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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832421">Mistakes Yet To Be Made</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry'>journaliry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Albino Dave Strider, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Attempted Seduction, Awkward Sexual Situations, Cartoon references, Dirk Strider and Dave's Bro Aren't the Same Person, Extremely Sexual Fantasies, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Humanstuck, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Online Romance, Phone Sex, Roleplay, Romantic Comedy, Roommates, Sexting, Sick Fic, Slow Burn, Twin Striders, no subrub session</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:35:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>182,472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider lives with his three other roommates, Sollux, Karkat and John. One day, due to being sleep deprived and stressed to hell, Dave decides to message John on an anonymous account. Dave was hoping to get his feelings out of his system, but this only serves to make shit worse. Sparking a chain of events that spiral Dave further and further down a hole of stress and anguish as John seeks to find out which one of them sent the message, all while Dave drags his other roommates into the fray.<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Egbert &amp; Dave Strider &amp; Karkat Vantas &amp; Sollux Captor, John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sollux Captor/John Egbert</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>317</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. a silent message</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You yawn, stretching out your legs as you lay back in your office chair in your dimly lit room. You scratch the back of your neck with one of your hands. You run your other hand through your white bangs and sit back up. You didn't get a lick of sleep last night. Of course the second after you told everyone in the chat you're going to bed, you smelt someone cooking downstairs. Looks like favorite roommate is making some late night burritos and he knows! John knows! You can’t refuse a good meal.</p><p>You get up from your chair and make your way to the kitchen. Your two other roommates are still streaming downstairs so there's a solid chance it's just going to be you and John eating alone together again. Your other roommates are just going to have to starve. Their screen names are Karkat and Sollux so you just call them both that, in fact you all refer to each other by your screen names. Except for you. <span class="dave">Yourdadscock6969</span> doesn’t roll off the tongue. Neither does <span class="dave">turntechgodhead</span> no matter how much Sollux tries to call you TG. </p><p>Your names never stick. Not like John’s nicknames...</p><p>“Yo, Ecto.” You walk up behind your roommate and take a peak at what he's cooking. </p><p>“Hey, Dave!” John turns his head away from the stove to greet you while he stirred a pan filled with beef with a spatula. </p><p>You tell John, “Smelt the burritos, I came running.”</p><p>John turns back to the stove, he sounds exhausted as he mutters, “that should be your new username, ‘came running.’” </p><p>You laugh at that, even though you know John wasn't even attempting to put any effort into his little joke. He’s just always so funny to you. No matter what, he always makes you smile.</p><p>“Shit. I’m so fucking tired.” John shakes his head like he’s disappointed with his own sense of humor. “Sorry for the late night cooking, came home late from work and every place was closed and I tried to sleep but I was hungry aaaand now I’m rambling and making terrible jokes.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize for any of this, man. I loved that dumb-ass joke and I guarantee you that those two down there are desperately trying to get up here.” </p><p>“Yep.” John nudges his head over to the staircase. You both listen for footsteps. Instead you just hear... “Get your fucking hands up!” ...Sollux’s muffled screams, and lisps, coming from downstairs.</p><p>“THEY<b> ARE</b> UP, ASSHOLE!” Karkat screams back.</p><p>“Drop your weapon and get your hands up above your head, not pointed at me!”</p><p>“ALL RIGHT! I’M COOPERATING. SO DON’T CHARGE ME FOR RESISTING ARREST, I’M COMING IN CLEAN.”</p><p>“You tried to run three times and fired at my vehicle.”</p><p>“FIRED AT YOUR- FUCKING SURE ABOUT THAT?! HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT IT WASN’T ANYONE ELSE HERE, FUCKER!?”</p><p>John shakes his head and sighs. “They are still playing cops and robbers…”</p><p>You lean your ass against the counter and laugh, but it just came out more like a scoff.</p><p>“I can’t understand how so many people want to spend their nights watching people roleplaying in GTA. Remember porn? People used to jack off to porn.” John says as he nods his head like he was talking about some deep thought and he wasn’t just sleep deprived. </p><p>“Well, I’m keeping the old ways alive.” You only half-joke.</p><p>John lightly laughs as he stirs around the beef in the pan.</p><p>Hearing that sweet laugh of his prompts you to let out an airy sigh. Thankfully, the fan roaring above you masks the sound. You lightly flip your bangs up and out of your face as you continue to lean against the counter. You keep listening to Karkat and Sollux scream at each other downstairs. </p><p>You didn’t actually think that Karkat was going to get caught, you were sure Karkat was going to make it out of the pursuit but it sounds like Sollux is cuffing him and dragging him in. You wish that you could have seen that for yourself. Doesn’t matter, you’re still recording everything upstairs and you’re going to edit both the streams for the two of them later and post it on YouTube. That’s what gets you the real money.</p><p>You listen as Karkat gets taken into custody and it sounds like he wasn’t resisting- “Sir- SIR! If you don’t stop pissing on me!”- Nope. Karkat's still fucking with him.</p><p>Took them ten more minutes to end their streams. The second after they signed off, they started rushing up the stairs. You can’t see them but you can hear them. They’re both shoving each other and arguing as they climb the stairs. Sollux is chewing Karkat out again for shouting like an idiot, “Fucking stream upstairs and not in my office! Everyone could hear your screams in my stream, kk!” </p><p>“FUCK OFF- AND YOU’RE ONE TO TALK! I FUCKING<b> KNOW</b> THAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT MY SCREEN TO SEE WHERE I WAS!” </p><p>You respond to Karkat’s comment by whispering towards John, “a bold claim.”</p><p>Karkat and Sollux are both up the steps, you can see them now and yep. They are still shoving each other.</p><p>Sollux started up again, “like I’d need to do that! You couldn’t have made it any more obvious where you were!”</p><p>“WHY BECAUSE I <em>SHOUTED</em> IT?”</p><p>“No." Sollux yells back at Karkat, "Because six people were dead at a gas station! And no one is fucking stupid enough to do that shit but <b>you.</b>” Sollux is right, the servers you all play in everyone's deadly serious about acting in character and roleplaying like it's real life. Sollux gets so into the world to, you wouldn't be surprised if Sollux views Karkat and you like fucking monsters. </p><p>“Hey! If you want burritos, no arguing!” John interrupts them like the peacekeeper he is.</p><p>Sollux and Karkat both scoff as they finish walking up the steps. “OH! Don’t you scoff at me!” John points his spatula at the two of them as they both walk up to John. “You spent all night screaming at each other while I was out working! I don’t want to hear anything from you but a ‘thank you, John.’” Something about this feels like John is their mother, telling the two of them to stop bickering or he’s gonna turn this car around and they ain’t going to six flags today. </p><p>“Dave doesn’t do anything as bad as this!” Looks like your mama’s favorite. </p><p>"If you saw the shit Karkat was doing you would take my side, ecto." Sollux hopelessly tried to reason with him.</p><p>"No ifs! No buts! No coconuts!" John points at Sollux with his spatula, holding it up with rage, just like that thing is a knife.</p><p>You were watching the whole stream earlier. </p><p>Karkat was in the progress of robbing -yet another- gas station and then moved on to the street after the guy behind the counter pulled out a shotgun. Sollux was an officer in hot pursuit. You recorded and watched both of their streams upstairs in your own room. Looks like now, Sollux ended up finally arresting the notorious gang leader, Karkat, and now the fucker is waiting for his defense lawyer to show up. </p><p>You don’t feel bad at all watching Karkat and Sollux get chewed out by John right now. Karkat fucking left you alone and in handcuffs when he <b>literally </b>busted out of court two weeks ago and Sollux was the one who arrested you. Your character is banned for 6 months cause you got jail time for resisting arrest and… also for selling a few people’s bodies to a cult for their blood sacrifices. When you confessed it was Sollux's on-again-off-again girlfriend you were selling the corpses too Sollux broke character and started cry-laughing on stream. </p><p>Fucking game is brutal and so are the rules, your character is effectively dead because he got banned for half a year and you don't feel like making another so long as Karkat's still running a gang. Karkat seems to just stumble through everything and HE gets out just fine. Not like that will help him up against John. </p><p>Karkat’s trying Ecto right now, “WE MAKE OUR SHARE OF RENT STREAMING AND-"</p><p>“You start up again and I’m not letting you eat any more of my cooking for a week!” John smacked Karkat's head with the spatula he was using to cook up beef.</p><p>“UEGH- YOU GOT GREASE IN MY FUCKING HAIR!“ Karkat is pulling at the ends of his hair feeling the oil in his split ends.</p><p>“Oh like it’s any different than before.” Sollux pointed out how greasy Karkat’s hair always is.</p><p>“I JUST SHOWERED FIVE DAYS AGO!” Karkat yells out, acting like that was recent. </p><p>John gives Karkat another little smack. “You should be more worried about the foot I’m about to shove up your ass!” John starts alternating smacks between the two bickering grown ass men in front of him. </p><p>“-No!” John smacks Karkat’s head.</p><p>“OW!” Karkat yelps and then right after begins to scowl. </p><p>“-Fighting!” John smacks Sollux’s arm.</p><p>“Ouch!” Sollux cries out and then starts laughing as he nurses his hit.</p><p>John points at the two of them, “-at my table!”</p><p>John points towards the table with his spatula and said, “now go sit!” </p><p>You start laughing at the sight. </p><p>“What are you laughing at?” Sollux points at you, smiling with his crooked teeth. “Two weeks ago John was smacking you over the same shit.”</p><p>“What did I say about starting <em>shit!?”</em>  John smacks Sollux in the shoulder with his spatula again. </p><p>“Ugh!” Sollux starts wiping his shirt’s sleeve free of the beef grease. </p><p>“Don’t worry, all the oil is in Karkat’s hair.” John smiles with the same kind of energy a smirk usually has from him. “Now, I’m tired and I don’t want to hear any more fighting- you’ve been screaming since I got home! You’re so freaking lucky our neighbors can’t hear it! I just want a nice meal with-“</p><p>“US?" Karkat lets out a frustrated laugh, "WHY?"</p><p>John opens his mouth to say, "because-"</p><p>Sollux finishes the thought for him, "we're like the dysfunctional family of his choosing, kk.” </p><p>“Yes. Now sit.” John points -this time with his finger- over to the balcony besides the kitchen. </p><p>“CAN’T I MAKE MY OWN?” Karkat cautiously shuffles closer to John and the stove. </p><p>“I know just how you like them." John had every right to say that, he makes burritos fucking better than a five star chef. Karkat still found the need to roll his eyes at the guy doing him a huge favor. </p><p>You shove him with your elbow for being ungrateful. </p><p>You look up at John and tell him, "thanks, man."</p><p>"Yeah." Sollux agrees, "thanks, Ecto."</p><p>You elbow Karkat again to get him to say, "THANKS! WHATEVER!"</p><p>John chuckles, “it's no problem at all. I love cooking for you three."</p><p>You let out a small sigh from your nose at hearing that sweet laugh of his after another long day of missing him while he was gone.</p><p>The three of you are just standing around akwardly again, everyone's staring at you. Shit.</p><p>Before John decided to shoo you all out again he asks, "Sollux- do you want cheese this time or no?”</p><p>“Nope.” Sollux gave his answer and was already keyed up to head out.</p><p>“It’s always 50/50 with you. Okay, no prob!" John chuckled as he softly stared at the tallest guy in the room. Sollux gifts John the opportunity for a fist bump as a thank you. John giggles as he bumps his fist against Captor's.</p><p>“I WANT CH-” Karkat spoke up, and just as quick, John shot him down.</p><p>“I’ll stuff it with swiss and hand you a hot sauce bottle.” John lightly shook his head as he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“-AND.”</p><p>“And no lettuce, I know. I know! It hurts your tushie when it comes out the other end! I get it, I get it! Now sit!” John pushes Karkat away like a mom pushing her toddler to go outside and play. You laugh, Karkat turns his head back to glare at you as Sollux chuckles to himself under his breath. They both walk out to the balcony together, leaving the two of you alone. You just noticed that you’re still hovering over John. John took in a deep breath, without even looking at you he softly sighs out, “you too, Dave.”</p><p>“I want to help.” You offer.</p><p>John turns you down. John turns around to face you as he shook his head and told you softly, “I have everything taken care of, but thank you. Go sit with the others.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>You're holding your head up with your palm as you let out a airy sigh. You watch the love of your life through your glass door, he's fixing up a meal for all four of you. The three of you wait for John to finish up as you sit outside. Four of you chat for a bit as you swat away mosquitoes and take in the view of the lake outside of your town house. </p><p>Karkat and Sollux are sitting down on the same side of the square table, just like every night. The two of them always let you sit next to John, nice of them to do that for you seeing how much they can't stand one-another. </p><p>Of course, you took the side closest to the railing. You like to lift up your arm and lean back on it. John told you when you were back in high school that he always dug the way you looked when you sat, something about how you look so confident, like you don't care about anything but being comfortable. Course you never stopped doing it just to impress him, from then on it just became a habit to sit like, as Karkat puts it, <em>'the poor man's douche bag.'</em></p><p>You softly hum out a sigh, watching John work to make the perfect burritos for all three of you while putting no effort into his own. You were hoping that you could make his today... he deserves the perfect dinner plate, not you. Oh God, he's even putting flaming hot cheetos in it for you. Nevermind, John deserves the world. </p><p>You let out a sigh from deep in your soul, your pre-dinner John gazing is cut off by Karkat starting up again,</p><p>“That shit you pulled just now-" At least Karkat is <em>trying</em> to keep his voice low. John doesnt seem to hear him over the sound of the oven fan. “YOU KNEW WHERE I WAS.”</p><p>Sollux quietly muttered out a yell, “if that’s what you think, then maybe you shouldn't stream right next to me!” </p><p>Karkat attempted to whisper with his pack-a-week voice, “MY LAPTOP IS SET UP DOWNSTAIRS-“</p><p>“Then move it!” </p><p>“YOU KNOW THERE’S NO ROOM ON MY DESK-“</p><p>“Because of all of your shit! Move it.” Sollux gave Karkat a rude gesture. </p><p>“HALF OF THAT SHIT IS YOURS.” </p><p>“Then why don’t I take your room? I can finally sleep on a real bed and you can nest on the floor like the fucking bum you are.” Sollux is talking about that mattress you made him sleep on since he's not on the lease. </p><p>“I’D STILL BE STREAMING IN YOUR ROOM- WAIT DID YOU FUCKING CALL ME A BUM?”</p><p>“When do you ever clean?” Sollux lightly laughed as he looked down at the shorty next to him. </p><p>“ONCE A WEEK.”</p><p>Sollux slow claps. </p><p>“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything.” Sollux gave Karkat a shit-eatting smile. </p><p>“YOU'RE FUCKING IMPLYING I'M A FUCKING HOARDER AGAIN. AREN’T YOU?” </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t get there just yet.”</p><p>Karkat slowly raises his voice, “HALF. OF. THAT. SHIT. IS <strong>YOURS.”</strong></p><p>“Hey.” You interrupt, you need to insert yourself in this before things get worse. “I can help you clean if you're gonna fuckin’ fight again.”</p><p>“Don’t want your boyfriend smacking us around?” Sollux laughed out of spite.</p><p>You cross your arms and laugh back. “I’m on Karkat’s side now, fuck off.”</p><p>Sollux laughs, half in disbelief and half out of his fucked up sense of humor, “how are you on kk's side!? He made you kidnap the mayor and-“</p><p>“I FUCKING KNEW IT. YOU’VE BEEN WATCHING OUR STREAMS!”</p><p>“No... I haven’t!”</p><p>“NO ONE FUCKING KNEW THAT WAS OUR GANG. I CAN GET YOU PERMABANNED FOR THIS SHIT.”</p><p>“I already knew it was your gang!” Sollux tossed up his hands.</p><p>Karkat continues, “NO! NOT TRUE! I GOT GAMZEE OUT OF PRISON TIME BECAUSE NO ONE COULD PROVE IT WAS US!”</p><p>Sollux pointed at the fucker next to him. “I’ve got news for you- someone on your side is working undercover for us.” Why is he admitting that? Does he want Karkat to to best him or something? </p><p>“ITS FUCKING TEREZI, ISN'T IT?” Karkat already guessed you it is.</p><p>“I didn’t say that.” Sollux tried to cover his tracks, that fuckers poker face has even you stumped and you know it was her. </p><p>“UH SHE JUST JOINED US RIGHT AFTER GAMZEE WAS AR-“</p><p>John smacked Karkat on the back of the head with a rolled up magazine. </p><p>Oh fuck. He has the magazine. Any argument anyone had is completely over.</p><p>John sits down. “We’re going to fucking calm down and just eat.”</p><p>“Fucking fine.” Sollux resigns,</p><p>“FINE.” Karkat gives in.</p><p>“No prob.” You were already settled. </p><p>John places a burrito in front of you first because you’re the favorite. </p><p>“Thanks, man.” You smile up at John.</p><p>John smiles back at you and made his way back into the kitchen as he asked, “so what else did everyone do today?”</p><p>“Nothing.” You confess.</p><p>“SLEEP.” Karkat yawns.</p><p>"You did more than that." Sollux lets out a closed mouth laugh, “weren't you jacking off in the morning.” </p><p>“FUCK YOU I WASN'T- AND JOHN SAID NO STARTING SHIT.”</p><p>“Hey!” John Interrupts “I cooked this meal! I decide what we talk about and what we don’t.... Sollux go on.”</p><p>“Did you not hear it?” Sollux lifts up his hands and looked amazed that John could sleep through that. “Karkat was blasting porno on the speakers.”</p><p>“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT WAS ME AND NOT DAVE?”</p><p>“It was a chick moaning.”</p><p>“HE COULD HAVE FRAMED ME-“ He’s right. You did.</p><p>“AND HEY- WHAT ABOUT ECTO?” Karkat points out no one was accusing John of jacking off over the bluetooth speakers.</p><p>“It was a chick moaning.” Sollux repeats.</p><p>That just earned Sollux a slap from the magazine.</p><p>You chuckled, covering your mouth. Your eyes made contact with John’s. You stiffened up a bit at his gaze.</p><p>“I wasn’t awake.” John clarified. “And... how are we so sure it wasn’t you, Sollux?”</p><p>Sollux lifted up his brows like he just heard some shit. “It wasn’t.”</p><p>“He who smelt it.” John joked. </p><p>“God. Why are you so cute?” Sollux shook his head.</p><p>John playfully gestured a slap towards Sollux who was sitting across from him. </p><p>Karkat decided to change the topic, he spoke to John directly,</p><p>“YOU KNOW EVERYONE IS BEGGING YOU TO JOIN OUR SERVER?”</p><p>“Really?” John lifted up his head as he sat down with his own burrito. </p><p>“YEAH. NEPETA KEEPS GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT IT. THAT AND ROXY IS FUCKING SO INTO YOUR DAD JOKES. IT'S-”</p><p>“Dude, shut up.” John slaps Karkat’s shoulder. “I know Roxy’s not into me. Don't try to get my hopes up, it's not cool.”</p><p>“How can you be so sure?” Sollux wiped his mouth of sauce as he spoke. "She likes your dad jokes. Chicks only dig shit like that if they're horny."</p><p>“Okaaay..." John held up his burrito with both hands and shrugged his shoulders.</p><p>"then why did she reject me then? Huh?” John looked off to the side and took a huge bite just so he didn’t have to talk. </p><p>“WHAT?” Karkat sounded completely floored.</p><p>“Ohhh, drama.” Sollux jokes as he looks over at you.</p><p>“WAIT- YOU ACTUALLY ASKED HER OUT?” Karkat sounded as shocked as you feel.</p><p>John took a few moments to finish swallowing his bite. John just nodded to say yes.</p><p>You lightly punch John’s shoulder, you don’t want this to get him down. “Dude, there's a reason she said no. You know she’s into my bro.” </p><p>“The gayest guy in our chat?” Sollux pointed out. That includes you, that’s serious shit there.</p><p>Sollux decided to take the conversation into a different direction, “you know Dirk fucking offered me a new graphics card if I could prove I had two dicks?”</p><p>“HE OFFERED YOU PARTS FOR A DICK PIC? HE DIDN'T OFFER ME SHIT FOR ONE!”</p><p>“Did you give it to him?” John excitedly asked Karkat like he wanted the answer to be yes.</p><p>“Dude! That’s my brother.” You slap John’s arm. </p><p>“I know! -and you know him well enough to know he’s a gosh darn pervert!” John stuck his tongue out at you. "I just wanna be apart of the drama for once! No one ever tells me anything!" </p><p>Sollux was amused with the whole thing, he asked John, “did Dirk ever hit on you?”</p><p>“Well... no... but it’s only a matter of time.” John always seems so confident when he's joking about guys liking him, but never about girls liking him. Never what really matters.  </p><p>“Feeling left out?” Sollux asked John with a small faux-frown.</p><p>“Yeah... just for once I’d like to tell a story about the time Dirk offered me head in exchange for lunch.” John nodded. You slapped his arm again.</p><p>“Who told you that!? Jake!?” You pointed at John.</p><p><em>“Yeah...?”</em> John tilted his head.</p><p>You notice there’s sauce and grease on the corner of John's mouth, you don’t hesitate to lift up a napkin to wipe it as you tell John, “that doesn’t count.”</p><p>“Why not?!” John laughs as you pull away from his face.</p><p>“They’re dating! That and- and I really don’t want to hear about this.” You don't want to hear about how openly horny your twin brother is.</p><p>“Okay.... so how about... we talk about... hmmm? Karkat your up.” John just gave up the floor. You know this shit is gonna be good.</p><p>“SO, NOW THAT ITS MY TURN TO FUCKING SPEAK... WHO'S GOING TO COME WITH ME TO THE MOVIES TUESDAY?”</p><p>“Not it!” John jumped up first.</p><p>“Nope!” You jumped in right after John pressed a finger to his nose. You got your finger right on your sniffer.</p><p>“Ugh!” Sollux is already pissed. You get why, he got stuck with rom-com duty.</p><p>Sollux gestured his hand towards the angry little pissbag next to him, “ask Nepeta! She’s always up for that shit!”</p><p>“FUCK NO!” </p><p>“Why not?” Sollux almost whined.</p><p>“YOU KNOW WHY.” Karkat pointed at the boy next to him.</p><p>Sollux chuckles, “if she thinks it’s a date then maybe you can get some-” </p><p>"SHE'S<em> YOUR</em> FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!" Karkat yells at him.</p><p>"Oh yeah, I forgot." Sollux laughs.</p><p>"HOW DID YOU FUCKING-"</p><p>John cuts Karkat off, “Hey! No Nepeta talk! You two always end up fighting when you talk about her.”</p><p>Sollux caved in, “if we see Tale of Two Drunk Lovers then can we fucking see it on the same day where they’re playing lord of the rings?”</p><p>“DID YOU LOOK THAT UP IN ADVANCE”</p><p>“I just want to see fellowship again in theaters.”</p><p>“FUCKING. YOU ALWAYS QUOTE THE WHOLE MOVIE.”</p><p>“So.. It’s a date?” Sollux jokes.</p><p>Karkat rolled his eyes. Sollux smiled like he was proud. They both fell silent. John seemed content that they stopped fighting. John leaned in to you and whispered, “I’m gonna piss quick before they start fighting again.” John sat up from the table and walked back inside. Karkat dragged out a lighter from the front of the jeans that he's been wearing for three days straight. Then after, he got to work pulling out a box of smokes from his back pocket.</p><p>You watched John walk through the kitchen over to the bathroom. Once the door was shut you joked to Karkat,</p><p>“Got yourself that date.” </p><p>“FUCK OFF.” Karkat swatted over the table and towards you after he lit his smoke. </p><p>“What? You could use the night out. Both of you.” You pointed at the two of them both. "And be thankful you have a date, Karkat. I'd fuckin' kill for one right about now."</p><p> Sollux shook his head. “Man, my girlfriends gonna be pissed I’m seeing a guy behind her back.”</p><p>“Ha.” You let out a dry laugh.</p><p>“THEN TELL HER I'M A GIRL, IF IT’S EASIER.” Karkat crossed his arms like usual. </p><p>You point out to the tall-ass motherfucker next to you, “she'll probably just assume that anyway. There’s never a time you aren’t rolling with… chicks…” You let out a dejected sigh.</p><p>Sollux sighed along with you, “John really asked out Roxy.”</p><p>“Yep.” You nod as you rest your head on one of your hands. </p><p>You looked over at the other boy at the table, “and neither of you thought about telling me that John liked her?”</p><p>“I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE TOLD ME THAT IN CONFIDENCE.” Karkat shook his head, he sounds like he’s being honest.</p><p>“I figured he liked her." Sollux admitted he knew. "I just didn't think he'd actually ask her out." </p><p>"YEAH..." Karkat looked down at the table with his arms still crossed. He tapped his cigarettes free of ashes as he said, "I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD EITHER." </p><p>“it’s fine." You nod down at the table, thankful your shades are hiding the pain in your eyes. "And you know, I would have preferred not knowing about John....<em> liking her</em> anyway.” </p><p>"IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, WE ALL HAVE THIS...<em> -UGH-</em> <em>UNSPOKEN AGREEMENT...</em> NOT TO FUCK AROUND WITH EGBERT."</p><p>"Yeah." Sollux nods at Karkat and then looks over at you. "And the chicks live by that code. And shit -now that the cats out of the bag, let me tell you, man- they are dying by it."</p><p>Sollux confesses to you, "Roxy seemed so torn up cause she thought he was <em>'totes like such a major cutie.'"</em></p><p>You can't help but chuckle at hearing Sollux try to mimic her valley girl accent. You ask him, "did she message you personally about it or something?"</p><p>"Nah," Sollux shakes his head no. "It was in the girl's group chat."</p><p>"THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?" Karkat almost screams, and you completely agree with how alarmed he sounds. The first thought you had was that he's snooping like a teenage boy hiding in a gym locker, why's he fucking snooping in there? </p><p>"They invited me." Sollux shrugs and jokes, "we talk about boys we like." </p><p>Karkat narrowed his eyes and grimaced at him.</p><p>"Okay, so they honestly invited me cause -in their words- they think that I'm chill and laid back. I mean, remember when the chicks used to just come over and hang out in the office just cause? I think I'm like a security blanket to them or some shit. They love telling me about their boy problems cause all I do is listen and tell them stupid shit the guys they like do so they know if they're worth dating- which by the way, Karkat I put in a good word. Think you getting laid will calm you down."</p><p>"WOW." Karkat glared at him. "THANKS."</p><p>"Yeah..." Sollux continues, "I love talking to them though. Our chats almost therapeutic honestly. All we do is talk shit about everyone else and ourselves. And I think the girls just want a guy to chill with who's just as feed up with guys as they are."</p><p>"HUH? THOUGHT STRIDER WAS THE CHICK'S <em>FUN</em> GAY FRIEND." Karkat's giving <em>you</em> the eye.</p><p>"Captor does it better." You joke. You know you're a fucking mess, Sollux is a fucking mess too but he hides it better... nah, actually... he doesn't. He just works on <em>self-improvement.</em></p><p>"Ha. Well... anyway." Sollux gets back on track. "The girls all mainly talk about the same shit, just they get tired of hearing us scream at each other and they are embarrassed to say certain shit in the main group chat." </p><p>"SHIT. LIKE HOW ROXY ACTUALLY WANTS TO BANG EGBERT?" Karkat laughs to himself under his breath.</p><p>Karkat's eyes widen when Sollux says, "yeah."</p><p>"FUCKING REALLY?" Karkat leans into the table and places his hands on the arm rests of his seat as he looks over at Karkat with panicked eyes.</p><p>"Dude," Sollux looks back at Karkat like he's an idiot, "everyone has a crush on Egbert in that chat."</p><p>"THAT'S A FUCKING LIE. WHAT ABOUT FEFERI?"</p><p>"Feferi isn't in it." Sollux shakes his head, probably cause his ex is too busy having a life or some shit.</p><p>"STILL. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT SHIT." Karkat waves his hand holding his cigarette towards Sollux, he gets ashes on Sollux's sleeve as he does. </p><p>"It's true." Sollux nonchalant tells you both as he wipes his sleeve free of soot, "why do you think the girls made this group wide pact in the first place... and how did <em>you</em> even hear about it?" Sollux asks the asshole sitting next to him.</p><p>"STRIDER -NOT YOU, DAVE. THE ONE THAT DOWNS FANTA LIKE IT'S CRACK- TOLD ME." Karkat finished his thought with, "AND HE TOLD ME NOT TO START FOOLING AROUND WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH 'HE'S SO HOT, HE'S THE TWINK TO END ALL TWINKS.'"</p><p>"Shit. Cause he knows how hard Egbert is to resist." You roll your eyes at Sollux's words. </p><p>You ask Karkat. "Why'd he tell you that?"</p><p>"I ASSUME ROXY TOLD HIM, AND HE'S ALWAYS ON MY ASS, AND CAPTORS, NOT TO FUCK THINGS UP FOR YOU."</p><p>"...right." You look down at the table and hold onto your own arms. Dirk's still doing this overprotective twin bro shit. You guess it's nice to know that he still has your back... and that all of your friends respect you and your undying love for your childhood friend but... "I think I'd rather John be able to date any of the girls than have them all worry about me... I just want him to be, you know... happy."</p><p>"YOU SAY THAT LIKE EGBERT HAS <em>OPTIONS." </em></p><p>"He does." Sollux slaps Karkat with the back of his hand, "that's what I just told you."</p><p>"HONESTLY, LIKE IN ALL HONESTY? NOT ONE OF YOUR STUPID ASS LONG JOKES?"</p><p>"You really can't believe it? Really? You can't see it?" Sollux looks Karkat up and down through his glasses like Karkat is ignorant of the obvious, "Egbert is such a nice guy, but still like brutally honest. Anyone would be lucky to have him."</p><p>"WHAT? DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM NOW?"</p><p>"Ha. I wish." Sollux lets out a light laugh. Captor points over at you, "I have to listen to TG bitch about wanting his cock and the girls drool over him every other day. But to be fair, they talk about how they feel about all of us, most of them think 'yourdad'scock' is hot too."</p><p>"Do they?" You look up at the other balcony above yours with your arms crossed.</p><p>"Yeah they think you're fuckable, but when it comes to Egbert they straight up want to father his young." Everything Sollux is saying sounds about right, he's that kind of man. He only slaps Karkat and Sollux around because they are idiots, he'd father the crap out of a kid. Sollux continues, "I think even Rose thinks Egbert's cute and it's rare she ever sees a guy that way- you know?"</p><p>"I know." You keep staring up at nothing.</p><p>"Just saying, man." Sollux shrugged. "Egbert's a pussy magnet and he doesn't even know it."</p><p>You take a deep breath and mutter out, "and my bro likes him too apparently... so there's that shit."</p><p>“Right." Sollux nodded. </p><p>You looked down and stared blankly at the table.</p><p>"Plus 'yourdadscock' likes him..." Sollux could see you're upset, so he said something just to make you laugh. "Looks like he's a dick magnet too."</p><p>"DICK IS RIGHT." Karkat mutters to himself.</p><p>You briefly smile. </p><p>"He’s not going to stay single forever, TG.” Sollux tilted his head towards you.</p><p>“He’s going to stay straight forever though.” You close your eyes and do your best not to sigh.</p><p>John rushed out of the bathroom, he shut the door and let out a large <em>“Waaahooo!"</em></p><p>You look over at John, he’s laughing as he's fanning the air around him. <em>"Don’t go in there!”</em></p><p>John's just so full of life... God, you love him.</p><p>And apparently...</p><p>So does everyone else.</p><p>. . .</p><p>“Hey, thanks for helping me with the dishes without me asking! That really is cool of you guys!” John smiled as he wiped everything down in the sink. For some reason he only uses the dishwasher as a drying rack. Oh shit yeah, you broke it when you confused it for a wash machine. Damn thing's still fucked.</p><p>John looked over at Karkat, “now that I’m up close to you though, I wish that <em>you</em> didn’t offer, stinky.”</p><p>“NEEDED MY SMOKE.” Karkat focused on drying the knife in his hand. He didn't even give John shit for the dumb nickname he just called him.</p><p>“Stressed again?” John gently placed his dish back into the sink and under the water.</p><p>“YEP.” Karkat hands you the knife to put away after you finished putting away a few dishes.</p><p>“Hey... try those patches I got you.” John speaks so softly to Karkat, like he's speaking out of concern.</p><p>“THEY DON'T HELP.” </p><p>“I hear it takes a month of trying to quit to really get through it-“</p><p>“I’M FINE WITH NOT QUITTING.”</p><p>“It’s a waste of money and it’s shit for your health.” Sollux pointed out as he rinsed another dish in the sink next to John's.</p><p>Karkat quietly groaned like he was tired, “DON’T START THIS SHIT AGAIN.”</p><p>"Hey, hey..." John went back to comforting Karkat. “... just one step at a time, okay?”</p><p>“FUCKING..." Karkat gave in at the sound of that sweet, caring voice. "OKAY.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>The four of you all sat down in the living room, course you took the seat on the couch next to John. There's two couches in the room but for some reason Karkat felt the need to laid down across the entirety of one of them so Sollux sinked in right next to John. You're already dreading agreeing to watch Netflix with everyone. </p><p>John started pushing up against you to get away from Sollux once he put his arm around him. "Captor!"</p><p>Sollux started chuckling, "what?"</p><p>"You know what!" John shoved Sollux off of him. "I'm trying to watch British people bake in peace and you're hitting on me again."</p><p>"What? When do I ever hit on you?" Captor placed his hand on John's knee.</p><p>"Stop-" John removed his hand. "Stop it!" John just kept laughing at the feeling of Sollux feeling up John's knee.</p><p>You narrow your eyes and let out a low hum, Sollux is only doing this just to get at you.</p><p>"Why don't you romance me for once?" John chuckled as he grabbed onto Sollux's wrist to get him to stop feeling up his knee.</p><p>"You've got eyes like the endless blue sea." Sollux held onto John's hand and whispered something deep into his ear. You could hear the gist of it. Something about his voice being as sweet as his ass and wanting to hear the noises he'd make in bed or something like that. You're sure Sollux can feel the heat coming from your eyes. Your glare is radiating hatred from under your tinted shades. Sollux mutters out loud enough for you to hear clearly, "I think everyone in this room wants to ram that fat ass."</p><p>Once Sollux started kissing John's neck, like he usually does to all three of you at random, John started cracking up. He's laughing so hard tears are rolling down his face. "It's not even funny!" John's crying out like he's losing his mind. </p><p>You look over at Karkat, yeah. The two of you are both fucking annoyed at this shit. Sollux knows that you're gay and into John and he still tries fucking with you like this. At random times in the day Sollux starts whispering about how exactly he'd fuck you into your ear. Karkat is glaring at you for you to do something. You shrug. You can't stop Sollux, Karkat knows that, he lives with this burden as well. You're damn sure that Karkat hates everyone and everything, so why Sollux is always trying to suck on Karkat's neck as a joke is beyond you. When he does it, it only pisses off Karkat more.</p><p>John's still laughing, like he's flattered. Sollux pulls away from kissing John's neck once John slaps his cheeks lightly for him to stop. John's eyes are still closed as he happily laughs.</p><p>Sollux opens his mouth and leans in to pay the two of you a stupid-ass looking wink. You guess he wants you to join in. Instead of that, Karkat squints his eyes as he looks over at John,</p><p>"FAT ASS IS RIGHT." </p><p>John lifts up his head and glares at Karkat.</p><p>"WHAT? YOU'RE PUTTING ON WEIGHT?" Karkat shrugged.</p><p>"Yeah, baby." Sollux starts rubbing John's waist, "you're fat in all the right places."</p><p>Sollux pulls John closer to him and John's eyes widen like that took him by surprise.</p><p>Sollux just whispers, "or maybe... all the<em> wrong</em> ones? I know how<em> bad</em> you are."</p><p>John lightly giggled and then started cracking up. You don't know why he thinks Sollux's bullshit is so fucking funny.</p><p>Sollux is looking over at you like he wants you to join in. He quickly points at John like <em>he's easy.</em></p><p>You cross your arm and shake your head no. You're not going to start sucking on John's neck like it's a fucking joke when it's real to you. You watch Sollux continue to feel John up, he's marvling at John's waist ow with his eyes and his hands. Yeah... no matter how many times Sollux does it... flirting with John never looks easy to you.</p><p>Of course Sollux gives you a disappointed frown for not trying to make out with your best friend's neck like it's a joke you're <em>all of a sudden</em> in on.</p><p>John looked up at the guy that's <strong>still</strong> clinging onto his waist, "do girls like when you talk to them like this?"</p><p>"I never talk to chicks like that." Sollux shakes his head no.</p><p>John pretends to sound all tough as he says, <strong>"Only us guys?"</strong> You'd be pissed at John for joining into Sollux's shit if he wasn't so fucking cute right now.</p><p>"Yeah..." Sollux breathes onto John's neck "And no one's quite like you, baby." Sollux keeps whispering complements into John's ear. You keep your arms crossed and try to watch the contestants make their showstoppers. </p><p>John let out a little snort. You look over to see John covering his cute little overbite with his hand. John turns his head away, pretending like he's touched by Sollux's complements. </p><p>Sollux starts kissing John's neck again and you hear John playfully say, "stop it!"</p><p>Sollux whispers, "but you taste so good, baby.”</p><p>Then John starts laughing like he's busting a gut. You're about to bust one of Sollux's nuts if he doesn't stop holding onto John like that. Shit. No, not that. You're about to bust his ass and kick his nuts. Yeah. That's it. Well whatever, Sollux let go of John already. His nuts are safe to nut another day.</p><p>John suddenly settled back down, he looked a little nervous about something... maybe even uncomfortable.</p><p>If the mother fucker took shit too far with John he's losing his fucking jaw. </p><p>"Hey..." John leaned into Sollux and muttered our a question, "can I ask you something..."</p><p>Sollux nodded and waited for John to ask. </p><p>John quietly asks Sollux under his breath, "...privately?"</p><p>You narrow your eyes again. </p><p>. . .</p><p>Once the two of them came back the episode was already over and John decided he was finally done with being overtired and now he's just 'plain pooped.' You all decided to part ways and crash, but you're not ready for that just yet. You decided to step out onto the balcony after Sollux went back downstairs to his bed in the office and after Karkat for some reason decided to pass out on the couch. You guess his sheets smell like shit and sweat again.</p><p>You're holding onto the balcony's railing. You blankly stare out at the lake behind your small town house. The waves are carrying only a small amount of the moon's beams. It's too cloudy tonight to see any light from the sky. You don't know why you're even out here.</p><p>“Annnd..."</p><p>You turn behind you after you hear John's voice.</p><p>You see him standing in the doorway, with his arms crossed. John leans on the door way as he points out, "you're still up."</p><p>John walks up besides you. </p><p>"Sorry." You take in a deep breath as you shake your head and then sigh it out. "I don't know if I can sleep." </p><p>John steps towards you, he places a caring hand on your back and pats you once before he puts his hand down. "Try to get some rest.”</p><p>You shrug, "maybe later." You lean your back against the railing that you were just holding onto a moment ago.</p><p>John sighed like he was stressed. “are you staying up until you pass out, tonight?”</p><p>“I wasn't planning on it...” You mutter our a confession. "But probably..."</p><p>You can never settle down in bed, even if you manage to pull yourself away from your laptop, you always just stare blankly at the ceiling until you feel tired enough to shut your eyes. </p><p>John sighs lightly, “I know you’re stressed, but you said meditating helped.... I think you should-“</p><p>“It helped one time.” You attempt to make that clear.</p><p>“I think you should try again.” John nods, he gives you a caring look... like he wants what's best for you.</p><p>You can never say no to John when he asks you like that… “Fine, if you think it’ll help... I'll try.”</p><p>“Aren’t you meditating right now?” John looks out at the moonlight floating on top of the lake. John leans his arms down on the railing in front of him as you keep leaning your back against the black bars. John softly tells you, </p><p>"Sollux just told me a moment ago that meditation helps him with his mood swings." </p><p>You cross your arms and lean down on the railing in front of you, "how'd you get on that topic?" </p><p>John doesn't hesitate to say it, "I was worried, so I asked him privately about how I could help you." </p><p>You're worrying him again. You need to stop doing that.</p><p>John lifts his head up to look at you. You pay him a small smile.</p><p>John smiles back, and he can't resist giving you a big grin.</p><p>You feel that urge again, that urge in your chest... like you want to grab him and finally kiss him... </p><p>The thought of that makes your knees weak. You stumble for a moment and correct your balance by leaning back against the rail again.</p><p>John lets out a drained laugh, "you're tired, Dave... you really should go to bed."</p><p>"I will-" You cut yourself off once you hear muttering coming from the living room, sounds like your other two roommates are getting into it again. </p><p>"WHY NOT JUST PISS IN A WATER BOTTLE AGAIN IF IT'S SO MESSY IN THE BATHROOM?"</p><p>"That was one time! And I'm just saying- you could clean up your messes <em>without</em> Ecto having to ask!" </p><p>Sollux is probably arguing about all the bits of stubble on bathroom sink again. That or Karkat was taking a piss and not washing his hands again and Sollux always gets all freaked out about how Vantas gets his dick germs all over the door knob. That or how Karkat brings drinks into the bathroom and drinks them on the toilet and fills the trash with cans. Yeah... you're on the tall, lanky jack-offs side right now. Sollux should win this fight.</p><p>John sighs like he's got to get back to work as he pushes himself back up from leaning on the rail.</p><p>John mutters to himself, "always something with those two."</p><p>You can't help but smile at the sight of John ready to play peacekeeper again, “the three of us are such a handful aren't we, how do you do it, John?”</p><p>“I have my ways. Good night, Dave.”</p><p>“Night.” You smile. John is lingering in the doorway, he's staring at you. You can feel his eyes on you. </p><p>Even after he closes the door you can still feel him there.</p><p>Shortly after you no longer feel his gaze you turn around.</p><p>You can see him walk over to your roommates who are in the stairway now. John's trying to negotiate something between them. He's always playing peacekeeper, always making compromises, always worrying over everyone else...</p><p>You don't want him to worry about you, you need to keep all of this in. You can't burden him, not now. Not when he has work.</p><p>You stayed outside. Looking at the distant lights dance on the lake. It's not white like usual, it's a bright golden hue. It reminds you too much of home. </p><p>You shut your eyes and breath in the hot night air. You were hoping that there would be a breeze with how cloudy it is. No the air is still hot and sticky from the humidity. <em>The summer heat.</em></p><p>You can feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You hold yourself and listen to the sounds of the powerlines outside hum and that owl that lives around here hoot.</p><p>You used to stand out on your balcony like this when you were a little kid living in Texas. When nights where the longest, you used to go up onto the roof.</p><p>Your eyes open for a moment. A chill just went down your spine. </p><p>After several moments of standing alone, you hear the door slide open again. It only startles you because you were sure everyone was out. </p><p>"Hey...? You okay?"</p><p>"What...?" You turn around and find John staring at you with sad eyes. He's still worried about you.</p><p>You smile softly at him and ask, "what about you? ...can’t sleep?”</p><p>"Not till I know you’re in bed." John pays you a soft smile back, like he even owes you one.</p><p>You let out a sigh and face towards the lake again. You worried him again. You need to stop doing that.</p><p>John stepped out to meet you. He placed a gentle hand on your back and softly told you.</p><p>"I know you don't want me to talk about it... but it’s been a year since... you know." John starts rubbing circles into your back.</p><p>"Oh no. Yeah, I’m fine." You shake your head. "I wasn't thinking about that."</p><p>"Okay. Good." John nodded, still rubbing your back in soft smooth circles.</p><p>John leaned his head forward, attempting to get you to look at him again, "you know- I’m sure your bro is still looking out for you."</p><p>"Wonder what the views like from hell..."</p><p>"Oh come on, Dave. You said yourself that he was cool." John sounded like he was rolling his eyes, "very descriptive by the way... maybe... we could actually talk about him?"</p><p>You don't have the balls to say anything against that. Yet still, you don't want to burden John. You <strong>can't </strong>burden him. Not with any of this. Not with your feelings and definitely not with your past. You're just going to continue to stand right where you are until he leaves. You can't bring yourself to look at John... not in this lighting, he looks too beautiful in this lighting. </p><p>John pats your back again to get your attention, "are you really okay, Dave?"</p><p>You nod as you let a shaky breath out of your nose.</p><p>John wraps his arms around yours and sways you from side to side. </p><p>John mutters into your arm, "you’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it."</p><p>"I love you." John unwraps his arms around you. He pats your back. “If you ever need to talk... my door is always open.”</p><p>John grabbed you by the arm and forced you back into your room. He's making sure you get a good night's rest... if you don't go to bed... he can't sleep himself.</p><p>He can't sleep when his mind is on you. </p><p>. . .</p><p>John just set you off. </p><p>You’ve been pacing in your room back and forth for hours.</p><p>Thinking about John. Your mind can't settle. You can't settle. </p><p>You’re sleep deprived and upset and hurt and so- so fucked up.</p><p>You just need to scream or cry or get into a fight but everyone is in bed.</p><p>Everyone online and everyone in your home.</p><p>It’s probably 6 a.m.</p><p>No one is awake. No one but you.</p><p>You grab your phone.</p><p>
  <em>'This is a mistake.'</em>
</p><p>You start creating a new account.</p><p>
  <em>It’s a huge fucking mistake you can’t take back.</em>
</p><p>You’ve already made a new account.</p><p>One with no icon and the default colored text...</p><p>
  <em>It’s done.</em>
</p><p>You already typed in John’s account name.</p><p>You’re already fucking typing a message to him.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">i know you’re straight</p><p class="honey">i know you don’t like men</p><p class="honey">i know that</p><p class="honey">but </p><p class="honey">i love you with my whole heart.</p><p class="honey">i hang on every word you say</p><p class="honey">my heart always pounds whenever you talk to me.</p><p class="honey">every night i think about you</p><p class="honey">i can’t even sleep cause i stay up all night staring at the ceiling</p><p class="honey">thinking about your adorable laugh</p><p class="honey">picturing your smile</p><p class="honey">thinking about how soft your lips look</p><p class="honey">how messy but cute your hair is...</p><p class="honey">how your glasses frame your ocean blue eyes...</p><p class="honey">i want you in every way </p><p class="honey">i want to hold you</p><p class="honey">to kiss you </p><p class="honey">i want to be with you but i know that's not possible... </p><p class="honey">i’d do anything to make you happy,</p><p class="honey">even if that meant you never loving me back.</p>
<hr/><p>You stare down at your phone in horror at what you've just done.<br/>
It hardly takes a second for John to get back to you, most likely matching your shock at the words you just wrote.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">who...</p><p class="john">who is this?</p>
<hr/><p>Jesus Christ.</p><p>What the fuck did you just do?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. a noisy whisper.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're sitting down on your mattress on the floor. </p><p>You open up your laptop and start working. It's so rare you ever get a moment of quiet and you're going to use it.</p><p>Since it's just you in the office now you can turn on your blacklight. You like the room dim. But whenever Karkats down here he wants it pitched black and he gets fucking pissed if you turn on any of your lights. KK even used to bitch about how the light coming from your keys was bothering him, funny when his room is filled with LED lights and shit like that. You're sure the fucker is just anal cause you always call KK out on his bullshit and Karkat's been so pissy cause you're busting your ass trying to find a way to ruin his attempts of roleplaying. Karkat's just being an asshole and people let him be a fucker cause they think it's fucking funny. Kk is hardly even trying to lead his gang, everyone else is doing all of the work and getting all of the connections for him. He fucking sucks. Of course... in order to even start up a gang, everyone else living in the city has to go along with it. You're sure that Strider was the real brains of the operations and you mean the one that randomly asks you for dick pics, not the one obsessed with your roommate. </p><p>You need to stop thinking about this shit. You've already got Terezi on your side and you're sure she's already got it all figured out... she's probably using you too to draw Dirk out. You haven't even heard from anyone that TT joined the server, but you're sure that he's in it. Dirk can't resist fucking around with everyone. Must make him feel big secretly running a fake city. </p><p>You shut your laptop. You can't fucking focus and writing illegible code riddled with errors isn't going to calm you down. You need some rest. Maybe if you're lucky you can wake up before Karkat does and before the screaming starts.</p><p>You pinch your eyes behind your glasses with one of your hands, then you scratch the back of your neck. You relax your arms and set them next to your lap, down on the bed.</p><p>You reopen your laptop. Maybe you can do something else tonight... something to actually help calm you down. </p><p>The moment your screen lights up again is the exact moment you get a message from <em>him.</em></p>
<hr/><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="karkat">I WANT TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU.</p><p class="karkat">NO BITCHING OR BULLSHIT.</p><p class="sollux">that2 up to you.</p><p class="karkat">AND DON'T FUCKING TYPE LIKE AN IDIOT.</p><p class="sollux">so if the pot call2 the kettle black...</p><p class="sollux">then what i2 the kettle supposed 2 say?</p><p class="karkat">SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN FOR A MOMENT.</p><p class="karkat">WHAT WERE YOU TALKING TO JOHN ABOUT TODAY?</p><p class="sollux">what? are you jealous?</p><p class="sollux">oh come on, baby.</p><p class="sollux">no one2 gonna come between us.</p><p class="karkat">WHAT. </p><p class="karkat">WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?</p>
<hr/><p>You sigh. Maybe it's better you give him an honest answer.</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">he asked about personal 2hiit you never giive a fuck about.</p><p class="karkat">DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.</p><p class="karkat">I'D NEVER KICK YOU WHILE YOU'RE DOWN. YOU KNOW THAT SHIT.</p>
<hr/><p>Sounds like Karkat really is serious about this. You'll hear him out.</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">2o... we really are goiing to have a real talk then?</p><p class="karkat">YES</p><p class="karkat">AND PLEASE.</p><p class="karkat">JUST</p><p class="karkat">DON'T TYPE LIKE THAT IRONICALLY OR JUST TO SPITE ME OR WHATEVER... </p><p class="karkat">I'M BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.</p><p class="sollux">okay.</p><p class="sollux">what's up, man?</p><p class="karkat">I THINK JOHN'S DEPRESSED.</p><p class="sollux">i dont know about that... he's probably going through something but... idk</p><p class="karkat">WHAT DID HE SAY TO YOU LAST NIGHT?</p><p class="sollux">he was asking me about shit to help dave. </p><p class="sollux">which all things considering, im much more concerned about atm.</p><p class="karkat">WELL YOU KNOW WHAT HE ALWAYS DOES.</p><p class="sollux">you mean how he's got to fix everyone elses problems and take care of himself last?</p><p class="karkat">I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.</p><p class="karkat">SOME SHIT ABOUT HOW. "HE ALWAYS DOES THAT."</p><p class="karkat">BUT I THOUGHT I HEARD HIM CRYING LAST NIGHT IN HIS ROOM.</p><p class="sollux">probably from rox rejecting him.</p><p class="karkat">NO.</p><p class="karkat">I THINK HE'S LIKE...</p><p class="karkat">YOU KNOW...</p><p class="karkat">ACTUALLY DEPRESSED AND MAYBE EVEN LONELY...</p><p class="karkat">I'M JUST THINKING WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING FOR HIM.</p><p class="sollux">why? cause he isn't pulling pranks on us anymore?</p><p class="karkat">THAT'S PART OF IT.</p><p class="karkat">I MEAN, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SAW EGBERT BRING HOME A PIE JUST TO SLAM INTO ONE OF OUR FACES?</p><p class="karkat">I'M HONESTLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM.</p><p class="karkat">HE SEEMS STRESSED WITH WORK AND HE DOESN'T EAT UNLESS IT'S LIKE 4 IN THE MORNING. </p><p class="karkat">THAT AND HE'S BEEN SLEEPING LIKE WAY MORE THAN USUAL.</p><p class="karkat">HE DOESN'T USUALLY ACT LIKE THIS AND I WANT TO FIND OUT WHY. </p><p class="sollux">gonna be real.</p><p class="sollux">its times like this that reminds me why we're friends</p><p class="karkat">YOU MEAN WHY YOU PUT UP WITH ME.</p><p class="sollux">nah.</p><p class="sollux">youre loud and can be a pain in my ass.</p><p class="sollux">but dude, this is cool of you.</p><p class="sollux">and if you're worried about john than i am too</p><p class="karkat">SO YOU'LL HELP ME PULL SOMETHING TOGETHER FOR HIM.</p><p class="sollux">yep.</p><p class="sollux">i'll even say it was my idea when we talk to dave.</p><p class="karkat">THANKS...</p><p class="sollux">cant let anyone know you have a heart.</p><p class="karkat">JUST GIVE ME SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO HELP JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">we can talk about this tomorrow</p><p class="sollux">something came up</p><p class="karkat">I SWEAR, IF YOU'RE WRITING THIS SHIT OFF.</p><p class="karkat">TO GO JACK OFF.</p><p class="karkat">I'M GOING TO COME DOWN STAIRS AND RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD. OFF.</p><p class="sollux">fine.</p><p class="sollux">if you're gonna have another tantrum we can talk about this for a bit</p><p class="sollux">just...</p><p class="sollux">talk all sexy.</p><p class="karkat">WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING TRY TO TALK TO YOU?!</p><p class="sollux">yeah baby</p><p class="sollux">just like that</p><p class="karkat">JESUS. FUCKING. </p><p class="karkat">JUST FOCUS ON JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">oh yeah, baby.</p><p class="sollux">you wanna threesome? </p><p class="karkat">FOCUS ON HELPING OUR DEPRESSED FRIEND OR SO HELP ME GOD.</p><p class="sollux">you gonna come down here?</p><p class="sollux">make me behave??</p><p class="karkat">I'M GOING TO CHOP OFF YOUR BALLS AND SEE IF THAT CLEARS YOUR FUCKING HEAD.</p><p class="karkat">DON'T FUCKING MESS WITH ME LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW. I'M NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD.</p><p class="karkat">I HONESTLY THINK JOHN'S DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW.</p><p class="sollux">cause he got rejected or because of something else?</p><p class="karkat">OKAY. </p><p class="karkat">SO HE TOLD ME SOMETHING IN CONFIDENCE</p><p class="karkat">AND I'M NOT GONNA REPEAT IT.</p><p class="karkat">BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT JOHN NEVER WANTED TO ASK OUT ROXY.</p><p class="sollux">right.</p><p class="sollux">you think it's cause john thought rolal was out of his league or something?</p><p class="karkat">NOT SURE</p><p class="karkat">I THINK IT'S CAUSE HE WAS SCARED OF LIKE DATING A FRIEND MAYBE?</p><p class="karkat">AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE SHIT AWKWARD IF THEY BROKE UP OR SOMETHING.</p><p class="sollux">but he took the chance anyway?</p><p class="sollux">...and that made you worried enough to talk to me?</p><p class="karkat">RIGHT.</p><p class="sollux">so johns taking some weird risks now by asking out roxy...</p><p class="sollux">i get you think hes lonely and i do too.</p><p class="sollux">but i dont see the problem here, kk.</p><p class="karkat">WHY IS IT SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR YOU TO GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL?!</p>
<hr/><p>Where the fuck did this fucking come from?</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">whoa whoa</p><p class="sollux">what the fuck did i do?</p><p class="karkat">CAPTOR.</p><p class="karkat">I THINK JOHN'S LIKE AT THE END OF HIS ROPE.</p><p class="sollux">what?</p><p class="karkat">I THINK HE'S HAVING A CRISIS. </p><p class="karkat">I THINK HE ASKED OUT ROXY AS LIKE A LAST RESORT KIND OF THING.</p><p class="karkat">BASED OFF OF SOMETHING HE TOLD ME THAT I CAN NOT REPEAT...</p><p class="karkat">I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT HE'S WORRIED HE'S NEVER GOING TO END UP WITH ANYONE AND THAT HE'S A LOSER CAUSE OF IT.</p><p class="sollux">thats so not fucking true.</p><p class="karkat">WE KNOW THAT.</p><p class="karkat">HE DOESN'T.</p><p class="sollux">we just need to talk with him as like a fucked up family.</p><p class="sollux">bout time it was someone other than me and dave that called a John intervention to order tbh.</p><p class="karkat">SOLLUX.</p><p class="karkat">T. B. H.</p><p class="karkat">I DON'T THINK THAT WILL WORK, ESPECIALLY NOT WITH YOU PRESENT.</p><p class="sollux">what?!</p><p class="sollux">dude you are so fucking much right now.</p><p class="sollux">the fuck?</p><p class="sollux">do you think ill fuck this up?</p><p class="sollux">the fuck are you trying to say?</p>
<hr/><p>If Karkat is really trying to bring your mood swings into this-</p>
<hr/><p class="karkat">YOU DATE A NEW GIRL EVERY FUCKING MONTH.</p><p class="karkat">JOHN WOULD INSTANTLY FEEL LIKE A LOSER IF YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT DATING NOT MEANING SHIT.</p><p class="sollux">oh.</p><p class="sollux">well... ive never stuck around in a relationship for longer than a month.</p><p class="karkat">YOU DATE FEFERI LIKE TWICE A YEAR.</p><p class="sollux">so what?<br/>
i add up that time?</p><p class="karkat">DUH</p><p class="sollux">listen. it doesn't matter anyway,</p><p class="sollux">i dont want to date her again, </p><p class="sollux">last time she told me shes moving again and not to wait up.</p><p class="sollux">then she came back and was all pissed i was dating aa</p><p class="sollux">its a whole fucking thing.</p><p class="sollux">think im done with girls for a while anyway.</p><p class="sollux">too much of a hassle to keep up with and id like to spend some time coding for once.</p><p class="karkat">FUCK</p><p class="karkat">WAIT...</p><p class="karkat">AREN'T YOU DATING NEPETA?</p><p class="sollux">huh?</p><p class="sollux">not since i last took a shit.</p><p class="sollux">we just broke it off a few minutes ago while i was on the jon.</p><p class="sollux">thanks for reminding me i was dating her, kk</p><p class="sollux">slipped my mind, and it's about time i focus on coding anyway.</p><p class="karkat">ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS LITERAL SHIT?</p><p class="karkat">DID YOU BREAK UP WITH A GIRL BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO CODE?</p><p class="karkat">YOU KNOW HOW THAT FUCKING SOUNDS, YOU STUPID FUCKING NERD PRICK?</p><p class="sollux">dude, she doesnt even like me.</p><p class="sollux">she likes you.</p><p class="sollux">and honestly, i think you should give her a chance.</p><p class="sollux">neps fucking chill.</p><p class="karkat">SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT NEPETA.</p><p class="sollux">you brought her up.</p><p class="karkat">THIS IS ABOUT JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">okay. </p><p class="sollux">so no family pep talk then...</p><p class="sollux">maybe dave should talk to him.</p><p class="sollux">he's never dated anyone either.</p><p class="karkat">ME EITHER, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME SUITABLE TO HANDLE THIS SHIT ALONE AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT DAVE CAN HANDLE IT ON HIS OWN EITHER. </p><p class="sollux">what?<br/>
dude, didn't you have a thing with terezi?</p><p class="karkat">NO.</p><p class="karkat">NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FOCUS.</p>
<hr/><p>The dude just shoots you down when it's so obvious he did for like a month!</p>
<hr/><p class="karkat">BACK TO MY POINT,</p><p class="karkat">WHICH YOU SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED,</p><p class="karkat">DAVE IS NO MORE SUITABLE TO HANDLE THIS SHIT THAN I AM.</p><p class="karkat">I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO SAY TO EGBERT TO GET HIM OUT OF HIS RUT, I MEAN DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED TODAY?</p><p class="sollux">yeah</p><p class="sollux">with those bags under his eyes</p><p class="sollux">he looked like death</p><p class="karkat">AND STRIDER WAS TO BUSY SIGHING AND GAWKING LIKE AN MORON TO EVEN NOTICE.</p><p class="sollux">hey</p><p class="sollux">i can respect a man who thinks with his dick and lives by its rules</p><p class="sollux">i let both of mine do the talking whenever youre around baby</p><p class="karkat">REALLY?! I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I THINK OUR BEST FRIEND HAS DEPRESSION OR IS BURNT OUT OR SOME SHIT AND YOU FELT THE NEED TO YET AGAIN SPREAD THE FALSE RUMOR ABOUT YOU HAVING TWO OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING?</p><p class="sollux">its not a lie.</p><p class="sollux">why do you think i'm obsessed with having two of everything in the first place?</p><p class="karkat">SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE SERIOUS!</p><p class="sollux">i just told you, its not a lie.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY!</p><p class="karkat">FUCK!</p><p class="karkat">THIS WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT JOHN AND YOU KEEP SIDETRACKING ME WITH STUPID SHIT AND I'M DONE!</p><p class="karkat">I'LL HANDLE IT MYSELF!</p><p class="karkat">BUT YOU COULD STAND TO DO SOMETHING TO ACTUALLY CHEER EGBERT UP INSTEAD OF GROPING HIM AND BRAGGING ABOUT HOW SMALL YOUR FUCKING DICK IS!</p><p class="sollux">dicks.</p><p class="sollux">plural.</p>
<hr/><p>Instantly he gave up on you. He left you alone in the chat. You honestly thought you'd start laughing but you're left with nothing other than a bitter feeling. You guess it's too late to message back that you really do want to help Egbert. But you know that Karkat isn't really <em>the healing type. </em>You're better off talking to John about this alone, after all Ecto did pull you aside to talk about how you deal with your manic depression when you have episodes... </p><p>Maybe it really is time that you go to bed.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You let out a huge yawn as you sit up in bed. You smack your mouth open and close a few times, your mouth tastes like shit. You start swatting around the floor next to you for your glasses. Before you even finish putting them on you spot a familiar gray blur in it's usual spot. He's already down stairs with you. </p><p>"WHY DON'T YOU WEAR ANY CLOTHES WHEN YOU SLEEP? Karkat keeps moaning and complaining in his desk chair while he watches you stand up and slip on your pajama bottoms. "WHY DO I HAVE TO SPEND EVERY FUCKING MORNING WATCHING YOU GET DRESSED?" </p><p>You laugh out of your nose and then ask, "every morning? It's probably three, kk." You grab onto the same shirt you wore last night and start slipping your head through it as you say, "and you don't <em>have</em> to watch me do a reverse strip tease every day."</p><p>"YES. I DO." Karkat lifts up both his hands to shout, "YOU MADE IT SO THE WIFI WORKS THE BEST IN THIS ROOM!"</p><p>"You have a router in your room, what the fuck are you talking about?"</p><p>"NO. I SWEAR THE INTERNET IS FASTER IN HERE NOW." </p><p>"I'm damn sure it works best in your room, not mine -and you know what? If you're not gonna use the wifi in there than I'm just going to take back my router." You start walking out of the room.</p><p>Karkat yells at you as you leave, "WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE TAKE OUT THE REST OF YOUR SHIT." </p><p>You narrow your eyes and stuff down all the arguments you want to make for why the room should be yours. But no, even though you do more around the house and Karkat ran his room into the ground, you think twice before starting shit. Instead you turn around and tell him, "how about the two of us stop arguing for a while... just until Egbert gets his groove back?" </p><p>Karkat gives you an angry pout, you lift your shoulders up to shrug as you faux-pout back at Karkat.</p><p>Karkat looks you up and down. Takes a second before he spouts out, "FINE."</p><p>Karkat turns back around to face his laptop as he says, "I WON'T START SHIT IF YOU DON'T."</p><p>"Fair." You agree as you leave to collect your router from his room upstairs. </p><p>. . .</p><p>You couldn't help but grab a few things from inside of Karkat's room. You found a few USB drives you let him borrow filled with pirated games and movies. You're sure that Karkat still wants to use these and the pillows he took from your bed but that's tough shit. They're yours and he already said he's not gonna start shit.</p><p>You carry a huge pile of your things in your arms as you walk from the third floor to the second, humming a happy tune just because you can't whistle. Looks like John's in the kitchen making pancakes, you don't know how long you've been up there but apparently long enough for Egbert to sneak downstairs and make a full plate of chocolate chip pancakes. Oh shit! He's even got a plate of bananas slices just for you. </p><p>You walk up to Ecto, still with all of your shit in your hand. John looks up and over at you as you walk up behind him. </p><p>"Spring cleaning?" John jokes.</p><p>"Just figured I might as well start now, or I'll never get around to it." You smile softly back at John, until he turns his head to flip a pancake using nothing but the pan. Thank God he put that fucking weapon away for once... oh... nope there it is. Right there in his hand, it's the punisher. </p><p>John holds up the spatula and half-heartedly holds it up to you. "Do you want caramel on it, or not today?"</p><p>"No, honey instead." You let him know.</p><p>"It's always one or the other with you, honey." John loves saying little phrases like that that. "Can you put your things away and then grab Karkat for me?" Ecto asks sweetly. "I'll grab-" For some reason John starts to crack up. "-I'll grab- I'll gra-ah haha!"</p><p>You open your eyes wide as you take a deep breath through your nose. John's always laughing at every little thing when he's in a good mood, even the thoughts he has in his head that he thinks are funny. You think you know the joke he's gonna make, "you're gonna grab yourdadscock?" </p><p>John belts out a loud "AHHAHA!" As he violently nods and holds his stomach. </p><p>You can smell the pancake in his pan start to burn. You rush over to the stove and try to maneuver all of your shit into one hand. You start dropping a few things to the floor but saving this pancake for John is more important. He takes too much pride in his cooking and he can never stop laughing once he starts, if this pancake burns he's going to be berating himself all day.  </p><p><em>'Fuck, it's too early in the morning for this shit.' </em>You think to yourself as you sink the pancake onto a plate and drop a USB drive to the tile floor.</p><p>John's holding his sides and cracking up, you can't see how John is in any way depressed but Karkat seems to think there's something eating at him. If Vantas is taking this seriously enough to form a truce with you then you'll take it seriously. You'll ask Dave what he thinks later, he knows Egbert better than anyone, even Egbert.</p><p>You guess John's laughing loud enough to wake up the whole house cause Strider just came out of his cave. There's depression if you've ever saw it. Dave stalks down the steps and comes over, prompting John to laugh even harder. Strider gives you a violent glare, you can feel it through those pitch black shades of his. For some reason, he's pissed. You shrug and look down at John, who's still holding onto his sides... only now, he's pointing at Dave with his spatula and laughing. John starts holding onto you. Tears from John's eyes are rolling down his cheeks. </p><p>You look up at Dave and explain as John clings to you, "he asked me to grab Karkat for breakfast, and he started laughing because he was going to grab <em>Yourdadscock."</em></p><p>Dave still keeps glaring at you, but now you see that he's less tense. Dave gets like this when you play flirt with Egbert, you're still trying to warm Dave up to the idea that anyone can do anything to Ecto and he welcomes it, like it's all a big game. You use your free hand to wrap around John and then lean a bit down to squeeze his ass. John starts laughing even harder. You nod at Dave and then gesture with your head for him to come over and feel for himself while EB's in a good mood. </p><p>Dave instead turns around to look at the staircase, you guess your favorite roommate is coming upstairs now. You sigh and stop feeling up John, he's going to yell at you that you're being a disgusting pervert again or something and you promised no starting shit, that probably includes intentionally pissing kk off. </p><p>Karkat comes up the steps and pushes Strider out of his way. KK opens up the fridge and digs past all the leftovers for his carton of milk. You hope this time he makes sure it's his. KK loves to just open up the cap and start drinking right from the thing. Eh, you're sure that Egbert already has the <em>real </em>milk out on the counter behind you for when he made the batter. You watch Karkat not even look if there is his name written in sharpie oon the cartin as he takes a hugeass swig from it. He downs the rest of the milk left and then wipes his face. Karkat turns to look at you after.</p><p>Karkat is giving you a look like you just stole from him. Kk just fucking asked you to take back all of your shit from his room and he's looking at you like <strong>that.</strong> You hold onto <strong>your</strong> pillows and then kneel down to the ground to collect everything you dropped. Egbert is still cracking up and crying at Yourdadscock as you and Karkat both stare each other down. You're waiting for him to speak first. You didn't do shit and he knows it. Karkat instead turns around and directs his focus as TG, "WHY DO YOU LOOK SO PISSED FIRST THING IN THE MORNING?"</p><p>"Oh." Strider gave both of you a look, "sorry. I forgot that was your thing."</p><p>Dave walked outside and sat down in his usual spot. You watch him brush his snow white bangs back with his almost equally pale hands. Maybe you were right to worry about Dave more than John seeing that TG's so irritable.</p><p>Karkat gives you a look, right away you get that he's trying to tell you that he's annoyed that he has three broken people to deal with now instead of just the usual one plus the additional one he made plans to help. You gesture towards John with your head as you sink away from John and out of the kitchen. You rush downstairs to toss all of your shit on your bed and then you head back up. Right away you find John hugging Karkat and holding onto him as he laughs. Karkat keeps patting his back and he's letting John hold him. Holy shit. Kk really is serious about this John being depressed thing, Karkat never lets anyone hug him, let alone for this long.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Took a while for John to calm down from his lousy laughing fit. He's always like this so you don't see a reason to worry, it's you having a laughing fit that concerns your friends, but you've been solid for a while now. You think if you start to have an episode, you're just going to chill with your brother who lives a few good miles from here, better to spend the gas on that than having John stress over you and how you're recovering. </p><p>The four of you are eating those chocolate chip pancakes John so kindly made for all of you, Karkat still had the balls to not say thank you until Strider kicked him. You nearly slapped him yourself for grumbling that he didn't even need to thank him. KK just mumbled something about how John just loves cooking enough to just do it for the shit of it. That might be true but EB doesn't have to go out of his way to always make everything perfect but he still does. </p><p>The table is awkwardly quiet and you watch Strider down his apple juice and John slowly chew on his blueberry jam covered batter disk. You break the silence yourself, "anyone here get a good night's sleep?"</p><p>"No." Strider muttered.</p><p>"NO." Karkat looked annoyed at you for asking.</p><p>"I don't think I ever have." You answer your own question.</p><p>John finished swallowing his pancake as he answered by singing "I did!"</p><p>You wait for the usual <em>"That's great, John." </em>from TG, but it never comes. </p><p>You tell John yourself you're happy he got some sleep last night, "cool, glad someone did."</p><p>John happily smiles up at you. He giggles. "I wanted to talk to all of you about something that happened to me last night actually..." John looks more than pleased to tell you, <em>"someone</em> messaged me last night a little love confession."</p><p>Your heart stops for a split second. Strider's been silent. He's been irritable. He's not even looking at John.</p><p>"Holy shit." You didn't even hide your surprise. It finally happened. Strider finally bit the bullet and did it. </p><p>You turn to Karkat, even he looks shocked that Strider finally ripped off the band-aid. "-THE FUCK?"</p><p>John happily hums and sways his body back and forth like he's listening to music. He seems really happy with Strider's confession... but then... why does Strider look so pissed?</p><p>You break your gaze away from TG and turn to face John as he spoke,</p><p>"You guys are all so awesome!" </p><p>"Why's that?" You ask yourself, you're not even waiting for the other two to recover from the blow of John saying that shit. </p><p>"Cause." John nods. "I guess I haven't been hiding it that well, but I've been like... out of sorts lately." </p><p><em>'Jesus.'</em> You think to yourself, <em>'Karkat called it.'</em></p><p>You nod as John speaks, trying hard to cover up your surprise as John tells you, "I've been feeling like I'm getting older and I've still never dated so that... kinda makes me a loser... but I can't believe that you guys would go out of your way to try to cheer me up."</p><p>"Ohhh..." You try your best to keep your focus on John and not the man having a mental break down right next to him.</p><p>"I can't believe you all want to try your hand at pranking just to cheer me up!"</p><p>If John's taking Strider's confession like it's a joke, just how bad was it? On top of that, you're glad that John looks happy right now and that he's not taking <em>this little prank</em> like it's an insult... maybe you really should be concerned about John, this is a weird fucking response to all of this.</p><p>Dave finally speaks up, "look, man."</p><p>All of you turn your heads and jump straight into looking at the man of the hour as he talks, "I didn't have anything to do with this shit. I'm honestly lost- you said someone confessed to you?"</p><p>"Uh- yeah!?" John happily nods his head, he's giggling like it's funny that Dave isn't in on the joke.</p><p>"And you're sure it's a prank?" Dave scratches the back of his neck and asks the love of his life, "why?"</p><p>"Cause no one would say <em>anything </em>this guy said to me and really mean it!" John was talking like he was stating the obvious. </p><p>You jump in, "I don't know, EB." You take John's attention away from Dave as you say, "you're a catch. Anybody would be lucky to be with a guy as chill as you. John you're-"</p><p>"WAIT WAIT WAIT." Karkat cuts you're speech off as he asks John to clarify something, "YOU SAID SOME <em>GUY. </em>HOW ARE YOU SO SURE IT'S A DUDE?"</p><p>John starts explaining, "cause he told me something about how he knows I'm straight and he doesn't have a chance and- why am I explaining it? It's from you probably anyway."</p><p>"I DIDN'T SEND YOU JACK SHIT." Karkat brushes John off.</p><p>"Yeah." You nod your head over at John, "I didn't send you anything last night either, EB."</p><p>"Oh haha!" John says the cliché, "very funny guys." </p><p>"John." Dave found the balls to speak up again. "Whoever the fuck sent you those messages was probably being serious."</p><p>"Huh?" John turned his head to look at the man sitting besides him.</p><p>Dave still isn't eating or looking at Egbert, if John really looked around the table he'd see what's clearly going on... but maybe it's best to have him think it's a prank before he really catches on.</p><p>"Yeah. Maybe it's real." You nod along with Dave. "Better send back a dick pic or two just to be sure."</p><p>"Oh!" John lifts up his hand to swat towards you, "now I know those were from you for sure!"</p><p>John lifts up his other hand to cover up his buck teeth, "you'd do anything for me to send you nudes, I bet!"</p><p>"Oh yeah, baby." You nod your head up and down as you stare into those bluebell eyes of his, "you gonna send me some full body pics, you know I can't resist that fucking waist of yours, bitc-"</p><p>"SHUT UP, CAPTOR." Karkat smacks your arm. "WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING THINK FOR ONCE BEFORE YOU SPEAK."</p><p>You sigh. It's for the best you make John think it's just a joke. "Fine then... To be real, I'm pretty damn sure that whoever sent those messages is just pulling some stupid prank." You look at Karkat like you're begging him to join you here. "John would know if something is a prank or not, he's the pro here."</p><p>"That is true." John nods and fixes his glasses as he proudly announces, "as I'm sure you all know by now, I am the prank master."</p><p>"OKAY." Karkat alternates his gaze between you and Egbert. You're begging him to trust you so you can save Dave from any more embarrassment. Karkat looks back at John and says, "RIGHT. THIS IS PROBABLY SOMEONE PULLING A FAST ONE ON JOHN CAUSE OF THAT SHIT THAT WENT DOWN WITH ROXY, AND THAT'S FUCKING STUPID TO KICK SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE DOWN."</p><p>You smile at Kk for saying that. Karkat continues to talk about how it's not even a good prank anyway and this person is a loser for fucking with him. You look over at John, he's tilting his head. John looks like he's piecing  something together in his mind. You need to throw him off some more. </p><p>"Right." You nod along with Karkat's words and interrupt him. "But... just in case it's not a prank... send nudes."</p><p>That got a chuckle out of John, you watch John blow a raspberry out of his closed lips.</p><p>You keep going, "if this person really is in love with you, he'll love the fucking nudes and if it's a fucking joke. You win gay chicken. Right off the bat."</p><p>John keeps laughing as you tell him, "you'd give the other guy a heart attack either way."</p><p>"So... you guys think it's just... <em>gay chicken?" </em>John asks in that overly sweet tone. He sounds a bit confused. </p><p>Dave steps in again, ruining it for himself. "John, I bet you those messages are probably real, like Sollux said... you're an amazing guy whose sweet and you have a great sense of humor about life and everything... I don't get why you'd think it's a joke someone confessed. You're honestly amazing, John."</p><p>John tilts his head over at Dave. He's still giving all of you that confused look, like he's trying to figure something out. You can't let him get that it's real. That'll just fucking crush him and Dave. John's gonna feel so bad that he just laughed off those messages and made a show of how funny they were to him. That and if John figures out it's Dave, two of them are probably going to have a bit of a rift in their relationship for a while and you don't want to see Dave go through that shit, let alone John. You've got to get John to think it's just a prank. </p><p>Seems like Karkat thought the same thing just now cause he asks John, "WHAT DID THOSE MESSAGES EVEN SAY? CAN YOU EVEN TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY AS A LOVE CONFESSION?"</p><p>"Oh!" John quickly claps his hands together and then points up a finger, looks like he just had an idea. </p><p>John grabbed his phone from the table and started fiddling around with it. You watch John stick out his tongue and scroll up to find the start of the messages before he hands it over to you. John directs Dave to get up and go read them with you three. </p><p>You and Karkat both blankly stare and watch Dave walk over. Dave sighs as he hunches over you to read the messages. You guess the three of you worked together to dig this hole you're all now stuck in. You might as well read the messages that got you there in the first place.</p><p>You hold the phone and skim the messages with Karkat breathing down your neck. Dave leaned in only to pretend that he's reading. God. This is all total and complete crap. If you ever confessed your love to someone, you'd never fucking say any of this shit. You'd just say I love you and move on right to the fucking.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">i want to be with you but i know that's not possible... </p><p class="honey">i’d do anything to make you happy</p><p class="honey">even if that meant you never loving me back.</p><p class="john">who...</p><p class="john">who is this?</p><p class="john">...</p><p class="john">hello?</p><p class="john">anyone there?</p><p class="john">is this like a joke?</p><p class="john">cause if it's not i'm sorry that i'm not interested in guys...</p><p class="john">but i'd like to at least talk to you?</p><p class="john">hello?</p>
<hr/><p>Well... at least John intended to let Dave down easy. But why did Dave all of a sudden just blow up the other day and confess!? You didn't even notice anything was off with him. Maybe this has something to do with his family life, Dave only ever talks to John about that shit and the other Strider never talks to anyone unless he wants something out of them. Dirk doesn't want to give away any weaknesses of his... sad thing that Dave's like that too.</p><p>You look up at the poor sap next to you.</p><p>Everyone here already knows who the messages are from, but you've got to put on a face like you're blind to the fact it's the lanky albino twink hovering over you.</p><p>Dave certainly is. He's rocking a poker face like he's never read these messages before, even going to far to actually react to the end of the messages with, "why'd he just stop?"</p><p>"Don't know?" John smiles up at Dave. "Why <em>did</em> you stop?"</p><p>You feel your own heart in your throat. Was John piecing together that it was Dave? No... there's nothing in these messages that would tell him that and John didn't even pay attention to Dave's little freak out earlier. </p><p>John then looked over at you, "or was it you?" </p><p>You tell him directly, "I didn't send this, you know that. I would have romanced you and then asked for nudes straight up."</p><p>"But... you just suggested that I send nudes?" John tilted his head. "Do you secretly <em>love me...</em> or are you<em> playing me?"</em></p><p>John doesn't honestly get what's going on here. Oh, thank God. You're in the clear. He's still trying to figure things out.</p><p>Karkat answers before John even gets to him, "I DIDN'T SEND YOU SHIT, AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANY REASON FOR WHY ANY OF US WOULD TRY TO PRANK YOU LIKE THIS?"</p><p>"Well, cause I haven't been in a pranking mood cause I haven't been in my usual high spirits!" John answers for Karkat. "I bet you probably noticed and tried to prank me but backed out! And now you feel guilty... so you're all backing out!" John clasps his hands together and tells you all, "but it's okay! I love the gesture! And hearing all these nice compliments always lifts my spirits when I feel low, that's why I love when you pretend to be into me Sollux."</p><p>"Right." You roll your eyes as you joke, "pretend." </p><p>John right away gets that you're making a joke, "see! Just like this!"</p><p>John nods kindly as he tells you all, "I think it's really sweet of you guys to join into Sollux's little joke thingy, I know he's always trying to get you two to join in!" That's really what John thinks this is? That and... he can fucking tell you're trying to get Dave to join in!? How did he notice that shit but not Strider freaking shit?! Is he pulling a fast one on you? You have no way of knowing. You just have to hope this whole thing has the chance to blow over. The moment that John figures out that Dave is the one in love with him is the moment Strider has a <em>real </em>fucking break down.</p><p>Of course Strider tells the love of his miserable life, "John. I don't think this is a joke."</p><p>"Oh, please." John waved off Dave's worried tone. “Have you seen me? I’m not exactly spanking material.”</p><p>“I BEG TO DIFFER.” Karkat mutters, “I WOULDN'T MIND SLAPPING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."</p><p>John let out a light laugh. “Well, I’m going to have to tell whoever it is I have too many men in my life anyway, my ass is still killing me from how hard you three worked me yesterday night!”</p><p>“You sure it wasn’t that burrito you made last night that hurt your ass?" You joke. Maybe you can distract him.</p><p>"Ha! Maybe I should tell this guy that I always cook for you three too!" John jokes, more to himself than to the table, "he'll get so jealous of my <em>three favorite guys."</em></p><p>"SO YOU THINK IT'S ONE OF THE GUYS FROM THE CHAT?" Karkat asks, you think he's trying to lead John away from the fact it's one of you.</p><p>"Well it has to be!" John lifts up his hand as he says, "those are the only people I know!"</p><p>"What about the people at work?" Dave brings himself to ask.</p><p>"No one there has my handle." John shrugged. "No one there would even want to prank me anyway."</p><p>"If it even is a prank." Dave mutters.</p><p>"Oh stop with that!" John brushes Dave's comment off. "It totally is!"</p><p>"Afraid to get your hopes up?" You give John eyes as you joke.</p><p>John shakes his head and sighs, “well then, if I'm being honest than he'd be a guy and you know the score. I only swing that way on bank holidays.”</p><p>“I know your yearly schedule," you sarcastically say, "obviously, I have it memorized.” </p><p>“Gotta give those bankers something to do on their day off right?” John laughs.</p><p>"I can't see <em>anyone </em>staring up at their ceiling thinking of me! I'm not the kind of guy who keeps someone up at night."</p><p>You instantly Joke, "oh, you keep me <em>up </em>all night, that's for sure."</p><p>John snorts and cackles. He sounds like he's choking on his own laughter. </p><p>John lifts up his glasses for a moment to wipe a tear out of his eye. "You always cheer me up, Sollux..."</p><p>John stops wiping his eye as he says, "and listen guys. If you three want to keep this prank going you totally can. Don't feel bad that-"</p><p>"None of us sent that message."</p><p>You look over at Dave. He's completely denying that he had anything to do with those words, like those aren't his actual feelings he must have spammed John with at 6 a.m.</p><p>Dave firmly told EB, "John. Honestly, none of us have anything to do with this." </p><p>John tilted his head. "Huh?" John outstretched his hand to take back his phone from you. You give it to him and he looks over the messages again.</p><p>"But then who would send me these?" John looks up at nothing as he wanders out loud to himself,  "I mean... it can't be a real confession... can it?"</p><p>John tilts his head and continues to blankly stare up at nothing, "Tav doesn't talk like that ever, Dirk would just offer to suck my dick without shame... Jake’s my cousin, Gamzee is too high to type a real sentence half the time, I never talk to Eridan ever or Dirk or any of the other guys you all know... -I swear. This has to be like you... Right, Dave?"</p><p>You look at John like he just stabbed you and you're slowly noticing there's a wound right there in your chest. You don't think that either of them need this right now... John doesn't need the bitter realization he laughed at everything Dave ever felt about him, and Dave doesn't need his best friend rejecting him right in front of you and Karkat. John looks over at you, EB sees the face you're making and asks as he points at the phone, "is it you?"</p><p>You open your mouth to speak, words don't come out. You shake your head no.</p><p>John just looks at Karkat and he shakes his head no as he crosses his arms. </p><p>John tilts his head and gives you all a half-smile. "Well... even if it isn't any of you... It's still just a prank."</p><p>John looks at his phone like the messages mean very little to him, this must be stabbing into Dave completely, you felt like you were getting stabbed by John and you're not the one with your life on the line here.</p><p>You can hear a hint of hurt behind Strider's words as he asks John, "what it it's not a joke?"</p><p>Ecto shrugs and tells you all, "then I'll let him down easy." </p><p>John starts typing some message.</p><p>He looks up at all three of you once it's sent.</p><p>None of your phones buzz.</p><p>John gives all of you a pout.</p><p>John suddenly perks up, "Oh! I didn't even think about how it could be one of the girls! Ooo! Maybe all of them!"</p><p>You don't know why he sounds so happy about a group of girls faking a love confession, that sounds like bullying to you. Nope, Egbert's so thrilled with the idea he sits up from the table and heads into the kitchen with his empty plate. </p><p>John's peeking his head out of the glass door as he begs all three of you, "if it really is you guys! Please please please keep messaging me! I love a good prank war!"</p><p>John smiles at all three of you as he says, "and... honestly that was a real pick me up! I was reading those messages and just thinking <em>'Jesus, this is cheesy!' </em>But then I realized that was exactly the words I wanted to hear from someone and I realized just like... how dumb they sounded!"</p><p>
  <em>'How<strong> dumb</strong> they sound...? Brutal.'</em>
</p><p>EB started chuckling, he looks like he's about to leave, he turns his head like he's gonna go inside, but nope. EB just starts right back up again, "-and like a week ago I was like '<em>ugh! Why does no girl want to date me!' </em>Then I realized that Vriska liked me about two years ago, and I saw how badly she bullied Tavros and I shot her down every time she asked and eventually she just gave up! And I love Roxy as a friend, I think if we dated half of the time I'd be wondering if she was thinking about Dirk or not... I don't need to rush into anything... maybe I just need someone to tell me all the things I thought I wanted to hear and think about if that's really what I want... and that stuff I just heard." John points towards the three of you with his dirty plate and says,</p><p>"I realized I don't want any of that."</p><p>John smiles so hard his eyes weld shut.</p><p>John lightly laughs as he says, "I want to be with someone who likes me for me, but not someone who obsesses over me! I don't need to be worshipped... just liked."</p><p>John nods firmly and proudly as he tells you three, "all of a sudden I feel so happy cause I figured out I want to find someone who likes me as a best friend and dates me cause they like my sense of humor and then we take it from there... I need the right kind of relationship and I don't want to waste my time on anything else..."</p><p>You're starting to pray that John just goes inside. That he starts stabbing into Dave like this. That he just pulls out the knife and let's him bleed to death already.</p><p>"Jeez. Captor, I was so Jealous of you because you kept dating girls off and on, like it didn't mean diddly shit to you."</p><p>EB addressed you, you can end this now.</p><p>You speak up before John even takes another breath, "I'm sorry you felt that way, man... but me never committing to anything isn't something to be jealous of... and hey, I'm glad you're happy but you keep swinging that plate around and you're gonna break it."</p><p>"You're right. I should just get on with it and go inside. Just... I wanted to say how much that helped me. I tried my best to hide it... but I've been so stressed and upset and depressed... this really made a difference."</p><p>John smiled at all of you one last time, when his eyes fell on Dave, TG paid John a smile. </p><p>John goes inside and shuts the door. He's still smiling as he happily puts his plate away and starts cleaning up the kitchen counters. </p><p>Dave rushes to sit back down in his seat. TG picks his phone up from the table.</p><p>He sounds like he's in pain as he whispers, "oh thank god."</p><p>Dave's phone's screen is completely black. It died probably the moment he set it down on the table to eat.</p><p>Dave suddenly starts wiping his bangs again, his face is going from pink to red in a matter of seconds. </p><p>You rush to comfort Dave, "he doesn't know it was you... and you made those messages so late at night... they don't even sound like you, or how you describe how you like John... Dave he wasn't laughing at your confession." You lean towards the table and tell TG, "John was laughing at the messages because you sounded tired and it read like you were literally going nuts over him. Which isn't true... Dave, John's like your rock and that's why you seem obsessed over him."</p><p>"YEAH." Karkat actually joins in to help you. "AND JOHN'S OUR ROCK TOO."</p><p>Karkat looks between you and Dave as he says, "HOW ABOUT WE JUST FUCKING FOCUS ON HOW JOHN SAID HE WAS DEPRESSED, AND THAT CHANGED HIS PERSPECTIVE. THAT'S WORTH SOMETHING."</p><p>Dave nods. He puts a fist up to his forehead, it looks like he's about to start bashing his head into it. </p><p>Dave starts shaking as he confesses, "last fucking night I was feeling so guilty cause John could just spin the fucking roulette wheel and pick any girl he wanted too. John could fucking get <em>any one</em> of them apparently and I was the thing holding him back and I couldn't take the thought of holding him back anymore so I just pulled the trigger so he could reject me but I did it anonymously so he didn't have to feel bad about rejecting his best friend since fucking middle school! and I guess that was a better option than just screaming at him that I loved him in his face at fuckin 6 a.m. or however late it was and maybe I should have at least tried to call my bro or Rose to calm me down, but I wasn't thinking because I was so fucking sleep deprived and I'm such a fucking idiot and even John can see that now." Dave looks like he's on the verge of tears, something that you've <em>never </em>seen in all of your years of living with him. Dave is still shaking and pretty much panicking. </p><p>You can see in the corner of your eye Karkat turn to you, you almost snap your neck at how fast your head turn to meet his gaze. Karkat opened his mouth like he was looking for the words. You find them for him, "Dave... Karkat and I both just pulled all of that shit out of ass to try to keep John from figuring out that it <em>was </em>you."</p><p>Dave's holding onto his head now with both his hands. He looks like he's digging his nails into his head. You try to talk him down, "I tried to convince John it was a joke so he didn't <em>have</em> to reject you..."</p><p>Dave's shivering. You want nothing more than to rush to his side so he can really feel like someone is looking out for him, but you can't with John still cleaning the stove top. You advert you gaze from looking at John once he turns to look at the three of you.</p><p>Karkat gives TG the heads up, "JOHN'S LOOKING AT US."</p><p>Dave starts pretending like he's just looking down because he's scrolling through his phone. </p><p>You look back up at John and just smile at him. John happily waves at you. Looks like he's done with cleaning because he came back out to take your plates.</p><p>Dave sat up right away and walked past him, muttering something about having to take a shit.</p><p>"I'll expect to see you again in five hours then!" John joked. All three of you know that Dave has a shy bladder and he can't shit on any toilet other than his own private one but you can't have John make jokes to him about that kinda shit right now, you need to distract him before he tries to pull Dave into a conversation.</p><p>"Hey, sexy." Right away you get John's attention, fuck you can't think of anything. If you say the first thought that comes into your head with pride, you're sure your confidence will cover you, "you shit with that ass?"</p><p>John breaks out into laughter. Looks like you paralyzed him for at least another twenty.</p><p>At least... you all cheered him up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A Slow Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're sitting down on your couch after work, leaning your back against the arm rest. Sollux and Karkat are on their own little couch and Dave is sitting right next to your feetsies. </p><p>You busted your ass for hours and you work a job where you have to run around all day so you called dibs on what to watch.</p><p>"Oh, fuck yeah." Sollux mutters to himself as he stares down at his phone. "More British baking."</p><p>"You know it!" You smile brightly at Captor.</p><p>"Why are we watching people bake cake when we can just look at your cake, baby?" Sollux joked with you.</p><p>You laugh, having someone flirt with you like this always makes you feel so giddy. It makes you feel so stupid that you can't do anything other than laugh.</p><p>You happily pull out your phone as you watch the contestants all talk about how they feel about bread week. Maybe you should try your hand at baking bread again. Your dad was always so good at baking loafs though, so maybe it's best you don't. Whenever you make something like that in the oven it always reminds you too much of home and how much you miss it.</p><p>You guess you were frowning at your phone because Sollux asks you, "you doing okay, dude?"</p><p>"Yeah..." You nod as you look over at him. Karkat's looking at you like he's worried too. You tilt your head, now you look just as confused as how you feel.</p><p>You yawn, "I'm just tired from work."</p><p>Sollux gives you a small worried smile, "oh... sorry about that shit, man."</p><p>Karkat's always so grumpy but all of a sudden... "IF YOU GET STRESSED ABOUT SOMETHING, YOU CAN TALK TO US ABOUT IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT IT OFF TILL YOU'RE OVER IT." All of a sudden Karkat's so nice.</p><p>You put your hand to your chest, "that's so kind of you."</p><p>Sollux looks over at the screen, instantly you look back at it too. Oh, no. This bitch can't knead dough for shit. </p><p>You tell everyone your thoughts, "her techniques not really that good."</p><p>"Huh?" Sollux turns back around, "guess she must be the fucking worst if <em>you</em> said she's not good."</p><p>"What do you mean by that?" You give Captor a tone full of attitude.</p><p>"Dude." Dave finally spoke up for the first time in forever. "You always sugarcoat things."</p><p>"Huh? I don't, I'm just not rude!" You turn your head to look over at Strider. He's sitting so far from you, you have enough room to move your legs just a little bit more... just a tiny bit...</p><p>"Eh, you used to be blunt. I mean I- Hey! Don't you put your feet on me!" Dave lifts up his thigh and tried to nudge your feet off of him.</p><p>"You used to not mind it!" You argue. </p><p>"I don't usually care, but today your feet reek." Dave just reminded you how sore your feet feel from working a solid twelve hours. </p><p>You stick your tongue out at him as you grab a blanket. You cover yourself and Dave's lap as you ask, "better?"</p><p>"Good enough." Dave shrugs. </p><p>You go back to watching your baking as everyone else around you texts. You wish they were actually watching it and not just momentarily glancing up at the screen, the loafs they are making look amazing!</p><p>You could really go for some lemon poppy seed muffins right about now. Oh, or some chocolate. Maybe some edible cookie dough. You wonder if you have anything in the kitchen left... or did the boys eat it all?</p><p>You slowly start to sit up as you suddenly get a ding on your phone. You guess someone just messaged you. You had Sollux set up your phone so it dings whenever anyone messages you privately so you can help your friends if they ever need to come to you and you alone. Most of the time everyone just talks in all the several different group chats you have.</p><p>You slowly pick up your phone to see who it's from.</p><p>Your shocked expression turns into an open mouth grin.</p><p>You instantly look around, trying to see who has a phone in their hands.<em> 'Gosh darn it.'</em> All three of your roomies are on their phone... there's no way to tell which one of them is your secret admirer... unless... all three of them are sending you messages together somehow!</p><hr/><p class="honey">hey...</p><p class="honey">so about the other day</p><p class="john">yes?</p><p class="honey">i was tired as all hell that night,</p><p class="honey">i thought it over...</p><p class="honey">and i want to apologize for what i said.</p><p class="john">you have nothing to apologize for.</p><p class="honey">how about the way that i said it?</p><p class="john">by "it" do you mean your confession?</p><p class="honey">yes.</p><hr/><p>You let out a small cheer.<br/>You're sure all of the guys can hear you.<br/>You don't care!<br/>This is all super fun in your eyes!</p><hr/><p class="honey">if i didn't pressure myself to confess last night and got some sleep</p><p class="honey">i would have been able to tell you something</p><p class="honey">you know...</p><p class="honey">well i was gonna say legible... but now that i'm thinking about it i wouldn't have confessed if in the first place if i got some sleep.</p><p class="john">oh no!</p><p class="john">i liked what you wrote me</p><p class="john">its exactly what i thought i wanted to hear</p><p class="john">well, maybe not the part about my lips being soft...</p><p class="honey">and maybe not the part about me being a guy either?</p><hr/><p>You're certain this is all just a joke. No way that it isn't! If any of the guys liked you in your chat, they would have told you ages ago! And if it was one of your roommates, you would have been able to tell by now! You better just lean into things and ride the wave to wherever this prank war is taking you!</p><hr/><p class="john">i don't know if i actually mind that part.</p><p class="honey">...</p><p class="honey">honestly?</p><p class="john">eh...</p><p class="john">things haven't been working out with any of the girls so..</p><p class="john">having a guy into me just feels like...</p><p class="john">i don't know?</p><p class="john">an opportunity!</p><p class="honey">whys that?</p><p class="honey">cause you think it's a joke or...?</p><p class="john">so you really are one of the guys?</p><hr/><p>Oh! This is so much fun! It's like guess who!</p><hr/><p class="honey">one of the guys in our group chat?</p><p class="honey">yep</p><p class="honey">you guessed right.</p><p class="john">noooo.... I meant one of the guys living with me!</p><p class="john">you're one of my roomies, right!?</p><p class="john">i mean why else aren't you questioning my random message from earlier that i send to you?</p><p class="honey">you mean the one that just read "test"</p><p class="honey">what was that shit about?</p><p class="john">oh pssssssh!</p><p class="john">don't try to throw me off your trail!</p><p class="john">all of you three where staring at me while i sent that!</p><p class="john">i bet i know who you are!</p><p class="john">is it cool if i take a guess?!</p><p class="honey">uhh...</p><p class="honey">nah...</p><p class="john">aw... why not?</p><p class="honey">because i want to stay anonymous</p><p class="honey">if that's alright by you...</p><p class="honey">it's easier for me.</p><p class="john">okay.</p><p class="john">i can work with that.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>'For now.'</em>
</p><hr/><p class="john">one favor though?</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">how about you redo your love confession for me?!</p><p class="john">i mean, you said you don't like it!</p><p class="john">so do you think you could like pretend like it's your first time confessing to me?</p><p class="john">why not try to tell me what you think's the right words to say?</p><p class="honey">sorry</p><p class="honey">i'm not sure if i have it in me or not</p><p class="john">well why not try at least?</p><p class="honey">i just...</p><p class="honey">i'd rather put some thought into it next time around.</p><p class="john">how long have you been in love with me?</p><p class="honey">a long time.</p><p class="john">well then!?</p><p class="john">haven't you thought about it?!</p><p class="honey">fair point</p><p class="honey">but i raise you this counter argument:</p><p class="honey">fuck off.</p><hr/><p>You instantly start laughing out loud.<br/>You see a few heads turn your way, you're not even gonna bother looking.<br/>You wanna keep chatting it up with your "mystery boyfriend."</p><hr/><p class="john">okay okay!</p><p class="john">i don't need a love confession!</p><p class="john">how about you just tell me a bit about yourself instead?</p><p class="honey">i'm not giving you any hints about who i am.</p><p class="john">so... is this really is just one person messaging me?</p><p class="john">and not a group?</p><p class="honey">yes.</p><p class="john">do you really mean that?</p><p class="honey">why would i lie?</p><p class="john">cause you could be a group of people and you're trying to throw me off your scent!</p><p class="honey">who would ever fuck around with someone's head like that?</p><p class="honey">john...</p><p class="honey">when i said i love you i meant it.</p><p class="honey">i'd never randomly message you at 6 or 7 in the morning just to fuck with you, man</p><p class="honey">who the fuck would be enough of a bastard bitch to do that?</p><p class="john">hmm...</p><hr/><p>You look up at the ceiling. None of your friends like pranks. No one sees the value in them except for you.</p><hr/><p class="john">i don't know!</p><p class="john">i don't think any of our friends would...</p><p class="honey">you don't think any of our friends would</p><p class="honey">cause none of them would do that shit!</p><p class="honey">john i honestly am completely in love with you</p><p class="honey">and i'm glad you're getting a kick out of my confession cause you seem to be happy about it...</p><p class="john">right</p><p class="john">i am.</p><p class="honey">and i want you to know that means the world to me</p><p class="honey">that you felt miserable and i cheered you up</p><p class="john">it really did cheer me up</p><p class="john">real or just a prank, i really REALLY enjoy this...</p><p class="john">so please don't stop messaging me</p><p class="honey">yeah...</p><p class="honey">well... i thought it over, john.</p><p class="honey">i might have made the right decision messaging you</p><p class="john">OH?!</p><p class="honey">i want to confess how i feel about you</p><p class="honey">i want you to know how much i love you</p><p class="honey">i want you to know that you're so amazing and fuckin chill that some guy is so completely head over heels in love with you that his head is stuck up his own ass</p><p class="john">ha!</p><p class="honey">and also...</p><p class="honey">i want to try to get over you.</p><p class="john">oh...</p><p class="john">but...</p><p class="john">why confess if you're just gonna try to get over your feelings?</p><p class="john">that makes no sense?</p><p class="honey">theres a few reasons...</p><p class="john">okay. start with one.</p><p class="honey">you're straight is one</p><p class="honey">another is that the girls seem down with egbert cock</p><p class="john">what?</p><p class="honey">apparently...</p><p class="honey">and i just found this out the other day</p><p class="honey">...all the girls in our entire friend group think you're sweet and they see you as hot</p><p class="honey">but cause i've always been in love with you</p><p class="honey">they all decided not to ask you out and if you ever asked them out they'd say no</p><hr/><p>Looking back on when you asked out Roxy...<br/>She told you that she couldn't bring herself to date you for a really good reason...<br/>But you thought that was just because she wasn't over Dirk and didn't want you to play second banana to her feelings for him...</p><hr/><p class="honey">they all decided to never date you...</p><p class="honey">just to protect my feelings</p><p class="honey">which is total shit and i dont agree with that pact they made</p><p class="honey">you're not interested in men</p><p class="honey">i know i don't have a chance</p><p class="honey">and i'm fine with that</p><hr/><p>Poor Roxy has all the looks, all the brains and all the wit...<br/>And that still means nothing when it comes to getting the attention of the only man she ever loved.</p><hr/><p class="john">i... guess i can imagine being in love with someone that you think could never love you back would sting.</p><p class="john">if this whole thing isn't just a prank to cheer me up</p><p class="john">i want you to know that i still respect you completely</p><p class="john">i think you're a great friend! whoever you are!</p><p class="john">your messages really do mean alot to me</p><p class="john">but you know that i can't accept them as... you know...</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">real.</p><p class="honey">so...</p><p class="honey">wait.</p><p class="honey">what do you mean you can't "accept" them?</p><p class="john">ha!</p><p class="john">listen.</p><p class="john">you just told me that the girls all want me</p><p class="john">you know how ridiculous that sounds?</p><p class="honey">you know how kind you are?</p><p class="john">yeah but...</p><p class="john">i don't think that matters much</p><p class="honey">always meant the world to me, egbert.</p><p class="john">well i'm glad you feel that way...</p><p class="john">but... i'm just nice just to be nice!</p><p class="john">cause uh...</p><p class="john">i like doing stuff for my friends,</p><p class="john">for all you guys!</p><p class="john">makes me feel useful!</p><p class="john">i don't go out of my way to impress anyone though!</p><p class="honey">you do know what "being kind" means?</p><p class="honey">right?</p><p class="john">UGH! i do nice things WHEN i feel like it!</p><p class="john">and i'm just trying to be a decent friend!</p><p class="john">and i dont see any of the girls looking at me and my random kind deed of the day and saying to themselves...</p><p class="john">"i should totally buy a ticket and get in line for egbert once the guy standing a the front of the line finally moves."</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="honey">man.</p><p class="honey">listen...</p><p class="honey">i didn't know there was a line behind me</p><p class="honey">and honestly i feel guilty</p><p class="honey">i feel like i wasted your time</p><p class="honey">you could have dated roxy or any of the girls if i wasn't in your way</p><p class="honey">and now that my feelings are out</p><p class="honey">and you know them</p><p class="honey">i think that i can make the first step towards moving on</p><p class="honey">then once i date someone else or feel comfortable just... being me..</p><p class="honey">the girls will let you know that they're open to seeing you.</p><p class="honey">then you can cycle through girls just like how sollux speedruns dating.</p><p class="john">okay.</p><p class="john">but no.</p><p class="john">i don't think that what you're saying is at all in anyway true...</p><p class="john">but if it was...</p><p class="john">i don't want to just date just anyone</p><p class="john">i thought about what your messages meant to me</p><p class="john">and i want someone that i feel like i could live with</p><p class="john">someone that i feel like i could trust with absolutely anything</p><p class="john">and someone that is like...</p><p class="john">a best friend and a lover</p><p class="john">i don't want to date roxy or any of the girls now.</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">i want to get comfortable with being alone first.</p><p class="john">i always get so in my head about not being with anyone</p><p class="john">and seeing sollux speedrunning dating girls used to make me so jealous</p><p class="john">now i see it as sad...</p><p class="honey">what do you mean by that?</p><p class="john">sollux is always dating our friends because its something to do to pass the time</p><p class="john">not because he's looking for a partner or for love...</p><p class="john">he gets a new girlfriend and changes them out like he changes socks,</p><p class="john">i'm sure all of the girls see it as just fun and not anything serious.</p><p class="john">there's no commitment to dating sollux,</p><p class="john">so it's just something they do cause they feel comfortable.</p><p class="john">and its awesome that they feel so cozy with him,</p><p class="john">that they trust him that much...</p><p class="john">but none of them probably feel like sollux really wants them or to be with them</p><p class="john">so they break it off cause he seems bored or uninterested</p><p class="john">and i noticed *that* before...</p><p class="john">but i never saw it as sad till now.</p><p class="john">what you told me though...</p><p class="john">it sounds beautiful.</p><p class="john">if you really do love me.</p><p class="john">i'd love to hear a real confession.</p><p class="honey">do you really want a love confession from a man whose personality is the emotional equivalent of cardboard?</p><p class="john">hey...</p><p class="john">uh...</p><p class="john">earlier i was gonna guess that this was dave messaging me</p><p class="john">but now...</p><p class="john">i'm uh...</p><p class="john">sorry if this is someone else...</p><p class="honey">you think i could be sollux?</p><p class="john">if you are... i'm sorry all that.</p><p class="honey">if i was... then "i'd" be in love with you.</p><p class="honey">so that would explain why "i'd" never commit to any chick.</p><p class="john">that would explain a lot of things.</p><p class="honey">what? like the fact he never sticks with his girlfriends?</p><p class="honey">or like the fact he's always groping you?</p><p class="honey">i mean he's not even shy about it, last time all of us were together he was spanking you and trying to get all of us to grope you too... and it kinda... hurt me cause i know he does it to get me to feel you up...</p><p class="honey">but now, honestly i think he's just fucking with all of us, especially me.</p><p class="honey">sollux doesn't fucking care about dating or anything other than coding and streaming</p><p class="honey">but don't get me wrong</p><p class="honey">he's one of the fuckin' coolest people I know</p><p class="honey">second only to you, and i think he'd love second place.</p><p class="john">oh wow.</p><p class="john">this is like advanced guess who</p><p class="honey">huh?</p><p class="john">you sound like dave</p><p class="john">but also sollux...</p><p class="john">and then you also kind of give me this vibe...</p><p class="john">like you're karkat trying to pretend to sound like both...?</p><p class="john">this is really hard...</p><p class="honey">wait?</p><p class="honey">so all this shit about pranks and whatever?</p><p class="honey">and why you think this is funny?</p><p class="honey">do you think this is actually a game?</p><p class="honey">and you win if you figure out who i am?</p><p class="john">YES!</p><p class="john">Isn't that it?!</p><p class="john">right!?</p><p class="honey">john?</p><p class="honey">honestly?</p><p class="honey">like really?</p><p class="john">this is like a thing you're doing to help me out of my rut!</p><p class="john">you're gonna talk to me like you're "in love" with me!</p><p class="john">and like trying to get "over me!"</p><p class="john">and you're going to encourage me to be myself!</p><p class="john">then! when i'm content with myself and actually happy...</p><p class="john">then you're going to confess you're over me!</p><p class="john">and then you'll let me guess who you are!</p><p class="john">and we'll both grow as people and grow closer as friends!</p><p class="john">i mean!</p><p class="john">you already helped me get over my first lalonde rejection!</p><p class="john">round 2 is rose.</p><p class="honey">jesus.</p><p class="honey">egbert.</p><p class="honey">i dont do this over complicated prank bullshit that you do!</p><p class="john">that's why it's so special!</p><p class="john">i usually do this!</p><p class="john">but finally someone is doing this for me!</p><p class="john">this is what a good prank is all about!</p><p class="john">well... usually it's about getting a good laugh...</p><p class="john">and cleaning up the mess that the pies leave afterwards...</p><p class="john">but a good prank is about growing closer,</p><p class="john">and cleaning up the mess together!!!</p><p class="john">it's about friendship!</p><p class="john">and that's what i need!</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="honey">please.</p><p class="honey">you're making this hard on me.</p><p class="john">oh!</p><p class="john">right right right right right</p><p class="john">i'm so sorry!</p><p class="john">i know this is hard for you!</p><p class="john">but we'll always be best friends and if you love me then i'll be sure to help you through it!</p><p class="honey">yeahhhh...</p><p class="honey">i thought it was you talking about this being a prank that was hurting me</p><p class="honey">it was all the friendship talk...</p><p class="honey">i think i'm gonna bail.</p><p class="john">wait!</p><p class="john">okay!</p><p class="john">so next time... i'll take this seriously!</p><p class="john">i promise that i'll listen to what you have to say.</p><p class="honey">see you say that</p><p class="honey">you said you'll take this seriously</p><p class="honey">but you still think this is all just a joke.</p><p class="john">98% sure.</p><p class="honey">why?</p><p class="john">because...</p><p class="john">well...</p><p class="john">i'm me.</p><p class="honey">that hurts more than anything, john.</p><p class="honey">you don't see what i see.</p><p class="honey">i wish you could.</p><p class="honey">i'd give anything for you to love yourself the way i love you.</p><p class="honey">i want better for you.</p><p class="honey">i'll make sure that you have that.</p><p class="honey">even if you just laugh at me.</p><p class="honey">even if you think this is a joke.</p><p class="honey">even if for the rest of your life you think that this was just a prank or a scheme or an act to make you feel better about yourself</p><p class="honey">i'll always be rooting for you.</p><hr/><p>You can't bring yourself to send anymore messages. The person on the other end doesn't send any more either.</p><p>You just dwell on the messages he left you with for a moment... you do think it's an act. You're certain it's a scheme and a prank... that this person is just putting on this long con to make you feel better about yourself... </p><p>Still...</p><p>"You guys..." You address everyone in the room over the sounds of Paul Hollywood's voice, "maybe it's not a joke?"</p><p>"Huh?" Sollux looks up and over at you. "Oh, you're talking about those messages? No, man.... it totally is." </p><p>"But." You look down at your phone. "...this guy sounds like he really does care a lot about me..."</p><p>"WE ALL DO." Karkat spoke up.</p><p>You shot your head up to look at him.</p><p>"Yeah." Dave instantly agreed. You turned your head so you could look into his shades, you try to search for where you think his line of sight must be. You want to meet his eyes.</p><p>Sollux speaks up. "We all care about you, man."</p><p>You look over at Sollux, you were just completely dismissing his relationships like a huge jerk. Sollux maybe has a lot of self doubts too and he doesn't want the girls to get to close to him cause he doesn't like who he is... you're gonna make sure that everyone here is taken care of. You love the three of them so much! They are all so kind underneath all of the yelling and fighting and sarcasm. You know that these three would never do you wrong. And, they think pranks are mean... so maybe...</p><p>"In case it’s not a joke..." You look down at your phone again, "I’d rather let this guy down easy.”</p><p>“That’s nice of you.” Dave speaks up again.</p><p>You look up at him and Dave gives you a small smile. You smile back, your smile fades just as quickly as you put it on. You look back down at your phone and confess your most recent thought,</p><p>“I hope it is though... if it’s not a joke this dude probably thinks I’m some kind of twinkie.”</p><p>“You mean <em>twink?”</em> Dave sounded more concerned than confused, “do you honestly not know that word?”</p><p>“God. That’s probably why it’s so easy for this guy to joke about hanging on the words I say- I  just fucking said Twinkie on purpose.” you sigh, “I’ve got to work on being like- not... cutesie. This is a sign.”</p><p>“Well.” Dave chuckles to himself, “have fun with your secret admirer. Just don’t send him a dick pic.”</p><p>“Actually.” Sollux interrupts. “You should.”</p><p>"Oh!" You swat around at Sollux, "you shh! I'm not gonna do that so stop!"</p><p>You can feel the air in the room change and shift, suddenly everything feels silent despite the sounds of judges testing buns from Sollux's flatscreen... You look at everyone in the room, Dave looks stunned, his mouth is actually hanging open. Karkat looks even more fucked up over what you just did. Sollux starts laughing as he says, "I was wondering when you were finally gonna bring down the hammer."</p><p>You pout at him. You don't know what to think anymore... </p><p>This whole thing has you more upside-down and inside-out than ever.</p><p>You know what you have to do.</p><p>You're just going to ride this wave.</p><p>See where the surf takes you.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A GODDAMN DAY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Well. Your roommates are all acting like fucking idiots again.</p><p>Sollux won’t stop fucking flirting with everyone that passes by, Dave won’t own up to the fact he’s sending love confessions to John and Egberts laughing up a fucking storm at everything that hits him. You guess that Egbert usually laughs like a brain-dead idiot at everything, but it's even worse than usual. </p><p>Today in the morning, Egbert laughed so hard that he started crying because Sollux made a half-hearted attempt at another one of his<em> “I'm an idiot with two dicks”</em> jokes… It was something about how Sollux is gonna “load up that ass like a shotgun, two bullets in the barrel.” Doesn’t help that after John was done laughing like a fucking fuckwit, Captor smacked his ass and started him all over again.</p><p>Even though Captor is a fucking dimwit, you're glad that he agreed to drive you to see Tale of Two Drunk Lovers. You’re really hoping that it lives up to your expectations. You didn’t even watch the trailers cause you want to come in with fresh eyes. The title alone is enough of a spoiler for how the movie is going to play out, you know the two drunkards are going to end up together, but you don't want the <em>how </em>part to be spoiled. Sollux usually gives you shit about how every single one of these romcoms you drag him to are the exact same thing over and over again, he doesn't appreciate the art form. </p><p>During the ride over, Sollux was smart enough to just keep his eyes on the road and not bitch at you about the film you were about to<em> 'force'</em> him to see. Probably cause the two of you promised not to start shit with each other until this <em>DaveJohn</em> shit is figured out. It was quiet in the car. You’re liking the change of pace, Sollux can be a fucking dickhead, but the ride over was actually pleasant. Captor put on an album the two of you both like and you messaged Strider on your phone about how he could throw John off his scent. Dave kept talking about wanting to actually tell John about exactly how and when he fell in love, but Strider wants John to never know it was him who sent those messages. Can’t have it both ways.</p><p>Dave’s still so worried John’s going to realize that it’s him over the phone. John’s got shit for brains, Egbert’s the kindest person you’ve ever met in your life, but he’s a fucking spaz. No way in hell John’s going to catch on so long as Dave keeps trying to talk like he’s one of the guys from your online group and not living under the same roof as John. So long as he says <span class="dave">"whenever i look at your picture i get hard"</span> and not "whenever i see your face i get a semi" he's fucking fine.</p><p>In your honest opinion though, this is a great start to a real relationship between the two of them. Strider isn't the type to play his cards right though. Strider's style is more like falling flat on his face and getting glass in his eye. If the fucker would just let you coach him, Dave would be golden. You could be a fucking master at romance if you were given the chance. You'd fucking dominate it, you're sure. But for right now, you're stuck going to the movies with your piece of shit roommate who's always pretending like he wants to get a piece. If Captor pulls a move on you again, you're gonna dump your ginger ale in his lap and see if that cools him off. </p><p>The two of you are waiting in line for your tickets and cups and whatever the fuck.</p><p>"Yo, you want popcorn?" Sollux looked down at you, he's standing right by your side.</p><p>"NO FUCKING DUH I WANT POPCORN." You lift up both of your hands and gesture at where you are, "IT'S THE FUCKING MOVIE THEATER, ISN'T IT?"</p><p>"That it is." Sollux nods and then looks ahead. "And don't worry, I got it."</p><p>"GOT WHAT?" You're right about to ask if he has herpes or something but he answers,</p><p>"Let me pretend it's a date and I'll pay for everything." </p><p>You narrow your eyes and instantly let out a huff.</p><p>Sollux starts chuckling to himself.</p><p>You can't fucking stand this guy. </p><p>. . . </p><p>Ugh. You’re so fucking tired of this movie! Sollux always makes you watch this hobbit shit and The Empire Strikes Back about<em>twice</em> a month, each time and every time you watch them you learn to hate them twice as much. Every fucking Tuesday this theater plays throwback movies and piece of shit neckbeards and nerds come out just to quote the whole fucking movie in the theater. Oh wait. No. The whole fucking place is empty! It's just you and one other shitbag nerd. So of course, just because the place is empty, Sollux snuggles up to you through the entire film and flirts with you during the battle scenes. </p><p>You breathe a sigh of relief when the movie is finally over and sit up from your seat. Sollux is still sitting down like he actually wants to watch the credits, you glare at him. It might be too dark to see your stare, but he knows you’re giving him one.</p><p>"Can I talk to you about something, kk?" He sounds pretty upset over something.</p><p>"IS THIS ABOUT JOHN AND DAVE?" </p><p>He's slow to answer, "...yeah..."</p><p>You settle back into your seat.</p><p>"WHAT IS IT?"</p><p>"Dave told me he’s trying to fall out of love with John."</p><p>"HUH? LITTLE LATE FOR THAT NOW, DON'T YOU THINK?" You ask Captor with contempt tinting your already gruff voice.</p><p>"Yeah- but wait..." Sollux attempts to explain, "Dave said if he confessed and got everything off his chest, he’d be able to move on. So maybe it's a good idea..."</p><p>"SO. YOU THINK THIS IS STRIDER'S WAY OF MOVING ON BY CONFESSING-"</p><p>Sollux cuts you off to finish your thought for you. "-without ruining his relationship with John, yeah."</p><p>You gesture your frustrations with your hands. "WHY DO THE TWO OF YOU ALWAYS FEEL LIKE MAKING EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED?" You earnestly ask Captor. </p><p>You dwell on it for a moment and then bring up, "EGBERT TOO! ECTO IS ALWAYS TRYING TO FUCK US OVER WITH PRANKS AND STUPID JUVENILE SHIT LIKE THAT!"</p><p>"Ha." Captor let out a dry laugh. "That aside… I think it might be a good idea…"</p><p>"WHAT?" You stand back up again from your seat and look down at the 'dicks' for brains sitting right next to you.</p><p>"Dave seems a lot happier and-"</p><p>You cut him off this time, "<strong>NO ONE</strong> CAN BE IN LOVE FOR SO LONG AND FEEL HAPPY ABOUT GETTING OVER THEIR OBSESSION! DAVE'S COMPLETELY FAKING IT."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"BUT WHAT?" You keep staring down at him, "DID YOU TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS OVER IMS OR IN PERSON? DID HE REALLY <em>SOUND</em> LIKE HE'S BETTER OFF? LIKE HE'S HAPPY?"</p><p>Captor feel silent.</p><p>"YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT." You sit back down next to the dumb fuck who drove you here.</p><p>Captor takes a breath to speak again, you instantly groan before he even says, "I don’t know though..."</p><p>"LISTEN. CONFESSING AND THEN ADMITTING THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET OVER THE PERSON IS SOME GROWN UP SHIT TO DO, RIGHT?"</p><p>"Yeah...?" Captor doesn't sound like he knows where you're going with this.</p><p>"THINK STRIDER COULD DO ANYTHING A REAL ADULT WOULD?"</p><p>Instantly you get a quick, "Okay, I see your point."</p><p>"COME ON. GET UP." You sit up and demand Captor follows. "I WANT A REFILL." You grab both of your extra large soda cups.</p><p>"AND NACHOS." You say as you walk to the isle. "YOU'RE BUYING ME NACHOS JUST CAUSE YOU QUOTED THE ENTIRE MOVIE AGAIN."</p><p>"Ha." Captor sits up and follows you to the stairs, "now this really is starting to feel like a date."</p><p>You turn your head and scowl at him.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You’re practically on the edge of your seat, both of these drunkards are so made for each other.</p><p>Sollux just yawned, how can he be fucking bored enough to yawn!?! These two are so fucked up, it’s totally his speed. Plus, half of this movie is just gags anyway he should love it! Nevermind, you get it. Captor only laughs at dick jokes and shit like that, so when the two drunk idiots actually talk about romance and being together, he loses interest. This man has no culture. You should have come to the movies with John, he’d at least pretend to enjoy it. -Suddenly, you feel an arm wrap around you...</p><p>You look up at Sollux. Then you glare at him, he’s not even looking at you. Sollux slowly turns his head to look down at you. He quietly whispers, “what you want a refill, baby?”</p><p>“WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?” You continue to glare up at him as you try to whisper back.</p><p>Captor’s doing it again, “if I have to watch a chick flick, you could at least be my date and act all sweet for me, baby."</p><p>“FUCK OFF.” You shove him off of you.</p><p>“Hey, I got you nachos and candy!” Sollux quietly argues with you, he's chuckling like this is all fucking funny.</p><p>“CHOCOLATE WE BROUGHT FROM HOME- I’M NOT PLAYING THESE GAMES, CAPTOR.”</p><p>“Fine.” Sollux sighs, “can we at least… hold hands?”</p><p>. . .</p><p>You smacked him good for the way he was fucking with you again. And then you slapped him across the face when he started rubbing up your thigh. He needs to learn a lesson about personal space. You should have swatted him away when he put his hand on your knee, you blame the movie for distracting you. But still, every fucking time you want to do something with him, Captor gives you a fucking problem, and you don’t need this shit right now. You’ve got to focus on helping Dave and John, you don’t have time for Captor’s shit.</p><p>Once you got home from the movies, Captor and you walked up stairs together, you can already smell John’s cooking so you rush with Sollux at your side. </p><p>“Hello, boys!” John’s calling out to you. “How was the movie?”</p><p>Sollux laughed to himself, “our date sucked, kk wouldn’t even let me give him a handjob.” </p><p>“WHY THE FUCK-?” You instantly give up. You know how to win this. “-FINE.”</p><p>You both finished walking up the stairs and see Dave helping John in the kitchen.</p><p>You close your eyes and mutter out, “WHY NOT NEXT TIME YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING MAKE A REAL MOVE TO DO IT? HUH?!”</p><p>“Whoa." Strider seems kinda stunned by your offer to Captor. "Uh…”</p><p>You shut your eyes as you sighed out, “STRIDER. YOU THINK HE’S HONESTLY GOING TO DO IT?” </p><p>“Uhhh... never say die, man.” Dave muttered under his breath, “I think he’d beat <em>me</em> at gay chicken.”</p><p>You glare at Strider, fucking dipshit. Of course Sollux would! Dave’s always been acting like he’s saving himself for Egbert. Course Egbert’s blind to all of it. Fucker could get any girl he wants and Dave’s been unintentionally cock blocking him for fucking years now. Poor fucking soul, the both of them are poor souls actually. You're determined to end this, for both their sakes.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You’re all sitting down on the couch again, apparently Terezi wants to hold off from streaming for a while so all of you are set back, seeing that she’s your defense lawyer you can't do shit till she gives you the green light. John wanted to watch more of his British baking shit, he’s already seen the entire show twice. How much more can one man binge the same shit? Well, judging Captor's objection with his shit films, years apparently. </p><p>All three of the rest of you are on your phones again, John finally looks down at his phone. You open your mouth to speak, you’re silently praying that John’s going to let you change it to something you actually want to watch once you ask. Then you hear Egbert’s phone ding.</p><p>You don’t bother looking up, at least, you weren’t planning on it until Egbert fucking shreaked.</p><p>“Eeeee!” John was pointing hysterically at his phone. “It’s my boyfriend!”</p><p>John’s getting a kick out of this, he’s acting like this is all just some big game to him.</p><p>You watch as he hums to himself while he mindlessly types away at his phone. Looks like he's starting to come around to Dave. He's honestly smiling and cheering at the things Dave's messaging him...</p><p>Maybe... maybe you can push Dave in the right direction...</p><p>. . . </p><p>John just went over to the bathroom to shit. Good thing too. You're getting sick of hearing him giggle at everything Dave sends him.</p><p>"Hey." The braindead genius next to you just demanded Dave's attention, you look up at Captor like he's talking to you anyway.</p><p>"I just made a chat for the three of us."</p><p>You look down at your phone again. Yep. Looks like Sollux made a group chat for all your roommates minus one moron. </p><hr/><p class="karkat">WHAT DID YOU JUST TELL HIM?</p><p class="karkat">HE WAS GIGGLING LIKE A SOLLUX IN A DILDO FACTORY.</p><p class="dave">i just told him about how when i look at a picture of his face it makes me fucking weak</p><p class="dave">like bambi learning how to walk in the woods kinda shit</p><p class="dave">then he told me it sounds like im trying to throw him off by bringing up that it was "a picture" that made me weak</p><p class="dave">now it looks like he wants to figure out who i am</p><p class="sollux">hahahahah oh damn</p><p class="karkat">YOU'RE FUCKED.</p><p class="dave">yep</p><hr/><p>At least he admits it.</p><hr/><p class="dave">he pointed out that i always text him when all four of us are together on the couch</p><p class="karkat">YOU'RE FUCKED AND YOU KEEP FUCKING YOURSELF OVER.</p><p class="karkat">JESUS, DAVE. YOU FUCKING DICKPUSS FOR BRAINS!</p><p class="karkat">DO YOU THINK WITH YOUR MIND OR YOUR MICRO PENIS?</p><p class="karkat">STOP MESSAGING HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING A SEMI!</p><p class="dave">hey</p><p class="dave">this isnt 100 percent about that</p><p class="dave">for right now im trying to throw him off of my scent</p><p class="dave">just like you said to do man</p><p class="dave">but ive been messaging john all day </p><p class="dave">i dont know why shit like that stands out to him</p><p class="dave">im just gonna try to message him again in the morning and hope that covers my ass</p><p class="sollux">and you think it'll cover your ass cause... you never get up in the morning?</p><p class="dave">bingo</p><p class="karkat">YEAH. BUT SHIT LIKE THAT ISN'T ENOUGH.</p><p class="dave">still</p><p class="dave">itll help</p><p class="sollux">sure it will, until he starts asking around </p><p class="sollux">and realizing that none of the guys in the chat know him as well as the three of us do...</p><p class="dave">they know him well enough</p><p class="sollux">well...</p><p class="sollux">tbh, dave.</p><p class="sollux">if johns thinking outside of the box, and the box is our town house...</p><p class="sollux">john's first thought is gonna be "strider"</p><p class="sollux">but the hot one. not you.</p><p class="dave">oh fuck me</p><p class="dave">and fuck you</p><p class="sollux">ha yeah...</p><p class="sollux">well john's gonna think that's why dirk never sent him a request for dick pics...</p><p class="sollux">that or he's gonna piece together that <em>you</em> sent that shit to him, cause your bro would never fuck around with a guy that his baby bro wants to ride.</p><p class="dave">fuck off</p><p class="karkat">YOU KNOW HE'S RIGHT, DAVE.</p><p class="dave">shit</p><hr/><p>And Daves gotta know that he's fucked cause <em>you</em> just agreed with Captor.</p><hr/><p class="karkat">DAVE.</p><p class="karkat">THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO.</p><p class="dave">no</p><p class="karkat">I THINK YOU SHOULD AT LEAST PUT IN SOME EFFORT.</p><p class="karkat">JOHN LOOKED HAPPY WHEN YOU MESSAGED HIM</p><p class="dave">no</p><p class="karkat">AND I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD KEEP MESSAGING HIM LITTLE STUPID LOVE CONFESSIONS TILL YOU BREAK HIM DOWN AND HE GIVES YOU A SHOT.</p><p class="dave">no thanks</p><p class="karkat">YOU SHOULD TRY TO CONVINCE JOHN WHY HE SHOULD DATE YOU. TELL JOHN THAT YOU ALWAYS SAW HIM LIKE A BEST FRIEND, AND AS A THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.</p><p class="karkat">JUST BE HONEST AND JOHN WILL SEE YOUR FEELINGS AND MIGHT EVENTUALLY RETURN THEM.</p><p class="dave">listen man</p><p class="dave">john thinks this is all just a joke</p><p class="karkat">HE THINKS THAT NOW.</p><p class="karkat">BUT YOU COULD CHANGE HIS MIND. </p><p class="karkat">YOU COULD TELL JOHN ALL THE WAYS YOU LOVE HIM, AND SHOW HIM HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE ABOUT IT.</p><p class="karkat">I’M SURE YOU COULD AT LEAST SWAY HIM INTO GIVING YOU A CHANCE.</p><p class="sollux">Dude? Are you talking like this just cause you saw some romcom?</p><p class="karkat">SHUT UP, CAPTOR.</p><p class="karkat">DAVE. I HONESTLY THINK EGBERT LOVES YOUR MESSAGES. </p><p class="karkat">THEY MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD, YOU KNOW, ABOUT HIMSELF.</p><p class="dave">i know</p><p class="dave">thats part of the only reason for why im still doing this</p><p class="sollux">and the other reason is so you can get over him?</p><p class="dave">yep</p><p class="karkat">WHY NOT AT LEAST TRY TO GET JOHN TO SEE YOU'RE SERIOUS?</p><p class="dave">i did</p><p class="dave">it failed</p><p class="sollux">why not try to get john in bed?</p><p class="dave">i fucking swear</p><p class="karkat">NOW'S NOT THE TIME, CAPTOR!</p><p class="karkat">ANYWAY DAVE, I'M SAYING YOU SHOULD TRY TO GET JOHN IN A REAL ONLINE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND SHOW JOHN JUST HOW GOOD IT CAN BE TO BE WITH A GUY WHO LOVES HIM.</p><p class="karkat">THEN WHEN HE REALLY LIKES YOU REVEAL IT WAS YOU AND ACTUALLY DATE.</p><p class="karkat">OH WAIT… YOU DON’T WANT TO “RUIN WHAT YOU HAVE BETWEEN YOU?” </p><p class="karkat">WHAT? DO YOU MEAN FART JOKES AND MAKING HIM WASH YOUR SMELLY SMEGMA STAINED SWEAT PANTS?</p><p class="karkat">SHIT, STRIDER.</p><p class="karkat">JOHN’S ALREADY WORRIED ABOUT YOU!</p><p class="karkat">YOU'RE ALREADY RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP.</p><p class="karkat">EVERY NIGHT YOU FUCKING STAND ON THE BALCONY AND JUST STARE AT NOTHING.</p><p class="karkat">I BET HE THINKS YOU’RE GOING TO TRY TO JUMP.</p><p class="dave">the fall from the second floor wouldn’t kill me</p><p class="sollux">see. talking like that worries all of us.</p><p class="dave">the point i'm making is that you don't have to worry about me</p><p class="sollux">Whoooaaa</p><p class="sollux">Dude???</p><p class="dave">what is it now?</p><p class="sollux">uhhh let me think</p><p class="sollux">when have you ever in your life used an apostrophe?</p><p class="dave">sometimes...</p><p class="karkat">DID YOU JUST USE PUNCTUATION?</p><p class="sollux">that's an ellipsis, bruh</p><p class="dave">that has a name?</p><p class="karkat">NEVERMIND THAT! WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?</p><p class="dave">uh</p><p class="dave">i started doing that for when i message john</p><p class="dave">to throw him off</p><p class="sollux">i bet he still figures that it's you though</p><p class="dave">nah</p><p class="dave">today he thinks im karkat</p><p class="sollux">WHAT? WHY?</p><p class="dave">cause i said a bunch of romantic crap</p><p class="dave">he got all giddy about it</p><p class="karkat">HE GOT "GIDDY" ABOUT IT?</p><p class="dave">yeah</p><p class="karkat">YOU MEAN THAT'S WHY HE WAS GIGGLING LIKE THAT?</p><p class="dave">yeah?</p><p class="sollux">dude, what you say?</p><p class="dave">nothing</p><p class="dave">just</p><p class="dave">some shit about how i feel</p><p class="dave">and i made it sound like one of karkats shitty ass movies to throw him off my scent</p><p class="karkat">YOU MADE HIM THINK IT WAS ME?</p><p class="dave">next time ill make him think im captor</p><p class="dave">its not a big deal</p><p class="sollux">ask for a dick pic its what i would do</p><p class="dave">im not doing that shit</p><p class="dave">im just gonna keep sending him messages till i get everything out of my system</p><p class="dave">just</p><p class="dave">i hope next time i dont make him cry</p><hr/><p>"WHAT?" You ask out loud. You lower your volume and ask Dave to clarify. "HE'S IN THERE CRYING?"</p><p>"I think so." Dave whispered back at you.</p><p>"OKAY." You gave Dave a look as you stretched out your hand. "NOW YOU HAVE TO SHOW US." </p><p>"KEEP YOUR!" Strider matched your volume and then mumbled under his breath, "-keep your fucking voice down!"</p><p>"WELL SHOW IT TO US." You try to be more quiet, emphasis on try. "YOU MADE EGBERT CRY, I WANT TO KNOW WHY."</p><p>"No!" Dave mumbles back at you.</p><p>"LISTEN." You lower your voice only a slight amount. "IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT, STRIDER, YOU BETTER SHOW US-"</p><p>"I said shut up, fucker." Dave did not just use that fucking tone with you.</p><p>"YOU LIMPWRISTED WANNABE COCK SUCKER, YOU DO NOT FUCKING CALL ME A FUCKER." You stood up and rushed over to the couch he was sitting on. You grabbed his wrist and started trying to pull that fucking phone out of his hands. </p><p>"Get off of me!" Dave started shoving you.</p><p>"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING PHONE!" You're not fucking playing these games, not with anyone. "LET ME SEE THOSE MESSAGES, DIPSHIT."</p><p>"No! What is wrong with you!?" Dave tried to shove you off of him using his knee, oh this fucker is trying you right now.</p><p>"LET ME SEE!" You are going to look at those messages whether he likes it or not.</p><p>"Uh..." You hear a voice coming from right behind the couch. You turned around and see Egbert walking up to you both. Looking at his eyes now, they do look a bit puffy.</p><p>"What... is...?" Egbert can't even think of the right question to ask. "Uh..."</p><p>You look down at Strider, he's still got his knee on your chest but he's basically rubbing his ankle against your...</p><p>You instantly back off. You look back at Egbert in horror. John looks over at Captor, like he wants an answer from a first hand witness.</p><p>Sollux casually replies to John's confused look, "I sent Dave a pic of my two dicks just to prove I have em." Captor fucking chuckled to himself. "<em>annnd... </em>it looks like Vantas really wants a peak."</p><p>You belt out, "WHAT?!"</p><p>John starts hacking, he's laughing so hard at that fucking comment.</p><p>You want to say anything against this, John must know it's a fucking joke. Still you were busting your ass to grab Dave's phone. It must look like </p><p>Captor could have made up any lie to backup Strider, but no. He just wanted to make another dick joke and throw you under the bus. </p><p>After a few good moments of John cry-laughing at Captor, John rubbed the tears out of his eyes and asked Dave,</p><p>"What was it really?"</p><p>"Terezi just send me something about the roleplay I was in and-</p><p>John lifted up his hand to stop Dave from talking, "-already lost interest."</p><p>John settled back down into a seat, only this time he took yours. </p><p>John sat snuggly next to Captor and covered himself up in a blanket. </p><p>You rolled your eyes at the sight of Sollux wrapping his arm around John.</p><p>You're fucking tired as all hell of these stupid fucking jokes of his... </p><p>You look over at Strider. He's doing his best to cover it up, but you can tell by how he's clenching his jaw that he's pissed.</p><p>At least Strider's fucking sick of Captor's shit too.</p><p>If you should prank anyone it should be him...</p><p>Actually... that gives you an idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Laying down the law</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You don’t have to work till tomorrow so you're free to spend the day with your roomies! Aaaaand all three of your silly roommates are bickering again downstairs. You decided to prep something small for dessert for the three of them to share. It’s just chocolate pudding, nothing too special, but the three of them always share anything you make like it is. You're happy they like your food as much as you enjoy making it! It makes your heart feel all warm and your chest all fuzzy.</p><p>You happily hum to yourself as you prep some sandwiches too, just a little something small for lunch for the four of you. You sigh once a certain thought creeps into your head. You always liked cooking, crafting plates helps take your mind off what’s troubling you. Lately you’ve been thinking about this guy who’s been sending you messages, you were so sure that it was a prank at first… but now you feel so bad for laughing and saying all that stuff. You still think it’s just a joke! Only… something about the words this guy says feels so sincere, and whoever your secret admire is must mean every bit of what he says... maybe even the part where he’s in love with you and has been for a long time…</p><p>You guess you are kinda sweet. All of your friends keep telling you how helpful you are and how kind you can be. It’s nice to feel appreciated and it feels even nicer to feel useful. Still… it’s hard to believe anyone would fall head over heels in love with <em>you </em>just because you’re nice. As time goes on you keep thinking back to the way this anonymous prankster seems more like a real secret admirer… it feels more and more real by the second. You’re sure that’s just part of the scheme, to make you think it’s real that another guy likes you and you don’t have any interest cause it’s another <em>guy. </em>Part of the prank is just to make you feel good about yourself and gain enough confidence to ask out a girl more in your league than Roxy La-stinking-londe. You don’t know what you were thinking asking her out! Roxy’s so pretty and kind, too pretty and kind! She laughs at all your bad jokes… so you thought she liked you, but Roxy probably laughs at everything everyone says just to make them feel good.</p><p>Who were you trying to fool... Roxy is so above you in leagues, you're 2000 leagues under the sea and she’s up in the clouds, floating up there with guys as hot and nice as she is. Guys like your favorite roommate, with abs and cinnamon colored eyes. Unreachable. </p><p>You sigh and continue your work on your roomie's sandwich, you might have to go break out your gloves cause you’ve got some nice devil's tongue peppers to cut up, just for your favorite guy.</p><p>. . .</p><p>When you’re finished prepping everything, just the way the boys like them, you grab Sollux and Karkat’s plate to bring it down to them. You hum to yourself as you walk downstairs, you’re about half-way down when you realize that you forgot to take off your apron. Oh well, you’re happy to wear it. It was an April Fool’s Day gift from Roxy, everyone always gets you such nice gifts on your favorite holiday as a nice thank you for how you’ve helped them in the past. Sollux always makes the little joke that it’s your friend group’s version of Mother’s Day and it damn well might be. You happily step off of the last step in the staircase and just another three steps brings you past the front door and into Sollux’s home sweet home.</p><p>You look around as you announce you’re “coming in!” Op. No sign of Karkat but you still have his plate! You have to go upstairs later to hand Dave his plate anyway, no harm done. Sollux is playing his funny little game that he once told you is like “if poker and chess fucked and whatever the fuck came out was on acid.” You don’t even try to understand what that game is about, Sollux seems like he’s focused on it right now though. At least until, Sollux pulls himself away from his screen for a sec to kiss your cheek as a thank you.</p><p>Sollux softly asks you, “baby, can you take this drink out? It’s just ice.”</p><p>“No problem, my little smartie!” You kiss him back and giggle, playing along with the little game of ‘bad boyfriend’ Sollux loves to spring on all his roomies. Once your lips leave Sollux’s cheek, you can hear a few comments leak out of his headset. Someone whistled, someone clapped, you got a mix set of applause and groans, “can you stop with this shit, man?” “look at that apron...” “You cheating on your girlfriend?”</p><p>Sollux answers the last question with a laugh, “you kidding? Left my girlfriend for this piece of ass.”</p><p>Sollux smacks your booty and smirks. You rub your tushie and give him a tiny look for being a <em>bad boyfriend</em> to you. Captor addressed you as he holds your bottom, “turn around, baby. Show ‘em.” He let go of you, expecting that you play along and turn to the camera to show off your tush, but you’re tagging yourself out now. You gave him a little pout as you gently held up Karkat’s plate, just to show what you were really turning around for. You left the room and walked towards the staircase. Sollux laughed with his buddy’s as they watched you go, who are probably not the ones you know. Sollux has such a vibrant online social life. You don’t know how he maintains so many relationships! You’re too busy sleeping or watching tv to even try to cast such a social net.</p><p>You keep on walking forward and up the steps with your little apron on and your specially made sandwich. You’re just about halfway up the steps when all of a sudden, you hear the doorbell ring.</p><p>You quickly bring yourself to the threshold of the front door before Sollux even tries to get up.</p><p>You peak your head out and say, “hello?”</p><p>No one’s outside. “Strange.”</p><p>Suddenly you smell something …burning? Someone set a bag on fire at your porch! Oh, there really is a prank war going on! You knew it! Everyone is just playing pranks on you to cheer you up!</p><p>Your eyes light up as you gasp.</p><p>“WAIT!” Karkat rushes over to the front and makes a pose like he wants to stop you. “YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO OPEN THE DOOR!”</p><p>“Ohhh! this isn’t for me.” You take Sollux’s glass and dump out the melted ice over the bag.</p><p><em>‘Good.’</em> You think to yourself. <em>'I was hoping for more.'</em></p><p>Karkat slumps over as he groans, “HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET BACK AT SOLLUX IF YOU AND STRIDER KEEP GETTING IN MY WAY!?”</p><p>You hold up Karkat’s sandwich and gesture towards him with the plate as you ask, “get back at him for what?”</p><p>Karkat wipes his nose with the back of his hand and grunts, “FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE THAT’S WHAT!”</p><p>You would put your hand on your hip if you weren’t holding <em>his</em> stuff, “Karkat! We don’t Vengeance Prank in my house… with something as weak as this! Put in a little effort!”</p><p>Karkat paused for a moment before asking “…WHAT?”</p><p>You ignore his question and ask him, “you said Dave got in your way, right? What was your other idea?”</p><p>“I WAS GONNA SET SOLLUX’S SHEETS ON FIRE BUT STRIDER STOPPED ME, SAID IT WAS TAKING SHIT TOO FAR, WELL CAPTOR’S GOT TO LEARN NOT TO HIT ON ALL OF US ALL THE FUCKING TIME! -YOU KNOW HE ASKED STRIDER IF HE’S TIGHT JUST A SECOND AGO? CAPTOR IS WAY TOO FUCKING COMFORTABLE PRETENDING THAT HE'S HORNY WITH US!”</p><p>You tilt your head and ask, “is that what you three were arguing about earlier?”</p><p>“OKAY.” Karkat starts up like he’s about to tell you a long story. “I GAVE UP ON SETTING SOLLUX'S SHEETS ON FIRE AND DAVE SUGGESTED THAT I JUST PUT SOME OF HIS OWN PEPPERS INTO SOLLUX’S FOOD BUT YOU ALWAYS MAKE SHIT FOR HIM SO I KNEW I COULDN’T GET PAST YOU. AND LOOK. I’M SORRY I JUST LOST MY SHIT AGAIN AND STARTED AN ARGUMENT WITH CAPTOR. I JUST GOT SO PISSED WITH HIM AFTER HE MADE SOME JOKE ABOUT FINGERING DAVE JUST TO SEE HOW- YOU KNOW…”</p><p>You shake your head like you don’t know.</p><p>“HOW… TIGHT... HE REALLY IS.”</p><p>You nod as you hold onto Karkat’s sammy, <em>“oooo.”</em></p><p>“ANYWAY.” Karkat sighed as he confessed, “I KNOW THAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOME STUFF AND YOU DON’T NEED ANY EXTRA STRESS. CAPTOR AND I ARE TRYING NOT TO GET INTO IT… BUT IT JUST IRKS ME, YOU KNOW? STRIDER DOESN'T NEED SOME GUY FEELING UP HIS ASS AND LAUGHING ABOUT IT JUST CAUSE HE’S STRAIGHT, HE KNOWS DAVE <strong>ISN’T.</strong> SOLLUX IS JUST BEING A DICK AND TEASING ALL OF US FOR NO REAL REASON AND I KNOW DAVE DIDN’T LIKE THE SHIT HE WAS PULLING WITH HIM, AND STRIDERS TOO SHY TO SAY IT’S NOT FUNNY.”</p><p>“Hmm…” You dwell on it. You think that Sollux is just having some fun and he doesn’t know where the line is cause you’ve all never drawn it before. Although, if he’s messing around with your bestie and Dave doesn’t wanna play his game, you’re gonna be the one to spank Sollux’s booty!</p><p>You nod and hold up Karkat’s sandwich for him to take. “We really should draw a line for him to follow…”</p><p>“SO…” Karkat lightly grabs onto your plate and looks up at you with those sweet black eyes. “YOU’LL HELP ME?”</p><p>“Sure thing.” You point up your finger as Karkat takes the plate from your hands. “<strong>If.</strong> <em>You’re </em>really ready for this.”</p><p>“I’M FUCKING GAME.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>You, Karkat and yourdadscock are sitting down in the living room. You let Karkat put on one of his silly romcoms. It’s horrible but you and Dave are on your phones anyway.</p><p>You yawn as you press your back up against Dave’s shoulder. You type away at your phone, you’re messaging Jake, poor English’s going through a hard time with his boyfriend. That Strider sounds like a real piece of work, you’re lucky you’ve got the chaotic neutral one and not the neutral evil one at your side.</p><p>You adjust your blankie on your legs and snuggle your head up to Dave’s chest. He doesn’t mind, he’s used to how cuddly you are. But if he has a problem with it, you want him to feel comfortable enough to say so! You’re gonna help bully Sollux around until he gets the picture that messing around with Dave is a big no-no.</p><p>You hear some footsteps coming up the stairs. Oh boy!</p><p>Karkat thought it would be funny to make some fakey-fake e-mail about how Sollux got permabanned but he’s a big smartie, Sollux’d see right through it in a second. You know the right way to send a message is by correcting misbehavior.</p><p>Sollux takes his usual spot next to Karkat and right away he wraps his arms around him.</p><p>Karkat gives you an angry look as he pulls Sollux’s arm closer around him.</p><p>“Oh, you actually gonna be sweet tonight, baby?”</p><p>Karkat glared at you.</p><p>Sollux places a kiss on Karkat’s head.</p><p>Instead of screech at Sollux like usual, Karkat rests his head against the man-of-the-hour's chest.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Not much else happened on the couch, but Sollux is at his worst when he’s excited about dinner. He spanked your ass while you were cooking and you laughed in response. You gave Sollux a little kiss and paid him a wink for how big his grin was.</p><p>But right after he smacked you, Sollux decided to kiss Dave’s neck while Dave was grabbing something from the top shelf for you. Dave didn’t do anything but stand there and look pretty. But you got right to work chewing Captor out. “Hey!” You point at Sollux, “don’t just smack my tushie and jump right into the next cutie here!”</p><p>You grab Captor’s attention, “sorry, baby.” Sollux shrugged. “I didn’t know you’d get jealous.”</p><p>You think his voice just sounded a little shaky, like he’s upset he got called out. Sollux gave up right after that and went to go sit outside. You happily hum to yourself as you finish up working on what’s on the stove top. Karkat just walked up behind you. He must have seen all of that. Vantas whispers to you, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS <strong>THAT?”</strong></p><p>You whisper back, low enough that hopefully Dave can’t hear. “We’ve got to teach Sollux that messing with Dave is bad. This is how we do it during our prank!”</p><p>Karkat grunted from under his breath, “MESSING WITH<em> ALL</em> OF US IS BAD!” Karkat makes a few hand gestures as you calmly focus on fixing up your food. You just mix up all the rice in the pan with your trusty spatula.</p><p>You tell Karkat softly, “he got nervous, that’s a good sign. It’s already working. So, don’t get mad.”</p><p>Karkat continues whispering loudly to you, “HE WAS NERVOUS BECAUSE <em>HE THINKS </em>THAT <em>YOU THINK</em> THAT <em>HE’S </em>THE ONE SENDING YOU PRIVATE LITTLE ‘I LOVE YOU’S.”</p><p>You drop your spatula into the rice and blankly stare ahead. “Oh. I forgot about that.”</p><p>“HOW COULD YOU FORGET <strong>THAT?”</strong> Karkat raises his voice a bit.</p><p>“I-” You set the record straight, “that doesn’t have anything to do with this. Let’s just focus on our little prank, 'kay?”</p><p>Karkat groaned and then sighed out, “FINE.”</p><p>You turned your head to smile at him as he wiped the back of his nose again with his sleeve.</p><p>You noticed that Dave was staring at you. You looked up and away from Karkat just to return your best friend's gaze. Dave got a bit nervous, he is a shy one after all, and he returned back to gathering the big plates for you. <em>‘Such a sweetie.’ </em>Yeah, you're not gonna let Sollux mess around with your baby anymore.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You’re sitting down across from Karkat and Sollux, like you do every night, and it’s like watching someone walk into a lion’s den. Sollux is about to be eaten alive and you can’t wait to see it!</p><p>Sollux must be rubbing his hand up-and-down Karkat’s thigh right about now. You told Karkat not to do anything about it and just let the good times roll. As for Dave though, if Sollux tries to hit on him you’re gonna chew 'em out!</p><p>You happily ask the table as you started to dig into your rice and beans, “sooo… how was your daaay?”</p><p>“Cool.” Dave was eating a saucy chimichanga with his bare hands. <em>‘Such a silly boy.’</em></p><p>“FINE.” Karkat just answered your question.</p><p>Sollux jokes to the little angry guy sitting right next to him, “like your ass, baby?” </p><p>“REALLY?” Karkat didn’t sound upset or frustrated, just like he was… flattered. He's following your directions perfectly! </p><p><em>“Haha. Yeah…?”  </em>Sollux did not sound like he was expecting that kind of response.</p><p>“THEN WHY NOT SKIP DINNER TONIGHT?” Karkat gave him eyes like you’ve never seen from him before. "HOW BOUT IT? WANNA GET SOME?"</p><p>You even feel shocked, but looking at Sollux right now he looks like he’s just been shot.</p><p>Karkat asks like it's a genuine question, “YOU WANNA GO INSIDE? FINALLY BREAK MY ASS IN?”</p><p>“Uh…” Sollux let out a nervous laugh. "You okay if I uh... double dip?" All of a sudden, the gay chicken master doesn’t think the game is so easy.</p><p>"OKAY." Kakat nodded. “YOU KEEP OFFERING AND YOU'RE SENSE OF HUMOR HAS FINALLY WORE ME DOWN.” Karkat lifted up his hands and shut his eyes like he’s come to the right conclusion, only instead of chocolate or vanilla he’s going with a double popsicle.</p><p>Karkat opens up his eyes again and leans in as he smiles smugly, yet softly at Sollux.</p><p>“YOU WANNA DO THIS ON MY BED OR YOUR MATTRESS?” </p><p>“Hey!” You call out to Karkat.</p><p>Sollux looks over at you like you’re his savior. But there are no saviors here. No saints. No heroes. Nothing but vengeance.  You stand up and point at Karkat who's sitting right across from you,</p><p>“That’s <em>my</em> boyfriend!”</p><p>“w-what?” Sollux stares at you like you’re insane.</p><p>“IGNORE HIM.” Karkat takes Sollux’s chin in his palm and guides Captor to look at him.</p><p>“I KNOW YOU ONLY HIT ON JOHN AND STRIDER JUST TO COVER UP HOW MUCH YOU WANT ME…”</p><p>Sollux’s eyes are widened, “Kk, man. The fuck are you-”</p><p>“SHUT UP, CAPTOR. MAN UP AND ACTUALLY FUCKING KISS ME. NOT MY NECK. ME.”</p><p>Karkat pulled closer, close enough to press his lips against Sollux, but before their lips could meet...</p><p>Sollux gets right the fuck up from out of his chair and stumbles to his feet.</p><p>Captor points down at Karkat and yells, “Stop fucking with me like that!”</p><p>“HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL ASSHOLE?”</p><p>Karkat completely broke character and just yelled back at him.</p><p>There's a brief pause until Dave starts chuckling and then you lose it completely.</p><p>“Oh… oh.. come on! It’s not that funny!” Sollux starts groaning and bitching at all three of you.</p><p>You lose your shit and start holding your stomach.</p><p>“I never do <em>this </em>shit to any of you! I don’t try to like actually seduce you!” Captor pointed his finger around like he’s sure.</p><p>You point up at Sollux and laugh as you firmly tell him, “what!? Didn’t you say some bad stuff to Dave today! I heard it was really naughty! You need to cool down!”</p><p>“I-” Sollux paused for a moment. “Shit.”</p><p>Captor knows that if you say it.</p><p>It’s law.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ill shit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re just chilling with John on the couch again, he worked this morning and now he’s sore from being on his feet all day. When he got home, you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you just got up a little before John finished walking up the stairs. You can't tell John that you didn't get any sleep last night and that you stayed up 'till you passed out at your desk. If you tell him that, it'll only worry him.</p><p>John seems secure and comfortable laying in between your legs and on your chest while you scroll through your phone. His breathing is so soft and steady, it's the most calming thing in the world. You gently stroke his back, just as soft and steady as his breaths. John suddenly snuggles his head up to your chest. You softly smile and hum to yourself. Looks like he’s out like a light. John's just tossing in his sleep again, he does that when he's tired from a long day of work.</p><p>You messaged John earlier in the morning when you were still up, must have been like 8. You told John that whenever you wake up, you think of him. You also told John that you had such a hard night, and you wanted him to know that he was the thing that got you through it. In all honesty though, you had a harder time battling your insomnia than you led on. You were so tired that you almost have a panic attack. You also choose to leave out that you spent the night staring at your favorite photo of him. You have the picture always at the ready on your phone and your laptop for whenever you need it. It's just... whenever you look at that photo, it helps you get through when the nights are the hardest. </p><p>You don't want to weird John out so you can't tell him the whole truth, hearing all of <em>that</em> from a random guy online might only serve to stress him out, not encourage John to accept that he is literally the most selfless person that exists on this blue Earth. Okay that last part might be a stretch, but you're not willing to admit that you're wrong.  </p><p>You ended up telling John something simple instead, you said that you tend to get in your own head and thoughts of John tend to pull you out of it. </p><p>It's not the complete truth. But it will do.</p><p>When you can't sleep. When you think about how hopeless you are as a person, how little you can give as a friend, how insignificant your life is... You just remember that you're John Egbert's best friend. A guy so sweet and kind that all of your friend's decided to basically celebrate his birthday twice a year, April first and April thirteenth. Your two favorite dates. Those are the one's that always bring John the most laughs and smiles...</p><p>You always can pull yourself together when you look at John's smile. In the photo you're so fond of... you're the one who gifted him that grin. You look at the picture just focus on how happy he looks, like that is enough to get you through not just another hard night... but your whole life.</p><p>You confessed something along those lines to John as his anonymous lover, minus a few things. At least, you think you did. You were so tired. You bet the messages sound stupid and you made yourself out to be a braindead, lovestruck fool. Yeah... you definitely did... and are.</p><p>Still, you should read them back anyway… just to be sure.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">hey.</p><p class="honey">i don't wanna bug you if you're still in bed.</p><p class="honey">and i really don't wanna wake you if you have your notifs on but...</p><p class="honey">i want you to wake up to these messages</p><p class="honey">i want the first thing you see in the morning to remind you how much you mean to me.</p><p class="honey">all of us actually but...</p><p class="honey">i had a hard night</p><p class="honey">and you helped me work through it.</p><p class="honey">i guess it sounds a little weird if i put it like that...</p><p class="honey">i meant you helped me get through it </p><p class="honey">and not something that sounds like a weirdass pick up line.</p><p class="honey">okay</p><p class="honey">so</p><p class="honey">i got all stuck in my head about shit...</p><p class="honey">shit that i'm sure you'd probably say isn't true and i "shouldn't be so hard on myself"</p><p class="honey">but i guess... you're hard on yourself too sometimes...</p><p class="honey">so i thought you could use this message.</p><p class="honey">like as motivation to view yourself in a better light</p><p class="honey">i thought about how much i pretty much hate myself and who i am</p><p class="honey">and then i thought about you...</p><p class="honey">and how you were always a good friend to me cause you like me...</p><p class="honey">and that i love you.</p><p class="honey">and i know you care for me so...</p><p class="honey">just the thought of being your friend and making you laugh and smile...</p><p class="honey">it made me feel better. it gives me worth.</p><p class="honey">like you pulled me out of my own head and back on my feet.</p><p class="john">yeah?</p><p class="honey">oh.</p><p class="honey">hey...</p><p class="honey">you're up.</p><p class="john">ha</p><p class="john">yeah.</p><p class="john">i'm about to get up and make breakfast before i gotta head out for work</p><p class="john">then i got your messages...</p><p class="john">and now i'm like...</p><p class="john">ha.</p><p class="john">i don't know, super flattered that you'd even say that about me.</p><p class="john">i know you really do probably wanna make me laugh and smile.</p><p class="john">i'm interested in hearing the rest.</p>
<hr/><p>You recall pausing for a moment. You were just stunned he answered. You guess you must have taken to long to respond cause the next message reads,</p>
<hr/><p class="john">don't stop now!</p><p class="john">just say what you wanted to say, sweetie.</p><p class="honey">oh... sorry.</p><p class="john">you're good.</p><p class="honey">okay</p><p class="honey">so...</p><p class="honey">i guess that when i get in my head about shit,</p><p class="honey">i just think about your smile...</p><p class="john">yeah?</p><p class="honey">and i think about how one day, a long while ago actually, i spent the day with you... with you and you alone</p><p class="honey">and i made you laugh and i guess it was the way you looked at me that</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">ha...</p>
<hr/><p>That day, John was so happy that you spent the day with him, he was smiling and laughing at everything you said... and it was just the two of you alone, and he just seemed so happy to be with you...</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">the way you looked at me pushed all the fucking air out of my lungs</p><p class="honey">it was like you just punched me in the gut...</p><p class="honey">it completely stunned me.</p><p class="honey">like no joke when you smile at something i said</p><p class="honey">it leaves me breathless.</p><p class="john">really?</p><p class="honey">yeah... but that's not what makes that day special.</p><p class="honey">i know you do things like this a lot to like... everyone...</p><p class="honey">but... it was the first time you ever kissed me on the cheek.</p><p class="honey">and i came so close to grabbing your face and kissing you deeply...</p><p class="honey">and it broke my heart for about a week...</p><p class="honey">cause as much as i love you... you'll never have the chance to even consider loving me back.</p><p class="john">oh...</p><p class="honey">yeah</p><p class="john">and you said all this to... cheer me up?</p><p class="honey">yeah?</p><p class="john">it's just...</p><p class="john">that's all really.... really... sad, sweetheart.</p><p class="honey">...</p>
<hr/><p>You guess you are a bummer to talk to.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">yeah...</p><p class="john">i don't like the thought of... "tormenting" you.</p><p class="honey">nah.</p><p class="honey">being in love with you is like the highlight of... my life actually.</p><p class="honey">you're so compassionate and caring...</p><p class="honey">it always makes me happy to hear from you</p><p class="honey">and when i hear your voice, you know... uh...</p><p class="honey">well, sometimes you give me this feeling when you like laugh at someone's joke in our group chat</p><p class="honey">sometimes you start laughing so hard you actually start crying and it almost sounds like your mic is cutting out but it's just that you're struggling to breathe in air.</p><p class="honey">i love hearing you so happy... it just...</p><p class="honey">it's like... i don't know... i never did drugs.</p><p class="honey">if i did i'd have a reference, but i do know that hearing you laugh</p><p class="honey">that's some good shit.</p><p class="john">so...</p><p class="john">what i'm getting here is that</p><p class="john">my happiness is your happiness?</p><p class="honey">always was.</p><p class="honey">probably always will be...</p>
<hr/><p>Damn. Was that cheesy? That sounds cheesy. You need to stop messaging him when you're mentally and physically exhausted.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">so anyway, that's what gets me through the night when the days are the hardest.</p><p class="honey">uh... how's work?</p><p class="john">ha!</p><p class="john">wow</p><p class="john">i can honestly believe that you're nuts about making me laugh now! you know just what to say to make me smile too!</p><p class="honey">i didn't even mean to. I guess i can't stop trying to get at least a chuckle out of you</p><p class="john">well. sounds like you aren't karkat.</p><p class="john">check that name off my list.</p><p class="honey">how can you be so sure i'm not?</p><p class="john">hmmm...</p><p class="john">i guess i do like his grumpy-butt routine... and it is funny...</p><p class="john">but you don't sound like you have a grumpy hiney.</p><p class="john">maybe... it's because you're trying to throw me off???!</p><p class="honey">sure.</p><p class="john">ha!!!</p><p class="john">every time i think i get closer you just throw me more and more in a different direction!</p><p class="john">maybe i should just keep quiet about who i think you are for now!</p><p class="honey">i'm still gonna try to throw you off</p><p class="john">AH!</p><p class="john">this is so much fun!!!</p><p class="honey">didn't you just say that my feelings were sad?</p><p class="john">well, some of what you said is sad...</p><p class="john">actually</p><p class="john">every conversation we have is like sad... but fun!</p><p class="john">i love talking to you</p><p class="honey">good. i'm glad.</p><p class="honey">just...</p><p class="honey">tell me when i go too far... k?</p><p class="honey">cause i don't wanna make you sad before you have to go to work.</p><p class="john">i don't think you will, honey.</p><p class="john">i've got a thick skin.</p><p class="honey">i know.</p>
<hr/><p>You always thought that nothing could get to John. He always seemed so unbreakable to you. Anyone could insult him and he'd just laugh and ask for them to bully him harder, like John loved the challenge. Like it was funny to him. But... you guess that he still gets hurt from time to time... you had to ask him about something...</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">but... then why did you cry the other day?</p><p class="john">oh. ha.</p><p class="john">i guess i cried cause...</p><p class="john">welp. i don't think of myself that way!</p><p class="john">and by that way, positively at like... all</p><p class="john">you said i'm the kindest man you've ever met...</p><p class="john">but i'm just trying to be like...</p><p class="john">the guy my dad raised me to be.</p><p class="john">and then when i started thinking about that, it made me miss home.</p><p class="john">so i broke away from my roommates to have a good cry.</p><p class="honey">so? you're home sick?</p><p class="john">yeah. i miss my dad.</p><p class="john">i want to see him again...</p><p class="john">i haven't seen my dad in person in so long...</p><p class="john">i guess that's part of being an adult, but i can't stand being away from him for so long</p><p class="john">but my roommates depend on me, so i can't go anywhere.</p><p class="john">and i have my job...</p><p class="john">and if i left to see my dad for a week... i'd just miss being close to all my friends.</p><p class="honey">they'd miss you too... i'm sure of it.</p><p class="john">i bet you would, whoever you are</p><p class="honey">duh.</p><p class="john">:D</p><p class="honey">but... i mean, if i was able too... i'd love to go on a road trip with you back to your dads to keep you company.</p><p class="john">more like a plane flight</p><p class="honey">oh fuck that. planes suck and you know it.</p><p class="john">ha! yeah... i guess they always have like peanuts and i can't eat em.</p><p class="john">that and taking off of the ground freaks me out.</p><p class="honey">yeah. fuckin same, man</p><p class="john">hmmmm, might wanna change the subject before i point out how much you sound like a certain special someone...</p>
<hr/><p>God. you sound to much like yourself.</p>
<hr/><p class="honey">hey, uh... do you ever like... video chat with your dad? that's like a happy compromise, right?</p><p class="john">my dad can't use facetime right though!</p><p class="john">he always just puts the phone like... sideways!</p><p class="john">or turns off the sound and then yells at me how to fix the fact he can't hear me!</p><p class="honey">jesus, is your dad 80?</p><p class="john">ha! might as well be.</p><p class="john">you'd think that he'd know how to video chat seeing that he owns a business...</p><p class="john">oh! did you know that my dad is a head chef of his own restaurant?</p><p class="honey">i know like... everything about you, man. our friend group is small...</p><p class="john">oh!? really!?</p><p class="honey">yeah</p><p class="john">you know all the john egbert fun facts?</p><p class="honey">i know all the trivia, i could compete in like a game show about you, man.</p><p class="john">okay then, suprise me.</p><p class="honey">you still eat gushers and you're damn proud of it.</p><p class="john">yeah??? not a big secret...?</p><p class="honey">but for some reason you think that fruit roll-ups suck and they are like the made out of same fucking thing</p><p class="john">they are like paper thin and you peel it off of plastic! it's disgusting!</p><p class="john">like ripping off a scab</p><p class="honey">ew</p><p class="john">RIGHT?!</p><p class="honey">well my point is, i know THAT and also that you can make anyone think anything that you think.</p><p class="honey">you make others see the world through your lens,</p><p class="honey">and everyone just always agrees with you over anything.</p><p class="john">well. cause i'm always right.</p><p class="honey">and you're not humble.</p><p class="john">hey. you fell for me so...</p><p class="honey">yep.</p><p class="john">best mistake you've ever made i'm sure.</p>
<hr/><p>You smile down at your phone. John isn't humble, that's for sure, but he's also cute. Just cause of that, John can get away with anything.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">so... i bet you know a lot of things about me, whatever right! big deal...</p><p class="john">buuuut.... have you tried my cooking!?!?!</p><p class="honey">...</p><p class="john">i won't know who you are from a yes or a no, i cook a lot!</p><p class="honey">i know</p><p class="honey">...yes</p><p class="john">:D</p><p class="john">YAY!</p><p class="john">so you know how good i am!?</p><p class="honey">...yes</p><p class="john">awwwwww!</p><p class="john">you sound all blushy!</p><p class="john">is it cause you get all gushy over me cooking for you?!</p><p class="honey">..............yes</p><p class="john">awawwwhahahah!</p><p class="john">that so cute!!!</p><p class="john">i love that!!!!</p><p class="honey">of course you do...</p><p class="john">did i make you a dessert too?</p><p class="john">:O</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="john">this isn't a "let me deduce who you are question" it's a "let me see how much this guy likes me" kinda question</p><p class="honey">yes. i love your cooking. and yes! i still randomly in the night get cravings for a chocolate cake you made forever ago</p><p class="john">oh! next time all our friends get together ill make one and bring it to share, sugar!</p><p class="john">does that sound like a good thank you gift?</p><p class="honey">why are "you" thanking "me" for this?</p><p class="john">cause you're a huge pick me up!</p><p class="john">i love that you care so much about me to message me about it!</p><p class="honey">even if you think it's a prank?</p><p class="john">eh... does it matter if it is or if it isn't?</p><p class="honey">guess not.</p><p class="john">cool!</p><p class="john">now tell me more about me!</p><p class="honey">you're chill</p><p class="john">yeah?</p><p class="honey">uh- cool...</p><p class="john">yeah!?</p><p class="honey">super fucking hot.</p><p class="john">!!!!</p><p class="john">oooo!</p><p class="john">hahaha!</p><p class="john">spicy!!!</p><p class="john">am i just your type?</p>
<hr/><p>Looks like John got a kick out of that thought. Enough to ask you,</p>
<hr/><p class="john">you like tiny scrawny nerds with glasses?</p><p class="honey">honestly... no</p><p class="john">huh?</p>
<hr/><p>In all honesty, you always thought that you were going to date a dude who was built and you'd end up being the smart one in your relationship cause the guy would have like three brain cells. He'd pick you up with one arm and show you off like you were a trophy he won and make you feel like a hot piece of ass everyday. John would still be happy for you, but he'd probably yell at the guy for not romancing you... ha... and you'd probably still be in love with John even then. Yeah... even in your dreams you aren't over him. </p>
<hr/><p class="honey">to be real, i always thought i'd be able to like... get over you</p><p class="honey">i'd probably end up with someone like... dumber than me and i'd end up being the hot one...</p><p class="honey">i like the idea of being the smart one and the hot one tbh...</p><p class="honey">but being in love with you is so much different than that pipe dream.</p><p class="honey">you're smarter and hotter than i am... so yeah.</p><p class="honey">there's that.</p><p class="john">i DOUBT i'm hotter</p><p class="honey">you don't even know who i am or what i look like</p><p class="john">uhhhh?!?!</p><p class="john">do you know what I look like?</p><p class="honey">in a word,</p><p class="honey">cute.</p><p class="john">cute?</p><p class="john">ha.</p><p class="honey">sexy is another word for it.</p><p class="john">really.</p><p class="john">me.</p><p class="john">sexy?</p><p class="honey">you're fuckin hot, man.</p><p class="john">you honestly. honestly. are trying to make me believe that anyone could see me as hot?</p><p class="honey">hold on</p><p class="honey">let me prove it</p>
<hr/><p>You don't know what possessed you to do it, but you sent him the exact photo you're so fond of looking at. You guess that to sleep deprived you that seemed like a smart move, like John would get what you're trying to say if you just showed him what you see... but he sees his face everytime he looks in a mirror. John can't see himself through your eyes.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">huh.</p><p class="john">that's not what i was expecting...</p><p class="john">i don't really look "cute" in that picture.</p><p class="john">and when i think "hot..."</p><p class="john">i don't think "constipated."</p><p class="john">scratch that!</p><p class="john">i look like i'm laughing cause i'm trying to cover up i shit my pants</p><p class="john">and i'm blaming the smell on you or something.</p><p class="honey">this is like... the photo i use to get through thinking about the worst moments of my life.</p><p class="john">ha. maybe i can give you a better picture. one where i don't look like the definition of dork!</p><p class="honey">and i love your smile in this photo...</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="john">yep. i believe that. just like how i believe that buckteeth and untammy hair are sexy!</p><p class="honey">hmmm... fuck yeah they are...</p><p class="john">:DDD</p><p class="john">HA HAAAAA!!!!</p><p class="john">YOU ACTUALLY JACK OFF TO THIS??!?!!!?</p><p class="honey">...</p><p class="john">i look like i'm a nerd excited for a magic tournament!</p><p class="john">No wait! I look like the kind of nerd that gets bullied by magic nerds cause I play yugioh!</p><p class="john">you honestly like this picture!?!?!</p>
<hr/><p>You remember looking at that pic you sent Ecto and thinking that John had the most cheerful smile in the world. In the picture, John looks like he was being washed over with a wave of happiness.</p><p>You took that photo years ago when the two of you went together, alone, to grab hotdogs by the pier in Washington. That was right before you moved to the East Coast to live near all your other best friends... Back then, it was still only you and him... That day felt so much like a date too... he probably doesn't even remember it and well... it looks like he doesn't.</p><p>You both went on to talk about how neither of you could sleep well last night, you lied and pretended like you even went to bed, John seemed to catch on to you being up. He said something about how his favorite roommate's knocking against the wall with his fist. You wanted to stop right then and there but he'd figure out you were you if you did. But you still feel like shit for it. You'll make sure never to do that again seeing that it bugged him so much... poor guy. You still feel like such a fucking D-bag. You hope letting John use you like a mattress makes up for it.</p><p>John's still sleeping on your chest. Your back is pressed up against the arm rest, John wanted to sleep in between your legs cause he's fond of cuddling with anyone who will let him. John actually asked you if it was alright today for some reason. You think it's because Sollux is so touchy and feeling... and grabby, sometimes pokey. You don't usually mind it, but the other day he went so fucking far with everything he was saying and doing... and it only ended cause Karkat laid down the law. Hm. Now that you think of it, John didn't even come downstairs when he heard them yelling. Ecto must have thought that Sollux deserved to get yelled at or something, he even teamed up with Karkat to prank his ass.</p><p>Yeah... Sollux seems horned up to you. He needs to get laid. Captor's the kind of guy who's always seeing some chick, and for the first time in a long time; he's single, ladies. </p><p>John tosses a little bit on your chest again. He's so cute when he's dreaming. His mouth is hanging open and he's drooling on your chest now. He lets out a small snore. He must be tired. He only snores when he's tired. You hear footsteps coming from upstairs, someone's stomping down the steps. If Karkat wakes up John with this shit- John lets out a sigh and hums.</p><p>That's it.</p><p>
  <em>'He's Dead.'</em>
</p><p>John lifts up his head from your chest and rubs his eye. Egbert starts fumbling around for his glasses when all of a sudden you both hear a loud cough. John rushes to place his square glasses on his face and stands up on his feet. Karkat is hacking up a storm as he comes down the steps. Once Vantas comes around the corner you see him sniffling and wiping the snot with the back of his wrist. John rushes over with a blanket from the couch.</p><p><em>"Oh nooooo!"</em> John sounds so hurt at the sight of Karkat looking sick as a pup with allergies in a meadow, <em>"Kaaarkaaat!? How'd you get sick?!"</em></p><p>"I DON'T-" suddenly Karkat starts hacking. His lungs must be hurting him right about now and speaking with his gruff voice must be murdering him. Karkat finishes coughing and then tries to get out "KN-KNOW."</p><p>"Aw... you were sniffling all day yesterday." John says as he sets Karkat down in his usual seat and forces him to lay down. "I'm so sorry you don't feel good." John tsks. Egbert gently sets a pillow under Karkat's head and piles on some soft blankets on top of Vantas.</p><p>Once John is content with how comfortable Karkat looks he quietly tells Vantas, "I'll make you some soup soon, I'll have the boys go out and buy me what I need."  </p><p>John places a kiss on top of Karkat's head. Karkat groans and swats at him. You roll your eyes and sigh. You were hoping John could have the rest of the day off. Nope. He's always got to bust his ass for everyone else. Looks like Ecto wants everyone upstairs right now, John's walking over the the staircase that leads down to the first floor and yells, "Sollux! Get up here!"</p><p>Sollux is taking his sweet time coming up, in the meantime though, John steps over to the kitchen to grab Karkat some ice water. John hurries over to hand the cool glass to Karkat. John sweetly stares at Vantas like he's literally a sick puppy. Egbert gently placed his hand over his heart, you think he didn't even realized that he did it. John just looks so relieved to see that Karkat gulped down the entire thing without him asking. John took the glass and set it down on the table for Vantas. John sadly broke away from staring at Karkat just to grab... Egbert's<em> weapon of choice.</em> Looks like John's gonna threaten Sollux good today. He's got the fucking magazine.</p><p>Sollux finally started walking up the stairs. You and John both decide to walk over and meet him at the top.</p><p>Sollux groans with his nasally voice, <em>"what is it?"</em></p><p>John places both of his hands on his hips as he looks down at Sollux, "Karkat's sick!"</p><p>"Well." Sollux shrugs and takes John's tone as an accusation. "I didn't do it."</p><p>"I know you didn't!" John started rolling up his magazine.</p><p>Sollux finished walking up the steps but you bet he wishes that he didn't. Sollux takes a step back right when he sees John lift up the magazine like Egbert was about to strike him.</p><p>"No being mean to Karkat today or I'll kill you both!" John points at both of you with the magazine. You both lifted up your hands and back off. You get it. No games. </p><p>"I wasn't going to." Sollux mutters as he takes another step down the staircase. If he keeps walking backwards like that you're sure he's gonna trip and if he does, the fall's going to hurt him... probably less than John's scorn though, so that might be a win. Sollux defends himself from John's rage, "honestly, I wasn't planning on being a dick to him if he's sick!"</p><p>"Yeah, I bet you weren't!" John put down the magazine like he decided to put away a Fucking Gun. He shook you both up well enough that John doesn't need to break that thing out anymore. You both know better than to test John. "You both are gonna go down to the store and pick up a list of stuff I'm gonna text you! And I'm gonna do the hard job of sitting through a rom-com from the 90s and acting like I like it!" </p><p>You smile at him and nod your head. "We'll be back before the shopping montage starts."</p><p>"God willing." John shakes his head and lightly let out a small sigh. He closed his eyes and you let yourself melt. Your knees buckle and you start to sink to the ground. Sollux finishes coming upstairs just to punch your arm and snap you out of it. John looks back up at the two of you, you pay John a smile then grab your helmet. It's about time you took your bike on another ride, it shouldn't be sitting around this long, it's not good for the engine.</p><p>Sollux smiled and grabbed your extra helmet from the small closet next to the staircase. "I'll pay. Just let me grab my phone."</p><p>"Don't you mean your wallet?" John raised a brow at Sollux.</p><p>"Apple pay's a thing, man." You tell Ecto yourself.</p><p>"Oh. I don't understand the kids these days." John mutters as he turns around and walks into the living room.</p><p>You smile as you watch him sink into hell.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You have to save John from a fate of watching whatever shit love story is trending on Netflix or Hulu. John deserves better than to put up with this shit, you know he just wants to watch Paul Hollywood jack off and some good old fashioned Whose Line clips. You rushed over to the store on your bike and parked. Sollux was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and abstain from making any jokes about you taking him for a ride or any other shit that he was thinking of when Sollux pulled off his helmet. Sollux is still wearing your backpack. It's only got a first aid kit and his phone in there but right after you both got off your bike, Sollux felt the need to bitch about it.</p><p>"What?" You ask him as you got your helmet off of your head, "does it make you feel like even more of a nerd with that thing on."</p><p>"I can't work it like you can." </p><p>You get the feeling Sollux isn't joking. You can make anything look good.</p><p>You dug your shades out of your leather jacket. Even though you can work any look, you still stick to the style you developed back in junior high. These shades were a gift from Egbert himself, no way you're going a day without being seen in them by everyone you come across.</p><p>You and Sollux both carried your helmets up to Publix and put them down in your cart. You're both walking around the front, Sollux drags out his phone so you can start on the list John just sent you. Shit. John's basically asking you to finish shopping for the rest of the week. You're not sure that you can cram all that into your backpack, but if it's for John you're gonna make it fit. </p><p>"Dude." Sollux looks down at his phone as he tells you, "we should have taken his car."</p><p>"Nah," you shake your head. "It'll all fit in my bag. I'm not worried."</p><p>Sollux squints at the text on his phone. "Wait... why do we need a tub of chocolate ice cream if Karkat is sick?" Sollux sounds like he's already tired just from the idea of shopping for you're favorite asshole, "I'm so fucking done with this."</p><p>You smiled at him. "Let's just grab what we need and go home."</p><p>. . .</p><p>"Dude, you think I should grab redbull?" You're already pushing the cart down the isle but, still... you're on the fence.</p><p>"Why the fuck are you asking me?" Sollux cocked his head at you like he's ready for a fight.</p><p>"Hey..." You slowly walk towards him and softly lower your brows, "you doing okay, man?"</p><p>"Oh..." Sollux sighs and turns away from you just to look down at the floor. "Sorry, dude..."</p><p>You automatically tell him, "It's cool if you're having a hard time, you know I don't hold that shit against you."</p><p>"Well-" Sollux sounds like he was just about to start up again, then he huffs out his breath. "I've been tense lately..."</p><p>"Yeah. I kinda noticed." You rub the back of your neck as you look off to the side.</p><p>"And I'm sorry about... you know..." Sollux wipes the corner of his face with the back of his hand. He's looking towards you, but not at you.</p><p>Sollux started his thought over again, "Sorry about acting weird lately. Like- weirder than usual. I've just been stressed cause I can't get any sleep."</p><p>"Same." You nod.</p><p>"Ha... just uh... Dave?" Sollux sounds like he's asking for your permission to say something fucked.</p><p>"Yeah, man?" </p><p>"I'm honestly sorry if I grossed you out or made you feel uncomfortable... I just wanted to tell you that. Just say the word and I won't get offended if you say no or push me away. I only get intense when I'm... you know..."</p><p>You nod slightly, you get what he's saying. You know there's more he's leading up to.</p><p>"I took shit too far." Sollux breathes out the words like he's confessing it to himself and not to you.</p><p>The other day you headed downstairs just to tell them that you finished editing down all their streams into something good enough to post on YouTube. Course when you said, <em>"I'm finished."</em> Sollux turned around in his seat and sat up from his chair just to tell you, <em>"not yet you aren't." </em></p><p>
  <em>"THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, CAPTOR?"  Karkat sounds beyond pissed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm gonna pay back Dave for all his hard work, come here." Sollux finished walking up to you and started sucking on your neck. "Bet you're tight." Sollux kissed you again and breathed onto your neck, "how tight are you though, baby? I wanna feel, get a good look at how tight your virgin hole actually is... mind if I stick a few fingers in, just to test you out...?" Sollux whispered onto your neck. "Shit. Egbert doesn't know what he's missing. Bet if he got a taste, he'd never let you stop riding him."  That was the last straw for you. You don't like when he drags John into these things. You can take a joke but you never joke around about John like that. Everyone knows that John could demand anything from you... and you'd instantly give it to him. It's not a thought you're fond of. Course you don't have the guts to end any of Sollux's jokes, you always just play along and nod like nothing can get to you, right. Cause nothing can. You don't feel anything. Even so... When Sollux started grabbing your ass, Vantas got angry on your behalf. Karkat got fed up enough to scream and crawl out of his chair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"STOP FUCKING MOLESTING, STRIDER. HE DOESN'T WANT YOUR THIMBLE SIZED COCK AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR <strong>YOU</strong> TALK ABOUT EGBERT RIDING HIM!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay, that last part I don't get." Sollux pulls himself away from you to ask Karkat, "who wouldn't want to think about Egbert using up their ass like his own personal-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karkat stood up. Right there. And slapped him across the face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sollux didn't do anything other than say, "thanks, kk."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Looks like Karkat drew a line for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still... you don't care for how he did it.</em>
</p><p>Sollux is still standing in the middle of the isle. He's looking down at the floor, like he's ashamed.</p><p>"Dude, you took a joke to far and honestly, Karkat shouldn't have slapped you the other day. I mean, wha-"</p><p>"No. I needed that." Sollux looks back up at you. "I needed some perspective."</p><p>"And a slap. Was perspective?" You try to hide your annoyance with those words.</p><p>"I never want to make you feel uncomfortable just because I'm fucked up over my own thoughts," Sollux tries to explain, "once Karkat slapped me it cooled me down. I needed something to set me in line."</p><p>"Yeah. A slap shouldn't be that." You look at him, lowering your head in hopes he sees your eyes  from under your shades.</p><p>"Well. It helped." Sollux shrugged and he starts walking ahead again. </p><p>"Don't start thinking that way." You shake your head at Captor's words as you push the cart ahead to catch up to him. "Doesn't do you any good."</p><p>"You sound like you know that from experience." Sollux turned his head to look at you as you walk by his side.</p><p>"Drop it. This isn't about me." You look ahead. </p><p>Sollux sighed. "Fine."</p><p>"You're too much like Egbert. Everyone else's problems matter, not your own." Sollux sounds annoyed, he starts talking like he's listing the ways you're so alike. "If I told Egbert that that slap set me straight, he'd get so pissed he'd start smacking me with the magazine... You know how when John hits you, it doesn't even hurt that bad, it just like stings for a sec. It's more like a love tap." Sollux keeps on staring at you. "But it hurts cause he's the one smacking you..."</p><p>Sollux looks straight ahead. "I get why you love him. I can see why. Everyone can see it actually... I'd say Egbert's lucky to have someone so deeply in love with him... but that's not luck. It's just, you know, like a natural response."</p><p>Sollux turns his head to look at you for a moment. He dropped whatever it was he was going to say.</p><p>Sollux takes a deep breath through his nose and huffs it out. "I'm such an asshole half the time. John doesn't need this shit. And... I'm such a dick that I just want him to stay away from me sometimes... I want all of you to leave me alone. Not talk to me. Not look at me. Vantas just loves to start shit though, loves to give me the fight I'm always looking for. I should apologize to him too." Sollux finally paused for a moment.</p><p>"Right." You nod. You didn't even realize that the two of you stopped walking.</p><p>"If he didn't slap me... I would have started shouting and shit... I'm always so frustrated with... everything." Sollux breaks the silence and starts walking forward again, "I just want someone to I don't know... scream <em>with."</em></p><p>"Well. Vantas's only language is shouting."</p><p>"Right?" Sollux nods as he lets out a small chuckle. "I guess that's why I'm glad he slapped me... that was like... a wake up call or a snooze button... I think Vantas knows that I just wanted to start shit cause I was high on my frustration again and Karkat knew better than to give me the fight I was looking for... and then I kept being such an ass anyway that Ecto fucking called me out on it the other night."</p><p>Sollux takes a deep breath out of his nose before he says, "I just didn't expect that Karkat would ever play along like John does, and then when Karkat turned the joke on me I was all freaked out, it wasn't like sexual at all, it was romantic and fuckin' weird... but I guess that was like... Vantas's way of setting me straight again. I don't know how John and that fucker always know what to say to get me to shut the fuck up... but they totally do."</p><p>Sollux sighs. "Sorry If I'm like... <em>ill </em>all the time."</p><p>"Hey. I'm ill too." You sigh. "And even still, Karkat acts like he's way more fucked up than either of us."</p><p>"HA!" Sollux almost squawked at that. "Yeah. Well... he's sick-sick so I can't even count on a good fight right now. Damn." Sollux sucks on the roof of his mouth. "Sucks in a million ways. I won't be able to makeout with his asshole now."</p><p>"Ha!" That got a laugh out of you. You know Captor only said that shit to make you laugh. "Sorry, you've gotta just rub one out instead, bro."</p><p>"Hopefully," Sollux nods. "Now I can."</p><p>"Huh? What do you mean by <em>now?"  </em>You prod him.</p><p>"Karkat won’t get out of my office at night and I get so- nevermind. No! Not nevermind, I listened to you talk about cumming on a photo of John's face once!" Sollux points at you as you let out a light chuckle. "I get pent up and I need some stress relief, you all -mostly Vantas- are always messaging me or hanging around the office, and Vantas is always eating into my cool down time-"</p><p>you cut him off, "-is that what the kids call it nowadays?"</p><p>"Shut up, Strider." Sollux goes right back into talking, "I need to beat my meat. I have to get out some of my crazy somehow and I can't do that with Vantas breathing down my neck!"</p><p>"Is that way you're always breathing down his?" You honestly ask. "He's probably just looking for a fight too..."</p><p>"Well." Sollux tries to explain, "I don't always do it<em> just</em> to start shit."</p><p>"Huh? What?" You just got whiplash from that. "Didn't you just say you're looking for a fight and that's why you started sucking on my neck like a vampire about to relapse off their virgin blood detox?"</p><p>"I don't know!? I just do stupid shit- sometimes!" Sollux groans. "You know, even when I'm not... <em>frustrated..." </em>He says that word like it's code, you know what he means... Sollux continues, "Half the time I kid around with you guys like that it's a joke, but now... it's becoming more like a habit."</p><p>"A habit?" You ask him quickly. Sollux is confusing you.</p><p>Sollux ignores the question, "it's just too much fun messing with Egbert, he gets such a big kick out of it and I didn't think you minded. So I just keep doing it cause it's fun. Then I get a bit... nuts... and it snowballs into something more intense. But I just do it cause when I feel up any of you guys, Karkat gets so fucking agro, it's funny to me and I love hearing John laugh like that. I guess though sometimes I can't see when I take it to far cause... I'm always agroed to." Sollux rubs his cheek like he was just hit. "So that's why I'm glad he smacked me."</p><p>You weren't talking about the slap but okay, "I still think it's a step too far."</p><p>"Dude. I was breathing down <em>your </em>neck. And <em>you</em> didn't like it." Sollux nods like he's content with his words, "I deserved it."</p><p>. . .</p><p>So you got everything John asked for right here on the belt as you wait in line. Milk, ice cream, cheese, bread, roasted chicken, roasted red peppers for you, chicken broth, an assortment of vegetables, fruits and some cold medicine. There's a couple extra things but you're sure the chips and protein drinks will fit. And you had to pick up some redbull. You wonder if they're gonna care if you rip the four cans out of the box and just slip it into your backpack. </p><p>Sollux keeps saying how tired he is and asking you about your backpack. You're more worried about Sollux right now than if the food will fit. Captor's not making complete sense to you at the moment. He's going through some shit again you think, you won't hold it against him cause you know how apologetic he is underneath his rants and ramblings. </p><p>When you get to the cashier you ask him directly to put everything into your backpack and just cram it in as best as he can but that damn chicken does you in. You can't fucking fit your cool ranch doritos or bread or John's earl gray tea. </p><p>"Shit." You mutter under your breath.</p><p>"It's fine." Sollux let out a small sigh. "You already got all the shit that needs to stay cool. I'll carry home the rest."</p><p>You turned to him and try to hide your relief at his offer, "...really?"</p><p>"It's just down the road and it's not dark yet out. I've got you." Sollux patted your back.</p><p>"It's more like a favor to John really." You say as Sollux lifts up your helmet.</p><p>"Yeah"- Sollux quickly adds, "-and I'm not about to ask for him to drive over and pick me up."</p><p>Sollux shows your bike helmet to the guy behind the counter and asks, "you got any huge ass bags for this shit?"</p><p>. . .</p><p>"You're home!" John perked up and ran down the steps to you. You didn't even take off your helmet before John was down on the first floor. Whenever he runs to you, you have to struggle to not just collapse then and there. You buckle your knees for a second and then straighten yourself back up. </p><p>You started slipping off your kicks as John took your helmet from you.</p><p>"Where's Sollux?" John sweetly asks.</p><p>"Too much stuff." You confess. "He's carrying an extra bag and my other helmet home. He should be back in like ten."</p><p>"Aw... Maybe I'll drive and pick him up." John offered. </p><p>"Nah, man." You shake your head. "If we wanted that we'd just call you in the first place. You just chill for a sec and I'll get everything out of my bag for you. Kay?"</p><p>"Alright." John tilts his head to the side and sighs. </p><p>John closes his eyes and shakes his head, "what would I do without you boys?"</p><p>. . .</p><p>You feel like you're walking on air. John just set you off again. You're dizzily dragging everything out of your backpack. You're slowly setting everything down on the kitchen counter for John to make soup with, you expect that all of it is gonna be for Vantas, but you still hope you get a chance to watch John cook. He always looks the happiest when he's stirring something in a pot or a pan. John's first love is cooking and you're first love is his happiness.</p><p>You let out a small sigh as you hold onto a small jar of diced jalapeños.</p><p>You didn't even realize how slow you were moving until John asks you, "are you alright?" </p><p>"I am." You turn your head and tell John, "I'm just thinking about rewatching that old X-men cartoon cause I think I saw it on Disney+ and I remembered Gambit. Hmmm. We have the same taste in food too. I bet we'd be good lovers."</p><p>"Oh!" John lifted up both of his arms to gesture blowing you off. "You had a crush on pretty much ever cartoon boy ever drawn."</p><p>"Not true, it's about 85 percent of cartoon guys."</p><p>John laughed. "Okay, alright- that's fair. But... why not say Logan? He was hotter, wasn't he?"</p><p>"Dude. What the fuck?" You smile and chuckle at him. "No, he's a dick."</p><p>"You'd still fuck him." John gave you a little look.</p><p>"That's besides the point." Once you said that, John started hacking. You got a good laugh out of him. </p><p>You smile softly at the sight of John snorting at your little joke. You hear Karkat's voice coming from the living room calling out to the two of you with a voice even gruffer than usual, "SICK HERE."</p><p>"Oh, right!" John hopped right back into action. He grabs both of your shoulders and starts escorting you out of the kitchen. "We can talk about your fictional crushes later, soup comes first! You can cum later!"</p><p>John sends you on your way and out of the kitchen, you smile as you step back into the living room. It's your turn to watch a shit romance novel turned into a hollywood disaster. But before you even make it to the living room, Sollux opens the front door and gets to work getting up the steps without even slipping off his shoes, you can hear it in his steps. You rush over, he must be tired. You better help him. </p><p>Sollux heard you coming down before he even saw you, he lifted up his arms and handed you both bags. You handed one to John as he walked over to thank Sollux.</p><p>"Oh, sweetheart." John places his hand over his heart, "thank you."</p><p>"No prob." Sollux was looking down at the ground. "I needed that walk."</p><p>"I'm glad that you got a chance to move around, do you feel a bit better... I noticed that you seem a little out of it today, honey."</p><p>Sollux nods a few times and then he rolls his head back as he lets out a small sigh. </p><p>Sollux looks back at John as he says, "I thought about it my whole way over, and I'm gonna miss your cooking... but I think I'm gonna crash at my bros place for a little while."</p><p>"Oh, Sollux. You don't have to leave." John places his hands on Captor's arms and then rubs them.</p><p>"Come on, Ecto." Sollux smiles down at John as John rubs his arms. "Karkat's sick, you have work, and Dave's... Dave. So you don't need me adding on any unnecessary stress."</p><p>John nods once and slowly lifts up his head. John looks up at Sollux and breaths in a deep sigh, "I'm a bit divided at the moment, aren't I?"</p><p>Sollux nods.</p><p>John sighs like he's hurt, "...I respect your decision to leave... but... can I at least help you pack?" John's smiling like he's afraid the answer is no.</p><p>"I don't need the help, I'm solid." Sollux smiles and chuckles.</p><p>"Okay... can I make you something for the road?" John leans in as he asks, he seems so hopeful.</p><p>"John. You're good." Sollux shook his head no. "I think I'll be fine."</p><p>John slightly frowns as he looks over at you. You shrug. John turns back to Captor and tells him,</p><p>"You need anything from me before you leave though, just say the word." John points up at Sollux almost like it's a threat. </p><p>John lowers his hand and lightly sighs, "And Sollux... You are not, and have never been, a burden on me. You always help make my life a little easier, and everyone here is going to miss you. We all love you." John lifted himself up on the balls of his feet so he could grab Sollux's head and plant a kiss on his forehead.</p><p>John lowers himself back down and says, "I love you."</p><p>John looks over at you and then over towards the living room, "come on! Everyone say it!"</p><p>"I love you, man." You walk over to Sollux and grab his hand, you pull him close into a half-hug.</p><p>You both know that John's going to drag out the magazine if you don't do this, so you jump right to kissing his forehead.</p><p>You pull away and look down at John, he nods like he's content with you. Then he looks back over at the gist of where Karkat is behind the kitchen's wall. "Kaaaarkat?"</p><p>"UGH! I'M SICK, JOHN!" Karkat yells back. "AREN'T I EXEMPT?"</p><p>"Nooo... you say it." John starts walking over towards the living room couch.</p><p>"UGH!" Karkat whines, "SOLLUX, YOU COME TO ME."</p><p>Sollux walks over to the living room and chuckles. You follow your roommates to greet your other one, laying there, sweaty and sticky. Just hanging out on the couch with tissues stuck up his nose.</p><p>Karkat sits up as Sollux kneels down and allows Karkat to give him a small kiss on his forehead. </p><p>Karkat let out a small cough into his fist, when he was done hacking he says, "I LOVE YOU."</p><p>. . .</p><p>It's late at night, John must have already headed to bed. You just came out of your room, you're heading down just to get water but you might as well check and see if Vantas needs something.</p><p>You head over to the living room, you see just a huge pile of blankets with a bit of black hair peaking out. Looks like he's in the Egbert tomb, which is just a cute nickname that you all developed a little after you all started living together. Whenever someone falls asleep on the couch, John dog piles all of the blankets in the living room on top of his victim, smuggling them before he nurtures them to death.</p><p>You hear a small groan coming from the pile of sheets. Looks like Karkat's trying to turn or sit up.</p><p>You walk over to the couch along the kitchen wall and start freeing Karkat from his prison.</p><p>"WHY'D YOU DO THIS TO ME, EGBERT?" Karkat whimpers, "IT'S SO FUCKING HOT IN HERE."</p><p>"John's in bed. It's just me." You continue unwrapping Karkat from his grave. He sounds grateful for his new found freedom. Karkat lets out a large groan.</p><p>"OH GREAT." Karkat seems more than happy to be stuck with you. You ignore his bitching, instead you suck it up and deal with the situation the way that John would,</p><p>"You need anything, man?"</p><p>Karkat waves you closer. "COME HERE."</p><p>"Kay...?" You don't really wanna get closer, he looks filthy and smells like sweat. Karkat is frantically waving his hand so you come close enough that he can whisper in your ear.</p><p>Karkat attempts to whisper, "YOU WANNA CATCH UP ON MIRACULOUS?"</p><p>You pull away slowly.</p><p>You stare at Vantas and then over towards the stairs to the third floor.</p><p>You look back at Vantas and whisper, "just keep the volume low... okay...?"</p><p>"NO FUCKING DUH." Karkat tries to whisper. Vantas grabs the remote and starts pulling up the show.</p><p>You start walking backwards as you call out to Vantas with a hushed voice, "and wait-wait- wait! I need water!"</p><p>Karkat forces himself to open his eyes for this, "I'M JUST GONNA PLAY PAST THE THEME SONG."</p><p>"Don't you dare." You point at him.</p><p>Karkat groans as he rolls his eyes. "YOU SING IT EVERYTIME!"</p><p>You don't give a shit if you do, it's so rare you ever get a chance to binge this show with Vantas and you only watch it when you're together. You head into the kitchen and grab a glass. </p><p>Karkat asks you, still in as quiet of a whisper as he can muster.</p><p>"DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE WE LEFT OFF? SEASON THREE RIGHT?"</p><p>You raise your voice a bit as you grab water from the fridge, "It was after that whore fucked with Marinette's man."</p><p>"OH, RIGHT. RIGHT. THE BITCH WITH THE FLUTE."</p><p>"No. The bitch with the sword." You correct him.</p><p>"FUCK OFF!<em> SHE</em> SHOULD BE WITH ADRIEN."</p><p>"Oh. You really think that?" Vantas is such a fucking dipshit, how dare he shove romcoms down your throat all day and not see that Marinette and Adrien deserve each other. </p><p>Karkat quietly yells at you, "WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE KAGAMI CAUSE SHE DIDN'T MEMORIZE ADRIEN'S SCHEDULE?"</p><p>You're too tired for this argument again, "Marinette worked hard for her man, she busts her ass for her friends and just because she dug through the trash for one thing! that adrien threw out once! doesn't mean that she's an insane stalker." You point at Karkat, almost violently, as you say, "I Will Not Take Any Disrespect Against Marinette."</p><p>Karkat opens his mouth, and immediately starts hacking, you know Vantas's usual argument is that you're just projecting yourself onto Marinette, but she's so much more like John than you are. John always takes good care of his friends and always works hard to make life better for other people. You we're more like adrien as a kid, trapped and living a secret double life. Your mind is getting off track. The fact of the matter is-</p><p>"They are both in love with each other and they belong together." </p><p>You hear laughter coming from somewhere in the room. You look over to the staircase to the third floor, you see John peeking his head out. "Are you boys watching a show for<em> little girls?"</em></p><p>John's voice gets probably higher than you've ever heard it, <em>"and arguing about it?"</em></p><p>"Uh-" You're not sure what to say, or what to do... or even if you can move. </p><p>You've spent years sneaking around and watching this show with Vantas when you were in the clear... and it's... over... John knows you're secret shame and on top of that, he's about to know your only other one too...</p><p>John's on the verge of laughing, he sounds like he's holding back tears. He's waiting on you all to speak. John's waiting on you to say anything.</p><p>"HAVE YOU SEEN IT?" Vantas speaks up.</p><p>"No!?!" John shakes his head after he blurts out, "why would I watch that?!"</p><p>"It's good, man." You try to sound casual as you defend yourself. "It's like... a monster of the week show, you loved those back in middle school."</p><p>"Yeah...?" John shakes his head, "but you two were arguing over who should end up together, and I don't really want to watch this generation of girl's winx club."</p><p>"Winx club?" You nearly gasp.</p><p>"YOU WATCH YOUR DAMN MOUTH." Karkat points at John with even more hostility than you did when you pointed the finger at him.</p><p>"You don't even know what you're talking about John." You shake your head, trying hard to keep your cool, "you've never seen it. You might like it if you give it a chance."</p><p>"JUST DON'T MIND THAT DAVE SINGS THE THEME SONG. EVERY. DAMN. EPISODE."</p><p>"Okay." John walked around the other couch and then looked over at Vantas, hogging up the other sofa. As John sat down on the couch John placed his hands on his lap and contently said, "now I have to watch this."</p><p>"That won you over?" You ask John as you take your seat right next to him.</p><p>"I need to see the coolest guy I know sing the girliest lyrics about fighting crime and then crying over a boy."</p><p>"Okay, that just sounds like sailor moon," you point out.</p><p>"Did you watch that as a kid?" John asks you with stars in his eyes.</p><p>You hear Karkat grunt as you give your answer,"fuck yeah I did." </p><p>"Did Dirk watch that shit too?!" John sounds like he desperately wants the answer to be yes, you can do him one better.</p><p>"Dirk's the reason I watched it."</p><p>John took in a deep gasp of air and adjusted in his seat, "okay! okay! Wha-"</p><p>"OKAY!? CAN I PLEASE WATCH MY SHOW IN PEACE!? THIS DOESN'T NEED TO FEEL LIKE A FUCKING SLEEPOVER. I'M FUCKING TIRED AS SHIT, I WANT TO JUST WATCH FRANCE'S VERSION OF SPIDERMAN FUCK UP EVERYTHING SHE DOES."</p><p>"Okay. Alright!" John settles down and then snuggles up to you, he puts his hand on your chest and rests his cheek against your neck. He's looking up at you as he tells Karkat, "Just don't skip the theme song. I want to hear this!"</p><p>You hold your breath for a moment and lightly breath it out. Even if this is all just a joke to him.</p><p>John is desperately keyed up to listen to you sing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Karkat. Karkat." </p><p>You groan and try to turn away from whoever-the-fuck is calling you, but you're trapped in another fucking Egbert tomb so you just stay right where you are. Someone's peeling you free from the sheets you're trapped under. You keep moaning and bitching, you kinda don't want freedom right now. You were comfortable before this asshole showed up. You vaguely hear someone whispering, "Psst. Come on. Get up. You have to read this!" Whoever the fuck is calling out to you is fucking annoying as all hell. No way you're waking up for This Bitch. Oh fuck no. Now he's shoving you from side to side, shaking you and forcing you up.</p><p>You open your eyes just to glare at whoever it is.</p><p>You weren't awake enough to even register Dave's voice, but now that you see him, you wish you would have just forced yourself back asleep. </p><p>You were right about to slug Strider the other night. You both watched one episode of Miraculous with John, and Dave had to start screaming about how Adrien was busting his ass to impress Ladybug. Dave was yelling at you, <em>"OH! OH! OH! WHAT?! LOOK AT THAT SHIT! THAT'S <strong>MY </strong>SHIT, BITCH!"</em> Fucking whatever, that doesn't prove Dave right. Adrien doesn't even know who that bitch is, he has no idea that Marinette and Ladybug are one in the same- and Adrien's feelings are more like admiration than love and fucking whatever! Strider's never going to listen to you and John was too busy laughing at Dave shouting at you to even make his own opinion. John just happily nodded along with Dave's words as Dave pointed at the screen and told John how cute Aspik is. Fucking stupid ass bitch- <em>'OH GREAT.'</em> Dave's shoving his phone into your face. You haven't even finished wiping the sleep out of your eyes before Dave puts his phone down into your hands and demands that you red from the top. "Start here!"</p><p>You grumble as your eyes struggle to focus on the blur in front of you. There's just a bright white flash, violently assaulting your eyes.</p><p>Slowly, your eyes are able to focus, you begin reading from right where Dave told you to as Dave crouches down on the ground and sits by your side so he can read with you.</p><hr/><p class="honey">dude, that sucks...</p><p class="honey">what kept you up so late?</p><p class="john">well, part of it was that i was worried about karkat cause he's sick :c</p><p class="john">then i got a tiny headache,</p><p class="john">so i went to go take something...</p><p class="john">when I went downstairs to grab water,</p><p class="john">I found both my roomies arguing about a show for little girls!</p><p class="honey">dude, really?</p><p class="honey">all three of them?</p><p class="john">it was just dave and karkat, sollux is at his brother's atm.</p><p class="john">but... oh my god! i bet he'd love hearing about this!!!</p><p class="john">dave was defending this one girl in the show</p><p class="john">by like...</p><p class="john">honestly screaming/whispering at karkat.</p><p class="honey">wow.</p><p class="john">i know right!!?!?!</p><p class="john">how cute!?</p><p class="john">dave seemed so passionate about the show...</p><p class="john">and i've never seen him get so worked up about something that he'd like basically threaten karkat!</p><p class="john">i was already like kinda interested... when karkat and dave started telling me to join in and watch an ep...</p><p class="john">but then i absolutely HAD to sit down and watch one once karkat told me dave always sings along to the theme song!</p><p class="john">and oh my god!</p><p class="john">it was so adorable!</p><p class="john">dave was just grooving along to the opening like it was a bop.</p><p class="honey">was it?</p><p class="john">yeah!</p><p class="john">i didn't expect that it would literally be in french!</p><p class="honey">yeah?</p><p class="john">and i didn't expect to love it!</p><p class="john">but i totally do!</p><hr/><p>You look back up at Dave, he's usually so calm and casual.<br/>He usually tries to hide whatever he's feeling behind a stoic mask, but right now- Dave's not even hiding his smile.<br/>Dave gets like this when it ugh... -in Dave's own words- when John gets too cute to bear.<br/>Dave prods you on to keep reading, "go on!"<br/>You skip a bit of the messages and let out a huff of a sigh as you look back down at the screen. <br/>You bet there's something he's leading up to.<br/>You want to just get to it and get it over with.</p><hr/><p class="john">yeah,</p><p class="john">dave got so pissed that the main girl of the series started questioning if she liked this boy or not...</p><p class="john">i guess dave really wants those two characters to end up together...</p><p class="john">and karkat was so fucking excited that the couple that HE was cheering on, seemed like a thing for a sec at the start.</p><p class="john">but then the couple that dave wanted to be a thing, made a big come back!</p><p class="john">so dave stood up and started shouting at Karkat “what!? what!? what!?”</p><p class="john">it was like watching sports!</p><p class="john">...they were both so into it and had teams they were cheering for any everything!</p><p class="john">it was amazing!</p><hr/><p>Yeah no. It wasn't <em>amazing.</em><br/>It was more like total bullshit.<br/>Dave just kept pointing down with his hands to his crotch as he thrusted his hips, like he was telling you to suck it.<br/>Dave better fucking watch it. He can't keep screeching at you like this and then demanding you suck his fat one. Shit, one day you might just let slip to John that Dave wants a certain buck-tooth bitch to suck a certain special someone's micropenis.</p><hr/><p class="honey">so...</p><p class="honey">shipping?</p><p class="honey">you just learned now about shipping?</p><p class="john">wait.</p><p class="john">isn't that what nep is into???</p><p class="honey">yeah, man.</p><p class="john">huh. maybe i should ask her if she's seen the show.</p><p class="honey">she probably has.</p><p class="honey">i bet if you talk to her about this she'll be thrilled.</p><p class="john">i don't even remember the name of it.</p><p class="john">all i know is that it's french...</p><p class="john">and the girl's called ladybug.</p><p class="honey">oh. i know that shit.</p><p class="john">you do!?</p><p class="honey">eh. i kinda know the show...ish...?</p><p class="john">really!?</p><p class="honey">yeah.</p><hr/><p>You cough into your hand and grunt as you look back up at Dave.<br/>"THE FUCK IS THIS ACTUALLY ABOUT?"<br/>"Just keep reading!" Dave basically demanded that you shut up and do what he wants you to. You don't feel like arguing, you're too tired for that shit, you might as well just read whatever the fuck Dave wants you to and blow him off after. You're sure it's not as big of a deal as he's making it out to be... unless... Hm. You keep reading.</p><hr/><p class="honey">i saw some ladybug shit online a while back, it's actually kinda popular.</p><p class="john">it is?</p><p class="honey">yeah. is it good?</p><p class="john">mmhhmm! i really liked the one random ep i saw!</p><p class="honey">oh, cool.</p><p class="honey">i didn't really like it when i first watched it tbh.</p><hr/><p>"WHAT?" You have to stop there. This motherfucker right here is the reason for why you got into the show in the first place. Dave showed you the pilot before the show even aired cause he knew you loved romance and shit.<br/>"YOU SHOULDN'T BE LYING TO HIM, ISN'T THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE-" You gesture to his phone. "-ABOUT LIKE... GETTING OUT THE FEELINGS YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK? SHOULDN'T YOU BE HONEST?"<br/>Dave lets out a dry huff and rubs his hands through his colorless bangs when he tells you, "I didn't like it at first, so it's not a total lie."<br/>"THAT'S BULLSHIT." You call him out. "YOU JUST DIDN’T LIKE FELIX WHEN WE WAT-”<br/>"Whatever- hold on." Dave scrolls the phone a little bit down and points to the top line. "Read from here."</p><hr/><p class="honey">but hey, now that we're on the subject...</p><p class="honey">who do you think should end up together?</p><p class="john">do you even know the names of the characters in the show?</p><p class="honey">do you?</p><p class="john">good point.</p><p class="honey">ha. dude, just like...</p><p class="honey">describe the gist of them to me.</p><p class="john">why though?</p><p class="honey">...</p><p class="john">???</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="honey">i'm just asking so i can get a feel for what kinda stuff you like...</p><p class="honey">you know...</p><p class="john">wait...</p><p class="john">baaaaawww!</p><p class="john">that's kinda cute!!!</p><p class="john">you're asking cause you just wanna know what kinda "romancy stuff" i might be into!?</p><p class="honey">... yeah ...</p><p class="john">okie! i'll share my secret shame with you...</p><p class="john">uhhhhh...</p><p class="john">i don't remember that much about the guy... but he was like...</p><p class="john">the... guitar boy?</p><p class="honey">okay...?</p><p class="john">you know who i mean?</p><p class="honey">i think so, i think he's the one who has no lashes and it kinda freaks me out.</p><p class="john">okay, now i think you know the show better than you lead on...</p><p class="honey">hmm... maybe i'm more into romance than i lead on too...</p><p class="honey">;)</p><p class="john">ha! ha!!!!</p><p class="john">i like that...</p><p class="john">;)</p><hr/><p>You look back up at Strider, is this the shit he wanted to show you. Play flirting with Egbert? Wow. This is a big deal.<br/>But. Nope. Strider is just looking at you with a strained look as he says, "keep reading, you'll get to the good part soon."<br/>Yeah no, Strider's a fucking dumbass. Plus, Captor does that shit all the time and he said he was gonna pretend to sound like him instead of you this time. That's probably why he just manned up and send John a winky emoji. You scroll down to keep reading.</p><hr/><p class="honey">i've just seen screenshots and gifs and stuff from ladybug</p><p class="honey">you know how much nepeta likes spamming gifs.</p><p class="honey">i remember what the "guitar boy" looks like.</p><p class="john">hmmm, that's true...</p><p class="honey">so... you ship the guitar boy and who else?</p><p class="john">and the french boy.</p><hr/><p>Instantly, you look back over and at Dave. The fucker almost shouts,<br/>“Can you believe that shit!?”<br/>You squint your eyes at Dave as you respond with,<br/>"SO HE LIKES THE TWO BOYS TOGETHER... AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE FREAKING SHIT?"<br/>"Read the rest!" Dave looks as giddy as John usually does as he eggs you on to continue. </p><hr/><p class="honey">they are all french.</p><p class="john">uh...</p><p class="john">the one that is clearly gay.</p><hr/><p>"WAIT...WHAT?"</p><hr/><p class="honey">uhhh...?</p><p class="honey">who?</p><p class="john">he's blonde and cute.</p><p class="honey">oh, the main boy?</p><p class="john">i donno. i just know that ladybug is in love with him.</p><p class="honey">i think I know who you're talking about.</p><p class="honey">but... why do you like those two together?</p><hr/><p>Now you're starting to get a feel for why Dave might be so pumped...</p><hr/><p class="john">they talked only a little, but it was like the way they talked to each other,</p><p class="john">like...</p><p class="john">I don’t know!</p><p class="honey">did they seem cute... together or something?</p><p class="john">awww... yeah...</p><p class="john">mostly, it was that they looked cute next to each other.</p><p class="honey">yeah...?</p><p class="honey">is that all?</p><p class="john">okay. so... let me try to explain...</p><p class="john">all of the girls in the show kinda wanted the cute blonde boy to date them...</p><p class="john">and i can see the guitar boy snatching up the cute boy before the girls can even confess!</p><p class="john">i can definitely see guitar boy grabbing the blonde boy's waist...</p><p class="john">and pulling him all close and tight!</p><p class="john">and all the other girls are left in the dust!</p><p class="john">cause guitar boy is too good to beat!</p><hr/><p>
  <em>'OH.'</em>
</p><hr/><p class="honey">you saw all of that in one ep?</p><p class="john">well...</p><p class="john">it was like...</p><p class="john">i donno!</p><p class="john">guitar boy talked all smooth...</p><p class="john">and he seemed to me like he was the gay guy every girl secretly wants to get with.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>'OHHHH.'</em>
</p><hr/><p class="john">and like there was a point in the ep where the two boys had to hide from a baddie,</p><p class="john">and they could have both been crammed into the same locker.</p><p class="john">and i was like,</p><p class="john">why didn't they do that?!?</p><hr/><p>You stare down at the messages. </p><p>You nod as you find yourself agreeing with Strider, this really is some shit right here.</p><p>Worth waking you up over for sure.</p><p>"WOW." You keep nodding your head. "THAT'S SOME SHIT."</p><p>"Yeah!" Dave laughs as he takes his phone back from your hands. "I know right!?"</p><p>Dave keeps smiling, happier than you've ever seen him in all the years of living with this asshole.</p><p>Dave takes a deep breath, he tries to keep his voice down as he beams at you, </p><p>"John's into the show, and he likes shipping! Can you fucking believe it?"</p><p>You stare blankly at the messages, you aren’t even reading any of them anymore but you need to look away from that idiot before you slap him. You knew Strider was thick in the head but you don’t know how Strider can be this blind! Egbert’s never into romance or romcoms or anything that he doesn’t somehow relate to. </p><p>There is no way in fucking hell that a <em>straight </em>man who doesn't give a shit about romance or cartoons would all of a sudden be shipping <em>the two cute dudes</em> together in a show he's never seen unless his minds on that shit.</p><p>John might honestly be considering...</p><p>You open your mouth to speak, to voice your thoughts to the blind dip shit next to you.</p><p>But before you can say anything else you hear footsteps. Dave locks his phone's screen and pockets it.</p><p>Dave stands up from the floor and looks over at the staircase.</p><p>Dave lightly flips his hair at the sight of John walking down the final steps and into the living room. Dave keeps doing that shit like it’s a nervous habit. </p><p>John walks towards the couch Dave is usually parked on. John leans over it to say to him, “hey, you’re up early.”</p><p>It's dark as shit in the room with all the blinds down, but you can still see bright sunlight peeking through. Must be like fucking ten right now. Shit, it's too early in the day for this shit.</p><p>Dave nods at John and walks over to the couch. "I got some sleep last night for once.”</p><p>John walks around the sofa as he tells Dave, "good. I’m glad.”</p><p>Dave take's his usual seat as John gets into his usual spot, the two of them snuggling up together like it's a completely normal thing to do.</p><p>John looks up at Dave as he says,</p><p>"hey... seeing that Sollux is out... can we watch more of that show?”</p><p>Dave stumbles for a moment, "...you...uh... like it?”</p><p>John nods, he seems a bit embarrassed, "yeah... it’s just... I wanna see more of the guitar guy and the cute boy.”</p><p>Dave tries to hide his excitement as he asks, "re-really?” You think you can only hear Strider's joy because you're looking for it.</p><p>Dave's starting to turn a little bit pink in the face at hearing John giggle.</p><p>You roll your eyes and divert Egbert's attention,</p><p>"REALLY? WHY IS THAT THE SHIP YOU'RE GOING FOR?”</p><p>Egbert defends himself, "hey! They have chemistry. I don’t need to explain myself to either of you! -<em>And,</em> I don’t think there needs to be an thirty-minute long argument making my case for why the two boys should be together! I just like them!" John points at the two of you, alternating where his finger points as he demands you both "keep it civil! -and I’m looking at you Karkat.”</p><p>"HA. OKAY. DAVE TOTALLY DIDN'T YELL FOR A SOLID THREE MINUTES AT RANDOM AND SHOVE HIS NUTS IN MY FACE OV-"</p><p>"Dude," Dave speaks up, "John literally just pointed out how long you started ranting for about Kagami."</p><p>You take a breath to argue and then end up hacking. Shit, you’re still out of it.</p><p>You keep hacking into your fist as you try to calm down you hear John get up and walk over towards you,</p><p>"You not feeling so hot, sunshine?”</p><p>You blow John off as you cough. John must have scuttled off to grab you some water cause all of a sudden, there's a glass in your hands. You down it like it's medicine and it slightly helps soothe your throat.</p><p>Dave and John start talking as you tend to your aching nose and throat. You stuff two tissues up your nose and try to ignore that John's literally clinging onto Dave like the two are already lovers. </p><p>"-well... is there more of those two together?” John asks Dave as he places a hand up to his chest.</p><p>"Uh..." Dave lightly laughs, "I guess the episodes air out of order for some reason, so they were together before. I think I remember that? I bet we can look up compilations of every time they stood next to each other on youtube."</p><p>"Oh god." John sounded either displeased or... turned on. "Yes, please."</p><p>. . . </p><p>You rest your head on the arm rest as you stared at the screen. You’re too sick for this shit. Dave and John have been talking over the show for about an hour now, gossiping about literally nothing. You heard them talk about you for a bit like you weren’t even in the room. For some reason, watching a show like <em>this</em> makes John seem like he’s committing some ugly sin. No, wait. It’s feels more like John eating a vat of ice cream and braiding Dave's hair. They won't stop giggling about... oh great. Now They are talking about what Dave’s type is!</p><p>"Ehh... I like a guy who’s just as cute as he is demanding.” Dave admits. </p><p>John sounds confused, "demanding? Like... <em>get on your hands and knees</em> or...?”</p><p>Dave explains, "more like, take out the trash and do the dishes.”</p><p>"Ha! Yeah!" John agrees, "I think you should be with a boy that can keep you in line! Someone who can make you go to bed at a normal hour! You should find someone like that soon... I get so worried when I hear you shuffling around at night.”</p><p>"okay... well, I like the sound of that... but, you know how shy I actually am.” Dave's got a point when he says, "I don't really go out and meet new people, you know."</p><p>John must think Dave sounds cute cause he speaks to him with that stupid-ass baby voice again, <em>"awww... I know!”</em></p><p>John starts giggling, "I know better than anyone how shy you can be- and- ha!"</p><p>"What?” Dave nervously laughs.</p><p>John says through his giggles, "I was thinking about how one time -when we were thirteen- we went out to buy ice cream and you asked me to order cause the guy at the counter was too cute!”</p><p>Dave groans "Ugh.”</p><p>You groan with him. "UGGGH!"</p><p>John just slaps his tongue against the roof of his mouth and then goes, "awww.”</p><p>"You need to try to branch out more!" John is literally telling an asshole in love with him to get out of the house and find some other dick to ride.</p><p>"Nah. I think I'm good for a while." Dave mutters.</p><p>"Nuh-uh!" John prods at him, "you need to put yourself out there, you're so cute and handsome! I'm sure the moment that some nice guy sees you! He's gonna ask you out and do all the work for you! Trust me!"</p><p>"Guys don't really wanna talk to me and uh... usually the one's that do aren't the kind of guy I'm going for..."</p><p>"Oh!" John perks up. "Everyone wants you to be the um... what's it called? You know... when you're on top during sex?"</p><p>"The top?" Dave asks just to clarify.</p><p>"Yeah!" John laughs, sounds like he actually didn't remember that shit. You still look over at him like he's a fucking idiot. </p><p>"So... you like being on the bottom then?" John's hand is still on Dave's chest.</p><p>"Eh, I think if I really liked a guy..." Dave confesses, "I wouldn't mind doing whatever."</p><p>"But your real type is-" John puts on a fake tough-guy voice, <em>"a buff, tough, muscular, strong-guy!"</em></p><p>"Uh... yeah..." Dave sounds so sheepish telling that shit to John but when it comes to you and Sollux he's fine with just admitting that he'd let your gym-owning, body-building neighbor ram into him raw.</p><p>"Oh! It's not that hard to find guys that look like that here!" John tells Dave, "so many people downtown look fit and nice! I bet that you could go bar hopping and-"</p><p>"Not looking for a one-night stand, John." Dave clarifies.</p><p>"I know! I know! You're too shy for that!" John giggles, "I'm just saying... it's a good way to meet people, and maybe talking to some people tipsy would loosen you up! I'd even come! And-"</p><p>"-AND THEN DO ALL THE TALKING FOR HIM?" You finally speak up.</p><p>"Hey! I don't talk<em> for</em> Dave," -he's defending himself from your usual claim- "I'm just talkative! And I like to let people know that my favorite guy is a little shy." John pats Dave's chest and smiles up at him.</p><p>"HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU DON'T TALK FOR HIM!? REMEMBER LAST WEEK, WE GRABBED TEXMEX AND YOU GAVE SOME GUY DAVE'S NUMBER?"</p><p>John looked over at you, "so! Dave said he was cute! -and what’s wrong with a little help?” John puts both of his hands, limply on his hips.</p><p>"Well..." Dave answers for you, "the guy wasn't gay, first of all... and there was the added bonus that it was our server and you hit on him for me while we were all ordering.”</p><p>"Dave, you need to put yourself out there and show guys you're open to a relationship!" John defends himself, "-And if you think a boy is cute then you need to-"</p><p> "Okay!" Dave cuts him off, "But cute isn’t the only thing I look for.”</p><p>"Ohh... yeah, I forgot... you like nice guys?" John laughs like that's a joke.</p><p>"I want a guy who's kind to everyone he meets and-" Dave's cut off by John, who softly says,</p><p>"-takes care of you?”</p><p>"yeah...” Dave nods as he looks down at the man comfortably resting in his arms. </p><p>John sits up and gives Dave a smack on the arm, "you have me for that!"</p><p>"Hey!" Dave whines as he nurses his hit from John's love tap. "What was tha-"</p><p>John continues talking over Dave's bitching, "find a guy who makes you feel good about yourself! Someone who takes you to the movies and buys you dinner! No! Find a guy who's willing to cook with you! That's real love! You need to find someone who puts in the effort to show how much he cares about you! I want to see you in a real relationship with someone who loves you even more than I do! Someone with good looks- but don't expect him to look nicer than you though- you can't set your standards that high or no one will ever meet them! Find a guy who gets super happy when he sees you walk into a room! -and oh! He has to be smooth! Don’t settle for a guy that doesn’t compliment you every second of everyday! and he-"</p><p>“JOHN." You're getting tired of this. "THAT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE DESCRIBING YOURSELF.” </p><p>"Huh? Oh no. I mean a guy who sounds sexy!" John looks back over at Dave and he gives him almost a seductive smile, "-and he’s tall and maybe wears a pink shirt and he’s not afraid to.”</p><p>"Ha." Dave pulls John back into a <em>bro</em>hug. "As much as I wanna fuck Gambit. He’s too busy being fictional, John.”</p><p>"I'm saying find a guy like that! I know you can! You’re hot, Dave!” You don't know how Egbert sees that in Dave, but alright. It gets Dave to lightly laugh, laugh like he’s nervous at the sound of hearing he’s hot from literally the love of his life.</p><p>John, upfront just says, "get a guy who fucks you so hard at night that you can sleep at a normal hour.”</p><p>"Whoa." Dave lightly pushes John up from off of his chest, "John, that sounds a bit-" </p><p>"like a good idea! I know!” John nods.</p><p>"No.. Uh..." Dave stumbles and stutters.</p><p>John looks up at him with a stupid, confused look on his face.</p><p>"I just don’t know if I like... the idea of um...” Dave looks off at nothing as he rubs the back of his neck with his palm.</p><p>"What?” John tries to get Dave to meet his gaze again.</p><p>"I- don’t know if... um.” Dave adjusts the shades on his face and coughs into his fist.</p><p>"Oh! Are you telling me you’re way<strong> too shy to even<em> try to have sex!?”</em></strong> John almost starts shouting</p><p>Dave looks away and lets a sigh out of his nose. Somehow John can just read the poor fucker's mind.</p><p>"you are!?” John starts bouncing up and down in his seat, like the idea of Dave being to sheepish to have sex is funny and not just plain sad.</p><p>"I can’t even talk to boys, John." Dave asks, "how am I supposed to even kiss them?”</p><p>They both sound like they are both tween girls.</p><p>"That’s fair, Dave. I don’t know if I could kiss a cute boy either.” John softly jokes.</p><p>"You kissed Sollux.” Dave points out how often Egbert fucking plays into Sollux's shit games.</p><p>"oh... I know, but he’s straight, Dave. I know it doesn’t mean anything to him when-"</p><p>Dave interrupts, "he starts making out with your asshole?”</p><p>"HA!” Egbert snorts. "Where’d you get that from!?! You don’t usually say anything that naughty!”</p><p>Dave admits it wasn't his joke, "Captor told me a joke like that the other day.”</p><p>"Ohhh..." John bit his bottom lip with his overbite and gave Dave eyes. "was he offering?" </p><p>"Oh... wait!" Suddenly Egbert became furious, like he just realized something. "Was he!? I told him not to!”</p><p>"Nah. He was talking about Karkat.” Oh great. Sollux was talking about eating you out again, this has to be the fifth time this fucking week. </p><p>Egbert seems relieved even if you aren't, "ah. good. I’d kick his ass when he comes home if he pressed you to play into his love games again!”</p><p>"I’m okay, even if he does-“</p><p>John cuts Dave off, “No... no, you’re not... you always let everyone push a joke to far! Even me! Oh, I need to find you a boy with extra backbone so you can finally have some!”</p><p>Dave smiles and lightly laughs, "he-heey.”</p><p>"you know I’m right!” John points up at him.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You're glad they are done talking over your show. The two of them told you they were hungry.</p><p>"BRING ME BACK SOMETHING." You bitch.</p><p>"We don't even know where we're going yet." Dave bitches back.</p><p>"You said you want burgers, I'm thinking we get five guys." John suggests.</p><p>"ORDER ME SOMETHING <em>AFTER</em> YOUR DATE. I DON'T WANT MY FRIES TO BE COLD." You gesture for them to fucking get out and leave already. Once you said the word 'date' you could see Dave tense up. "AND BRING SOME VINEGAR HOME THIS TIME! DON'T FUCKING FORGET."</p><p>John just reaffirmed you, "no. we're actually going out to grab five guys to bang, then we're going to that graffiti place. Sorry, I don't think they have vinegar."</p><p>. . .</p><p>You're laying down on the couch, waiting for John to come back with whatever the fuck he's gonna come back with.</p><p>You're trying hard to fall back asleep but you're way too over-tired for sleep to come. You think you should get up and grab something to drink but fuck it. You like being in this version of the Egbert tomb he made specifically to keep your arms free. You have to be under like thirty blankets right now and you're sweating your balls off... and you'd never admit it out loud... but you're cozy.</p><p>Suddenly, your phone dings. You fumble around, smacking your arm on the table next to you. You're too lazy to turn your head to look at where it is. You'll get it eventually, ah! Got it.</p><p>Oh fuck no. You don't want to talk to this asshole.</p><p>But... he's having a rough go around... maybe you should at least <em>try </em>and be sympathetic.</p><hr/><p class="sollux">hey.</p><p class="karkat">HEY?</p><p class="sollux">just asking if you're up to stream?</p><p class="karkat">ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU ARE?</p><p class="sollux">nah. i've just been recording let's plays.</p><p class="karkat">GOOD FOR YOU.</p><p class="karkat">BUT THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME IF I'M UP TO STREAM?</p><p class="sollux">I miss you.</p><p class="karkat">DON'T FUCKING GIVE ME THIS SHIT.</p><p class="sollux">ha. alright. i just kinda wanted to like... see you again.</p><p class="sollux">it's quiet at my bro's place.</p><p class="sollux">he's out with his girlfriend and i have no one to yell with.</p><p class="sollux">and i miss hearing like...</p><p class="sollux">screams all the time.</p><p class="karkat">WELL THEN DON'T BITCH AT ME WHEN YOU COME HOME AND IT'S TOO NOISY TO THINK.</p><p class="sollux">that's the thing. I like when it's too noisy to think.</p><p class="sollux">i hate my own thoughts, feels like i'm in the clink.</p><p class="sollux">i'd rather watch you stream,</p><p class="sollux">cause i wanna see you scream at your screen.</p><p class="karkat">WHAT ARE YOU STRIDER? YOU'RE HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN RHYMING THERE.</p><p class="sollux">just thought i'd make a poem, baby.</p><p class="sollux">bout how much i miss you.</p><p class="karkat">YOU'RE NOT HOME.</p><p class="karkat">YOU KNOW THAT?</p><p class="karkat">YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO STOP ME FROM TAKING A PISS ON YOUR BED.</p><p class="sollux">ohhh, baby.</p><p class="sollux">you'd do that for me?</p><p class="karkat">YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TIRED.</p><p class="karkat">I CAN JUST STOP REPLYING TO YOUR MESSAGES INSTEAD.</p><p class="karkat">HOW ABOUT THAT?</p><p class="sollux">nah. nah. nah.</p><p class="sollux">tell me about how john and dave are doing?</p><p class="sollux">is dave like... slowly dying or...</p><p class="karkat">"OR" ACTUALLY.</p><p class="sollux">huh?</p><p class="sollux">what do you mean?</p><p class="karkat">WELL. JOHN WATCHED A SHOW WITH US.</p><p class="karkat">THERE WERE TWO BOYS TOGETHER AND EGBERT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LIKING THE WAY THAT THEY TALKED TO EACH OTHER,</p><p class="karkat">EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE LIKE NO CHEMISTRY OR BACKGROUND WITH EACH OTHER WHAT SO EVER!</p><p class="sollux">ok. why is that important?</p><p class="karkat">IT ISN'T!</p><p class="karkat">WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS THAT JOHN WAS INTERESTED IN SHIPPING THE TWO BOYS TOGETHER.</p><p class="sollux">so?</p><p class="karkat">SO!</p><p class="karkat">WHAT FUCKING STRAIGHT MAN DO YOU KNOW WATCHES A FUCKING SHOW WITH HIS TWO BEST "BROS" AND THEN RANDOMLY SAYS THAT HE'S INTO THE TWO BOYS GETTING CRAMMED INTO A LOCKER?</p><p class="sollux">uh... john?</p><p class="karkat">I SAID STRAIGHT.</p><p class="sollux">well... last time dave checked he was...</p><p class="karkat">AND WHAT? WE TAKE HIS WORD ON THAT?</p><p class="sollux">yeah...?</p><p class="karkat">I'M STARTING TO SEE THAT MAYBE STRIDER ISN'T THE EGBERT MASTER THAT HE WANTS US TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS.</p><p class="sollux">pretty sure that he knows more than we do though.</p><p class="karkat">I THINK HE "KNOWS" THINGS ABOUT EGBERT.</p><p class="karkat">BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW EGBERT THINKS.</p><p class="karkat">I CAN FUCKING SEE THE GEARS TURNING IN JOHN'S HEAD.</p><p class="karkat">I THINK THAT JOHN'S THINKING ABOUT MAYBE...</p><p class="karkat">JUST MAYBE...</p><p class="karkat">GETTING WITH A DUDE.</p><p class="sollux">that is some serious shit to throw around, man.</p><p class="sollux">you shouldn't bring that up to strider unless you're like at least 95% sure that's the case.</p><p class="karkat">I'M DAMN SURE IT IS.</p><p class="karkat">AND YOU FUCKING SEE HOW MUCH THEY CUDDLE?</p><p class="sollux">okay, john cuddles with me a lot too.</p><p class="sollux">and you when he's lucky.</p><p class="karkat">THEY WON'T STOP SNUGGLING UP TO EACH OTHER, ALMOST FEELS LIKE JOHN'S SHOWING OFF HOW HE'S GOT DAVE WRAPPED AROUND HIS LITTLE FINGER.</p><p class="sollux">uhhh... what?</p><p class="karkat">AND I FUCKING KNOW FOR A FACT THAT JOHN IS STARTING TO LIKE TALKING TO HIS ANONYMOUS LOVER.</p><p class="sollux">secret admirer?</p><p class="karkat">AND I GET THE FEELING FROM JOHN THAT HE MIGHT BE COMING A BIT OUT OF HIS SHELL.</p><p class="sollux">you aren't even reading my messages... are you?</p><p class="karkat">I THINK THAT JOHN IS STARTING TO FEEL A BIT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING WITH A GUY!</p><p class="karkat">HE SAW TWO BOYS IN A SHOW AND JUMPED INTO SHIPPING THEM, LIKE HE DIDN'T EVEN PUT ANY REAL THOUGHT INTO IT!</p><p class="sollux">like his subconsciousness was making the decision for him...?</p><p class="karkat">YEAH!</p><p class="sollux">so you just pick and choose when you want to listen to me???</p><p class="karkat">I THINK THIS SHOWS THAT DAVE MIGHT HAVE A SHOT.</p><p class="karkat">IT LOOKS LIKE JOHN'S ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT MAYBE BEING WITH A GUY,</p><p class="karkat">OR AT LEAST GIVING IT A SHOT.</p><p class="karkat">AND DAVE JUST PROVED THAT HE'S TOO STUPID TO NOTICE.</p><p class="karkat">HE SHOWED ME HIS MESSAGES AND A MILLION THINGS COMPLETELY WENT OVER HIS HEAD.</p><p class="karkat">INCLUDING THIS.</p><p class="sollux">okay.</p><p class="sollux">okay. okay.</p><p class="sollux">so... john is into... "shipping" two boys together in this show...?</p><p class="sollux">and you think that means that he's down to ride strider dick?</p><p class="karkat">I THINK THAT IT MEANS HE'S DOWN TO DATE HIM.</p><p class="karkat">DON'T MAKE THIS SEXUAL...</p><p class="karkat">YET.</p><p class="sollux">well...</p><p class="sollux">i don’t think it means anything.</p><p class="sollux">not everything someone likes is rooted in “this person subconsciously wants this” </p><p class="sollux">that freudian shit sounds like something rose would say.</p><p class="karkat">OH GOD. DON'T TELL ME I SOUND LIKE HER,</p><p class="karkat">I CAN'T TAKE THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.</p><p class="sollux">I know you don’t wanna sound like you have a stick up your ass.</p><p class="sollux">you wanna sound like you’re taking a whole fucking log, baby.</p><p class="karkat">SHUT UP. DIDN'T WE JUST GET THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING ABOUT YOU NEEDING TO GO AWAY JUST TO CALM DOWN?!</p><p class="sollux">can't calm down when it's about you, babe.</p><p class="karkat">GOD.</p><p class="sollux">haha. </p><p class="karkat">WEREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT DAVE? LET'S GET BACK TO THAT. </p><p class="sollux">well then. back to my point...</p><p class="sollux">I jack off to porn that’s fucked up and weird...</p><p class="sollux">when you think about it, it’s more like an outlet for me to just be fucked up and weird.</p><p class="karkat">REALLY? YOU JACK OFF TO FUCKED UP PORN? WHY AM I SO SHOCKED AT THAT?</p><p class="sollux">it's probably even worse than whatever you're thinking...</p><p class="karkat">REALLY? LIKE WHAT?</p><p class="sollux">oh baby, wouldn’t you like to know.</p><p class="sollux">maybe i can show you.</p><p class="karkat">NO. I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEND ME A LINK.</p><p class="sollux">no, I was gonna say "i wanna feel you up and show you in rl," then I realized I told myself I’m not doing that shit anymore to you.</p><p class="sollux">FUCK I’m sorry- I’m getting fucked over by my brain and you don’t need me to fuck you over too.</p><p class="sollux">Shit! I meant you don’t need these fucked up comments.</p><p class="karkat">IT’S ALRIGHT IF IT'S JUST COMMENTS… JUST STOP  ACTUALLY TOUCHING US.</p><p class="sollux">oh?</p><p class="sollux">...i can try, sure...</p><p class="sollux">but when I say I want your ass I can’t help myself. I have to grab it.</p><p class="karkat">THEN HAVE A LITTLE SELF CONTROL!</p><p class="sollux">not easy.</p><p class="karkat">I DON'T MAKE IT EASY. </p><p class="sollux">baby… are you in on the joke now?</p><p class="karkat">IF YOU TELL ANYONE I ACTUALLY JOINED IN TO YOUR SHIT GAMES. NOT ONLY WILL I DENY IT, I’LL DRIVE TO YOUR BROTHER’S HOUSE AND SHOOT YOU IN THE CROTCH.</p><p class="sollux">where are you gonna get a gun? </p><p class="karkat">THEN I'LL KICK YOUR NUTS TILL THEY’RE BLUE.</p><p class="sollux">ohhh. baby. You already give me blue balls.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY! I'M LEAVING!</p><p class="sollux">no no no! tell me more about john and dave and how they are doing </p><p class="karkat">REALLY?</p><p class="sollux">yeah, i wanna hear about this from you. I’m worried.</p><p class="karkat">I KNOW THAT YOU'RE WORRIED.</p><p class="karkat">I KNOW YOU REALLY DO CARE.</p><p class="karkat">I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO VOICE HOW YOU ACTUALLY FEEL ABOUT SHIT.</p><p class="karkat">AND I KNOW THAT SECRETLY, YOU'RE BEATING YOURSELF UP BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE THERE FOR DAVE RIGHT NOW, AND YOU WANT TO PUSH JOHN CLOSER TO DAVE. EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE JEALOUS.</p><p class="sollux">if you tell anyone that shit. and i mean ANYONE. I’ll tell everyone I caught you jacking it to scat porn.</p><p class="karkat">I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.</p><p class="sollux">oh really, baby? I’ve gotta teach you a thing or two when I get back. </p><p class="karkat">YOU WERE ASKING ME ABOUT</p><p class="karkat">JOHN.</p><p class="karkat">AND.</p><p class="karkat">DAVE.</p><p class="sollux">right right</p><p class="sollux">damn just ignore me if i start talking about how fat your ass is for your twig fucking body.</p><p class="karkat">TRYING</p><p class="sollux">hmm. go on, baby.</p><p class="karkat">SO DAVE AND JOHN JUST WENT OUT FOR BURGERS.</p><p class="sollux">hmm where?</p><p class="karkat">WHY DOES THAT MATTER?</p><p class="sollux">wanna know if it’s like a date spot kinda thing or McDonald’s.</p><p class="karkat">FIVE GUYS.</p><p class="sollux">you sure they didn’t just mean they were going out to fuck five guys?</p><p class="karkat">JOHN ALREADY BEAT YOU TO THAT JOKE.</p><p class="sollux">damn, like john already beat me to dave.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="sollux">i swear, i actually considered switching teams to play around with him for a bit.</p><p class="karkat">SURE.</p><p class="sollux">and egbert's honestly lucky, he's like damn thicc too.</p><p class="karkat">ALRIGHT. YOU GOOD NOW. THOSE COMMENTS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM?</p><p class="sollux">they won't be for a while tbh.</p><p class="sollux">my brain is scrambled like eggs.</p><p class="sollux">fucked up and twisted...</p><p class="sollux">like your thighs could be around my waist.</p><p class="sollux">FUCK.</p><p class="sollux">sorry, i'm like... fucked up.</p><p class="sollux">i think i just need to get everything out of my system.</p><p class="sollux">and... um...</p><p class="sollux">tbh</p><p class="sollux">i think i'm actually just looking for a fight.</p><p class="sollux">i talked about this with strider.</p><p class="sollux">and i know it's really immature...</p><p class="sollux">but...</p><p class="sollux">part of why i make so many of these comments is so then i can drive you up the wall.</p><p class="sollux">cause i know you hate them...</p><p class="sollux">and it becomes like...</p><p class="sollux">an addiction to piss you off.</p><p class="sollux">cause like...</p><p class="sollux">you're so much fun to scream with.</p><p class="sollux">and get into arguments with.</p><p class="sollux">and i shouldn't enjoy pissing you off so much...</p><p class="sollux">but it's like... my version of therapy, you know?</p><p class="sollux">well... real therapy.</p><p class="sollux">my actual therapy sessions never leave me feeling so like... happy.</p><p class="sollux">cause when you scream at me, it feels like you're blowing off steam too.</p><p class="sollux">and i know you're like a powder keg, always ready to just go off.</p><p class="sollux">and i always felt like if i ever started shit with someone, they'd like... grow to hate me.</p><p class="sollux">but with you,</p><p class="sollux">you just go into my room and steal my stuff and bring it up to your room.</p><p class="sollux">and then you drag me up there somehow to just chill out.</p><p class="sollux">and you let me sleep on your bed when i tell you that my mattress is killing my back.</p><p class="sollux">and i try so hard to never make any jokes or weird comments about that.</p><p class="sollux">cause i really do appreciate you letting me basically use your room as like... a second home.</p><p class="sollux">i mean, not like egbert and strider don't do the same.</p><p class="sollux">but you honestly like, always seems so cool with my company.</p><p class="sollux">and it makes me feel like, we're best friends...</p><p class="sollux">i know that you might not feel the same way about me.</p><p class="sollux">but seeing dave come out and just like... be honest about his feelings.</p><p class="sollux">made me think i should start manning up and like...</p><p class="sollux">or at least try to communicate how i feel.</p><p class="sollux">even though i'm still probably just going crazy on you and i don't even realize how fucked up my words are rn.</p><p class="sollux">i feel so angry and like stressed and like i'm tearing my hair out.</p><p class="sollux">i don't know.</p><p class="sollux">you don't need to hear everything about what i'm going through.</p><p class="sollux">or all my thoughts.</p><p class="sollux">cause i just thought about how my brain is super fucked but i'm fucking hung, so that balances everything out.</p><p class="sollux">kk?</p><p class="sollux">you still there?</p><p class="karkat">YEAH.</p><p class="karkat">THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW ALL OF THAT.</p><p class="karkat">I DON'T ALWAYS GET YOU, BUT...</p><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="karkat">DON'T MAKE FUN.</p><p class="karkat">I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE LIKE...</p><p class="karkat">"THE DAVE TO MY JOHN."</p><p class="karkat">IN A PLATONIC WAY.</p><p class="karkat">CAUSE WE'D NEVER BE ANYTHING MORE THAN FUCKED UP FRIENDS.</p><p class="karkat">AND... LIKE. I DO STEAL YOUR SHIT AND DRAG IT UP TO MY ROOM.</p><p class="karkat">AS JUST AN EXCUSE TO GET YOU UP THERE.</p><p class="karkat">CAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO ADMIT THAT I LIKE YOUR COMPANY.</p><p class="sollux">oh... so...</p><p class="sollux">is that what that "the wifi works better downstairs" shit was about?</p><p class="sollux">...</p><p class="sollux">kk?</p><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="karkat">FINE.</p><p class="karkat">SO MAYBE THE WIFI WORKED BETTER IN MY ROOM WHEN THE ROUTER WAS IN IT.</p><p class="karkat">BUT IT'S FUCKING FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE HUNTING ME DOWN LIKE I'M AN ANIMAL WHILE I'M RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU IN REAL LIFE.</p><p class="karkat">PEOPLE WATCHING MY STREAMS EAT UP THAT SHIT.</p><p class="sollux">yeah... same.</p><p class="sollux">everyone watching my streams thinks it's so funny how close we are.</p><p class="sollux">but like...</p><p class="sollux">strider is the one with the real following.</p><p class="sollux">to be real, we're all just riding his coattails.</p><p class="karkat">LET'S MAKE SURE DIRK NEVER KNOWS THAT WE ADMIT TO THAT.</p><p class="sollux">can't let it get to his head that he has power over us.</p><p class="karkat">LORD FORBID.</p><p class="sollux">so like... this real talk has been good...</p><p class="sollux">but...</p><p class="sollux">john and dave?</p><p class="karkat">RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT.</p><p class="karkat">SO. I THINK THAT DAVE HAS A REAL SHOT.</p><p class="karkat">I'M GONNA BE KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON THE TWO OF THEM FOR NOW.</p><p class="karkat">I'LL SEND YOU UPDATES TO LET YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES.</p><p class="karkat">BUT I THINK THAT JOHN'S HONESTLY THINKING ABOUT GETTING WITH "WHOEVER" IS BEHIND THOSE IMS.</p><p class="sollux">but...</p><p class="sollux">okay...</p><p class="sollux">idk if it's my shit brain or something... but i'm really not following why you think that.</p><p class="sollux">a lot of people like weird shit in fiction.</p><p class="sollux">like i love the weirdest shit in porn,</p><p class="sollux">and it has nothing to do with my life at all.</p><p class="sollux">and you love romance and you're the angriest man i know.</p><p class="sollux">you're telling me that you secretly have a big soft spot in your heart and you dream of a man with long hair coming to whisk you away on a black horse to a new, better life?</p><p class="sollux">and that i wanna fuck my step-daughter or something?</p><p class="karkat">WAIT. WHAT KIND OF PORN DO YOU WATCH?</p><p class="sollux">a lot of familystrokes.</p><p class="karkat">...UH...</p><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="karkat">SO WE'RE JUST GONNA FACTOR YOU OUT OF THE EQUATION.</p><p class="karkat">LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">okay.</p><p class="karkat">SO. THERE WAS SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT THE WAY THAT JOHN TALKED ABOUT THE CHARACTERS AND WHAT HE SAW IN THEM.</p><p class="karkat">IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE HOW JOHN NORMALLY TALKS ABOUT SHIT.</p><p class="karkat">SO I THOUGHT MAYBE JOHN'S TRYING TO TURN THE PRANK BACK AROUND, BUT NO. JOHN WANTED TO WATCH MORE OF THE SHOW AND MADE US WATCH A COMPILATION OF EVERYTIME THAT THE TWO BOYS WERE NEXT TO EACH OTHER.</p><p class="karkat">THERE'S JUST NO WAY THAT JOHN HASN'T BEEN THINKING ABOUT TWO GUYS BEING TOGETHER IN THE BACK OF HIS MIND.</p><p class="sollux">What? Why does it have to mean that?</p><p class="karkat">THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND.</p><p class="karkat">JOHN DOESN'T SHIP ANYTHING, NONE OF YOU GUYS DO.</p><p class="sollux">Not true, I ship my dicks and your hands.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY. SHUT UP.</p><p class="sollux">doesn't dave ship shit too though?</p><p class="karkat">HE ONLY SHIPS SHIT WHEN IT REMINDS HIM OF JOHN AND HIMSELF GETTING TOGETHER.</p><p class="karkat">IF HE CAN RELATE HE LIKES IT.</p><p class="karkat">IF IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM OR HIS FEELINGS, HE COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A SHIT.</p><p class="karkat">AND I'M JUST SAYING THAT JOHN THINKING ABOUT THE TWO BOYS BEING LOVERS SEEMED FUCKING OFF. THE ONLY THING ON HIS MIND IS WORK AND GETTING THE THREE OF US TO TRY AND FUNCTION AS PEOPLE.</p><p class="karkat">SO IF JOHN STARTED GAINING AND INTEREST IN TWO RANDOM CUTE BOYS, I THINK IT'S FUCKING WEIRD.</p><p class="karkat">YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING.</p><p class="sollux">well...</p><p class="sollux">one thing i have to add to that.</p><p class="sollux">john's always thinking about dave.</p><p class="sollux">he always wants dave to be like... happy and he always really admired him.</p><p class="sollux">even before we moved in together...</p><p class="sollux">john was like super wild about being as cool and as laid back as dave is.</p><p class="karkat">SO YOU'RE SAYING...</p><p class="sollux">i'm saying... you know what i'm saying.</p><p class="karkat">YOU THINK THAT JOHN HAS ALWAYS BEEN INTO DAVE?</p><p class="karkat">AS LIKE... A LOVER?</p><p class="sollux">john laughs when i smack his ass.</p><p class="sollux">but i smack dave's ass and then john's gotta chew me out.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY. ACTUALLY THAT WAS SOMETHING I WAS IN ON.</p><p class="sollux">huh?</p><p class="karkat">SORRY, MAN. BUT JOHN HAD THIS PLAN TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU KNEW NOT TO BUG DAVE ANYMORE.</p><p class="karkat">AND HE WAS PLANNING ON CHEWING YOU OUT EVERY TIME YOU SAID SOMETHING TO DAVE.</p><p class="karkat">CAUSE DAVE'S OFF LIMITS TO YOU NOW.</p><p class="sollux">oh come on!</p><p class="sollux">i have to lose my dignity, AND the privilege of feeling dave up?!</p><p class="karkat">SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.</p><p class="karkat">YOU MADE YOUR OWN BED, NOW LIE IN IT.</p><p class="sollux">damn.</p><p class="sollux">well, if you think that dave has a chance with john i was gonna lose that privilege anyway.</p><p class="sollux">soon as the two of them get together, they are never gonna be apart.</p><p class="karkat">MAKES ME QUESTION IF WE SHOULD GET THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER.</p><p class="sollux">ha. i know what you mean.</p><p class="sollux">i say we should.</p><p class="sollux">even if we have to wallow in jealousy cause we'll never be in love like that.</p><p class="karkat">SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.</p><p class="karkat">I HAVE MY FUCKING ROMCOMS.</p><p class="karkat">I'M SET.</p><p class="sollux">ha!</p><p class="sollux">well, i'll leave you alone with them then. it's time i go back to bed anyway.</p><p class="karkat">OKAY.</p><p class="karkat">KEEP ME UPDATED WITH HOW YOU'RE FEELING, MAN.</p><p class="sollux">really?</p><p class="karkat">I GET WORRIED ABOUT YOU TOO YOU KNOW?</p><p class="sollux">well, if i say anything that's out of line, set me straight okay.</p><p class="karkat">HEY. MAYBE I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIGHT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR LATER?</p><p class="sollux">...really?</p><p class="karkat">YEAH.</p><p class="karkat">I HAVE TO ADMIT.</p><p class="karkat">SCREAMING AT YOU IS... FUN...</p><p class="karkat">IT'S ALMOST LIKE A ROUTINE AT THIS POINT...</p><p class="karkat">BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIKE... FIGHT YOU... IN PERSON IF THAT MAKES SENSE.</p><p class="sollux">no, yeah. i totally get it.</p><p class="karkat">I'D RATHER ONLY DO IT ON HERE.</p><p class="karkat">CAUSE THEN WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY EGBERT.</p><p class="karkat">WE JUST LIKE... GET OUT ALL OUR FRUSTRATIONS OVER IMS,</p><p class="karkat">AND THEN ACT LIKE WE NEVER EVEN FOUGHT.</p><p class="sollux">if you think that sounds like a good idea bitch, then i'll fucking fight you next time i message you.</p><p class="karkat">I'LL BE WAITING, JUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN "YOU HAVE A TINY CHODE" AND SOME WEAK FUCKING DEATH THREAT.</p><p class="sollux">anything for you, baby.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. clutching at your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What was with Karkat!? He's so grumpy right now!" John's in the passenger's seat of his own car, pouting and crossing his arms. </p><p>"He’s sick." You don't take your eyes off of the road as you talk to John, he gets pissed if you do.</p><p>"Yeah!" John lifts up both of his arms as he complains, "but he didn’t have to shout at me when I tried to snuggle him up with blankets!"</p><p>"It gets hot under there." You defend your roommate.</p><p>"Huh?" John honestly sounds like he doesn't get how that can be a bad thing.</p><p>You keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road as you say,</p><p>"Dude, you ever try sleeping under thirty sheets when you're already sweating?" </p><p>"Yeah…? Haven’t you seen my bed?" John laughs out a scoff.</p><p>"Well, my point is that Karkat's sick and he <em>usually</em> yells at us-"</p><p>"Yeah! But not like that!" John yells and then crosses his arms again and lets out a small huff. </p><p>"Okay." You let out a small, exhausted sigh, "what did he do to piss you off."</p><p>John stays silent for a few seconds, probably thinking about if it's worth saying it or not- "he wouldn't let me snuggle him earlier!”</p><p>"What?" You almost laugh. John is just too cute.</p><p>"When I tucked him in I wanted to cuddle up to him and give him kisses and he flat out rejected me!"</p><p>"Did you consider that maybe he doesn't want you to get sick." You already know that's probably not why Vantas shoved John off of him, but John seems to accept that as a good answer.</p><p>John nods thoughtfully as he says, "aww... I guess he's too much of a grouch to admit he's a big ol' softie."</p><p>John thinks about something for a moment before he asks you, "do you guys... uh... <em>like </em>being tucked in <em>or...</em> not?"</p><p>You straight up let John know the truth, "I love it. I love the attention. I’m sure Karkat does too." </p><p>John giggles and then snorts at your response. "Good." John nods. "I was afraid for a moment that you all kinda... hated it."</p><p>You shrug as you keep your focus on the road. "Sollux and Karkat get heated up pretty fast, you know them."</p><p><em>"Yeaaaah...</em> they are <strong>hot</strong>heads." John says and then giggles at his own joke. <em>'God damn it, he's just too fuckin' cute.'</em></p><p>You lightly laugh along with him and say, "I just think sometimes they don't want to be touched, but I mean... there's no way in hell they don't love being smothered by you and your nanna's blankets."</p><p>John blows a raspberry and then tells you, "Nah, nanna doesn’t send me blankets that nice! Those are all from my dad! Nanna just sends me shit to prank you guys with!"</p><p>"So that’s your supplier." You gained some powerful insight today.</p><p>"Y<em>eeee</em>p." John lounges back into his seat. "But she hasn't sent me anything in like a while."</p><p>"Why are you giving me your trade secrets?" You slightly turn your head to get a look at John.</p><p>"Cause you’re my best bud, Dave. We should be open and honest, <em>tell each other everything... hmm....?"</em> John's leaning in closer to you.</p><p>"Hm." You shake your head. "No, <em>I’m... </em><strong>not</strong> gonna tell you who sent the messages." </p><p>John tosses up his hands and yells, "damn it!" </p><p>You cautiously defend yourself, "ha... dude, maybe you should like… respect that this dude wants to remain anonymous. If it’s real, I’m sure he’d appreciate that."</p><p>"Ha… yeah… sure." John crosses his arms again. He lets out a dejected sigh, like he's hurt or something, you can't tell so you ask,</p><p>"Something going on, man? You feeling okay?"</p><p>"Well, I’ve been feeling uh... I guess better since I got those messages, but uh… hmm… I don’t know. I don’t feel like… myself lately..."</p><p>"Well, how about we go to that graffiti place and I get you a milkshake and some fried green tomatoes, and then we talk about Pokémon or some old nostalgic shit that you love until you feel better?" You offer John the time of his life.</p><p>"I’d like that." John lightly nods. You can see a smile on his face in the corner of your eye.</p><p>"And maybe you could play a prank on me or two, I’ll even pretend to be pissed."</p><p>"Eh.” John shrugs. “I’ve been feeling pranked out lately… but thanks for the offer." </p><p>You stayed silent for a few more seconds than you would have liked to, you must have some worried ass-look on your face cause now John seems stressed,</p><p>"I know! I know! But don’t worry! Soon I’ll be back to my usual cheerful, chipper self!"</p><p>"John, man… don’t feel pressured to like… push yourself to get better. That’s not gonna help you, you need to have some patience with yourself like you have patience with us."</p><p>"Hmm… okay… I’ll try…" John is calm for a few moments before he scoffs again,</p><p>"I just can’t believe that Karkat really thought we were going to five guys, he knows I have a peanut allergy!"</p><p>"Ha." You laugh along as John changes the subject and starts talking about how excited he is to grab burgers. You can't help but feel a stinging in your chest, you know that he's just pretending to be cheerful and chipper for your sake.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You watch John as he stuffs his burger full of fries. You try your best not to swoon when he tries to take a huge bite out of the burger but only manages to break off a tiny little bite. He’s so cute with those buckteeth of his, like a tiny little rabbit eating a huge carrot. </p><p>John keeps talking as he chews, shit you should probably listen.</p><p>“-weaker villain of the series -but his theme fucking rocks.”</p><p>“Damn, forgot how that went.” You say.</p><p>“It was like bumbumbumbum!” John puts down his burger as he starts imitating drum beats to tell you how it goes.</p><p>You lightly laugh and gently toss your hair.</p><p>John gives you a scoff and you look at him with a confused half smile.</p><p>“Ugh! How are you <em>single</em>!?" John gestures his hand towards you, "you know you could probably get any guy you wanted if you tried!”</p><p>“Wha… what makes you say that?” You ask him.</p><p>John starts counting on his fingers as he lists off,</p><p>“You are super chill!”</p><p>Cause you don’t wanna come off as desperate.</p><p>“You flip your hair all the time!”</p><p>Something you only do to impress him.</p><p>“You are so laid back and cool!”</p><p>Cause you try really hard to seem casual.</p><p>“You’re so funny!”</p><p>Not true at all, John’s the funny one here.</p><p>“And you are so nice and your hair is pretty and your smile is so handsome!” John plays with your hair and then pokes your cheek. “It’s such bullshit that you’ve never dated a guy before! It’s not even that hard to talk to boys!”</p><p>“It is if you want to date them.” You defend yourself.</p><p>“Ha!” John laughs at you, before he can make his point you ask, </p><p>“Do you ever talk to girls?”</p><p>“A different animal all together, Dave.” John tells you.</p><p>“Okay…? How so…?” You ask him.</p><p>“Women are so intimidating! You never know what they are thinking! Dudes are very upfront!-“ then all of a sudden John spots something.</p><p>“Oh look! Look! Look! Look!” John points over at the bar counter… wait no, past that and over to the hostess stand.</p><p>“Hmm? Look at what?” You ask as you try to… oh… it’s a tall, dark, handsome stranger. <em>‘Nice.’</em></p><p>“That boy is cute!” John started bouncing up and down in his seat.</p><p>“Uh… yeah…?” You feel your body tense up and shake. </p><p>“You should go talk to him! Practice!” John is trying to get you go over there. </p><p>You're giving John pleading eyes behind your shades. You don’t want to leave the table right now. John’s being cute... and also he’s still the love of your life.</p><p>John groans and sighs, “I promise it will be easy! Just try it out, be nice and polite and maybe take off your shades at some point, <em>show him your pretty eyes.”</em></p><p>“Nah, John. He doesn’t even look like my type so-“</p><p>“You can’t be picky! You have to try all the foods to know what you really like and you’ve never sampled <em>any</em> platter! So no excuses! Go! Go! Go!” John's gesturing for you to run over to him. What does he expect!? You run full speed into the man?</p><p>You shake your head, “nah, man… my fries are already starting to get cold.” That’s a damn good reason to stay.</p><p>“Hmmm! Fine!” John groaned. He sat up and gave you a smile for a meal and a wink for the side. “I’ll show you how easy it is!”</p><p>The man was waiting for a hostess at the stand by the bar still. John walked up to him and lifted up his hand to greet the stranger.</p><p>John made conversation and lightly tapped the guys chest a few times… looks like he’s really flirting. The guy looked John up and down. You don't like the way the guys smirking at John's appearance. Fucker looks like he's laughing at the offer. The stranger shook his head no at John. Looks like he was rejecting him. </p><p>John laughs and the guy starts laughing even harder than John. John points over towards your table. Your eyes widen, you feel a panic corse through you. You pretend like you were just chilling when the stranger looks over at you. You lift up your head and awkwardly give the guy a chill nod. The dude is still looking at you as he asks John something.</p><p>John seems confident with his answer as he nods his head once. The guy asks another question. John answers again, you don’t know what they are talking about but you hope he doesn’t say shit about the two of you already looking like an item.</p><p>The guy looks back at John and then back at you one last time. He asks John another question. John answers while he gives you a thumbs up. The guy shakes his head and tells John something that looks like no. John pats his shoulder and smiles at the guy as he turns to walk away. John’s walking towards you as he waves him goodbye- “It’ll make at least a good story to tell your friends when they get here! Bye bye!”</p><p>John sits down and smiles at you, </p><p>“Sooo… he wasn’t interested in <em>me, but</em> when I said I was actually just proving to you how easy it is to talk to cute boys, he looked like he wanted to turn you into a vertical pretzel.”</p><p>“Ohhh…” You take another bite of fries just so you don't have to reply.</p><p>“Then… he asked if you were a top and I said you’re the other thing, <em>-buuuut,</em> you wouldn’t mind doing whatever if the guy was nice! Then he said no cause he’s already dating someone… But still! He thought you were a cutie and he liked that you’re shy. He said it’s actually attractive to see a guy who looks so hot be so sheepish over a cute boy! He said he considered cheating for you! That’s really something!”</p><p>You swallow down your fries and stutter, “Oh- okay… well… glad he didn’t... uh- you know... give you his number or something to give to me, cause to be real, I don’t think I can take knowing I’m like the other guy.”</p><p>“Awww… yeah, no! He looked like he knew you deserved better than that anyway!" Suddenly John changes tone like he's shifting gears, "Hmmm, but then he said something weird.”</p><p>“What he tell you?” You take a small bite of fries and chew as John says,</p><p>“He said he was jealous of my looks…?”</p><p>“Oh. Ha." You nod. "Yeah, John you’re actually… uh... you know.”</p><p>“A twink?” John narrowed his eyes, he looks annoyed at the thought.</p><p>You take your burger in your hands as you nod your head and answer, "yep."</p><p>“Ughhhh!” John groans, “you know, when I told him I was straight he laughed at me!”</p><p>“Ha. Well, you don’t really look the part to be honest.”</p><p>“And he thought you were straight!?” John rolls his eyes and huffs. “I guess you need to try to be shorter and maybe get a pair of big dork glasses! Then guys will definitely be all over you.”</p><p>“Ha. Kay.” Like you can believe that. You just go back to asking John, "<em>soooo</em>.... who do you think is the best team then?"</p><p>"Oh! That's such a loaded question!" John starts ranting about pokemon like nothing ever happened. You don't know how John can just randomly decided to start flirting with a stranger with a sweet little grin on his face and then go right back to being one of the biggest nerds you’ve ever known... but then again, that's just the guy’s style. </p><p>Damn though, he's hard not to love.</p><p>. . . </p><p>On the way back, John was in your face about it being his turn to drive, you tried to tell him that you had no problem with driving back home but he stuck out his tongue at you and told you that fair is fair and he knows you always rush home to get to your shitter. You'll be like... driving like 50 in a 30 cause you don't play away games. John knows you so well. You can't shit unless it's in your own private, humble domain and you’ll rush home to do it.</p><p>You're resting in the passenger's seat when your phone buzzes. You drag it out of your jacket pocket and see a notification from Rose.</p><hr/><p class="rose">So, I just heard from a certain someone that you finally got around to confessing to a certain friend of ours.</p><p class="dave">who the fuck told you that?</p><p class="rose">John messaged me something cryptic a while ago. Then he didn’t reply to my messages, as usual...</p><p class="rose">So I asked Sollux about it.</p><p class="rose">And here we are.</p><p class="dave">you know</p><p class="dave">id really fucking prefer that you all dont fuckin spread this shit around</p><p class="dave">like</p><p class="dave">ask me first instead of some third party</p><p class="dave">Rose?</p><p class="rose">My apologies. I was simply copying the messages that transpired between me and Captor for you, so you may see the lengths that I went to in order to learn of your current situation.</p><p class="dave">huh?</p><p class="rose">I'm hoping that you take pity on me, instead of scold me.</p><p class="dave">okaaay?</p><p class="rose">Hello, captor.</p><p class="sollux">Sup.</p><p class="rose">Thank you for the timely response, it can be difficult to get one out of some of our friends.</p><p class="rose">Strider being the first one that comes to mind.</p><hr/><p><em>'Shit.'</em> You must have missed one of her messages and she must have gotten impatient. But, how are you supposed to drag yourself away from John when he seems so excited about video games and cute boys?</p><hr/><p class="sollux">huh? strider?</p><p class="sollux">you need to be specific... you mean the one with a butthole sweeter than apple pie?</p><p class="rose">If that’s how you choose to refer to Dave, then yes, that’s the one.</p><p class="rose">And I’d beseech you to not refer to him with such colorful terminology so long as we are speaking with each other.</p><p class="sollux">oh, don’t get me started on dave’s hole!</p><p class="rose">I’m not trying to. I have a different question about Dave to ask you.</p><p class="sollux">wanna talk about his thighs? mmhhmm.</p><p class="sollux">would jack off on.</p><p class="sollux">10 out of 10</p><p class="sollux">wait.</p><p class="sollux">actually egbert's are hotter...</p><p class="sollux">9 out of 10</p><p class="rose">Captor. Focus.</p><p class="sollux">okay. what was the question again?</p><p class="rose">How is Dave fairing at the moment?</p><p class="sollux">you mean is he cool after like... all this shit?</p><p class="sollux">i don't know.... i'm not home atm. I don’t know how badly he fucked this up!</p><p class="rose">Wait?</p><p class="rose">What are you talking about?</p><p class="sollux">what did he tell you?</p><p class="rose">Nothing? Well, I attempted to get into contact with him but he ignored me.</p><p class="sollux">oh he might be driving, heard from kk they went to go bang five guys.</p><p class="rose">You mean eat five guys?</p><p class="sollux">hey... if they eat them all out i'm not gonna judge.</p><p class="rose">Alright. Well that explains why he's not answering my messages "atm."</p><p class="rose">But what were you talking about before?</p><p class="sollux">oh you mean what "all this shit" means?</p><p class="rose">Yes...? What were you referring to?</p><p class="sollux">okay, so first things first.</p><p class="sollux">dave finally confessed.</p><p class="rose">I...</p><p class="rose">My Lord.</p><p class="sollux">right?</p><p class="rose">Is he doing okay?</p><p class="sollux">i mean, he's not broken... yet.</p><p class="sollux">but like... is dave ever really okay?</p><p class="rose">Captor.</p><p class="rose">You're honestly telling me that Dave, our Dave... confessed his love to Egbert?</p><p class="sollux">uhhh...</p><p class="sollux">yeah?</p><p class="rose">Honestly?</p><p class="sollux">yes.</p><p class="rose">That's all I need to know.</p><p class="sollux">rose?</p><p class="sollux">lalonde?</p><p class="sollux">roose?</p><p class="sollux">rooooooose?</p><p class="sollux">you still there?</p><hr/><p>You do your best not to groan. She must have just heard the news and then came running to talk to you. That or... maybe someone else with how much time passed between her last message to you before this.</p><hr/><p class="rose">So.</p><p class="rose">Care to inform me why you didn't tell me about this when it happened?</p><p class="dave">rose</p><p class="dave">come on</p><p class="dave">i've been fucked up lately</p><p class="rose">Fucked up enough to use an apostrophe?</p><p class="dave">okay.</p><p class="dave">listen.</p><p class="dave">ive been messaging john in "secret"</p><p class="dave">like under an anon username</p><p class="dave">i dont want him knowing that i messaged him</p><p class="dave">id rather you all not talk to john about it at all</p><p class="rose">Then I shall inform Roxy to not say anything to John directly.</p><p class="dave">what?</p><p class="dave">did you fucking tell her!?</p><p class="rose">She is my sister, Dave.</p><p class="rose">I'm obligated to tell her everything about my life and every horrible bit of gossip I know.</p><p class="dave">don't you give me that shit</p><p class="rose">Does Dirk not inform you of all of the shameful things in his life?</p><p class="rose">And all of the gossip surronding John?</p><p class="dave">my bro is fucked up in the head and you know it</p><p class="dave">you two are just gossiping about shit cause you think its funny</p><p class="rose">I certainly don't find any humor in seeing you honestly suffer.</p><p class="rose">Dave.</p><p class="rose">I understand how important this is to you.</p><p class="rose">I also understand that my sister is...</p><p class="rose">Quite... excentric.</p><p class="rose">If I have a heart to heart with her, she'll understand.</p><p class="rose">I ask you, not to speak with her though.</p><p class="rose">She will atempt to sway you into confessing.</p><p class="rose">I will deal with her on your behalf.</p><p class="rose">And you can continue to message John... as is your plan I'm assumeing?</p><p class="dave">yep</p><p class="rose">Wonderful.</p><p class="rose">Well... I shall go speak with my sister.</p><p class="rose">I wish you the best, Dave.</p><p class="rose">I truly do.</p><p class="dave">thanks rose</p><p class="dave">just</p><p class="dave">don't do that shit again</p><p class="rose">You mean gossip?</p><p class="dave">i mean run screaming with news that i told egbert i wanna fuck him to anyone like your sister like a paperboy telling the town the president just got shot in a theatre or some shit</p><p class="rose">I promise I will not live out that... simile?</p><p class="dave">thanks bitch</p><p class="rose">You're welcome, whore.</p><p class="rose">And... Best of luck on the Egbert front.</p><p class="dave">right</p><p class="dave">bye</p><hr/><p>You put down your phone and as soon as you do,</p><p>"Who was it, dear?"</p><p>John just fucking joked around like you two are married and he wants to know who was at the door.</p><p>You struggle to not clutch your heart.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>You want to get over him... you want to just be his friend...</p><p>This is going to be harder than you thought. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. a fresh start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Here’s your burg!" You rushed up the stairs to gift Karkat his food. You got him his favorite <em>and </em>you were so nice to the servet she gave you free chipotle mayo sauce on the side. You saved the mayo for your favorite sniffly guy.</p><p>After you handed the bag to Karkat, you gave his sweaty forehead a little kissy. Dave walked up behind you to watch you try to get Karkat to do something healthy for once. Karkat's looking at you and at Dave, and yep... wouldn't you know it, first thing you gotta do is convince Karkat to do something healthy.</p><p>"WHERE’S THE SODA?" Karkats looking up at you like you're a idiot, someone forgot to take his grumpy medicine this morning! </p><p>"Uhhhhh… you get none!" You put your hands on your hips and tell him, "you gotta drink water or soup or tea and that's it!"</p><p>"TEA? YOU WANT ME TO DRINK TEA?" Karkat seems insulted. Well he has to get better so he can get over it!</p><p>"Yep. It’ll soothe your throat, and soda is really really bad for you!" You pout at him.</p><p>"AH! FUCK OFF. I'M ALREADY FEELING-" Karkat starts hacking right away.<em> 'Aww...'</em></p><p>"Ha. Nope." You shake your head as he coughs, "I’m gonna make you some herbal tea and... put <strong>some </strong>some sugar in it." You make a compromise. </p><p>Karkat shoots yo<em>u a look after he's done with his coughing fit, "THAT'S STILL NOT SWEET ENOUGH FOR ME." </em></p><p>
  <em> You sing to him, "what if I tell you I'm gonna make it with lots of looove!?" </em>
</p><p>"HMMM…" Karkat give you a little hmpt like he doesn't wanna hear it.</p><p>You lift up your tense shoulders as you ask, "....and a spoonful of honey?" </p><p>He budges, "OKAY."</p><p>. . .</p><p>You made Karkat is tea, and he only really sips on it a little. You encourage him to sip some more but he’s struggling to eat his burger through all his cough fits. <em>'Poor baby.'</em></p><p>You decided to settle down with Dave on the couch next to the couch with Karkat's<em> nest</em> spilling off of it, blankets and tissues are covering up all of Karkat's couch. Plus, Karkat's been hacking so much... you might just go out and buy some ice cream for his throat, it's got milk in it anyway. You're sure if you get a low sugar version he won't notice. He can't read. </p><p>You smile and snuggle close to Dave on the couch. You nuzzle up the top of your head to Dave's neck. You're resting your head on his pec and he's sitting as cool and as casual as he can. Ugh! He's such a cool guy! You sigh. You always wanted to come off so chill and so cool. Then... maybe girls would like you. </p><p>Oh. All of a sudden you hear a ding from your phone. You drag it out and tell Dave, "it's a message from, Roxy!"</p><p>"Oh... you okay, man?" Dave seems concerned, and for no reason too. He looks like he's sweating a bit.</p><p>"Of course, after thinking about those messages my <em>secret admirer </em>has been sending me, I feel like Roxy and I should just get the awkward conversation of <em>hey we're still buds </em>out of the way and then jump right back on the friendship train." You smile as you pretend to tug at a train horn. Then you sheepishly look down at your knees and ask, "just uh... please don't read over my shoulder, okay?"</p><p>"Wouldn't dream of it." Dave tells you.</p><p><em>'Such a sweetheart.' </em>You take a deep breath and snuggle up closer to him as you read the message Roxy sent you.</p><hr/><p class="roxy">Jooohn!</p><p class="roxy">John!</p><p class="john">hi yeah, roxy!</p><p class="roxy">AHHH!</p><p class="roxy">OK OK OK OK OK!!!</p><p class="roxy">first things first!</p><p class="roxy">i heard that someone finally confeeesseed!!!</p><p class="roxy">and apparently</p><p class="roxy">you liked his big speal about how much he always wuv you!!!</p><p class="john">wait what?</p><p class="roxy">yeahhhhhhhh</p><p class="roxy">you thought you could hide it</p><p class="roxy">well i got news for you!</p><p class="roxy">word travels fast in the nerdsphere!</p><p class="roxy">and i just i heard the big news from my sissy!</p><p class="roxy">i mean i kinda skimmed the message once i got done with my work</p><p class="roxy">and then she started messaging me again...</p><p class="roxy">probs about how i shouldant IM you</p><p class="roxy">but eff dat!</p><p class="john">why would Rose not want you to message me?</p><p class="roxy">probs cause she doesnt know 100 percent what your reaction was yet</p><p class="roxy">but hey</p><p class="roxy">im sure you jumped on that train the moment the doors slide open</p><p class="roxy">like youd be a fucking dumb sexy bootybutt if you didnt johnnyboy</p><p class="john">what?</p><p class="john">hold on?</p><p class="john">are you in on the joke?</p><p class="roxy">joke???</p><p class="roxy">Whattyamean?</p><hr/><p>You explain to Roxy how you think everything is just a prank, how much it's helped you realize certain things about yourself. </p><hr/><p class="roxy">no honey</p><p class="roxy">he's like you for years and years and years</p><p class="roxy">and then more years</p><p class="roxy">and well...</p><p class="roxy">if hes anon then immagonna respect that</p><p class="roxy">but im just happy hes finally talking to you about how he feels</p><p class="roxy">and im happy that youre listening</p><p class="roxy">he probably wants you to think its a joke thou</p><p class="roxy">but thats freaken Bee S</p><p class="roxy">i dont know if thats really gonna make it easier on him or on you</p><p class="roxy">and if it was a prank</p><p class="roxy">THAN IT WOULD B A DICK THING TA DO!!!</p><p class="john">no no... it's the wake up call i needed</p><p class="roxy">wake up call?</p><p class="john">yeah like... i really needed to hear everything that i thought i wanted and hear how kinda ridiculous it is</p><p class="roxy">why is it redicioulous to have someone love you that much?</p><p class="john">cause uh... i'm me?</p><p class="roxy">yeah?</p><p class="roxy">you mean the super kind super sweet super cute john eggbert?</p><p class="john">okay well that's not everything people look for in a partner</p><p class="roxy">OHHHH HOHOHOHO</p><p class="roxy">so you dont get that youre</p><p class="roxy">cute and and like really kinda hot</p><p class="roxy">like whenever i see you in person im like</p><p class="roxy">that guy is so totes fuckable</p><p class="roxy">i want his dick in my mouth pronto</p><p class="roxy">no joke</p><p class="john">sounds like a joke rox</p><p class="roxy">no</p><p class="roxy">i said no joke</p><p class="roxy">and to be really real</p><p class="roxy">i always thought you were a peach</p><p class="roxy">a catch</p><p class="roxy">a cutie </p><p class="roxy">like theres always more fish in the sea</p><p class="roxy">but youre the big fish</p><p class="roxy">the one that got away</p><p class="roxy">sigh</p><p class="roxy">but hey!!!</p><p class="roxy">i dont wanna get in the way of real love </p><p class="roxy">this dudes been all over you for forever </p><p class="roxy">and i made a promise to him adn to myself never to take a ride on the egbert stick</p><p class="roxy">i cant violate that sacred pact</p><p class="roxy">no matter how much i wanted to say yes to you</p><p class="roxy">for real</p><p class="roxy">in all honesty</p><p class="roxy">i</p><p class="roxy">i always wanted to be with you</p><p class="roxy">youre just so kind and youre always looking out for everyone</p><p class="roxy">i STILL have this mad crush on you</p><p class="roxy">like straight up angry</p><p class="roxy">i had to beat my own heart up and fight it off cause it was screaming at me to just betray the guy that shall not be named</p><p class="roxy">i wanted to say yes sooooo BAS</p><p class="roxy">*BAD</p><p class="roxy">but i cant live with the guilt</p><p class="roxy">all the other gorls feel the same too</p><p class="roxy">they all think your cute</p><p class="roxy">to like different degrees</p><p class="roxy">im egberts number 2 fan</p><p class="roxy">like to the point i wanna make a t shirts for me and "future mr egbert"</p><p class="roxy">he can get numbar one and ill rock number two and we can walk about dinsye worl in them things</p><p class="roxy">uhhh</p><p class="roxy">if you are lucky enough to be bi that is</p><p class="john">wow...</p><p class="john">now i know this is a joke.</p><p class="roxy">no honey</p><p class="roxy">its not</p><p class="roxy">i wouldnt do something so meand like beat you while youre down</p><p class="roxy">you know me</p><p class="roxy">i wouldnt kick sand in your face after i tear down your castle</p><p class="john">I...</p><p class="john">I... guess...</p><p class="roxy">and i know how sad you felt when i rejected you</p><p class="roxy">i knew i tore your heart out and i felt like fucking slapping myself silly for it cause i DO like you!</p><p class="roxy">so tell me</p><p class="roxy">why would i turn around and rub salt in your wounds?</p><p class="roxy">why would i prank you like this?</p><p class="roxy">whyd i joke about my OWN feelings for you?</p><p class="roxy">who the fuck would do that???</p><p class="roxy">and why would it be FUNNY to you?</p><p class="roxy">and you know that girls like you</p><p class="roxy">dont even kid yourself!</p><p class="roxy">hell</p><p class="roxy">Remeber when virska was trying to cyber fuck you???</p><p class="roxy">amd you told her to fucj off cause she’s a bully?</p><p class="john">she still picks on tav!</p><p class="roxy">but!</p><p class="roxy">shes haot</p><p class="roxy">and she liked you</p><p class="roxy">a HTO girl liked you</p><p class="roxy">and told you that she wanted to sext you to your face!!!</p><p class="roxy">well... metaphorically it was over a chat thing...</p><p class="roxy">and you said no...</p><p class="john">that was back when we were kids rox</p><p class="john">and she didn't offer to "sext" me.</p><p class="john">she wanted to date me and offered up like pics of herself</p><p class="john">which she was so rude to everyone but me so of course i said no</p><p class="john">and... i doubt she still likes me like THAT.</p><p class="john">were all older and different...</p><p class="john">so...</p><p class="roxy">john</p><p class="roxy">whatever youre typing stap it</p><p class="john">i was just gonna say that im like</p><p class="john">a big dork and its not cute now that im older and wizer</p><p class="roxy">jahn</p><p class="roxy">were all nerds</p><p class="roxy">cept for feferi she quit</p><p class="roxy">but honey</p><p class="roxy">youre king of the nerds from how hawt you are</p><p class="roxy">and also bascially a twank</p><p class="roxy">even in your "OLD" age</p><p class="roxy">(which is bs IM OLDER THAN YOU!!)</p><p class="roxy">but mang</p><p class="roxy">i know how you feel</p><p class="roxy">yall feel like you dont get out much</p><p class="roxy">or meet cute girls that often</p><p class="roxy">so your dating pool is limited to the girls you know online</p><p class="roxy">i feel the same way</p><p class="roxy">i dont get out unless its to have drinks</p><p class="roxy">and all the guys tat stroll up to me wanna just have some nookie and cookie</p><p class="roxy">and not there for that</p><p class="roxy">i wanna reall boyfriend</p><p class="roxy">someone that is like the NON DISCLOSED to my john</p><p class="roxy">someone that loves me and doesnt just wanna snack on my butthole</p><p class="john">HAHAHA!</p><p class="roxy">i knew that would make you laugh</p><p class="roxy">:)</p><p class="roxy">but yeah</p><p class="roxy">i feel the same</p><p class="roxy">i never meet any good guys</p><p class="john">Ha!</p><p class="john">have YOU seen yourself?!</p><p class="john">roxy... you could get any guy that you want</p><p class="roxy">like i said</p><p class="roxy">i dont get out much</p><p class="roxy">and i dont branch out to meet any dudes</p><p class="roxy">and i dont talk to them long enough for them to find out im actually supes smart</p><p class="roxy">and not just a blonde bimbo</p><p class="john">youre not a blonde bimbo! if anyone makes you feel that way they are idiots and not worth the energy to even think about!</p><p class="roxy">see</p><p class="roxy">thats what i mean</p><p class="roxy">you say stuff like that at random</p><p class="roxy">and it makes my heart do backflips</p><p class="roxy">the judges give their scores too</p><p class="roxy">10s across the isle</p><p class="roxy">or table</p><p class="roxy">or whatever the fuck its called</p><p class="roxy">but like... my hearts been training its whole life too for the love olymipcs</p><p class="roxy">its like...</p><p class="roxy">i still know my hearts in another place...</p><p class="roxy">its hard to get over someone sometimes when you fall hard enough</p><p class="roxy">and this guy who messaged you</p><p class="roxy">he fell so hard for you that i couldnt say yes cauz</p><p class="roxy">like</p><p class="roxy">he picked a ticket</p><p class="roxy">he's first in line</p><p class="roxy">all the rest of us are just waiting on him to fuckin move!!!</p><p class="roxy">but he doesnt wanna cause you make him so nervous and sweaty!!!</p><p class="roxy">which blows</p><p class="roxy">cause i wanna see you both happy</p><p class="roxy">you both deserve it</p><p class="roxy">you both earned love</p><p class="roxy">and like...</p><p class="roxy">i think youre only other guy i ever felt anything for other than... my favorite dude</p><p class="roxy">and im sorry to say sweetpea</p><p class="roxy">but i envy you</p><p class="roxy">if i had someone who loved me that deeply</p><p class="roxy">i think id give them a chance and put my dirk addiction aside</p><p class="roxy">you could just hang up your "DO I LIKE DUDES OR NOT" coat on the door and walk into the chatroom</p><p class="roxy">all like ready to date...</p><p class="roxy">and then again...</p><p class="roxy">you might end up stringing him along and hurting him more if you relized that you only like girls and could never like cute boys</p><p class="roxy">but when you think of it</p><p class="roxy">youre kinda given a gift too you know</p><p class="roxy">you dont know who this boy is!</p><p class="roxy">you only get to see his feelings for you and respond to that</p><p class="roxy">and he doesnt HAVE to know that youre considering being with him</p><p class="roxy">you can keep that to yourself</p><p class="roxy">like he doesnt even have to know that you two are dating</p><p class="john">i dont know...</p><p class="roxy">i just suggest that you try</p><p class="roxy">and also tray not to hurt him</p><p class="john">well of course not!</p><p class="john">i dont wanna hurt anyone, let alone one of my buds...</p><p class="john">i just...</p><p class="john">roxy?</p><p class="roxy">yeah?</p><p class="john">you're being real with me...</p><p class="john">it's...</p><p class="john">it's not a joke?</p><p class="roxy">give me one good reason to lie?</p><p class="john">uh...</p><p class="roxy">you think i would really lie about how i feel about you?</p><p class="roxy">about how one of your friends feels about you?</p><p class="roxy">john..</p><p class="roxy">it is real.</p><p class="john">Oh...</p><p>"Oh god..."</p><p>. . .</p><p>You've been sitting next to Dave since you closed up your conversation with Roxy.</p><p>You've just been staring blankly at the screen ahead of you.</p><p>Your eyes go back into focus and you can see the girl on screen holding her phone and crying for some reason.</p><p>You look over at Karkat and he seems moved. You turn towards Dave and... he's on his phone.</p><p>You almost feel like laughing at the juxtaposition in front of you. Karkat has tears in his eyes and Dave doesn't even care enough to look up from his phone. </p><p>You lay your head down onto Dave's chest, instantly he wraps his arm around you and turned closer to you.</p><p>Then all of a sudden, Dave coughs. </p><p>You snap out of your trance.</p><p>
  <em>'Oh no! Is Dave starting to get sick too?'</em>
</p><p>You lift your hand up and feel his forehead.</p><p>It doesn't feel too hot but now he just sniffled.</p><p>"That's it!" You stand up and grab onto Dave's wrist. "It's bed time for you."</p><p>"John, it's like eight."</p><p>"Nope! You gotta get some sleep before your chest gets all tight." You gesture towards Karkat sitting on the couch to your side, "look at how bad Karkat is! He can't even eat his burg!"</p><p>"John-"</p><p>You cut off Dave right away, “don’t you<em> John</em> me! You’re gonna take a shower, get all clean wear some fresh PJ’s go to bed and then I’ll make you a glass of AJ to go to bed with."</p><p>Dave reluctantly gives in and sighs. He marches right up the steps, just like you asked him too to go get all washed up for bed. You turn towards Karkat and offer to pack up the rest of his burger for him.</p><p>"FUCK NO." Karkat shields his burger from you. "I'M STILL EATING!"</p><p>You stare at him for a moment. He's got tissues stuck in his nose and he's sweating like nuts. </p><p>You move closer to him and sit down next to him, right on top of his pile of messy sheets.</p><p>Karkat's looking at you like he doesn't know what you're about to say.</p><p>You open your mouth and sigh. You slightly shake your head back and forth.</p><p>You lift up your hands and brush his bangs out of his face.</p><p>You softly smile at him.</p><p>He's one of your three favorite people and he's hurting right now.</p><p>Karkat's sick and Dave's getting ill too. You're worried about Sollux, and he never calls... but for some reason right now you feel... peaceful. You guess you should feel worried about everything going on in your life like you usually do, but right now you feel in your heart something new. Like a fresh start.</p><p>Karkat's looking at you like he's trying to piece together what's wrong.</p><p>You don't need to tell him that you're aware that your secret admirer is for real.</p><p>You press your lips against his forehead and give him a goodnight kiss before you offer if he needs anything else before you go to bed. </p><p>. . . </p><p>You knock on Dave's door with a glass of AJ in hand in your PJs, when you heard Dave get out of the shower you grabbed the glass and head upstairs. You ask Dave as you open the door, "you in bed now?"</p><p>Dave's looking down at his phone, he locks his screen and tells you, "uh… just checking a few things."</p><p>"Come on, you need rest." You walk over to Dave and place the glass on his nightstand.</p><p>Dave sighs and nods. He wipes his colorless bangs from his forehead and takes off his shades.</p><p>You take his shades and his phone for him and place them next to the glass.</p><p>You lift up Dave's sheets and settle Dave down on his bed and tuck him in.</p><p>You ask him as softly as you can, "you gonna be okay?"</p><p>"Yeah." Dave nods.</p><p>"You sure you don’t need anything...?" You ask, just to be sure.</p><p>"No man, I’m solid." Dave's lids are heavy, he looks tired. </p><p>"I can make you a glass of water if you want… or..."</p><p>"John. You only came in here and asked that shit cause you just wanna share my bed tonight. So just come here." Dave lifts up the sheets and invites you in to cuddle with him.</p><p>"So… it’s cool if we <em>bro-snuggle</em>?" You meekly ask. </p><p>"Dude, I’m always down for a cuddle with my best homie." Dave almost says that like it's sacrastic, but you know he really means it.</p><p>You slowly slip into bed right next to Dave and snuggle your head into his neck.</p><p>You shut your eyes and drift off to sleep.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Not even three hours into sleep, Dave wakes you up with a cough.</p><p>"My poor baby." You held your hand over your heart as you snuck into your own room. </p><p>You make sure to grab more than a few blankies to stack on top of Dave. Afterwards, you tuck him in.</p><p>Dave coughs again. His nose is running. You hurry into his bathroom and grab a box of tissues from under his messy sink. You hold about three tissues up to his nose and tell him to blow.</p><p>"Awww look at you, all sniffles!"</p><p>Dave sounds miserable. He can't do anything but cough and sniffle.</p><p>You tell him to sip up and you help him drink his AJ. He gulped the entire thing down in no time at all and complained, "ah- I can hardly taste it." </p><p>"Aw no." You frown at him. "You poor thing!" </p><p>Dave coughs into his fist again and then he asks you, "uh... dude, is it too much to ask you to grab me some-" Dave starts hacking up a storm.<em> 'Poor fella!'</em></p><p>You give him a little quick kiss on his sweaty sticky forehead.</p><p>Dave lightly groans and then hacks again. </p><p>“I’ll be right back with more apple juice, I swear!” You're guessing that's what he wants, you're gonna bring him every drink in the kitchen regardless, you're gonna make sure he drinks as much as his body will let him, that and you need to force some more water down Karkat's throat too. </p><p>You hurry down stairs and check up on Karkat. He’s having a sneezing fit and the place is even more of a mess than when you left! Tissues and old RedBull cans everywhere! Those weren’t even his! Those were Captor's! You huff out a sigh as you scuttle your butt over and grab a plastic bag to use as a trash can. You make sure to use your favorite magazine to push all of the tissues into the bin and then ask Karkat if he needs anything.</p><p>You hear footsteps coming from downstairs. You clutch your magazine in your hand and bend it.</p><p>You told Dave to wait for you upstairs and he got out of bed!?! You’re gonna kill him!</p><p>"Dave! No!" You shout at him before he's even in sight, "I can get you anything you want! You stay upstairs!"</p><p>Dave peaks down as he walks down the steps, "I’m just-" </p><p>"Nope! Don't wanna hear it!" You point the magazine up towards the third floor. You want him up their and in bed!</p><p>Dave coughs into his hand and then picks up where he left off, "moving to to the-" </p><p>Seems like Dave's going to his usual spot, you won't let him!</p><p>"Don’t move to the couch!" You lift up your magazine like you're ready to hit him.</p><p>"Why not… wouldn’t it be easier-" Dave starts hacking again.</p><p>"You go upstairs!" You tell your dumb best friend. </p><p>"John- I-"</p><p>"No! I’ll be upstairs to snuggle with you in a moment!" You keep trashing your magazine around as you talk, "and I’ll bring you your damn apple juice! You can wait!"</p><p>"John, you’re gonna get sick, man if you snu-"</p><p>You growl at him, <strong>"<em>I</em> need my cuddle time."</strong></p><p>"Oh… okay..." Dave nods. "But uh... I wanted some RedBull."</p><p>Karkat opens his mouth and then starts hacking. Looks like someone just drank it all.</p><p>Great. You're gonna have to do a food run tomorrow. </p><p>. . . </p><p>"Hmm." You snuggle up to Dave's neck even closer.</p><p>"John." Dave lets out a small cough.</p><p>The two of you are under his covers, he's so hot to the touch and he's sweating. You're gonna wash his sheets for him later, you wanna sleep in here again tomorrow, the damn man has the best bed in the house. It's so big and comfy, not only that but you're best friend's always been so snuggly. I helps put your mind at ease... and you really need that right now.</p><p>You take in a deep breath as you open your eyes and look down.</p><p>You were so certain it was all just a joke that someone was telling just to kinda tease you in a way, you didn't think it was mean spirited. You thought of it more as someone showing you everything you thought you wanted and proving that it was stupid. Rose does that sarcasm thing all the time, like when you told her that you really wanted to go out and party like she and Roxy used to, but you're way too shy for that, Rose replied <em>"oh, it's so horrible that you're missing out on getting blackout drunk and waking up in a pool of drool and vomit on some random person's couch." </em>And she was completely right! You didn't need that. And you didn't think you needed someone basically worshiping you after you got those anonymous messages... but now... you don't know how to feel.</p><p>You do know this though, when you're in Dave's arms you feel so much safer. You always did, but you know this is just a friendly thing between the two of you. You miss your dad and you need some attention and Dave never really got love like this from either of his bros. You just assume this is like a tit-for-tat kinda thing... but now that you're thinking about how someone in the house must have been the one to send you those messages... and that it's real... maybe this isn't as friendly as you originally thought. When you laid down with Dave today, you were thinking about all the times the two of you just snuggled and cuddled for the sake of human contact. Now, you're not really sure what you're feeling... but... it feels different now. </p><p>"Hey... John?" Dave's asking for your attention.</p><p>You lift your head and drag your eyes up to his scarlet ones. </p><p>"Are you feeling okay?" Dave sounds concerned.</p><p>"I'm good." You say.</p><p>"Alright... I just don't want you to get sick."</p><p>"I need my bro time, Dave." You at least need more time to figure out how you feel about <em>this.</em></p><p>"Okay." Dave takes in a deep breath and sighs, "...but if you get sick, don’t blame me."</p><p>"I’ll blame Karkat." You joke.</p><p>"Fair." Dave nods. "But uh... can I get up for one sec?"</p><p>"Nah." You deny him. You wanna figure this thing out. </p><p>"I gotta take a piss, man."</p><p>"Ah, okay. Nevermind, get up." You let go of him and right away, he laughs. </p><p>. . . </p><p>Once morning rolled around, you told Dave to take a shower while you took off his sheets and then after you guided a sick, sad Dave to the couch. You cleaned up after your messiest roommate and then gave the two of them a kiss before running off to the store.</p><p>Once you got back you got right to work and wouldn't you know it, making breakfast for the two of them really helped clear you mind. You feel refreshed. </p><p>"Okay!" You carry in your hand two trays for the both of them, "I made you both some fruit slices! Karkat’s got a sour stomach, so I made him eat eggs and white rice! I made you some too Dave! Eat it up! It's good for you!"</p><p>The two of them take the trays and Karkat mumbles out a thank you, Dave gets right to digging in and then he gives you a smile. He doesn't smile like <strong>that</strong> for nothing! You know you did right! And that's the best thank you he could have ever given you.</p><p>You give them both a huge grin as you tell them, "you need to take these vitamins and medicine right after you eat. And I’ll tell you what I told Karkat the other day- if you don’t drink all the tea and water and stuff I’m gonna kick your butt!”</p><p>Dave gives you a little laugh.</p><p>You walk over and kiss Dave's forehead. Before you even pull away Dave whispers,</p><p>“Sorry, you have to take care of both of us now…”</p><p>You lightly slap Dave's arm, “nah, no no no! Don’t you give me this ‘I don’t wanna be a burden’ stuff! I love you and I love taking care of you!”</p><p>You smile at Dave before you stand up straight again. Once you're back up you smile and place your hands on your hips, "now I’m gonna go make something small for myself! And when I get back we can cuddle! -but no rush!" You tell Dave, "you take all the time you need."</p><p>. . . </p><p>You're laying in Dave's bed again. It's so comfy. All you can feel is how comfy the sheets are when they're piled on top of you. Then you feel a bit of a pinch in your throat. You sit up. You groan as you wake up. You fumble around at the nightstand to check your phone for the time. Once you've got it you unlock the screen and oh!? You have some new messages! You turn over and look at Dave. He’s got his arm wrapped around your waist and the other under his pillow. He’s snuggling you so close.</p><hr/><p class="honey">hey</p><p class="honey">well looks like you’re probably asleep or something</p><p class="honey">so I’ll just tell you another small confession…</p><p class="honey">cause you seem to get a kick out of them.</p><p class="honey">alright so…</p><p class="honey">i fell for you shortly after I met you.</p><p class="honey">i won’t give you any details about when</p><p class="honey">but I can tell you why.</p><p class="honey">you were so compassionate… to everyone you met and you went out of your way to help everyone and well…</p><p class="honey">no one was really looking out for me like THAT when I was growing up.</p><p class="honey">if I had a problem or something I had to solve it on my own, but then I met you and you would refuse to let anyone tackle anything alone.</p><p class="honey">I heard that you helped tavros recently with this self esteem thing he had going on.</p><p class="honey">he said you’d always like fight off vriska for him too</p><p class="honey">and damn...</p><p class="honey">i’ve never seen anyone honestly stand up to her expect for like terezi</p><p class="honey">and well... dirk but that’s cause he's fucking nuts.</p><p class="honey">i bet you don’t even see any of our friends as like nuts or bad or like whatever either...</p><p class="honey">you just see eridan as lonely</p><p class="honey">and vriska as confused...</p><p class="honey">i bet that’s why she liked you so much</p><p class="honey">and fuck dude… she’s hot and you told her to hit the road cause you’re better than that.</p><p class="honey">you need a girl who’s like as sweet as you are. </p><p class="honey">that’s why you went for roxy right?</p><p class="honey">cause she’s nice like you… and she rejected you because of me…</p><p class="honey">sorry i keep bringing it up...</p><p class="honey">but it makes me feel like such an asshole.</p><p class="honey">like i’m hogging up your life and your time...</p><p class="honey">i'm taking away all your chances to experience life and shit</p><p class="honey">cause</p><p class="honey">i’ve always been too scared to just come out and confess to you I love you</p><p class="honey">i love you more than you could ever know</p><p class="honey">and well… shit…</p><p class="honey">you know how i said no one was ever really helping me through shit…</p><p class="honey">well… i’m starting to think that maybe I was like…</p><p class="honey">desperate to feel normal… or… whatever</p><p class="honey">and I always felt like you made me feel…</p><p class="honey">wanted</p><p class="honey">maybe I was just looking for someone to make me feel that way</p><p class="honey">and that's why i fell for you so young...</p><p class="honey">but...</p><p class="honey">maybe I don’t need you to marry me or whatever</p><p class="honey">SHIT</p><p class="honey">Ok</p><p class="honey">i shouldn’t have confessed I feel THAT strongly about you.</p><p class="honey">but fuck.</p><p class="honey">dude.</p><p class="honey">you always take care of everyone.</p><p class="honey">i heard Sollux is having a hard time and you were stern about him coming to you if he needs anything and karkat's sick and you’re taking care of him. </p><p class="honey">you always spend all your time helping others and it’s something i learned to do too.</p><p class="honey">i fell for you cause i value your compassion.</p><p class="honey">i want you so deeply and so badly… cause to me you’re just like…</p><p class="honey">like…</p><p class="honey">the like epitome of kindness.</p><p class="honey">dude you're like</p><p class="honey">the personification of doing good just cause it’s the right thing to do.</p><p class="honey">no one else is like that.</p><p class="honey">no one...</p><p class="honey">and you don’t even see it.</p><p class="honey">everyone in the world has their own friend group</p><p class="honey">and everyone in our friend group has their own friend group...</p><p class="honey">i think we all would have fallen apart if you didn’t bust your ass to be our glue.</p><p class="honey">tbh though...</p><p class="honey">roxy is busting their ass to keep jane and dirk and your cousin from tearing each other to shreds</p><p class="honey">but that’s a different conversation all together. </p><p class="honey">you always just “bust your booty” to help everyone and you’re wearing yourself out.</p><p class="honey">you stretch yourself too thin and it kinda worries me</p><p class="honey">like i think you need to slow down</p><p class="honey">but i get it</p><p class="honey">if you don't do the work you feel like no one else will </p><p class="honey">that's a lie</p><p class="honey">i'll help you if you ask.</p><p class="honey">and if you ever need to talk to anyone</p><p class="honey">i’m always down to listen.</p><p class="honey">just please.</p><p class="honey">don’t try to find out who I am.</p><p class="honey">i couldn’t take it if you realized that i'm me.</p><p class="honey">i heard…</p><p class="honey">i heard you laughed hard at my messages.</p><p class="honey">and it hurt to hear that.</p><p class="honey">but… I heard it made you feel better.</p><p class="honey">and I get it “you don’t want someone to worship you…”</p><p class="honey">i’m sorry but I can’t help it.</p><p class="honey">you make it so hard to not love you.</p><p class="honey">i’m trying to fall out of love with you, </p><p class="honey">i really am.</p><p class="honey">but god damn.</p><p class="honey">you’ve got that sweet ass smile</p><p class="honey">and those eyes.</p><p class="honey">and that way you talk.</p><p class="honey">i’m just gonna say it cause you think i’m joking anyway,</p><p class="honey">i get a fucking semi when you talk to me.</p><p class="honey">fuck</p><p class="honey">when you message me on my usual account</p><p class="honey">i get a little bit of a hard on cause I know you’re gonna say some cute shit.</p><p class="honey">and you need to talk to the group chat again.</p><p class="honey">they miss you.</p><p class="honey">we all miss you, but everyone is all hyped up cause of me confessing my love</p><p class="honey">and i’m sure they have shit they wanna tell you about that. </p><p class="honey">i don’t mind everyone telling you stories,</p><p class="honey">but they get close to telling you who I am</p><p class="honey">can you chew the fuckers out?</p><p class="honey">i wanna be a mystery. </p><p class="honey">i’m like your secret admirer.</p><p class="honey">i’m gonna just stop messaging you now cause this shit is embarrassing and I’m like sweating and shaking and shit</p><p class="honey">but it’s worth it to get you to love yourself like I wanna love you</p><hr/><p>You think you should message him something back. He deserves that.</p><hr/><p class="john">I don’t know if I can love myself like you wanna love me</p><p class="john">I’ve never tried to view myself...</p><hr/><p>You hesitate. You don't know if you should confess that you've never thought about being with a guy before, but you still kinda want this guy to think that you believe that this is a prank... you sigh as you confess something else.</p><hr/><p class="john">in a light THAT positive.</p><p class="john">i only really viewed myself as a hard worker.</p><p class="john">sure, i'll give you that...</p><p class="john">but i don't think i'm the kinda guy girls would go for</p><p class="john">or that any guy would wanna bang</p><p class="john">but this dude at this restaurant the other day</p><p class="john">he told me that he was jealous of my body</p><p class="john">cause i guess i look like a twink</p><p class="john">which i used to think the comment was like</p><p class="john">super freaking annoying!</p><p class="john">and i got it a lot from like almost everyone</p><p class="john">but i kinda see it now</p><p class="john">i see that just cause i'm not a tall muscular guy that looks cool like dave, doesn't mean i don't look good!</p><p class="john">i guess i'm just unhappy with my looks and my body</p><p class="john">but who isn't!?</p><p class="john">i always had a hard time gaining weight</p><p class="john">which some people would argue isn't much of a problem...</p><p class="john">but like</p><p class="john">i never really liked that...</p><p class="john">i was always super skinny</p><p class="john">so i would binge eat avocados and stuff like that</p><p class="john">and the fat went RIGHT TO MY THIGHS AND ASS!!!</p><p class="john">so of course some guy is gonna tell me that i have the body they're after</p><p class="john">we all kinda want something someone else has cause we think it's gonna make us happy</p><p class="john">but there's nothing wrong with how i look</p><p class="john">and if you like the way i look</p><p class="john">...or at least pretend to...</p><p class="john">then i'm gonna take that to heart!</p><p class="john">i'm gonna stop being so hard on myself about how i look!</p><p class="john">i still want muscles...</p><p class="john">i wanna go to the gym with dave and get RIPPED!</p><p class="john">but i cant even jog for ten mins without getting tired :C</p><p class="john">oh damn</p><p class="john">i'm ranting about nothing</p><p class="john">i don't know...</p><p class="john">i just...</p><p class="john">i have a lot on my mind</p><p class="john">and my two guys are sick now!</p><p class="john">so my minds on that too</p><p class="john">but i think im getting sick too...</p><p class="john">shit</p><p class="john">who's gonna take care of my baby and the grumpy one!?</p><p class="john">i get you must think that i push myself to hard</p><p class="john">but i gotta take care of others first before myself</p><p class="john">it's my nature</p><p class="john">i just wanna take care of em cause...</p><p class="john">i guess i value dave and karkat more than i value myself...</p><p class="john">i think they would hate to hear that. </p><p class="john">i should really work on myself...</p><p class="john">like on how i view myself. </p><p class="john">i need to focus on that before i can even think about getting with anyone</p><p class="john">my first lover don't need to clean up the mess that is my self esteem!</p><p class="john">i'll try to mop up the spill that is my life before anyone else can slip in it.</p><p class="john">oh look!</p><p class="john">i'm talking like dave now!</p><p class="john">but well... sollux does that too</p><p class="john">and hey!</p><p class="john">whoever you are!</p><p class="john">i think you're wonderful!</p><p class="john">i'm happy you messaged me and i don't want you to stop!</p><p class="john">i'll give it a rest on trying to find out who you are!</p><p class="john">at least for now ;)</p><p class="john">but in the future...</p><p class="john">when i find out who you are,</p><p class="john">imma gonna make you your favorite dish as a big thank you</p><p class="john">you put a few things into perspective for me</p><p class="john">and a few things... out of focus too</p><p class="john">i don't know where to start on fixing myself</p><p class="john">or my view of myself</p><p class="john">but i can try to piece that together with what you told me</p><p class="john">i think so long as i have you talking to me</p><p class="john">i can figure out just how i feel</p><p class="john">so thank you</p><p class="john">uh</p><p class="john">bye i guess</p><p class="john">oh my god i'm so awkward!</p><p class="john">all the time!</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="john">i bet you think it's cute though!</p><p class="john">:B</p><hr/><p>You still don't know how you feel... but you do know this...</p><p>This here, what you just said and what you plan to work on... that is good for now. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. another day of rest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You feel so drained. You're nose is completely stuffed and you're hacking like you just got choked with a dick, but you gotta suck it up. You've gotta take care of John, he's ten times worse off than you are. He's laying in the middle of your bed right now.</p><p>You prompt up a bunch of pillows and made sure to tuck him into his own Egbert tomb. John's tired from all the medicine you made him down. You're feeling sore and tired, but you can deal with it. You're already down to start your work again so once John falls asleep again, you're gonna sneak over to your desk and try to edit a few more clips for Sollux. </p><p>Right now, John is trying hard not to sleep. He's being stubborn about it. He wants you to settle down next to him and stop dotting on him. You can't help it. John sniffling and being so cute, plus you had to go down stairs and take care of Karkat on John's behalf. Karkat was in pretty bad shape before, but apparently he's well enough to take care of himself. Yep. Karkat magically became healthier the moment he heard that John wasn't gonna be taking care of him. You can't say you blame him though, you like the attention too, but definitely more than he does. </p><p>You ask John one last time, "you okay?"</p><p>"Yep." John sounds like his entire body is stuffed up, poor guy.</p><p>"I have sick leave." John sniffles, "I’m golden."</p><p>You sigh. "John, you shouldn't have slept in bed with me."</p><p>"Don't care." John turns away from you. "I wanted my bro-" John sniffles again, "bro time."</p><p>"Dude..." You shake your head. You didn't want him to get fucked up cause of you. You should have just told John that you were too hot under the sheets and ask him to leave... but you love bro time. </p><p>"Plus..." John sniffles. "Now I don't have to work."</p><p>"Dude." You give out a small snicker of a laugh. "Did you get sleep next to me hoping to get sick? ...just so you have an excuse not to work?" </p><p>"Maybe." John turns towards you, "maybe not."</p><p>"Oh, why you wanna miss work? I thought you loved the people there?"</p><p>"They're nice, but they suck at their job! Most of them just stand around talking while I do all the work and I'm sick of it!" John sniffles and then asks you for a, "tissue!"</p><p>You hold up a tissue to his nose and have him blow as you laugh,</p><p>"Whoooa… you're ranting now? About how people suck? You? Really?"</p><p>"I’m sick. I can do what I want." John argues with you.</p><p>You mumble, "like smoother me in bed apparently."</p><p>"Yep." John lifts up the sheets and he forces you to crawl into bed with him, "get in here."</p><p>You fix up the pillows so you both can lay down and rest. Then, you slip under the sheets and snuggle up next to him. He grabs your wrists, and slowly drags your arms around him. He seems really weak and tired today, you can't argue against a good bro cuddle right now, even thought that's what got John so sick in the first place. </p><p>"hmm… comfy." John shuts his eyes and digs his face into your chest. He sniffles you chuckle and then turn behind you to grab him another tissue. You have him blow his nose again and then he buries his face into your neck. His forehead is so hot, you need to make him a washcloth and soon. You’ll find a way to sneak off and grab it as soon as John falls asleep again. </p><p>John mumbles into your chest, "you’re so snuggly, Dave."</p><p>He sounds so tired as he says, "you cuddle me in your sleep."</p><p>"I do?" You ask him like you're honestly curious.</p><p>"Yeah… wait… did you not know you’re a sleepy-cuddler?" John mumbles </p><p>"I am?" You pet the top of his head.</p><p>"Hmm…" John hums.</p><p>You start scratching the top of his head as you say, "sorry, man. Didn't know I smother you in my sleep."</p><p>"No, don’t be sorry... that’s why I’m here." John rubs his face into your chest. His cheek is pushing up against your pecs. </p><p>"Huh?" You question him as you scratch behind his ears.</p><p>"You snuggle good." John sounds so tired, ugh... you just want him to be cured already.</p><p>"Okay, guy." You stop scratching him, "I think you’re a bit out of it." </p><p>"No. I’m not. I just like being cuddled-" He sounds <em>stable </em>as he says that. John keeps wiping his cheek against your chest, "-and snuggled and buggled. Heheheh."</p><p>"You almost had me fooled." You shake you head as it rests against one of your pillows.</p><p>"What?" John mutters with a dizzy sounding voice. </p><p>"You’re like…" You take a moment to think of the right word.</p><p>"Loopy?" John asks if that's the word you're looking for.</p><p>"Yeah, man." You nod.</p><p>"I’m just tired is all." John sleepily argues.</p><p>"Okay, man." You softly whisper to him, "then you should get some z's."</p><p>"Okay... and Dave?"</p><p>"Yeah?" You start scratching his head again.</p><p>John yawns and then shuts his eyes, "thanks for taking care of me." </p><p>"No problem." You softly smile as you let John put his snotty little nose on your chest again. </p><p>So much for sneaking off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Smiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're resting in Dave's bed and reading. Dave got up a while ago to take care of Karkat, you were hoping that you could hold him a little bit longer. When you hug Dave, you feel a lot less lonely and right now you're feeling awful and sweaty and sick.</p><p>In all honesty though, you've been feeling a lot better, you mean emotionally. You do feel like your name is mr. sniffles. But regardless, you feel like you're appreciated by everyone around you.

</p><p>Your two roommates that are home both feel horrible that you're sick. You feel horrible that you can't take care of them. You can't stop sneezing and coughing. But Karkat and Dave have been pulling through, apparently Karkat got up and ordered your favorite stuff from this texmex place you love and he paid for it. You love him.</p><p>You really love your roomies, they are like your family... and now you're pretty sure that one of them... is in love with you. You guess there still is a chance that they are someone from your chat group, but you haven't really been online in a while. You should really get back to checking up on everyone.</p><p>You unlock your phone and snuggle up in all your blankies. You check through the group chat, all of the girls seem really cheerful right now, no doubt they are happy that the curse has been lifted and they don't have to stay silent about how a good friend of yours has always loved you.</p><p>You sigh. </p><p>You wish you knew who it was, but for right now you're okay with their identity being a mystery.</p><p>You're just kinda happy to hear that all the messages were real.</p><p>You didn't think that anyone could ever like you like that...</p><p>You never thought that you were attractive... </p><p>You open up the IM's again you got, you scroll up and down and read things at random, skimming for anything that's about this guy's feelings for you.</p><p>Every word is in a burnt orange color, at first you mistook it for red.</p><p>You thought it might have been a message from Dave... </p><p>Yeah, if Dave liked you, with all your history... he would have just told you. </p><p>You sigh and read through everything this guy sent you.</p><p>Someone out there is losing sleep over you. </p><p>
  <em>Everyone in your house is an insomniac.</em>
</p><p>Someone pictures your smile and loves to hear your laugh.</p><p>
  <em>You know Dave and Sollux always make fools of themselves just to make you laugh.</em>
</p><p>He loves your cooking.</p><p>
  <em>Who doesn't?</em>
</p><p>Wow! This guy knows everything there is to know about you apparently.</p><p>
  <em>All three of your roommates know everything about your whole life... </em>
</p><p>Karkat even picked up on how horrible you've been feeling and he asked you about it... that's when you talked to him about feeling low and taking some risks cause... you felt like you hit rock bottom and you might never pick yourself up again... of course the moments passed! Now you feel like a new man! You better tell him that soon. You're sure he'd appreciate you telling him that you feel a lot better now! You have so much love in your life! You recognized that when you first got these messages and thought it was just a joke from friends... but now you feel like you have... wow a lot more love than you could have ever honestly hoped for.</p><p>This guy really knows a lot about you and what you like. He's super nice and he seems frustrated that you're hard on yourself and... oh...</p><p class="honey">
  <em>"girls are down with the egbert cock"</em>
</p><p>Is that really true?</p><p>The girls like you <strong>that </strong>much?</p><p>You don't even wanna ask what kinda stuff they must have said about you in private to each other. </p><p>Or... maybe you do...</p><p>If the girls are down with sleeping with you and you keep some guy up <em>all night</em> then you must really be a looker!</p><p>"Ha!" You cheer in newly found pride and triumph.</p><p>You instantly sneeze. Snot is pouring out of both of your nostrils. </p><p>"ahhh..." You groan.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You decided to take another nappy. You yawn when you wake up.</p><p>You smack your mouth around, it tastes horrible.</p><p>You yawn again and open your eyes.</p><p>Your glasses are off so it's kinda hard to see, but you'd know that big white blur anywhere!</p><p>It's Dave! You instantly smile and snuggle up to him.</p><p>He's hugging you close. You're so happy that he decided to come take a nap with you, aw... he must be feeling horrible still too. </p><p>You lightly cough into your fist and then start cuddling with him again.</p><p>You sigh. Dave starts rubbing your back.</p><p>
  <em>'How sweet.'</em>
</p><p>Dave cares so much for you. </p><p>Yeah... he really cares for you...</p><p>Damn. You bet that he probably was agreeing with the guy when you showed him the messages you got from your secret lover guy, Dave was probably mad that you thought it was a joke cause he knew it was real right away!</p><p>Dave always tells you that your cool, even back in high school he was always like... your cheerleader. Dave always wanted you to be happy and he always wanted you to be cool with yourself. Back when you two were kids you wanted to be so much like him. He was so cool and all the girls thought he was handsome. Everyone thought he was chill and no one ever knew why he hung out with the <em>loser nerd </em>John Egbert. But you never felt like a loser back then, cause Dave was by your side and listening to you talk about all the shinies you were collecting and hell! He still does. Dave's down to hear your opinion on Ghost Buster’s 2 and why you feel out of love with Nick Cage movies and then back in love and then back out of love again. You could talk about anything and Dave always loved what you had to say. If someone like Dave loved your rants, if all three of your roommates love ranting with you... then maybe you really <em>are </em>more interesting than you originally thought you were.</p><p>You never saw yourself as cool.</p><p>You used to not think that you were a loser though...</p><p>You wish you could go back to being more confident, but the older you get, the harder it is.</p><p>Time keeps passing and you keep choking down all of your pain.</p><p>You guess you always put off dealing with yourself because...</p><p>you just didn't value yourself.</p><p>Everyone in your chat looks at you and tells you that you were kind and that you were compassionate.</p><p>To tell the truth, you never really saw that about yourself.</p><p>Now you guess it really must be true if someone fell in love with you over that.</p><p>You always just acted like that cause that's what your dad taught you to do.</p><p>Your dad taught you to value being polite and offering to help people when they needed help.</p><p>You always saw your dad making sandwiches for homeless people to take on the weekends, you used to help your dad bake cakes for local charities to use in cake walks. You really valued how food brought people together so you used to cook for all your friends and then asked that they pay you back by bringing some fun gifts to exchange with each other, just little things like snacks or bargain bin things. Of course, everyone always tried to give you something too. You just needed their thanks... <em>shoot...</em> maybe you really are compassionate. </p><p>You sigh. You should have taken your friends word for it. You feel so stupid for writing everything they were saying to you off. You should have listened.  </p><p>You feel like apologizing... so you do,</p><p>"Hey..."</p><p>"Hey." Dave sounds like he hears your apathy in your tone. Shoot, you should have tried to sound a little more cheerful. Well... too late now,</p><p>"Is it okay if we talk?"</p><p>Dave pulled away from your hug, "I'm all ears."</p><p>You roll onto your back and look up at the ceiling. </p><p>"I should have listened to you when you said I was cool..."</p><p>Dave says nothing, he waits on you to say more.</p><p>"I never really thought of myself as cool, not like you anyway-" you laugh. "I always just thought I was like... a nerd, yeah. But I didn't think <em>that </em>was bad. I just... didn't really make a lot of friends as a kid... and then when I got older, it got harder to make friends. So I'm really happy I have you, and everyone else."</p><p>"Yeah." Dave's blur agrees with you, "I feel the same, man."</p><p>"I'm just happy that whoever sent those messages did." You confess, "it really changed my view of myself. I can't believe that just a few messages from someone I don't know the identity of, changed my mind when you've been telling me I'm great for years!"</p><p>You laugh and cuddle up to him, "I'm such a jerk!"</p><p>"Nah." Dave tells you, "you're fine, man." </p><p>You yawn again. You snuggle up close to him, "let's snuggle for a bit."</p><p>"Sure." Dave's so cool to bear with you being so snuggly... you bet he's hot underneath all these blankets.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You wake again, Dave told you he's gonna go out and get some real food for the house cause Karkat ate everything good. You just chuckled at that and ask him for more eggs and to check if you had milk.</p><p>You got up for a little bit to have some of the leftover soup that you made for Karkat. The chicken soaked in it for so long, it's so good. When you finish up, your belly is all full and you feel nice and content. </p><p>You scooch back under the sheet and grab your phone. You wanna look through the group chat. Oh! Looks like Sollux just released a new video! You should watch it... but first, you're gonna see if he's available right now.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">hey there, buddy!!!</p><p class="sollux">yo.</p><p class="john">how're you holding up?</p><p class="sollux">eh.</p><p class="sollux">so so</p><p class="john">oh darn...</p><p class="john">i was hoping you were doing better.</p><p class="sollux">i am.</p><p class="sollux">i started talking to kk more often.</p><p class="john">oh?</p><p class="sollux">we've been like... fake aruging.</p><p class="john">haauh?</p><p class="sollux">it's just like...</p><p class="sollux">idk man</p><p class="sollux">he sends me a death threat</p><p class="sollux">i laugh about it.</p><p class="sollux">then i joke about cutting off his nuts.</p><p class="sollux">it's a whole thing.</p><p class="john">soo... you're still feeling bad?</p><p class="sollux">bad isn't the word I would use...</p><p class="sollux">but good isn't the way i would put it either...</p><p class="sollux">but i'm gonna see my therapist about it soon</p><p class="sollux">so i'm already on it.</p><p class="john">good!</p><p class="john">let me know when you see her!</p><p class="sollux">np.</p><p class="sollux">so... heard that all 3 of you are sick now.</p><p class="john">you heard right, son!</p><p class="sollux">ha.</p><p class="john">i think i'm doing the worst outta everybody,</p><p class="john">doesn't help my allergies are kicking my bootybutt.</p><p class="sollux">aw</p><p class="sollux">dude.</p><p class="sollux">when you talk all cute like that it makes me feel worse about your current condition.</p><p class="sollux">i want dave pouring hot soup down your throat stat.</p><p class="john">he already made me a bowl!</p><p class="john">i just finished it</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="sollux">kay</p><p class="sollux">well i'm gonna message him to make you a hot washcloth for your face then</p><p class="sollux">bet your whole face is killing you.</p><p class="john">right you are!</p><p class="john">but, sweetheart, daves out getting me munchables.</p><p class="john">i'll make my own hot towel when i go to the bathroom next, honey.</p><p class="john">i get that you feel like i always bust my ass to help all of you...</p><p class="john">so you want dave and karkat to spoil me...</p><p class="john">and take care of me.</p><p class="john">and they are! so don't worry!</p><p class="john">but i have to take care of myself sometimes! and that's okay!

</p><p class="john">ahhh... sorry if i'm not making sense... i'm slowly dying
</p><p class="sollux">lol
</p><p class="sollux">its cool man

</p><p class="john">i just wanna tell you that it's really sweet you're still looking out for me</p><p class="john">even when you're not home.</p><p class="sollux">i'm always gonna look out for you, man</p><p class="sollux">even though i'm kinda fucked up right now...</p><p class="sollux">your health takes a huge priority in my life</p><p class="sollux">i care so much about all of you, man...</p><p class="john">that's sweet of you to say!</p><p class="sollux">i kinda feel shitty knowing that all three of you are sick</p><p class="john">but i bet you feel happy that you don't have to catch our ick, right?</p><p class="sollux">i could NOT take a hit like that right now</p><p class="john">i'm glad you're staying with your bro</p><p class="john">he's super sweet to be letting you stay over for so long.</p><p class="john">next time you visit, i'll make sure to bake him something really special as a thank you for taking care of one of my favorite guys!</p><p class="sollux">i'm sure he'd appreciate it.</p><p class="sollux">my bro was kinda sad when i showed up with no cookies</p><p class="john">oh no!</p><p class="john">oh well... next time I'll be sure to bake him something special AND cookies.</p><p class="sollux">you're so cool, john.</p><p class="sollux">it's such a fuckin bummer that you don't see that.</p><p class="john">nope.</p><p class="john">you're a little late to the party.</p><p class="john">i "rebooted" as you hackers would say...</p><p class="sollux">ha</p><p class="john">well i feel better about myself!</p><p class="john">i feel like i'm a better man</p><p class="sollux">solid.</p><p class="john">i started looking at my life and all the people in it</p><p class="john">and i've been thinking!</p><p class="john">i am a lot cooler than i thought!</p><p class="sollux">oh?</p><p class="sollux">you realize your stance above us all?</p><p class="sollux">are you gonna ditch us and go sit at the table with the cool kids</p><p class="john">i'm already sitting at the table with the cool kids!</p><p class="john">i'm a nerd and all the people that i love are nerds too!</p><p class="john">so i never felt bad about that!</p><p class="john">i just feel bad about being shy</p><p class="sollux">oh man</p><p class="sollux">i don't get out of the house</p><p class="sollux">so i feel you</p><p class="sollux">i get like a kick out of just going outside now</p><p class="sollux">to see the sun and go on a drive.</p><p class="sollux">actually i feel a lot less like a loser now that i'm sleeping on a futon and not on a mattress on the floor</p><p class="john">we've gotta get one of those for you.</p><p class="sollux">maybe next time i'm this energetic.</p><p class="sollux">i'd be a lot easier to move shit like a fucking whole ass couch than i normally am.</p><p class="john">i'm more than willing to help you move furniture, honey!</p><p class="sollux">i was picturing dave helping me</p><p class="sollux">and he was shirtless in my mind</p><p class="sollux">i think it was just to show off his abs...</p><p class="john">is dave that "flashy" in your head?</p><p class="sollux">with an ass like that</p><p class="sollux">why wouldn't he be?</p><p class="sollux">also nice pun</p><p class="john">glad you didn't miss it</p><p class="sollux">i miss you though.</p><p class="john">awwwwwwww!!!!</p><p class="john">i love you!</p><p class="sollux">i love you more</p><p class="sollux">and i'm sorry</p><p class="sollux">but i gotta get back to this stream i'm watching</p><p class="john">oh? is it a stream you're not allowed to watch</p><p class="sollux">keep this between us...</p><p class="john">ohhhhhhhh</p><p class="sollux">but i started watching karkat's old streams cause i miss him</p><p class="john">aww</p><p class="sollux">and he is a complete bastard</p><p class="john">but he's our bastard</p><p class="sollux">he really is.</p>
<hr/><p>You said your goodbyes.</p><p>You went to the bathroom after you stopped chatting and you made a nice hot towel for your sore face, just like you promised your favorite hacker you would.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You yawned when you got up again, you're feeling a bit better now, taking a nap with a towel covering your nose and eyes made for good sleep... when it was hot, now it's cold and probably gross from your face leakage.</p><p>You strip it off and then find your glasses. You wanna watch that video Sollux just posted, you miss him a ton.</p><p>You put your pillows the way Dave's been putting em and check your phone. It's only been 15 minutes!</p><p>What kinda cat nap was that? Oh well, you get the privagle of being somewhat early to one of Sollux's videos now.</p><p>You watch through the most of it, he seems so hyped up. Sollux's bro was in the video too, they were both playing a two-player game together and the two of them were playing off of each other. Sollux's bro seems like such a fun guy! He's so shy around you though! You don't know why he does so good on camera if he's a shy guy.</p><p>You chuckle and then you hear the door open. You look towards the door and see Karkat, you instantly grin.</p><p>"Hi there!"</p><p>Karkat shuffles in with a mug that looks like it must be burning his hands.</p><p>You lift yours up to take it from him. </p><p>It's a cup of tea, you know cause Karkat left the teabag in! <em>'such a funny guy.'</em></p><p>Karkat tells you, "CAREFUL. IT'S REALLY FUCKING HOT, SO TAKE THE RAG TOO." </p><p>"Thank you!" You take the mug into your hand with the cloth and all.</p><p>Karkat looks down at you, you know he's about to ask if you need anything else so you just cut to the chase.</p><p>"Is it okay if we just sit and talk for a bit?"</p><p>Karkat instantly sits in bed next to you. He lets his legs hang off the end.</p><p>You get right to talking, "I've been feeling a lot better since we had out last man-to-man talk."</p><p>Karkat nods. He just sits there, silent. </p><p>You smile and look down at your cup. </p><p>"You know... when I got those messages, it really put a lot into perspective for me." You watch the steam flow out of your mug and into the air. "I think... now I get it. I see what you all see in me. I cook for all of you all the time and I try really hard to get you three to smile and get along. I totally get why you all love me." You smile.</p><p>Karkat leans a bit back and relaxes as he says, "YEAH?"</p><p>You hum out a sigh and talk about your family,</p><p>"I always had trouble with making friends and meeting new people, Sollux always had a hard time with his own head, Dave never really had much... and you. You never liked people." You chuckle.</p><p>Karkat takes a breath and looks up at the ceiling.</p><p>"And yet!" You make your point, "the four of us came together, and started living together like a big -imperfect- family!" You cheer and then take on a bit of a more calm tone, "so... now I really take all of those things you said to me a while ago to heart. That I'm cool, even if I haven't dated anyone. That I'm funny and I'm weird and I'm smart, and even if I don't realize it... I'm really cute!" You laugh. "That was a pill that was tough to swallow. But yeah, I can see it. <em>I'm adorable." </em></p><p>You roll your eyes and let them fall on the grumpy guy next to you.</p><p>You stare at Karkat as you hunch over and calmly say,</p><p><em>"And...</em> I saw all those things in you." </p><p>Karkat looks into your eyes, seems like he's having a hard time with understanding what exactly you're trying to say about him. You go on, </p><p>"I get that you have a rep to protect! Hehehe!" You laugh, "you need to make people think that you're tough, but underneath it all, you're super compassionate and caring."</p><p>You list everything you see in him, "you're a great listener, you're a good friend, you always know when's the right time to shout and when is the right time to just sit down and have a chat... I love everything about you, you know? You always make me laugh when you get all grumpy, just for the fun of it, not when you're really mad. Actually, all three of you make me laugh."</p><p>You look up at the ceiling, "I really do love all three of you. You're my family, you're my best friends. I should have listened to you when you had things to say, it all just felt like talk... I should have tried to see your view of me through your eyes... but I'm glad I didn't... I got someone to tell me all those nice things! I'm really looking forward to reading more... but that can wait til he -or you all- feel better."</p><p>You chuckle. It's better you keep up the ruse you think it's a prank. Let this mystery man get comfy speaking his peace and then you can tell him that you actually wanna hear all his plans for dates and what kinda foods you'd cook for those dates. You totally know that anyone in love with you would wanna do nothing but eat your cooking and listen to you talk in your dumb, cute voice. </p><p>You smile and blow on your mug and have a sip. When you swallow down some of your drink you take a breath, your nose is still clogged. You ask Karkat, "so... tell me about how you're holding up."</p><p>You can see in the corner of your eye, Karkat let slip a smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. TOUGH</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You slowly open your eyes. <em>'GREAT.' </em>You must have fallen asleep next to John after he asked you to... ugh... snuggle with him. </p><p>You feel a weight around your waist and your shoulders. Feels like there are two people cuddling up to you.</p><p>You open your eyes and see Egbert with his arms wrapped around your shoulders. John's cuddling up to your chest and breathing through his mouth. John's drooling on your baggy shirt. Whatever, no big deal. It's filled with holes anyway, you were only wearing it as a sick shirt cause you were gonna toss it later. You can't get mad about him ruining your shirt, however, you can get mad that his drool is sticking to your skin. You lightly push him off of you. Instantly he wakes up and shuts his gaping mouth. John sits up and rubs his eyes.</p><p>You narrow your eye as Dave presses his lips against the top of your head. </p><p>John yawns and asks, "you gotta take a piddle? You want me to move?"</p><p>Dave seems to have just realized that you are, in fact, not John and as such he shouldn't have been feeling you up and kissing you. Dave lets go of you. You slip out of the sheets and move from the middle of the bed towards the door.</p><p>John squints his eyes as he watches you, he tells you, "you can use Dave's bathroom. It's okay."</p><p>"I'M GOING TO SLEEP IN MY OWN BED." You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.</p><p>John whines, "noooo... come on, Karkat! You were all cuddly and sweet, I promise I won't tell anyone."</p><p>"Yeah." Dave nods. "I kinda don't want it getting out I slept with you."</p><p>John giggles and then asks you again, "come on! Bring over them bro-cuddles." </p><p>They just keep adding the word 'bro' in front of shit in hopes it covers up how gay it is. Sure if Dave went down on John and just called it a<em>bro</em>-job, John would still see it as platonic. </p><p>You roll your eyes and groan. You scratch at the inside of your thighs. You should really take a shower, you're fucking sweating balls and you are <strong>not </strong>down for bro-shower time or whatever the fuck John might offer.</p><p>John's looking up at you with those big blue sad eyes. He sniffled.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>'GOD DAMN IT'</em>
</p><p>John convinced you to keep cuddling in Dave's bed. If Sollux hears about this shit he's gonna hold this over your head, eh... it's not like you haven't invited him to sleep in your bed when he complains about how bad his back is. But that really is bro shit. This right here, this is just Dave clinging onto John and forcing you nearly off the bed.</p><p>You can't believe you enjoyed being in between John and Dave more than being off to the side.</p><p>"AUGH!" John just turned around in Dave's arms and Dave is pushing you off of the bed again.</p><p>You get up. John instantly wakes up and whines, "nooo... Karkat. Don't go."</p><p>You crawl over John and push him over. You crawl over John and lay down between him and Dave.</p><p>John instantly wraps his arms around you and cheers. </p><p>John kisses your cheek and tells you, "in the morning, I'm going to make some nice crepes for breakfast."</p><p>You glare at him and frown. John can only see a blur, you're sure and yet you still wait for John to shut his eyes so you can smile. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a while since you've been home. You've been out and about, you just got done talking with your therapist and you think you worked a few things out. You're on your way home now.</p><p>You had such a good time with your bro, he was chill about letting you stay over for like a week, especially after seeing that you'd randomly get up and start cleaning house just so you could do something with your hands. You had to move around so you just did the dishes and then after that you recorded a few videos. Dave said he'd edit for you, but then John got sick so he asked if you could help him with the edit. You didn't have any problem with that, someone's gotta look out for John for once. </p><p>Well, now they are all healthy, for the most part. You heard something about Karkat still being sick-<em>ish. </em>Yeah, you're guessing that he's not sleeping a lot or eating well. Specially if John took a break on babying him. You're sure that TG's and John's flu is still lingering. You're gonna slap the shit outta Karkat if he gives John hell... you mean slap the shit out of him metaphorically. Over IMs. Which, actually you haven't really done in a while. You avoided talking to him and John and yourdad'scock, you felt it was for the best to avoid em.</p><p>You don't know what's gotten into you, but you developed this horrible habit of hitting on John and the rest of 'em... and you recognize it isn't cool. You don't wanna make your friends uncomfortable so you have no real excuse to push a bad joke that's only really fun to you and John. </p><p>You sigh. You're gonna apologize to everyone and make sure that you all move forward.</p><p>You're putting this dumb gag of yours behind you. Hell, you might even get a spray bottle and tell the guys to spritz you to cool your head... and you mean your largest one. Shit. You need to stop making sex jokes like that, even internally. It only makes everything worse.</p><p>You sigh as you walk up to your place with half your shit in hand. You dragged everything to the front and you're hoping that Dave's gonna help you bring back your stuff into the office. If he doesn't you don't mind, your stuff all goes into the first floor office anyway. Nothing down there but your room and your shit...</p><p>You drag out your key from your back pocket and open the door. You shout up the stairs, "home!"</p><p>Right away you hear John squeal. "Sollux!"</p><p>John rushes down the stairs and once he gets to the last step he jumps towards you and wraps his arms around you.</p><p>You pat his back as you steady your huge-ass duffle bag,</p><p>"Hey, EB."</p><p>"Hi!" John rubs his face against your chest, "I missed you so much!"</p><p>You smile down at him, "seems like you're feeling better."</p><p>"Yeah! I am!" John smiles. "Better than ever actually!"</p><p>"Oh damn, cause I'm home now or because I left for a week?" </p><p>John laughs at your joke, "partly cause you're home, and partly cause I'm not all snotty and gross anymore!" </p><p>"That's cool, man." You're about to tell John you've gotta bring all your shit in when John yells up the stairs,</p><p>"Everyone come hug Sollux!"</p><p>You joke,"whoa whoa, hold on. I don’t want to get sick, I just got better!"</p><p>"Well," John offers, "if you get sick, I’ll make you soup and snuggle you up! And give you like a million kisses!"</p><p>"Nevermind, I don't mind getting sick now." You spread your arms open, welcoming in another embrace.</p><p>John hugs you again as he laughs, "haha!"</p><p>Dave and Karkat start walking down the stairs. Karkat looks only semi-pissed, Dave's as stoic as ever but when TG finishes stepping down the stairs he smiles at you.</p><p>Dave grabs your hand and then pulls you into a one-handed hug, "how you feeling, man?" Dave asks.</p><p>"Solid. How you holding up?" You pull away from Dave and smile.</p><p>"I’m better than ever." Dave nods a few times.</p><p>You turn to KK and ask, "how about you-"</p><p>"I'M FUCKING FINE, I KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT TO ASK US TO HELP YOU SET UP YOUR SHIT SO LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT."</p><p>"Yeah!" John smiles, "great idea! Let's help Sollux!"</p><p>Dave's already stepping over to the front, John is happily leading Karkat over with him to help you. </p><p>You carry your duffle bag into your room and take a moment to just breathe it all in.</p><p>You're home. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. ANOTHER DAY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You groan out a sigh.</p><p>You just got done being sick, fuck actually nevermind! You're still sick!</p><p>You're sick and John<strong> still</strong> expects you to help Sollux bring all his shit inside and then help the fucker get all set up.</p><p>If this is the price you have to pay for him to keep his mouth shut about how much you cuddled up to him and Dave this week, you'll take the L.</p><p>When you're mostly finished with setting up the office, you leave to go upstairs. You just say you gotta take a piss, but in reality you're just fucking tired. You go up the steps, and right away you sit back down on the couch. </p><p>You grab the remote and lower the volume. Somehow, Dave still manages to hear with his supersonic hearing,</p><p>"Karkat!" Dave's calling up to you, "Don't you start watching the rest without me!"</p><p>You groan and stand up, you've gotta piss anyway.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Sollux decided he wanted to fuck around with his computer for a while, you're saved from the ridicule that would have befallen you and Dave if he would have come upstairs to watch you binge Miraculous.</p><p>John is messing around with things in the kitchen, Dave's on his side of the living room and you're sitting on your <em>bird's nest.</em></p><p>You flip on the rest of the episode and try to ignore the sound of Egbert banging pots and pans together. Awesome, John just turned on his mixer.</p><p>You focus on the screen and watch in awe as Marinette fucks up yet again. You've never gotten so much second-hand embarrassment from a show before. You turn to look at Dave and he's eating it up.</p><p>Dave is cheering, "let's go!" and clapping his hands together as Marinette accidentally confesses in front of Adrien, you know the show is just going to write it off somehow, probably get Marinette to say it was a joke.</p><p>You sniff your nose and see someone walk up in the corner of your eye, you turn to face... great... it's Sollux. He probably came up here just to see what all the noise was about, and now he's gonna make fun of you for watching a kid's show when he still watches Rick and Morty.</p><p>Sollux is looking down at you, he's gesturing with his hands for you to, "scooch over."</p><p>"MAN." You roll your eyes as you ask, "DO YOU EVEN WANT TO WATCH THIS?"</p><p>"Yeah." Sollux gestures over to where Dave is sitting, "I wanna see what this is all about."</p><p>"Dude." Dave gains Sollux's attention, "this is like, the best moment of my fuckin life."</p><p>You pause the TV yourself.</p><p>"DON'T OVERSELL IT." You cross your arms.</p><p>As Sollux settles down besides you on the couch you keep talking to Dave,</p><p>"THEY AREN'T EVEN GONNA GET TOGETHER."</p><p>"No. No." Dave points up at the scene, "there's no way Mari's gonna fuckin' claw her way out of the hole she dug herself, I swear she's gonna have to confess and-"</p><p>"ADRIEN'S GONNA CONFESS HE'S IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, DO YOU WANT THAT?"</p><p>"If he says he's in love with <em>ladybug </em>does it fucking matter? She's gonna know it's her!" Dave claps his hands together, "I just fucking want them to finally get together. Just rip off the bandaid and make them awkwardly date!"</p><p>John's laughing from the other room, "aw! Yeah! That would be so cute!"</p><p>"See!" Dave wildly gestures towards where John is.</p><p>"OH SHUT UP, JOHN! DON'T YOU WANT LUKA TO BEND ADRIEN OVER?" </p><p>"I don't see why they all can't get together." John jokes back.</p><p>Sollux snaps his fingers and points at you, "diddo."</p><p>Sollux calls back to the kitchen, "John, you're the visionary we need in this world."</p><p>John laughs and then walks out into the living room. </p><p>John's wiping down his hands of flour with his apron.</p><p>You all turn to face him and notice something... a bit off.</p><p>John's apron is really frilly... kinda girly actually. It's like a baby blue color with soft white frills.</p><p>John notices you're all staring at him he asks, "what?"</p><p>"Oh!" John gets it as soon as Dave points at his body. John explains, "I got this as an April Fool's day gift from Roxy. It's cute right?"</p><p>"Yeah." Dave agrees. </p><p>"Now, I wanna see what you're so excited about." John walks over to Dave's couch and rests right next to Dave.</p><p>When John lays his head down on Dave, he looks like he fits into his arms like a perfect puzzle piece. </p><p>You glare at the two of them. Half of you is upset that you don't have anything like that in your life, the other half of you is pissed they belong together and John is too stupid to realize. It's even worse than any novel or movie you've ever read before.</p><p>John opens his mouth and asks you, "can you turn-" just then, he gets a call on his cell.</p><p>John pulls his phone out from his apron's frilly pocket and answers, "hello?"</p><p>Then he bursts out with a huge smile, "Oh! Hi dad!"</p><p>"Mmmhmm!" John nods, "yeah- but hold on!"</p><p>John puts his phone on speaker, "say hello everyone!"</p><p>Sollux and Dave say the same thing at the same time.</p><p>"Hey." "Hey."</p><p>You just roll your eyes and say, "HI. MR. EGBERT."</p><p>"Hello, you three!" John's dad sounds pretty happy over the phone. You let out a small groan.</p><p>John's dad adresses John again, "how have you been, son?"</p><p>"I’ve been sick for a few days now, but I’m feeling better!" John happily nods.</p><p>"Dave’s taking good care of you?" John's dad asks.</p><p>"Yep!" John's unapologetic as he says, "he’s even been sweet enough to endure having to sleep under like a million blankets with me." </p><p>"That’s great, son!" John's dad still sounds like he's smiling. </p><p>
  <em>'GOD. HERE WE GO AGAIN.'</em>
</p><p>You gag as John asks the same question he always does, "how’s the restaurant?" </p><p>"Business is slower than usual, but I expected a lull." Mr. Egbert replies.</p><p>Dave asks, "kitchen's still a hellscape though, right?" </p><p>"Oh, it always is." John's dad jokes with his son.</p><p>John giggles.</p><p>John's dad addresses most likely the two of them instead of just John this time,</p><p>"Anything interesting happen with you, son?"</p><p>"Oh… well… someone confessed their love to me recently." John starts fiddling around with his hair.</p><p>"Really?" John's dad seems taken back, "<em>recently?"</em> </p><p>"Yep!" John nods. "It was over an anonymous message online… but don’t worry I’m sure it’s a prank!" John proudly says. </p><p>"Well it’s a strange one then, isn’t it?" John's dad lets out an awkward laugh.</p><p>"Awww it’s just cause I feel like… unconfident." John admits, "I think it was just someone giving me a little boost by sending me little love notes!"</p><p>"Well. I’m sure Dave's going to find out whoever it is and give them a what-for regardless of their intention." John's dad sounds certain. </p><p>"Hmm, a <em>what-for...</em> what for?" John asks.</p><p>"He’s always been… over protective, John, you know that." John's dad is so dangerously close to the line again... </p><p>"Well I don't think Dave's gonna do anything about it!" John explains, "I’m starting to think it’s Dave sending me the messages!"</p><p>"Dave sending them to you... to boost your spirits?" John's dad sounds confused.</p><p>"Yeah!" John happily cheers.</p><p>"Hmm. He always did go out of his way to cheer you up." John's dad seems content with that. "Son, can you put me off of speaker?"</p><p>"Sure thing." John did as he was asked and then nodded and said yes to most of his dad's questions until-</p><p>"Ha! Well we don't shower together,<em> daaad!"</em></p><p>You turn away, you can't handle how much pain you feel in your chest. You can't keep this going on forever, but you have too. </p><p>It's been going on for too long to just end it now.</p><p>John hangs up on his dad after saying, "I'll be sure to give them <em>all </em>lots of love, but I'm sure Dave appreciates you asking me to give him extra! Love you too, dad!"</p><p>John stands up and with a determined look on his face he says, "we can rewatch the episode together later!" </p><p>John points forward as he marches into the kitchen, "I've got things to bake!"</p><p>Dave lightly laughs and then looks at you.</p><p>Sollux turns towards you, so you look at him.</p><p>Captor whispers, "should we tell, john? Is this like... the right time?"</p><p>Dave whispers to you both, "tell him what?"</p><p>"Uhhhhhh…" Sollux is still whispering. "You know..."</p><p>"What?" Dave whispers.</p><p>You mutter under your breath and do the closest thing to whispering you can, "THAT HIS DAD THINKS YOU TWO ARE DATING."</p><p>"Please don’t." Dave begs in a normal tone.</p><p>"Cause it’s the only fun you get out of life any more?" Sollux laughs.</p><p>"More like it’s been going on for too long and I don’t know how to stop it." Dave frowns.</p><p>The mixer turns back on again. You three all huddle together. Dave says, "apparently, John's whole family thinks we're together now, and that's why he doesn't get invited to go to some family things..."</p><p>Dave sounds like he's in pain as he says, "John's grandma doesn't even want to talk to him anymore cause she thinks John's gay... <strong><em>because of me."</em></strong></p><p>"Well..." Sollux suggests, "he might be if you give him a few handshakes down below." </p><p>"HEY." You shove Sollux's chest, "YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA STOP THIS SHIT."</p><p>"I don't wanna hit on Dave any more, sure." Sollux nods and then turns to you, "but suggesting you give mini Egbert a few tugs and kisses is just-"</p><p>"GOD, YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE. GO BACK TO SOUNDING LIKE A ASSHOLE AND NOT A DOUCHE!"</p><p>"Okay, fine." Sollux lifts up his arms and asks, "why don't we break the cycle and tell John's dad that it was really <em>you </em>and John dating the whole time? Claim he just misunderstood."</p><p>”FUCK OFF, CAPTOR.” You narrow your eyes.</p><p>Dave laughs at that, "then he's just gonna ask why John and <em>I</em> sleep in the same bed half-the-time."</p><p>"Half the time?" Captor presses him, "you make that sound like you do that three times a week."</p><p>"Sometimes." Dave shrugs.</p><p>"Shit." Sollux shouts, "then let me have Egbert's room!"</p><p>"You can sleep in bed with him if you want, I'm sure of it." Dave sounds like his rolling his eyes behind his shades.</p><p>"Won't you get jealous?" Captor jokes.</p><p>"If it's you?" Dave takes a moment to pause for what is most likely going to be him saying <em>no. </em>Instead he says, "...yes."</p><p>Sollux starts cracking up. </p><p>You roll your eyes and beg, “CAN WE PLEASE JUST FINISH THIS DUMPSTER FIRE?"</p><p>"Oh fuck!" Dave reaches over to you and starts palming your knee for the remote.</p><p>Dave grabs it and turns it on, "fuck. they are so in love."</p><p>. . .</p><p>Took for fucking ever for you to get through the episode, you replayed the whole thing so Sollux could watch and every time he talked over it, you would pause it so he got the memo to stop talking, didn't work.</p><p>Dave talked for a straight fifteen so he could bitch about all of Mari's competitors for her <em>dream boy. 'UGH.'</em> The fact he honestly said dream boy in all seriousness is so fucking awful.</p><p>When the episode ends Dave is laying flat down on the couch. He seems so heartbroken that Adrien said he was in love with another girl, but he didn't say who.</p><p>Dave mumbles into the couch cushion, "he could have just said he loves ladybug cause she's courageous and saved him a few times, just saying that won't give away he's Chat Noir." </p><p>Sollux is laughing, he points at Dave and asks, "is he like this every time you watch an episode?"</p><p>"NO. HALF THE TIME IT'S HIM FACED DOWN ON THE COUCH AND HALF THE TIME IT'S ME."</p><p>Sollux hums out a few laughs. He tries to hold back a smile. He tells you, once again, "I really missed being home."</p><p>"THEN DON'T LEAVE NEXT TIME." You roll your eyes, "I'LL JUST GET A SPRAY BOTTLE AND SPRITZ YOU EVERY TIME YOU TRY TO DRY HUMP DAVE OR MAKE OUT WITH JOHN."</p><p>"Make out with John's <em>neck."  </em>Captor corrects you. "I don't go for the lips."</p><p>Sollux smiles and chuckles a bit, "<em>and... </em>I'm over all that. Gonna take steps to be better."</p><p>"For real?" Dave asks.</p><p>Sollux shrugs, "In all honesty, I'm just roleplaying a better man, like a fake it till you make it kinda thing."</p><p>"Hey, I'll take any attempt at getting better as real." Dave tells him, "don't cut yourself short. You're doing more than <em>me</em> at this point."</p><p>"Nah." Sollux lowers his voice as he says, "you're making progress too, man."</p><p>"Dude." Dave speaks in a low tone, "I don't know... I haven't messaged 'em in a while now. I think I might just leave a few more messages and then give it a rest."</p><p>Sollux shrugs, "well, if John wants an encore.. I think you should give it to him."</p><p>You hear John laugh from the kitchen. You all shut up and listen. John says, "haha! All done!"</p><p>You can hear John go through the fridge and then you can hear the clinking of glass.</p><p>You wait a moment in anticipation to see what John's so excited about.</p><p>Then John walks out and holds up a plate and a glass.</p><p>John walks over to Dave and hands them to him as he says,</p><p>“I got you a nice cool glass of apple juice and I made you some shortbread cookies.” John gives Dave a kiss on the side of his head.</p><p>Dave pays John back with a small smile, “thanks, man.”</p><p>“Anything for you, Dave.” John sweetly says.</p><p>You feel like gagging. John turns to you and Sollux. He lifts up a finger and then rushes back into the kitchen. Just as quick as Egbert left, he came back. John’s holding up two extra plates.</p><p>“Here you are!” John bends over and hands you his plates.</p><p>John bends back up and then sings to you as he leaves, “give me just one moment!”</p><p>You look down at your plate. Every cookie is frosted to look like your icon for your livestreams. You glare down at the angry looking cartoonish version of yourself. </p><p>You look over at Sollux and he’s smiling brighter than you’ve seen from him in a long time. You glare at him for enjoying this, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMILING AT?”</p><p>Sollux points over in Dave’s direction. You turn your head and Dave's holding up a cookie perfectly shaped like one of the crude drawings of dicks Dave doodles every chance he gets.</p><p>Dave openly says as he shows you the cookie cock, “I love him. I love him so much, so deeply. I will never stop. I’m not gonna apologize for it.”</p><p>You narrow your eyes. You despise the fact that you understand him completely, this gesture right here is the exact perfect way to get to Dave’s heart.</p><p>Dave admires the cookies. His eyes focused on the small little creudly shaped treats. He's trying hard not to smile as he whispers, "I don't think I'll ever love anyone else... he's just too perfect with everything he does."</p><p>John pops back out from the kitchen. Egbert’s smiling and smacking himself in the head, “oh, Dave! I forgot!”</p><p>John brings over a glass of milk, “I know how cute you are! You need a nice tall glass of milk so you can enjoy these cookies!” </p><p>Seeing the two of them like this, it really makes you think that John only did for you all because he wanted to spoil Dave, without making it obvious. Maybe Johns on to him.</p><p>Dave takes the milk and John starts scratching the top of his head, “you look so adorable! I’m so happy that you enjoy my baking!”</p><p>John casually hands you a cup of coffee. “Here.”</p><p>You take it and mutter, “THANKS.”</p><p>You stood up and took your plate and your mug and said, “GONNA GET SOME WORK DONE.”</p><p>“Oh, can you help me with something in the kitchen before you do?”</p><p>“HUH?” You look up at him like he's nuts.</p><p>“I worked hard to speedrun making cookies! For <strong>you!</strong>" John demands that, "<em>you</em> help me.”</p><p>You grunt. “FINE.”</p><p>You followed him into the kitchen and Egbert opens the fridge.</p><p>You put down your mug and your cookies. You guess you've gotta fucking carry something for him.</p><p>John rushes to grab something and then he turns around. John puts a finger up to his lips and whispers to you,</p><p>“Shhh… I know that you love these things and I know you’re shy, but I wanted to do right by you, so I hid it and here you are!”</p><p>You look down at your hand as John gives you a bottle of something cold. It’s a small pink bottle of strawberry milk. He must have went down to the Asian market again… this is your favorite brand, not only that it’s your favorite drink.</p><p>John moves forward and plants a kiss on your cheek, he pulls away and smiles. He lets a sigh out of his nose, “you’re so cute... “</p><p>You stare at him with your head tilted and a lowered brow, you're giving him an almost confused look.</p><p>"Go on, go get your work done!" John tells you, “just don’t work yourself too hard, okay? If you need help, I can make sure that Dave helps you out with your editing. He needs to start working again.”</p><p>“...YEAH.”</p><p>John grabs a plate and a mug as he giggles and smiles at you. John walks out and says,</p><p>“Okay! Sollux I have your favorite! Lavender tea made with almond milk!”</p><p>“Did you add-”</p><p>“I added honey to it.” John cheers.</p><p>Sollux tells Egbert, “you’re the fucking best, man.”</p><p>“The real M.V.P.” Dave agrees.</p><p>You head downstairs and sit down in your desk chair.</p><p>You place the cookies on your desk.</p><p>You stare at the bottle in your hand.</p><p>It's pink... </p><p>You make a bitter face down at it.</p><p>It's a perfect baby pink and the label has little drawings of red strawberries on it.</p><p>
  <em>'IT'S SO CUTE.'</em>
</p><p>You put your head down on the desk and hold back a scream.</p><p>
  <em>'THOSE COOKIES ARE SO FUCKING CUTE!"</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. ceasefire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Well... EB's worried about you now. You just got home and got all your shit in order and as soon as you dug into the cookies Ecto made you, you sneezed. John cried, <em>"noooo!"</em> Like he was already pretending to mourn you. At least he hugged you and started petting your head. That makes up for the tissue filled hell you're about to be in.</p><p>Damn, Egbert really out did himself. You took a few pics and posted them after you had your fill editing them. Once you were done messing around with the filters, your drink was cool enough to drink. You don't know why EB just serves drinks boiling hot but it's probably because you do shit like this. All of you do actually, every one of you fucks around until you actually settle down enough to eat or drink so Ecto has to make shit as flaming hot as possible... <em>'like his ass.' </em>Damn it. You need to stop doing this shit, it used to be funny, but now it's just sad. It's almost like you really <em>do </em>check out his ass now. Which you're gonna be real. Dave's a lucky man... or at least he will be once TG man's up and plays a little high low piccolo with John's dick.</p><p>Thinkin' about TG now, he's fucked up over how good those dick cookies were. You're still fucked up over how John's dad must have made some comment about John and Dave showering together like it was just normal fun things to talk to his son about. Honestly!? What the fuck did he say to him!? Why did John respond with laughing? You've been thinking about it on and off for hours now. </p><p>You're back in the office now, looks like Strider's working hard rewatching and editing your work. And you mean the Strider with an ass as sweet at candy and pre-teen perfume that smells like bubblegum. </p><p>Karkat's tapping away at his keys. Fucking around with something that's got him typing like a mad man.</p><p>"FINALLY!" Karkat bitches out loud.</p><p>You turn to him and ask, "what is it?" </p><p>You don't know why KK is scoffing at you, clearly he wants you to fucking ask if he just yelled out loud.</p><p>"TEREZI MESSAGED ME, SHE SAID WE'RE ALL STREAMING TOMORROW. ALL OF US."</p><p>"What? TZ didn't message me." You sound as offended as you feel. </p><p>"SHE SAID SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME TO MESSAGE EVERYONE, SHE'S EXPECTING THAT I CARRY THE MESSAGE TO YOU AND THAT YOU START STREAMING AT THE SAME TIME I DO."</p><p>"We usually do." You point out.</p><p>"I'M JUST THE MESSENGER,<strong> BITCH</strong> AT HER IF YOU WANT TO." KK waves you off and then turns around in his desk chair to face his laptop again.</p><p>You groan and roll your eye.</p><p>There's a knock at the door.</p><p>You call out, "what is it?"</p><p>John opens the door, "how are you feeling now, honey?"</p><p>You know he's talking to you but Karkat answers anyway, "LIKE SHIT."</p><p>"Aw... you're still sick." John looks actually worried. He looks over at you and asks again, "honey?"</p><p>You suddenly tense up a bit, you hold up your finger and then cover your mouth to sneeze again.</p><p>"Okay! No if and or buts!" John demands both of your attention. John keeps clapping his hands until Karkat turns around.</p><p>"Sollux is sleeping in your room." John lays down the law.</p><p>"JOHN." Karkat points the finger over at the real man of the house, "YOU CAN'T JUST DECIDE SHIT-"</p><p>John just glares at Karkat as he interrupts to say, "he sleeps on the floor on a mattress-"</p><p>"WHICH IS-"</p><p>"Because. We decided to rent out a place -as a family- with three bedrooms and one office and <em>he</em> <strong>volunteered</strong> to sleep on a mattress that we could hide when our landlord came over-"</p><p>"OKAY. IF YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT SOLLUX AND HIS COMFORT, WHY DOESN'T HE SLEEP WITH YOU OR-"</p><p>"I have work, I can't afford to get sick again and Dave has <em>actual </em>insomnia and is trying to get work done."</p><p>"I HAVE INSOMI-"</p><p>"No. You don't. You just push yourself to stay up cause you're stubborn!" John then distracts himself for a moment, "like a cute puppy, trying to stay up so he doesn't miss anything."</p><p>John turns back to KK and then demands, "you are gonna spend the night cuddling, and you can just keep <strong>pretending </strong>that you're mad about it!"</p><p>"ARE YOU FUCKING KI-"</p><p><strong>"You do as I say."</strong> John uses his mean tone. There's no getting out of that.</p><p>Karkat groans, he's acting like you've never slept next to each other before and this is a horrible misfortune that's befallen him.</p><p>John points at Karkat and says, "I always work hard to look after the two of you, just for the time I'm at work, or in bed, I want you two to take care of each other."</p><p>John's looking right at you now, "Karkat is still sick, so don't give him a hard time. I want you two to use your ailment as a temporary truce."</p><p>You nod, "no prob."</p><p>KK crosses his arms and huffs. He scoffs out, "I'LL JUST SLEEP ON THE COUCH THEN IF SOLLUX JUST <strong>GETS </strong>TO USE MY BED."</p><p>John hits Karkat with the shit that always makes anyone instantly give in...</p><p>"Karkat... it would make <em>me </em>really happy if you didn't sleep on the couch again, you said it was starting to hurt your back... and I don't wanna see either of you all sick and sore."</p><p>Karkat can't even hope to combat that attack Egbert just dished out.</p><p>Karkat just turns around and says, "FINE. WHATEVER. I'M BUSY, SO GO!"</p><p>John laughs as he grabs onto the door handle, before he closes it he turns to you and says, "in the morning, you take vitamins and drink the orange juice in the fridge! There should be enough for a glass left. I'll buy more food after work, if you want something you text me."</p><p>John shuts the door as he says, "I love you both!"</p><p>Guess you know who you're sleeping with tonight.</p><p> . . .</p><p>You yawn and lean back in your chair, it's 4 a.m. You look at how much work you got done. Seems like a good place to stop for the night. </p><p>You turn your chair over towards where Karkat's sitting. He's got an Xbox controller in his hands as he fucks around with some game on his laptop.</p><p>He screams, "FUCK." KK slams down his controller and then grabs both sides of his head. </p><p>You laugh. </p><p>Karkat turns to face you and then presses a key on his laptop.</p><p>He has rings under his eyes. You sigh out your nose and tell him, "I'll be quiet."</p><p>"NO." Karkat sighs, "IT'S NOT THAT. I JUST... I THINK I'M TOO TIRED TO GO ON... AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK THIS WITHOUT YOU MAKING SOME KIND OF SHITTY JOKE."</p><p>"Dude..." You look down at the floor and shake your head as you say, "if you're gonna ask me if I 'wanna go to bed' don't worry, I won't take it as an opportunity to fuck with you."</p><p>"OKAY. I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. BUT I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A HARD TIME CONTROLLING YOURSELF WHEN SOMEONE GIVES YOU THE OPENING TO JOKE... SO I'LL PHRASE IT LIKE THIS..." </p><p>Karkat pauses and thinks carefully,</p><p>"DO YOU WANNA TURN IN FOR THE NIGHT?"</p><p>You ask, "...and sleep in the same bed like John said... we're still doing that, right?" </p><p>"YES." Karkat is making sure his words are slow and clear, "WE JUST BRUSH OUR TEETH, AND GO TO BED."</p><p>"Right." You nod. You get why Karkat is walking on eggshells talking to you, he thinks you're on the edge of making some kinda shitty sex joke.</p><p>You sigh and tell Karkat, "let's just go upstairs."</p><p>"RIGHT." Karkat nods.</p><p>The two of you close up everything for the night, head on upstairs, brush your teeth and slip into Karkat's room.</p><p>As soon as Karkat slips open the door he flips on the lights and expects you to leave them on. All of the LED lights in his room flicker on, a few small spotlights turn on and float around the room. There are strung up white christmas lights that are really just mini skulls. The best part is, his light on the ceiling is replaced with a a black disco ball with different colored leds. Pinks, greens and blues all swim around the room. It’s almost gives off the aura of being seductive, if it wasn’t for the mess. Why does he never pick up after himself? </p><p>You shut the door behind you and almost trip over an empty jug as you walk in. You make a sour face. The whole place always smells like febreze to hide the horrid the scent of all of Karkat's shit.</p><p>He's more like a packrat than a hoarder though, he just can't find the will to throw out most of his stuff. He'd hate to admit it, but Karkat gets attracted to things easy.</p><p>You found a couple of crazy ass things up here, like a flashlight that doubles as an umbrella, a tissue box holder where the tissue comes out of a cat's ass, a square magic eight ball, bandages that say fuck you on it, and a pink fuzzy elephant. Actually, there are a lot of cute things in here if you really look. He buries his cute stuff under figures of demons and Godzilla figurines. Honestly, most of his room looks like Spencer's, even his blanket on his bed mimics a ramen noodle package. You think Karkat's just addicted to little nick nacks but if he was more confident and just let shit roll off his back, he'd show off his Animal Crossing amiibos and his old beanie babies.  </p><p>Karkat slips under his sheet and scooches over so his back is up against the wall. Karkat drags out a large pillow shaped like a hot sauce bottle and puts his arms around it. He shuts his eyes and doesn't even seem disturbed that you're there.</p><p>He tells you with his eyes still shut, "MOVE YOUR ARMS OR YOUR LEGS PAST THIS PILLOW AND YOU DIE."</p><p>"Fair." You say.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You take a breath out your nose, you don't feel horribly sick yet... but it's only a matter of time.</p><p>Actually right now, you feel really comfortable.</p><p>You open your eyes and you can see a peak of sunlight creep past Karkat's taped down shutters and land right on the bed.</p><p>You see Karkat nuzzled up to his pillow, sleeping with his mouth wide open and his eyes shut. You like him a lot better when he's like this, quiet and unable to judge you.</p><p>Karkat flips around in bed again. He keeps tossing and turning in his sleep. He kicked you a few times by mistake, you can't even be mad because you basically smacked him on accident when you turned about an hour ago. His bed is so fucking tiny and it's a bitch to share with him when he keeps hogging up all the space he can. Karkat turns around again, he left his pillow behind this time. He usually needs to cling onto something when he sleeps... so he clings onto you.</p><p>Oh man... he's gonna be so pissed when he wakes up.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You must have fallen asleep again, Karkat's breathing into your chest. He hasn't moved since he clutched onto you. He nuzzles his head closer to you and holds on tighter.</p><p>You feel him shift, like he must have just woken up and realize what he's doing and how close he is to you. </p><p>You're expecting that he yell at you or grab a pillow and smack you with it. Karkat takes in a slow breath through his mouth and smacks his lips together. He sits up slowly and then rubs his eyes. He looks down at you and gives you an awkward frown, you try your best to smile. </p><p>Okay... you guess he's just going to ignore that he just cuddled up to you. That's what you're doing now... acting like this is normal.</p><p>This whole thing just feels so off, it always does whenever you two fall asleep next to each other...</p><p>You don't know how Dave and John do it.</p><p>. . .</p><p>In the morning, which for you all is one p.m. today, John wanted to make white rice and eggs again. He boiled some tomatoes and put them on the side, he expects that you all eat with him before he runs off to work but Dave's not even down yet.</p><p>You're all outside, sitting on the balcony again in your usual spots. You sniffle your nose. John asks you, "how are you feeling, honey?"</p><p>"Eh." You shrug, "no complaints. I feel content. I feel good. I feel average."</p><p>"GOOD OR AVERAGE?" Karkat asks. </p><p>You guess you just said two conflicting things, "GOOD."</p><p>"Good!" John smiles. "Keep taking that medicine everyday and take your vitamins and try to drink those carmel protein drinks, I know they aren't that good, but they were on sale."</p><p>Dave slips into the room and suggests, "use it as creamer, it works better in coffee."</p><p>John smiles when he sees Dave, "you say that everytime!"</p><p>"And everytime it's true." Dave settles down in his seat.</p><p>John leans over and gives Dave a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>None of you blink an eye at it normally, but today, you're starting to feel almost envious of John.</p><p>John can just cuddle up and say whatever he wants without any fear. You kinda wish you could ask if you could cuddle up to everyone on the couch to warm up when the AC starts freezing your balls off. John just cuddles up to whoever he decides gets love that day... you always secretly hope it's you. </p><p>When John starts digging into his bowl, you all follow.</p><p>Then Dave sparks up a conversation with John about how he's dressed, "you got work?"</p><p>"Yep." John nods. "I'm gonna leave in like thirty, just wanted to make sure you all eat first."</p><p>"Man," You say to John, "you're too good for all of us."</p><p>"Nah!" John disagrees, "you guys are all great! You're the perfect roommates cause you listen to me when I ask you to do things."</p><p>"Cept Karkat." Dave interrupts.</p><p>"No no." John wags his finger at Dave and says, "he's taking care of Sollux, just like I asked him to. And <em>just like</em> I’ve been talking care of my little honeybee baby boy."</p><p>"Really?" Dave turns his head away from you and focuses instead on Karkat. “For real?”</p><p>"WHY IS THAT SUCH A BIG DEAL?" Karkat comments on Dave's stupid dumb face.</p><p>Dave hums the <em>I donno </em>hum.</p><p>Dave then smiles at Karkat and says, "you deny it though... how you gave Sollux the <em>Egbert special."</em></p><p>"I DID WHAT JOHN ASKED OF ME. BECAUSE HE ASKED. AGAIN: NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL.”</p><p>"So..." Dave gives you a smug smile, "you two slept together?"</p><p>God damn it. You made it so far without saying that and Strider had to fucking ruin everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. THE START OF SOMETHING TERRIBLE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"ANOTHER DAY LOCKED IN THIS CELL IS JUST ANOTHER DAY OF PISSING OUTSIDE OF THE BARS. JUST TRYING TO <em>PISS</em> OFF THE GUARDS WITH MY OWN <em>PISS."</em> You've been adlibbing for way too fucking long now, you're out of material.</p><p>You're happy you don't have your camera on, no one can see how much your face is contorting right now in embarrassment. </p><p>You zip up your pants in game. This bit is getting old fast. </p><p>You're streaming in the office and Sollux is all the way on the other side of the room, talking to his stream as you talk to yours. You can only hear him mumbling from how thick your headphones are, but you know he's walking into the hall over to your cell. You can hear Sollux, in game, muttering to himself about how shit his job is in the hall. </p><p>The moment you see Sollux's character walk up, you whip out your virtual dick and start pissing again.</p><p>"Sir." Sollux is right about to tell you to stop, as he walks closer. You move towards him and try to piss on his character's shoe.</p><p>"Sir... Sir!" Sollux tells you, "stop pissing on me."</p><p>"OR WHAT, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?" You keep pissing on his leg.</p><p>"Sir. Please stop!" Sollux sounds like he's holding back a laugh as he jokes, "I'm about to get an erection."</p><p>Sollux probably thinks that shit is funny. Your chat might love it, but you're not amused.</p><p>"THEN DO IT! POP A BONER." You yell. "PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!"</p><p>"Sir. You're lawyer is right about to see you!"</p><p>"FINALLY!" You feel so relieved that you don't have to fucking do improve anymore! "I'M READY TO GET OUT OF HERE." </p><p>Sollux argues, "right, so what's going on between the two of us is gonna have to wait."</p><p>You narrow your eyes in real life and then have your character zip up his pants.</p><p>You ask the cop that Sollux is roleplaying, "WHERE IS THE BITCH?"</p><p>Sollux speaks through his huge-ass lisp, "she's in the other room."</p><p>You hear the door open in the jail cells hallway.</p><p>Sollux's character casually turns to face who just entered and he's met with a bullet right between his eyes.</p><p>You watch his body hit the floor. Instantly, he's dead.</p><p>You shout, "FINALLY."</p><p>You move your character to better see whoever is stepping over Sollux's body.</p><p>You recognize the character even though she's wearing all black and a facemask.</p><p>She's short, petite and... overly friendly.</p><p>"hey, there!" You hear Nepeta's voice. She must have been hired to free you.</p><p>"YOU THINK YOU CAN SHOOT THE LOCK OFF?" You ask Nepeta as she raises her gun towards you.</p><p>"I'm sorry, cutie!" She sounds like she's smiling, "it's nothing <em>purr</em>sonal!"</p><p>She places her gun, bearing a silencer, up to your character's eyes as she says, "it's just business!"</p><p>Nepeta pulls the trigger, and all of your hard work just fucking slipped right out of your fingers.</p><p>. . . </p><p>"THIS IS SUCH FUCKING BULLSHIT!"</p><p>This is all such shit and Dave is still laughing about what happened on stream at the table.</p><p>You grunt in frustration as you crumple up a napkin into a ball and toss it at him.</p><p>The crumbled ball bounces off of Dave's head and it drops down on onto his plate.</p><p>"THIS IS BULLSHIT! AND YOU THINK IT'S FUCKING FUNNY!?" You shout at Strider.</p><p>"You've been off for days! And the first thing that happens to you <em>both</em> is that you fucking die on stream!" Dave is cracking up. The sounds of his scattered laughter are drowning out the sound of rain as it pisses down past your balcony and onto the dirt.</p><p>You cross your arms and law back in your seat.</p><p>You and Sollux both exchange glances and then glare at Dave together.</p><p>You scratch at your third nicotine patch today. Shit. You still want a smoke, now more than ever. </p><p>John brings out the last dish he prepped for the meal and then Ecto takes his seat.</p><p>John looks at your faces and notices how upset and angry you and Sollux look.</p><p>John sighs like he's already tired of all your BS, "what happened, sweetie?"</p><p>John gently asks <em>you</em> why you look so pissed so you answer,</p><p>"NEPETA FUCKING PUT A BULLET IN MY SKULL." </p><p>"And mine!" Sollux tosses up his hands.</p><p>John shakes his head and frowns, "oh... please don't tell me this is one of those, 'a girl beat me at a game so now I'm angry' things. I thought we left all that in the nineties as a society?" John then questions himself, "or was it the early 2000's?"</p><p>"JOHN." You shout at him. "I'M PISSED BECAUSE SHE BETRAYED ME AND OUR TEAM<em> FOR MONEY."</em></p><p>"Whoa, like how much?" John frowns.</p><p>"I'M GUESSING DIRK WOULD SPRING SOME HARD CASH IN GAME FOR-"</p><p>John interrupts you, "Oh, this is <em>fantasy dollars... </em>then why even be mad?" </p><p>"I'M ANGRY AND I'M UPSET BECAUSE I SUNK HOURS INTO THAT CHARACTER AND I BUSTED MY ASS TO START A GANG -AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER IN GAME?"</p><p>John tilts his head and asks if it's "pretty hard?"</p><p>"YEAH, AND IT'D BE EVEN HARDER IF THE COPS SO WEREN'T FUCKING INEPT."</p><p>"Hey..." Sollux frowns. "I thought that was Terezi walking through the door-" </p><p>"YEAH!? WELL YOU COULD HAVE DRAWN YOUR GUN ONCE YOU SAW-"</p><p>John snaps at the two of you, "do I have to get the magazine?!"</p><p>John gives you a mean look, "don't you two fight! I worked all day and I stood on my sore feet to make you all a nice big meal and I wanna have a peaceful dinner without any fighting!"</p><p>Dave instantly agrees, "yeah... let's just eat."</p><p>Now you're really fucking pissed. "OH! YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOU WEREN'T LAUGHING IN MY FACE A MINUTE AGO BEFORE ECTO WALKED UP." You point at Dave and then blow him off with a hand wave, "FUCK OFF."</p><p>John slaps his hand onto the table, "no fighting at <strong>my</strong> table!" </p><p>"I wanna have a nice family meal!" John pouts at you. "Where my family is nice!"</p><p>John huffs and then settles down a tiny bit.</p><p>John looks at you with puffed up cheeks and tells you, "apologize."</p><p>You take in a deep breath and then cross your arms.</p><p>You're still to fucking sick and tired to get into shit. </p><p>"SORRY, JOHN. I GET THAT YOU COOKED ALL-"</p><p>"No! Not to <em>me."</em> John points at Dave, "you say you're sorry for cursing at Dave!"</p><p>"WHAT!?" You glare at the both of them.</p><p>"Say you're sorry, or you don't eat." John sounds just as tired as he is irritated. You guess you should just give in, plus... all these plates look good and you're pretty hungry. And even though Dave is a complete and total douche... the smell of all the food on the table is overriding your mind, you can't even bring yourself to find anything quippy to say... you better just go along with what Ecto wants.</p><p>"UGH. I'M SORRY I SAID 'FUCK OFF' AT THE TABLE. I GET IT. I SHOULDN'T HA-"</p><p>John stops you before you even really start, "don't make this about me and what I want!"</p><p>John pouts at you, "apologize to Dave!"</p><p>"UGH!" You look right at the fucker, Dave's wearing his shades at the fucking table when it's nearly black outside and pouring. Who the fuck does he think he's impressing? You swallow down all your pride and mumble, "SORRY, ALRIGHT. LET'S JUST EAT."</p><p>When John settles back into his seat, you take it as the okay to start digging in.</p><p>You grab a spoonful of fried rice and start filling your plate. </p><p>Sollux suddenly gasps and you all stare at him as he rushes to cover up his nose and then...</p><p>"ACHOO!"</p><p>...sneeze.</p><p>John instantly goes from pissed mom energy to dottering girlfriend energy,</p><p>"Oh, honey!" John starts getting up as he gestures for Sollux to sit still. "Hold on, I'm gonna grab some tissues... and some tea before your throat gets sore!"</p><p>John rushes back inside.</p><p>You groan and look at Dave again and whisper, "YOU KNOW THIS IS BULLSHIT."</p><p>"It's what you deserve." Dave is still bitter about his characters death, he told you he doesn't even like streaming!</p><p>John's back already. Shit. You don't even have a chance to tell Dave he's a cunt.</p><p>John says, "water's on the kettle... and <em>heere</em> is a packet." John hands over the tissue packet as he speaks. He apologizes and says, "they had a sale on the barbie themed ones. I hope you don't mind."</p><p>Dave jokes, "barbie is the shit."</p><p>"I know. I'm fucking stoked over here." Sollux mimics Dave's deadpan tone.</p><p>John giggles and then he pouts, "I get you two are mad... I know how much hard work you put into your little games and I get that's how you earn the money to bring home the bacon with, but I think you should stream a <em>nicer</em> game... I started playing Stardew Valley again. I think maybe you'd like playing something more calming like that-"</p><p>"No, there's already channels that own that conner of the market." Sollux shakes his head. "We need maybe more multiplayer streams."</p><p>Sollux turns to Karkat and says, "we should play a game together... maybe we can start up some characters in GTA just to fuck Terezi and Dirk over.”</p><p>"OH." You suddenly get an idea. One that you're sure would have come to you late at night as you stewed in a bath of your own rage over your premature death. "WE CAN FUCK WITH THEM ALRIGHT." </p><p>You nod and Sollux turns towards you, he almost looks like he's filled with dread.</p><p>"Don't tell me you have a plan." Sollux frowns.</p><p>"IF YOU'RE WILLING TO RISK GETTING PERMABANNED FROM THE SERVERS... I'VE GOT A REAL PLAN."</p><p>"Well shit." Sollux sighs and leans back into his chair. "You come up with your plan, and then after you scream it at me at 5 am... I'll find a way where the two of us won't get banned."</p><p>"ONE THING THOUGH..." You turn towards yourdadscock, "I NEED YOU IN ON THIS TOO."</p><p>"So... I can help you fuck over my brother?" Dave asks.</p><p>"Oh come on now, Dave." John turns to him.</p><p>All three of you drop your jaw as John says, "you boys need to take him down a peg. He's gotta learn some manners."</p><p>The whole table laughs. Ecto just sucked all the spite out from the table and replaced it with joy... like he always does. </p><p>John then smiles at you and asks, "why don't you see if Nepeta would be willing to help you when you start up your new game? I bet she would<em> love</em> too if <em>you </em>asked." John smiles at you.</p><p>You scoff at him and start digging into your fried rice again.</p><p>Dave's tearing apart a small loaf of bread and filling it with stew, "I'd be willing to talk her into our crew, I think she'd be down... I've watched her streams. She's hoarding her money and only spends it when she wrecks something, plus she keeps wrecking her cars on purpose and also getting fucked over by insurance scams. People just keep jumping in front of her car while she drives to get hit and she gives them coin so they won’t sue."</p><p>"and she pays them?” Sollux asks Dave. "not just like... 360 no scopes them?" </p><p>"Yeah." Dave nods and then takes a bite of his stew sandwich.</p><p>"Aw..." John starts digging into his own plate as he says, "I can see her getting tricked and feeling bad... she's so sweet."</p><p>"NO SHE ISN'T. SHE TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY SHE TROLLED A GIRL ONLINE JUST BECAUSE SHE LIKED A GAME LEIJON HATED."</p><p>Sollux nods, "she told me that the reason I can't keep a girlfriend is because I'm <em>too much of a work in progress </em>when I broke up with her, and she said that like <em>she thought</em> she was being nice." </p><p>"Oh. Well... maybe the tone came off wrong because it was over text..." John tells you, "I'm sure she meant it in a nice way and not... you know..."</p><p>Sollux tops off his point with, "and then she told me I should <em>fix </em><em>myself </em>and not make it a community diy project."</p><p>Dave mutters through his sandwich, "ouch." </p><p>You let out a small snicker, "SHE SAID THAT SHIT TO YOU."</p><p>You cross your arms and look over to him.</p><p>Sollux shrugs and sighs, "she even told me she was judging me <em>at my best."</em></p><p>Sollux laughs and says, "she's a real bitch."</p><p>John seems a bit concerned, "I think we need to pull her away from her computer for a while."</p><p>"CAN'T. IT'S HER WHOLE LIFE." You argue.</p><p>"What do you mean by that?" John asks you.</p><p>You shrug and say. "IT'S HER JOB." You start shoveling food into your mouth again. </p><p>Sollux picks up the reigns from there, "Ecto... dude, Nepeta is like a fucking pro at counter strike, like legitimately. She has to play constantly and GTA is what she does <em>in her down time.</em>" </p><p>Sollux then turns to you and argues, "so even <em>if </em>I did try to fight her off with my glock, I wouldn't be able to!"</p><p>Sollux then talks to John again, "and she's always online practicing or roleplaying, that's why she keeps calling me a pussy and a soyboy... I don't think she actually knows what that means."</p><p>"I think she does." Dave nods thoughtfully. </p><p>John laughs, "what does it mean?!"</p><p><em>"You don't know?"</em> Dave chuckles.</p><p>"I don't keep up with what's trending with the kids." John jokes. "Just tell me you're secret code words."</p><p>"It's like... a guy that's not manly at all-"</p><p><em>"Buuuullll </em>shit!" John nods and looks at all three of you, "Sollux is the manliest out of all of us!"</p><p>You swallow down your food and ask, "WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT." </p><p>"Sollux can take any insult and just let it roll off his back, we get upset when someone else even hints at criticism!" John argues, "Sollux is very assertive and emotionally strong and he always stands up for what he thinks is the right thing!" John argues that Sollux is a good man. And you'd hate to admit that Egbert's right... but he is. Sollux is pretty much all of those things.</p><p>John nods and says, "I think that's pretty manly!"</p><p>That would be a good place to stop, nope. Not for John, he just loves complimenting people in any way he can, </p><p>"and Sollux is so tall and handsome! I think he'd be a really good boyfriend... like he'd be so calming to be around! That's probably why the girls love him, everything is fun when Sollux is around and he's so huggable... it feels so nice when he holds you." John smiles and gently hugs himself.</p><p>Dave pauses for a moment. You don't know what's running through his mind, but he looks like his brain is struggling to process all the data that he was just hit with.</p><p>"...John... <em>top </em>energy isn't manliness." Dave tells him, "I think you're confused."</p><p>"Top energy...?" John asks Dave as he continues to hug his arms, "you mean like... Sollux would 'top' a <em>guy </em>or...?"</p><p>Sollux sounds like he's been holding in his breath since the conversation turned to him. He whimpers out, "please don't drag me back into this hell I'm trying to escape."</p><p>"I'll say it for you then." Dave nods and then tells the whole table, "Sollux would dominate all of us and that's something we have to live with."</p><p>"Whoa-whoa-whoa... wait!" John asks. "Um... even with all your big muscles... Sollux would top you?"</p><p>"Listen." Dave sounds oddly proud to say, "I've thought about this a lot. I know exactly the kinda vibe he has... Sollux would be a great lover, slow at first, but then he gets really greedy. He's the kind of man who would just use up your body and forget all about pleasing you... so he's at the very top of our <em>top</em> hierarchy."</p><p>Dave goes, on, </p><p>
  <em>'GOD. WHY IS HE GOING ON?'</em>
</p><p>"So, I'd be next in that line, I'd be able to top you and Karkat... but only through sheer force of will." Dave argues, "I think that Karkat would then be third and top you. While you are at the very bottom... the most prestige position."</p><p>John mutters and fiddles around with his fork and a piece of meat on his plate,</p><p>"Um... I guess... I think if I <em>had </em>to sleep with you guys though... I'd wanna be the top." John looks up at the ceiling. He gets flustered for a moment and says, "I mean... like just as a hypothetical and... oh jeez... how did we get on this topic?" John mutters.</p><p>"You could top me if you'd only ask-" Sollux yells at himself under his breath, "damn it."</p><p>Dave just ignores everything Sollux just said and asks for John's attention again. </p><p>"See." Dave explains, "John. You're never gonna know what feels right till you actually put yourself in that position. So you might not ever know."</p><p>Dave sounds like he's the <em>gay </em>expert when he's just as much as a basement dwelling loser as you are.</p><p>Then John starts stuttering. All three of you focus all of your attention to John as he say, </p><p>"Oh... I um... guess that Sollux kisses my neck a lot..." John looks sheepishly down at the table. </p><p>John continues muttering, "um... I really thought it was funny at first but... I might have..."</p><p>John covers his face with his hand as he confesses, "liked the attention."</p><p><em>'SHIT.'  </em>Since when did you start leaning forward towards John? </p><p>Whatever. You're only interested in what John's saying for Dave's sake... yeah... that's right.</p><p>John goes on, "just um... now I think it might make me nervous if he does it... all those joke messages have me feeling... kinda strange."</p><p>You can just feel all the heat radiating off of this whole table. Good thing it's pouring rain out, you're sure if it wasn't you'd be hearing the blood rushing from Dave's head down to his dick.</p><p>John looks around the table, "uh! Guys! Don't look at me like that!"</p><p>You all look at each other, Dave's completely red, and almost drooling. Sollux's bangs are sticking to his forehead... and you know that your jaw was hanging open. </p><p>John confesses, "okay! So... I'm feeling a little bit different about those kinda comments Sollux used to make about me <em>big whoop! </em>I just... I didn't<em> ever</em> think about... a guy liking me <em>like that."</em></p><p>"You do realize how hot you are... right?" Sollux comments, "I uh... I'm not saying that as a joke-sex thing... I really mean that you're like... uh- John... you could make a straight man's floppy dick turn into a vertical stick."</p><p>John snorts. "Ha!"</p><p>John then looks a little less nervous as he says, "I just... I never thought about being with a guy before... and now Dave's telling me he thought about all of you topping me and-"</p><p>"I thought about our energies!" Dave instantly argues. "Not so much sex stuff."</p><p>"You said you thought Sollux would be a greedy lover!" John shakes his head and gleefully calls Dave out, "you little liar!"</p><p>“I was talking about his ener-“ Dave sounds like he’s not buying his own bullshit, "Okay, fine! But... I didn't picture <em>all</em> of us topping you!" Dave argues.</p><p>"Just Sollux then?" John raises both his brows.</p><p>Sollux makes a sound, like air escaping out of a balloon.</p><p>You pat his back, "BREATHE."</p><p>"Am I really allowed to?" Sollux weakly asks.</p><p>You keep patting his back as his diaphragm expands and contracts.</p><p>"Really? You figured out all of that?" John asks Dave, "and you didn't picture all three of you having sex with me?"</p><p>Sollux finally lets out, "I do! I do that all the time!"</p><p>John instantly laughs.</p><p>"Oh God." Sollux wipes his bangs out of his face. "I can't keep it in. I need to get all this shit out of my system!"</p><p>Sollux jokes, "John, I'm sure you have a baby soft ass that would be a fucking riot to lick maple syrup off of. Karkat you and John could take <em>turns </em>topping each other and I'd give my left nut to see it. And Karkat, if I could only just stick two of my fingers inside of you to hear the noise you'd make I'd give the other nut too." Sollux takes a deep breath as he addresses Dave, "Dave... I... I'm not allowed to hit on you any more. Damn it. I have so much I wanna say!"</p><p>Dave replies to Sollux, “I’d be willing to hear you out.”</p><p>"Ep!"</p><p>Once Ecto made that noise, you three all turned and looked right at him.</p><p>John makes a face like he’s seen god.</p><p>Suddenly he shoots up and stands.</p><p>"The tea!" John shouts.</p><p>John gets up and rushes over to the electric kettle and heads inside.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Just Breathe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're standing over the counter, just staring at the electric kettle. You can't even bring yourself to grab a cup.</p><p>You don't know what's gotten into you these past few days.</p><p>Your mind's just been on having a male secret admirer and maybe if you could... and this is a still just a <em>maybe, </em>actually <em>be </em>with a guy... so you started thinking about Sollux kissing you and Dave snuggling you and Karkat always doing whatever you ask cause he has a soft spot for you. And you thought about how you'd feel if you found out that one of those three were behind the messages and... and...</p><p>You feel so hot in your gut right now. </p><p>You didn't want your day to go like this! With you just stuttering about how you'd wanna be a top if you had to choose and... you got all flustered and... to make matters worse...</p><p>
  <em>All three of the boys seemed into it.</em>
</p><p>You've been reading those messages over and over and picturing someone being in love with you and how... how... horny your roommates jokes always are and <strong>just <em>were!</em></strong></p><p>At the table, Dave, your best friend for years, was just talking about how he put thought into who would be at the very top and the very bottom if you four had a foursome or something! Sollux seemed like he was up for the idea, though if that is a joke or not that is yet to be disclosed... and even Karkat was looking at you like you were a dish on tonight's menu!</p><p>It could all just be a joke! Or like... the kinda hypothetical sex talk the girls get into... or like... No, yeah! it could all just be a joke! But uh... Sollux's jokes were<em> way</em> too on point to have not been some strange ass thoughts he had late at night and Dave thought way too much about how Sollux would be as a lover and you <em>really </em>don't like what that makes you feel in your gut.</p><p>Shit. Okay. You need to walk through this... bit by bit!</p><p>It started when Dave was talking about Sollux having top energy, whatever that is, and how he would... <em>dominate all of you!? </em>Would he really!? Would Sollux actually be willing to? And Dave has abs and muscular arms... and he'd still get... topped by... UGH! You're trying to figure out what about <em>all </em>of <strong>this </strong>has you so fucked up... but you're starting to think that all of it has you fucked up.</p><p>And Dave just saying to you, "<em>John. You're never gonna know what feels right till you actually put yourself in that position." </em>You hate that it almost sounds like an invitation... for you to like experiment or something!</p><p>So then after you said you were starting to like Sollux's kisses and you managed to stop yourself from saying that you really <em>could </em>see yourself bottoming. After you said you liked the attention, you were trying to make everything into a joke, you were <em>trying </em>to have fun and gain some semblance of control on what you were feeling... but when Dave seemed excited to hear what Sollux wanted to do to him... after Sollux said that he wanted to finger Karkat just to hear what noises he made...</p><p>
  <em>'AURRRGH!'</em>
</p><p>What is going on with your head!?!</p><p>Oh God! And Karkat was pretty much drooling onto the table as you stuttered out that you liked the attention that Sollux gave you!</p><p>Bu-but! You should just focus on that! You like the attention cause you're lonely and you just want someone to find you attractive! You <strong>could </strong>still be straight! You could be!</p><p>
  <em>'GOD DAMN IT!'</em>
</p><p>Now you can't stop picturing Sollux walking up behind you and sucking on your neck! He just... walks up to you and wraps his hands around your waist, like always... and he feels you up and you laugh like it's a joke... till he bites you a little to hard and you let out a little yelp. You'd start to pant and Sollux would start going harder... and... you'd moan... and you'd be right there in the living room, yeah. And Dave and Karkat would be watching you both. Karkat always gets so angry whenever Sollux feels you up... maybe when Sollux starts rubbing his hands under your shirt, Karkat would start pulling Sollux off of you and confess that he wants to do that to you. so Karkat... starts... forcing Sollux off of you and demanding that he can have you... and then... Dave... He's even more vicious about getting to have you first.</p><p>"John?" Dave opens the door and asks, "are you alright?"</p><p>You yelp and jump up. You mutter out, "Uh... y-yes! I'm fine!" </p><p>You're obviously not. You're dripping in sweat and panting like nuts. You're shaking like you're in shock and Dave is frowning at you like he's walking you off of a ledge. </p><p>"Are you sure you're okay?"</p><p>"Peachy!" You give him the okay sign.</p><p>"Uh... good cause... um..." Dave walks over to you and says, "listen... I'm sorry for saying all that back there. If It made you uncomfortable-"</p><p>You talk over him as quickly as you can, "uncomfortable? I'm not uncomfortable! Why'd you imply that?"</p><p>"Cause you're all tensed up and you've been standing in here for five minutes."</p><p>"I just..." You wipe the sweat off of your forehead.</p><p>The sound of rain pouring outside is thankfully masking the awkward silence that has fallen between you and your best friend.</p><p>"Dave..." You look down at the ground. "I... I'll be honest with you..."</p><p>You keep staring down at the tile floor as you confess,</p><p>"I've never thought of men... wanting me before... and viewing me like... a plaything and it's... it's just so new to me so... I'm kinda in shock." You lift up your shoulders and shrug. You look back up at Dave and wait on his thoughts.</p><p>"Oh... well... if you're... freaked out by our Uh... <em>jokes</em>... we can talk about something else at the table?" Dave suddenly seems ultra nervous, oh no... you didn't wanna freak him out too! Dave continues, "apparently Nepeta is working with Dirk to send bad reviews in mass for this one game they both hate that just came out."</p><p>"Oh. I'll... have to talk them out of it. Review bombing doesn't do anyone any good." You lightly shake your head.</p><p>"It's only because the site censored the bad reviews so they want it to match what it was before." Dave shrugs.</p><p>"Oh. That's different. Then I guess don't care." You go back to trying to find your usual Egbert energy. "I... don't know... maybe there was a reason they censored it... I'd have to hear the full story."</p><p>Dave walks up to you and puts his hand on your shoulder.</p><p>Dave offers that you should "worry more about yourself first, man."</p><p>Dave smiles down at you and kindly tells you, "you're always worried about other people and the stupid shit they do... maybe you should just focus on yourself for once. For my sake, I get worried about you too, you know."</p><p>You slip, not on your feet of course, more like in your mind.</p><p>Dave's being so kind to you.</p><p>Dave's always so kind to you.</p><p>Sollux always depends on you.</p><p>Karkat instantly gives in and does whatever you want.</p><p>Dave has such a warm smile when he actually wears it.</p><p>Sollux is so handsome and tall.</p><p>Karkat is so cute with his adorable face.</p><p>It feels so good to be in Dave's arms.</p><p>It feels so nice when you wrap your arms around Sollux.</p><p>It feels so warm when Karkat lets you cuddle with him.</p><p>Dave's always been a great friend to you, your whole life.</p><p>Sollux and Karkat started depending on you when you moved to the east coast to live with them.</p><p>They always do everything in their power to make you happy and to make you laugh...</p><p>And... Didn't Sollux just say something about wanting to lick syrup off of your ass.</p><p>You chuckle.</p><p>Dave starts rubbing your shoulder with his palm as he softly asks, "what so funny?"</p><p>"Nothing... just... go back outside." You place your hand onto his and then grasp it. You slowly pull it off of you as if you're handing it back to him.</p><p>You smile like you're feeling better already, still...</p><p>"I just need a moment to myself."</p><p>"Ohhhhkay...?" Dave backs away. "Well... if you need to talk to me about<em> anything...</em> my door's always open."</p><p>"Thank you, Dave." You smile and nod. "I just... I just need a moment to just... breathe."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. the truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>First thing you say when you shut the glass slide door behind you is,</p><p>"We broke John's mind." </p><p>You settle down into your chair again as Sollux asks you, "what?"</p><p>You just blankly look out at the rain that's starting to calm down a bit,</p><p>"I think John's in there combing through his thoughts about all the shit we just told him. I-"</p><p>"WHAT'S THE <em>WE </em>SHIT? IT WAS YOU AND PISSBONER AND OVER HERE." Karkat gestures at Sollux with his thumb and then crosses his arms.</p><p>Sollux laughs and then asks, "Uh... like you weren't drooling over EB while we were all thinking about Ecto getting triple-pwned by his basement dwelling roommates!"</p><p>"HEY!" Karkat points at the taller man sitting next to him, "WHATEVER IS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND IS GOING THROUGH<em> YOUR</em> MIND AND <em>YOURS</em> ALONE! I WAS JUST SHOCKED HE WAS SAYING THAT SHIT AND ACTUALLY <em>LIKING </em>YOU GROPING HIM."</p><p>You argue with Karkat, "Dude. No. You looked like you were ready to learn how to play the meat flute." </p><p>"FUCK OFF." Karkat flips you off and then shovels a brussel sprout into his open maw. </p><p>"You did." Sollux agrees with you. "You can't deny it, KK."</p><p>"WHAT!?" Karkat turns it back onto Captor, "ARE YOU GONNA ARGUE THAT EVERYTHING YOU SAID TO US WAS JUST A JOKE? OR ARE YOU GONNA OWN UP AND ADMIT THAT YOU LIKE THE THOUGHT OF FINGER BANGING ALL OF US!?"</p><p>"I have no control over my own mind! You know that!" Sollux sounds honestly upset.</p><p>"SO THAT'S THE ARGUMENT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE?"</p><p>"Dude! I just think fucked up thoughts all the time and have no control over the rollercoaster ride that is my brain!" Sollux argues.</p><p>"Guys." You interrupt. "Stop fighting right now, okay? I'm like... in crisis mode."</p><p>You try your best to remain calm, but you're struggling. You whimper a tiny bit as you confess,</p><p>"John's in the kitchen, actually thinking about having a fourway with all of us, and he's like either freaked out to hell by it or turned on... I can't tell."</p><p>Sollux looks like he's right about to get up from his seat, he asks,</p><p>"Want me to check it out?"</p><p>"NO." "No!" You and Karkat both shout at the same time. </p><p>"YOU'LL MAKE IT WORSE." Karkat argues.</p><p>"Yeah, just stay put and keep your hands where <em>I </em>can see them!" You're the one who's in love with John! You have been forever! If John is thinking about being with a guy you're still holding the number 1 ticket in line!</p><p>"Oh.. fine..." Sollux puts his elbows on the table and then rests his head in his hands.</p><p>Sollux rolls his eyes behind his specs and then confesses, "kinda makes me wish I got out what I wanted to do to you. I think he would have enjoyed it."</p><p>"Just for the sake of interest... what were you gonna fuckin say?" You nod your head, you know this is all just a big game to him, still you wanna know.</p><p>"Well." Sollux looks up at the awning as he says, "it's just that I'm willing to bet money that when you get close, you start to cry and your body shakes like you're having a seizure."</p><p>You don't say anything to that.</p><p>You just shut your mouth and put on that immovable stone face you've trained yourself to wear.</p><p>Sollux removes his head from his hands and starts smiling at you.</p><p>Sollux smiles with his mouth wide open and then whispers, "is that like... true?"</p><p>You just start digging into that rice John made... man, the onions in this thing really make the whole dish come together. You've gotta tell him he makes the best fucking god damn rice you've ever had.</p><p>You just focus on the dish as Sollux erupts into vile laughter. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Envy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re losing your damn mind over here. </p><p>You're wiping your eyes free of your tears. You remember Karkat bitching once about hearing noises come from Dave's room, like he was fucking himself in there. You bet when Dave gets close when he uses vibrators and shit on himself he starts freaking shit. You can only imagine how much he'd squirm if you stuck some fingers in him- <em>'DAMN IT!'</em> Your fucking brain is on the fritz again. </p><p>This sucks so fucking much, you finally decide to quit play-flirting with your roommates and you fell on the wagon faster than Dave pops a boner when John sucks an ice pop!</p><p>You groan and rub your bangs back with both your palms, you groan, "we need to end all this, otherwise it's going to be the death of you and me both.”</p><p>Dave responds with, "I thought you'd be pumped to hear John's thinking about fucking guys?"</p><p>He sounds bitter, you need him to know, "dude. Listen. You really want your <em>real </em>love confession to John being you getting down onto your knees and kissing his tip before you even kiss him? It's good that John is thinking about being with guys, that means he's open to the idea... but we need to wean him off of thinking of cocks, otherwise he might get cold feet... or worse... he might start really sending that anon account of yours nudes."</p><p>Karkat nods, "HATE TO KEEP AGREEING WITH THIS FUCKER... BUT SOLLUX <em>IS</em> RIGHT. WE SHOULD GET JOHN MORE FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU HONESTLY FEEL FOR HIM.”</p><p>“I tell him that all the time.” Dave argues.</p><p>You tell Dave, “talk to John as yourself. Tell him what you love about him and maybe tell him he’d be a great boyfriend, just drop some hints that you're the one that's interested.”</p><p>Dave shakes his head, “I couldn’t do that...”</p><p>You tell Dave, “sure you can! Well even join in.”</p><p>“YEAH.” Karkat agrees with you, “WE’LL JUST TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN REAFFIRM FOR JOHN OVER IM LATER... LIKE... YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH HIS COOKING?"</p><p>"Can't get enough." Dave nods.</p><p>"You're... nuts about his laugh." You point out.</p><p>"Also: can't get enough." Dave agrees.</p><p>"WE ALL NEED TO GET JOHN TO THINK THAT ABOUT ALL OF US, THAT WE ALL LOVE HIM FOR HIS COOKING, TERRIBLE JOKES AND HOW MUCH HE TAKES CARE OF US. IF WE CAN MAKE HIM THINK OF ROMANCE FIRST, IT'LL BE EASIER ON JOHN AND YOU BOTH." Karkat tells Dave.</p><p>"Finally, all the romcoms paid off." You joke with the two of them.</p><p>Once finish your sentence, you get a small smile out of Dave. Then he looks up behind you.</p><p>John slides open the door and TG asks him, "you, okay?"</p><p>“I’m fine." John sits back down into his seat. "I just didn’t expect all those jokes to hit me at once... ha… it's almost felt real and it shocked me for a moment.” John awkwardly smiles. </p><p>You watch John go from nervous to sweet again all of a sudden,</p><p>“You boys wanna watch more of that show with the super heroes?”</p><p>“FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW I DO.” Karkat's already down.</p><p>John laughs, “well, I’d love to watch any episode that has the guitar boy in it.”</p><p>Dave hums and leans back into his chair. “Think he shows up again soon, that’s what Nepeta told me.” Dave explains, “she said something about the ending of the season finale disappointing me and I’m just assuming it’s because he’s in it.”</p><p>John laughs again, “maybe we should binge the show tonight!”</p><p>"I'd be disappointed if we didn't." Dave smiles.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You spent the whole dinner hyping up what a good job John did in the kitchen today. He still apologized for not making any desert today. You all instantly brushed that off like it wasn't a big deal, still John looked hurt about it. All three of you jumped in and bombarded John with compliments about how John's always looking out for all three of you. John seemed so touched that he offered to cook you all something nice again tomorrow, seeing that he was off. You really do love him to death, you hope he knows that you're words aren't just flattery. </p><p>John gave all three of you some more complements at the table too... He seems to think that you're the manliest guy in the house, you always thought that was Karkat. He always smells funky and he downs expired milk like Strider probably downs dildos. Shit, maybe even Dave is manlier than you, he gets up and jogs at random and he has this training regiment that he has to stick too and if he loses his abs, Dirk's supposed to come to your house and beat him up and vise-versa. You think Dave's already more of a man than you for being able to deal with Dirk throughout his whole childhood. Still, everyone at the table thinks that John's the real man of the house. John's the one running the show and he kicks everyones booty-butts into gear. Yeah. You don't understand why John pictures you as manly at all. </p><p>Maybe you’re not as assertive and manly as John thinks…</p><p>Like. You can’t ask for what you really want cause it seems<em> too gay.</em></p><p>You’re sitting on the couch, next to Dave. You’re resting your arms onto the top of the couch and somehow Dave ended up on the edge of his seat. You were kinda hoping that TG would have laid down on your chest and then you could hug him and love ‘em… you kinda wanna cuddle. You're in one of those moods.</p><p>John huffs again. He tosses around on the other couch. He can’t get comfy. EB’s resting his head on Karkat’s shoulder. He complains, "you're not cuddling properly."</p><p>Karkat tells John, “THEN MOVE.”</p><p>“No." John snuggles up to him, "I wanna be next to you.”</p><p>“UGH." Karkat tries to push Egbert off of him, "WHY?”</p><p>“Because I love you.” John sounds like he’s giving Karkat puppy dog eyes. </p><p>Vantas gives in. He lifts up one arm and John rushes to hug him. Within the same minute, John’s complaining that Karkats not holding him right,</p><p>“I need to get Sollux and Dave to teach you about proper couch snuggling… you we’re so nice to sleep with but this is really uncomfortable.”</p><p>Karkat looks stunned as he shouts, “I-"</p><p>You snicker with your mouth closed. Karkat stops talking.</p><p>You guess that Vantas must have slept with Egbert when you were gone and KK's embarrassed to let you know.</p><p>KK's mouth is hanging wide open as he looks over at you and Dave. </p><p>John lifts up his head and hums as he looks over at you as well.</p><p>You offer to EB, “I’m down to snuggle.”</p><p>“Come here!” John cheers. “Oh! You too, Dave, family cuddle time!”</p><p>Karkat grumbles out, “I’M OUT.”</p><p>John clamps his arms shut around Karkat and shouts,</p><p>“I worked all day!” John mumbles, “you stay put!”</p><p>Karkats trying to break free, pretending he doesn’t want it. Everyone here knows he loves a good cuddle, he just doesn’t like seeming weak or gay or whatever.</p><p>You sit down next to KK and wrap your arms around him. Karkat grumbles and gives up.</p><p>Dave steps over and places one blanket over you and Karkat and then one on John. TG wraps his arms around John and the two of them look just like lovebirds in a love nest. John’s rubbing his face into Dave’s chest. You and Karkat are watching them more than the show. You're holding on tight to KK as you look over at your other two roommates.</p><p>EB and TG look like a couple already. You feel almost… </p><p>John lifts up his chin and places a big kiss on Dave’s cheek. The two of them look so peaceful. Like two parts of the same whole, joking together. You feel so... </p><p>...Jealous.</p><p>. . .</p><p>John came down and yelled at Karkat. He demanded that kk let you sleep in his bed the moment you sat down to start working on your computer in the office. You’re not sure how this is gonna go, but kk agreed to it.</p><p>kk’s lights kinda keep you up at night, so you already downed some melatonin in the ultimate form, the strawberry gummy form. You asked Karkat to take some too. When you handed it over to him, it was pinched in your fingers… he assumed you wanted him to bite half of it… from your hand. You watched as he snipped at the gummy, eating only half of it as you pinch the other half in between your fingers.</p><p>You laughed it off, he told you that the doze you use is too high for him so he needs to just eat half and he was sure that you were playing some kinda stupid joke on him. KK said he only played into it just to make you step off.</p><p>Yeah, you're still laughing it off like it's a funny fucking joke, but you had to admit... that was painfully cute. Karkat has such fat cheeks when he pouts and he’s so short so he’s always looking up at you.</p><p>Took all your willpower not to just pinch his puffy cute cheeks and peck ‘em both. But, if you did, he’d think you’re into the foursome idea for sure… which…</p><p>You’re not sure if you are or aren’t.</p><p>You’ve pictured banging John, yeah, but who hasn't? He’s got that kinda ass that you could take a ride on and double team. Yeah, shit if you could spit roast John with Vantas, the two of you would be letting out all your frustrations on that boy's poor throat and ass. But- no! This is just your fucked up mind playing tricks on you. You wouldn’t… you’re not even interested in Egbert and you wouldn’t ever do that to Dave either. </p><p>
  <em> 'Hm...' </em>
</p><p>You always kinda thought that Dave looked hotter than he acted, he was like this dorito dust-fingered mess who looked like a fucking model. If he cleaned up, he’d be on the front cover of like vogue or something. You can see yourself fucking him, sure… and you even thought a few times about dating him just to try to see if you’d like guys like that… but nah. You probably only really like one type of person.</p><p>Maybe you should call Aradia again and talk...</p><p>. . .</p><p>You yawn as you hover over the toilet. You’re just finishing up pissing. Karkat's been pushing his knees up into your gut, he kept pushed on your bladder and you had to leave for the toilet. He's still asleep, but he got fussy when you got up. He started coping and whiny like a baby. If he knew he acted like that in his dreams, you're sure he'd never let you see him sleep.</p><p>You pull up your pants and make sure to wash your hands long enough to not get scolded from Karkat. He keeps telling you he doesn’t want to smell the dick cheese on your hands, but he’s the one who keeps grabbing onto them and pulling them up to his mouth while he’s sleeping... and on top of that, your crotch is clean!</p><p>It’s his own damn fault that he keeps sniffing your hands! He gets so grabby in his sleep and that gummy he ate knocked him out. Whenever you get into bed together, KK always grabs your arms and cuddles them like they’re a stuffed animal. Oh great, the very moment you get in bed, he starts doing it again.</p><p>You’d rather lay in a way that’s more comfortable but kk decided he wanted to be your own persona handcuffs... You take your arms back and he sleepily grunts. You run your arm under his body and then wrap your other arm around him. You fully hug him and Karkat hugs back. </p><p>KK clings to you, sleepily whining and smacking his lips. You shut your eyes and dizzy drift back into sleep. </p><p>When you wake up, you’re on your back and Karkat is asleep on your chest. His whole body is resting on top of yours. You couldn’t move if you wanted to.</p><p>You shut your eyes and take in that sweet, sweet fucking bro cuddle… til… he wakes up.</p><p>Karkat breathes only one long deep breath before he lift up his head and smacks his lips together. He looks down at you. He glares right into your eyes.</p><p>You smile and say, “morning.”</p><p>Karkat rolls over and falls back down onto his side of the bed.</p><p>He grabs onto your arms again.</p><p>You frown.</p><p>
  <em> 'It’s better than nothing.' </em>
</p><p>. . . </p><p>You drifted back into sleep, when you wake up Karkat isn't holding onto your chest or your arms anymore. He’s still laying besides you but not cuddling, so it looks like he's up. You open your eyes and look at him.</p><p>You can hear the sounds of his strobe lights mechanically moving around, there's the sound of a small ticking clock somewhere. Karkat is biting on his thumb nail. He’s not looking at you and it doesn’t look like he wants to.</p><p>Karkat randomly says, “OKAY.” Karkat looks up at you. You make a sour face at how rancid his breath smells. “I’VE GOT A PLAN.”</p><p>“Does it involve brushing your teeth?”</p><p>Karkat pouts at you. </p><p>“Okay!” You laugh, “go on, I can deal. Just don’t pout like that, it makes me want to kiss you!”</p><p>. . .</p><p>“SO ALL THREE OF US ENTER TOWN AROUND THE SAME TIME.” Karkat explains to the table, “WE'RE GONNA MAKE MONEY BY ROBBING GAS STATIONS FIRST AND QUICKLY MOVE INTO MAKING BUSINESSES PAY PROTECTION MONEY FROM US IN OUR OLD TERRITORY.”</p><p>You're all sitting outside again, waiting on breakfast. You sip from your mug the tea John made your for your throat.</p><p>“Dirk probably claimed everything that was ours by now.” Dave shrugs.</p><p>“DOESN'T MATTER. HE CAN'T OVERSEE <em>EVERYTHING</em> AT ONCE. MY INTEL TOLD ME THAT DIRK'S MAIN PLACE OF OPERATIONS IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. IF WE START ON THE EDGE OF THE CITY, DIRK MIGHT HAVE A HARDER TIME GAINING BACK TERRITORY ONCE WE TAKE IT. <em>AND</em>, ONCE WE GET BETTER ESTABLISHED, WE CHANGE ROLES. DAVE, YOUR JOB IS GOING TO BE COLLECTING THE MONEY. SOLLUX, YOU’RE GOING TO BE HELPING ME RECRUIT MORE PEOPLE AND BUYING ARMS. THEN WE’RE GOING TO PROBABLY START SELLING CRACK.”</p><p>You hear the door slide open.</p><p>“If you wanna fuck over Dirk, is making another gang the best idea?” Dave asks,” Why don’t you ask Nepeta to take you under and teach you how to be an assassin?” </p><p>You answer Dave's question, “CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET HIT ON EVERY FUCKING TIME I LOG INTO MY STREAM.”</p><p>“Then why are you playing with Sollux?” John finally comes out with a tray of crepes.</p><p>John giggles as he puts the tray down on the table and all three of you start digging in.</p><p>“You boys are so hungry today! I better cook another feast for you three!”</p><p>John walks over to his side of the table and Dave kisses the side of his head as a thank you.</p><p>John giggles again.</p><p>The way John shuts his eyes and crinkles his nose when he laughs, it’s so cute. You wanna kiss him too...</p><p>You voice your complaints, “John, you’re too cute.”</p><p>John looks up at you and lets out a tiny chuckle.</p><p>Ugh! You wanna hold him! </p><p>John giggles when Dave nods and agrees, “yeah, man. You’re so fuckin’ cute, you put puppies in costumes to shame.”</p><p>Dave has jam and some of the crepe coming out of his mouth as he struggles to agree.</p><p>John grabs a napkin from the middle of the table and starts patting down Dave's face. You narrow your eyes at the scene. John’s so gentle and kind to Dave… shit… you really are jealous.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Once you’re done with breakfast… John picks you to cuddle with on the couch. Score!</p><p>You wrap both your arms around him and have him rest on your chest while you lay your head down on KK's lap. Vantas crosses his arms, looks like he want to cuddle too, too bad he's too shy to ask for something so gay.</p><p>You don't even care anymore. You tell John, "I fuckin' love cuddling with you, my guy."</p><p>John giggles, "I love hugging you too!"</p><p>
  <em> 'Ugh. Fuck.' </em>
</p><p>“And I’m glad I’m <em>your guy!</em>” John giggles. You love him! EB’s like if the world's cutest puppy adopted a person and the baby grew up in it's perfect image! You look over at Dave, of course he looks at you and frowns. You lift up your head and say, “yo, Strider, wanna take this into your room? All four of us just cuddle on your bed and watch this french shit under your sheets.”</p><p>John instantly shoots up, “yes! Let's go now!"</p><p>You laugh and sacrifice your idea of a perfect day on the couch for something Dave might actually be cool with. </p><p>Cause that's what bros are for.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. When the Truth Comes Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're biting on your bottom lip with your overbite. </p><p>
  <em>'Maybe this was a bad idea.'</em>
</p><p>All four of you are in bed. Together. Karkat is pressed against your chest and Sollux keeps feeling up your waist. Dave’s crotch is rubbing up against your ass. UGH! Sollux just called you cute again. You start to sweat a little.</p><p>Sollux sniffles his nose, you use it as an out. “Oh no! I better get you a tissue-“</p><p>“Still got that packet.” Sollux digs into his pajama pants pocket. “Thanks though.”</p><p>Shit. Now yours stuck thinking about… how big your best friend's <em>packet</em> feels against your ass. You frown. You don’t think this means your gay just because you're focused on the feeling or-</p><p>Dave moves a bit closer to you as he adjusts. Dave’s crotch is digging into your ass and you feel your face flush- <em>'Okay! That’s enough!'</em></p><p>You sit up and shout, “I gotta pee!”</p><p>You get up and rush to the bathroom. When you shut the door you look in Dave's dirty bathroom mirror.</p><p>
  <em> 'No! That was supposed to be bro time!<strong> And it's ruined!'</strong> </em>
</p><p>All four of your roommates are in Dave’s bed and you can’t even enjoy it cause you keep feeling like they… they wanna feel you up! </p><p>You bet they really do wanna feel you up and... you... you don't know if you like that or not.</p><p>You frown at yourself in the mirror.</p><p>You didn’t want to do this… but you’re going to have to ask.</p><p>You walk back out and grab your phone from Dave's night stand. </p><p>You smile at all three of them, “I forgot I had to make a call! I’ll be right back!” You cheer, hoping they don't notice how bad you're sweating right now. </p><p>Dave sweetly looks up at you, “If we get to an episode with Luka, we’ll stop watching and just put on something else.” </p><p>“Thanks, Dave!” You smile as you see yourself out.</p><p>. . .</p><p>"Come on... pick up, pick up, <strong>pick up!"</strong></p><p>You're pacing back and forth in the living room.</p><p>He's not picking up! You called him twice already.</p><p>When it gets to voicemail you hang up and then move outside.</p><p>You need a breather, even if you can't get the guy on the line, you can at least pretend that you're on your phone just to get away from the bro pile. </p><p>Once you sit down at side and look at the sun glistening on the lake, your phone rings!</p><p>You rush to pick it up and it slips up in the air like a bar of soap, you catch it and then press the green on your screen to answer the call.</p><p>You sheepishly laugh and answer, “ha… hi…”</p><p>“Speak.”</p><p>“Not even a 'hello, how are you!?'" You puff out one of your cheeks and huff, "Dirk! I knew you since the sixth grade!”</p><p>“Then you know me well enough to know I don’t like small talk." He's as cold as ever. "State your business.”</p><p>“I… okay! So I was just watching this show with my boys-"</p><p>Dirk interrupts you, "get to the point. I'm busy."</p><p>You guess that Dirk is a busy guy, he works even more on his streams that your roomies do and he's <em>much</em> more popular too -people regonize him on the street! -He's got a lot going on in his life and he's nice enough to take time out of his day to talk to you... even if he's rude! </p><p>You sigh and get right to the point,</p><p>"I just wanted to ask… how did you um… first realize that you were…” You swallow down some spit and whisper so low you hardly even hear yourself, “gay?”</p><p>"Seriously… you’re asking me that?" Dirk sounds either pissed or amused. You can't tell! He's so monotone.</p><p>"Uhhh..." You blankly stare over to the side. You feel like you want to avoid making eye contact with his gaze and he’s not even in the room.</p><p>“Is this some kind of joke… or did you finally realize that you’re a twink?” Dirk lets out a small laugh, like he can't believe what he's hearing. </p><p>“Dirk!" You feel your face get hot. "I asked <em> you </em> a question!”</p><p>“Okay…" Dirk pauses for a moment, he sounds like he's dwelling on what he should tell you, "I was fairly young, and I just started puberty. I realized I like men from looking at magazine covers and shit I found online. When I got older I started making out with your cousin-”</p><p>“Ew.” You add in. Dirk doesn’t miss a beat,</p><p>“-and that solidified my theory that I like men and men only.”</p><p>“But... I don’t like… feel anything for like models and stuff…” You frown.</p><p>“Alright, you asked out Roxy, didn’t you?" Dirk asks a rhetorical question and then a real one, "did you like the way she looks?”</p><p>“Uh-“ Before you can even answer, Dirk's listing out what makes her hot- uh! You mean desirable! </p><p>“Perky tits, blonde hair, full lips. She’s got an hourglass figure too, I'd argue if you’re not sexually attracted to her…”</p><p>“I!” You frown and start to think out loud, “I think she’s super nice and I asked her out cause I like Roxy for her personality-“</p><p>“Would you fuck her?” Dirk bluntly asks.</p><p>“I- I’m not so shallow I thought about her <em>like that!” </em></p><p>"But you wanted to date her? Don’t you think that sex would be a part of your relationship?" Dirk points out.</p><p>"I- I wanted to date her because she's nice! I thought it would be fun to go on dates with her and- and... ARUGH!" You're getting frustrated. "I don't think it's fair to Roxy to just... talk about her behind her back like this!"</p><p>"She talks about<strong> you</strong> like this behind <em>your</em> back." Dirk argues.</p><p>That’s shuts you up for a while. You gather together the strength to meekly ask, "Uh... uh-um... really?"</p><p>Dirk is always so candid, but he sounds even more forthright when he says, "why would I lie?" </p><p>"Uh... you could have been making a joke." You ask with a lack of confidence, "is... it a joke?"</p><p>"On the nights she visits me to have drinks, Roxy often talks about how... <em>kissable your face is... </em>and I'd agree that I bet you make the cutest face when you're right about to cu-"</p><p>"Okay! Okay! I get it!" You don't wanna hear any more. "Let's not make this about me!"</p><p>"So this conversation is still mainly about how <em>I </em>realized that I am interested in men?" Dirk doesn’t sound amused.</p><p>"Yes!" You nod with confidence.</p><p>"Because you want to know if you, yourself, are gay?" Dirk adds.</p><p>"I..." You pause and slow the conversation to a grinding halt.</p><p>You take your time piecing everything in your mind together.</p><p>When you were making tea for Sollux in the kitchen, you were thinking on just how much you like your roommates... how much you love them and how much your life is shaped by all three of them.</p><p>You confess to Dirk the real reason you called,</p><p>"I never thought I could like a guy... but I'm starting to think... I might."</p><p>Dirk hums. He asks you a small question, "did you ask Roxy out because you thought you could <em>learn </em>to like her?"</p><p>You confess, "yes."</p><p>"And you think she is attractive... but you don't know if she's <em>the right fit </em>for you?" Dirk asks the perfectly phrased question.</p><p>"Exactly." You nod. </p><p>“Alright." Dirk slowly says, "picture Roxy. Picture her body.”</p><p>“Huh?" Okay. Now. You're confused.</p><p>"Just picture what she must look like, under tho-"</p><p>"No! No! No!" You start waving around one of your hands like Dirk can see it, "I don't wanna do <strong>that!"</strong></p><p>Dirk sounds annoyed with you already, “you called me for help.” He's always so mean.</p><p>“Okay! Okay..." You mumble, "I’ll picture her, but clothed!”</p><p>“Fine.” Dirk sounds like he’s shrugging. “Picture her on your lap.”</p><p>You shut your eyes and picture Roxy sitting down on your lap as you both watch a movie. You're cuddling on the couch in your living room. <em>'Aww! Fun!'</em></p><p>“Now picture her facing you. Your legs are right between Roxy's thighs and she's spread out. You could slip your hand under her skirt and feel her-</p><p>“Whoa! Hey! That’s inappropriate- she’s our frie-“</p><p>“Roxy talks about herself this way all the time." Dirk argues, "I'm damn sure she'd be flattered if you told her that you pictured this."</p><p>He is right... Roxy is flirty...</p><p>Dirk lets out a small frustrated breath, "If you want you can apologize later. Just picture it.”</p><p>“Fine! Jeez!” You groan.</p><p>You shut your eyes. You bet her lips are soft… Roxy always smells like sugar and grapefruit and her hair is really pretty.</p><p>"Sink your tongue into her mouth and hold her waist.”</p><p>"I…” Before you can argue, you picture it involuntarily. You don’t like how this feels. It’s so gross to picture your good friend like this over the phone with the man she loves.</p><p>That's right... Roxy is a good friend! And she still loves Dirk and he's directing you to picture her in a sexual way! This is wrong. Waaaay too wrong!</p><p>That's it! Nope! You're at your limit.</p><p>“No. Stop. Stop. Hard stop.” </p><p>“Alright." Dirk nods. "I just wanted to see how far you could go with that..."</p><p>Dirk hums like he's thinking to himself.</p><p>Dirk suggests, "picture one of your roommates then.”</p><p>“Huh?" You feel really nervous about him asking you for <strong>that.</strong> "Why?”</p><p>“We’re trying something out here." Dirk sounds a bit kinder now. "Just roll with it and if you don’t like it we’ll stop."</p><p>Dirk whispers to himself, "pussy.”</p><p>“I heard that!” You whine.</p><p>“Picture one of your roommates.” Dirk's making demands now. He's tired of your shit apparently.</p><p>“Fine…” You mumble, "grumpybutt."</p><p>You guess since they all make jokes about you all the time you don't mind picturing them in... compromised positions. </p><p>Dirk tells you to "picture one of them and hold who it is in your mind."</p><p>You picture all three. You’ll be able to pick one one you hear how this goes.</p><p>
  <em>There they are Sollux, Karkat and Dave. All standing in a row… Aww, they look so cute in your mind!</em>
</p><p>“Now picture yourself, sitting on your couch in your disgusting living room.”</p><p>
  <em>You chuckle. It's only gross cause Karkat's stuff is always everywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You picture it when it's a bit cleaner. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re picturing yourself, just sitting down on your couch, on your phone. The boys are all right behind you.</em>
</p><p>“Picture your roommate sitting down besides you.”</p><p>
  <em>You picture all of them, coming to sit down to watch TV. Sollux on the left, Dave on your right and Karkat is sitting up against Dave cause awww… he never cuddles with Dave and you really want him too!</em>
</p><p>“Picture that you’ve been watching something on the big screen for a while now… the lights are dim. Time passes... eventually, your roommate puts his hand on one of your thighs.”</p><p>
  <em>You guess both Dave and Sollux could. One leg for each!</em>
</p><p>Dirk talks slower, “then he rubs it up to your crotch.”</p><p>
  <em>They both would slowly move to palm your crotch. But no… their hands touch.</em>
</p><p>Dirk tells you, “you let your roommate just keep palming you.”</p><p>
  <em>Instead of fight… they both work you. Sollux and Dave would both start feeling up your crotch and you'd pant out a high-pitch moan. Karkat then would notice that both of the guys were working you and that’s when he starts getting frustrated. He wants in.</em>
</p><p>Dirk directs you, “you turn over and start kissing him, not caring who sees.”</p><p>
  <em>You start kissing Karkat, letting him know it’s okay. He’s not gonna miss out on anything.</em>
</p><p>Dirk tells you what to picture, "he starts grabbing the back of your head, just to grab a fist full of hair."</p><p>
  <em>Oh. He so would.</em>
</p><p>"He gets a bit too aggressive with you, he seems so desperate to have you closer."</p><p>
  <em>Karkat would mercilessly bite your lips and you would both whine about it hurting and whine about wanting more.</em>
</p><p>You feel yourself melt a bit when Dirk tells you, “your roommate starts tugging at your pants.”</p><p>You mindlessly laugh, “which one?”</p><p>Dirk suddenly pulls everything to a grinding halt, “then Roxy comes in to join you four.”</p><p>“You had to ruin it!?” You shout.</p><p>"Ruin it?" Dirk asks.</p><p>You pause, dead in your tracks.</p><p>“Do you not want Roxy... <em>Roxy, </em>probably the most attractive girl to ever speak to you... palming your crotch?” </p><p>You're stunned by that,</p><p>“I- I don’t have to answer!”</p><p>“Settles it.” Dirk sounds so certain. You hate that he sounds certain!</p><p>Dirk diagnosis you, “I’ve been thinking about this for years, and I had my suspicions that you like men. John, if you're not into Roxy… pretty sure you’re just straight up gay.”</p><p>“I- bu-but.” You stutter.  </p><p>“Did you want me to say you are not?" Dirk asks. "Cause I’m certain you’d be happier if you just admitted to yourself you like men and only men.”</p><p>“I…” You stutter.</p><p>You feel so frustrated. Dirk didn't even ease you into this! He just threw you right into the gay deep end- no! The gay ocean! The waters are dangerous and it's fucking freezing!</p><p>You toss up your hands and look for a buoy to cling onto, "if I'm <em>gay </em>then why haven't I thought about men like this before!? Huh? Why didn't I think about liking guys before my twenties!? Hmmm!?"</p><p>"You're the emotional type. You've always been." Dirk proudly tells you, "you need a personal connection in order to like someone. You need to get close to someone as a friend first, and it seems like you have an interest in all three of your male roommates. You've lived with them for years... and all of a sudden you don't mind picturing them just ganging up on you and probably fighting over who gets to use your hole first."</p><p>"I- ah... how did you-!?" You cut yourself off there. How did he know that!? How does he know so much about your own mind!? Unless he's had similar thoughts... about men. Oh good lord. Dirk Strider, the certified dick rider, has had similar thoughts about men then you've had. "Oh God no.” If you get as horny about cock as Dirk is, you don't know what you'll do.</p><p>Dirk suddenly asks you. “what sparked this line of questions… if I may ask?”</p><p>
  <strong>The dreaded question appears!</strong>
</p><p>“Uhhhhhhhhhh…”</p><p>You can't tell him everything. You don't wanna go over how you wanna get triple teamed by your roommates and you don't wanna confess that you're nervous about being the bottom but you... wouldn't mind trying it... just so long as Dave is there to hold your hand... he always makes you feel safe and oh no! Now he makes you feel all wiggly and wobbly in your gut. Shit! Dirk’s still waiting on the other line for an answer. Don’t say it’s because you wanna doodle his twin brother’s noodle! Don’t do it!</p><p>You need to think what's the <em>real </em>start of all of this. You don't have to tell Dirk everything, just this,</p><p>“Someone sent me an anon message about being in love with me and… he's also a boy so… it made me think about it if I'd like guys… and I think I might… kinda be into…”</p><p>“Into who?” Dirk asks you directly, "into all three of your roommates?"</p><p>“Into…” you rush to say, “I'm into whoever is on the other line! I said the messages were anonymous and this guy is like super into me! And I bet you know who it is, cause apparently everyone knows, <strong>but me!</strong> And-"</p><p>“I’ll need to call you back.” Dirk just straight up stops the conversation dead in it's tracks. "I have work I need to get back to, but I made a promise with Roxy where ever a guy comes to one of us with a boner and asks for help with it, we recount everything that happened. So I trust I was able to help sort out your problems and I'll leave you to do what you will with the information that I told you."</p><p>"I- I'm not gonna jack off!"</p><p>"Sure." Dirk sounds like he's not buying it.</p><p>"I'm n-not!" You start sweating again.</p><p>"Alright, then go back to your roommates." Dirk sounds like he's smiling, the bastard. "And if you have any questions about <em>anything </em>don't even hesitate to send me a text. But make sure that it's a text." Dirk's talking slower now. "I do have a career, you know?"</p><p>"I know... and thanks." You pout. </p><p>"You are quite welcome. And... it's always good to hear from you, John." Dirk gently tells you, "goodbye."</p><p>"Bye." You mutter.</p><p>You hang up your phone and sigh. You look up and stare blankly at nothing. </p><p>You shut your eyes and pout. </p><p>You need a moment to just breathe.</p><p>You take a deep breath in.</p><p>At least someone's having a good day.</p><p>Whoever is in love with you is in luck.</p><p>Turns out...</p><p>You really do like men after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. all you do is win</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're biting the back of your pinky nail. You use your other hand to scratch your colorless bangs.</p><p>John left a while ago, you wonder how he's holding up.</p><p>You guess thinking about John is your default state, but you're kinda worried about how he's mentally doing.</p><p>John's probably still thinking about getting topped by one of you guys. The idea is at least invading his mind and still fucking with him. Yeah, first time you started thinking about what Sollux and Karkat would be like in bed, it threw you for a fucking loop and you already knew you were into guys. It must be murder for John to get through... maybe he's calling up one of the girls right now. You hope he didn't call up Roxy or Rose. Roxy might hint that you're the one sending him love messages and Rose wouldn't hesitate to break down John's psyche and John doesn't need that right now. John needs someone soft and caring to help him through this... </p><p>Your phone starts ringing, "<em>I mean that cocky mutherfucker all he do is win-"</em></p><p>You sigh, you know that ringtone. "It's Dirk."</p><p>Karkat and Sollux both groan.<em>"-kami sama under cover."</em></p><p>You reach for your phone and drag it up to your face, "Dirk?"</p><p>"Dave." Dirk sounds... <em>disappointed in you?</em></p><p>"What?" What did you fucking do?</p><p>"Why didn’t you tell me you messaged John a love confession?" </p><p>You mouth <em>"oh, fuck me with this shit" </em>as you roll your eyes and look over to your other roommates.</p><p>Karkat and Sollux are staring at you. They both look like they don't envy you. You sigh. You guess it was right about time that Dirk finally logged into the group chat again.</p><p>"So who told you?" You ask as you rub your nose with the back of your palm.</p><p>"The devil himself." Dirk says in jest.</p><p>You narrow your brow and lower your eyes... </p><p>
  <em>'What does he mea- oh shit!'</em>
</p><p>John just left to make a call.</p><p>"What? did John call you,<em> just now?" </em>You ask.</p><p>"Yes, and he had quite a few things to say." Dirk sounds almost smug, almost... in truth, he sounds like he's happy for you and Dirk tells you the reason why,</p><p>"We talked briefly about how I discovered I liked guys."</p><p><em>"No fucking waaaay."</em> Sollux sounds like he's fucking blown away by this fucking bombshell Dirk just dropped on you.</p><p>"I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" Karkat turned around and smacked Sollux's chest, "I CALLED IT."</p><p>You drag yourself up and sit up on the bed. "Guys, shut up!" You wave your hand towards them.</p><p>Dirk confidently tells you, "I think... John may be interested in you." </p><p>"Re-really? Like honestly … cause if you’re fucking with me.” You sound as nervous as you feel. Your palms are sweating and your phone is slipping out of your grasp.</p><p>You listen intently to Dirk's words,</p><p>"I think he’s coming to terms with being gay, took him a while but he’s making it through the other side. If only he cared more about getting laid than Pokemon, then he would have figured this out a lot sooner and I wouldn’t have to worry over you."</p><p>"What exactly did he tell you?" You need to know.</p><p>"It's not a <em>family friendly </em>topic." Dirk gives you that holier-than-thou tone.</p><p>"Fuck off, bro. Just tell me." You sigh out your nose.</p><p>"Hm... I seem to recall someone telling me that I need to stop talking about anything that relates to <em>anything </em>sexual with you in <em>any</em> capacity."</p><p>Your heart completely stops.</p><p>You feel all color drain from your face... and then you feel your face flush completely, 100% tomato red.</p><p>You fumble with your phone and helplessly mutter, "wha-what did he say?"</p><p>"Hm... Don't get mad with me if I in anyway disturb you... but I attempted to see John's reaction to scenes I had him picture. At first I described a small scenario with Roxy that John seemed repulsed by, and then I describe a scenario where <em>anyone </em>of his roommates would rub his thigh and then palm his crotch."</p><p>"Ugh. Dirk." You scrunch up your whole face.</p><p>"But that's not the interesting part." Dirk goes on, "John let slip that he was picturing all <em>three</em> of his roommates ganging up on him."</p><p>Your eyes widen. You feel every part of your soul dislocate from your body. That's it. You're gone. You're dead.</p><p>"He even seems a bit interested in the thought of you boys fighting each other over who gets to use him up first."</p><p>You fall back onto your bed and struggle to find the strength to breathe.</p><p>Dirk continues, "even though John is thinking about<em> all</em> three of you in a sexual way, it's still a good sign. This is something you can work with."</p><p>You look up at the blank ceiling. </p><p>"It seems to me like John already figured out that it's one of you three messaging him and not anyone else in our chat. Which is good, it means that he knows you're close to home but he didn't pick you out from the line up. Just keep sending him messages about how much you love him and then drop hints about how much you want to rip his body to shreds. He seems like the type to secretly want men to ruin his body, but he's new to this, so ease him into it."</p><p>You slowly blink.</p><p>"Just make sure to pull his focus to you. John seems divided, he's probably searching for clues about who's the person messaging him and John's probably trying to see all three of you in a romantic and sexual light. John's probably charmed already by <em>the person behind the messages </em>just make sure that in person you keep doing all you can to grab his attention. Whenever you take a shower, walk out in just a towel and grab something from that kitchen he's always in."</p><p>Dirk's talking to a corpse right now. Why is he still talking to you like you're even alive?</p><p>"John might be distracted by your other roommates and their presence." Dirk hums to himself like he's in thought. "I can't see why, the shorter one -I don't recall his name- smells like spoiled milk and lacks any semblance of self-confidence. Captor though, that one is inviting at the very least but much too high-maintenance to do anything long term with. John seems to have set the bar <em>low </em>so you should have no issue scooping him up now." </p><p>"Uh... thanks." You want to just end the call now. You don't want this smack talking going on with the victims laying right next to you.</p><p>"HEY." Karkat buts in with "CAN YOU TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF BEFORE HE HANGS UP?"</p><p>"I could hear you. And duly noted." Dirk turns the conversation back on you, "Goodbye, Dave and don’t mess this up for yourself."</p><p>You blow air out of your nose and mutter, "bye."</p><p>"I love you." Dirk tells you.</p><p>"I love you too, bro." You hang up.</p><p>You keep staring up at the ceiling and your two <em>disgusting roommates </em>start scooching closer to you.</p><p>"So... you've got this in the bag." Sollux sounds like he's still disturbed by Dirk's words, but he's... happy for you.</p><p>You look up blankly at the ceiling.</p><p>You never even dreamed of this moment. You wouldn't allow yourself to.</p><p>You never had hope that John would ever be interested in guys... you just kinda pictured him being your fuck buddy at most! You don't even let yourself indulge in any fantasies of marrying him... uh... you mean since you were fourteen. You want that... but you knew it could never like... happen. Till now.</p><p>"How you holding up?" Sollux asks you how you feel.</p><p>"I..." You sigh and shake your head as you look up at the blank empty ceiling, like a canvas replacing where the sky should be... "I don't know."</p><p>"LET'S JUST TAKE THIS ONE STEP AT A TIME." Karkat gives you advice, "FOR YOUR SAKE AND FOR JOHN'S."</p><p>"Yeah." You agree.</p><p>Just as you start to sit up, the door handle jimmies.</p><p>John looks like he's been sweating. He doesn't even look at you three as he says,</p><p>“Hi guys…”</p><p>“Hey.” You smile up at him.</p><p>John is standing in the doorway. He looks like he wants to run away. You can always give him an out, maybe if he's too nervous you'll ask if he needs help with dinner and he can run off saying he's got it taken care of. He's acting so absent minded today, he probably forgot all about cooking and that's like his favorite thing in the world... or maybe...</p><p>
  <em>You three are.</em>
</p><p>“Well, John." Sollux lifts up his hand and gestures for John to lay down between you and Karkat, "come on…”</p><p>John looks ridgid. He straightens up his back and there's terror in his eyes. </p><p>John takes a step forward and then starts rushing up to bed.</p><p>He hops up over you and drags himself to sit faced towards Karkat. </p><p>John mutters something too low to even really make out, you think he said, "that call was really awkward... I'm still... fucked up about it."</p><p>You wrap your arm around John and hold onto his hand you tell him gently, "it's okay, man... let's just watch some cartoons, anything you want."</p><p>"I... I want to see those two boys again." John pouts. </p><p>"YouTube Compilations it is."</p><p>. . .</p><p>The moment you opened YouTube, everyone could see your recommendations.</p><p>You swallow down every ounce of shame in your body. You have to abandon it or else you won't survive.</p><p>"Kuzco x Ling. What does the x mean!?" John nearly shouts, "is that like a sex thing!?"</p><p>"We have to watch this. I need to see this." Sollux elbows Karkat to get to the remote. </p><p>You try to pull it away from him but John joins in the fight. You instantly give up when John giggles and starts tugging for the control over the remote. You always instantly give him what he wants. </p><p>John and Sollux mutter to each other as they start the video. You do your best to just dissociate completely.</p><p>Dirk already killed you, you're not sure why your soul still lingers here.</p><p>Once the video really starts up, John instantly just starts laughing and losing his shit.</p><p>Sollux screeches, "why is this so well edited!?!"</p><p>Sollux and John are laughing so hard and Karkat is squashed between the two of them.</p><p>Karkat looks so fucking pissed. He's brows are so fruled his eyes are shut closed until- "AHAHHAA!"</p><p>He was holding in a fucking laugh.</p><p>
  <em>'God damn it!'</em>
</p><p>"They do have sex!" John cheers at the screen. You're not even watching.</p><p>John starts looking through the other videos as the rest of the credits start.</p><p>Sollux is either laughing or having a seizure.</p><p>Karkat's still laughing as he reads all the titles of the videos,</p><p>"HOLY SHIT. ARE ALL THESE SONGS SHIT?"</p><p>"Yes." You admit. "And that's why they're gold."</p><p>John scrolls over to a certain video and points up at the TV as he asks,</p><p>"Is that the boy from Treasure Planet?"</p><p>"He's in like most of these." You shrug.</p><p>Karkat and Sollux are both losing their shit, but hey, they are watching it too.</p><p>John laughs and points at the video as it starts,</p><p>"Oh! It's that- that guy! That guy you had a crush on when we were like twelve!"</p><p>"Demitri?" You ask.</p><p>"Yes! That was his name!" John nods, "I see why you liked him so much!"</p><p>Your eyes widen. Suddenly you honestly have no regrets. You're fucking glad you started watching shit on YouTube. If John sees the appeal of Demitri and his shit attitude, he might... see the appeal in you. </p><p>. . .</p><p>You've been watching these for about a solid hour. You guess the charm wore off because no one is laughing now. It kinda seems like John's invested in these. You look over at Karkat and he's biting his thumb's nail. Sollux is sniffling and using a tissue. Karkat turns around and point blank asks, "are you crying?"</p><p>"Are you not!?" Sollux whines through tears.</p><p>John looks up and laughs. He confesses, "I've been holding back tears for like a good five minutes now."</p><p>Karkat groans, "LET ME GET THIS FUCKING STRAIGHT. I COULD SIT YOU TWO DOWN TO WATCH AN HONEST TO GOD ROMANCE MOVIE AND YOU'D BE ON YOUR PHONES THE WHOLE TIME DUE TO BOREDOM... BUT YOU WATCH SOME YOUTUBE CLIPS OF CARTOON CHARACTERS AND YOU FUCKING CRY?"</p><p>"Yes." Sollux sniffles again.</p><p>You let out a small laugh.</p><p>You hear John's stomach let out a low growl. John's to transfixed with the video playing to care.</p><p>You sigh and once the credits start you pause the video and say, "hey... it's late, you guys wanna grab something?"</p><p>"YES. JESUS. END THIS NOW." Karkat's begging you for release. </p><p>"Oh my god." Sollux wipes a tear out of his eye, "I feel like I just got out of a movie theater."</p><p>"I know!" John cheers, "I'm so moved!"</p><p>Karkat narrows his eyes as he sits up. You guide John to sit up with you. Sollux is still laying down, using his tissues to wipe down his face.</p><p>"When that girl everyone makes porn of smacked Aladdin, I really felt that." You think Sollux is talking about Chel.</p><p>Karkat looks down at him and bitches, "GET UP. I'M STARVING."</p><p>"Baby, I always got it up for you." Sollux mutters and then whispers, "shit."</p><p>You laugh. Old habits die hard you suppose.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. All smiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You sniff your nose and scratch your belly, rubbing off a bit of the logo on your Diablo shirt. You're still feeling a bit sick, but thankfully you hardly caught your roommates -as John so lovingly calls it- ick. </p><p>You grab one of the pieces of sushi using your fingers and you dip it right into soy sauce.</p><p>John decided to take you all to the place he used to work. He still gets a fucking discount and everyone working the front and the back at some point had to stop and admire him, even the people who only heard of rumors of the <em>legendary chef,</em> John Egbert.</p><p>John happily smiles to greet everyone that graces his table. Meanwhile, the rest of you are on your phones. You think John forgot that his fucking basement dwelling nerdy-ass roommates are one: not used to socializing with total strangers and two: <em>some </em>of you smell like old molded cheese. Those lucky few are you and Karkat. Dave at least passes as a normal guy. You're fucking wearing a advertisement for a nerd game on your shirt and Karkat is rocking an oversized hoodie when it's hot as fuck outside. He says he doesn’t get hot, but he still sweats. You don't think there's ever a time where Karkat doesn't smell like milk and doesn't wear a oversized sweater. You've gotten so used to it at this point you view it more as endearing than anything else, but you think his stench is what's driving yet another visitor away from your table.</p><p>John chuckles and takes another bite from his plate. He hums as he takes a bite of his chicken katsu. Ecto nods and then lifts up another piece for Dave to try. John uses his chopsticks to hold up a bite for Dave and Strider snaps his teeth to bite it, just to entertain John.</p><p>John giggles at how fast TG is to devour the whole strip. TG swallows and then leans a bit into John's side.</p><p>Dave whispers in John's ear, "yours is better than this."</p><p>John giggles, "you think!? Cause I like the breading better than mine!"</p><p>“I don’t know, man. You make it same way your dad does, right?” Dave tells John, “your dad fucking dominates cooking.”</p><p>“Yeah... he said my nanna taught him everything there is to know about Japanese food. I should talk to her again, it’s been so long.”</p><p>“Ha... uh... yeah, maybe you should.” Dave nervously looks away.</p><p>TG's face is filled with guilt. Even so... the two of them seem happier than ever.</p><p>You listen to John tell an off joke that Dave immediately laughs at. You sigh.</p><p>You feel a bit cornered when Dave and John are together like this.</p><p>You always wanted something like what they have in your life, you kinda felt a bit... better about it, cause they were like... not together. But now it's only a matter of time before John relizes that yourdad'scock is just too good to pass up. You whisper to Karkat, "they grow up so fast."</p><p>Karkat hums and keeps slurping on his ramen. He doesn't even care that he's getting soup juice everywhere. He's such a fucking slob. Karkat looks over at you and lets out a burp. You smack his chest, "dude. We're in public."</p><p>"We can't take you anywhere nice." Dave jokes. </p><p>"Oh leave him alone!" John giggles and then clasps his hands together,</p><p>"I don't need you all to be polite company, I'm just glad everything is back to normal between all four of us!"</p><p>"HUH?” Karkat is hunched over his bowl. He looks up at John as he asks, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"</p><p>"Yeah... Back to normal?" You laugh and look right at Egbert, “What changed?”</p><p>John suddenly looks like a dear in headlights. Ecto covers his ass and says, “I mean- uh- we were all sick and <em>aww</em> Sollux you’re still sniffly.”</p><p>Oh, he just fucking fell and caught himself in mid-air. He almost let slip he had a momentary laps where he suffered from wanting all three of you at once. Still, you won’t be mean to him. He’s going through shit that and he made you soup.</p><p>Johns still looking at you for some reason, oh right, he’s concerned your still sick </p><p>You give John a small smile as a thank you for his concern, “I’m doing fine though, hardly caught anything.”</p><p>You look at Dave. He’s got the same thought in his head that the rest of the table has... John’s been thinking about a fourway and it looks like eating together as a family cleared his head. Too bad he just reminded himself that something was up. <br/><br/>John’s starting to look nervous again, he stares up at you for a moment and then back down at his plate. John fumbles around with his rice as Karkat bitches about some plot hole in this shit movie he loves. You smile at Karkat like he’s outta shut up and take in the scene. <em>John’s getting hot again...</em> </p><p>Ecto looks down at his plate with wide eyes as he starts to sweat. <br/>Something about that look he has...<em>'shit!</em>' There’s no way in hell that you’re honestly gonna let your brain fuck you over like this again. You need to stop before you picture John laying down on his back crying out to cu-<em>'shit! Fucking!'</em></p><p>You're starting to scratch the side of your head. Great, that's one of your worser habits, if you keep this up you're gonna get a bald spot again. You can’t help it! You can't help that your thoughts control so much of how you act! And you can’t control your fucked up thoughts! You need to stop doing Ecto and Dave dirty like this, you shouldn’t picture the guy TG's in love with like this!!! With his thighs pressed up to his chest and his, begging for your- <em>'Ugh!' </em></p><p>You don't even <strong>like </strong>John like that! You just can't stop your head from playing out fucked up scenes. Almost every time you walk up or down the stairs you picture yourself falling and twisting your leg around. Almost every time you drive a car you think you're going to drive right into a ditch. Sure, your friends told you they do the same too, but not in excruciatingly clear detail. And now your head is playing out a scene when John gets so nervous that you're biting onto his neck that he starts begging you to carrying him in your arms and take him downstairs. You'd fucking tear his clothes off and start ramming into him raw. John'd be crying as his pecker jumps up and down to the beat of your hips thrusting into-</p><p>Vantas suddenly take a deep breath. You stare right at him. Karkat is covering his nose with his huge sleeve. He blows the world’s cutest sneeze right into his hoodie, “AHH-CHU!”</p><p><em>'Holy Shit.'</em>  You look at Karkat in awe.</p><p>You automatically jump to teasing him. "You need a real tissue, KK?"</p><p>"FUCK OFF." Karkat sniffles his nose.</p><p>You drag out your barbie tissue pack anyway. You start dragging out one of the tissues for him.</p><p>Karkat takes another deep breath and then sneezes into his sleeve again. "CHUUU!"</p><p>You hand him the entire pack.</p><p>You look over at John, he's still looking down at his plate and fiddling around with his chicken strips. You were kinda expecting that John would perk up and call Karkat cute, nope. John's still in a daze. Probably thinking something as horrible as you just did before Karkat so kindly interrupted your fucked up thoughts. </p><p>Thankfully, for Ecto's sake, someone walks up to the table and snaps John out of his thoughts. </p><p>"It's been so long, John!" You've never seen this chick before in your entire life.</p><p>She's smiling happily down at John and he tries to pull himself out of his head.</p><p>"Oh- hi, Calli!"</p><p>She wraps her arms around John and gleefully laughs. Calli starts pressing John for all his information,</p><p>"how have you been? How's your new job!" Calli pulls away as John answers.</p><p>"Oh... It's great! I miss working with you, but it's better money." John shrugs.</p><p>Calli sweetly smiles at John and then presses him on something John was probably dreading anyone asking,</p><p>"Are you seeing anyone right now!? I remember you saying something about wanting to find a girlfriend before you left!" </p><p>“oh um... no, sadly not right now.” John shakes his head no.</p><p>"It's only a matter of time! That girl that just talked to you, she <strong>just </strong>told me that she thinks you're cute!" Calli smiles and then waves John off, "I have a few more tables I have to take care of, before you leave make sure you say goodbye! Okay!? Oh! Maybe I can grab a girl’s number on your behalf!" She’s smiling like she’s only half-joking. </p><p>"No problem." John gives her a weak smile.</p><p>John frowns as he looks down at his food. As Calli walks away, sniffing the air and asking herself if some old milk spilled somewhere. You chuckle and look over at Karkat. Karkat's glareing right at you. </p><p>No matter what's going on around you or in your head, that fucker always finds someway to make you smile. </p><p>"THE FUCK ARE YOU SMILING AT?" Karkat's tone has the same energy as a puppy's low growl.</p><p>"Oh. Nothing." You smile and grab another piece of sushi. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. this is just the beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your best friend just took you to his quote-unquote <em>"favoritest place to eat!" </em>A few of his old work colleagues smiled and stared at you specifically. You guess John told them everything about his <em>most bestest best friend</em> but it threw you for a loop when a complete stranger to you four walked up to your table and said,<em> "wow, everyone was right! He really does look like a model!" </em></p><p>You get that a lot, but you're probably too fucking gross to ever become one. You wear the same old pair of jeans everytime you go out and when you're home you always wear a pair of old sweatpants and some dirty ancient slippers. You don't really take those kind of complements to heart, the only opinion you really care about is... John's. </p><p>"Hey, Dave?" John looks up at you. He felt sleepy once you got home, so you laid down on the couch and invited him to rest on top you.</p><p>John's asking for you, so you lift up your head and say, "yeah, man?"</p><p>John slowly breathes out of his nose and shuts his eyes for a moment. He gathers up the courage to ask,</p><p>"Remember when we were kids... and you told me that you weren't interested in girls when I asked you about dating or something like that...?"</p><p>"Yeah?" You tilt your head a bit forward. You know exactly what he's talking about.</p><p>"And um... then you... came out to me?" John's leading up to something.</p><p>"Yeah." You nod.</p><p>"Um..." John looks down at your chest and asks you, "was it... hard for you to admit that you were... <em>into guys?"</em></p><p>You weren't expecting that question. You guess John's been thinking about his own sexuality and what it could be. You don't mind having this conversation with him, you're more than happy to help him with this.</p><p>"Hm..." You look up at the ceiling and think about his question.</p><p>The moment you realize that you were starting to fall for John... you were everything but afraid. You were both still kids then. Back when you were in middle school you recall John holding onto your hand for some reason John's eyes were welded shut because his smile was so big... he was laughing at something you said. It took all your willpower not to just kiss him. It smacked you in the face that you were falling hard and falling fast. About a week later he asked you how you felt about a girl that was hitting on you... he seemed worried that you'd end up dating her and he even voiced he was worried that she'd eat up your time in between classes if the two of you started dating. You confessed why you couldn't care less about her. At seeing John's smile, you felt no shame in your heart in admitting that you were gay... you told him you were thinking about dating some guy with muscles and shit... you just let him think that and you were hoping that one day you'd honestly want that.</p><p>You felt no shame in saying all that, but your love for John is <em>still</em> something that you're afraid of him ever knowing...</p><p>You look back down at John and confess, "it was one of the easiest things I've ever done."</p><p>John hums. He writhes a bit, twisting his body a bit so he can get a better look at your face. </p><p>You smile down at him as he wiggles up to get a better look at you.</p><p>John gives you a timid look as he asks, "was it... easy to come out to um... everyone you knew or was it like... super awkward for you?"</p><p>"Well..." You confess, "I didn’t know how my older bro would take it. So... I never told him."</p><p>"Ah..." John looks down at nothing. </p><p>You continue on, "he always had to make everything difficult. Dirk never came out to him either. But the two of us always knew that about each other even without exchanging words… so maybe bro saw that about us... I guess I'll never know." You look up at the ceiling. It's not like you even care what he thought. You should never let yourself care about that man in any capacity. You and Dirk just let all of that go once your bro died. That's right, you should never forget that Dirk's the <strong>only</strong> family you've <em>ever</em> had.</p><p>John asks again, "but uh... was it hard though, to confess to me and all your friends how you felt about yourself?" </p><p>"Hm..." You think about it for a moment, "no."</p><p>"No?" John sounds a tiny bit surprised. </p><p>"Not really, I just... I always kinda thought I was on my own for most of my life, so if our friends didn't fully <em>accept </em>me for who I was... I'd just up and leave their friendship behind without any reservations."</p><p>"Hmm..." John hums. Like he sees what you're saying. </p><p>You tell John, "I think the only person I'd be brokenhearted about losing would have been you... but you were always so good to me, so I didn't feel ashamed to tell you how I felt... about myself. So you shouldn't either, man."</p><p>John looks away from you for a moment, "I don't feel... <em>ashamed</em> of myself... but I still feel, you know, nervous."</p><p>You widen your eyes a bit as you look down at John.</p><p>John mutters to you, "I just... I don't know. I never really liked... anyone that way, well, before now... but with those messages I've been getting... they made me start to think about..."</p><p>John looks down at your chest and lightly laughs. He looks like he can't believe what he's even saying. You're so sure you're asleep, there's no way this is real. </p><p>"I just... I just can't stop thinking about these strange thoughts." John shakes his head, "and I think it might be easier if I uh... just..." John swallows down spit and confesses to you, "admit that I uh... am... um... and might have been for a good while..."</p><p>You feel your heart jump up in your throat as John says, "attracted to <em>you."</em></p><p>. . . </p><p>Your minds is in a frenzy of panic. You feel like tearing your hair out and you want to scream, but you can't. You can't move, John's still laying down on you. </p><p>John's resting his head down on your chest and he seems so comfortable and content, you can't just move him off of you after he just confessed <strong>that</strong>.</p><p>John just dropped a huge bomb on you and he fuckin trapped you,</p><p>
  <em>You can't run from this, home skillet. There's no escape.</em>
</p><p>John lightly hums tiny breaths onto your chest. He seems like he's asleep now.</p><p><em>'Oh God.'</em> Now there really is no getting out of this.</p><p>John just told you this whole spiel about how he always liked how Sollux would kiss his neck and he always thought that Karkat had a really cute kissable face and John would always kiss <em>your </em>cheek because he felt driven to kiss you.</p><p>Before John feel asleep he told you,</p><p><em>"I just... When we were at dinner I thought about um... well a few things, but I was thinking about saying I was gay to one of my old friends when she started talking about getting me a girl's number, but then I thought it would be weird to just drop that on you three at random... and then I started thinking about um... if saying I was gay would have made you and me look like a couple cause I feed you with my own chopsticks and um... I didn't mind... if someone read... the two of us that way together. And I just thought I'd just say something about it to you cause um... well... it's not fair to you if I just kept... that to myself. I don't want to hide how I feel from you, cause you're my best friend and you're always going to be! Just... I um... kinda... always thought you were the... perfect kinda guy! You're so handsome and like... you know how you look and how you act! I don't have to describe you to you! </em> <em>I just... I guess I never really viewed you in a certain light cause I never really thought about dating until recently! So uh... sorry... sorry... I just mean that um... you're like the coolest guy I know, and the most handsome! People stare at you all the time, even back in school! Yeah... so many girls liked you then... so I guess it's just that I'm surprised that I... never noticed I felt uh... <strong>attracted</strong> to you till now. I'm sorry! I know it's weird! But you're hot, you can't deny it!  And um... I guess... I should just come out and admit that I like you! But I think our other... roommates are... cute too... damn it. I'm sorry if this is awkward. It's just driving me nuts! I was freaking out so much I had to call your brother! Ha! I bet you can picture what a disaster that was. But I'm still glad I talked to him. I feel like I know more about myself and what I want now... but I'm still... confused about what it is I should do now... I guess I'm just gonna wait for more messages and see what happens."</em></p><p>You can't believe John just said <em>all of that </em>to your face! Shit! </p><p>You could <em>never </em>honestly confess what you think of John to his face, you struggle to even do that anonymously. </p><p>John just confessed he thinks your hot and then feel asleep on you like a tired house cat!</p><p>John's muttering something in his sleep, he's sinking down towards the floor so you have to push him a bit up. </p><p>You place your hand on his bottom and push him up just so he doesn't fall of the couch.</p><p>John instantly wakes up. "Oh!"</p><p>John's eyes are wide and he's looking up at you.</p><p>You totally just copped a field right after John admitted to you he likes you. </p><p>You instantly jump to say, "you were falling, man. Sorry."</p><p>John looks down at your chest and he... he rubs his leg a bit down between your thighs.</p><p>John's knee is rubbing up against your crotch. You can't tell if he's rubbing you on purpose or not.</p><p>John looks up at you, almost like... he's gauging your face.</p><p>You're looking down at him with your lips parted open. </p><p>You don't know how your face looks, but you don't give him any hint, in anyway, that you want him to stop. </p><p>You try to look at him with an expression as blank as you can muster. You don't know what causes John's eyes to widen a bit but it seems he just noticed that the situation you two are placed in is a little bit <em>more than</em> friendly. John sits up and stutters a bit at the start of his sentence, "I-uh- I think we should go to bed and get some real sleep. I bet your neck is hurting from sleeping on the armrest. We should turn in for the night."</p><p>"Sure thing, man."</p><p>You watch as John sits up and smiles down at you. </p><p>John guides you to sit up and tells you, "go to bed soon, okay!"</p><p>"Okay." </p><p>John walks over to the kitchen and grabs a glass of ice water. You slowly bring yourself up from the couch and drag yourself up the stairs. With each step you drag yourself deeper and deeper into your own mind.</p><p>You slowly zone out as you approach your room at the end of the third floor's hall. </p><p>He must have just noticed that he was uh... kneeing you in a certain sensitive place and John decided to bail.</p><p>You're certain that was an accident. </p><p>There's no way that John was doing that on purpose.</p><p>Once you're in your bedroom you slip past your bathroom door and walk up to the toilet to take a piss.</p><p>You whip out your dick and... you're half-hard. You didn't even notice.</p><p>
  <em>'Shit.' </em>
</p><p>Well... even if that was just an accident, you're not getting any sleep tonight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Reflection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="sans">"oh god."</span> You whisper to yourself as you stand in the middle of the kitchen with a glass of water in hand. <span class="sans">"what did i just do?"</span></p><p>Ugh you totally just rubbed your knee in Dave’s crotch by complete mistake! Still... he looked kinda into it. Ugh! You can’t let yourself think about <strong>that</strong> right now! And you're sure you were just reading into things!</p><p>You shouldn't focus on the fact you had to fucking bolt away from your best friend, you should focus on the fact you just confessed how you felt to him...</p><p>You know you did absolutely nothing to harm your friendship. Dave's always going to be your best friend! No matter what! And you knew that confessing that you felt something for him was the <em>right </em>thing to do. If you're starting to see your super handsome best friend as the super hot model he is, you should tell him! It's wrong to just feel something for your bestie and keep it to yourself when you're thoughts might <strong>start</strong> to come between your friendship!</p><p>You can't stop thinking all these strange thoughts, and it makes you feel like not talking to Dave. You're so scared of your feelings now that you'd rather not look at Dave, out of fear you might just grab his face and kiss him!</p><p>You just keep getting this feeling like you want to hide yourself into your room and not come out.</p><p>You wanna run and hide away from Dave once he offered to cuddle with you on the couch, but he's your roommate and a great snuggle buddy. You decided right then and there that it was the best time to confess that you felt something and then sleep on top of him to chase away your fears! That and you wanted to show Dave that you're always gonna be there for him! You needed to prove to yourself and to Dave that just cause you feel something for him doesn't mean you can't bro cuddle anymore! And it felt so right to snuggle on Dave after you let your feelings out. Once you got that thing off your chest, it was so much easier to fall asleep <em>on </em>Dave's chest.</p><p>But then... you just had to stick your knee in between Dave’s thighs! <em>'Ugh!'</em> You didn't mean to! But you... also didn't want to pull away. Once you saw that perfectly sculpted face! Those beautiful red eyes... once you got a good look at the way his hair framed his face, you just couldn’t bring yourself to move. You couldn't break away from gazing down at the sight of Dave Strider. It wasn’t till those flushed lips of his let out a breath of hot air that you had to flee!</p><p>Right now, you’re still standing in the kitchen, glass of water in hand. Drops of cool water are dripping off your finger and down to the floor.</p><p>You can hear footsteps come up the steps, you turn around and spot black messy hair. You take a small breath and let it out. You ask Karkat, “Sollux kick you out so he can get some rest?”</p><p>Karkat finishes coming up the steps and just stares at you as you stand in the middle of the kitchen. You tilt your head and ask your grumpiest roommate, “what?”</p><p>Karkat takes in a deep breath and asks you in the quietest tone he can, “I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT HOW YOU’RE FEELING NOW.”</p><p>"Oh...” you look down at the floor, small droplets of water are visible from the moonlight’s glow. You look up and smile at Karkat. You walk over to the living room, Karkat following behind.</p><p>As you settle down on the couch you rest your glass on top of your lap. You stare down at the water as you softly say, “you know that I never thought much of myself. I didn’t really hate myself either... I just always always felt... average."</p><p>You shrug and keep staring down at the cool glass, "then I saw all our friends dating and everyone I work with talks about their girlfriends or sex or whatever... and... I felt... left behind.”</p><p>Karkat places his hand on your wrist. </p><p>You hum as you smile up at him.</p><p>You get why Karkat’s still a little worried, you guess he just caught you standing in the kitchen blankly staring at nothing like Dave always does. You lightly sigh and tell him, “I thought I was worthless so long as I wasn’t <em>living my life to the fullest.</em> I know some many people who do things I want to be able to bring myself to do... drinking with strangers, going to clubs, sleeping with every person that walks past me... but I have way more fun watching you rant about a French show for girls than talking with the dude I know at work that pays strippers to blow coke up his butthole!”</p><p>”HA.” You actually got a chuckle out of Karkat! He takes his hand back to cover up his smile, he never likes people seeing him smile.</p><p>You smile at him and say, “you laugh, but he actually invited me out to a club so I could try some and I almost took him up on the offer just so I could watch<em> him</em> do it!”</p><p>Karkat sighs, “JOHN. YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE OF US THAT FEELS THAT WAY. AND I MEAN ABOUT NOT LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST, NOT ABOUT WATCHING SOME STRANGE MOTHERFUCKER SNORT COKE UP HIS ASSHOLE.”</p><p>You instantly laugh “Hahaheheheh!” You gasp in air and pay Vantas a smile.</p><p>Karkat gives you one back as he tells you, “I FEEL LIKE A LOSER CAUSE I’VE NEVER DATED ANYONE EITHER, BUT WHEN I’M STREAMING AND MAKING VIDEOS AND SHIT, I FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF. OF MY WORK.” Karkat hardly even sounds like himself right now... it’s so rare he sounds so kind. You’re so happy he sounds happy with himself.</p><p>Karkat goes on, “I THINK YOU JUST NEEDED A GOOD HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE. YOU’RE LITERALLY THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I THINK I’VE EVER KNOWN. I COULD TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT MY HOME LIFE WHEN WE WERE KIDS AND YOU WOULDN’T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR SAYING I FELT ABANDONED. HALF THE PEOPLE WE’RE FRIENDS WITH NEVER SEEMED TO THINK THAT MY PARENTS NEVER BEING HOME, OR A PART OF MY LIFE, WAS A PROBLEM... BUT I DON’T THINK THEY COULD STOMACH THE QUIET. YOU THOUGH, YOU KEEP TELLING ME I’M NEVER... ALONE.” Karkat sighs. He looks away from you for a moment. He doesn’t like crying... so you do it on his behalf.</p><p>You cover your mouth as you choke on a sob.</p><p>Karkat looks panicked, “I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO CRY!”</p><p>You smile at him and tease through your tears, "too bad.”</p><p>“JOHN, I... UGH... I’M SORRY YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO WORRIED OVER ALL OF US.”</p><p>"Don't you worry about that." You lightly slap at his chest. "I only worry because I care. I'm sure you were... worried over me too."</p><p>You cry a few more tears for him, you sniffle your nose a bit. You think you got most of your tears out. You just couldn't help but cry a bit over Karkat speaking such heartfelt words to you.</p><p>Karkat takes in a small breath through his nose and lets it out. You think he's on the verge of tears and he wants to keep them in.</p><p>You don't mind. You know he doesn't like showing his vulnerable. You get it. All your three favorite people in your life are stoic. You hum out a small laugh as you think about Dirk too... You remember when you were younger he told you once to your face how much your friendship with Dave meant to him... He did the same exact thing then that Karkat is doing now. <em>'Are all men always like this?' </em>Always hiding behind a mask... maybe you're no different though... even if you cry over others, when do you ever cry because <em>your </em>sad? Other than... recently.</p><p>You look into Karkat's eyes, they look almost black in this lighting.  </p><p>Karkat probably heard you sobbing, that's probably why he started talking to you about how you were doing. He said he was open to talk and you... didn't want to... but you needed to.</p><p>You sigh and look up at the ceiling, water still dripping down your fingers.</p><p>You thank him, "I'm really glad you talked to me... I'm really glad I told you I was at the end of my rope and I felt so... miserable. I didn't want to worry Dave. I know I should have told him I wasn't feeling all that well, but Dave seemed a bit out of it and it was close to the anniversary of his bro's death and I could tell that's been on his mind... so I didn't want to worry him."</p><p>You look back down and bring your gaze back into Karkat's eyes, tears are still staining yours.</p><p>You give him a smile, probably not hiding any of your pain,</p><p>"But I didn't want to worry you either."</p><p>You take in a deep breath, Karkat refuses to breathe in any air.</p><p>You think he's right on the edge of crying.</p><p>You don't mean to push him off, but you do need to get this off your chest.</p><p>"I should have just told everyone how I was feeling... I was feeling so low I was willing to do anything to feel something better about myself, I probably would have ended up doing something stupid..." You shrug and let out a tiny dry laugh.</p><p>You sip in another deep breath and wipe a tear away with the back of your hand. You laugh as you say, "I'm happy I have you all to turn to... not just you three but everyone... you're all so amazing... before when you all told me how compassionate I was and how caring I was... I thought you were describing another person, someone that I just didn't see being me... then you shined a mirror in my face and made me look at myself. I just... I care so much for all of you because your happiness is my happiness... it always will be. It's all I need."</p><p>Now it's your turn to place your hand on Karkat's wrist. You lightly drag your cold fingers down to his hand and hold it as you turn to really face him.</p><p>You look down at your water, still on your lap.</p><p>"I wish I would have said something earlier, so I could have seen that. I feel like I... can learn to really like who I am as a person just so long as I can make all three of you a nice meal every other day and see you all lose your minds over some silly little roleplay game! I just love being with friends, I feel like I'm really worth something when... I'm a part of something." You tilt your head gently as you quietly ask, "you feel that too, right?"</p><p>Karkat's breathing is faint. He's trying so hard to take in a breath that isn't shaky. He can't, so he doesn't answer with anything more than a nod.</p><p>You smile and hum out two little laughs, "hmm hmm!" </p><p>You look into his dark irises and gently let go of his hand.</p><p>You look down at the space between you as you take in another breath.</p><p>Delicately, you say to him, "I really wish I would have spoken up about this sooner."</p><p>"I mean... I know I told you a while ago I was glad I didn't say anything cause this mystery man of mine came out of hiding... but if I would have said something... then..." You shut your eyes as you confess, "maybe then I would have seen that I like that much Dave... sooner."</p><p>You open your eyes and look up at Karkat.</p><p>His eyes were already widened, but he looks even more shocked to see you staring back at him again. </p><p>You smile and let out a small chuckle, "oh, no... don't worry." </p><p>You lean in a bit closer to him and give him a grin, "I like <em>you</em> too."</p><p>You press your lips up against Karkat's cheek.</p><p>Just as quickly as you pecked his cheek, you pull away and sit up.</p><p>You know he needs a moment to himself after that.</p><p>Karkat is staring up at you, he brought his hand up to where you kissed him. You look down at him and give him a soft grin.</p><p>"Get some sleep, kay?" You tilt your head and gently tell him, "I'm going to go downstairs, I need to make sure Sollux is actually sleeping or I won't be able to get any rest tonight." </p><p>You wave your hand up at Karkat as you gently glide over to the staircase.</p><p>You hold your glass in your hand and finally, take a sip.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. When two becomes one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're hunched over your keyboard, the lights are off and glow from the computer is starting to strain your eyes. You can feel crust in your eyes when you blink, shit. How long have you just been hammering at your keys for?</p><p>You sniffle your nose and look down at the time. Looks like it's been a solid ten since Karkat left to get some shit from the kitchen,<em> 'where he is?' </em></p><p>Karkat usually brings down <em>way </em>more than what he can eat on his own, so you were looking forward to teasing the fucker till he tossed a bag of chips at your chest or a fat-ass can of cheese balls at your head. </p><p>You finally hear someone come down the steps, doesn't sound like Karkat's usual footsteps though, he always stomps. You finish up what you're typing. By the time you get down to the last line, there is a knock on the door.</p><p>"Sollux?" John asks for you as he opens the door. "Oh. You're still up."</p><p>You turn your desk chair to the side and look over at John.</p><p>He has tears in his eyes.</p><p>Right away you get up and walk over to him.</p><p>You out stretch your arms on instinct. You always walked with your back hunched so of course your next natural impulse was to hold John. You wrap your arms around Ecto and then start rubbing your hands up and down along his back to comfort him.</p><p>"John..." You whisper into his shoulder blade.</p><p>Ecto takes in a small breath, he lightly hums as he sighs out the air.</p><p>He seems fine, but you need to know for peace of mind, "why were you crying?"</p><p>"I..." John admits, he doesn't even sound upset as he says, "I was talking with Karkat about something personal."</p><p>"Oh." </p><p>John was probably crying over Vantas... John never cries about his <em>own </em>problems in front of any of you guys.</p><p>You didn't know Karkat was feeling low, you should have picked up on something. He hasn't been shouting as you as frequently, but you thought that was because you had a deal not to argue unless it's over text. You should really talk to the guy about how he's holding up later, he's the Ecto to yourdad'scock after all. </p><p>You feel John pat your back, like he's consoling you. Ecto pulls away from you and glances up into your eyes as he says, </p><p>"I was hoping that you'd be in bed so I could sleep, but seeing that you're up, we should talk."</p><p>"Okay." You nod.</p><p>John states, "So! Karkat saw me standing in the kitchen, just staring at nothing like Dave always does, so I had to have a chat with our favorite grumpy guy about what I was feeling and it ended up making me cry but don't you worry! I actually feel pretty good!"</p><p>"Cool." You move your hands from John's back up to his shoulders. "But I'm still gonna worry."</p><p>"You're so sweet! You're always so good to me, Sollux!" John smiles a bright happy grin through his tear stained face and says, "Now! <em>we're</em> gonna open up to each other!"</p><p>"Come on! Come on!" John grabs your hand and pulls you over to your mattress. You smile at John like he's nuts as he drags you down to the floor. You sit down with your back against the wall as you rest on your mattress. John doesn't hesitate to cuddle up to you, something you're more than happy about. You fucking love a good bro cuddle.</p><p>John pats his hand on your knee and asks you once your wrap your arms around him, "so, how's everything going in your life?"</p><p>"Eh, pretty good." You shrug and confess, "I've been able to code, been drinking less soda, probably gonna jack off once you leave."</p><p>John laughs, "well... I'm glad you're open about everything. I like when you tell me how you're doing."</p><p>John's looking up at you now, you can see his expression from the light bouncing off of your laptop and Karkat's tacky pink lava lamp. You know that look. John's trying to get you to open up about <em>exactly </em>how you're feeling. That adorable face he's wearing at the moment looks so cute on him, he looks so damn close to smug.</p><p>You look down at him and let him know off the bat that talking about your mind is a stone cold pass,</p><p>"I have a million problems with my mind that only trained professionals have the armor and tools necessary to navigate through. You don't have that kinda machete in your tool set. You're not walking through that jungle and getting out alive, John."</p><p>John rolls his eyes, "Dave says the same thing about himself! Something about his mind being like some kinda war trench! But then I snuggle up to him like <em>thiiis." </em>John schooches and wiggles his way into your lap when your arms are still wrapped around him, "and I give him a little kiss." John kisses your cheek, "<em>and then</em> he tells me at least a little bit about how he's doing cause he's all comfy!"</p><p>"I'm in my regular setting, which is still pretty fucked so... I'd rather focus on the good shit I got going on for right now if you don't mind."</p><p>"Like how you have a <em>cute boy</em> in your lap." John covers his mouth with his fingertips and grins.</p><p>"I-" You take in a small breath and lightly shake your head, "John, I'm trying hard not to <em>play</em> around like that anymore."</p><p>"Who's playing?" John smiles up at you with that damn smug face again.</p><p>"Uh..." You look over at your laptop. Maybe you can pretend that you're waiting on a message from aa or some shit. You don't wanna stay like <em>this </em>with the guy Dave is head over heels over.</p><p>"John... Just a heads up, so you know." You shrug, "I'm... not the guy sending you messages."</p><p>"That doesn't matter to me right now." John smiles up at you. Ecto places his lips on your cheek again and confesses, "I just wanted you to hold me while I told you that... I think I'm really starting to see things clearly now."</p><p>John rests the top of his head in between your shoulder and your chin as he softly says, "I never knew how much I really cared for you three. Dave is so handsome and straight up hot. You're so funny and you always make me laugh... and Karkat is... well you know how cute he is!"</p><p>You feel your heart sink and then jump up into your throat, no... past your throat and into that deep black pit that is your mind. <em>'Just what is he getting at?' </em>Yeah, you ask yourself that when you know what he's getting at.</p><p>John cuddles up to you and lets out a tiny giggle. He nervously confesses, "and... um... looking back on all of the times that you kiss my neck I realise why I thought is was so funny! It really made me feel bubbly and silly!" John giggles like it's some kinda of funny joke, like this is all just a part of bro time and not like John just confessed that he was into you feeling him up! John giggles and tells you, "of course though... now that I know how I really feel about it, you need to go <em>easy on me."</em></p><p>John starts moving a bit back. You let him slip out of your arms. For once you feel happy that he's done cuddling with you. You're watching John sit up, waiting in bitter anticipation for him to leave.</p><p>John is still staring down at you, the pink light from the lava lamp outlining one half of his face. He's giving you a look, one that you'd rather he give Dave. John smiles and lightly laughs, "you look just as nervous as I feel!" John giggles and starts backing away, "we can talk more tomorrow if you want, I can tell from how tense you are, you want me to go and leave you alone so you can <em>enjoy</em> the rest of your night.<em>" </em></p><p>You know what he means by that. You wish he wouldn't have just implied that, but he did.</p><p>John backs up to the door and slowly slithers behind it, he smiles at you and then blows you a goodnight kiss before he tells you, "do your thing then go to bed! I wanna make breakfast in the morning tomorrow and not at three pm. Get those z's, honey."</p><p>John shuts the door. </p><p>Suddenly, you feel panicked. Sure, you already knew that John was kinda interested in you because of that call you overheard between Dave and his fucked up bro, but still, John telling you all that shit to your face is fucked up. </p><p>Your mind is usually filled with heavy thoughts, but the floodgates just fucking bursted. So many thoughts break into your mind and try to fight for your attention, but the one yelling the loudest is that you fucking told John you were going to jack off, and he flirted -actually flirted- with you about it.</p><p>This is bad, this all kinds of bad. </p><p>You need to fucking do something about this and quick,</p><p>but first. You gotta tend to... something else.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. waking daydream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're laying on your back now, blankly staring at the ceiling with your blood red eyes.</p><p>Just looking up at nothing. You're not even attempting to get any rest.</p><p>John just told you a moment ago that he... was attracted to you.</p><p>It almost feels like a dream...</p><p>You take in a deep breath and sigh.</p><p>You're so fucking tired now that your back is fucking killing you, doesn't help that your wrist is killing you too.</p><p>It's gonna keep killing you unless you get up and grab some bengay... but if John sees your up, he might wanna have another heart-to-heart with you and you don't know if you're gonna be able to take that.</p><p>
  <em>'You know what? Fuck it.'</em>
</p><p>You quietly step out into the hall, you're lucky that there's carpet up here so your footsteps aren't' making any noise. You just keep walking down the stairs, hoping that no one's gonna hear you creep down and into the-</p><p><span class="sans">"HE SAID THE SAME TO <strong>ME</strong> ABOUT DAVE."</span> Karkat mutters, <span class="sans">"SO IF HE WAS TRYING TO ROMANCE ME, HE REALLY FUCKED UP."</span></p><p>You walk closer to the two of them and they instantly stop talking. When they see you come around the corner and enter the kitchen, both Karkat and Sollux breathe a sigh of relief.</p><p>"oh thank god." Sollux clutches his heart as he whispers, "I thought you were ecto."</p><p>You waste no time. You whisper, "what were you two talking about just now?"</p><p>Sollux looks over at Karkat, Karkat takes in a light breath and then attempts to whisper, "JOHN JUST CONFESSED TO THE BOTH OF US THAT HE LIKES... UH... ALL THREE OF US."</p><p>You shut your eyes and feel like clawing your own heart out of your chest. John really went around saying that shit? You remember him saying something about finding all three of you to be <em>cute, </em>whatever that means, and you know your bro said the strangest shit over the phone, but you didn't think that John actually was gonna go door-to-door in the house telling all your roommates that he's gay and now he's got a new outlook on all <em>four </em>of you. </p><p>Sollux mutters, "sorry, man... karkat just said something about john kissing his cheek or something."</p><p>"BUT AFTER THAT HE CONFESSED THAT HE HAS FEELINGS FOR DAVE." Karkat tries to gain back your attention as you start walking around in a circle and tugging at your hair. Karkat walks over to you and places his hand onto your forearm to try to get you to stop walking around, it doesn't work. Vantas tells you, "I THINK THIS IS A GOOD SIGN, HE MADE A POINT TO TELL ME AND TO TELL SOLLUX THAT HE THINKS YOU ARE- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?"</p><p>Sollux whispers to gain back your focus, "dave. come on." </p><p>Sollux walks in front of you and grabs your shoulders, he makes you look at him as he says, "john told me that you were <em>straight up hot, </em>those were his exact words."</p><p>You bring your gaze up to the ceiling. You don't want to stop moving. You don't want to think. You're about to just break down and fall to pieces. </p><p>Before, John was always out of reach, untouchable. You didn't need to ever feel anything about improving yourself to be worthy of his love cause you knew you'd never have it... but now... John realizing that he actually <em>likes</em> men. John might not fully understand himself and might not have his interests figured out one-hundred percent of the way, sure, yeah... there's always a chance that John thinks you're cute today and then turns around and finds a man even better and he already proved he can talk to men without a problem. Oh God, what are you gonna do? John's going to turn the corner and find someone way better to him than you could ever be and he's going to deserve all that love all that happiness everything that you can't-</p><p>"Dave!" Sollux is shaking you now. He's gripping on tight to your shoulders and whispering out quiet grunts, "pull yourself together! You've been muttering to yourself for a full fucking minute now! John likes you, he might have flirted with me and kissed Karkat, but he likes you! Just keep sending him messages stop freaking shit! That's my job!"</p><p>"But-" You attempt to defend yourself, "you guys know John, you know how fuckin' sweet he is and I... I'm just not..."</p><p>"Not what? Not his type? That's bullshit. You're not good enough for him, horseshit! Are you not hot enough?! My erection begs to differ! Do we need to keep going through this?" Sollux looks like he's close to slapping you, "the time for fuckin' bitching is over, if you're not sure about how John really feels, I get that. You can just keep messaging him and ease him into being with you. You're at the final stretch now, you've legitimately achieve the perfect win scenario. So, fucking claim your prize for all the years of pining and crying and bitching over John!" </p><p>"I just- I don't know if..." You're sweating, your bangs are sticking to your face and pools of sweat are beginning to mark your shirt. Your back, your underarms, everything is drenched. "If." You pant. "If I'm even ready."</p><p>Sollux walks a bit back once you start shaking, "whoa, whoa... okay, I'm sorry if I pushed you too far man... I know you've been after John for a while, so this is all... kinda stressful... for all of us... I just... uh..."</p><p>Sollux brings his hand up to his face and starts biting down on the skin of his thumb, "Uh... I don't wanna stress you out more, TG... but John seems kinda..."</p><p>Karkat shoves Sollux a bit back with an outstretched hand and then grabs a hold of your face, Karkat pulls you a bit down to his level and tries to calm you down a bit,</p><p>"STRIDER. JOHN'S STARTING TO ACT A BIT WEIRD BECAUSE HE'S GOING THROUGH SOMETHINGS. HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO STRESS US ALL OUT WHILE HE'S FIGURING STUFF OUT AND HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO KEEP HAVING THESE <em>WAY</em> TOO PERSONAL AND DEEP CONVERSATIONS WITH US TILL HE FINDS OUT WHO'S IN LOVE WITH HIM SO THAT'S WHY SOLLUX WANTS YOU TO JUST RIP OFF THE BAND-AID AND CONFESS, BUT NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU JUST DO THAT. AND NO ONE SHOULD EITHER. IT'S NOT SOMETHING SOMEONE CAN JUST BRING THEMSELVES TO DO AFTER ALL THE TIMES THAT'S PASSED. BUT, STRIDER... MAYBE NOW <strong>IS</strong> THE TIME AND I THINK YOU SHOULD CONFESS HOW YOU FEEL TO JOHN SOON, BUT DON'T STRESS YOURSELF OUT. JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN. AND FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT JOHN WENT TO ALL THREE OF US AND HIS BIG COMING OUT STORY IS FOREVER GOING TO BE STAINED BY CONFESSING TO <em>THREE</em> DIFFERENT GUYS  AND THEN ODDLY JUST BRINGING UP THAT <strong>YOU </strong>ARE HOT, AND LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT HE REALLY WANTED TO HAMMER THAT POINT ACROSS. SO, JUST FUCKING... JUST TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU'VE GOT THIS. JUST CALM DOWN, FOCUS, AND TAKE THINGS ONE STEP AT A TIME."</p><p>"Hey..."You stare down at Karkat and give him a smile, as stressful and worried as it looks, "that's... actually kind of insightful." </p><p>"I HAVE MY MOMENTS." Karkat mutters. Sollux lets out a small chuckle. Captor is just hovering between the two of you, smiling down at both of you to tell you specifically that everything is alright. </p><p>You take in an unsteady breath and thank Karkat for his words. "Uh... thanks, Vantas. I just... I'm going through some things... cause John's going through things." </p><p>"RIGHT." Karkat slowly nods.</p><p>Everyone in your friend groups knows that anything that makes John even somewhat thrown off throws you out of whack completely. You can't help that you're synched up to him, his pain is your pain.</p><p>Vantas sighs and lets go of you. He quickly grabs your arms and turns you around, "NOW GO TO BED AND DON'T FUCK THIS UP."</p><p>Karkat shoves your back with both arms, "YOU KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER AND GIVE JOHN EVERYTHING HE DESERVES." </p><p>"I-" You stumble as you step forward. You fall a bit forward but catch yourself. You turn around and try to whisper/shout at Vantas for just shoving you. </p><p>The moment you do you hear footsteps stomping down the stairs. </p><p>All three of you basically panic as the footsteps get louder and closer. You stop what you're doing and casually lean against the kitchen sink. Sollux walks over to the fridge and grabs, probably what it is he came up for, a glass and then he begins to fill it with water. Karkat leans besides you and starts talking about his plans for the steam, "SO, I WAS THINKING THAT YOU COLLECT MONEY AND... HEY, JOHN."</p><p>"What are you three doing up?" Oh shit. John has the magazine in his hands. "I want you all up in the morning cause I'm gonna make a big breakfast and I expect that you three all get up and eat it. Now you three get your butts in bed or I'm gonna give you a love tap." John makes an adorable angry face. You instantly get up off the sink and confess, "sure thing, I just needed some bengay."</p><p>"Why?" Sollux jokes as he pulls away from the fridge, "is your wrist aching from jacking it to hard?"</p><p>"Only god can judge me." You smile as you walk over to the fridge and search one of the drawers for the cream. Once you start applying it to your wrist, John starts laughing so hard that he drops his magazine. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Snuggly and lovingly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You're happily walking down the stairs. You just got up and you're ready to start making some breakfast for your favorite guys!</p><p>It's about eight a.m. so you're sure your guys are all snoozing and they probably will be for a while, but you're gonna make a big, big, <strong>big! </strong>breakfast for them! Since you don't work till later tonight, you're gonna make sure to cuddle up with all of them on the couch and maybe even get em all to take a big nap together! Yeah! You dig it, that's so what you're gonna do! And you're sure Sollux is gonna love it! He seemed really excited to wrap his arms around you last time you cuddled. You bet Captor thinks you didn't pick up on it, but you know Sollux loves hugs! Sollux never takes his arms off of you when he hugs you! Karkat opened up to you too, you're sure he likes all the attention that you give him when you force him to cuddle, if he really didn't like it, you'd be able to tell and you'd let go. Dave's always down for a cuddle too, which is great, cause he's your favorite to cuddle! And watch movies with, and drive with and sing with and dance with. You love doing just about everything with your number one guy. Dang...You really hope Dave doesn't get a bit jealous that you're gonna be spending more time on the phone than normal cause now you've got a secret boyfriend who doesn't even know he's <em>kinda sorta trial dating you-</em>ish. Eh... you might give him some hints you're interested, you like the idea of making this guy more hopeful, then he'll be more optimistic! After all, he's probably one of your roomies. And wait a moment... yeah, if he's one of your roomies than he already knows that you're interested in boys. Interested in boys and him!</p><p>You feel so renewed. It wasn't as hard as you thought it would be confessing that you liked your roomies. Well, it was a little hard the first time, but that's only cause Dave looks so sexy and you might have nudged your knee into his noodle a little. Hehehe! At the time it was so awkward, but for some reason that feels like it's all behind you now, so it's funny! You're a new man today! And you're gonna start living like a new man! That means trying out a nice new recipe, you think there's some stuff saved on your phone you wanted to try making for your guys. You smile and giggle as you finish walking down the last step and past the living room. Before you even step into the kitchen, your phone dings. You recognize that special ding! You set that ding up for your new boy toy!</p><p>Once you get into the kitchen, you unlock your phone and smile ear to ear.</p><hr/><p class="honey">hey</p><p class="john">hello there!</p><p class="john">i was kinda hoping your messages would stay more frequent,</p><p class="john">i haven't heard from you for a while.</p><p class="john">:c</p><p class="john">but uh, i got some good news for you!</p><p class="john">boy...</p><p class="john">i really hope that you aren’t still trying to get over me!</p><p class="john">cause like... um</p><p class="john">okay.</p><p class="john">guess what?</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">you have to try to guess!</p><p class="honey">well i have no clue what you want me to say</p><p class="john">and i already gave you a nice big hint!</p><p class="honey">well if you did</p><p class="honey">then i missed it.</p><p class="john">ask yourself WHY would i tell you i hope you aren't still trying to get over me???</p><p class="honey">you think you might uh...</p><p class="honey">be into guys?</p><p class="john">think i might be into guys AND you!</p><p class="john">PANDORA'S BOX IS OPEN!</p><p class="john">i realized that i’m gay and i’m starting to come to terms with my feelings!</p><p class="john">i'm super open to exploring everything right now!</p><p class="john">i don't know what i like...</p><p class="john">but i know i really love talking to you!</p><p class="honey">well...</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">i'm mostly just happy that you're feeling more confident in yourself</p><p class="john">YEAH! i am!!!</p><p class="honey">and i'm happy that you enjoy talking to me... like this i mean...</p><p class="john">i sure do!</p><p class="honey">but uh...</p><p class="john">oh.</p><p class="john">don't worry your pretty little head off!</p><p class="john">i only wanna talk to you about what's in your heart, not who you are.</p><p class="honey">thank god</p><p class="john">heh</p><p class="john">yep and today is just gonna be you and me, talking about life and stuff...</p><p class="john">i'm just gonna be honest about how i feel...</p><p class="john">and saying what's on my mind when i have something on my mind...</p><p class="john">and also...</p><p class="john">rereading your messages again,</p><p class="john">i think your feelings for me are honestly, really REALLY cute!</p><p class="john">cause like...</p><p class="john">WELL, YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY CUTE!!!</p><p class="honey">damn.</p><p class="honey">well.</p><p class="honey">idk</p><p class="honey">i'm not so sure that my random confessions to you are like cute...</p><p class="honey">they are more like...</p><p class="honey">sad?</p><p class="john">NO!</p><p class="john">THEY ARE SUPER CUTE!</p><p class="honey">didn't you yourself say that my messages were sad?</p><p class="john">I SAID THAT IT WAS SAD I WAS TORMENTING YOU!!! DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH!</p><p class="john">those messages were adorable and cute!!!</p><p class="honey">yeah...</p><p class="honey">maybe you just think my old messages are cause they're not in front of you at the moment...</p><p class="honey">cause i've been going over them too</p><p class="honey">and john,</p><p class="honey">they are total shit.</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="john">now the shoe is on the other foot!!!</p><p class="john">you were all like, "ohhh, john! you're super cute and super nice!"</p><p class="john">"i want you to know just how much i LOOOVE you! just how much i think you're kissable and I wanna doodle your kanoodle!"</p><p class="john">"ohhh... but all the girls want you too cause you're so cute and nice! i better just tell you i love you and set you free cause ur straight!"</p><p class="john">WELL!</p><p class="john">too bad, fool!</p><p class="john">now you're stuck with me!</p><p class="john">HAHAHA!</p><p class="john">you poor fool.</p><p class="john">now we both have to talk about our feelings and confess what's on our minds.</p><p class="john">and i got to like get something off my chest...</p><p class="john">but i'm sure you already heard the big news already!</p><p class="john">that i'm like...</p><p class="john">SUPER crushing on you!</p><p class="honey">huh? what are you talking about?</p><p class="john">oh don't act like you don't know!</p><p class="john">i told you that i like you!</p><p class="john">we had this conversation last night!</p><p class="john">face TO your pretty cute face!</p><p class="honey">john</p><p class="honey">are you talking about one of your three roommates or something?</p><p class="john">i'm talking about YOU and my two other roommates!!!</p><p class="honey">wait... so you mean that?</p><p class="honey">uh... you’ve got a thing for all three of your roommates?</p><p class="john">i'm not shy about it.</p><p class="john">they're all cute.</p><p class="john">and I’m pretty darn sure you’re one of them!</p><p class="john">like 98% sure.</p><p class="honey">last time you were that sure,</p><p class="honey">it was about these messages being a joke.</p><p class="john">Okay!</p><p class="john">i was wrong then!!!</p><p class="john">but the chances of me being wrong now are suuuper slimmmmm!!!!!</p><p class="honey">yeah.</p><p class="honey">i'm not gonna give you anything to work with...</p><p class="honey">sorry, bud.</p><p class="john">i already told you!</p><p class="john">i don't NEED to know who you are right at this VERY MOMENT!</p><p class="john">i just wanna speak my mind. </p><p class="john">and for right now, i'm content with just talking to you and trying to understand your feelings more!</p><p class="john">this is mostly a convo where i admit to myself</p><p class="john">the world and you...</p><p class="john">that i'm gay and also have a convo where we talk about our fweeeewings!</p><p class="john">so let's see...</p><p class="john">how about we get to know each other a little bit more then!?!</p><p class="honey">okay?</p><p class="honey">i mean, we're already talking so...</p><p class="john">SO!</p><p class="john">i'll ask you a few questions and you can ask me some too! </p><p class="john">and i promise to ask nothing super personal that gives you away. </p><p class="honey">that i'm down with. </p><p class="honey">just so long as you don’t keep playing guess who with me.</p><p class="john">okay, cutie!</p><p class="john">but i wanna go first cause it was my idea!</p><p class="honey">fair.</p><p class="john">what’s your favorite thing about me?</p><p class="honey">damn.</p><p class="honey">i can’t pick just one thing.</p><p class="john">well, you gotta!</p><p class="john">&gt;:p</p><p class="honey">uhh...</p><p class="honey">your compassion?</p><p class="john">cute!</p><p class="john">i love that you look for something like that above everything else!</p><p class="john">you look at me for my compassion and then for my super cute looks!</p><p class="john">that’s a really nice trait!</p><p class="honey">hmm.</p><p class="john">hmm?</p><p class="john">why hmm?</p><p class="honey">you used to be a lot more skeptical</p><p class="honey">i don't know what happened to you...</p><p class="honey">but uh...</p><p class="honey">with what i just told you, about liking your compassion first above everything else...</p><p class="honey">the old you would have kept pressing me about if that was true or not.</p><p class="john">i trust that it is.</p><p class="honey">yeah, i mean it is true…</p><p class="honey">but how are you so sure that i’m not just saying that to try to impress you?</p><p class="honey">or that i'm hiding how i actually feel from you about some other trait, like your looks, cause i don't want you to judge me?</p><p class="john">HAHA!</p><p class="john">my looks!</p><p class="john">oh god! you're funny!</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="honey">have you seen yourself?</p><p class="john">ugh.</p><p class="john">is this about me being super cutesy or something?</p><p class="honey">uh... kinda?</p><p class="john">huh.</p><p class="honey">i mean that's part of it.</p><p class="honey">you are super cute.</p><p class="honey">but you're like so hot that you're like... way out of my league so...</p><p class="john">:Y</p><p class="john">huh?</p><p class="honey">just saying, you look way better than you think you do.</p><p class="honey">and maybe someday soon you'll see that.</p><p class="john">well fine, i guess in "your" eyes i have good looks.</p><p class="honey">not just in my eyes, but okay.</p><p class="honey">just so long as you know that i love you for how kind you are.</p><p class="honey">fuck that sounds cheesy</p><p class="john">aw..</p><p class="john">no it don't.</p><p class="john">it cute.</p><p class="honey">roxy's rubbing off on you again.</p><p class="john">is that a bad thing?</p><p class="john">i love how straightforward and nice roxy be.</p><p class="honey">well, you're the same in that way.</p><p class="john">hmmmm...</p><p class="honey">are you being sceptical now?</p><p class="john">no .</p><p class="john">i know that's the truth.</p><p class="john">i know cause all three of my roommates value me for how kind i am...</p><p class="john">AND! BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING!</p><p class="john">even if you aren’t one of my roomies, you’d still value me for that cause all our friends do too!</p><p class="honey">yeah, i guess you're right about that.</p><p class="honey">everyone in our friend group loves you for how sweet you are.</p><p class="honey">you cook for all of us when we meet up and you always go out of your way to make sure everyone's included...</p><p class="honey">and that's</p><p class="honey">that's uh...</p><p class="honey">well it was the thing that made me fall for you completely.</p><p class="john">awwww!!!</p><p class="john">YOU ARE TOO CUTE!</p><p class="honey">um... it's my turn to ask a question right?</p><p class="john">mmh hmm!</p><hr/><p>You actually nod your head as you look down at your phone screen.</p><hr/><p class="honey">just cause i'm curious now...</p><p class="honey">what is it that you like about your three roommates?</p><p class="honey">why do you have a crush on them?</p><p class="john">ohhh! a three parter!</p><p class="john">okay! um...</p><p class="john">i guess i'll start in order of how i just confessed to them then!</p><p class="john">dave is super, super ridiculously handsome!</p><p class="john">you already know that he looks like a model!</p><p class="john">just looking at him always makes me so happy!</p><p class="john">oh! and like he's got that kinda stare that like hits me right in my soul!!!</p><p class="john">his eyes are so pretty!</p><p class="john">even before i noticed i have a big ol' crush on him, i always thought that his stare was like... so striking.</p><p class="john">but like... the other day...</p><p class="john">i had dinner with all three of my roommates in a restaurant</p><p class="john">i fed dave with my own chopsticks.</p><p class="john">and i kinda started thinking about how couples do that kinda thing and we might have looked like an item.</p><p class="john">and then i thought about being in a relationship with dave and what that might feel like...</p><p class="john">and i noticed just how much i love the idea of uh...</p><p class="john">being with him.</p><p class="john">then on the ride over, i was sitting in the backseat of my own car.</p><p class="john">and looking up at dave sitting in the passenger seat.</p><p class="john">and he gave me a smile,</p><p class="john">not like a smirk,</p><p class="john">but a real strider smile...</p><p class="john">and then i couldn't stop thinking about pulling him into a hug, and kissing his cheek!</p><p class="john">and i know that i always do that.</p><p class="john">i always kissed dave and all my friends!</p><p class="john">i like being affectionate cause i wanna show how much i love you all!</p><p class="john">but like...</p><p class="john">i really wanted to kiss him.</p><p class="john">in like a way that felt kinda...</p><p class="john">i don't know the right word for it...</p><p class="honey">wrong?</p><p class="john">not wrong!</p><p class="john">but like...</p><p class="john">dirty?</p><p class="honey">dirty?</p><p class="john">he made me feel like my back was pressed against a wall.</p><p class="john">when he smiles at me, sometimes i feel like this strange feeling in my stomach rise up to my chest.</p><p class="john">and i always figured it was cause i love seeing him smile.</p><p class="john">cause it's so rare dave gives me a big, happy grin.</p><p class="john">but this time when i saw it...</p><p class="john">i just wanted to pull dave into a hug and never let him go.</p><p class="john">i wanted to smooch every part of his face and tell him that his smile is so nice, and his face is so pretty.</p><p class="john">and i want to yell in his face about how freaking hot he is!!!</p><p class="john">and i mean soooo hot</p><p class="john">like melt your heart kind of HOT!</p><p class="john">uh... sorry i just went off there for a moment.</p><p class="john">i'm just now getting used to the idea of liking... uh...</p><p class="john">dudes.</p><p class="honey">you're fine.</p><p class="john">yeah.</p><p class="john">you think i'm "fine."</p><p class="john">hehehehe.</p><p class="john">Anyway...</p><p class="john">after i saw dave smile at me in the car, i got all mixed up inside.</p><p class="john">like "oh no! he's is my best friend, i can't have a huge crush on my best friend!"</p><p class="john">i wanted to keep my distance from dave after that.</p><p class="john">but then i thought that my feelings might start to come between our friendship.</p><p class="john">and then when we got home, dave invited me to sleep on top of him, and i can't turn down a good bro cuddle!</p><p class="john">then when i started to get all tripped up in my head, i knew i had to confess how i felt!</p><p class="john">i had to just bite the bullet and do it!</p><p class="john">i just had to confess to dave how i felt, right to his face while i was laying on top of him!</p><p class="john">mostly because i wanted to prove to dave... and to myself... that i'm always going to be his best friend, no matter what i feel!</p><p class="john">but like...</p><p class="john">before i confessed...</p><p class="john">i just wanted to run away.</p><p class="john">hide in my room.</p><p class="john">get under the covers.</p><p class="john">and just sleep until i forget i ever felt anything for my best friend.</p><p class="john">but i'd rather lose both my feet than ever lose dave's friendship!</p><p class="john">he's my favorite guy! my player 1! the spaghetti to my meatballs!</p><p class="john">whoever takes me to prom is going to have to cope with him being my limo driver if you know what i mean.</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">you mean like when you get married, dave's gonna be your best man kinda thing?</p><p class="john">yeah!</p><p class="honey">and every christmas you're gonna be making gingerbread houses with dave while your future husband stands by and watches?</p><p class="john">YES!</p><p class="john">UGGH!</p><p class="john">you totally get me!!!</p><p class="john">dave's gonna always be my backup!</p><p class="john">and i'm always gonna be his ride or die buddy!</p><p class="john">whatever guy i end up with is gonna have to deal.</p><p class="john">but i don't wanna give you a jellybelly either.</p><p class="honey">i'm not jealous</p><p class="honey">i'm cool with that.</p><p class="honey">i love that you have someone always having your back like that.</p><p class="john">awwww!</p><p class="john">you're sweet!</p><p class="john">buuuuut...</p><p class="john">you gotta admit that dave's reaaally good looking.</p><p class="john">i'm probably always gonna have a micro crush on him, at the very least!</p><p class="john">like, sorry if you're not him, but dude...</p><p class="john">come on, you're into guys.</p><p class="john">you probably have checked him out before, right?</p><p class="john">he's like... hmmm...</p><p class="john">he's like yum.</p><p class="john">you know?</p><p class="honey">do i know???</p><p class="john">dude... he gives like the best hugs and he's super nice to use as a mattress...</p><p class="john">but like in the future when i start dating i'll reserve those snuggly cuddles for my first boytoy, whoever it is.</p><p class="john">tight like a lid on a jar</p><p class="john">like an otter and a scallop.</p><p class="honey">okay...?</p><p class="john">so long as he's cool with being the big spoon.</p><p class="john">can you dig that?</p><p class="john">hugging me and being the big spoon???</p><p class="honey">i uh...</p><p class="john">what is it, honey?</p><p class="honey">i just want to hug you in general.</p><p class="john">so cute! so cute! SO CUTE!</p><hr/><p>Oh no! He's too cute! You don't wanna completely give away that you're interested in this guy, but he's probably one of your roommates anyway! And he had GOT TO KNOW JUST HOW CUTE HE IS!!!</p><hr/><p class="john">i wanna pinch your cheeks, mister!</p><p class="honey">okay.</p><p class="john">You've gotta stop being such a QTpi</p><p class="honey">i'll try.</p><p class="john">AH!</p><p class="john">adorable.</p><p class="john">so adorable that I uh...</p><p class="john">completely forgot what we were talking about.</p><p class="honey">no big deal.</p><p class="honey">we were talking about uh...</p><p class="honey">your feelings about dave, i think.</p><p class="john">oh yeah.</p><p class="john">damn.</p><p class="john">sorry i weirded you out with my "dave's super hot" talk.</p><p class="john">but come on...</p><p class="john">come on.</p><p class="john">do i need to pull up a pic of him?</p><p class="honey">no, i get it.</p><p class="john">cause i can totally find a pic of him shirtless for us both to gawk at.</p><p class="john">like this could be a bonding thing for us.</p><p class="honey">maybe next time.</p><hr/><p>You cover your mouth with one hand as you chuckle. This guy is funny too! A moment before you're able to message the guy that he's hilarious, your secret admirer sent you another message.</p><hr/><p class="honey">i get that you like dave cause he has good looks.</p><p class="honey">i guess that's part of coming to terms with your sexuality, looking at muscular dudes and eyeballing them like they're meat on a spit.</p><p class="honey">i don't blame you for thinking about dave along those lines.</p><p class="honey">but... does he really have the most...</p><p class="honey">attractive?</p><p class="honey">personality???</p><p class="john">WHAT?</p><p class="john">are you dissing my favorite guy?!</p><p class="john">he's the sweetest, chillest, guy ever!!!</p><p class="honey">i mean chill, sure.</p><p class="john">You're saying that like he's not the sweetest bro in the whole wide wild world!!!!</p><p class="honey">i thought that we were all on the same page about you being the sweetest guy in our friend group?</p><p class="john">oh.</p><p class="john">well, just cause you guys all think i'm the sweetest doesn't make dave any less sweet.</p><p class="honey">hm.</p><p class="john">he's cool!!!</p><p class="honey">uh.</p><p class="john">and dave goes out of his way to help people too!</p><p class="honey">does he?</p><p class="john">YEAH! I live with him I would know!</p><p class="honey">he just doesn't seem like the type of guy that goes out of his way for people he doesn't know well.</p><p class="john">HE WOULD! He just doesn't cause he's a shy guy!</p><p class="john">Daves super open minded, unlike you, you big jerk!!!</p><p class="honey">how am I being close minded?</p><p class="john">you're judging dave off of how shy he can be!</p><p class="john">the fucks up with that you meanie?</p><p class="john">&gt;:C</p><p class="honey">hey hey... i think everyone in our friend group is you know "off" in someway when it comes to people</p><p class="honey">especially people we don't already know.</p><p class="honey">dave's fine.</p><p class="john">fine?</p><p class="john">just fine?</p><p class="honey">uh... he's kinda cool...</p><p class="john">kinda? huh?</p><p class="john">how do you feel about dave then?</p><p class="john">If i may ask.</p><p class="honey">i would tell you, but you're not done answering your question yet.</p><p class="john">Oh! Right! Right!</p><p class="john">we were talking about how i feel about all my roomies right?!</p><p class="john">okay so dave's hot!</p><p class="john">base covered!</p><p class="john">who's next...</p><p class="honey">whoever you confessed to next?</p><p class="john">Karkat!</p><p class="john">he's a little sweetheart, but if you wanna see that sweet side of his you have to get under that cute adorable surface layer of his and wiggle your way into his heart!</p><p class="john">and he’s got a wall around that heart of his and he doesn’t wanna let anyone in… but he can't help himself.</p><p class="john">he keeps letting me in there!</p><p class="john">ha...</p><p class="john">i actually cried over him the other night right when i was confessing to him.</p><p class="john">i just felt so sad, i feel sad whenever karkat tells me about his past.</p><p class="john">i was thinking all about how his parents weren't really looking out for him when he was growing up, they were never home and expected Karkat to basically raise himself.</p><p class="john">i bet he must have felt abandoned.</p><p class="john">i can remember back when my dad was starting to build up his restaurant when i was like a kid and he worked long shifts all the time.</p><p class="john">I would come home from school to an empty house.</p><p class="john">and I would cry some days in the shower cause I missed my dad that much.</p><p class="john">i can only imagine what he must have felt all the time growing up.</p><p class="john">i know that karkat always wants to make a big show about how none of this gets to him and none of it matters.</p><p class="john">but i know he wouldn't mind me talking about this kinda stuff with anyone else in our friend group.</p><p class="john">he's always gotta act like he's so tough and strong that nothing ever hurts him.</p><p class="john">when we were kids though... it was a different story.</p><p class="john">he never wanted to talk to anyone about how he felt until i pressed him on it.</p><p class="john">now i think he might actually have moved past all that.</p><p class="john">cause we're his family and he knows how much we wuv him!</p><p class="john">i'm just so happy that karkat can come to me with anything though and if he tells me to keep it in confidence i absolutely will!</p><p class="john">i also love that he never felt like he was a loser or felt weak for talking to me about how he feels!</p><p class="john">i always want you guys to feel like you can come to me with anything!</p><p class="john">it matters so much to me that i have your trust.</p><p class="john">so i'm very thankful that you came to me with your confession too.</p><p class="john">i kinda... feel shitty for laughing at it at first.</p><p class="john">but that's cause i thought no one could ever love me like that... it sounded so preposterous.</p><p class="honey">i might have been tired out of my mind when i messaged you that first batch of confessions.</p><p class="john">i know. i could tell.</p><p class="john">but looking over them now... i think they are lovely.</p><p class="john">and it's honestly a beautiful thing to me that you just put your feelings out there, it's the kind of bravery i wanna emulate.</p><p class="john">i know that i never talk about how i personally feel.</p><p class="john">i just...</p><p class="john">okay.</p><p class="john">so a while ago, i felt so low i didn't know what to do.</p><p class="john">and i didn't want to worry dave, cause i knew he had a lot on his mind and i didn't want to stress him</p><p class="john">mostly cause whenever i get a little bit stressed, dave drops what he's doing to make sure i'm okay.</p><p class="honey">yeah... he kinda freaks shit when you even hint at being stressed...</p><p class="john">yeah.</p><p class="john">cause he's a bro like that.</p><p class="john">and i bet if i told him that i felt like a loser cause i'm a virgin nerd, he'd be all over me telling me how he's in the same boat and he can't find anyone cause he's super shy.</p><p class="john">and dave would say that i'm like "so totally like chill, man. any chick would love to have you, john."</p><p class="john">i guess that really is true too! lol!</p><p class="honey">it is.</p><p class="john">but like i couldn't bring myself to say anything to davey about it... i really felt ashamed that i felt like miserable about anything at all!</p><p class="honey">don't feel ashamed, and don't beat yourself up about this either.</p><p class="honey">the important thing is that you're open about talking about how you feel now.</p><p class="john">yeah, i should have voiced that i felt kinda low, i told karkat but no one else...</p><p class="john">and, honey?</p><p class="john">i'm really glad that i ended up getting that message from you.</p><p class="john">you've changed me for the better.</p><p class="john">and like made me realize just how hot man boobs are</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><p class="john">like i said,</p><p class="john">you changed me for the better.</p><p class="honey">i'm glad.</p><p class="john">:)</p><p class="john">from now on, i wanna be like you and confess how i feel, even if it feels akward!</p><p class="john">and don't worry about me at all, okay?!</p><p class="john">i promise you that i'm done with all that secret pity party stuff! (ft. karkat)</p><p class="john">now i'm gonna be 100% honest all the time about how i feel and what i want!</p><p class="john">honest with you and with all my friends!</p><p class="john">and i want to try to get to know you better, your feelings and what you like about me.</p><p class="john">that way i can start to view myself in the sameish kinda light.</p><p class="john">i hope you're okay with me picking your mind apart.</p><p class="honey">i'm trying to be...</p><p class="john">and that's great!</p><p class="honey">and i'm sure you're gonna start viewing yourself in a better light soon, john.</p><p class="honey">you just need to be open to viewing yourself for who you are and not who you perceive yourself to be.</p><p class="john">yeah! you're right about that.</p><p class="john">i think i'm pretty quick to adapting actually.</p><p class="john">i didn't know i was gay till like what? how many hours ago???</p><p class="honey">i wouldn't know.</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="john">well, i called dirk about it and he confirmed it for me.</p><p class="honey">oh.</p><p class="john">yeah! and then i realized that all three of my roommates are like super smoochable.</p><p class="john">in like a sexy way.</p><p class="honey">wow.</p><p class="john">and like... wow</p><p class="john">i didn't even think that i was lovable till you messaged me.</p><p class="john">and apparently i'm kinda hot!?</p><p class="honey">at least according to some stranger on the internet.</p><p class="john">ha!</p><p class="john">more like a cutie hiding behind a mask! oh! mysterious!</p><p class="honey">haha.</p><p class="john">yep!</p><p class="john">and well, everyone in our group thinks I'm like bangable... at least I think everyone does.</p><p class="honey">oh trust me, they do.</p><p class="john">cool, and like... well...</p><p class="john">i guess that some guy in a restaurant recently told me that i have the kinda body that he wants...</p><p class="john">and if the girls think i'm cute and dateable then i guess probably look really nice.</p><p class="honey">more than nice.</p><p class="john">what's more than nice?</p><p class="honey">you're more like... you know... perfect.</p><p class="john">awwww!</p><p class="john">well maybe one day, when i look in a mirror, i'll see it.</p><p class="honey">i know you will.</p><p class="john">maybe if we trade eyes i'll see it right away.</p><p class="honey">haha...</p><p class="john">ooooohhhh! do you look first when you look at me?!!?!?!</p><p class="honey">your smile.</p><p class="honey">love it to death.</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="john">you have some strange tastes.</p><p class="honey">thought we were gonna try to view you in a better light here in this convo we're having today right now.</p><p class="john">lol.</p><p class="john">you sound like you're having a panic attack.</p><p class="honey">not quite yet.</p><p class="honey">think i'm getting a heart attack though.</p><p class="john">haha! oh! i have an idea to send you over the edge!</p><hr/><p>You pull your phone away from your face and exit the app for a moment. You just need to raise your phone above your head like this and maybe turn your head a little. There! You snap a photo and quickly send it to the cutie messaging you.</p><hr/><p class="honey">whoa.</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="john">look at my face!</p><p class="honey">damn. how can i not?</p><p class="john">hm... i guess i do have a nice smile.</p><p class="john">fat cheeks though.</p><p class="john">but i bet you wanna kiss em all over!</p><p class="honey">damn.</p><p class="john">ooooooooOOOOOoooo!</p><p class="john">that's gay.</p><p class="honey">okay. you called me out.</p><p class="john">EHEHEHE!</p><p class="honey">maybe though...</p><p class="honey">you should really try to see what i see.</p><p class="john">i can TRY but i don't know if i'm going to be able to bring myself to like...</p><p class="john">idk jack off to this.</p><hr/><p>You scroll up a bit and look at the image again. You're smiling a big happy grin. Your skins completely clear and the color of golden almonds. Your eyes are the shape of almonds too and they are completely blue. Your hair is black and messy as ever, but you think that messy hair only adds to your charm! Aw Karkat has messy black hair too! And Sollux also has glasses that frame his face really well. Hm... You're nowhere near as handsome as Dave is though, but when he smiles big like this he's cheeks puff up a bit, just like yours do.</p><hr/><p class="john">hmmmmmm.....</p><p class="john">looking at this pic again...</p><p class="john">i kinda look cute.</p><p class="john">like kissable.</p><p class="john">i could see a lonely boy chasing after my heart, sure sure.</p><p class="john">i mean... i am kinda pretty.</p><p class="honey">i'm glad you picked up on that so quick.</p><p class="john">yay progress!</p><p class="john">maybe we can both make some!</p><p class="john">i'm really hoping that you accept that your little love messages are really adorable soon!</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">i don't think that'll happen anytime soon, but i can try.</p><p class="john">we can work on feeling better about ourselves together!</p><p class="honey">sure</p><p class="john">yay!</p><p class="john">okay!!</p><p class="john">you asked me a question and i think i should get around to answering it!!!</p><p class="john">but i'm dumb so i forgot it...</p><p class="honey">you were talking about how you feel about karkat.</p><p class="john">cool!</p><p class="john">so back on track! I think Karkat is super cute!</p><p class="john">he has a squishy face and he’s the nicest to hug but not the nicest be be hugged by if you know what I’m saying.</p><p class="honey">are we still talking about hugs?</p><hr/><p>You ignore his message and keep typing.</p><hr/><p class="john">sometimes when karkat forgets to shave and he gets that little scraggly beard going on…</p><p class="john">hmm…</p><p class="john">it's super cute.</p><p class="honey">so you're into that?</p><p class="john">into what?</p><p class="honey">beards?</p><p class="john">lol</p><p class="john">i didn't end up dating roxy so...</p><p class="honey">DAMN</p><p class="john">hahaha!</p><p class="john">lol well</p><p class="john">i kinda do like five o' clock shadow yeah, but like idk, i think it's just kinda... nice to see him a little bit gruff...</p><p class="honey">so... seeing karkat with stubble turns you on? for real?</p><p class="john">uhhh… you mean like…</p><p class="john">"turn me on" turn me on?</p><p class="honey">yeah?</p><p class="john">huh? hmm...</p><p class="john">you mean like... gets me off?</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="john">or do you mean if i think it's sexy?</p><p class="john">cause i think maybe it's like a 5 out of 10 on the sexy scale.</p><p class="honey">like... for real?</p><p class="john">mmhmmm!</p><p class="john">he's like... i don't know!</p><p class="john">i usually don't think about sex stuff but uhh...</p><p class="john">recently i haven't been able to help myself...</p><p class="john">but i'd rather not talk about that right now.</p><p class="john">let's get back to the questions!</p><p class="john">uh... i forget again what we're doing.</p><p class="honey">how you feel about sollux?</p><p class="john">oh yeah!</p><p class="john">um... he's super cute.</p><p class="john">and like he gives out these really good hugs.</p><p class="john">getting spooned by a guy that tall with such long limbs,</p><p class="john">it's fucking nice.</p><p class="honey">so you really are talking about hugs.</p><p class="john">damn straight.</p><p class="john">i'm all about hugs!</p><p class="john">but i also really like sollux because he's a really funny guy!</p><p class="john">he always finds a way to make me laugh and he's kinda got like this handsome sideburn thing going on...</p><p class="john">he's got like these cute specs, and he kinda looks like those sexy boys that nepeta used to post gifs of.</p><p class="john">you know, the ones from the animes?</p><p class="honey">yeah... i guess i can kinda see that?</p><p class="honey">and sollux does have this strange kinda charm that just attracts women to him.</p><p class="john">yeah!</p><p class="john">i think it’s cause he's got like this contagious laugh and even though he's not always happy, he tries his best to make other people happy.</p><p class="john">that's a 10 out of 10 on the sexy meter for this judge!</p><p class="john">you'd probably agree, right?</p><p class="john">i mean, that's what you like me for soooo.... sexy right?</p><p class="honey">yeah...</p><p class="honey">sollux is sexy.</p><p class="john">:o</p><p class="honey">i... might have given sollux a little bit of thought once or twice.</p><p class="john">ohhhh!?!?!?!</p><p class="john">do tell.</p><p class="honey">it was like part of this phase i was going through a while ago. I was trying to get over how i felt about you and i was looking through all the guys.</p><p class="john">dave's the sexist though, right!?!?!?</p><p class="honey">wow.</p><p class="honey">you aren't even hiding how excited you are about dave.</p><p class="john">tell me you don't wanna just crawl up on dave’s chest and take a big nap!?</p><p class="honey">okay, so the egbert scale of fuckablity is apparently who's the best guy to take a nap on and hug???</p><p class="john">it's part of the point system.</p><p class="john">but all my roomies get a 10 out of 10 for loveablity!</p><p class="john">you get a 9 till you can see your love confession is cute.</p><p class="john">oh!</p><p class="john">how would you rate my guys!</p><p class="honey">you're not done with your question.</p><p class="john">fine! i'll tell you all about sollux if you tell me all about how you feel about him too then!</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">how about i rate him instead?</p><p class="honey">guess if you're a 10 then sollux is like a...</p><p class="honey">five.</p><p class="john">A FIVE?!?!!?</p><p class="john">Back it up!?!?</p><p class="john">A FIVE!?</p><p class="john">what are your standards?</p><p class="honey">he's a bit too... handsie...</p><p class="john">HOW IS THAT A BAD THING?</p><p class="honey">he doesn't have any restraint, and he's too blunt.</p><p class="john">ugh.</p><p class="john">that's part of what makes him sexy!!!</p><p class="john">sollux is really funny and likes making people laugh.</p><p class="john">sure, he gets a little out of hand sometimes, but all you boys do in your own way!</p><p class="john">sollux is still really nice and he just likes making people frustrated cause he thinks it's funny!!!</p><p class="honey">yeah... actually...</p><p class="honey">you used to do that too when we were all still like thirteen.</p><p class="john">ah. so you remembered?</p><p class="honey">yeah. i guess you two have the same fucked up sense of humor.</p><p class="john">sure do!</p><p class="john">that’s probably why you got it up for him huh!? cause he reminds you a bit of me???</p><p class="john">only somewhat though, lol! dave said sollux would be a selfish lover!</p><p class="honey">what?!?!?</p><p class="john">lolololol i don't really wanna talk about sexy "sex" stuff yet</p><p class="john">but i do think that's a fitting description of sollux!!</p><p class="honey">whoa.</p><p class="john">lol, when dave said it he was like super casual about it too.</p><p class="john">actually! this is kinda fun! talking about sex stuff like this!</p><p class="john">um... what do you think about sollux then, you said you gave him some thought.</p><p class="honey">uh... i just kinda thought since he's so handsie with you and your roommates all the time he might be looking for a guy to test the field with... thought i could be that guy.</p><p class="john">that's not descriptive enough!</p><p class="honey">and i kinda found his attitude kinda hot.</p><p class="john">oh hohohoho!</p><p class="john">yeah! he's kinda yummy!</p><p class="john">oh my god! talking about this kinda stuff is making me like "fifty shades" of nervous!</p><p class="john">this is so much fun but i don't know how much more i can take.</p><p class="honey">maybe talk about what you like about sollux.</p><p class="john">and not how i would "like" my sollux, i catch your drift.</p><p class="john">we can talk about sollux's mystery amount of dingle dongs another time.</p><p class="honey">uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...</p><p class="john">lol so!</p><p class="john">we were talking about how sollux likes to get under people's skin.</p><p class="john">yeah... sollux likes to poke fun of stuff and pick on people just for fun.</p><p class="john">if i had my hands on the guy i'd be making sure he kept his hands on me and me alone!!!</p><p class="john">i think if i were to date him he'd keep grabbing my waist and pinching my sides,</p><p class="john">and i'd shoo him away so i could cook or something but he'd come right back up and hug me!</p><p class="john">and give me a little kiss!!!</p><p class="john">he'd always be all over me and mess around with my hair and stuff!</p><p class="john">awww... that sounds like fun!</p><p class="honey">i don't know... i think it would get annoying after a while.</p><p class="john">nah!</p><p class="john">i'd love attention!</p><p class="john">i'd eat it up!</p><p class="john">and i really like um... male attention right now...</p><p class="john">i mean i'm in the kitchen right now about to show off my cooking and my nice smile and try to like make all of you guys look at me.</p><p class="honey">uh... you mean all of your roommates?</p><p class="john">BOOO!</p><p class="john">fine!</p><p class="john">we can ACT like you're not one of my roomies.</p><p class="john">that's fine.</p><p class="john">but you don't have to bring it up all the time!</p><p class="honey">sorry, john.</p><p class="honey">but i swear, if i forgot to message you "i'm not included in the pile when you talk about your roomies." you're gonna take that as a sign that i'm one of them.</p><p class="john">i take you being in love with me as a sign that you're one of my three number one guys.</p><p class="honey">how so?</p><p class="john">well!</p><p class="john">i cook and i take care of you three!</p><p class="john">i love babying you guys, and you three all love to be babied!</p><p class="honey">you baby everyone on chat too.</p><p class="john">not true!</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="john">okay fine!</p><p class="john">maybe i do butt into your arguments a lot and make everyone kiss and make up!</p><p class="john">but someone has to stand up to the bullies in our chat!</p><p class="john">cept maybe dirk...</p><p class="john">only dave can tell that guy what to do, and he still doesn't listen!</p><p class="honey">he's an asshole like that.</p><p class="honey">but at least you try to calm him down.</p><p class="john">yeah...</p><p class="john">roxy tries too, but dirk never budgies for nudding.</p><p class="john">i remember when we were kids, dirk used to always be so tough and rough around the edges.</p><p class="john">but he's even got a soft spot for me and at least lets me hug him... cause i'd always bake him birthday cakes when we were in high school, and... hm...</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">hmmmm....</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">so you SAY you're not one of my roommates...</p><p class="john">and you keep bringing it up so i think that you're one of my roommates.</p><p class="john">seems like something sneaky...</p><p class="honey">oh fuck no.</p><p class="john">something sneaky that only a certain someone would do...</p><p class="honey">don't even imply that i sound like dirk.</p><p class="john">you don't.</p><p class="john">not one bit.</p><p class="john">but if dirk had the hots for me, there's no way that he'd break out the thesaurus and bombard me with five star words on an anon account.</p><p class="john">he'd wanna keep it cool. keep it casual.</p><p class="john">and when i talked to dirk about if i was gay or not, he kept his lips shut about if one of my roomies was hot for me.</p><p class="john">dirk wouldn't keep a secret, not for anyone!</p><p class="honey">if i was dirk, i'd have the balls to be straight up with you about liking you.</p><p class="john">right.</p><p class="john">that's true...</p><p class="john">but also, i'm not the kinda guy that dirk usually goes for.</p><p class="honey">so?</p><p class="honey">and dirk might have enough respect for me to keep a secret... but barely enough.</p><p class="john">oh!</p><p class="john">so dirk respects you!?</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="John">then you are dirk! You only care about yourself!!!</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="honey">god.</p><p class="john">:p</p><p class="john">heeeey!</p><p class="john">now that i think of it...</p><p class="john">dirks never asked me for sexy pictures before!</p><p class="john">not even once!</p><p class="john">and he's asked karkat!!!</p><p class="john">so... maybe that means that dirk respects me too much to ask, maybe you really are dirk and you wuv me???</p><p class="honey">or maybe you're literally cousin's with his boyfriend.</p><p class="john">implying...?</p><p class="honey">implying that would be pretty fucked up, even by dirk's standards.</p><p class="john">i didn't think dirk had standards when it came to men.</p><p class="honey">fine.</p><p class="honey">how about this</p><p class="honey">i'm not dirk</p><p class="honey">and if dirk gave me away</p><p class="honey">roxy and dave would literally kill him.</p><p class="john">oh!</p><p class="john">fair!</p><p class="john">so you are one of my roomies then!</p><p class="john">awwww and dave is protecting you too!</p><p class="john">i'm gonna give him such a big kiss for being such a good friend.</p><p class="john">and for just being so fucking sexy.</p><p class="honey">uh....</p><p class="john">oh come on.</p><p class="john">don't act like you wouldn't want to gaze into his eyes for hours.</p><p class="john">unless....</p><p class="john">you're his TWIN!</p><p class="honey">maybe i typed in "uhh..." cause you talked more about dave being hot than asked me questions?</p><p class="john">oh! right!</p><p class="honey">and i thought you said you weren't going to try to guess who i am.</p><p class="john">i also said i was going to be honest about how i felt!</p><p class="john">and i feel like you sound like either dave or dirk rn.</p><p class="honey">john.</p><p class="john">fine!</p><p class="john">i'll keep who you sound like to me to myself then.</p><p class="john">jerk.</p><p class="john">okay!</p><p class="john">so answer me this one question and then i'll get to cooking!</p><p class="john">what would our first date be like?</p><p class="john">blink blink blink blink. "swooon."</p><p class="john">that's me blinking my eyelashes at you, and swooning too, if you didn't get it.</p><p class="honey">i got it</p><p class="honey">i just need to like think for a moment...</p><p class="john">i would have thought that you planned this out already in your head.</p><p class="honey">i did.</p><p class="honey">i'm just going through all the options for the one i think you'd find the funniest.</p><p class="john">aw!</p><p class="john">take your time!</p><p class="john">maybe i can think of one in the meantime...</p><p class="john">oh! i wanna sing karaoke in that korean BBQ place that roxy likes!</p><p class="honey">that's my idea for our third date.</p><p class="john">oh?</p><p class="john">tell me the second!</p><p class="honey">either we watch ghostbusters together eating pizza after i attempt to make us dinner and inevitably burn it.</p><p class="john">aw!</p><p class="john">or?</p><p class="honey">or we go and play mini golf in that place in citywalk.</p><p class="john">YES! I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT!!!</p><p class="john">oh! and we can walk around downtown disney too sometime!</p><p class="honey">yeah i was thinking about renting out that balloon for you for our tenth date.</p><p class="john">aw! that's so romantic!</p><p class="john">i mean, that's the kinda place people propose!!!</p><p class="honey">ikr</p><p class="john">haha!</p><p class="john">you know something, you're really cute.</p><p class="honey">oh. i'm cute?</p><p class="honey">so, you're coming around to believing i'm not dirk.</p><p class="john">HAHAHHAAH!</p><p class="john">OH MY GOD!</p><p class="john">you're super duper trooper funny too!</p><p class="john">but, honeybuns!</p><p class="john">the suspense is killing me! i wanna know your number one answer!</p><p class="honey">uhh... idk...</p><p class="john">just start listing off first date places and i'll rank them or something!</p><p class="honey">okay, so uh...</p><p class="honey">how about going to a small comedy show in a bar?</p><p class="john">10!</p><p class="honey">so that's a winner</p><p class="john">uh! duh!</p><p class="john">just so long as the person on stage isn't doing one of those "self-deprecating" bits, i hate those!</p><p class="honey">same</p><p class="john">it's so lame &gt;:P</p><p class="john">but like! do another!</p><p class="honey">didn't you want to cook breakfast or something?</p><p class="john">come on! just do a few more!</p><p class="john">for me?</p><p class="john">do it for the love of your life.</p><p class="honey">you're going to start using that line against me for the rest of my life now aren't you?</p><p class="john">YES! I SO AM!</p><p class="john">go on!</p><p class="honey">do you wanna go on a picnic near that one lake downtown with all the swans?</p><p class="john">don't they all have swans?</p><p class="honey">you know that big ass lake with the fountain in the middle?</p><p class="john">OH!</p><p class="john">YEAH!</p><p class="john">10!</p><p class="honey">wanna drive to the beach?</p><p class="john">10!</p><p class="honey">sit down and do a puzzle???</p><p class="john">10! let's so do that!</p><p class="honey">are you just going to rate them all 10s?</p><p class="john">any dates a 10 out of 10 so long as it's with someone as sweet as you.</p><hr/><p>Just as soon as you sent that, you hear footsteps. Sollux is walking up stairs with his phone in hand. "Oh? Come up here to tell me to my face to stop messaging you and get to cooking?"</p><p>"it's more like I came up here to take a piss and tell you the AC is fucked."</p><p>"oh." You narrow your eyes at Sollux and mutter, "that doesn't sound romantic."</p><p>Sollux sighs and starts again, "baby, angel. It's too hot in my room."</p><p>"Then you go peepee and then lay on the couch while I cook. I'll grab you some icy water!!!"</p><p>"Cool." Sollux yawns as he strolls into the bathroom.</p><p>You smile and sigh. You think you gave him enough time to get settled. You can message him again.</p><hr/><p class="john">huh? you haven't said anything in a while...</p><p class="john">honey, are you okay?</p><p class="honey">i think i need to go.</p><p class="john">did i just break your brain or do you need both hands to take a piss?</p><p class="honey">what?</p><p class="john">nothing.</p><p class="john">i said i wasn't going to guess at who you are anymore.</p><p class="john">and a man keeps his word...</p><p class="john">at least for today.</p><p class="honey">you really should stop doing that.</p><p class="honey">how else are we going to get to know each other on like a emotional level?</p><p class="honey">that's not gonna happen when you keep trying to find me out.</p><p class="john">you're right!</p><p class="john">you're right.</p><p class="honey">thank you.</p><p class="john">now i'm going to cook and leave you alone.</p><p class="john">in the meantime! think of more date ideas!</p><p class="john">and next time go into detail with them!</p><p class="john">i want to be dazzled!</p><p class="honey">no prob.</p><p class="honey">bye.</p><p class="john">see yeah, my little love muffin!!!</p><p class="john">;p</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. strange and new</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re laying flat on your back. You shift in bed as you scratch the top of your snow-colored head. You didn't sleep at all, so you decided to message John about an hour ago, maybe two hours ago actually. You don't know, you've been staring at the ceiling the whole time since.</p><p>John's been acting different. Different in a way that your mind and heart can't handle. He only now just realized that he likes men. John just won't stop talking about how he thinks <em>you </em>-not the guy that's been messaging him anonymously but <em>you</em>- are yummy. John talked about you a lot just now, he was going ham on how much he likes you as a best friend but also how he will probably always have at least a tiny crush on you. </p><p>You don't know if you're going to be able to even look at John again after that. You can't even bring yourself to look at the photo he just sent you again, not after he even admitted that he looks kissable. That and... John started talking about sex shit like it was a fun, casual topic. You gotta admit though, you usually find yourself blabbing about how you want to get fucking bench pressed by your neighbor when you’re alone with Karkat and Sollux. That, and when John was around, you openly talked at the table about how you thought Sollux would be in bed... only, you didn't expect that john was gonna be a bit turned on by the idea of Sollux being a selfish lover. Which is something you probably wouldn’t bring yourself to do in bed. And John seemed to find Karkat’s stubble sexy. Too bad you can't even see your stubble when your beard starts to grow, and you're not even sure you can grow a beard. If you could, it would probably make you look old as balls. Hm, well. John likes your look anyway, you don't think you should go changing it.</p><p>Your eyes are completely out of focus. All you can see is a white blur hovering about you. "Ha." A dry laugh escapes your lips.</p><p>John literally talked at length about you and how he wanted to gawk at a picture of you shirtless. That made you feel a little less lame for getting stunned when he sent you a picture of himself smiling in the kitchen. And that you got stunned when he said he liked male attention and he was right about to start cooking to get some more of it. And also that John called you those nicknames. He called you his little love muffin... You hold your phone close to your bare chest and sigh.</p><p>You're still gazing up at the ceiling. You're tired out of your mind and your chest is so tight. You've never felt so torn up over John in your entire life. You never once thought you had a real chance with him. You always thought you were gonna be the best man at his wedding and hand him off to some chick that can actually keep up with how amazing he is.<em> 'Fuck.'</em> You're hopeless. There's no way you're ever going to get on his level, this is worse than thinking he's straight. You know you can never be the man he deserves. </p><p>You sigh and cover your eyes with the back of your forearm. You take a few deep breaths and try to calm yourself. John's really fucking up your head right now. </p><p>You hear a light knocking at your door. <em>'Great.'</em></p><p>You lower your arm off of your face. You have to stuff down all your suffering for this. You muster up the strength to form your face into a stoic pout. You shuffle a bit under your sheets and stand up. When you open your door you're not even surprised to see John, you know his knock.</p><p>John spends a fragment of a second staring into your eyes and then he looks right down at your abs. Shit, you forgot that you were shirtless. At least you wore pants to bed this time. </p><p>John just keeps staring right at your hairless chest. His eyes glance across your pecs and then slowly trace back down to your abs again. </p><p>"Hey." You try to grab his attention. "What's up?"</p><p>"Breakfast." John just blankly says the word as he keeps staring at your gut.</p><p>"Uh..." Your eyes stay on John's, while John's eyes are focused on the muscles over your stomach. He's focused on either your abs or your tiny snow colored happy trail peeking out from your lose hanging pajama bottoms. You ask John, "you need help or...?"</p><p>"Break-breakfast soon." John nods. His eyes are wide as he slowly opens his mouth.</p><p>You feel like slamming the door. You wanna run or scream or panic or whatever, but you can't. You can't even move. John's just staring at <strong>you </strong>like you're a piece of meat, there's even a bit of drool hanging out of the side of his mouth. You didn't even notice you were stammering until John said, "sorry, I just got used to the idea of liking men." John shakes his head. It looks like he's back in the real world with you. "Man, what am I gonna do now? I'm never gonna get anything done cause I'm just gonna keep gawking at you! And did you always have that?" John's pointing at your happy trail now.</p><p>"Uh... I stopped waxing there like a year ago." You explain.</p><p>"Well it's fucking hot." John admits. "Maybe you should shave it, it's too distracting!”</p><p>"I'll take that into consideration... but I could like... just put on a shirt?" You lightly shrug at your own suggestion.</p><p>John shakes his head and breathes in through his nose as he stares back at your abs with somber eyes. "You make shirts seem like a war crime."</p><p>"I... okay?" You don't know what to say.</p><p>John looks like he's either in pain or at peace as he's looking at your pecs.</p><p>You take a moment before you ask again, "are you alright?"</p><p>"I'm in a new kind of pain." John tries to explain.</p><p>"Uh..." You don't know what to do or say. </p><p>"Like... it feels so strange to be this into my own best bud. Like I really shouldn't be, but here we are." John shrugs and then looks back into your eyes. "And you're not wearing shades too, you monster.”</p><p>You chuckle, you always knew John loved your eyes. John awkwardly chuckles with you as he smiles. He's still hovering in front of your doorframe but now he's kicking his foot into the ground. </p><p>John looks away from you for a moment. He sighs, "I'm sorry if this isn't fair to you, I just want to tell you how I feel before it comes in the way of our friendship... but I'm starting to really like you... like a bit too much. I was like cooking downstairs and the whole time, I kept thinking about how often I've been chatting it up about you and I haven’t been talking much about my other crushes. Maybe if I talk about how cute my other boys are, it'll take the edge off of you, sweetie."</p><p>"I uh... I don't know, man." You scratch the back of your neck, "I really love that you are confident enough in our relationship to tell me how you feel but uh... it's still gonna take some getting used to, no amount of talking about Sollux's cock or cocks is gonna really help alleviate the awkwardness about you being into <em>me.”</em></p><p>"HA!" John caws out a laugh in the middle of the hall. "Well! Talking about it is makes it easier for me!" John wipes a tear out of his eye.</p><p>"I'm happy to hear that." You give John a soft smile. John smiles back, and then his eyes fall back onto your pecs again. You grab onto the doorknob and slowly start to pull the door closed. "I'm gonna take a shower."</p><p>"Whoa." John nods with wide eyes as he stares at your abs again. "There's a lot of mental images I'm getting here."</p><p>You stop dead in your tracks. You stop pulling the door closed and stammer, "a-and?" You're trying your best not to give away how emotional this is making you.</p><p>"And I don't know how to handle them..." As John speaks you imagine yourself rubbing body wash over your biceps and then letting the soap trickle down your abs. He must have thought the same thing. John covers his mouth with his finger tips. He's drooling again.</p><p>"Uh... John?" You try to get his attention back.</p><p>John's eyes are glistening as he traces the outlines of each of your muscles with his gaze. You can just feel his eyes scan your outline in the way he wishes that his hands were tracing your body. John reaches into his back pocket. He pulls out his phone and holds it up as he asks you, "can I take a photo? As like uhhh... memento?”</p><p>. . .</p><p>"The fuck am I gonna do?" Your elbow is resting on the table. You're out on the balcony with Sollux and Karkat, surrounded by plates of hot food. John set everything down and then decided to run off to the bathroom for a moment. Apparently he forgot to do something important. In the meantime, Sollux has been laughing it up at your pain, that or he's laughing hard about how you said you jacked off twice since John woke you up. Karkat is at least pretending to be empathetic about your struggles. </p><p>Vantas recounts the torment you've just gotten into, "SO, JOHN TOOK A PHOTO OF YOU SHIRTLESS, AND YOU'RE FUCKED UP ABOUT IT?"  </p><p>"Yes." You hold your chin with both your hands now and sigh.</p><p>"Why?" Sollux laughs and he starts picking at the blanket resting over the biscuits John made for you all. You shoot him a warning look not to touch it. He knows you're not gonna let him eat jackshit so long as John's not at the table with you three. Sollux backs off, he keeps chuckling as he tells you, "honestly, didn't you used to have like wet dreams about this sort of thing?"</p><p>"It's just like... I don't know..." You can't find the words to explain how you feel. “I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure or whatever...”</p><p>Vantas sighs and asks, "WHAT? DO YOU NOT FEEL <em>MAN </em>ENOUGH FOR JOHN OR SOMETHING?"</p><p>"Yeah." You nod. "I guess I'm not like... ready to be the guy John needs."</p><p>"But you can be the man he deserves." Sollux jests. He’s joking about Batman again.</p><p>"Don't bring up any of my other crushes, I don’t think my heart can't handle that right now." You lift up one of your hands and sigh. Sollux laughs like you <em>were</em> telling a joke, you weren't.</p><p>You aren't even surprised that your phone just dinged. Everyone's phone at the table just went off. You guess someone just messaged everyone in your group chat. All three of you pick up your phones. You welcome the distraction. Well, for a moment you did, now that you see that familiar blue text, you feel like screaming.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">Ecto: okay!</p><p class="john">Ecto: uh...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i kinda have something to...</p><p class="john">Ecto: to um...</p><p class="john">Ecto: confess?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; whoa!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; @<span class="u">everyone</span></p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; listen up!!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; john is talking!!!</p>
<hr/><p>You can see a few people enter in the chat. Switching from offline or ideal to straight up online.<br/>
<em>'Oh Jesus Lord.'</em> If you believe in God you'd be praying right now that no one says shit about you being the one behind the messages.</p>
<hr/><p class="rose">Rose: What’s this about, John?</p><p class="john">Ecto: um...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i have something i need to get off my chest...</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: oooooooOOOOooooooo!?!?!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: go on! go on!</p><p class="john">Ecto: ha...</p><p class="john">Ecto: okay...</p><p class="john">Ecto: so um...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i've been thinking lately...</p><p class="john">Ecto: and</p><p class="john">Ecto: i guess i've come to this conclusion...</p><p class="john">Ecto: and first things first,</p><p class="john">Ecto: i wanna be more open about my feelings.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and after thinking for a long while...</p><p class="john">Ecto: uh.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i think...</p><p class="john">Ecto: and uh... don't get mad at me for not saying anything ever cause i just realized this like this week...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i think that i'm umm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: only interested in men...?</p>
<hr/><p>You feel your heart sink into your gut. No one's messaging anything yet, but everyone is typing. You can feel the Earth shake. You can hear Sollux across from you trying to hold in a laugh. Sure, he finds this all funny. You on the other hand are just waiting for the stress to kill you. Everyone knows John's gay now, and everyone is going to push you hard to confess you're the man behind the messages John's been so giggly about.</p>
<hr/><p class="roxy">Roxy: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHASP!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; THERE CAN BE MIRACLES IF YOU BELIEVE!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: OH MY FUCKING GOD!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING M8!?!?!?!?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: :O</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA!!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: SERVES YOU RIGHT, BITCH!</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: KN3W 1T</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Pyrope!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Now is not the FUCKING time for that shit!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Leave your l33t speak at the door!!!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: OR I'LL SLIT YOUR F8CKING THROAT!!!!!!!!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Calm Down.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You're making a fool of yourself.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YEAH.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HE WAS NEVER GONNA FUCK YOU.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: :OOOOOOOOOOOOOO</p><p class="rose">Rose: My goodness.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: wwell</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: john</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: if youre open now</p><p class="Sollux">Sollux: calm down, hes not going to fuck your either.</p><p class="John">Ecto: SOLLUX!!! don’t be mean!</p><p class="John">Ecto: uh... sorry, but i think i still need some more um...</p><p class="John">Ecto: time??? i guess, at least before i'm really open to anything.</p><p class="John">Ecto: i just wanted to admit that</p><p class="John">Ecto: uh...</p><p class="John">Ecto: that's how i feel about myself!</p><p class="Tavros">Tavros: and theres no shame in that,</p><p class="Tavros">Tavros: just dont let anyone make you feel like you gotta do anything,</p><p class="Tavros">Tavros: now that you uh,,,</p><p class="Tavros">Tavros: realized you like guys,</p><p class="John">Ecto: huh?</p><p class="John">Ecto: why would anyone pressure me to doing anything???</p><p class="Karkat">Karkat: DID YOU HONESTLY FORGET THE PAST FEW DAYS?</p><p class="Sollux">Sollux: yeah. think about the messages, man.</p><p class="John">Ecto: ohhhh!</p><p class="John">Ecto: tav, you mean like...</p><p class="John">Ecto: i shouldn't feel pressured to date the guy who's messaging me anonymously?</p><p class="rose">Rose: Of course you shouldn't.</p><p class="rose">Rose: John, you do what you feel is best.</p><p class="jade">Jade: HUH???</p><p class="jade">Jade: what are we talking about??</p><p class="jade">Jade: did something happen to john?!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: uh...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'll say this for the people in the back...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i guess i'm gay</p><p class="jade">Jade: AH</p><p class="jade">Jade: AHHHH!!!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: lol</p><p class="jade">Jade: WHY AM I ALWAYS LATE TO THESE THINGS?!</p><p class="John">Ecto: you have LITERAL rocket science to do, jade!</p><p class="jade">Jade: NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THIS!</p><p class="jade">Jade: HOLY SHIT!</p><p class="jade">Jade: YOU TWO CAN GET MARRIED NOW AND EVERYTHING!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yes! oh my god!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: MAID OF HONOR</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: CALLED IT!</p><p class="jade">Jade: FUCK</p><p class="John">Ecto: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!</p><p class="John">Ecto: back it up!</p><p class="John">Ecto: back it waaaaay way way up!</p><p class="jade">Jade: oh sorry!!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: i just got excited</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yeah!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; it's been so many years of</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; "duhh guyssss"</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; "john is such a cutie!"</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: aww</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: :D</p><p class="jade">Jade: heheheheh!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: okay but we ALL say that</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: its moar lake</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: we all meet up in person and when john walks away we just hear</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: "omgod guys"</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: "i hate seeing him go... but i love watching him walk awaeee"</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HE DOES NOT TALK LIKE THAT.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: OH! he so does!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHEN HAS HE EVER SAID ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: he said that when he was drunk at like johns last bday party.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: maybe you don't remember because you were also inebriated...</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: yeah you were TRASHED</p><p class="john">Ecto: aww... trashedkat.</p><p class="jade">Jade: more like trashkat</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; TRASHKAT<span class="x1F44F">TRASHKAT<span class="x1F44F">TRASHKAT</span></span></p><p class="karkat">Karkat: EGBERT, DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT?</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: settles it</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: youre trashkat now</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: FUCKING.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: LET'S JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT.</p><p class="jade">Jade: sure trashkat</p><p class="rose">Rose: Yes. Instead, let us go back to talking about a certain someone being inebriated and blabbing on an on about John's backside.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: NOT BETTER, LALONDE.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hold up.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: to be fair, guys.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we're all like that.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i mean, have you seen that ass wobble?</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: oh! shut up sollux!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: this is not the time</p><p class="jake">Jake: Hello everyone! I just read through the messages here and well i've got to say...</p><p class="jake">Jake: I'm quite proud!</p><p class="jake">Jake: Top notch! John, really!</p><p class="jake">Jake: I'm so glad you feel comfortable enough with all of us to tell us all how you feel!</p><p class="jake">Jake: We should all go out for drinks!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: no!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: nononono!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: two of us shouldn't go anywhere near a bar when UNDISCLOSED is still UNDISCLOSEDED</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: a secret is a secret is a sexcret!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: you and me better keep away from the bottle when we're around the boy!</p><p class="jane">Jane: "you and I"</p><p class="jane">Jane: Roxy.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: grammer?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i dont even know her</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: also</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: youve been ominously silent</p><p class="jane">Jane: I don't believe that John requires my insight about sexuality nor does John require my praise for his honesty.</p><p class="jane">Jane: I don't see any real change to his character here, he's the same John as before.</p><p class="nepeta">:33 &lt; hmmm that is true</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: but like</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: this is a big FUCKING moment for me so don't down play this shit janey!</p><p class="jane">Jane: Oh no, don't mistake my words for me not feeling any excitement.</p><p class="jane">Jane: I feel excitement, we might find ourselves to be free from [Undisclosed]'s constant whining due to his pining over Egbert.</p><p class="jane">Jane: Not only that, I'm a moment away from screaming [Undisclosed] name from all the years of nonstop bitching.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Fuck. I'll do it.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: you wanna get banned?</p><p class="jade">Jade: wanna get slapped?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; you wanna get sniped?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; we can take this to the streets</p><p class="John">Ecto: yeah, guys...</p><p class="John">Ecto: please don’t tell me about my mystery crush.</p><p class="John">Ecto: (and please don't fight rn )</p><p class="John">Ecto: But the uh...</p><p class="John">Ecto: talking about my other crushes is a different story.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt;</p><p>
  
</p><p class="John">Ecto: yeah lol, so uh... let me preface everything with this</p><p class="John">Ecto: it’s been kinda strange realizing that i like dudes.</p><p class="John">Ecto: puts the whole world in a different perspective.</p><p class="John">Ecto: like i knocked on Dave’s door this morning and saw him all shirtless</p><p class="John">Ecto: i think i still have drool on my shirt!</p><p class="John">Ecto: haha!</p><p class="John">Ecto: i was hovering in his doorway like I was under a spell or a trance or something!!! And drooling like I was a dog and dave’s was abs were like treats!!!</p><p class="John">Ecto: then he told me he was gonna take a shower and i was like !!!!!</p><p class="John">Ecto: he was so sweet! He let me take a picture and everything!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: whoa</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: today just keeps getting better and better</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: you took a photo of your best friends abs?</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: how are you already on dirks level of crazy?</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: RIGHT?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: He’s not quite there yet.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: But I wouldn’t mind taking you under my wing, Egbert.</p><p class="John">Ecto: Heheheh! i only took a pic as like a memento!</p><p class="John">Ecto: it's just so i can remember the first time i checked out dave!</p><p class="tav">Tavros: uhhhh,,,,</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: my thoughts exactly tav</p><p class="John">Ecto: oh!</p><p class="John">Ecto: boooooo.</p><p class="John">Ecto: Roxy talks about how yummy boys are all the time!</p><p class="John">Ecto: i wanna come out and try talking more about my feelings!!!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: JOHN. TALKING ABOUT DROOLING OVER DAVE’S ABS IS NOT THE SAME AS COMING OUT AND TALKING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Says the man who's never came out before.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh i can get him to cum out, up, down, sideways, whatever.... if he'd just let me.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: IGNORE HIM.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: SNORT</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: well</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: going back to what ecto was takling aboot</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: first step to noticing you like cute boyz is drooling over em!!!</p><p class="jake">Jake: That's been my experience.</p><p class="jake">Jake: And Dave *is* quite the looker.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; oooooooh! you noticed!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: bro literally looks like a fucking model.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: maybe an angel</p><p class="john">Ecto: awwww!!!!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: or an extraterstial</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: something otherworldly like that</p><p class="john">Ecto: what?</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i just mean that he has such an astonishing aura about him</p><p class="john">Ecto: i... guess i can see that</p><p class="rose">Rose: I think she means he's lovely.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: and stunning</p><p class="john">Ecto: HE IS!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: hes got that model pout down!!!!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: hes got big muscles on him too!</p><p class="john">Ecto: my heart can only take so much more of this!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: his voice is like honey</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; sexy, sexy jaw line</p><p class="jake">Jake: And lovely eyes!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Cool it.</p><p class="jake">Jake: We are not dating right now.</p><p class="jake">Jake: And just like any man, i can entertain certain thoughts from time to time.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Like. What.</p>
<hr/><p>"Oh shit." You mutter out loud. Jake just set him off. This is gonna get ugly real quick unless-</p>
<hr/><p class="roxy">Roxy: ohhhh kay!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: no starting anything rn</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: Dirk! this is a big moment for you and for me!</p>
<hr/><p>"Shit!" You shuffle in your seat and nearly smack your phone into the table.</p>
<hr/><p class="dirk">Dirk: Why is this a big moment for me?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: CUZ! we gonna be able to bond over boys being cute with john now!</p><p class="john">Ecto: yaaaaay</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Count me out.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: why</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: because were not talking about john?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: YOU are walking a thin line right now, Megido.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: yayyy!!! lets talk about boys</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: and not fight</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yay</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; ill go first!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; so karkat, right?</p><p class="john">Ecto: yes?</p>
<hr/><p>"JESUS." You look up and find Karkat wiping his entire face with his hand. He's pinching the bridge right between his eyebrows together with his finger and his thumb.</p>
<hr/><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; fucking cute ass pout</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; those with taste would say its kissable</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Guess I have no taste then.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: damn right you don't.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I know. What a shame.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I guess I'll have to go wallow in self pity for missing out on desering karkat.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: SUCH A SIN that I don't w8nt karkat's pungent and hid8ous fucking body odor anywhere near me.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: more for me.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: SHUT IT, CAPTOR.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I don't see how you can even joke about something like that, Captor.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I can't picture Karkat as anything other than a pint-sized kid covering his stench with axe body spray.</p><p class="john">Ecto: poor you.</p><p class="john">Ecto: maybe someday you'll see the light.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Doubt that.</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh come on!</p><p class="john">Ecto: hear me out.</p><p class="john">Ecto: karkat is straight up cute!!!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Is he now?</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and it's such a shame you can't see what we mean.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: right!?!</p>
<hr/><p>"SHUT UP." Karkat nudges Sollux with his elbow. Captors laughing and smiling with his eyes still focused on his screen.</p>
<hr/><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; lol, fur real</p><p class="john">Ecto: he's such a sweet guy with a heart of pure solid untainted gold!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: when he lets me get close to him, i get all mushy inside!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i mean, it's such a privilege to be able to cuddle him.</p><p class="john">Ecto: when he lets me that is.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; AWWWW! YOU'RE SO LUCKY!!!!</p><p class="jane">Jane: John?</p><p class="jane">Jane: Are you really, actually...</p><p class="jane">Jane: Into Vantas?</p><p class="john">Ecto: YES!</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAVE YOU SEEN THE FACE HE MAKES WHEN HE GETS MAD?</p><p class="jane">Jane: Yes?</p><p class="jade">Jade: YES!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yessssss!!! &lt;33</p><p class="john">Ecto: have any of you seen the face karkat makes when i make him get all snuggly and comfy on the couch!??!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and he gets all angry cause he's trying hard not to let himself get all cuddly!?</p><p class="john">Ecto: but he loves snuggling so he tries really hard not to smile!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; AH!</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's like the same mood as a kitten getting frustrated cause he doesn't wanna fall asleep and miss any fun!</p><p class="john">Ecto: 10 OUT OF 10 ON THE CUTE SCALE!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; ahhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; OHMYGOD</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; wehavesomuchtotalkabout</p><p class="john">Ecto: like how cute and yummy he looks when he gets stubble???</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Austonding.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You'll have to send pics.</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh! i better take some!</p><p class="john">Ecto: karkat! don't shave for a while okay!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHY WOULD I AGREE TO THAT?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ill hold him to it.</p><p class="john">Ecto: thanks, sweetpea!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you're always so good to me.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ohhhh</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: have you got the blueberry yumyums for sollux too?</p><p class="john">Ecto: hehehehehe</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: no</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: NO FUCK1NG W4Y</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: god works in mysterious ways i guess.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: NOOOOO WHOOOA!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: NO WAYYY!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he's got good taste, you know that.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: that and he's on a roll, nothing can stop this katamari from rolling.</p><p class="john">Ecto: tehehehe! </p><p class="john">Ecto: katamari!?</p><p class="john">Ecto: sollux, you're always so silly!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: JOHN!?!?!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: you can't like crush hard on THREE boys!?!?!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i can and i will.</p><p class="john">Ecto: you can't stop me.</p><p class="jane">Jane: Neither can common sense apparently.</p><p class="jane">Jane: What do you see in Captor???</p><p class="john">Ecto: EVERYTHING!</p><p class="john">Ecto: he's so sweet.</p><p class="john">Ecto: in like his own strange way.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and he jokes a lot about stuff in a way that makes me feel all tingly.</p><p class="rose">Rose: I believe that's called puberty.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: he might have given you a rash.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i wouldn't be surprised.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Must have gotten it from you, from my recollection you were the last woman Sollux was with.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; ill give you a black eye if you keep it up.</p><p class="john">Ecto: whoa whoa whoa!</p><p class="john">Ecto: no being mean!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Can't see Natalie here having the gull to make a honest treat against me.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: She's clearly joking.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; only if you are, strider</p><p class="nepeta">
  
</p><p class="john">Ecto: whoa hohohoho okay! okay!</p><p class="john">Ecto: come on, let's not fight!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; thats up to this cocksucking ballgaging hoe right heawr </p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Damn.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: If that wasn't so true, I'd consider it an insult.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; jeeeeeez!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; why is it so hard FUR ME to start shit with you!?!?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You should be grateful for that.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; what!? grateful that basically every insult in the book is like an accurate way to describe you!?!?!?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: What's got YOU so pissy?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; huh? me?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Yeah? Do you got a fucking death wish or something??? Who lit a fire under your ass?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; whaaaa...</p><p class="john">Ecto: I think she's asking what you seem so upset about.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; Ohhh...</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; I'm just kinda mad with dirk THE JERK right now</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; he made me kill my snookems!</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh no... i heard about that!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I did not force her to kill anyone.</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh hush!</p><p class="john">Ecto: dirk, we all know how forceful you are when it comes to getting something you want!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I offered her money for a job and she took it.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Now she's attempting to start a fight with me and have you all side against me so she can feel better about the predicament she placed herself in.</p><p class="john">Ecto: Dirk.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: It's tactless, but I saw it coming.</p><p class="john">Ecto: give nepeta a chance to speak.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; ye ye!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; he vvvvv scary when he in character</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i was like</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; HOOO!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; so i just took the money and tried to be all happy and cute about it on my stream</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; but now i feel sooooo baaad!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i miss playing pretend with my trashkat!!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and i miss hearing him scream at two a.m.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: lol i love how everything you say sounds sexual</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh damn.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i didn't even mean to this time.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; lol</p><p class="john">Ecto: hehehe! see! you're so silly, sollux!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i totally get why all the ladies are all over you!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: are we?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ha.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ehhh...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: all the chicks here ever talk about is you, egbert.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and like... how weird it is that in the men's room we just whip out our dicks to piss on a wall right next to each other with like no privacy and like roxy just can't get over it for some reason.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i cant</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: its so fucked</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yeah, i guess it's kinda weird???</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but since both my cocks are so big, it just feels like showing off.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; god i wish i was in love with you</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: *WHEEEEZEEE*</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAHAHAA!</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: how is any of this charmin to any of you?</p><p class="john">Ecto: cause its a funny joke!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yeah...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: "joke"</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh wait.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hold the fuck on, i wanted to say something.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we were just talking about what the girls talk about all the time, right?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i was gonna say they also talk about dave.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like nonstop.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm listening...</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: we just talked about how cute he was just a second ago</p><p class="rose">Rose: I suppose that would make this "round two"</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm listening...</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAHAHA!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I don't know if it's a good idea to discuss that.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Jake can't seem to control himself when you talk about my brother.</p><p class="jake">Jake: I haven't said anything since you BARKED at me!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Seems we are better off reframing from talking about Dave.</p><p class="jake">Jake: I can't ever fucking win with you.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I'm more interested in discussing what all of you think about John, seeing that Roxy finds him particularly "tasty."</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: mmmhmmmhh good</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; IT’S BECAUSE HE'S SO NICE!!!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: Yeppers! John is like the highest form of sweet

</p>
<p class="aradia">Aradia: yes</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i was just about to say myself that hes very kind :)</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: fuck! don't get me started on john, okay?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: his thighs are literally like what angels sing hymns about.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: straight up heaven.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: OKAY. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO COOL IT NOW.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: No. Go on. I like this topic.</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: yes. inlighten us.</p><p class="tav">Tavros: or don't,,, you could also,,, not do that,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i would fucking sacrifice my right to ever nut again just for the right to see john down on both my cocks like they're fudge pops.</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAAAAAAAAA!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'd fucking dress up as a ghostbuster just to go full slimer on his face</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAHAHAHAA!</p><p class="john">Ecto: I'M ACTUALLY CRYING RN!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: What the fuck?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: how is this shit f8cking funny to you?!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you just don't understand egbert's sense of humor like I do.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Guess i fucking don't.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I mean what the fuck is funny about any of what the fuck you just said???</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: It's all disgusting.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i get that you cant see trashkats charm</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i suppose i cant myself</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: but why cant you see solluxs?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: I guess i have higher standards then you los8rs.</p><p class="jade">Jade: higher standards like crushing on john?????</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: UGH.</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: h3h</p><p class="john">Ecto: okay!</p><p class="john">Ecto: okay!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm done with my laughing fit.</p><p class="john">Ecto: what are we on now?</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: virskas favorite topic apparently</p><p class="john">Ecto: uh... roleplaying?</p><p class="rose">Rose: We're still talking about how cute you are.</p><p class="john">Ecto: awww</p><p class="john">Ecto: can you like list off things for me like how we just listed off stuff for how cute dave is?</p><p class="john">Ecto: please and thank you.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: ill start with the obvious</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: you can cook</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: youre funny as all hell</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: me?</p><p class="john">Ecto: she meant me, sweetie.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: oh</p><p class="rose">Rose: John is always so darling.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i am?</p><p class="rose">Rose: You just called Megido, "sweetie."</p><p class="jade">Jade: yeah!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: and john always sounds so sweet and so positive!!!</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: ecto has a good heart as wwell</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: actually gonna agree with you on something</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: for once</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: and the kind of wwaist you just want to grab onto</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: HEY! get your own bit!</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: wwhose sayin this is a bit captor?</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: uhhhhhh,,,,</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: LET'S JUST FOCUS ON JOHN'S HEART AND NOT HIS FUCKING BODY! OKAY?!</p><p class="john">Ecto: no no... go on...</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: John.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Are you one of those guys that like goes for every fucking guy?</p><p class="john">Ecto: NO!</p><p class="john">Ecto: just really, really sweet boys.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: like</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: karkat?</p><p class="john">Ecto: mmh hm!</p><p class="jane">Jane: Karkat. Sweet?</p><p class="jane">Jane: Are you serious?</p><p class="john">Ecto: he’s plenty sweet!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M NOT ALTOGETHER THAT "NICE" JOHN. YOU KNOW THAT.</p><p class="john">Ecto: you are!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you're just rough around the edges.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and a bit hard to get to know...</p><p class="john">Ecto: but you have such a soft heart.</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's like something i just wanna hold and take care of you know?</p><p class="john">Ecto: but that's not really a super exclusive thing right now...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i kinda wanna cuddle up my two other guys hearts.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hey, if it means i get sandwiched between kk and the boy with cum colored hair</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ill hand over that heart.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: oh</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: foursome</p><p class="john">Ecto: hmmm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: no.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm not ready for that level of fun just yet.</p><p class="jane">Jane: Implying that you would be eventually!?!?</p><p class="jade">Jade: ohhhh!!! jooooohn! get it!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; !!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: hahaha!</p><p class="john">Ecto: no no</p><p class="john">Ecto: i think im just like...</p><p class="john">Ecto: trying to figure myself out</p><p class="jade">Jade: honestly just like go for the ummm...</p><p class="jade">Jade: the boy thats been secretly messaging you???</p><p class="john">Ecto: being?</p><p class="jade">Jade: im not telling!!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: ARUGH!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you know how frustrating it is for everyone to know a secret and like to be out of the loop!</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: yes</p><p class="rose">Rose: John.</p><p class="rose">Rose: You should honestly give this thing some time to sit.</p><p class="jade">Jade: yeah</p><p class="jade">Jade: rose is right</p><p class="rose">Rose: Once you uncover the man behind the mask he's going to feel exposed. You should at least prepare him for that.</p><p class="john">Ecto: hm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah, i guess.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i would mind if you made me feel exposed</p><p class="john">Ecto: oooo</p><p class="john">Ecto: hmm....</p><p class="john">Ecto: really now?</p><p class="tav">Tav: uhhhhhhhhhh,,,,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it was just a joke, ecto.</p><p class="john">Ecto: there's a grain of truth in every joke ;B</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well. there you go.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: now i feel exposed.</p><p class="john">Ecto: gosh! tehehehe!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you're always so so so funny!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i always loved that about you</p><p class="john">Ecto: and your sideburns frame your face in a way thats hmm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: hmm...</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Should we leave you two alone for a minute?</p><p class="john">Ecto: no...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i might take a bite out of him if you do at this point.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: what was that about john not as crazy as you are dirk?</p><p class="john">Ecto: hmmm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: hey, aradia...</p><p class="john">Ecto: you'd get this...</p><p class="john">Ecto: sollux has like this look about him, right?</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: he has a few looks</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: and also glasses.</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh thanks for reminding me.</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm kinda into those specs of his...</p><p class="john">Ecto: side note for myself: make karkat wear glasses later</p><p class="john">Ecto: anyway...</p><p class="john">Ecto: sollux is like...</p><p class="john">Ecto: well, he's always hunched over and smirking about something.</p><p class="john">Ecto: but when he's standing tall.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and smiling.</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's like one of the best sights i've ever seen in my life.</p><p class="john">Ecto: when sollux seems happy, like honestly happy and content.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm just so blown away.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i've always been...</p><p class="john">Ecto: and i've always felt similar with dave too...</p><p class="john">Ecto: dave like...</p><p class="john">Ecto: okay i'm trying not to get started on dave too much cause i rant about him a lot</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; ohhhhh no gogogoogogo</p><p class="jade">Jade: oh im so down for some dave talk</p><p class="jade">Jade: you wanna talk about yum??? thats yum!</p><p class="john">Ecto: hahaha!</p><p class="john">Ecto: well...</p><p class="john">Ecto: dave's like my home away from home.</p><p class="john">Ecto: or my bed away from bed.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i sleep on him a lot like he's a straight up mattress.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i used to think of it as like a bro kinda thing</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hey. nothing gay about snuggling up to a homie.</p><p class="john">Ecto: hahahaha!</p><p class="john">Ecto: well...</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's kinda gay when you just wanna kiss your homie.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: then just do it and say no homo wtf</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it's that easy, bro.</p><p class="john">Ecto: hahahaa!</p><p class="john">Ecto: but it's hard to say no homo when your hands get all clammy!</p><p class="john">Ecto: cause that homie is looking down at you with his stunning perfect eyes.</p><p class="john">Ecto: he's just too cute!</p><p class="jade">Jade: bawwww!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah...</p><p class="john">Ecto: very baw...</p><p class="john">Ecto: but i just got a totally twisted feeling in my gut when i saw him in the morning...</p><p class="john">Ecto: all my limbs got all tingly and i felt my chest get all tight!</p><p class="john">Ecto: he knocked the wind out of me!</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's like having a shirtless beefcake show up right at your door!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: lol really?</p><p class="john">Ecto: and i just wanted to...</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh...</p><p class="john">Ecto: maybe i shouldn't say.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: feel up his abs?</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah...</p><p class="john">Ecto: but worse than that?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: kiss em all over??</p><p class="john">Ecto: ye, but... worse...</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: oh lickem</p><p class="john">Ecto: y es .</p><p class="john">Ecto: yes.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ive been there before</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's... you know...</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: finger licking good???</p><p class="john">Ecto: roxy gets me</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: so</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: you got like three crushes right noww?</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: or are you just really horny?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Both.</p>
<hr/><p>You don't even think. You just type,</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: DIRK</p><p class="john">Ecto: there you are cutie!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i thought i scared you off!</p>
<hr/><p>Guess it's your turn to say something. You better just bring this conversation back to what it's actually about.</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: john</p><p class="dave">Dave: im honestly really proud of you for stepping up and telling everyone how you feel about yourself</p><p class="dave">Dave: and im proud that youre trying to be as honest as possible</p><p class="john">Ecto: Yep!</p><p class="dave">Dave: and thats my take</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ohhh...</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: nothing else to say?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yeah! youre bestie just called you yummy!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: cause john grew a pair of eyes</p><p class="jade">Jade: thats why</p><p class="jade">Jade: ive been saying daves yummy for years</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: HA! i love that we all say yummy now</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING ON BEHALF OF ALL OF US RIGHT NOW, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.</p><p class="jade">Jade: well im speaking for EVERYONE HERE when i say that dave is super yummy and EVERYONE FREAKING KNOWS THAT!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: been saying it since day freaking one!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh dang... yeah, you have.</p><p class="jade">Jade: hey if youre horny for Karkat and Dave take em both</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: yeah</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: you can have sollux too</p><p class="john">Ecto: guys!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you just just pass boys onto me like they are pogs!</p><p class="rose">Rose: I don’t think any of them would mind.</p><p class="jade">Jade: yeah!</p><p class="jade">Jade: just cook and clean for them and youll be fine</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: yeah just f8ck em all.</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Who even cares at this point????</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; yeah!!!! Collect all three boys!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I CANT FUCKING STAND ANY OF YOU PEOPLE.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: you don’t gotta stand</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: my laps right here, baby.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M NOT GONNA KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS HORSESHIT!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: then you can leave.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: FINE.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: no, stay.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: trying to get that foursome you always wanted?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh baby, you know it.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AUGH!</p><p class="john">Ecto: ha!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: JOHN.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HE'S TRYING TO SUGGEST THAT YOU FUCK HIM TOO.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU KNOW THAT?!</p><p class="john">Ecto: he's just having his "strange" fun.</p><p class="john">Ecto: let him have it</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU LEGIT JUST ACTUALLY FLIRTED WITH HIM.</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh yeaah...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i did.</p><p class="john">Ecto: well, I don’t know about having any nookie or cookie yet.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: just the fact that you said "that" that way, means you deserve it now.</p><p class="john">Ecto: is that an invitation ;B</p><p class="jake">Jake: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....</p><p class="tav">Tavros: that’s uh,,, gonna be a “same” for me over here.</p><p class="dave">Dave: uh yeah same on that same</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: oh sush!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: johns just playing around, you know like Sol does </p><p class="john">Ecto: hmm...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i don’t know...</p><p class="john">Ecto: both the strider brothers are pretty cute...</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; but one twin is clearly the cwutest boy!</p><p class="jade">Jade: oh! Everyone vote for the hottest brother!</p>
<hr/><p>You guess the girls are trying to distract John ang get him back on track... the topic of the day being you apparently.</p>
<hr/><p class="jade">Jade: Dave!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: don't make this a contest!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave</p><p class="john">Ecto: this is so mean!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: Dirk! Dirk! Dirk!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: Dirk is the Q-TEST!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; dave!</p><p class="john">Ecto: stop it guys!</p><p class="tav">Tavros: dave</p><p class="john">Ecto: tavros!!! What the fuck!?!?!!?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Neither ew.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: DIRK</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: WHAOAHAHAHAHAHA HOLD UP </p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT?</p>
<hr/><p>Sollux is laughing out loud, when you look up at him you can see he's shaking his head and cracking up, "why would you say that?"</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: why?!?!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Vantas has shit taste I guess?</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: IT'S BECAUSE I LIVE WITH DAVE AND I WITNESSED HIM CHUGGING EXPIRED WHIP CREAM AND THEN VOMITING IN THE SINK A MINUTE LATER.</p><p class="john">Ecto: okay. No being mean.</p><p class="jade">Jade: hows that kk being mean?</p><p class="jade">Jade: thats part of daves charm!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: lol</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: nah, that's just gotta be like karkat’s tie breaker</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: IT WAS.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND HOW THE FUCK IS THAT SEXY TO YOU, JADE?</p><p class="jade">Jade: cause</p><p class="jade">Jade: hes super fucking hot</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; reeeeeeeal easy on the eyes.</p><p class="jade">Jade: right!!!?!?!?!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: BUT HE ACTS LIKE AN IDIOT!?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; YES!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; YOU GOT IT!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT EXACTLY WAS I SUPPOSED TO "GET" HERE?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; IT!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS "IT" THOUGH?!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: you just said the point they are attempting to make</p><p class="jade">Jade: okay okay okay!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: dave is super hot</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: but like a total slob!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; and since dave is super messy that makes him even cuter! Cuz it’s cute to have flaws yeah know!?</p><p class="dave">Dave: thanks guys</p><p class="john">Ecto: awwww yeah</p><p class="john">Ecto: that is pretty cute</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: And fucking hot apparently.</p><p class="john">Ecto: yep!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: have you seen his big big muscles?</p><p class="john">Ecto: supper snuggly </p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i believe you</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: trust me, aa</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: being in strider's arms would make you feel safe in a fox hole if you know what i'm saying</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ive snuggled with the other strider</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i feel like i have a pretty solid reference for how good that snuggle is</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i want to try it</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; you need to have us over!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: OH!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'll have to see what days i have off.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i really wanna make you all food.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and i do mean all of you!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i wanna make sure my secret admirer gets that chocolate cake he's been craving!</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: i dont remeber sayin anythin about a chocolate cake</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: shut up, ampora.</p><p class="john">Ecto: no being mean!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm only joshing around!</p><p class="john">Ecto: no being mean or next time i make cake, you don't get ANY!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: damn.</p><p class="john">Ecto: same goes for you DIRK!</p><p class="john">Ecto: when we meet up i might not let you have any desert.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: How will I go on?</p><p class="john">Ecto: i don't know why you're such a jerk!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: you were like... so helpful before</p><p class="jane">Jane: Really?</p><p class="jane">Jane: When?</p><p class="john">Ecto: when i called him up on the phone, and he helped me relize I have a massive crush on my three boys.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm suprised dirk didn't say anything, he told me he was gonna tell rox.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: YEAH!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: what the heck!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: WE HAD A DEAL STRIDUEL!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy:*STRIDER!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Must have slipped my mind.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I'll tell you all about it after I get my next work load done.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: what a LOAD!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: we need to liake talk about this over dindin, which you skimpped out on again.</p><p class="john">Ecto: you are ALL always welcome to have dinner at my house.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: provided you call first.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: so if you're eridan we can close all the blinds and pretend we're not home.</p><p class="john">Ecto: OH SUSH!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i so so so so so so so wanna meet up again!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i wanna see all of you!!!</p><p class="jake">Jake: Didn't i just suggest something like that a moment ago?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: YOU suggested drinks</p><p class="rose">Rose: I don't think that's for the best, not right now anyway.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; idk maybe some drinks can get mr. anon to strip off that mask and show us his cwute face.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: no spoilers!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i didn't give any</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: no discriptive words</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; anyone that john thinks is future mr. egbert is cute</p><p class="john">Ecto: true.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: hahaha cute</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm really certain he's one of my three guys</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: well</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: it makes sense that you think that</p><p class="john">Ecto: lol</p><p class="john">Ecto: even if he's not one of my roomies</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'll probably still get a crush on him if we all find time to keep getting together...</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Because you are one of those types of guys that falls for every boy, like I said.</p><p class="john">Ecto: NO! only nice boys!</p><p class="john">Ecto: so you're probably excempt!!!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: OOOOOOOOOOoooo burn!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; my rage for dirk has subsided</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; my love for johns rage towards dirk has emerged</p><p class="jade">Jade: lol theres a new twink in town</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; TWINK OFF!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hey</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: no need for another contest</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'll take any of the guys here any day, any time, any place.</p><p class="john">Ecto: hahahaha!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: not you ampora, i ain't into that.</p><p class="john">Ecto: :T</p><p class="john">Ecto: hey, no exclusions</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: yeah</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: you need to bring enough candy to share with the class</p><p class="john">Ecto: you hit on all of the boys or you hit on none of us, sollux</p><p class="john">Ecto: :p</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: okay.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: fine.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but wear a paper bag over your head.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: ive been there before</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: dont worry eridan</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: he gives me that treatment all the time</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: baby, you're too good for me.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: at least you knoww youre not good enough for her</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: shut up, ampora</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: to be real though</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: aa, you're out of my leauge</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you're amazing and chill</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and egbert...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: having someone like you like me</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: makes me feel like i'm doing alright</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i'm sure dave and karkat are like super fucking faltered too</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh, no doubt.</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: im certain they are</p><p class="jade">Jade: their silence right now speaks volumes</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay</p><p class="dave">Dave: so i am faltered that someone so kind is like into me</p><p class="dave">Dave: but im silent mostly for the reason that im trying not to set john off</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; what chu mean?</p><p class="john">Ecto: damn it i know what he means.</p><p class="john">Ecto: my mind is just like between two things</p><p class="john">Ecto: "dave! dave! it's dave! dave!"</p><p class="john">Ecto: "abs. abs. abs."</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HOW ARE YOU STILL DROOLING OVER THAT?</p><p class="john">Ecto: HAVE <span class="x1F44F"> YOU <span class="x1F44F"> SEEN <span class="x1F44F"> HIM <span class="x1F44F"> SHIRTLESS?!? </span></span></span></span></p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I HAVE.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND HE JUST HAS LIKE A LONG TRAIL OF PUBES CRAWLING UP HIS ABS.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: a happy trail?</p><p class="john">Ecto: !!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: that's what it's called?!?!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: no.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i just call it that cause it makes me happy.</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'm gonna call it that now too!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: IT IS CALLED A HAPPY TRAIL, YOU DICK FOR BRAINS.</p><p class="john">Ecto: is sol making a joke, or are you making a joke???</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: john, just remember to google everything before you listen to either of these two asshats.</p><p class="john">Ecto: is it a happy trail?</p><p class="rose">Rose: Is there anything "happy" about Dave?</p><p class="john">Ecto: now i'm confused</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; STOP IT YOU GUYS!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; youre confusing the cutie!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i'll go ask dave in person now.</p><p class="john">Ecto: and uh...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i hope that you all don't mind if i check out now</p><p class="john">Ecto: i made some yum yums for my three guys and i wanna munch with em.</p><p class="jade">Jade: bye!!!!</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: good night</p><p class="john">Ecto: good night?</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: night</p><p class="tav">Tavros: bye,,,</p><p class="john">Ecto: it's morning!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: good naight!!!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: good night.</p><p class="rose">Rose: Pleasant dreams.</p><p class="jane">Jane: goodbye and good morning?</p><p class="jake">Jake: Good day!!!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: goodbye</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: bye</p><p class="john">Ecto: what are you saying goodbye to me for?</p><p class="john">Ecto: we're right about to sit down and eat together?!!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm saying goodbye to my no.1 girl</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; GASP</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i knew i was the other woman</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: nep, you're the coolest girl i've ever been with.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: for sure</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; hehehehe</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i love you both</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; and you too john!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: bye!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; bye bye</p><p class="john">Ecto: :B</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: 8ye.</p><p class="john">Ecto: :)</p><p class="john">Ecto: i love you all</p>
<hr/><p>You stare down at your phone. John's going to be out here any moment. Of course now you're being spammed with private messages congratulating you and also spamming you with advice. You open up each of them just to say <span class="dave">thanks</span> or <span class="dave">thanks for the help</span> . The only one you really read-read was just roxy spamming the phrase <span class="roxy">HAPPY TRAIL! HAPPY TRAIL! HAPPY TRAIL!</span></p><p>You just saw that Dirk is writing you something. He's probably writing you a detailed list of things you should do to get John's attention. Roxy already wrote you everything you need to remember. <span class="roxy">HAPPY TRAIL! HAPPY TRAIL! JOHN LOVES YOUR HAPPY TRAIL!</span></p><p>The door slides open and you immediately lock your screen. You look up at John and he pouts. "I'm so sorry if any of the food got cold!"</p><p>"No. It's still good." Sollux shakes his head. "It's fucking hot as balls out here anyway."</p><p>You nod and reach over to grab your drink "For real." Your apple juice's glass is sweating, there's so much condensation around the glass that you might get away with saying that's why your palms are so fucking wet. That and since it's hot out, you have an excuse for why you're sweating up a storm.</p><p>John takes his seat down besides you as Sollux raises his glass, "here's to you."</p><p>"To me?" John fully settles down into his seat and looks around the table. Karkat's already jumping up to get them hashbrowns, his head still cocked to the side so he can look at the tall dickweed besides him. All three of you are staring at Sollux now. Captor is sipping his drink and once he's done with his sip, he states, "we need to celebrate you coming out."</p><p>"Oh yeah..." John looks up at the ceiling, "I guess we can. I didn't think we would to be honest... plus, I still work today..."  </p><p>You smile at John, "we can do anything you want before you head out, man."</p><p>"Anything?" John looks at you with pleading eyes. Like you'd ever say no to that face.</p><p>”Anything, man.” You nod.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You've been on your back for how long now? probably a solid hour. You’re only like halfway through the movie. You've seen this movie probably a thousand times. At this point you can quote ghostbusters verbatim, just like John’s doing now. John’s laying down on top of you and munching on his current favorite, shark gummies. Poor Sollux though, the bag is right next to his face and the guy is just trying to get some sleep from that food coma John pretty much just put you all in with that new honey-pancake recipe he tried out today. John’s almost out himself anyway, he looks like he's getting knocked out by that brunch he made too.</p><p>John shuffles up a bit. He lifts up a gummy shark for your to eat. You take it in between your teeth and pull it into your mouth. John's memorized by the screen. He puts his hand down just to pat Sollux’s side. John whispers, “drink.”</p><p>Sollux mutters something as he sits up and grabs John’s glass. Sollux carefully hands it to John who gingerly takes his time sitting up. John sips the water through a straw and then offers some to you. You reject the offer, stating, “I don’t wanna spill it, man.” John hums like that excuse is acceptable. He’s always hounding you specifically to stay hydrated. He hands Sollux back the glass. Then John turns to face Karkat who’s on your other side. John pulls Karkat closer to him -and consequently also closer to you.</p><p>John happily hums and mutters, “this is the life.” </p><p>Sollux yawns as he says, “you still have to work later.” </p><p>“Ugh! I know!” John whines as he cuddles Vantas close to his chest. “My poor babies, you all have to go on without me.”</p><p>Sollux chuckles, “damn, you’re gonna miss the rest of movie night. We’re gonna watch a shit romcom and then Enter the Fist.”</p><p>John whines as loud as he can, “I wanna watch those!!!”</p><p>you openly wonder, “why?”</p><p>John defends himself saying, "I freaking love Kung Pow."</p><p>"I know you do, man." You clarify, "I'm asking about why you wanna watch some romcom."</p><p>"Cause I wanna watch a movie that can give me some date ideas for me and my guy." John shrugs as he keeps cuddling with Karkat. </p><p>"What?" Sollux jokes. "Fun ideas from romcoms like getting your skirt caught in an elevator while you're talking to your boss or getting married for a green card-"</p><p>"LET'S WATCH THAT ONE NEXT." Karkat casually says, "I WANNA SEE THAT ONE AGAIN."</p><p>"God. As long as it's not fucking Maid in Manhattan." Sollux whispers to you. </p><p>"What movie do you wanna watch, cutiebooty?" John curiously asks as he pulls away to see Karkat's face.</p><p>"THE PROPOSAL, IT'S ABOUT SANDRA BULLOCK WORKING IN-" Oh God. Here he goes. "-FROM CANADA. SO SHE NEEDS TO GET MARRIED TO STAY IN AMERICA."</p><p>Sollux adds in, "she gets married to Deadpool."</p><p>"THEN-" Karkat tries to start up again, John cuts in just as quick. </p><p>"The guy who played Deadpools in it?" John tilts his head into your chest. "Is it funny?" </p><p>Karkat waves off John's question. "THAT'S NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT. I-"</p><p>Sollux interrupts. "Betty Whites in it."</p><p>You instantly say. "I'm fucking there." </p><p>"Well." John shrugs and then snuggles his head into the crevice of your neck. "We agreed to let you pick the next movie anyway." He's addressing Karkat and not you. Still, it's John's day. </p><p>You remind him, "but today's all about you and what you wanna do, John."</p><p>"Hm..." John cuddles up to you so his head is placed right next to yours on your pillows.</p><p>You can feel your chest tighten. Seeing him in bed right next to you always makes you feel so tense. It's such a typical thing that John wants to sleep next to you, you don't know how the sight of him like this still gets to you.</p><p>John lets a small huff out his nose, seems like he's frustrated with something.</p><p>John opens his mouth and then shuts it close. Then he opens his mouth back up again, like he's forcing himself to speak. “I can do like anything?" </p><p>"Yep." You smile softly back at him.</p><p>John lowers his head a bit as he pouts, "like... talk about <em>anything</em> anything?”</p><p>You let out one small chuckle. ”Yeah, man.”</p><p>John shakes his head a bit as he says, ”cause I really don’t wanna go off-"</p><p>”Dude." Sollux cuts him off. "We live for the drama.”</p><p>"Okay... so..." John shuffles a bit in bed. Sollux grabbed the remote just to lower the volume of the tv so you could all listen to John with clarity. John shuffles a bit down. He wants to lay completely flat on your back, and once he's in place, John makes you put your arms around him. You kiss the top of his head and he lifts up his hands as he explains, "work is freaking killing me!" John starts going off about how he's always expected to do the brunt of the work. He always offers to lend people a hand, but it looks like he's convinced now people are taking advantage of that and making him do all their work while they stand around and talk. When John complained about it to the head of the staff, they just brush it off. </p><p>"That's total fucking shit, man." Sollux pat John's side. </p><p>"I know! It’s such fucking bullshit! I’m so sick of picking up for everyone else’s slack. I’m just... I'm so tired of it and it makes me hate going back there." John crosses his arms and pouts. He opens his mouth and chants. "Kiss."</p><p>All three of you place a kiss on different parts of his face at once. You get his forehead and the others get John's cheek. John lets another huff out his nose. Seems like this shit is really getting to him. You hate hearing how stressed work makes him. That's why he had to quit his last job and look for something with better pay. Yeah... he needs the money, but if you could just elevate some of that stress for him... then he'd be fine. You'd do anything to give him the break he deserves. </p><p>You take in a small breath of air.  "I... I still have a lot of money from my inheritance.”</p><p>"Yeah, brag about it.” Sollux mutters. He knows how much money it is. He's aware. They all are.</p><p>"No being mean. Not today, it’s cuddle time so be nice." John wiggles around until he's facing you. He plants a kiss on your cheek and then places his chin down on your chest. "What did you wanna say, sweetie?”</p><p>"I’m just saying... I have a lot of money I don’t really know what to do with...”</p><p>John's eyes widen. "What... what are you saying?” There's a glisten in John's eyes, you can hear in his voice how tight his throat is getting too. </p><p>You lift up one of your hands so you could tossle his hair a bit. "I could pay your rent.”</p><p>“I-" John looks away from you. "I don’t know, Dave. It's not like... I could pay you back."</p><p>"You don't have to." You shake your head. "You do so much for all three of us already."</p><p>Sollux chimes in. “You cook, you do the landry-"</p><p>”Oh yeah, big whoop Mr. <em>'I wear only two pairs of jeans and like own five different shirts!'</em> " John points a finger at Sollux and drives his fingertip right into his forehead. Sollux laughs as John yells, "And I like cooking! I'm doing it for me more so than you all!"</p><p>”JOHN. DON'T DOWNPLAY HOW MUCH YOU DO FOR THIS HOUSE.” Karkat's pouting, you can see that wrinkle between his brows John thinks is adorable.</p><p>Sollux pats John's back and gently rubs it, ”yeah, you do so much for all three of us.”</p><p>Sollux leans in a bit closer to you and John as John turns his head to face him. Captor quietly mutters, "I think you should take up Dave's offer and maybe just try to stream again and make money that way."</p><p>"Yeah... I mean, I still have to pay off my car." John mutters.</p><p>You kiss the top of John's head and add, "I'm sure if you make some videos, people are gonna love you."</p><p>"They didn't really watch my streams in the first place."</p><p>"It's not about streams, man." Sollux chuckles. "You need to make some clips on Youtube and people will watch the aftermath, I can give you my old equipment and Dave can show you how to edit clips together."</p><p>"Yeah." You scratch the back of John's head. "We can figure it out, worse comes to worse, you can apply and find a better job. A place that appreciates how good you are."</p><p>”Hmm..." You takes in a deep breath and he sighs.</p><p>John places both of his palms flat onto your chest and breaths in your scent. </p><p>John mutters out quietly, "I feel like I’m in a dream.”</p><p>John lifts up his head, like he had a sudden stroke of clarity, ”am I asleep?”</p><p>“Yes.” Sollux smiles and laughs.</p><p>”Hmm...” John giggles. ”that sounds so nice, being like a little homemaker for all three of my favorite guys. I hope this dream goes in that direction.”</p><p>"John." You're about to tell him it's a real offer. Then Karkat smacks your arm. You turn your head and Vantas gives you a look that basically says<em> "LET HIM BE STUPID."</em></p><p>John giggles, "I could finally cook that recipe I wanted to try. It was this chilli that has cornbread on top. I wanted to try to make my own hot sauce too. And I know that you really love those pickled radishes I made a few months back, Dave." John snuggles up his head into your chest and kisses your pecs again. "Ahh... I could bake pies and cookies every other day and then maybe lemon loaves... maybe even making bread again since i'd have the time to really master it.” John kisses your pecs again. Then again. And about fifteen times in rapid succession. </p><p>”I can wear different aprons everyday!” John kisses your chest again. "One for every day of the week! I have to get a few more. I should go shopping again soon. Ah... I hope that I can find some excuse to get you boys to help me pick some out." </p><p>Sollux "Shit, let's pick them out online. why not?" Sollux sounds like he's joking when he says, "I'll grab my phone."</p><p>"Ha." John smiles, "no. I wanna have like a shopping montage where you all tell me which ones I look cutest in."</p><p>You chuckle and accidently slip out a shaky sigh.</p><p>Karkat lets out a frustrated groan, "FINE. I'LL FIND THE TIME FOR IT."</p><p>Sollux laughs. "We don't <em>always </em>have to be streaming, dude.”</p><p>"WE AREN'T RIGHT NOW, ARE WE?" Karkat attempts to shoot Sollux a look. You and John are blocking his view.</p><p>"No fighting." John yawns and smacks his lips together. </p><p>"WE'RE NOT-" Karkat shuts his own mouth and huffs. He's well aware that almost everything he says sounds confrontational. "FINE. LET'S JUST FINISH THIS MOVIE SO I CAN WATCH MINE."</p><p>John seems like he's fully settled on your chest. He hums like he's comfortable.</p><p>Your best friend -who you've been in love with since high school- sighs out the words, "I want every single moment of my life to feel like this."</p><p>Sollux smiles and nods, “then it’s settled.” Sollux pats John’s back -probably harder than he meant to- and announces for John, “quit your stupid fucking job, that undervalues you, and cook for your stupid fucking roommates, who value you just enough to deserve the joy of your cooking.”</p><p>”Hey! That hurt- wait.” John shoots up like it just dawned on him. “Huh!? Th- that’s a real offer!? Not a made up sexy dream offer?”</p><p><em>The word 'Sexy?'</em> shoots thought your mind. You think twice before you say it aloud. You open your mouth, taking a breath and tasting the air before you nod. "If you want..."</p><p>"AH!" John shouts. He grabs both sides of your checks. John jumps into kissing every single space on your face. Your nose. The space between your brows. The spot above your lips. And your lips. You feel like all the air has been pressed out of you. John gives you one long final kiss on your forehead and then he shout,  "I promise! I’ll be the best homemaker ever!”</p><p>John sits up on your lap and pulls his fists up to his chest. "Since you’re gonna be the one paying my rent, you get to pick dinner for the weekdays! Weekends are Sollux and Karkat's pick!”</p><p>You let him know, "anything you wanna cook I’m fine with.”</p><p>"Okay- but I'll run it through you first... and uh... I might need extra money for the groceries then...”</p><p>"THEN. STREAM.” Karkat reinstates what Sollux and Karkat have been hyper fixated on since you moved in this freaking townhouse.</p><p>“Oh. I still am unsure about that..." John points a finger up to his chin. "I’m not used to the controls on that one controller you all use. I like a good old fashioned mouse and keyboard, and I bet watching someone with my personality would be like watching a grandma play harvest moon or something!”</p><p>"I am so down to watch that.” Sollux adds in.</p><p>"Actually, that <strong>would </strong>rock." You agree.</p><p>“Haha.” John stares down at the two of you and covers his lips as he laughs. He's sitting right on your abs and he's rubbing his other hand over your pecs. "Too bad I'm not actually a grandma."</p><p>”JOHN." Karkat lifts up one of his hands as he demands the floor. "YOU'RE UNDERESTIMATING HOW LIKEABLE YOU REALLY ARE.”</p><p>"Yeah." Sollux cuts in, "you're funny and you've got that kinda positive vibe that just rubs off on people."</p><p>You nod along with that. "Couldn't find another way to put it better myself."</p><p>You look right into John's eyes and suggest, "maybe just <em>try</em> streaming again, not putting any real stock in it, just like testing the waters and making some short Youtube vids.”</p><p>"Hmm..." John dwells on a thought for a moment, "I think it would be fun to stream with all of you and play Mario Party or something."</p><p>You laugh at the thought, anything even slightly competitive sets both Sollux and Karkat off. John's gonna have to get used to the air around them when they go fucking ape shit on Nintendo's version of a board game on acid.</p><p>John is humming like he's still lingering on some foreign thought, something he seems only half certain of. He nods once and bluntly says, "maybe I’ll join your roleplay. That is, if you're still trying to get back at Dirk.”</p><p>"OF COURSE WE FUCKING ARE. AND WE'RE NOT STOPPING UNTIL THAT ASSHOLES DEAD." Karkat is already heated. "WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE TO REALLY GETTING BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS, I GOT NEPETA TO ARM US-“</p><p>"Already?" You yourself are surprised. You had next to nothing the other day. You only just meet up with Karkat and joined his makeshift gang. You ask Vantas, "how’d you do that?”</p><p>"I..." Karkat shutters for a moment. He sounds hesitant to confess, "I FUCKING OFFERED TO DATE HER IN GAME.”</p><p>"ohohohohohoho! Competition!" John laughs. "I better get my a-game on!"</p><p>"I MEANT WE'RE FAKING DATING. YOU KNOW. <em>IN GAME.”</em> Karkat emphasizes that it's fake and not real that he's dating one of the only chicks that's ever expressed any romantic interest in him. </p><p>Sollux laughs. "Yeah, John. You know that your real competition for Karkat is me.”</p><p>"Hahahaha!" John laughs as he bounces up and down on your abs. "Oh, we’re gonna have to fight one v. one!" John points at Sollux like he's holding a pretend gun. "I’ll snipe you.”</p><p>"Damn. I’m shaking." Sollux smiles and laughs. "If I'm up against you, I don't have a chance."</p><p>"No. I don’t wanna fight you for real.” John smiles and clarifies, like he always does, "I'm just joshing you." You somehow get this feeling that John would win in a fight against Sollux. Probably because Sollux wouldn’t want to throw a punch against the guy. </p><p>John hums out a few giggles as he looks over all of you. He shakes his head and breaths in a deep breath through his nose. </p><p>"I can’t wait to quit my job. I wanna be able to spend more time with all of you. I still need money, but I'll figure something out!”</p><p>Sollux says the words "I know it will" with only a hint of contempt. You know that his words tinted with resentment because he knows that you would get a job on John’s behalf and bust your ass for hours a day just to make John's car payments on time for him. You can probably get away with it too if you start using his car more often. That excuse isn't gonna work for paying his phone plan though. Still, you wanna support him... even if you aren’t exactly dating. </p><p>"I'll put in my two weeks." John softly sighs.</p><p>"WHY WAIT THAT LONG? IF I WERE YOU, I'D JUST STRAIGHT UP BE A NO-SHOW."</p><p>John gently argues, "that's not fair to everyone else-"</p><p>"WHAT THE FUCK. YOU JUST SAID THEY DON'T FUCKING DO THEIR JOBS. IF I WERE YOU I’D GO IN AND TELL EVERYONE OFF.”</p><p>"Ha.” John laugh. “Well, I’m not as forthright as you are and there are plenty of people that do their jobs just fine too. There's a handful of bad apples.”</p><p>"Call them out.” Sollux tells John, "cite them as a reason for why you quit. Everyone will be pissed at those fuckers."</p><p>"I don't know..." John dwells on it. "Some of them still kinda-sorta work... ish."</p><p>"John." You're addressing him now. "Just maybe pick out the ones that are the worst and say it's hard to work with them."</p><p>"They'd know I'm quiting over them though... I've complained about those two before." John slightly pouts. He opens his mouth to add in another point and, of course, his phone goes off.</p><p>"UGH!" John groans as he tosses back his head. “That’s my alarm.”</p><p>John's bouncing up and down on your abs in frustration, he slides a bit down to your lap again. His head is still tossed back and he's letting out another groan. Every bit of strength that was keeping your stoic mask on your face just slipped out of your grasp. Thankfully, John's not looking at you. He just slips off of your lap and then he crawls over Karkat's legs. John mumbles, "I gotta head out soon. Couldn't even watch that freaking romcom." John walks out of the room, ignoring you three in favor for getting ready for his shit job.</p><p>You shut your eyes. Karkat and Sollux linger for a moment. Sollux at least has the decency to clamp his mouth shut before he laughs. He gets up off your bed, your mattress bounces up and down. Karkat for some reason is still by your side. You beg him, "Please leave."</p><p>Karkat takes in a deep breath and slowly crawls off your bed. "I JUST... I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FAST YOU-"</p><p>"Shut-" That's all you're able to get out before you smack your hands over your face. You just fucking popped a huge fucking boner in front of all your roommates cause John looked like he was- he <em>was</em> fucking riding you! He was Fucking dry humping you and he even said in the group chat he wants to LICK your FUCKING ABS.</p><p>You can just picture Sollux nodding right now as he checks out the tent your pitching in your pajama bottoms and points at your cock, "I forgot you were fucking hung."</p><p>You finally got out the rest of what you wanted to say. "-UP." </p><p>Your face is still under your palms. Sollux and Karkat are both snickering now. You have no fucking idea how they can find any of this fucking funny. You're living a nightmare disguised as your fantasies. If John actually saw just now that you got a fucking boner, what would he have said! What would he have thought! All you know is that he would have figured out in that instant that it was you sending those messages. You can't let yourself crack like that again.  John is getting horny and exploratory, you need to bring your A-game to the table. No more slip ups. You can't let John know it's you. You can't destroy your friendship, at least, not like this. </p><p>Karkat slips into the hall, Sollux tracing behind. "We'll leave you two alone for a moment."</p><p>"Fuck you." You mutter with your face still covered. You remove your hands from your face to breath out "Thank you..." right before Captor shuts the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re sitting down in your desk chair, naked from the waist up. Karkats hunched over his desk as well, wearing his favorite sweater. You’re sweating your balls off and he’s not even flinching. You have no idea how he does it.</p><p>He's even getting heated up right now and he’s still wearing that damn thing. He’s screaming his head off at someone who must have wronged him. Well, at least from kk’s point of view he's been wronged. “MOTHERFUCKER. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT YOU’D RATHER SUCK OFF YOUR BOSS THEN MAKE SOME QUICK COIN ON THE SIDE? CASH WITH<em> NO</em> FUCKING TRACE? THE FUCK KIND OF PUSSY ARE YOU?”</p><p>You're pretty sure kk’s gonna make you sell drugs again. Vantas hates doing that kinda thing though. He thinks it’s <em>"TOO EASY.”</em> You know that Karkat would rather do something that puts him on the map. Shit like like align himself with your on-again-off-again sweetheart, who is a fuckin' cult leader at the moment. You’re thankful you hardly interacted with aa when she's in character. She tried at a certain point to recruit you for her death cult, but you just couldn’t take listening to the character she puts on. Aradia acts like she’s the literal embodiment of death when she's online. She was saying something about needing to feast on sacrifices to gain more strength in the mortal realm when you first met her. You were gonna try to arrest her and bring her in, then when she tried to bite your neck, you legitimately got scared in rl, so of course, you made a break for it. aa goes ham on shit like this, worst part is that she never breaks character... for anything.</p><p>Yep. She’s too good for you. In game and out.</p><p>Right now, things are going pretty good with your new character. You've only really met Karkat's character so far and some random strangers. This server is hardcore about everyone always playing into their role. You <em>have</em> to roleplay in character and live life through your avatar's eyes. You can't talk to any of the old characters you used to RP with so there’s nothing to do other than try to meet people.</p><p>Karkats got you wondering around the area where you both know Serket is hiding out. You both found out by watching her latest stream, you keep making it look like you’re just trying to get a feel for your character and what he should do, Karkat came up with the idea that you are a drop out from Cambridge and quit school cause you wanted to start a new life, then you rolled into town and decided to join kk's characters gang. You decided to change up his story just a tiny bit, you thought it would be funny if you dropped out cause you were caught sleeping with all of your professors to get As, kk actually screamed at you for saying that shit to him on stream, that was the most fun you had all day.</p><p>As of right now, there’s next to nothing to do in game. Still, you’re still trying to find ways to make it fun, not just for yourself, but for everyone on stream. Making up a fucked up narrative for yourself is pretty much that. At the moment, you can't do shit other than wait. You're looking forward to when TG's ready to bump into you and Karkat.</p><p>Yeah, Dave’s chill enough to wander around near the piers and start his own shit up on his own stream. He said he’s already working as hired muscle. When you took a break earlier to take a piss you caught Dave grabbing some Red Bull. TG said something about getting the coin for a motorcycle and then getting paid to knock the shit out of a dealer selling drugs on the wrong turf. Damn. Strider gets to focus on fun shit. You’re left doing nothing other than gather info.</p><p>All of a sudden you hear Karkat pretend to grunt. “THERE! THERE’S YOUR FUCKING GUN BACK!” You turn your head just for a moment to look at Karkat as he screams,” NEXT TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH I’LL PUT A BULLET IN BETWEEN THOSE CROSSED EYES.” </p><p>You’re not so confident in your chances up against Dirk, but if anyone could try that fucker... it would be him.</p><p>. . . </p><p>“LET ME SEE THOSE HANDS." Karkat’s screams the moment that his character kicks open the gas station door. Karkats holding up a gun with you following behind him. This is the third fucking gas station today. Both of you are wearing ski masks and Karkat managed to find you both guns in less than an hour. He works fast, especially when he’s pissed. </p><p>Thank god it’s just another NPC this time. Karkat’s still screaming at the guy, “OPEN UP THE REGISTER. BE QUICK ABOUT IT.”</p><p>The guy behind the counter reaches under the counter. Looks like he’s working on opening a safe. </p><p>Karkat screams in a way that nothing but almost comical, “THAT WORKS TOO!”</p><p>You keep your gun pointed at the guy as Karkat lowers his weapon. The guy at the counter hands Karkat money, once Karkat got the cash, kk’s avatar turns to yours. He shouts at you, “ALRIGHT. LET’S-" You already hear police sirens rolling up the street. “OH SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”</p><p>The two of you start booking it to the back. Karkat kicks open the backdoor and you both run through. You tell Karkat, “take off your mask!” as you take off yours. You both keep running as you pass by the back of several shops. You remember chasing after Karkat this exact way on foot with the last batch of avatars you two had. You have to admit. “Ha ha haaa!!!” Being on this side of things is way more fun.</p><p>Karkat’s struggling to figure out which way to turn. You start picking up the pace. You take the lead and direct him over to a place you know he’ll fucking love.</p><p>"IS THAT-"</p><p>You cut around to the entrance as you yell back at Karkat, “Come on! Follow me in here!” </p><p>Karkat shouts back, “IN A FUCKING TITTY BAR?”</p><p>When you both step inside the bouncer crosses his arms. He definitely just overheard kk screaming that shit just now. You have to think fast, you do what you always do on default, </p><p>"Babe, I know you wanted a better place to go on our first date, but I thought we could really bond, you know, like men-"</p><p>"SHUT UP.” Karkat turns around. He’s way quicker on his feet than you are, “I’M NOT GONNA DO A BUSINESS DEAL IN A STRIPCLUB.”</p><p>"What about Hooters?” You try your best not to laugh.</p><p>Karkat's avatar shoots his head around. He looks at you and then at the bouncer. He grunts, "UGH."</p><p>Karkat starts walking towards you. “GOD. FINE. WHATEVER. LET’S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.” Karkat shoves your character with his shoulder, you laugh as he walks ahead and past a girl wearing cowboy shorts. You follow after him and the girl spouting a spurs and a cowboy hat asks you, “like a dance, boys?” </p><p>Karkat huffs and looks right past the girl wearing a string bikini top. kk heads over to the bar and leaves you alone with her. You turn to her and give her a shrug, “mind my associate, ma’am."</p><p>“Hm. Guess, we can count him out." The cowgirl continues, "but how’s about I take you to the back and show you a good time?” A few other girls circle around you. You’re completely surrounded by five women now, all with their own themes and their own hunger for cash.</p><p>"Can’t." You reject the cowgirl’s offer, "I gotta calm down my friend over there.” </p><p>"Something set him off?” The girl with the midnight blue hair and the Nirvana shirt honestly seems curious. </p><p>"Think he’s just upset I said I’d take him out to a bar and we wound up here, think he wanted a... <em>different </em>kind of atmosphere.” You look over at Karkat. He's already shouting at the bartender and demanding something strong. Ha. In real life, he's a lightweight. You smile at him as you tell the woman standing next to you, "Yeah, this isn't the best place for a first date.”</p><p>"Ha!” The cowgirl honestly lets out a real laugh. She quickly forces herself back into her surly character. “You’re funny.”</p><p>“See, you think it’s a joke.” You smile at her.</p><p>"Hahaha!” She's actually laughing. Sounds like she has tears in her eyes. The rest of the girls are laughing now too, seems like her laughter is contagious. One of the girls asks, “<em>is </em>it a joke?” You turn to her, she’s dressed in all pink and swinging her pigtails back and forth. You answer, “I want it to be real.” The cowgirl starts fucking coughing. You guess you made her day with that. Glad you did, cause this conversation is pretty much over. You really need to make your way back to Karkat before he screams at you.</p><p>You say a polite “goodbye” to all the girls, and then try to make your way back over to your best friend.</p><p>The cowgirl takes a moment to recuperate. She sighs before she calls out to you, “hold on, now.” You stop yourself and wait for her to break away from the group and catch up to you. She laughs a few more times before she tells you, "Name’s Betsy. Just ask for me when you get some free time, sugar.”</p><p>"Of course.” You nod.</p><p>Betsy holds up a something for you to take, "here’s my card. There’s my number.” She leans over and places a kiss on your cheek. “And please. Give me a ring. No one shows up to this bar but creeps and low lives, and I wanna have some <em>real</em> fun for once.”</p><p>"Well, if you knew what I was in here for..." You whisper, "you might not be so interested.” </p><p>"<em>OooOo.</em> <b>Definitely</b> call me.” Betsy starts walking towards the front.</p><p>You wave at her as you see her off, "see you.”</p><p>The moment you sit down next to Karkat's avatar you sigh and then say,</p><p>"Dude, I have no idea how this keeps happening to me.”</p><p>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” He's holding onto a glass of whiskey. Both of his arms are resting on the counter, and he already sounds pissed.</p><p>“That chick just gave me her number and-”</p><p>“WHO FUCKING CARES.” He shoots you down.</p><p>“I do!” You shrug. “I’m starting to think I might be cursed or something.”</p><p>“CURSED? REALLY?” Karkat sounds like he doesn’t wanna hear it. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m never really interested in the chicks that like me.” You explain, "especially girls like <strong>that."</strong></p><p>"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"</p><p>Karkat clearly wants you to shut up, you take it like it's another opportunity to explain, "girls like that are a lot to handle, and I have to spend a good amount of my energy on you."</p><p>"JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"</p><p>You chuckle. "I mean, you're a lot for one man to handle."</p><p>"YEAH, I'M REALLY WORKING <em>YOU </em>TO THE BONE!" Karkat lifts up a hand and grunts, "I'M DOING ALL THE FUCKING HEAVY LIFTING HERE, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BITCH TO ME. YOU WANNA COMPLAIN, GO WHINE TO HER." Karkat directs you to look over your shoulder. You laugh and just keep staring at his tough looking avatar.</p><p>His character in game looks so much like him this time. Dark skin. Black hair. Angry eyebrows. You should have made yours look more like you, damn. What a missed opportunity. </p><p>The moment you open your lips to speak, you hear the static of walkie talkies behind you. You turn your head around and scan the front. You tell Karkat what you see. "Two cops.” Both of which are walking towards the middle of the room and both of these guys you already know. You're in luck. They're idiots.  </p><p>"HM.” Karkat doesn’t in anyway seem phased. He just keeps sipping on his drink.</p><p>You watch your favorite girl, Betsy, mosey on over to the cops. She’s talking to them, maybe cooperating... Nope. She’s trying to offer them up a lap dance. Shit, you would totally roll with her, that is, if you had the cash for it. The cops are trying to ask her questions and instead Betsy’s just trying to grind for cash. Doesn't take long for the two cops to give up on her.</p><p>You sigh as you watch the two guys walk out. “Maybe we should call it. That was close.”</p><p>"WE'LL START AGAIN AT NIGHT. FOR NOW, WE SHOULD DISBAND, TRY LOOKING FOR MORE INTEL.”</p><p>"Actually, I’m gonna probably take a three-hour long piss.”</p><p>Karkat doesn't say anything in response to that. You know that you honestly must have just hit him hard with that last comment. You stare at kk's character and then you take your eyes off the screen. You start looking over at the real version of him. You basically just told him you’re gonna have your avatar pissing on a wall for hours, which basically means AFK in this RP. </p><p>You don't even need to make an argument for why you'd do it too. You're tired and the rings under your eyes make that glaringly obvious. You wanna take a fucking nap. That and a real piss, but Karkat makes the rules. You have to do what he says. You look into Karkat’s actual eyes and pout. You’re lucky that both of you leave the camera off for these GTA streams. No one's watching you right now, only listening. You stop pouting so you can give Karkat a smile. He looks so angry with you, but how can you not smile? That face he’s making is just so funny to you! </p><p>"FUCK. FINE." Karkat just gives up, "LET’S GET BACK TO HQ.”</p><p>You do your best not to laugh.</p><p>You just smile and head on out.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You just got done with the bathroom. You’re ready for that nap.</p><p>You're walking down the steps back to your room. First thing you see when you open the door is kk. Karkats still hunching over his desk, biting his thumb nail as he looks down at a paper he’s scribbling on. You walk up behind him and look over his shoulder. Karkat shoots his head up and turns to look at you. He hates when you hover over him like this. You couldn't care less.</p><p>You smile and shrug, “I just wanted to see if you were writing me a love letter.”</p><p>“NO." He snaps at you with a mocking tone, "I’M WRITING DAVE’S NAME AND CIRCLING IT WITH HEARTS.”</p><p>"Don’t even joke about that!” You snort a laugh out of your nose and roll your eyes, “he’s<em> so</em> out of your league, settle for me instead.”</p><p>"UGH.” Karkat slams his palm down onto his desk. “I'M TRYING TO PLAN OUT OUR NEXT FEW HOURS. WE HAVE SO MUCH WE NEED TO GET DONE BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.”</p><p>"I know, baby." You wrap your arms around him as you hug him from the back. "You’re working so hard.”</p><p>"GOD." Karkat huffs. "JUST- JUST GO TO BED.”</p><p>"Don’t have to tell me twice.” You smile as you rest your chin on his shoulder.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You're lying on your back. Resting on your mattress. You mumble out a whine once you're woken up by Karkat spamming his fingers against his keys. He's probably writing up a whole to-do-list of shit you both need to get done in game. You only got in about an hour of sleep. You're so fucking tired... actually, that makes you think. Did Karkat get <em>any </em>sleep last night. He looks even worse than you do right now, that, and he’s been chugging energy drinks since last night. You sit up and finally slip on a shirt. You think you should be fully clothed if you're gonna have <em>this</em> conversation with kk.</p><p>“Dude." You get up from your bed and stumble over to Karkat. You rub one of your eyes with your fist as you approach Karkat's chair. "Dude." He’s facing away from you, he doesn’t even bother acknowledging you.</p><p>You grab onto Karkat's seat and turn it towards you. He shouts in your face, "HEY!"</p><p>You look down at him with tired eyes. "You and I both need a break."</p><p>"OH, I'M SORRY! DID YOU FORGET THIS IS OUR FUCKING <em>JOB?!"  </em>Karkat takes in a breath to yell at you again, then he widens his jaw instead to yawn.</p><p>You press your lips together, trying hard not to let out the "<em>aw</em>" You're keeping in. John is completely right. Karkat does have the same mood as a sleepy kitten getting frustrated because he doesn't wanna fall asleep and miss any of the fun.</p><p>You give Karkat a half-smile as you hover over him. You take in a deep breath before turning around and walking away. You head towards the door and leave Karkat as you say, "do what you want, but if you're just gonna stay down here every hour of the day, then I'm gonna sleep in your room. I earned it."</p><p>. . .</p><p>Sure, Karkat might have thrown a tissue box at your head, but it was worth it to have him follow you up the stairs and into his room. From there, you sat down on his bed and invited him to join you for some actual rest. </p><p>The moment that Karkat laid down beside you, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. He didn’t even care for putting on a front about being a grumpy asshole who hates all things wholesome and nice. He just straight up started cuddling you and clinging to you. Only about five minutes have passed since then. You stare down at him. Amazing, he's already drifting off to sleep. You wrap your arms around Karkat. He moves in closer to you. Pressing his forehead up to your chest as he clings on to you even tighter. Oh he’s gotta be drifting off for sure, he never holds onto you like this unless he’s really tired.</p><p>Karkat always gets so angry when it comes to cuddling with you, or anyone really, but especially you. He never wants to give you any leeway to make jokes about how close you two are, but you don't really wanna challenge him on things like this. You enjoy sleeping in bed next to him as much as he probably enjoys cuddling with you. It feels just like cuddling up to a puppy, a really angry puppy. Karkat sighs. You hum to yourself. <em>‘Maybe he’s more frustrated than angry. Nobody cares as much as he does. It’s gotta be exhausting.’</em> As much as Karkat likes to shout and call you names, you know it’s just because he wants to let off steam. And you let him do it too, because you love him. </p><p>His eyes are closed shut. Karkats completely out. His mouth his hanging open and he’s drooling on your arm. You just leave him be and let him rest, he earned it.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You're sitting out on the balcony now. You just streamed for another two hours after you woke up. Turns out Karkat needed to meet Vriska so he could threaten her life. He’s got balls bigger than the moon and they shine like stars. Here's hoping you can get this ball rolling later on at night during the hours people actually watch your shit streams. For now, you're content with just sitting outside, soaking in some sun, and instead of getting fresh air, you get to smell Karkat huff a cigarette till it's down to the nub.</p><p>Karkat's arms are crossed. He's got his smoke in between his fingers. You can tell just how stressed he is by the way he’s slouching. You brought him out here so he could calm his mind, but he won't stop trying to talk to you about his plans. He just doesn't stop once he gets started on something. Honestly though, you love the little guy because he's so stubborn. </p><p>You hear the door slide open. Both you and Karkat turn your head around and spot Strider. He’s wearing sweatpants and a baggy old white shirt labeled with a faded out Coca-Cola. Dave looks shocked you two are out here instead of at your desks. His expression is asking you both a silent question, <em>‘what are you doing in my zone?’</em></p><p>Karkat answers, “SMOKE BREAK.” Blunt as usual.</p><p>"Oh." Dave scratches the back of his neck, "I just got back from the gym, I was planin' on just sitting out here for a while.”</p><p>You nod, "still can.”</p><p>"Like in silence though.” Dave's still lingering in the door frame. <em>'How can someone so hot be so timid?'</em></p><p>Karkat waves his hand around, "I DON'T WANNA FUCKING TALK RIGHT NOW.”</p><p>Dave seems content with that. "Cool.”</p><p>TG walks in and takes his usual seat. The chair next to the railing. Once he’s comfortable, Dave turns so he can look out at the lake. The three of you are just chilling outside, watching the dull moon sit in the blue sky as it pulls the waves back and forth. You just let your mind fizzle out as you blankly stare ahead. Just then, you snap out of your daze. You just heard some loud sound, it came from behind you. You ask out loud, "was that the garage?”</p><p>Dave turns his head around, he seems surprised. “Johns already home? He said he'd be back late tonight.”</p><p>All three of you stand up. Karkat leans over the table to snuff out his smoke in his black ashtray. You slide open the door yourself and already, you hear footsteps. Dave is rushing you through the door. He hurries in after you, then rushes to the stairs, "John?"</p><p>"Oh..." You hear John before you see him. Just by his voice, you can tell he must feel completely defeated. He finishes coming up the stairs. He's holding onto himself and sighing. "I just-” John stops himself from saying more. He shuts his eyes tight. </p><p>Dave asks him, "what happened?" Strider sounds like he's the one on the verge of tears. John just sounds tired, tired and worn out. </p><p>John opens his eyes, “I just walked out of work.” He looks up at Dave.</p><p>Right away, Dave wraps his arms around his best friend. Egbert lifts up his hands to gently wraps his own arms around Strider's waist. You look at the back of Dave's neck, it's already blood red. He's getting stressed again. Still, for the moment, it seems like Dave's the one comforting John, but it's not long till it's going to be the other way around. John's pain is Dave's pain, and John always drops everything for the big guy. </p><p>John gently pulls away. Egbert leaves his fingers lingering over Dave's hips. Strider isn't letting John go. John sighs, "I feel so shitty. I shouldn't have left." </p><p>Dave shakes his head, "no, man… don't beat yourself up about it."</p><p>"Yeah." You quietly agree. When John looks up at you, you raise your voice a bit and shrug, "they always run you ragged."</p><p>John stares up at you, a calm blue ocean resting in his eyes. "Still...” John turns away and looks blankly down at Dave’s chest. “I could have told my manager I was leaving or... I don't know... just acted in a way that was mature. God... I wonder if I'm gonna get fired. I don't want that on my record..."</p><p>"Don't stress about it, John." You tell him, "one of my exes told me that a customer raised his voice at her cause she rang in his order wrong, she fuckin’ screamed in the dude’s face ‘you fucking ring yourself up!’” John smiles and laughs as you quietly shout. You act out a little scene, just to entertain him. You swing your arms back and forth as you say, “<em>’I fucking hate this job! I don't have to take this shit!" </em></p><p>John starts laughing, he holds on a little bit tighter to Dave and rests his head against his chest. John’s eyes are shut closed and even though he still seems stressed, looks like you cheered him at least a little bit up. John asks you, “did she get fired?”</p><p>“Nah.” You smile at him and shake your head. “She didn't even get a write up." </p><p>"Yeeaaah…” John tilts his head away from Dave’s chest, “but, my store's manager is like... I don't know..." John trails off.</p><p>"AN ASSHOLE?" Karkat finds the right fuckin' word for him.</p><p>John seems hesitant at first, "…yeah” but he ends up accepting the claim.</p><p>John nods and then places his head back down against Dave's chest. "I just... I can't believe I shouted. I shouldn't have shouted."</p><p>"Whoa." You lift up your hands. The thought of someone pissing off John is a lot to handle. If someone managed to break Egbert down, then it's some serious shit here. "What happened?" </p><p>"I... I need a moment." John shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. He turns his head and buries his face in Dave's chest. You look up at Strider’s face again. He's completely red with anger. He's starting to freak shit. You feel that too. You wanna know everything that just went down, but if John needs a moment, you better guide this into the living room. </p><p>You take a few steps back and whisper "come on" to Karkat. He's following you, Vantas knows that the other two are just going to gravitate towards the couch once you put on some British baking. Karkat sits down. You keep standing, staring over at your two other roommates standing next to the staircase. John pulls away from Dave to look at you. You watch him and then open your mouth to invite him over. Before you could speak, John looks up at Dave. Dave's mouth is a thin, straight line. He's forcing himself to wear a mask, but it's clear from the shade of red his skin turned, that he's pissed.</p><p>The moment John sees how upset his best friend is, Egbert makes a face that just breaks your heart.</p><p>John looks so devastated. John lifts up his hand to cup Dave's cheek. He speaks in a soft, but hurt tone, "darling?"</p><p>Dave doesn’t say anything. He just lets a huff of air escape from between his lips.</p><p>John starts rubbing Dave’s cheeks with his thumb “I’m fine, Dave. Honestly, it’ll be okay. I know it will.” </p><p>You just stare at the two of them. Standing in the living room as John comforts his best friend. </p><p>. . .</p><p>“Hmm.” John snuggles his head into Karkat’s neck. Egbert lets out a sigh and then kisses kk’s cheek. John mutters out, “you’re so warm.” You're so jealous.</p><p>A meme compilation is playing on the living room TV. Dave seems engrossed in the obscenity playing out before him. Today, you're sitting at Dave's side instead of Karkat's. You keep rubbing his back to comfort him, he's doing a lot better now that his mind is on something else. God, every single time that John goes through any stress, Dave has a mini meltdown. You guess it makes sense that Dave would break down at seeing someone like Egbert get fucked over. Dave’s smiling and chuckling at the screen. Shit. You feel like letting out steam yourself.</p><p>You dwell on that last thought for a moment. John used to have some way to cope with all his stress from work. To keep himself from venting about it, John would always do the same exact thing each and every day.</p><p>You watch the video on screen. This guy just threw a chihuahua at another dude, and it smacked the dude right in the crotch. Dave let out a vibrant laugh. He’s covering his mouth now, trying to go back to that stoic face he was forcing himself to wear earlier. You smile and pat Dave’s back again. You lean your head a bit down. Your oval glasses bump up a bit as you place your temple down onto his shoulder. You wait until the last clip in the video finishes playing before you suggest, "hey, guys... what if we went on a walk?"</p><p>. . . </p><p>John looked so defeated when he walked in, but now that all four of you are out the door and walking down the driveway, John seems happier than ever. He a big, happy grin plastered across his face. He looks like a puppy on the walk to his favorite park. </p><p>
  <em>‘Why do I keep mentally comparing cute boys to puppies?’</em>
</p><p>Speaking of cute boys that are like puppies, you turn to Vantas, the angriest pup you know. Karkat is shielding his eyes from the sun with his overly large sleeves. He’s openly scoffing at you, "WHY'D YOU SUGGEST THIS, CAPTOR? IT FEELS LIKE IT'S A MILLION FUCKING DEGREES OUTSIDE." </p><p>Dave commits the cardinal sin of suggesting, "then take off your hoodie, Vantas." </p><p>"I CAN'T, I NEED TO USE THE POCKETS TO CARRY MY FUCKIN' PHONE AND YOU KNOW ALL MY JEANS HAVE HOLES IN THE BACK!" He sounds like a dick right now… but he’s kinda right. Last time Karkat put his wallet in his back pocket, it fell out and he was so fuckin' lucky that John caught it. Karkat’s been using his jacket pockets like some makeshift man-purse since then.</p><p>Dave shrugs, “then I’ll carry your phone.”</p><p>Karkat grumbles. You know the real reason for why he always wears a jacket. He doesn’t like to talk about it… but you’ll defend the guy. You put on your best douchebag smile as you say to Strider, “why would he want you holding onto his phone, he doesn’t want you muddying up his search history with <em>‘albino seeking rim job’ </em>and <em>‘how do I make my butthole more tasty.’”</em></p><p>“God damn it.” Dave groans. Cool the heat's on you now. Dave opens his mouth to speak, but he stops once you three hear a small giggle coming from your side. All three of you turn to look at Egbert, he's smiling like he knows a secret none of you are in on. You just watch Echo swing his body from side to side as he looks back at you and then up at the sky. Karkat breaks the silent loop you didn't even realize that you were trapped in, "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?"</p><p>"Nothing." John raises his shoulders. He looks off to the side, "I was just thinking about how humid it is today, and goodness, it's already <em>sooo</em> hot. I guess as a thank you -for you three walking with me- I should make you some garlic knots for dinner."</p><p>Dave shuts his mouth and lays anything he was about to clap back at you with to rest. Karkat just straight up gives up and walks on ahead and over to the sidewalk. Seems like Echo made a <em>nice friendly walk with no fights</em> worth their while.</p><p>You smile. This is exactly what all of you need, just a moment to get out of the house. You're happy that all four of you are together for this too. John's probably just as excited as you are to get some fresh air as a family. Dave steps on and follows Vantas, he's walking slow and staring back at Egbert as he goes. Looks like he’s waiting on John, <em>‘just like always.’</em></p><p> John grabs onto your wrist and starts to tug you along with him. John then grabs onto Dave's forearm and drags you two over to catch up with Karkat. </p><p>. . .</p><p>You can't hold back a smile, you can't believe with in all your time of living together, you four never gone on a walk around the neighborhood as a group. You sigh. It's pretty quiet out here. You can hear birds chirping and the wind whip through the trees. It would be perfect if the air wasn't so fucking hot. </p><p>It’s about five minutes in and Karkat is already slowing down. John lets go of your wrist as well as Dave's. John walks up to Karkat's side and matches his speed, "how'd everything go today in your game, honeybunny?"</p><p>"BARELY GOT ANYTHING DONE." Karkat is staring straight ahead you know that he probably doesn't want to rant about it to John. He's gonna give Egbert a whole onslaught of new things to stress about if you or Karkat start talking about how your streams are about to suffer from that major setback Dirk sicked on you both. You should probably change the subject, "it's so hot out here, maybe next time we do something like this, we should just go to the beach."</p><p>"Yes!" John jumps up and turns around to face you. He starts walking backwards as he says, "I've been playing out this scenario in my head for weeks now where we all get together and have a whole potluck on the beach!" </p><p>"YEAH." Karkat practically growls, "THEN ERIDAN CAN INVITE ALL OF US ON HIS FAMILY’S FUCKING BOAT AND WE CAN LISTEN TO HIM BRAG FOR THREE HOURS STRAIGHT ABOUT <em><b>NOTHING."</b></em></p><p>"Or we can just not invite him." You suggest.</p><p>"Oh, sush!" John reaches out to you just to smack your arm. "The beach is like Danny's whole thing! It would be so mean to just leave him out of things cause he likes... talking about himself… a lot... Uh! But! If he starts talking about himself, we can just divert his attention to something else instead!"</p><p>You laugh, “yeah. There’s a lot of things you two can talk about…”</p><p>“Like what?!” John cheerfully asks. </p><p>“Dan seemed <em>pretty interested </em>when you came out.” You give John a sly smile to match your tone. </p><p>“Oh sush.” John playfully swats his hand at you. “Why are you bringing <em>that</em> up?”</p><p>“Cause I’m jealous.” You shrug.</p><p>John covers his smile with his hands and starts playfully giggling. “Oh, now I really wanna make this reunion happen, see what kind of debates you two have about who <em>deserves me.”</em> John snorts. He’s just kidding around, but you’d definitely win that argument if it came up.</p><p>"WELL, YOU CAN ALL HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING REUNION ON YOUR OWN." Karkat blows the whole thing off, "I'M NOT DOWN FOR GETTING EATEN UP BY SAND FLEAS."</p><p><em>"Oh yeah..."</em> Echo just had the same realization you did, bringing that much food on the beach is just gonna result in a fucking sand flea infestation. John's still walking backwards. He slows down a bit as he tilts his head. John starts thinking up another scenario for his dream diary, "<em>Whhhy</em> don't we go camping instead?!" John seems so pleased with that little thought of his. "It's been so long since we've done anything like that, and I know that Dirk loves it cause it gives him a chance to show off his cool survival skills! He can bring out his knife and start cutting rope and stuff!” John pauses for a moment, thinking of something else the objectively worst Strider could do to showboat even more than he usually does.</p><p>“He could use the knife to cut off his tank.” You add in.</p><p>John hums and nods at the idea of Dirk carving a blade into the fabric of his shirt just to show off his six-pack. You’re sure Roxy would love that shit too. John lightly nods his head and openly confesses, “I’d rather see <em>Dave</em> do that to be honest.” He covers his mouth shut, like he didn’t mean to say that out loud. Haha, he’s so into Dave already. He’s got this in the bag. You’re feeling confident enough to joke around now. </p><p>“Damn.” You take a moment and dream up a scenario where you’re all in the woods. Dave takes out his pocket knife, and in front of everyone your friends with, Dave just cuts his own shirt in two perfect halves, strips off the fabric, pose like Paul Bunyan and everyone, and you do mean everyone, would instantly break into chaotic laughter. “I’d love to see that too.”</p><p>“Uh…” Dave sounds a bit alarmed by the idea of that. His fantasy must have ended in John licking his abs or some shit.</p><p>“Oh, sweetie!” John turns to Dave. “You know I’m only kidding!” John’s clearly lying through his teeth. “I just like playing around!” John changes the subject from defending himself to “you can roast marshmallows for me! You’re so good at making smores! If we go and you make me one, I'll pay you back for each one with a <em>special</em> kiss!"</p><p>You know Dave's right about to turn pink. You better distract Egbert before he notices.</p><p>"Shit, I should watch tutorials on how to get good at marshmallow roasting." You mumble to yourself. You speak up and tell John, "with a price that good, it’s worth learning the craft.”</p><p>John giggles and smacks your arm, "we all know you accept payment in cuddles and kisses! I wanna know what <em>Dave’s </em>rates are."</p><p>"I'll make you however many smores you want." Dave shrugs. He turns his face away from John as he says, "I don't need you to pay me back with anything, man. I’m always happy to help you, and marshmallows are the one thing I <em>can </em>cook."</p><p>"Hmmm... you drive a hard bargain." John turns around to face away from Dave. He happily chimes out a tune, <em>"I'll pay you with a million kisses!" </em></p><p>You instantly joke, "where are you gonna find all that chocolate?"</p><p>Right on cue, John laughs. </p><p>. . .</p><p>The four of you keep walking on around the block, shortest in the front, tallest in the back. You’ve only encountered some people walking their dogs and, unrelated, a fuck ton of squirrels. John swore he saw a gator, but he says that every time you pass a lake.</p><p>John latched his arm around Karkat and hasn’t let go since. Now, he's telling Karkat in a hush tone something about having a picnic with him and him alone. Baking him that apple pie he likes. No wait- now John’s planning on making him some strawberry popsicles. Something about John’s tone sounded less than friendly. You can’t place your finger on why, that is until John’s next move.  </p><p>Your eyes widen as you watch John trace his fingers along the logo on Karkat’s hoodie. Egberts walking his two longest fingers up Karkat’s hoodie, over kk's neck and up to his cheek. You turn to look at Dave. He’s taking deep breaths through his nose. Even with those shades of his and that stoic pout on his face, you can tell his pissed. Maybe you should interfere before Dave starts getting pissed again, last thing you want is him getting stressed and somehow blowing his cover.</p><p>You’re right about to catch up to John and Karkat. You’re ready to make a joke about how that party of two can turn into a threesome in a hot minute if you were allowed to cut in, but it looks like you don’t need to say anything. Karkat swats John’s hand away and says, “YOU’VE HAD YOUR FUN.” John makes a sad pouty face and lets out a little hum. “But I like play flirting with you…” Karkat gives John one of <b>those </b>looks. John doesn’t seem deterred, but he does roll his eyes. “Fine! You could have gotten a free pie or whatever, but nooo… oh well, I’ll just take Sollux on a picnic with me, I can work on them <em>lemon bars </em>for him.”</p><p>You regret that your first thought was <em>‘oh fuck yeah, lemon bars.’ </em>You should really focus more on Dave here and get John to see the whole bigger, <em>strid-y-er </em>picture. Then again, if Echo starts catching on to you pushing the whole Dave thing, he might figure out who’s his anon-Romeo.</p><p>John suddenly starts laughing. He’s looking behind his shoulder and over at you now. Echo asks you with a smile tinting his tone, “are you actually thinking about going on a little romantic play-date with me?! I was just kidding!"</p><p>Dave doesn’t even hide his annoyance, “well, you didn’t sound sarcastic.”</p><p>John lets out two distinctive, smug, laughs. “Maybe I just wanna keep you boys on your toes!”<br/>
“You’re certainly doing that.” You nod. Thinking about it now, Echo’s been doing everything in his power to confuse you at every turn… this really mimics how he gets when he’s itching to play a prank on all of you. You wonder if Dave can see that too. You don’t know what Egbert’s game is here, but he’s definitely playing you three. </p><p>You wanna get a moment alone with Dave, you could have texted him if he didn't forget his phone. Guess you have to think on your feet here. You look down and then bend one knee to the ground. You start fiddling with your shoelaces to get them undone as you comment, "shit... my shoelace came undone." </p><p>John and Karkat are still walking on even though Dave took a moment to stop to look at you, it looks like he's about to keep walking on ahead of you. You whisper through your teeth, <strong>“Strider.”</strong></p><p>Dave turns to look at you. He looks back at your other two roomates. John and Karkat apparently just stopped so they could observe you messing around with your shoelaces. Dave nods once at the two of them, “you two go on ahead.”</p><p>“Aw!” John shuts his eyes and cheers, “it's like we have a buddy system!” </p><p>“Come on, Karkat!” John snatches up kk's hand as he sings, <em>“take my haaaand!”</em></p><p>Karkat sighs and walks ahead with John in hand. </p><p>You fix up your lace as you look up at Dave. Right away you ask, “you think John’s onto something?”</p><p>He mumbles out a sentence like it’s one word, “whatdoyeahmean?” </p><p>You can't believe you have to explain. “John’s acting like he’s gearing up to prank u-"</p><p>“Oh… that.” Dave sips in a breath and lets it out with a “ah.” TG places his hands on his hips. Dave shuts his eyes, looks down and shakes his head. “He’s just testing us.”</p><p>You ask him to elaborate in the most eloquent way you can, “huh?”</p><p>“He wants to see how far he can get with all of us before it’s <em>too far.” </em>Dave seems more than annoyed at those last two words.</p><p>“So… he’s testing the <em>gay </em>waters?” You ask Dave to clarify for you.</p><p>“Yeah.” Dave nods.</p><p>“Oh… well…” You finish up tying your shoe and stand up again. “I’ll try to keep everything between us friendly.”</p><p>Once you straighten yourself out, you see the look Dave's giving you. It's a confused glace. He takes a moment before he asks, "why wouldn't you?"</p><p>“Uh… cause John’s kinda pushy about cuddling and kissing all of us?” You shrug. “So… I might tell him to stop.”</p><p>“No. Then he’s gonna figure out it’s not you sending the messages, and the more names on his list of suspects, the more that covers me up.” Dave’s got a point there. "Just let him do all his usual things."</p><p>“Yeah…” You suck in air through your teeth and then say, “but he’s gonna push for more eventually. What should I do then?”</p><p>“Do what I’d do, do what Karkat just did.” Dave tells you to, “just say no" like it's that easy.</p><p>“So…" You can't hide your disappointment. "If he offers to make me a dessert? I have to say no?”</p><p>“I don’t know..." Dave sighs, "ugh... use context clues. If it sounds like an offer for a date or an invite for something sexual-”</p><p>“Everything he says sounds sexual now!" You pat your hand on to your chest. "did you hear the way he said <em>lemon bars? </em>What is that even a reference to?”</p><p>“I don’t know..." Daves pinching the skin between his two brows now. He gives you your answer, "your two dicks?”</p><p>“DUUU-HUH-HUH-UUDE!” You keep laughing and snickering. You didn’t even think of that shit and you usually don’t shut up about <em>your two dicks</em>. You chant out a hollar of a laugh and then shake your head, “dude, I cannot wait to hear what John’s dessert-based reference to your dick is!” </p><p>You can feel Dave’s glare from behind his shades. “Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>Dave starts walking ahead. You walk to catch up. You give Dave a few more moments of silence before you confess, </p><p>“I really hope it’s some long ass white-chocolate covered banana.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Karkat the first to make it through the front door. Going on a walk seemed fun at first, but the heat got old quick. You'd give it a three-star review. John's coming up behind you and forcing you through the door and into the air-conditioned room. You all sigh once you're in, well everyone but Strider. Dave just lets out a loud yawn and smacks his mouth together. He's completely unmoved. You've lived in this state your whole life, and you can't stand the fucking heat. Dave on the other hand, he's completely fine with it feeling like it's in the hundreds. John did tell you <em>more than a few times</em> that Dave and Dirk are from Houston. John and Dave already snuck past you and trudged up the stairs. You and Karkat are still busy kicking off your shoes and yawning together. You're not as athletic and spry as TG and EB are. </p><p>God. You are so ready to go up the stairs yourself and get some water, no. You're going to take an ice-cold shower. Nothing would feel better than that right now, not even head. Karkat steps through the small hall and then... he's turning into the office? </p><p>“What?" You ask. "You’re going back to GTA?” </p><p>Karkat doesn't even look at you, he just huffs, “I’VE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF LONG ENOUGH.” </p><p>“Damn." You yawn. "I just wanna chill out and take a shower after all that heat, but you do you.” You were gonna say more about how you wanna take another nap and you'll let Karkat just work himself to death cause you're too tired to intrefere, but Karkat has some choice words for you now. </p><p>“YOU MAKE THAT SOUND LIKE YOU’RE GIVING UP ON ME HERE.” Karkat shouts at you, “COME ON, CAPTOR. DAVE AND I NEED YOU IF WE’RE GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.”</p><p>“Yeah… but don’t you wanna take a shower or something first?” You point out, “come on, man. You reek.”</p><p>“UGH! FINE! LET’S JUST WASTE MORE TIME.” Karkat tosses up his hands as he walks out of your room. </p><p>“Waste time on showering?” You raise your brows and laugh.</p><p>Karkat walks past you and up the stairs. You follow behind. The moment Karkat makes it up John gasps.</p><p>"Oh, cutie!" John sounds so astonished that Karkat's actually on the second floor when half the walk over he's been blabbing on about your RP. John's eyes light up the moment you walk up the steps and spot him. "Plus my sweetheart! <em>Awwww,</em> my two babies are upstairs so early in the day! Look at that, I haven't even started dinner yet for you!" </p><p>"WHAT DO YOU CALL WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW THEN?"</p><p>Karkat points out that John's in the kitchen, sorting out bowls and getting out ingredients.</p><p>John claims it's "pre-dinner prep." </p><p>"Fair enough." You nod. </p><p>Right when you're about to walk off and over to the other staircase, John starts explaining, "I mean, I did just get in! And I'm still picking out what I should make today. I was thinking curry, but I don't have any potatoes right now, and I know that you boys like curry best with potatoes. I could make more fried rice I guess, but I don't wanna make something I just did."</p><p>"Whatever you make, John." You lazily lift up a hand in John's direction, "I'm sure it will be fine."</p><p>"Aw, you're so sweet." John covers his hand with his heart. "I really should go food shopping though, but I'm so tired after that walk in the heat... I'll just make fried rice again and make you something special tomorrow. Plus, I'm still making those garlic knots for you all!" </p><p>"RIGHT. SO WE'RE GOOD HERE." Karkat nods. He starts making a move to walk off again, but you already know Egbert's got something else he wants to say. You can see if from the look in his eyes and since he always cooks for you two, you can't say shit. You've gotta listen. Pay him in -at the very least- respect.</p><p>John happily sings with a spatula in hand, "I was thinking we could play a game after dinner! As a family!"</p><p>You aren't going to argue against him when he's got that torcher device in his hands. "I'm down to play Jack Box." You even suggest for kk, "we can stream it too."</p><p>“HOW? JOHN DOESN’T HAVE ANY EQUIPMENT.” Karkat gives you a look like you're a fuckin' moron.</p><p>You laugh and point your thumb over at the vicinity your room is in. “I have some old shit, I can set it up in his room.” </p><p>John hums, questioning the offer. “Oh… I don’t know… I probably won’t even use it that often." John's eyes suddenly light up. "Maybe I can just squish up to you, Sollux! We can play in the same frame and you can make little jokes about me being your boyfriend!" </p><p>"WE CAN FIGURE IT OUT LATER." Karkat moves on ahead of you. "WE BOTH NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER."</p><p>"Together?" John jokes. "I'll join!"</p><p>You bite down on your bottom lip to keep yourself from laughing. You fucking think this shit is hilarious, but Dave probably doesn't want you encouraging John like this and Karkat is going to get on your case if you laugh at the idea of showering with two <em>smoking hot twinks. </em>You just walk on ahead, following behind Karkat. You'll probably hang out on the couch till it's your turn to shower. Before Karkat even makes it to the bottom of the staircase, Dave pops his head out, “John, is it cool if I use your shower?”</p><p>“What?" You ask, "why not use your own?” </p><p>“Cause…" Dave pauses for a moment. "...there’s a bug in mine and I’m afraid of it.”</p><p>You smack your lips together and then take in a deep sigh. “I can see what John sees in you.”</p><p>You hear a loud, long snicker behind you. John snorts again and then rushes over to the three of you. “Of course you can use my shower, cutiebaby. You never have to ask.”<em> 'Especially seeing that Daves paying John’s rent now. He shouldn't have to ask.'</em></p><p>Karkat's shouting about how Dave needs to wait his turn and he's sweating his balls off. "MY BALLS ARE ACTUALLY FUCKING MELTING RIGHT NOW." God, yours are too. "I WANT TO TAKE AN ICE-COLD SHOWER TILL ICICLES FORM ON MY ASSHOLE." You fucking want that too. But, you don't want to take part in the upcoming debate about who gets to use the shower first. You come up with an alternative.</p><p>You hum for a second. You turn to Dave and ask him, “if I kill the bug, can I use <em>your </em>shower?”</p><p>“Yes.” Dave’s a bit too quick to answer.</p><p>You chuckle. How can the guy that looks the manliest out of all four of you, be the biggest coward. Ah well, if John was afraid of a bug, Dave would be first in line to kill it.</p><p>“Noooo.” John whines. He playfully grabs onto your wrist with both hands and gently tugs you, “don’t kill it! Just put it in a cup and let it go outside!”</p><p>You give John a smile, you nod at him.</p><p>“No prob.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Dave was scared of a little grasshopper that somehow found its way in through his window that he always leaves open. He doesn't get that even though it has a screen, bugs can still crawl in underneath it. You grabbed the little guy and guided the thing to the small corner it must have entered through. It jumped onto the shingled roof and well, that's out of your hands now. Welp. Time for that shower.</p><p>You look around the place. It's cleaner than you thought it would be, probably because John likes to use his tub. Damn. Dave's a lucky guy, having his crush legit soaking in his tub. Bet he beats his meat to the thought.</p><p>
  <strong>DAMN IT. </strong>
</p><p>You're supposed to stop thinking like this. It's too invasive. Yeah... right now, you're just a dude in your friend's bathroom. Going to shower in the same room that your other roommate has bathed. They've both been naked in here. You're stripping right now. You're naked... right now. Karkat's been naked in here before too... there's nothing up here. Bathrooms are where people bathe. It's normal. This is normal.  </p><p>. . . </p><p>You don't understand why it was so hard to get through that. All you know is that you're never gonna shower in there again. Especially seeing that once you stepped out of the shower, you fell for a prank laid out for Dave.</p><p>Once you came downstairs, John snorted. He could tell you fell for that little trap that he planted for Dave to find. He's asking you now, "did you get goop all over you?!" John placed hair gel all over one of Dave's towels and you got it all over your hand. You look up at the ceiling like you're annoyed, but you can't help but smile. John just looks so happy. You nod once and John's voice jumps up three octaves, "YOU DID!"</p><p>He must be feeling better in general if he laid out a trap this morning for Dave to find. You know that he's still probably stressed about walking out of work, but you're happy to take his mind off of things... and it seems that you have. John just noticed that you're only wearing a towel around your waist.</p><p>John's staring at you with the same blank stare that a deer has when it's looking into headlights. John's eyes are tracing your face and down to your chest. You feel like covering up. You kinda don't want your roommate checking out your chest hair. Which is made even worse cause Dave's sitting on the couch to your left. Dave looks up from his phone, and oh great, over to you. You give him an awkward shrug and a stressed, contorted smile. You're telling him you can't do anything to stop this. John's just gonna do John. </p><p>Daves kind enough to take John's attention off of you. He asks, "did you kill it?"</p><p>"No." You shake your head as you hold onto the towel around your hips. "I showed it how to crawl under your screen."</p><p>"Oh no! You showed it how to get in and out!?" John jokes, "what if it comes back?" He's giving you a sly smile.</p><p>Dave scoffs, "don't even joke about that." Dave turns and focuses on his phone again. He mutters, "you're freaking me out."</p><p>John's humming out a few malicious giggles. He really is in a pranking mode. Maybe Dave read him wrong earlier.</p><p>Eh. If Echo is laying pranks out and poking fun of Dave, then the guy 's fine. You're happy that Johns doing better in general. You hope that he keeps his mind off of work, he's rolling up garlic dough now so that will keep his mind focused on nicer thoughts.</p><p>You step around John and into the kitchen. First thing you do is grab a glass. You're still thirsty. </p><p>You hold onto your glass and you press it to the fridge's door. As ice falls into your glass, you look over at John. Your heart sinks and crashes into the bottom of your gut, just like the ice in your glass.</p><p>John bites the side of his bottom lip. He's looking down right at... where your crotch is.</p><p>Now you're the one looking at John like you're a deer in the headlights.</p><p>Maybe Dave read John right during the walk... maybe John is just testing all of you. <em>Testing the gay waters.</em></p><p>You grab onto your towel and start pulling it up to cover up your belly.</p><p>John giggles, covers up his smile and then snorts.</p><p>You can hear stomping coming from the staircase, looks like Karkats done using the shower. The kitchen's wall has a large hole in it, allowing you to look into the living room. You can see Karkat coming down the steps, gross, he's wearing the same clothes he walked through the heat in. When John sees your reaction, he turns his head around and looks through the hole. </p><p>"Ah!" John grabs a spatula and lifts it up. He points it over at Karkat and shouts, "you go change into clean clothes, stinky!"</p><p>"UGH! FINE." Karkat lifts up his hand and walks past the kitchen. For some reason he's walking downstairs.</p><p>"Wait... you planning on wearing my clothes?" You ask Karkat as he stomps down to your room.</p><p>He shouts at you, "YOU STOLE MY HOODIE WEEKS AGO, I'M TAKING IT BACK."</p><p>"You stealing his pants too!?" John playfully shouts over at the staircase.</p><p><em>'And do what?'  </em>You ask internally, <em>'go commando?'</em></p><p>Karkat is fully down the stairs now. Eh. Fuck it. He's probably going down grabbing his shit and coming back up.</p><p>You turn to John. He's not looking at you now, he's staring at the staircase leading down to the bottom floor with a pout on his face. For some reason, you get the feeling John's only pouting because Karkat isn't shirtless.</p><p>You take in a breath and roll your eyes. If John's hoping for the day to come where Karkat goes shirtless, he's never gonna see it. You've never told Dave or John that, but Karkat confessed to you once over drinks he's really self-conscious about his body. That's why he's always wearing baggy jeans and overly large sweaters. He doesn't like clothes shopping either, so he doesn't have that many hoodies, that's probably why he needs the one you borrowed. </p><p>You pat John on the back, he's still pouting at the staircase. You walk past him and down the steps. Karkat might need to go through your shit, but you need to get dressed before John starts checking you out again. If kk's gonna yell at you for getting dressed in front of him, he can get out of your room. But, before you even reach the bottom of the steps, Karkat walks out of your room... wearing his old hoodie, and your pants. </p><p>You stare at him as he walks past you with his dirty landrying in his hands, he doesn't even give you a passing glance. You're not gonna stop him, you're too tired to care. If he's gonna head upstairs, then you're gonna just chill and maybe take a na-</p><p>"Sollux!" John calls down to you, "get dressed, honey! Karkat wants you to help him set up some recording stuff in my room!"</p><p>You sigh and smile. Never a moment of rest here.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You got dressed in some sweatpants and an old worn out Super Nintendo shirt. You're wearing mismatched slippers and walking up the steps with your old recording equipment stacked up in your arms. You sigh, you didn't have the balls to go commando, you're not strong in that way. </p><p>You walk into the kitchen, everything in hand. Karkat's still waiting in the kitchen, looks like John hardly got anything done. He's teasing Karkat and playing around with him. kk's arms are crossed. Egbert's poking Vantas with both his fingers, "you know any games where the two of us can be a team?!" "NOT IN JACKBOX." "Well, we can still team up on Sollux together." Karkat narrows his eyes at John, then he looks over at you. Karkat uncrosses his arms as he walks on and tells you, "COME ON. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH." He stops walking to turn around and make sure you know, "WE'RE ONLY PLAYING A FEW ROUNDS AFTER DINNER AND WE <strong>ARE </strong>STREAMING IT."</p><p>"No problem." You nod as you walk over to the other staircase. You know how important streaming is to kk. But, shit. If he's taking time out of GTA for John, then he's probably worried about him. Yeah. You guess John is the kind of guy that stresses out about work related shit. He just can't shut his mind off about that kind of thing unless he's cooking or with friends. Karkat's probably planning on entertaining John till Echo's tried enough to go to bed. </p><p>You smile as you walk up the next set of stairs with kk at your side. </p><p>. . .</p><p>"NO, YOU DUMBFUCK." Karkat's holding up two wires, you are holding onto them too.</p><p>You yell back at him, "I thought you wanted me to grab both!"</p><p>Karkat's groaning now. He's annoyed with you</p><p>"AREN'T YOU THE ONE THAT BUILDS COMPUTERS FOR OUR FRIENDS AS A FUCKIN' HOBBY?: Karkat rips one of the wires out from your hand. He's shaking one of the black wires in front of your face. "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS FUCKING THING IS FOR HEADPHONES?"</p><p>"You handed me both, you didn't say anything about what the wires we-"</p><p>"JUST FUCKING TAKE THIS!" You groan as Karkat shouts at you "-AND GIVE ME THIS ONE BACK!"</p><p>This would be easier if Karkat wasn't helping you. You hardly got anything done. And all of a sudden, you hear more shouting. Your first instinct is to turn to kk and give him a look. Then, after you stare at him, it clicks in your head that the noise is coming from downstairs.</p><p>You both exchange a look, not another second passes before you're both up and running out of the room. You both rush, arm to arm, down the stairs. You find John holding his phone up to his head. He's being guided by Dave to take in calming breaths. Honestly, it looks like Johns not the one that needs the coaching right now. </p><p>John sighs at what the person on the other line is saying. He's shaking his head now, “no- no amount of money you can offer me is gonna make it worth it. You just acted like all my complains leading up to this weren’t even-”</p><p>"-no?! I-why would I?" John tosses up his hand. He's listening to the other guy on the phone. Dave looks like he wants to say something, but John just lifted up his hand and did that handwave mom's do when they don't want their babies to interrupt their phone call. </p><p>"I don't need this! I do <strong>not </strong>freaking need this right now." John is starting to pace back and forth. He stops to shout, <strong><em>“Cool down?!</em></strong> And what? Come back!?<em><strong> Why!?</strong> </em>Because everyone you schedule me with is unable to do their jobs! Because you want me to be a <em>babysitter?!"</em></p><p>"No! I can't! Even if I wanted to!" John covers up the phone and lets out a groan. He uncovers it and sighs, "I'm cooking, I've got something on the stove." </p><p><strong>“Oh. What."</strong> John has a darker tone now, <strong>"is good staff hard to come by? Then why treat me like dirt</strong> and let people who don’t work as hard get off the hook? Why am <em>I</em> held to such a high standard?!”</p><p>John's face drops. All of the emotion on his face just washes off. Dripping with apathy.</p><p>John mutters out, "i... di-” Doesn't look like he has the energy to continue his train of thought. Something the guy on the other line said must have gotten to him.</p><p>“I’m not coming in. Not anymore." John's shaking his head now. "-no. no no no. I am not dealing with this, I don’t have to deal with this.”</p><p>John sighs. He just completely resets, his tone is now completely professional. Tired, but professional, “No. I can't come in. My apologies. Please consider this me putting in my two weeks.”</p><p>“You’d do good to listen to what I tell you." John hangs up.</p><p>He sips in a deep sigh. You watch as Egbert lowers his arms and holds onto himself. </p><p>Dave, on instinct wraps his arms around John. John slips his phone into his own back pocket and then slowly, he moves his arms up and around Dave's hips. Dave lightly mutters out some words, to light for you to even hear.</p><p>John mutters, "I am."</p><p>Dave parts away from John, he wants to gauge John's face. Dave's own face is completely tinted a blood-red hue. There's a slight hesitation in Dave's voice as he asks, "why are you angry?"</p><p>John doesn't answer.</p><p>You take a step forward.</p><p>You can hear Karkat shift besides you.</p><p>Red rises up past Dave's cheeks and across his ears. He asks again in another way, "what did he say to you?"</p><p>John lingers. He takes longer than a moment to speak. You wait with the others as you surround John and his emotions. You step to John's side. Karkat takes one step forward, but basically stays where he is. You form a circle around him. He must feel caged in. There's no escape.</p><p>"I..." John swallows down his words. He hardly has the courage to speak. John drinks in a breath through his nose. He shakes his head and looks down at the hardwood floor beneath where you are standing. "I... I can't tell if he made some joke about me being asian or... Puerto Rican... I just... I just don't have the energy to deal with this right now."</p><p>"GOD." Karkat is clutching at his own arms. He's trying to look calmer than he actually is. The ploy doesn't work. John sees his rage. John starts rubbing Karkat's arm, telling him wordlessly that it is alright. You want to speak up, break the silence. But you can't muster the courage. Karkat isn't restricted by whatever weakness is holding you back. His voice is lighter than usual, but still vibrating through the room with vibrato, "YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE'S STUPID SHIT CONSTANTLY, WHILE YOU'RE THE ONE CARRYING THEIR WEIGHT..."</p><p>John shakes his head. "Not all of it." He denies the claim. “Come on, some people I work with are cool. And there’s so many people I know that are awesome! See, you three, you’re all great and I-” John continues on, as he speaks you can hear this hint of a dry throat. Like he’s struggling, he’s in pain but he doesn’t want to show it. </p><p>You feel like asking something echoing in your head <em>"what did he sa-" </em>you stop yourself. John doesn't need to say. He doesn't need to explain. He looks like he doesn't want to, but you want to always give him the chance to tell you if anything is bugging him, always give him the opportunity to tell you however he feels whenever he feels like saying anything. You can tell from the way John's eyes are shifting whenever they rest on yours or Karkat's gaze or Dave's shades, that he doesn't want to be asked what he was just told. You gather together the strength to speak as openly as your best friend. "You don't have to tell us anything about what he said... maybe just... come here..."</p><p>You open up your arms. John looks at you, his eyes flickering, like tiny blue sparks coming off a lighter. John presses two of his hands to his heart, he looks up at you as you take a step forward and pull Dave and John into you. John rests his forehead onto the space under your pecs. He takes in a deep breath and says, "thanks" in a tone that you can just tell carries all of his gratitude. Your eyes widen. Dave is wrapping one of his arms around you. You surprise melts into a simple smile, the feeling is bittersweet like, cool dark chocolate. Karkat takes a few more lingering moments before he walks into your group hug, he joins in your family circle and the bitter part of sweet melts away. You hear John sigh and then let out a laugh. The frustration in his throat turns to a joyful laugh. He lets out a groan and then wraps his arms around all three of you. He groans like a bear as he chants, "I love you guys."</p><p>"I'm sorry someone just said some stupid ass shit to you, man." You know how it can be. You remind him, "I love you."</p><p>"YEAH." Karkat's patting John's back with one of his hands. "YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT SHIT." He gets how it can be too, there is no hesitation or resistance or regret in his voice when he states, "I LOVE YOU, JOHN. WE ALL LOVE YOU." That's right. You all do. So, of course, for a moment it's strange one of you is silent. Then it dawns on you, Dave's palms are sweating so profusely that his hand is sticking to the back of your shirt. You look away from John and over at Dave. His face is just as red hot as before, but now he looks like there's a tint of almost green or blue, you're not sure, you just know he looks sick. Before thinking you ask, "Dave, are you okay?" you draw attention to him. </p><p>John's head shoots up. His glasses jump a bit up from the force and land on his nose where they were before. John takes both of his hands back and places his palms onto Dave's cheeks, "oh... oh... darling." Dave doesn't respond. John mutters, "sweetheart. I'm fine. Don't get so worked up over something some idiot said."</p><p>Dave's voice quakes with traces of anger. "Did he ever say anything else like this to you?" The words sound so steady, so monotone, but little breaths between each word tell you there's rage behind those words. It's like seeing the red-orange heat of lava peek out from all of the black ooze as it glides across the Earth like a wave. <em>"Did he ever say anything else like this to you?" </em>You bet John can hear hear this is Dave holding himself together, John told you that as kids Back in high school, Dave would get into fights with guys that wanted to bully Egbert. There’s no doubt in your mind that Dave's gonna beat this fucking dude black and blue. You trust that John's not going to let it come to that though.</p><p>"Maybe..." John hums. "I think he said something about... well, I don't remember." He probably does, he just doesn't want to say it. "I always figured he was rude or... something. I guess... I have a pretty decent reason to quit now. I guess one good thing came out of this." John smiles up at Dave. Your arms are still wrapped around the two of them. You didn't even notice that Dave's hand had at some point slipped down to your waist. He's gripping you tighter now. John confesses, “I never liked working with half those guys too! No one really tries to work or help each other! I swear- kids these days! Oh well! Now I have time to make that fish strew recipe I found!” Dave can't help but smile at seeing how John's beaming at him now. Echo seems more than happy to quit, more than happy to stay here. Dave shakes his head, "you're too optimistic sometimes, you know that?"</p><p>"I know." John's words drip with pride and solace. "One of us has to be." </p><p>. . .</p><p>Dave didn't want to let go, you all made some silent pack to stay put until Dave is calm again. You’re sure John would kill you if you let go too early. You all live, breathe and die by John's rules. Number one is that 'family always comes first...' that or no wearing shoes on carpet. John hums and sings a small song. He suddenly laughs, almost like he could read your thoughts. His voice is soothing, probably to all of you. Even the unshakeable Vantas. You look down at John as he rests his head on Dave's chest. Karkat is resting his cheek down on John's shoulder. His eyes shut. Vantas must have felt your eyes on him, because he looks up at you. Pupils of his eyes almost black, they are so dark in hue. The whites of his eyes are amplified from the dark hue of his skin. His look is almost questioning, <em>almost</em>. He's not saying anything, not with his lips and not with his expression. He shuts his eyes again. He returns to listing to John’s song.</p><p>Something about John's voice is moving, no... more like soothing. Like the waves, he rocks you back and forth with his tune. Dave must be completely wrapped up in the emotion of it all. After that call, he turned redder than he does when he goes to the beach. He needs time to calm his mind, but you're not sure if this is helping. After all, John is doing everything in his power to accidently seduce Dave right now. Strider is under the spell of the old Egbert charm. If any of the girls were here in this circle, they would be giggling and bursting over with joy right about now. It's a lot to handle if you're into Echo, good thing your minds more on Starcraft than anything else at the moment. Ha. Nah, you don't think you could ever find love in another place than where your hearts settled right now. You don't want to either. Really makes you think. Hmm... maybe this is a sign, maybe the next girl that asks you for a date you should decline. You usually say yes but, you've got a lot on your plate and you don't really wanna do the whole hang out, get drunk, cry about your feelings kind of deal right now. To be honest though, dating Nepeta was well worth her vomiting in your trashcan twice- you hear a thick breath slowly pull in from someone's nose, and quickly out. You open your shut eyes again. Karkats getting tired of standing around and your mind is drifting off to other places. Maybe you should end this soon.</p><p>Then, you hear someone sniffing the air. It’s Dave, and he’s completely right. There’s something burning in the kitchen, John shuffles out of your hug and then runs to the oven like it's imperative that he grabs the garlic knots out of there ASAP. He seems panicked, like these garlic knots are the most important thing in the world. And... Of course they are.<em>They are Dave's favorite. </em></p><p>John hurries along and tends to the over. He mutters out, "damn it. I forgot to flip em.”</p><p>Dave's the first to say. "It's okay, man. They are still going to be just as g-" You and Karkat talk over him, "It's no problem at all." "IT'S FINE."</p><p>John lifts his tray and his head up. He's looking at you three now, "they are a bit burnt on the bottom... but you're right... they're <em>okay."</em> You can see his large robin's egg colored mittens. He looks so proud to have something made for the three of you. Then it dawns on him how he hasn't gotten any other thing for dinner started. He looks like his world is crashing down. You're the first to offer, "how about we celebrate you quitting your job by going upstairs, watching a romance film, and getting pizza?"</p><p>"I'm down." Dave turns away and heads to his room, "I'm gonna go in your room and get some extra pillows."</p><p>You joke, <em>"sleep over."</em></p><p>Karkat sips in a deep sigh through his nose again, you know that he wants to work on his RP but if he's dating Nepeta in game, he's got nothing to worry about. She's got more money and weapons piled up than she knows what to do with. You pat his back and tell him, "go on upstairs with Dave, I'll help John." Karkat elbows you a bit, "YOU GO UPSTAIRS, I'VE GOT THIS."</p><p>You part open your lips, you audibly sigh. If he says he'll take this, then he's not going to let up unless you let him have this. Karkat can help John here, you guess you've got the much harder job of making sure that Dave doesn't go fuckin' nuts.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Dave's insane and you're insane for thinking you could stop him. He grabbed every single pillow upstairs and every blanket. Then, pilled it all on his own bed and he's still trying to head down to the living room to grab more. "I just want to make sure John is comfortable." He's explaining to you as he lays down a towel on top of it all of the blankets. You think it's there so you can use it as a napkin when the pizza comes.</p><p>"Okay, comfortable is one thing... but this isn't an Egbert tomb, it's a fucking sarcophagus. We'll die under there from the weight... or the heat."You're trying to put a stop to this, but you're not getting through. </p><p>"It's not about us." Dave is still fixing up the pillows. Getting his bed to look all primp and pretty. Tending to everything like a bird fixing up a love nest for his mate. Dave's having you pick up off of his extra clothes off of the floor and shoving it into his walk-in closet. He's hosting your best clothes in here too, you wish he'd keep it a bit more clean. He's keeping the bathroom spotless though, for whenever <em>John </em>wants to use it. He's going to be working himself to death today trying to make everything perfect for John. He's giving John his inheritance too! God. They are pretty much already engaged, when these next two weeks are up, you expect them to have a wedding. Fuck. At this rate, John's going to peer right past his little secret lover's anonymous disguise. You and Karkat go out of your way for John sure, but Dave is going full blown nuts. He's going back into John's room and you can hear clothing hangers bumping into each other. Dave grabs something and comes back in, a long blue robe in hand along with fluffy blue slippers. You can hear two pairs of feet stomping up the steps. Dave makes a face like he's fucked for no reason. You don't know what he'd be missing.</p><p>There's everything in here. Dave took a few things of redbull out of his mini-fridge, he's pulled out a brand new pair of red fuzzy socks that he must have gotten as a gift. He's pulling out every bottle of lotion he has and half of them are made from honey. Fuck, is he trying to seduce John with all of this? Or you? Oh wait, he dragged out John's huge ass slimer plush he got him last Christmas. Yep, this is for John. There's a heat pack incase John wants to use it later too, you doubt Dave would get up and make one for you if you asked. Well if he doesn't want to seduce you, he's missing out. Heh. Two weeks with you is something 9 out of 10 girls in your friend group would recommend. </p><p>John finishes coming up the steps, garlic knots and a large glass of apple juice in hand.</p><p>"What did you order?" John sweetly asks.</p><p>"I was waiting for you to come up here so I can order the pizza." Dave explains with a frog in his throat.</p><p>Strider's eyeing the droplets on condensation drip from the glass. John's slender, tan fingers getting soaked from the water. Shit. John hardly even tried and he seduced Dave more than <em>anyone </em>could ever hope to seduce another human being. Daves actually salivating. Looking over at John, he seems thrilled with the sight of Dave's bed.</p><p>"Oh my god!" Johns looking around the room. "Look at all of this! You did <strong>this</strong> for <strong><em>me!?</em> </strong>You are the best, Dave!"</p><p>"Well... Sollux helped."</p><p>"Aw! Thank you too, my little honeybee!" John's covering up his heart. He looks like he's more than happy you helped. Something about that look in his eyes is too <em>friendly </em>for your liking. </p><p>"Dave probably had you struggling like a little worker bee! I bet he did! Awwww! And my robe! And Dave! You never opened that stocking stuffer I got you... AW!" John holds up the book that was on his nightstand. Oh shit. You forgot, on the days that are the longest, John asks Dave to read his books to him when he can't keep his eyes open. "Aw! Dave!" John places the plate down on the very end of the bed, away from all the pillows. He walks over to Dave with that glass of AJ in his hands. John lifts himself up by the balls of his feet and places kisses all over Dave's cheeks and chin. </p><p>Karkats still lingering in the doorway. You look over at Vantas. His arms are crossed and he's looking up at you now. He's got a look that is trying to say <em>get a load of this shit, </em>but he's smiling with his eyes. You can't help it. You've been stressed all day and seeing your roommates together like this, it just puts everything in perspective. A smile finds its way across your face. You start laughing and waving for Karkat to come over and join in another group hug.</p><p>Karkat narrows his eyes, the skin around his nose pulls and wrinkles. John invites him over to. You grip onto Dave's waist this time. You guide Karkat into your other arm as Dave grabs onto John and his glass. Karkat joins in and pats John's back as you pat his. </p><p>"Aw! Guys! I love this family!" John leans over and he places a big kiss on the side of Karkat's forehead. "My babies are all so sweet to me! I love you three so much!"</p><p>You all mutter your <em>I love you toos </em>as incoherently as possible. Daves gonna need a moment to cool down, so you pick up the garlic knot plate off the end of the bed, sit down and shrug. The rest of your roommates sit down on the edge besides you. Picking at the plate and Karkat starts up a conversation about a documentary he watched probably only five minutes of but now he wants to prove what an expert he is about hummingbirds and their sugar highs. John pecks Karkat's nose with his lips, he mutters "sounds like you, you're nuts for sweet things!”</p><p>Your eyes focus on John's hand. He placed it right on Karkat's knee, Dave's probably more focused on the hand that's reaching for another garlic knot. Damn, this is bad. John just gave you a look like his heart was crying Captor a few hours ago when you hugged him and now he's flirting with your man. What the fuck. You need to get Dave to up his game before Egbert tries taking these tests further. You turn to face Dave. Thank fucking God he's a messy eater. His face is covered in crumbs.</p><p>You comment, "Dave, you're gonna get crumbs all over yourself."</p><p>"Huh!?" You just activated John's <em>mom mode. </em>"Aw! Baby!" </p><p>John stands up and walks over to where Dave is sitting. He reaches past him and grabs the towel near the pillows Dave placed there only moments ago. John starts wiping down Dave's face. "You're always such a messy eater! What am I going to do with you!?"</p><p>
  <em>'Marry him. That's what.'</em>
</p><p>. . .</p><p>The moment you all finished the plate, John tried to leave the room to wash the plate. He forgot it's his day, and thank God, Dave's the one putting his foot down today. John will listen if Dave says <em>calm down. </em></p><p>John huffed and blew up his cheeks, but Dave just set the plate on his desk and said, "it's your day. You go get comfortable and we'll do the dishes later."</p><p>You all sat around Dave's bed as you watched John hum to himself as he put on Dave's red fuzzy socks. He rubbed his cheeks and his arms with lotion and had all of you smell the back of his hand. It all seemed so innocent and sweet, till John got the thought in his head to offer to rub you guys down with lotion. Ugh! You could go for a backrub! But you fucking can't give him any leeway. But... a backrub isn't bad. It's not even that romantic, it's more like work than anything else. Maybe Dave can budge on just a few things... in the future. You're not gonna test Dave's patience right now, if he's in <em>Egbert protection mode </em>you're dead fuckin' meat if you set off any alarms. He's a security guard and it's black friday! He's on high alert!</p><p>Now John is just singing to himself some Shaggy song and putting something called a <em>mask </em>into his hair. "Oh boy, I love you so! Nevereverever gonna let you go! Once I- hey... wait! Weren't we supposed to order pizzy?!"</p><p>"Waiting on you." A faint hint of a smile is placed on Dave's stoic face. </p><p>"I want anchovy and olive!" John points up his finger and shouts, "make it a medium! I know I'm the only one who eats that crap! Oh! And extra thick crust!" </p><p>"No prob." Dave starts dragging his phone out of his PJ's pocket.</p><p>"I'll pay." You offer him. "I wanna get that goat cheese pizza from that place."</p><p>"Oh!" John smiles "The one that serves honey next to all the fizzy drinks! We haven't been there in forever! And... I didn't know that they did delivery." </p><p>"They do now." You tell the group.</p><p>"Oh, is it like Ubereats?" Dave shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "That system is so fucked. If you really want it, I'll drive over-" You interrupt him.</p><p>"No, they actually have delivery and shit, man. I wouldn't say delivery if it wasn't legit. I'd just say digiorno." You go on, "they have their own little truck now and everything. Eridans the one who posted something about it like five months back, am I the only one that reads his 2am posts?" God. You feel like shit now.</p><p>John starts bubbling over with giggles. You turn to see what he's laughing at... he's staring at you. He's clutching onto your arm now and giving it a little tug. "You're so sweet sometimes. And, gee I can't believe you can recall all of that!" John actually seems impressed with your memory. You give him a hesitant smile as he giggles and says, "you're so smart."</p><p>John places a kiss on your cheek and then shits up. "I'll grab my phone and order-"</p><p>"Oh yeah, you do do delivery, cool." Dave says into his phone, "I'd like to place an order then."</p><p>Dave orders up every little thing he can think of in his head that he can get from a pizza place. Wings, garlic knots, garlic sticks, and now he's just going "uhhhh... what do I want? Uh... another order of wings, spiciest you have."</p><p>You shake your head as a laugh escapes your nose. Dave looks at you, he asks,</p><p>"You want something to drink."</p><p>"I'm good." You shrug. You've got your redbull, you're set.</p><p>Karkat lifts up a finger and shouts, "COKE."</p><p>Dave nods. "Large coke."</p><p>"Karkat!" John shouts at him, "drink what we have at home!"</p><p>Dave covers his mic with his palm, "It's cool-"</p><p>"No no!" Johns looking at Dave now, "It's just sugar and bubbles anyway!" John looks back at Karkat and yells, "you were just sick, I want you drinking redbull if anything! You need the vitamins!"</p><p>"UGH." Karkats laying down on the bed now, scrolling through Roku with Dave's remote. He lifts up his free hand and blows John off. Dave mutters into the phone, "yo, you got apple juice? Yeah, It's fine if it's in a box."</p><p>. . .</p><p>You're all laying down, legs tangled together. Dave's on one end, you're on the other. Just like always Dave gets to cuddle with John.</p><p>The chick in the movie you're all watching just lost her phone to a hawk, you lost track of what's going on but she's trying to sacrifice a small dog for the phone and John is losing his shit. "Haha! HAHAHA!" A slice of pizza is slipping onto your forearm. John dropped it and it somehow flung over Karkat and onto you. John doesn't even care, he doesn't miss the slice. You just pick it up and start putting mustard onto the half of the slice that's left. John's holding onto Dave's now, crying into his chest tears of laughter. Daves smiling brighter than the fucking light emitting from Karkat's phone. Vantas is still trying to watch livestreams from Dirk to keep up with him. Whenever John notices karkats looking at his screen, John swats the phone away. It's only a minute before Ecto shouts at him again. You guide Karkat to turn to face you. Karkat doesn't fight you, he's to transfixed by the phone. You're gonna use this as a chance to get more cuddles in. </p><p>You scarf down your slice and then you lay down onto your back and try to shove some of the blankets off of you and more over to Karkat's side. He huffs at you for doing so, so you stop. You carefully lift up your hand, slip it under all the sheets... and carefully... carefully, you tap your fingers against where his stomach is... slowly, you rub your palm against his side. YES! You're hugging him! Karkat shoots his eyes up at you. Raging fire. You give him back a bit of a shocked expression. You pull him closer to you. Karkat looks twice as pissed off now. You smile. John's laugher is still echoing in the background of you silent conversation, until it becomes... well, not silent. "DON'T YOU FUCKING GROPE ME!"</p><p>"I'm not feeling you up!" You yell back, "I'm <em>trying </em>to do what John wants us to do!"</p><p>"I AM <strong>NOT </strong>FUCKING CUDDLING WITH YOU EITHER!" He shouts right in your face. God, his breath reeks of garlic. </p><p>"Too bad!" John lifts up a hand and gently smacks it onto the top of Karkat's head. "It's my night! I say we all cuddle!"</p><p>"I'M NOT GOING TO CUDDLE WITH SOLLUX!" Karkat turns towards John and explains his whole life story, "HE'S FUCKING FEELING UP MY HIPS AND I KNOW HE'S SECONDS AWAY FROM GRABBING MY ASS.<strong> AGAIN."</strong></p><p>"Fine!" John pouts. "We can trade places and <em>you </em>can cuddle with Dave."</p><p>"Nooo." You frown. Karkat shoots you another look. Then, his eyes fall to the sheets below him. Karkat is caught between a rock and an even harder place. It's refuse to cuddle with you or come between John and Dave. Haha! He's gonna pick cuddling with yo- "CAN SOLLUX MOVE OVER TO THE OTHER END?"</p><p>"Oh! Good idea! Sollux! You help me cuddle with Dave!" He whispers loud enough for Dave to hear, "I can tell he's still upset." You smile as you stand up, it's just like John to suck up all his anguish and focus more on someone else. As you walk around the bed and over to the other side John jokes, "don't touch his tussie!" </p><p>"I wasn't planning on it." You mutter as you force Dave to scoot. </p><p>You snuggle your way into bed as John proudly nods and claims, "Good, cause it's mine!"</p><p>You can even feel how hot Dave is. John just got him going from like 60 to 100. He’s hot like a car’s tires when the drivers burning rubber and fuck- you wonder if Dave’s got rubbers in here... ha... Egbert did just say Dave’s ass is his. Dave's shaking now. You're not gonna be able to find a good way to cover that shit up, it's like a million degrees under the sheets, still, you've gotta think fast. </p><p>"Piddle break time!" John shoots up. Oh thank the fucking lord. </p><p>John slaps Karkat's arm and shouts, "Pause the movie! Pause it!"</p><p>Karkat grabs the remote and lifts up a brow as he asks,</p><p>"YOU LIKE IT THAT MUCH?"</p><p>"I love it!" John clasp his hands together. "We should watch more romcoms sometime! Just make sure they are funny!"</p><p>"FINE. IF THAT'S WHAT GETS YOU TO WATCH EM." Karkat seems content with that.</p><p>John hops up out of bed and crawls over Karkat's legs. Once the door is shut, you and Vantas both look at Dave with concern. Dave weakly trembles and mutters,</p><p>"Johns been feeling up my ass the whole time."</p><p>"HE HAS?" Karkat actually sounds sympathetic.</p><p>You on the other hand. "Score."</p><p>"No." Dave spits at you. "It's like a fucking nightmare."</p><p>"Oh... think you're gonna pop a boner at any time?" You said that as a joke, but Dave is shaking even worse now. </p><p>Dave lifts up his hands and lets out a small, yet painful, cry.</p><p>“God...” Dave mutters into his palms, “I’m so fucking hopeless...”</p><p>You offer up, "if you think you’re gonna get hard, then turn to me."</p><p>"Uh... haha... that's still gonna be awkward for me..." Dave corrects himself, "for the both of us, actually."</p><p>"There are a million blankets. We'll just put one between your crotch and mine and there you go." You say like it's a moment of genius the name of your plan, <em>"hidden erection."</em></p><p>"I guess but... I kinda don't want to get a boner..." Dave sounds so sheepish, "just incase John asks us to play jackbox on my laptop or something."</p><p>"SOLLUX'LL SET IT UP IF IT IS." Karkat shrugs.</p><p>"Yeah." You agree. "We can figure it out. Hey, this is just like that one time... when we were all getting ice cream downtown and the place had like tables you had to stand at outside. John saw this cute dog and walked over to pet it."</p><p>"Oh God." Dave looks like he's in pain, but you can just sense he's about to laugh. </p><p>You carry on, "-his fat ass was just giggling in those shorts of his, and you just popped a big fucking boner and we stalled for like an hour at that table till your dick died down."</p><p>"THAT'S ONE OF DAVE'S FINER MOMENTS." Karkat's face is bearing a hint of a smile. </p><p>Dave sighs. "Please don't make fun of me right now, I'm going through a lot."</p><p>"Oh..." you just remembered the phone call. “Shit. I’m sorry... I mean, that phone call was hard on all of us. Someone giving John shot just pisses me off too...”</p><p>"Huh?" Dave looks up at you. You get a sick feeling like you just misentripted another one of his jokes because he's so deadpan and monotone. "Damn. I didn't mean that... but yeah, that too... I was kinda just joking about how John's been um... into me... lately"</p><p>“HUH?" Karkat tries to slap Dave with the back of his hand, he misses and hits you instead. He asks Dave anyway, "HOW'S THAT GOING THROUGH SOME SHIT?"</p><p>"Well... it’s a lot for me to take in..." Dave recounts his experiences, "he kinda drools when he stares at my chest long enough, even if I'm wearing a shirt. He was drooling when he told me he was leaving for work today, and I was like... so freaked out."</p><p>"Is it... too much for you?" You ask him.</p><p>"I don't know..." Dave shakes his head. "I'm like freaked out, but not scared... more like... alarmed?"</p><p>"Alarmed?" You ask him to clarify. He’s a bit hysteric right now. </p><p>"Yeah... it's like... I don't know how to put it." Dave sips in a breath through his nose. "I just feel kinda afraid he's gonna figure out I'm the guy messaging him and on top of that, I'm like so surprised like... how... John makes me feel um..." Dave pauses.</p><p>Seems like he's gonna need a bit more <em>peer-pressure</em> to get him to come out of his shell. "What is it, man?"</p><p>"John like..." Dave pauses again.</p><p>Karkat's feed up, "COME ON. OUT WITH IT."</p><p>"It's just!" Dave tightens up his shoulders a bit and locks them into place "...I guess, I do kinda sometimes like... get guys coming up to me. Asking me for my number and shit. And like half of them are like really hot, tall guys and um... John kinda makes me feel like I do when those guys... flirt with me."</p><p>You blankly stare into the universe. “Oh."</p><p>Dave goes on, “Just like... John seems so certain he likes my abs and he’s so honest about what he wants... it’s... you know.”</p><p>Karkat sighs, “YEAH. IT’S SOMETHING ALRIGHT. HE WONT STOP MESSAGING THE CHAT NOW ABOUT HOW HE WANTS TO BITE YOUR BICEPS NOW. IT’S SOME SHIT.”</p><p>You silently agree and then some. You get the feeling that John’s gonna get all grabby with you soon and then get all touchy-feely to see if you have two <em>lemon bars</em> or one. </p><p>You turn to Dave and ask him, “you said half the guys that flirt with you are hot? What about those other guys? Are they creeps?”</p><p>Dave looks a bit alarmed, “nah, nah. I meant half the guys are like... my type, right? The others are all guys that can see I’m gay but think I’m you know...”</p><p>“-a top?” You finish for him, “you know you would be, if it’s for John.”</p><p>Dave sighs, “I don’t know... if feel like no matter what John’s gonna be like... the dominate one, even if he is the bottom.”</p><p>"YOU MEAN JOHNS GONNA BE THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP.” You’re kinda stunned with that shit Karkat just said, “JUST SAY IT."</p><p>Dave sounds as annoyed as he should be. "We're both men."</p><p>"JOHN'S A MAN, YOU'RE SOME TEENAGE BOY AFRAID OF POPPING A BONER IN FRONT OF EVERYONE." Karkat points over at where Dave’s laying.  </p><p>"Fair point. But let me get to mine." You laugh at Dave’s words. Then you laugh again at how kk Doesn't even give Dave a chance to continue, </p><p>"IS IT THAT YOU’RE EVENTUALLY GONNA SAY YOU NEVER HAD TO THINK ABOUT BEING A TOP OR DOMINATE OR SOME STUPID ASS SHIT- AND JOHN'S MAKING YOU THINK ABOUT HOW YOU'D HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AROUND HIM?"</p><p>"Kinda...” Dave lingers for a moment, “not quite."</p><p>"THEN WHAT IS IT?” Karkat tosses up his hand, “GET TO THE POINT!”</p><p>"Let the man speak-“ you place a hand on Karkat’s arm, “John can only blow up a toilet for so long."</p><p>"Ha...” you got Dave to smile. He goes on, “okay, well... I never <em>honestly</em> thought about John and I ever really... <em>being </em>together, but... I just kinda relized recently how easy it is for me to just swoop him up into my arms and give him everything he needs... now that I'm gonna pay his rent and shit... I'm just like... suprised I don't feel any different. And, sure... I'm doing it as a friend... but I feel kinda stressed that John's gonna start thinking of this as like a tit for tat kind of thing, and since he's feeling me up, I don't want him to think he has to pay me back by.... I don't know, licking my abs or something?”</p><p>You calm Dave’s nerves and gently smack him with the back of your hand. "He'd never think you're trying to get ass out of him, man."</p><p>"But he's getting you know... frisky?” Dave shrugs.</p><p>“yeah.” You nod, “you’re right to be worried about that.” John might think it would be cool to pay Dave back with his ass.</p><p>Karkat disagrees, “HE’S JUST PLAYING AROUND. LIKE HE DOES WITH HIS STUPID ASS PRANKS.”</p><p>Dave shakes his head and sighs, “I know him, and I know he’s going through some changes... I went through high school with him and I know that John has the balls to always aim for what he wants. If I let him start feeling up my ass, he’s probably gonna start going for worse... and I just don't wanna open the door for John to get... uh...” Dave mutters a word so quiet you can’t hear it and you’re laying right next to the guy. “...with me and offering me up something... something <em>serious... </em>cause I'm <em>so good to him </em>and I pay his rent.”</p><p>"OKAY, HOLD ON.” Karkat speaks up again, “I GET THE CONCERN ABOUT JOHN MAYBE GETTING TOO... HANDSIE? BUT I DON'T THINK JOHN'S GONNA PUSH THINGS <strong>THAT</strong> FAR."</p><p>"Yeah...” You add in, “I mean... he knows you’re shy. He’ll probably just touch your butt, but nothing more than that.”</p><p>Dave mutters, “yeah... maybe you’re right.”</p><p>You hear the bathroom door slam open, followed by a loud burp. </p><p>“Hey, boys!”</p><p>Looks like John decided to take off his robe, and his pants... he’s just in his underwear now. “You’re right! It is hot under all the sheets with you three in there.”</p><p>”uhhhhhh....” Dave’s mutter incoherently, sounds like “omhyfughhommygonnasurvove.”</p><p>As John slips into bed, you steal a sheet from off the floor and press it between you and Dave. Dave turns into it, he adjusts it a bit and acts like he's settling to cuddle with you. Even with the fucking blanket, you can feel something hard poking against you. You ignore it as Dave shuffles his legs more. Cool, you can hardly feel it, plan worked out.</p><p>John wraps his arm around Dave and softly asks, "you tired?"</p><p>Dave hardly responds, he just hums.</p><p>"Aw... my big sleepy guy..." John gets out his other hand to scratch Dave's head. "You ate all those garlic knots. I can't believe how you horked all of them down and those wings too, you must be tired from being so full... aw... poor baby..."</p><p>Dave stays silent, but John presses on. His voice has a tone to it you think should be exclusive to Dave’s ears only. </p><p>"You know... you've been <em>such a good boy to me... I should make you something special tomorrow night, how about some chocolate covered bananas? We can share and everything... and then the two of us can come in here, rest on your bed and then I can-”</em></p><p>You're getting full on poked now. You're done. You're good.</p><p>Whatever John was going to offer is interrupted from you getting up and pretending you have to piss. “Welp, my bladder says time to get up.” You rush over to Dave’s bathroom but-</p><p>"Don't go in there." John warns you. "I murdered the toilet.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That phone call you got really put a damper on an already bad day. Everytime you go into work, you already know that everyone is going to make you do the bulk of tasks to do. You guess you always wanna do a good job but now everyone expects a free ride whenever you’re scheduled with them. </p><p>Earlier today, you stormed out of work cause three people left you alone to do all their work so they could talk in the office about nothing while another one of them was clocking out. Once you realize that your coworker who clocked out left all their tasks half-way done for<em> you</em> to finished, you <em>might have</em> stomped over to the office and screamed in their faces something akin to “Fuck this!” or “Fuck you!” You’re not sure. You blacked out. All you know is that you screamed at them -for God knows how long- and you feel terrible about the very idea of going back to work, but thankfully, your roommates are always so good to you. As hurt as you are, you can’t bring yourself to focus on how awful work was so long as they’re beside you.</p><p>You’re thankful that your roommates are so understanding. You know that Karkat and Sollux really have to get on with their streams, but they wanna spend time with you to make sure you're okay. And to be honest, you really enjoy their company, especially right now. Half of you feels soothed by the three guys in your bed, there to make sure that you feel alright, and the other half of you... well, he's screaming. </p><p>God. When Dave showed you his room and how he set it up for not just you, but for all four of you... You instantly felt like kissing him all over, in a <strong>bad </strong>way. Ugh! Dave’s been so freaking munchable lately. You feel like banging your head into his solid rock-hard abs for never really seeing him as he is. Fuck! Even back in high school he was mister muscles once he got into the tenth grade! AURGH! You never thought about sexy stuff or dating or whatever the hell, but now… you can’t take your mind off your best friend’s abs! Off Sollux’s long arms! Off Karkat’s cute puffy cheeks! Ugh! You wanna kiss em all over and make them tell you that you’re cute and call you 'baby' and AHHH! You’re going boy crazy! <em>‘What am I? Thirteen!?’</em></p><p>You need to gain focus again, these are your three best friends. Your bros! Your amigos! Your <em>roommates!</em> You shouldn’t get all numb in the brain cause your hearts all twisted up! You need to focus. <em>‘Right! Focus... focus...’</em></p><p>You take a breath and try to return your attention to the movie Karkat put on for you. You’re staring at the screen and reaching over Karkat’s butt to grab a slice of your <em>horrible, gross </em>pizza. As you lean in, you hear Sollux muttering something to Karkat. You only hear the end of their convo,</p><p>“I’m not gonna grab your ass.”</p><p>“YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT IT.”</p><p>“I’m always thinking about feeling you up, man... doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it.”</p><p>You instantly giggle. Before you can even process your thought, you think it out loud,</p><p>“you can touch me anywhere you like...”</p><p>“ha...” Sollux looks at you with this thousand-yard stare, like he doesn’t know how to respond. It’s okay if he doesn’t know what to do, you do. You’re gonna do what he always does and treat being flirty like it’s a funny <em>haha-joke!</em> </p><p>You instantly forget about the pizza. With a large smile across your face, you start holding onto Karkat as you look up at Sollux. You kiss Karkat’s cheek and then scooch your favorite grumpy guy fully into your honeybunny. Aw, karkat’s all smooshed in between you two like the cream in a macaroon and looks like your cutie with the booty is <strong>not</strong> happy about it.</p><p>Karkat lets out a low grumble, like he doesn’t want any part in snuggling up to his bestie. Too bad, you said it’s snuggle time, so it’s fucking snuggle time. You rub your cheek against Karkat’s and then it strikes you to kiss him all over the side of his head. You went full overkill on kk’s face, which Sollux finds funny. You look up at Captor. He’s always had the most pleasant laugh, the kind of laugh that just makes everyone within a ten-foot distance of him want to join in. Captors smiling now, Sollux gives you a look with his eyes like he doesn’t understand why you’re staring at him, but he doesn’t mind it. You’re lips are parted open and you can feel your eyes dry from how long you’ve held your lids open just to gaze at him. He must get this look from women all the time. God, Captor could get any girl he wants with his charm and darn it, he’s so smart too. You can never keep up with how fast his mind works, and even still, he’s always finding some way to put himself down. AURGH! It just makes you wanna kiss all of the self-loathing out of the guy! You wanna punch Captor’s face with your lips and maybe force his hands on to your hips, make him hold you the way he always does when he’s playing <em>bad</em> boyfriend. You grit your teeth at that thought and then bite your bottom lip.</p><p>Being in bed with these guys in general is frustrating enough as it is now that you noticed you wanna taste of your favorite nerds, but it’s even harder when Sollux gives you a little concern look because you’re gritting your teeth and probably looking all panicked.</p><p>You’re not panicked, you’re just horny!</p><p>“OW!” Karkat yelped and then snaps at you, “STOP SQUEEZING ME, EGBERT!”</p><p>“Oh!” You frown and apologize, “I’m sorry, sweetie... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”</p><p>Karkat mutters, “YOU DIDN’T HURT ME, BUT YOU WERE STARTING TOO. JUST... JUST BE CAREFUL.”</p><p>You snuggle up to him closer, “hmm... okay.” You giggle and start kissing the side of Karkat's face again, “you’re so cute when you’re sweet like this, you know?”</p><p>Sollux chimes in, “he knows.”</p><p>You giggle. Karkat shushes the two of you and breaks his arm free to start waving it around. “I WANT TO WATCH THIS NEXT PART!”</p><p>You smile with an almost silent hum, you agree to let him watch his film in peace. You decide to stay quiet. </p><p>. . . </p><p>You went about a solid ten minutes without touching Karkat’s ass, the moment you broke your streak, he screamed at you.</p><p>“NO! I GET ENOUGH OF THIS TREATMENT FROM SOLLUX ALREADY, I DON’T NEED YOU FEELING ME UP TOO!”</p><p>You pout and whine. You frown at your grumpy guy and then look over at Sollux. Captors giving you a look that says <em>I can’t help you. </em>You don’t want help with <em>that</em> -well, not right now anyway. You reach your hand over Karkat and trace your hand around Sollux’s hip. You find his tush and, there, now you’re happy.</p><p>You watch the film, tush in hand, Karkat smooshed at your side, and Dave... what is Dave up too?</p><p>You whine out two little groans. <em>“HmmHmmm!” </em>That hum is your little call for Dave to cuddle you. He usually comes running to you when you make that noise, you groan again, but he’s not moving. <em>‘Must be out cold.’ </em>You guess you better not bug him. He was so frustrated earlier at seeing how stressed you were. You sigh. You haven’t forgotten how horrible your day’s been. The back of your mind is still processing how you left work in a huff, no... more like in a blind rage. God, that coupled in with how you’re quitting your job so you can live at home… Your mind is buzzing all over the place. It’s hard for you to focus on any thought or feeling, you’re being overloaded with so much at once. You guess that things were going to change once you made the decision to start being honest. You decided today at work to speak your mind, tell the other employees they need to shape up a bit, no one listened. It’s frustrating that no one cares about doing their job right, even the people you like at work hardly try. Sometimes you wonder what life would have been like if you would have taken up your dad’s offer back in high school and learn how to run a kitchen of your own. His employees always made sure to work hard and do their jobs right. Your dad is a kind man, but damn strict, so all his employees are work hard and work as a team. Yeah, it might have been a fun challenge to overcome so you could learn how to run a kitchen and a business. But… then again, you wouldn’t have moved out here with Dave. You love seeing your friends, you’re so happy to be close to all of them. That, and living on the other side of the country, away from Dave, oh that would have broken your heart into two.</p><p>You love waking up in the morning and cooking just to sit next to Dave and see your boys all grumble about having to wake up at noon for a nice warm meal! Well you don’t care if they grumble at the table, it’s still a nice meal with a perfect happy family! Well, they’re perfect to you. You’re happy this is gonna be your whole life now! You’re gonna be cooking for Dave and Karkat and Sollux breakfast, lunch and dinner every night. Dressing up in cute aprons and posing with a huge plate of whatevers on the menu for the day. Yeah... You’ll have all the boys take their seats outside and then show off your yummy cooking for all of them... but the boys would be looking up at you like you’re the main course, maybe you’d wear some tight little shorts... they’d be staring at your thighs, hmm... maybe they wanna nibble on your thighs in the same way you wanna taste Dave’s pecs. Hmm, Sollux always says such naughty things and Karkat’s always so grumpy, damn... his grumpiness used to always make you giddy. You’d get this hot, sugary feeling in your gut from how Karkat would grumble and hot Sollux would play around with you and your body. You never noticed how that silly feeling you always got from those things was your gut telling you that you like-like those boys.</p><p>It feels like you always had these sparks igniting inside of you, but there was never anything there to catch the fire. You guess that little love confession got you to see what was always kinda there, now you feel a hot flame, bellowing in your chest. It’s made even worse now that you realize that things have always been this way. </p><p>You’ve always felt proud when every you walk around in your little aprons and when you'd make food for your favorite guys. You always wanna treat your boys well and ha... baby them. You can’t help it! They are so spoilable! Karkat’s got this cute baby face that just screams <em>give me love</em> and Sollux is such a sweet, charismatic guy and <em>daww,</em> he’s always going through some kind of rough time, and you just wanna make Dave’s life easy...</p><p>God. Dave, he’s the cutest of the bunch. Daves always so shy too, well, unless he’s angry. You’ve seen what Dave can do when he feels like you’re threatened. If a guy cuts in front of you in the checkout line, yeeouch. Jeez. Dave’s got a heart of solid, pure, rich, melting gold but... your best friend can be brutal when he defends you. You've had to hold him back from fighting guys twice his size back in high school on more than one occasion. <em>'Yeah... more like once a week.'</em> You knew that Dave wouldn't hold anything back if you didn't hold him back yourself. And he was always so ready to defend you. </p><p>He still is always so ready to defend you...</p><p>Really makes you think. </p><p>You turn towards Dave. He’s facing away from you. He was breathing heavy earlier. You let a long breath out of your nose. You press your hand onto Dave’s shoulder. He hums and then turns to face you. Those two tiny red jewels in his eyes flicker. You must have woken him up just now. You rub your thumb against his shoulder. </p><p>You press a kiss onto Dave’s nose. You mutter to him, “I love you, Dave.”</p><p>He looks at you for a moment, just a casual blank stare. You can tell there’s a hint of worry in his look. You understand why, you’re tone gave away how stressed a certain thought made you feel. Poor Dave. He’s got a lot on his mind already, what with his brother’s death. You can't stop thinking about what thoughts Dave's mind must be dwelling on. He always seems like he's swimming in a sea of his own thoughts, lately things have been so rough on him. You’ll catch him on the balcony at night, staring out a nothing, pretending he's watching the lake. You're certain he needs you to be happy and healthy, now more than ever. His happiness depends on you.</p><p>That phone call really set both of you back, that and... Dave's got a lot on his mind. Yeah, your online Romeo has to be in the back of his mind right now too, whoever that may be. </p><p>You sigh as you look over at your best bro. Dave’s always been so attached to you. He always followed your lead, and the few times he doesn’t -the few times he lashes out- it’s because he’s afraid somethings threatening you. Somethings threatening his rock. You always knew Dave and Dirk had a hard time growing up with no parents. You guess you’ve always been like family to him since around the time you two met. </p><p>You're more than just Dave's best friend, you two are bonded in a way that's deeper than just that. </p><p>Right, so... If this man on the other side of your chat messages really does love you with his whole being, and Dave isn’t threatened by him, then he must be kind. Whoever this guy is, he’s gotta be cool too. Dave is tough to please, so your admirer has to be amazing. Oh! Sexy too! Dave would want you to be with someone attractive for sure! He’d never say it, but Dave is so shallow when it comes to looks! Dave wouldn’t approve of the guy if he wasn’t handsome! And oh boy, he better be good to you. Yep, he’s gonna have to rank number 1 boyfriend in the world or else Dave’s gonna give the guy something to think about, that’s for sure! Oh gosh, Dave’s always your knight in shining armor, isn't he!? He always wants to play hero and take on all your fights for you. Oh boy! Dave better make way for your Prince Charming! Dave is gonna have to get used to not being the top thing on your priority list. Number two is gonna have to do! </p><p>You start snuggling up to your sleepy-peepy Dave, as you watch the rest of the film.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You wipe the tears out of your eyes as the credits roll. Karkat and Sollux start talking the moment the film ends, apparently they've watched it together at least a dozen times so they aren't moved at all. You smack Karkat once you see he's sneaking another peak at Dirk's stream. That's against the rules, and also this is <em>your</em> time, not stupid GTA roleplay time. Dave shuffles a bit, aw they woke him up! You give Karkat and Sollux a mean pout and then turn your focus back to Dave.</p><p>"Sweetheart," you lean over and softly breath into his ear as you place your hand on Dave's shoulder, “you missed the whole movie.”</p><p>Dave sleepily mumbles, “I think I got the picture of how it ends.”</p><p>You start petting Dave’s side. His jaw trembles, then he yawns as he says, “they find out they’re perfect for each other and get married.”</p><p>“Yeah...” You turn over as you look up blankly at the ceiling. Something about that movie resonated with you. Those two in the beginning hated each other, but then they ended up wanting to actually be together, and it was just from spending a couple of nights pretending that they were engaged. Eventually, they saw that they could be good for each other and wanted to be together. Almost like it was fate. </p><p>You say in awe, “wow...” Your eyes flicker wildly, like fire bouncing off a sapphire.</p><p>You take a deep breath through your nose and mutter, more to yourself than anything, </p><p>"I would love to fall for someone, just like that.”</p><p>"OH! SHUT UP!” Karkat sounds like he’s rolling his eyes. </p><p>"Don’t tell me to shut up!” You yell back! Suddenly, something hits you square in the nose. Karkat just tossed a pillow in your face. You grab it and rip it off your face. “Hey!" You shout. You sit up and smack the pillow right into Karkat's kisser three times as you yell, "watch my glasses! And what’s your problem?!” Sollux grabs the pillow, forcing you to stop smacking his bestie.</p><p>“Dude. Dude, haha! Dude!" Sollux chuckles. "You<em> are</em> falling for someone like this!”</p><p>"Oh!? You two are thinking of my little instant message lover?!?” You chuckle and drop your pillow. You lean back to snuggle back up to Dave, "I was just thinking about him. Hmm... he hasn’t messaged me in a while. I was hoping he was gonna message me every single time that he thought of me. I better tell him that he should." You shut your eyes as Dave turns towards you to hold you.</p><p>Dave adjusts himself, lifting himself up by the shoulder. He kisses the side of your head as he asks, "does he just send you random messages and you read em long after he sends them, you know -like they're letters- or do you two like... talk?"</p><p>You think about it for a moment as you tilt your head, "both kinda..."</p><p>"What do you two usually talk about?" Dave asks.</p><p>You proudly state, "me!"</p><p>Karkat mutters to himself in a hushed tone, "OF COURSE."</p><p>Sollux asks you to go on, "what else though?"</p><p>"Nothing else really. But I love how he types!" You giggle. "He’s so funny! And he’s like a little hopeless romantic!"</p><p>"HOPELESS IS RIGHT." Karkat mutters again. You ignore him.</p><p>"He's just so sweet!” You hold Dave tight. “I wanna fix him up something to eat and kiss him all over!" You give Dave a big kiss instead.</p><p>"Soooooooo..." Dave holds out the word as long as he can before having to take a breath. "That’s why you wanna camp and have that potluck? It’s just a way you can make sure this guy eats your cooking?"</p><p>"Mhhm!" You nod as you loosen your grip on Dave. You wiggle your back into his chest as you say, "I wanna make him a special cake too! He told me he loves this one chocolate cake I baked a long while ago, and gosh, I used to bake so many! It’s too bad I can’t recall<em> all</em> the stuff I baked, maybe then I’d figure out who my love muffin is."</p><p>"Ugh." Sollux scoffs. "John. You should just listen to the guy without trying to track him down."</p><p>"Yeah, don’t make him come out of hiding." Dave agrees.<em> 'Ugh, of course he agrees, he's such a sweetheart.'</em></p><p>"But he doesn’t even need to hide!” You whine. “I wanna snuggle him... and bake him cookies... snuggle him a little, maybe let him hold my tushie...”</p><p>Sollux smacks your chest with the back of his wrist. With a joking tone he says, "This guy can’t just come out of the dark and confess he’s always loved you! You’re intimidating, John! You know that!"</p><p>"I know." You giggle. "And awww... I know that he’s a shy guy. Probably too shy to hold my tushie. Daw. He’s so shy about talking about how he feels to-"</p><p>"TRUST ME." Karkat mutters with his arms crossed. He's looking dead ahead at the screen as he grunts, "HE ISN'T."</p><p>You shuffle a bit and lift yourself up to argue with him, "to me he is! He won’t tell me anything!"</p><p>Sollux lifts up both his brows as he gives you a strange look, "anything?"</p><p>You nod, with a stubborn pout on your face. But now that you think of it... he <em>might have</em> told you <em>some </em>things. "Well, he told me he’s got some first date ideas, but that's it!"</p><p>"That’s it?" Sollux gives you a smile like he thinks you're bullshitting him. You pout. Sollux goes on to say, "He confessed that he is in love with you."</p><p>"Yeeaaaah." You plop back down onto the bed and into Dave's arms. He scoops you back up as you say, "but like every time he talks... it’s just, '<em>oh, John you're so cute! Ohhh, John! I love how kind you are!'</em> Uh!? Yeah!? Everyone thinks that! I wanna hear -I don't know!- dream diary plans! Like what kind of dog are we gonna have when we get together or he should tell me if he wants to go stargazing or cloud watching, ugh -or why and how he fell for me in the first place, that would be nice!" </p><p>Dave kisses your ear and then mutters, "John, you’d just use whatever information you got on the guy to track him down." </p><p>"<em>Nuhuhhhhh</em>!" You whine no.</p><p>"Oh, you so would." Sollux argues. "That’s why this guy can’t tell you shit."</p><p>You huff and pout, "he can at least tell me his dream diary plans for when we finally date!”</p><p>You can feel Dave tense up a bit next to you, poor guy probably isn’t ready to share you just yet. You mumble again about how you never got the chance to ask if your babyboy even has a dream diary. </p><p>"I’ll tell you what's on <em>my</em> Egbert inspiration board." Sollux offers. Karkat smacks his chest<strong>, hard,</strong> with the back of his hand. </p><p>It's too late! You're interested! "Oh! Yeah?!" You shuffle and sit partially up again. “You got a dream thingy!? just for me!?”</p><p>Sollux nods and smiles at you, "yeah, got a bunch of sticky notes under my desk with a wish of mine scrawled on all of em."</p><p>"Yeah?" You give him a smile with a hint of sass, "and what's that wish? You wishing on a star that you can <em>tickle</em> my <em>pickle?</em>”</p><p>Sollux hums. He shakes his head no and then tells you, "I want you to be happy."</p><p>"Aww..." You know it's all just a little joke, but you honestly love what he said. You lay back down into Dave's arms. He loosely holds you, he knows how much you like to move around, but you're done wiggling around now. You grab Dave's wrists, and force him to hold you tighter. You tell the whole group, "I like that dream, Cappy. But... I still want my cutiepie to tell me what color roof he wants our dream house to have or whatever."</p><p>"COME ON." Karkat tosses up his arms and huffs, "HE MUST HAVE SAID SOMESHIT. HE TALKS ABOUT YOU NONFUCKING STOP IN OUR CHAT."</p><p>"Oh, yeah? Nonstop...?" You bite your bottom lip. "Really?"</p><p>"AND IT'S A NIGHTMARE." </p><p>"For you maybe." You argue.</p><p>Karkat looks at you like you're not getting the full picture, he describes to you his hell,</p><p>"THE REASON SOLLUX CONVINCED YOU TO TRY ON YOUR OLD TUX A MONTH AGO WAS SO I COULD TAKE PICS OF YOU FOR THE FUCKER TO <em>CRY </em>OVER."</p><p>"Not true, John." Sollux corrects the spoken record the moment Karkat finished his sentence. "It was a <em>fantasy</em> thing."</p><p>"Wait.” You slowly lift your head up more and lower your eyes.<em> “Whaaaat... kind of fantasy?" </em></p><p>Dave tenses up a bit. You look up at him, he's focused on Karkat and only takes a second to look down at you. You let out a hum, "hmm?”</p><p>Karkat takes in a breath so you turn to look at him again. "HE HAD SOME DREAM ABOUT YOU GETTING MARRIED TO SOME CHICK, AND HE WAS FUCKED UP FOR ABOUT TWO DAYS. AND TO GET OVER IT, HE WANTED TO JACK OFF TO THE THOUGHT OF BEING ONE OF YOUR GROOMSMEN.”</p><p>Your whole body tensed up. A silence surges through the room. Sollux laughs and then opens his mouth again, </p><p>"Ha. Yeah, that and he used the pics to picture fucking you in a broom closet like <strong>right</strong> before you were supposed to leave to watch your bride walk down the aisle."</p><p>You feel your whole body tense up. Heat just starts to pool in your gut and your throat starts to dry up.</p><p>"Uuuhhh, wow." You blow steam out of your gut. "He uh... never tells me stuff like that." You look up at the ceiling. "The most he ever let slip was that... wait... maybe he did say something like that."</p><p>Dave instantly asks, "what do you mean?"</p><p>"Haha..." You turn a bit so you can see Dave's face better, "he kinda confessed how he wants to marry me."</p><p>Dave’s lips linger open. He sips in a small breath before he asks, “and how... did you <em>actually</em> feel about that?" Dave looks down at you with a worried expression, he probably thinks you’ve been joking about marrying this guy, to be honest, you’re not sure yourself. You do know the answer to his question though... </p><p>Just thinking about it... You're feeling so tense and sweaty. You feel so good about those confessions in such a <strong>bad </strong>way. “HMMM!” You hum and then breathe in a violent breath,<em><strong> "It’s so good! Uuughhaaa!</strong> </em>You don’t even <strong>know,</strong> Dave!" You grunt and lift up both your hands just to force them into claws. "It’s almost like a drug, like in these tiny little does." </p><p>You let the heat fully take over you now, "Roxy told me that this guy loves me so much that no one else is allowed to have me. Ugh, when Rox told me that, this <strong>feeling</strong> just surged through me! It's like no one is even allowed to <strong>think </strong>about having me! <strong>Just </strong>because this guy wants me! I never thought of myself as that valuable before, but now I’m like a little prize for him and everyone is jealous that he claimed me as his trophy! Whoever this guy is, he's already driving me nuts!" And that much is obvious. You're not even quiet about how you feel now. You just... kinda revealed just how deep of a crush you maybe might have on this guy... suddenly you feel a bit shy. “Ha...”</p><p>Daves looking at you now, either in shock or in awe. He’s uh... never seen you horny before. God, you hardly get this way about anything... this whole recognizing what you’re <em>into</em> thing is gonna be an embarrassing transition period, especially seeing that you’re cuddling with your three roomies that you’ve got the hots for. It’s not easy going from zero to one hundred. You hope they know that this is hard on you, and by <em>hard</em> you really mean it. </p><p>You apologize, “sorry... he just... makes me excited... um... this is all new to me. So...”</p><p>Sollux pats your hand with his, “no need to apologize, if this guy was staking his claim that he gets<em> my</em> ass, I’d be pitching two tents right here and now. You're good, man.”</p><p>You sheepishly giggle. You feel so embarrassed you just said all of that out loud... still, you wanna know maybe, a tiny bit more. You wanna hear about how he wants to marry you, but now you’re feeling so withdrawn. You hope you’re not being annoying,  "um... what kinda stuff did he tell you about me?" </p><p>Dave mutters, "loads of different stupid things." Aw, he seems so upset. You always knew that he thought of you as family and he's super-duper over protective of you, he might not like hearing about sexy things about you. But you wanna hear them though. Hmm... But Daves shy about stuff like this... No! You don't care, it's your day you get to do what you want.</p><p>"Tell me the stuff he won’t tell me!"</p><p>You're looking right at Dave. Sollux opens his mouth to speak and you lift up your hand, like you don't wanna hear it. You Asked Dave. </p><p>Dave sips in a breath and hesitates to let it out, "he..." Dave sighs, "he kisses a picture of you before he goes to bed every night."</p><p>You let out a high pitched, <em>"awww..."  </em></p><p>Then you grunt out, <strong>"that’s so freaking cute."</strong></p><p>"WAIT." Karkat shifts in bed. You look over at him as he asks, "YOU THINK THAT'S CUTE?"</p><p>"Yeah!" You cheer.</p><p>"REALLY?" Vanty sounds like he's shocked, "THIS GUY ISN’T CUTE. THAT BEHAVIOR ISN’T CUTE. AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THIS GUY HAS FUCKED HIMSELF WITH THE GHOSTBUSTER'S MOVIE IN THE BACKGROUND CAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF YOU."</p><p>"ohhhhohooho!" You're really starting to feel hot now, hot and toasty. "<strong>Nice</strong>."</p><p>"Holy fuck. You think that’s hot?" Sollux laughs. "Haha- how about this, the guy that’s into you gets off from the sight of you in your nerdy ass Halloween costume."</p><p>"Hahahaa! Holy fuck!" You accidentally kick Dave's legs as you laugh. Your ghostbusters cosplay is like mega-dorky! </p><p>Sollux goes on, "I think he wants to go full slimer on your ass when you’re in that thing!"</p><p>"oh my god!" You cry out.</p><p>Even Karkat joins in, "IT'S MORE LIKE ON HIS FACE."</p><p>"oh- fuck!" Sollux laughs. "Haha! Yeah! This guy is full nuts out about your face. He keeps talking about how fucking hot your buckteeth are."</p><p>"Like a sexy rabbit!?" You smile brightly as you ask.</p><p>"Hahaha! Yeah, man.” Sollux chuckles, “He thinks your whole look is like some sexy old-school nerd kinda thing and it makes him wanna piss in your mouth for some reason."</p><p>"WHOA!" You sit up and look at Dave with a smile on your face. Dave’s giving you a blank look, one of his Strider stares. He’s stoic but it seems like he’s about to crack. You ask Dave directly, “he said that about me?”</p><p>Sollux answers for Dave, “yeah, but hey... he’s into guys, everyone that’s into guys likes something fucked up.”</p><p>You look over at Sollux as you ask, "how do you know that for sure about <em>every</em> gay guy?”</p><p>"For starters, they like guys.”</p><p>You laugh at Captor's response. "Hahahaha! Dave! Dave!" You slap his arm and turn to him, tears in your eyes. "Is that true?! Boys who like boys have some weird sexy thing they like!”</p><p>"Uh..." Dave sighs. "Yeah... probably."</p><p>"Oh!" You plop back down into Dave's arms again and cheer, "I can’t wait to find out what my weird sex thing is and tell him!"</p><p>"He’s gonna be pumped once you find your thing, man." Sollux sounds so happy for you. "I can’t wait till he runs into the chat screaming you have a piss kink too or something even more fucked up.”</p><p>“Ooooh!” You perk up, a new question in your mind. "Does he talk to you all <em>privately</em> about how he feels about me? and oh! Do you help cheer him up?"</p><p>"Yeah," Sollux nods as he pulls Karkat closer to him, "but for the most part, we just talk in this chat that your banned from."</p><p>"What!?" Your eyes widen. "Is it like a group just for when he needs to vent about how sweet my smile is?”</p><p>Karkat nods, Sollux answers. "It’s titled ‘when I freak shit about John.’ It was originally ‘repressed gay thoughts’ but he made it more specific.”</p><p>“Hahaha!” You snort. “He made you guys change the title!? Ha! Who's like in charge of the chat?”</p><p>Sollux shakes his head. “He made it himself for like four people to follow but almost all of us are in there. Even Feferi is still in it but she doesn’t message us shit." </p><p>Karkat turn fully towards Sollux, "SHE HASN'T LOGGED ON IN FOREVER, LET THAT SHIT GO."</p><p>"fucking- I’m just saying." Sollux grumbles.</p><p>“BUT YOU SAY SHIT LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.”</p><p>“Yeah, cause Feferi is our friend, even if she acts like she moved on.” Sollux argues. </p><p>Sollux and Karkat are having their own argument now. You place your hand on Sollux’s and lightly squeeze for his attention. He’s not looking at you, he’s bickering with Karkat now about if Fef is still in your friend group or not. You look up at him, your glasses pressing into the side of your face, you huff and mumble, “forget about Feferi... pay attention to <em>me.”</em></p><p>Sollux looks at you, frown on his face. You pout and with that, bring an end to their dumb fight. You’re bringing the conversation back to you. “Now I'm feeling sad... you all get to know everything about him and I know nothing... it’s not fair.” </p><p>Karkat groans, “I’D TRADE PLACES WITH YOU IF I COULD.”</p><p>You gasp, “trade places with me? Whoa! do you have a crush on him!?” You know he was just being mean, but you wanna tease him a little. </p><p>Karkat gives you a face, “NOT A CHANCE.”</p><p>You give Karkat a wittle questioning pout, “really?” You place your hand on his cheek a boop him like how a cat would paw at a playmate. "You don't wanna play paddy cake with his noodle?"</p><p>"NO." Karkat sounds offended. “GOD NO.”</p><p>You pat his nose again and ask, "you really don't wanna give him a little kissy? If you were in my shoes you'd <em>haaaave to </em>give him a kissy."</p><p>Karkat blows steam out of his nose and answers, "I'D RATHER BURN IN HELL."</p><p>"Hey now, no being mean." You puff out your cheeks and say, "he's future Mr. Egbert, so you better be nice."</p><p>Karkats arms are still crossed, he’s still pouting and then he locks eyes with you just to hit you with, </p><p>“HE TOLD ME ONCE THAT HE THINKS YOUR PITS ARE -AND I QUOTE- FUCKABLE.”</p><p>You burst out laughing.<em> "FUCKABL-</em>HAHA!"</p><p>Sollux laughs with you, “if he keeps it up, I might fall for him!” </p><p>“Two out of three ain’t bad!” You cheer and kick your legs. “How about you, Dave? would you see yourself playing tug-of-war with this guys noodle?”</p><p>“uhhhhhh-” Dave gets cut off by Karkat this time.</p><p>“DAVE.” Sounds like Karkats gearing up a reason for why Dave should say no. “REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL WENT TO A PARTY AT YOUR BRO’S PLACE? THEN JOHN’S <em>ADMIRER </em>GOT WASTED AND ADMITTED TO OUR CHAT, THAT SAME NIGHT, THAT HE GRABBED ONE OF THE CUPCAKES JOHN MADE AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM TO-”</p><p>“Okay!” Dave starts sitting up a bit. “We don’t need to tell John everything this guys ever said!”</p><p>You chant, “whoa! Oh my god! What did he do!?”</p><p>Sollux shrugs, “nothing that bad, he just ate that cupcake while he jacked off in the bathroom.”</p><p>You laugh, “Hehehe what?! Sollux! that’s so messed up!” Did you say it was made with love or something!? What’s sexy about a cupcake!?</p><p> Sollux’s face pulls into a vibrant, but slightly sinister smile, “that’s nothing. I sent him a video of you playing a prank on Dave -you know, the one that you made me record a few months back- ha, the dude fucking jacked it to sound of your laughs.”</p><p>"My laughs!?" You cover your lips with one of your hands. You narrow your eyes and lean forward towards Karkat and Sollux, “and he just says all that stuff about how he feels about me? In a chat any one of our friends can read?!”</p><p>Sollux tells you, “he’s not shy when it comes to how he feels about you. He’s proud about it, as he should be.”</p><p>You stare up in awe at Sollux’s face. “Wow. That is such a kind thing to say, not just about me, but about my admirer. My baby probably feels like a weirdo for getting so... emotional...?”</p><p>“HORMONAL” Karkat finds the word you were looking for.</p><p>“Thank you.” You pat Karkat’s crossed arms and then nod, “he must feel weird for being so <em>hormonal</em> about me, but! I think he’s just going through a tough time. It’s gotta be hard loving someone so much and not really being able to say anything about it... still... he jacks off to my laughter?”</p><p>Sollux chuckles, “wha- why does that weird you out more than the dude jacking off while he eats one of your cup...cakes... Actually, no." Sounds like Sollux genuinely changed his mind about what he was gonna say. "Never mind. I’ve had your buttercream frosting before.”</p><p>You take in a deep breath and then snort it out. You cover up your face with your hands and then shout behind your palms, “see! It is weird!” You remove your palms from your face but leave your hands hovering around your cheeks, “I have a laugh like miss piggy! Why would anyone Jack off to it!?!”</p><p>Dave defends the guy, “it’s-it’s like a repressed sexuality kinda thing-"</p><p>Sollux nods and says, “yeah, for sure.”</p><p>Dave keeps talking over Sollux, “-and he’s said something before... uh... about how you being happy or like... cheerful makes him get all twisted up inside, and sweaty. He can’t stop fucking bringing up getting all sweaty over you. It’s uh- it's you know... not that cute, but it's still... endearing? Kinda... I guess... maybe.” Dave’s still tense, defending your sugypugy, “Okay. I think the guy just jacks off to all this crazy shit because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings towards you and then he gets even more frustrated and has to confess his sins to his private chat cause he feels fucked up about how he views you in like, uh, a really inappropriate way.”</p><p>Sollux agrees and slowly shakes his head from side to side, “yeah, I mean he’s probably got a good reason for why he tells me he wants to drink your cum at three am like it’s a random shower thought.” </p><p>You accidently scream in Dave’s face, “Ha!”</p><p>As you laugh, Dave defends the guy. “He- he just needs an outlet, and he probably just feels kinda ashamed -but proud- but yeah... ashamed that he’s in love with a guy that he’s so close to.... you... you know?”</p><p>Sollux shrugs, “dude’s gotta let it out some how.”</p><p>“Oh.” You tilt your head. If this boy is sexually repressed and has to jack off to let it all out then that crosses Dirk off the list. There’s nothing repressed there. He gets it on with guys more often than Sollux beats his own meat... <em>or meatsticks.</em></p><p>“Course the dude’s always fucking horny too.” Sollux adds. </p><p><strong>That</strong> just now really peaked your interest, “Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah." Sollux confirms for you that "never a week goes by without him randomly dumping all his dirty laundry into our chat. You know how horny he is for his married neighbor?”</p><p>Hm, maybe Dirk’s back on the naughty list. </p><p>Dave sighs, “John, he’s just having a hard time with shit and you always helped him through it. So of course he’s crazy about you.”</p><p>Sollux laughs, “yeah, like literally crazy. He told us all randomly at like 3 am two days ago or whatever he had a nightmare about walking in on you fucking another guy and he instantly started beating his meat when he woke up.” </p><p>Dave closes his eyes and sighs, “thank you. Sollux.”</p><p>Sollux looks at you and smiles, “his life is my personal soap opera.”</p><p>“Thank you, Sollux.” Dave continues, “My point is, he’s got so many different repressed emotions he can never tell you about. He even said he never wanted you to know, but he needed you to know just how much you’re loved.”</p><p>“Aww... my poor sugarmuffin... he’s gotta be all mixed up inside about me." You pout. "Poor baby thought I’d marry a lady and he got all messed up in the head about it. Daw.” You wonder out loud, “but I do like boys... so why doesn’t my little Prince Charming just come to me, dressed up in a nice little suit and tie, and offer me up a balloon ride?”</p><p>“THINK HE HYPED YOU UP SO MUCH IN HIS MIND, IT’S HARD FOR HIM TO DO THAT, JOHN.” Karkat frowns. </p><p>Sollux smacks his lips together “yeeeeah, and I can’t imagine this guy walking up to you and offering up a ride on his cock off the bat, EB.”</p><p>You sit up in bed, “huh?! Well I wouldn’t take him into my bed after just one date! I mean a balloon ride is <em>nice,</em> but I’m gonna play hard to slime.”</p><p>Sollux looks confused. His mouth is hanging open as he searches for the words. “Huh... Wait, did you mean a real a balloon ride?”</p><p>"Yeah!" You happily nod. "He told me that it's on his imaginary itinerary for our journey from friends to husbands!" </p><p>"Damn." Sollux shakes his head, "he always used to say he’d take you back to the first place you two ate a meal together as a first date, guess he changed his mind."</p><p>"AH!" You scream. "That's so romantic! THAT IDEA IS PERFECT! I LOVE IT!!! First date, recreating our first meal together. Tenth date, BALLON RIDE!!!”</p><p>"That is the plan now? shit. I didn’t know. Oh damn." Sollux slaps his forehead and says, "don't let me say anything else like that, I don't wanna fucking spoil shit for you, Egbert. You've gotta actually live out the feature length film that plays everyday inside his head."</p><p>"Hehheheh! It's okay!" You tell the tallest boy in the room, "I wanted to know that anyway! I like hearing all the spoilers! I wanna see what his plans are so I can get a look at his heart."</p><p>"MAKES SENSE." Karkat shrugs with his arms still crossed.</p><p> You hum to yourself and say, "that was the perfect idea, I wonder why he was so hesitant to tell me.”</p><p>Dave mutters into your shoulder, "probably because he really wants everything to be perfect for you, and he though twice about it.”</p><p>You ask your bestie, "You really think this guy is trying to make everything perfect for me?" You hope it's not obvious that you're reaching for Dave to say you deserve nothing less.</p><p>"Yeah." Dave nods once.</p><p>“You tilt your head a tiny bit. You raise your voice a few octaves as you ask, <em>"and... he's doing his best?" </em></p><p>"Um..." Dave seems a bit unsure of what to say. "He's... yeah... he's trying his best cause um..."</p><p>You blink once. You even feel your eyelashes slowly flutter open and close. </p><p>"He's trying to be um... good enough... for you." Dave's really starting to look nervous now, aw he doesn't wanna give you up at all!</p><p>"Aw, baby." You whine. "If you think he’s doing his best then he’s gotta be, and I love that you’re so supportive of him! It means a lot to me that you’re such a good friend, oh! You’re a great friend to the both of us! You’re like my future best man for sure!”</p><p>Dave smiles with a fond look on his face. “That means a lot to me, John. And uh, this guy probably loves that you’re like willing to hear him out without like... judging him for how he lets off steam.” </p><p>You give Dave a big grin. ”I'd love to hear him out about anything he wants to tell me, babybunch! If only he’d freaking tell me what’s on his mind! He just randomly dropped huge heart shaped poop on my chest by confessing and then ran away. He stoped messaging me, again! And all his messages, when talks to me, feel like apologies, even though I’m probably gonna fall for this guy!”</p><p>Dave meekly mutters, "Yeah... sorry that he’s doing this to you. He just like... stopped posting messages in our group chat for a while -probably cause he wanted to like shut up about how nuts about you he is- and then he just like... I donno, he must have just let his emotions build up till he exploded. He just feels bad about it.”</p><p>You suck on your tongue for a moment and then give Dave sad eyes, “he must have felt like he messed up when he messaged me, and poor thing, thinking that he had to bottle up his feelings cause he thought no one wants ta hear what he's gotta say... poor mistaken lovechild. He has no idea I wanna snuggle his buggle and give him a huggle.” You take and shake your head. “You give him lots of love in that private chat for me, Dave.”</p><p>Dave nods. You smile and kiss his nose. You pull away and look a bit sheepish as you ask him, “um... can you like... scroll through the messages and read them back to me? Just so I can get a picture for how much he loves me?”</p><p>"sur-"</p><p>Karkat cuts Dave off, "HE’S GONNA GRAB THE PHONE AND RUN."</p><p>"I won’t!" You squeak, "promise!"</p><p>"I DONT FUCKING TRUST YOU." Karkats glaring at you. </p><p>"hmmm..." You hum as you lean in closer to Karkat. "Suspicious."</p><p>"FUCKING... FINE. HOW ABOUT THIS... I CAN REMEMEBER HE HAD A FULL ON CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW YOU'RE NOT HIS 'TYPE,' BUT KEPT GOING ON ABOUT HOW YOUR ASS WOBBLES WHEN YOU WALK AND HOW FUCKABLE YOUR SMILE MAKES YOU."</p><p>"OH! Oh my god!" That was a lot of things to take in all at once. "Some guy actually said that?! About me!?" Darn, that really makes you feel all <em>twisted up on the inside. </em>You take a moment to catch your breath from how winded that made you. "Oh- ha... Wow- and...you said I’m not his type!? Oh, that makes sense! Yeah! I can totally see that."</p><p>"WHY?" Karkat sounds snarky as he says, "CAUSE ALL THE OTHER DUDES WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT <strong>TITS?"</strong></p><p>"Well yeah," You snort. "but I was thinking about how the two gay dudes we love only really like buff guys."</p><p>Dave shuffles a bit as he mutters, "please tell me you’re not thinking about my bro right now."</p><p>"Heheheh!" You giggle. "I was thinking of<em> you</em> for the most part!" Yep. Your mind jumps right into picturing Dave walking around in a super market, aw and he's getting all nervous when some muscular guy walks by him, then Dave gets even more nervous cause you wanna hold his hand at the checkout line! You can just see him go from pink to red! You clap your hands and squeal at your little mental image. There's something about making a guy as funny and as yummy as Dave change colors like a camelion over you that makes you all giddy! You confess out loud, “oh! If my little lover boy is Dave, I Think I’d Just<em> Die!</em> My poor heart would just melt! AH! Dave getting all twisted up because of me!? Could you imagine!?”</p><p>"WHY WOULD I WANT TO." Karkat grumbles and at the same time Sollux mummbles, "I don't wanna fuckin' think about it."</p><p>You poke Karkat once and start talking -sounding like you're both ignoring him and answering his question- you say, "he’s so handsome, just thinking about Dave wanting me makes me feel all intimidated! I’d constantly be wondering how did I ever get a guy like that’s attention!? Picturing Dave with that strong pout of his and those beautiful eyes being all mine! Ah! Just- just ah! You know!? He’s all muscley and cuddly and he's a cutie patootie booty smoothie! Ehhheheheh!" You start squealing and kicking your legs up and down.</p><p>"Oh." Sollux gives you one of those sly smiles he's so found of making as he tells you, "you seem really fucking hyped."</p><p>"How can I not be!?" You say that a bit louder than you mean too. "He's like... the perfect man! He's tough, he's sweet. He's loyal and super kind, and he's also shy and has this soft sensitive side."</p><p>Sollux smiles and laughs. He waits patiently for you to finish talking, and you only stop because it looks like he has something to say, "sooo... is Dave like your favorite option or something?"</p><p>"NO!" You shout. You throw your head back into the pillow and then whine, "I want all three of you to be my babyboy!"</p><p>"You’re not picky?" Sollux tilts his head a bit, still wearing that handsome smile.</p><p>"Nope!" You admit right to his face. "I want you three all the same."</p><p>"But then why’d you get so fucking pumped for Dave then?"</p><p>Once Sollux is done answering the question you take a moment to reflect. You hum for only a second before you come out with a confident answer, </p><p>"<em>cause!</em> He’s so handsome and he still gets all sheepish and shy, it’s so cute! It makes me all -you know- excited! I get like this tingly feeling when Dave gets all nervous and shy, it just makes me wanna kiss him all over! Just like forever ago when you two started watching The Mandalorian.” You explain to Sollux, “Dave told me in the kitchen that he had a crush on the main guy, and when I asked why, he gave me like the cutest answer ever!" You turn to Dave at start patting his chest, "go on, tell him!"</p><p>Dave looks a bit uncomfortable that you put him on the spot, exactly part of your point. Dave is always so sheepish when people put the spot light on him. You mutter under your breath, "you're so cute."</p><p>Dave's eyes flicker down to you and then back up to Sollux. Dave looks like he's starting to sweat and not just from the dozens of sheets he’s squished under. He mutters, "um... I uh... I forgot what you wanted me to say."</p><p>"What did you say when I asked you<em> 'why do you wanna smooch that Star Wars guy?'</em>" You smile as you rub Dave's chest with both your hands.</p><p>"Uh... cause... he's like..." Dave swallows down some spit and then tells Sollux, "I told John that he seems really capable and like... really loyal... I just think that like, if he wanted me... he'd... protect me."</p><p>"AW! SO CUTE! YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT LAST PART!" You shout. You pull Dave tighter than ever before and squish him into your chest. You pet the top of his head as you whisper to him, "I’ll protect you and love you forever.”</p><p>You kiss Dave’s cheek and Sollux laughs at your display. You hold Dave and mutter into the top of Dave's head, "I love everything about Dave. I'd be so happy if any of you three were my little love muffin, but I can't imagine Dave getting comfortable with like full-time sharing me. -I mean, Davey, you still get all huffy if I fall asleep on Sollux instead of take a nap on you.- So let's face it, of course I'd be pumped about Dave being the one messaging me. Dave needs constant attention and if he <em>is </em>my babyboybaby, then I can pay 100% attention to his needy butt! Oh! And think about it now, he’s got such a nice booty!" You start listing some of the best parts of Dave, "and his face is so always so kissable, he smells super nice, he always waits up for me, ah! and if we dated, everyone I'd meet would be so jealous that I landed a buff super model. And if we became mr and mr Egbert then I already know he’ll treat me right cause he’s my knight in shining armor already! He'd always hold the door open for me and give up his sweater whenever it's cold! He’s already such a dreamboat! AH! Dave is like S plus teir for boyfriend options." </p><p>Dave mutters into your chest, "I’d say B tier but okay." </p><p>"No!" You squeesh Dave closer to you. "You need to think better of yourself."</p><p>Dave struggles to say, "I want to say C tier but then I remembered my boobs double as pillows."</p><p>"Yeah they do!" You nod. You fucking love his boobies, they’re like your own personal headrests.<em> ‘Oh, yeah that's right!’</em> Dave's like your second mattress. "God! Oh oh oh! Is my little lover jealous of how I always sleep on you, Dave?!”</p><p>"Uhhh...." Dave whispers, "I don’t wanna say."</p><p>"Ugh!" You groan and finally let go of Dave. "This sleepover would be way more fun with the girls..." You pout and cross your arms as you wiggle your way back under all the sheets and cover your face up to your nose. You mutter, "they’d tell me all the fun stuff.”</p><p>Sollux snickers, "like who this guy is?”</p><p>"Not-ah." You whine. "I don’t wanna know right now anyway. I wanna pretend my boy is a bunch of different boys. It’s funny to think Dave would ban me from a chat group and yell about wanting to pee on my face.”</p><p>"Ha, it’s even funnier to think it’s Karkat." Sollux just put a strong mental image in your mind.</p><p>You sit fully up and toss off the sheets, "KARKAT! OH FUCK! Yeah! Oh my god!"</p><p>You point at Sollux, "but it makes way more sense that it’s you Captor! You talk about sex all the time!"</p><p>Sollux shuts his eyes and reminds you all, "I’m trying to improve myself. John." He’s not doing a very good job of avoiding sexy talk though, now is he? You snort at the memory of what he just said about a minute ago about your little Romeo wanting to sip on your <em>something something</em> and drink what comes out. And why would Sollux want to stop telling you golden tidbits like that, how would that be improving himself? </p><p>"Hehheh! You’re already perfect, you don't need to try to go improving, honeymuffin." You look down at Vantas, "You too, Karkat... well maybe you’d be a bit hotter with stubble, but you’re perfect with or without facial hair.”</p><p>"GOD." Karkat mumbles. "YOU HAVE SUCH SHIT TASTE."</p><p>"No!" You happily yell, "I have perfect taste!!!" </p><p>You shove Karkat with your hand, "I really love you three a lot, you know!? I think you three are the bestest boys in the whole wide world and I wouldn’t mind marrying any of you! Oh, Sollux! You’d always get to handsie with me and you already tickle me like everyday! And Karkat would make such a nice future Mr. Egbert! He gets all grumpy about silly things and if I marry him he’d have ta look on the bright side of things with me! Ah! You three are all so perfect for me! Or we’ll, perfect in general! What about me though! Does my baby think I’m perfect?!"</p><p>Dave instantly answers, “we all do.”</p><p>Instantly, you coo, "awwww!”</p><p>“I love you, Dave." You confess. "And even when I get together with my baby<em> -provided he isn't you-</em> you’re still gonna be my player one.”</p><p>“More like player two.” Dave smiles and scratch’s the back of his neck. </p><p>"Nooo." You shake your head and giggle. "You’re the Mario to my Luigi.”</p><p>Dave gives you a blank stare. “Thanks, man.”</p><p>Sollux is chuckling. You turn to him. In the corner of your eye, you watch Karkat as he turns towards you. You focus your gaze on Vantas and listen as he bluntly asks, “YOU WANNA WATCH ANOTHER FUCKIN' ROMCOM, OR WHAT?” </p><p>. . .</p><p>"Oh! Flowers!" You point at the screen and shout, "How pretty! I want my guy to buy me flowers too! What kind of flowers did he say he wants to buy me!?"</p><p>You turn and look at Dave, he's got all the answers today. Looks like he pays extra attention to how your lover boy wants to treat you.</p><p>"Uh... I think he said something once about buying you some herbs you could plant in the backyard ins-"</p><p>You yell, "That is so much better than flowers! Holy moly!" You slap your own cheek and say - more to your self than to your boys -"Oh boy, this guy knows me and what I want better than I know what I want!"</p><p>"He thinks about you and what you want a lot." Dave admits. "He says that he knows you like <em>practical things</em> as gifts.”</p><p>“He’s right... uh, what other things does he say about me?” You ask Dave. He thinks about it for a moment, scanning his mind for probably a faint memory of what he read in a group chat where Nepeta was probably either screaming over everyone or spamming reaction images. </p><p>"Well... uh... I don’t know why I can’t think of anything right now, umm... he talks a lot about you."</p><p>"He does?" He said that a millions times already. "Really?" You even say the word like you're being sarcastic, but Dave's too focused on his thoughts to notice. </p><p>Dave breaths out the word, "...yeah." </p><p>"Hehhehheh."</p><p>Dave stares up at the ceiling and mutters, "he tells us daily he wants you to be happy, no matter what the outcome is."</p><p>"Yeah?" You feel your heart shake. </p><p>Dave sounds so dizzy and sleepy still, poor baby.</p><p>"-and he thinks the way that... that you smile is uh... I don’t remember his exact words. He just thinks your smile is like... the most beautiful thing that’s ever manifested on the earth." </p><p>Karkat grumbles to himself, "THOSE ARE HIS EXACT WORDS."</p><p>"Awwwww!" You squeesh your own cheeks.</p><p>"He really..." Dave swallows down some spit. "He really loves you. More than anything else in his life."</p><p>"Aw. Cute!" You cheer. You take just a moment to really breathe the reality in. The situation you're in is such a lovely little dream you're living. You now know that everyone in your chat thinks your not only a great friend but probably a great lovemuffin to have and to hold. This guy on the other line of your messages is so totally in love with you that any of your buds would feel guilty to take you away from him! But still... you are already very tightly knit to a certain Strider. You are something to be shared, a good chunk of your mind and your heart belongs to your best friend. You regain focus on Dave again and pout as you ask him, "and... he doesn’t mind that we’re so close?"</p><p>Sollux answers with a shake of his head and a flick of his wrist, "not at all. He loves that you’ve got three roommates you care about and we <em>all</em> talk to the guy about how he feels about you. He thinks that all three of us are your best friend you know, not just Dave."</p><p>"Awwww eeeee!!!" He's so right! Sollux and Karkat take up a lot of your mind and heart too! Not just Dave! The four of you are like a little chosen family and you're just so glad that Sollux and your boys talk to your love muffin and encourage him to be as sweet -and as nasty- about you as can be! You tell them all, "I’m so happy you’re all such good friends, even when I’m not there to keep you three from arguing! You all help out my poor lonely baby and you’re probably couching him on how to romance me aren’t you?”</p><p>Sollux shrugs, “think we kinda just demand from the guy that he needs to fuckin grow a pair and give you all the love you deserve.”</p><p>“Ohnonono!” You wiggle your finger, “I’m happy being the one giving out the love. I don’t need any more than what he’s already offered me.”</p><p>“Nah.” Sollux shakes his head. “He’s gotta be the one dishing out the gifts and giving you foot massages every fucking time he sees you or I’ll gut him like a fish. You deserve nothing short of the gold star treatment.”</p><p>You hum as you picture some anonymous hands hand you a box of chocolate covered strawberries and then the hands place a velvety robe around you. Wow, you deserve that kinda treatment? That’s way more than you’re expecting but maybe... you do deserve it? Hmm... you doubt it.</p><p>Sollux shovels a cold slice of pizza into his gob and chews as he says, “I’m so fucking pissed already, just thinking about this guy fucking showing off how madly in love you two are every day. He’s gonna rub it in our face every time he hugs you or spoons you. And trust me, the moment you and him get together, you two are going to be attached like fuckin' magnets.”</p><p>“You think!?” You feel as happy as you sound.</p><p>“I know.” Sollux nods. </p><p>“GOD DIDNT WE JUST GET DONE TALKING ABOUT HOW HE FUCKING JACKED OFF TO YOUR BAKING? OF COURSE HE’S GONNA CLING TO YOU LIKE A TICK.” Karkat shouts.</p><p>“Oh my gosh... he is a feisty shy guy, isn’t he?” You mumble. “I wouldn’t mind letting him get a tiny bit handsie when he snuggles me, but nothing more than Sollux has already done to me.”</p><p>Sollux laughs and swallows down his last bite. “So fondling your ass and sucking your neck is cool?”</p><p><em>“Hmmm... oh yeah.”</em> You slowly nod. Then it dawns on you, “oh! But uh- Dave! I promise that I’ll take everything slow and practice having sex with condoms!”</p><p>“What?” Dave sounds as shocked and confused as he looks.</p><p>Sollux says to him, “think he means he’s going to practice safe sex when he’s in action.”</p><p>“Yeaaah...” Dave sucks on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t think you’re going to be doing that with him any time soon.” He sounds so angry. Like he doesn’t wanna hear it!</p><p><em>“Oh my goood!</em> Dave!? You’re gonna cock block me?” That’s making you so fuckin horny. You’re giggling and playfully smacking Dave’s chest.</p><p>“No" Dave tells you, "I just meant that he’s like... shy.”</p><p>“Hmm... you sounded pretty grumpy.” And it made your tummy get butterflies. “Do you ever get all defensive when he talks naughty stuff about<em> me???”</em></p><p>“uh... ha... I guess sometimes.” </p><p>You feel your chest tighten. “really?”</p><p>“Oh, if anyone is running John defense,” Sollux tells you, “it’s Dave.”</p><p>“YEAH. DAVE’S ALWAYS MAKING THAT ASSHOLE SECOND GUESS HIMSELF TOO.” Karkat rustles around in the sheets as he turns towards you.</p><p>You turn towards Dave and shout, “you do!?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah.” Sollux nods. “Dave pretty much gets into fights with that guy.” </p><p>“over me?” You whimper.</p><p>“yeah... I guess...?” Dave doesn’t even seem sure, he must not even realize how quick he is to snap at The guy to defend you... Dave’s always been defending you... and your heart.</p><p>“Oh wow...” You slowly snuggle your head into Dave’s chest. “You really are like my little knight, aren’t you?”</p><p>“uh... ha.. I just think you deserve a guy whose like... perfect, you know? And if it’s... gonna be him then he’s gotta shape up.”</p><p>“hmm... what if I end up liking someone else though?” You shut your eyes.</p><p>You’re met with silence. Dave doesn’t respond.  You open your eyes. Looks like Dave is in a trance. You pat his chest. He snaps out of it. He instantly smirks at you, “what? Like who?” Dave smirks like he thinks you're setting up a joke. </p><p>You blankly stare at him. You don’t want to answer. The long streach of silence that fell between you two might have given it away. That or the blush across your face did that just now. </p><p>“John.” Dave sounds as handsome as he looks.  You can’t bring yourself to keep staring.</p><p>“ha...” you turn away from him. It’s hard to look at him in this light sometimes. He’s too beautiful.</p><p>You lay back down on his chest. </p><p>“I don’t know... I..." You let a breath out of your nose. You speak with complete honesty, "I don’t know what I want yet...”</p><p>“But you’ve got options.” Sollux chuckles. </p><p>Karkat elbows him.</p><p>“What?” Sollux mutters under his breath, “I’m just saying.”</p><p>Sollux speaks up, telling you, “John, if you pick out any guy from the roster, this dude behind the IMs is gonna fucking break his neck to give you what you want, whatever you choose, guaranteed.”</p><p>“Ha...Sollux...” You smile as you ask, “are you just saying that cause you’re hoping I pick you?” </p><p>“Obviously.” Sollux smirks. </p><p>Karkat smacks his chest again. You laugh. God you love these three. </p><p>. . .</p><p>You’re already done with your whole pizza and it’s been like what? Three hours? </p><p>Karkat’s scrolling and picking another movie. Sollux just got back from the potty and you’re making Dave touch your tushie. You giggle and start kissing Dave's chest again. You breath out an airy sigh and then ask him, “you know how I said earlier that you’re the Mario to my Luigi cause we’re such close bros!?”</p><p>“Yeah...?” Dave narrows his eyes as he tilts his head.</p><p>You confess, “you look more like the princess from that one game, you know the one with that smash amiibo that a guy destroyed in bulk.”</p><p>Sollux laughs, “you remember that but you don’t remember her name is Rosalina?”</p><p>“Yeah! Rosalina!” You smile. “That’s you, Dave! She’s got the same kind of look you do.”</p><p>Dave tilts his head, “I... really?”</p><p>You nod, “Yeah! She’s got that kind of sexy model pout and you both have the same kinda chin... it makes me feel kinda... um...” you turn your head and see your other two roommates are looking right at you. You turn around and say, "nevermind.”</p><p>"nooo...” Sollux starts patting your side.</p><p>You mumble, “stop!” But Sollux keeps patting you. Prodding you with, </p><p>“John, be honest about how you feel.”</p><p>"Stop! I don’t wanna, not when you two are judging me!” You pout. You know Karkat and Sollux are gonna poke fun of you, you know it!</p><p>Sollux pokes your side as he says, “I’m not judging you, I think Dave’s fucking sexy too.”</p><p>”No! You’re just playing pretend though! I actually think he’s...” your chest gets all tight. “Hmmm!” You turn to look at Dave and it makes you even more frustrated, “HMMM! STOP IT!”</p><p>Dave tilts his head into his pillow even more, "what?”</p><p>"Stop being hot!” You whine.</p><p>"I...” Dave grabs a sheet and starts pulling it over his face. He stops once the fabric reaches the bottom of his eyes. Now the sheet and his bangs are framing two perfectly bright red rubies. “Is this better?”</p><p>“Yes!” You squeak and grab his head. You pull him close and kiss his forehead. “But now you’re too cute!” You start laughing, he’s so shy! Like a little turtle in a shell!</p><p>Dave let’s out a teeny, tiny shy laugh. You kiss him again and pull him close to your chest. You start stroking his hair and softly tell him, “you always know what to do to make me laugh.”</p><p>Sollux’s hand is still on your hip, he’s rubbing your side now. You turn towards him and smile. Karkat is still between the two of you. </p><p>Karkat sighs and focuses his attention back into the screen, you've already got Dave and Sollux's attention, you'll capture his soon too. </p><p>. . . </p><p>Karkat’s been scrolling for another film for what feels like<em> foreeeever.</em> You love cuddling with Dave but you wanna do something more fun than daydreaming about Dave being your babybaby. You start muttering to the whole group,</p><p>"Hey..." You mutter with a friendly tone, "if you each had to take me on a first date..."</p><p>"NO." Karkat straight up denies you your fun.</p><p>"I didn’t finish the question!" You shout.</p><p>"I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH YOU." He's so mean!!!</p><p>Sollux laughs and slaps kk with the back of his hand, "you’d just get right to the fucking, a man after my own heart."</p><p>"GOD." Karkat sighs.</p><p>You speak up again, "but if you had to take me on a first date -like gun to your head! - What would it be like!?"</p><p>Sollux whistles. "Cant be out to dinner. No one cooks better than you, John."</p><p>"Aw!" You just love him. You take a moment to think of a fun date to go on with Sollux, "hmm... maybe scuba diving! that sounds romantic."</p><p>"JOHN, WHAT?" Karkat sounds confused.</p><p>"Yeah!" You explain your thoughts, "it’s like adventurous!" </p><p>"YOU TWO WOULDN'T EVEN BE ABLE TO TALK."</p><p>Sollux defends you, "I like the idea, John. We just point at cool shit and harpoon fish and shit."</p><p>"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT." Karkat mutters.</p><p>"No! I just want to look at the fish!" You don't wanna hurt em.</p><p>"What’s the fun of diving if you’re not also like hunting whales and shit?" Sollux is clearly joking, but there's probably some hidden truth to those words of his.</p><p>"Oh my god, yeah! You used to hunt boars with your brother didn’t you!?" You poke Sollux, he doesn't seem like the type of guy that goes out hunting cause he's such a freaking nerd but he always cares a pocket knife on him and everything for no reason.</p><p>"Yeah, we hunted deer and shit too." Sollux nods.</p><p>"Well we’re not doing that as a first date!" You cross your arms.</p><p>"We can just like, make out on my bed and call it a date. How about that?" Sollux chuckles.</p><p>"Oooo! Yeah, as much as I like that- I still wanna be romanced for my <em>first date</em>! I want a story to talk about." You hold your chin up high.</p><p>"Talk about how you got fucking DPed by one guy." Sollux laughs.</p><p>"HA!" You snot.</p><p>Karkat mutters to himseld, "JESUS FUCKING-" </p><p>"What?" Sollux turns his head to him, "You got a better first date idea?"</p><p>Karkat takes a deep breath, you can just feel a rant coming,</p><p>"I KNOW EXACTLY YOUR IDEAL FIRST DATES. THE FACT THAT YOU ALL DON’T SHOWS YOUR OWN INEPTITUDE WHEN IT COMES TO ROMANCE. JOHN, YOU’D MAKE A BASKET OF FOOD, GO DOWN A NATURE TRAIL AND FEED TURTLES AS YOU TWO SIT ON THE TOP OF ONE OF THOSE SHITTY RUN DOWN WOODEN TABLES. DAVE WOULD SAY HE’D LIKE TO GO ANYWHERE ON A FIRST DATE, BUT THE IDEAL IS THE MOVIE THEATURES SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO TALK AND HE CAN HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN THE DARK WITH NO EYES ON HIM. SOLLUX WOULD WANT TO JUST DRIVE AROUND AND WINDOW SHOP, THEN EAT SOME OF THOSE BOA THINGS AND TAKE A NAP IN A REAL BED. THAT OR JUST PLAY WOW AND ROLEPLAY A DATE."</p><p>Sollux nods. "I would. I fucking would.</p><p>You pat Captor's side, "we know, honey."</p><p>Sollux honestly sounds impressed as he gestures towards his best friend, "he knows us all so well it’s craz-"</p><p><em>"I!"</em> Karkat lets you know he's not done. "WOULDNT EXPECT ANYTHING LESS THAN A RESERVATION AT MORIMOTOS. I’D ORDER FOR BOTH OF US AND HAVE US SHARE OUR MEALS. THEN, I’D HAVE US BOTH GO OUT TO A LAKE, LAY DOWN LATE AT NIGHT TO WATCH THE MOON ON THE WAVES. THE TWO OF US-"</p><p>"The two of us?" Sollux smiles, "Okay, if you’re paying I'll go-" </p><p>Karkat slams a pillow into Sollux's handsome face. Vantas shouts over Sollux's muffles while he smothers the poor thing, “THE TWO OF US WOULD LOOK AT THE STARS AND THEN WE’D KISS AT THE END OF THE NIGHT AND IT WOULD BE PERFECT!” He’s done smoothering Sollux with a pillow now. Sollux coughs as he catches his breath. Sollux pants as he says, "I'll have to save up for Morimotos then, damn."</p><p>"Awwww Karkat is such a romantic!" You clap your hands together as you say, "he already had that all in mind... wow. and that all sounds perfect to me. Jeez, I'd love to go on a good nature walk sometime soon regardless of it being romantic or not, we can make it a nice big picnic... oh, I'm set on it now! We should go a a precursor for my real first date!"</p><p>"Yeah," Sollux elbows you, "and I bet Dave would love going to the movies as a first date to be honest, maybe we should go there all together too, make it a double date."</p><p>"Yeah." You giggle. "Maybe your perfect first date is something you can make a freaking pun out of." You snicker, <em>"A double date."</em></p><p>"SOLLUX WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT WAS A DOUBLE DATE OR NOT-" Before Karkat could even form the next syllable, Sollux already cut him off, </p><p>"Yeah... doesn't matter if it's the four of us going to a movie theater or just the two of us, so long as I can feel up kk in the dark, I'm happy."</p><p>"I WAS GOING TO SAY-" Karkat smacks Sollux's arm and then continues, "-SOLLUX IS PROBABLY SECRETLY THE ROMANTIC TYPE... HE JUST NEEDS TO FIND THE RIGHT FIT FOR HIM."</p><p>"I mean..." Sollux mutters, "I already did, but you don't let me feel you up so-"</p><p>That earned Sollux another smack. Karkat lifts up his pillow and hits Captor, "I'M TRYING TO PAY YOU A FUCKIN' COMPLEMENT, CAN YOU TAKE IT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE A DICK-"</p><p>"How do you know I'd be like a fucking Fabio?" Sollux snaps at his bestie, "if I actually took a chick out to dinner I'd probably rush her home cause I don't play away games."</p><p>You cover your face as you snort. You know he means he doesn't poop anywhere but home. Sollux turns to you as you laugh to say, "I'd fuckin leave her in the parking lot so I could rush home and take a shit." </p><p>You keep giggling as Sollux proudly nods and states, "out of the four of us, I'm probably the fuckin' worst one to date. For sure."</p><p>"NO!" You shout as you smack Sollux.</p><p>Karkat angrily elbows him, "THAT'S SUCH FUCKING HORSESHIT. EVERY CHICK IN THE CHAT SAYS YOU WERE FUN TO DATE."</p><p>"Yeah!" You pout and smack Sollux again, "don't deny how sweet you are to the ladies." </p><p>You elbow Dave, he hasn't said anything yet, he better join in. "Uh- yeah." Dave tells the boy, "if you like... actually decided that you wanted someone, you'd like... see it through and um... treat her well."</p><p>"COURSE HE WOULD." Karkat lifts up and hand and then rolls his eyes, "ALL THREE OF YOU WOULD BE GOOD TO WHOEVER YOU DATE. DAVE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE FLOATING AROUND WHOEVER HE ENDS UP WITH, ALWAYS MAKING SURE THEY'RE HAPPY AND CONTENT. JOHN, YOU ARLEADY ALWAYS TREAT EVERYONE WELL, BUT YOU'D WORK DOUBLETIME TO MAKE SURE THAT... UGH... <em>FUTURE MR. EGBERT</em> GETS EVERYTHING HE COULD EVER WANT BEFORE HE EVEN THINKS ABOUT WANTING IT. AND SOLLUX... SOLLUX YOU ALWAYS MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH. YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, AND 'ROMANCE' ISN'T ALL ABOUT DINNERS AND SUITS AND TIES, IT'S ABOUT AUTMOSPHERE... AND YOU'RE ALWAYS FUN TO BE AROUND... EVEN IF YOU'D A FUCKING PRICK HALF THE TIME." Karkat starts muttering as his words fade off. He stops talking and everyone drops the ball on picking up the conversation. You all lay down in bed, basking in the silence for a moment. </p><p>Well, someone has to have the balls to speak up after that, it might as well be you. "That was such a kind thing to say."</p><p>"WHAT?" Karkat refuses to look at you, he's favoring staring at the screen right now. "EVERYTHING I SAID IS TRUE, IT'S MORE LIKE I'M JUST STATING FACTS."</p><p>"Still." You gaze into Karkat's eyes. For some unknown reason, he decides to turn to look at you. "That was very sweet... and It sounds like you really thought this through."</p><p>He shrugs and then looks back at the screen. "I JUST KNOW YOU THREE."</p><p>"Yeah." You nod. "And I know you guys really well too, but I would have thought Dave would have wanted this big romantic, showy date and you- Karkat - would want something quiet."</p><p>Karkat lets a breath slip out his nose. "I WANT SHOWY AND LOUD."</p><p>"You’ve got one of those things down." Sollux chuckles.</p><p>You slap his arm. "Don’t be mean."</p><p>"I'm not being mean." Sollux smiles at you and then looks at Karkat, "dude, Vantas, you'd be so much fucking fun to date."</p><p>"DAMN RIGHT, I'D BE." Karkat mutters.</p><p>You giggle as Sollux says, "you're obsessed with making everything perfect.”</p><p>Karkat shuts his eyes as he shrugs, "TRUE."</p><p>You laugh and then adjust yourself a little bit so you can get a better look at your favorite grumpy gus. </p><p>Karkat mutters, "PROBABLY BECAUSE I AM PERFECT."</p><p>Sollux joins you in laughing now too. You speak up to correct the record, "all three of you are perfect, and every date with you three would feel like a dream, I'm sure." </p><p>Sollux mutters to himself, "he really thinks a date with me would be perfect? okay?"</p><p>Vantas tells you directly, "SEE I KNOW MY DATES WOULD BE PERFECT, BUT THESE TWO? YEAH... I DON’T THINK SO." He's gesturing his thumb towards Sollux and then Dave and then back to Captor.</p><p>You puff out your cheeks and raise your voice, "Don’t be mean!" </p><p>Karkat pouts, "WHAT? SOLLUX IS ALWAYS GRABBING YOUR ASS. OR MINE. AND DAVE SHAKES LIKE A FUCKING CHIHUAHUA HOLDING IN ITS BLADDER. NO MATTER WHO HE’S WITH, STRIDER'D BE A NERIOUS WRECK."</p><p>You doubt that, Dave is a shy guy but he'd be more confident if he knew for sure he landed a date. And plus, he's probably never gonna find a guy hotter than he is so he'd find comfort in knowing that he's the handsome one. You keep your cheeks nice and puffed out as you huff, "I’d like to picture going on a date with Dave and he'd be just as handsie as my honey bunny and three times as confident!"</p><p>"uh..." Dave sounds like he's shaking. "I think Karkat might be right on this, man."</p><p>"Nooo..." You try to explain, "Daveybaby, you'd talk just like you did when you went over who is the toppyest top out of all of us! And you’d be all excited and grabby..."</p><p>Dave tries to speak up "I-"</p><p>You kick your legs up and demand, "let me have my fantasy, Dave!"</p><p>He shuts up.</p><p>You stop kicking your feet around and settle down. You start indulging in your fantasy, </p><p>"Hmmm you’d be all rough and grabby and- and you’d touch me all over..." You picture Dave taking you out to the mall and offering you up absolutely anything that caught his eye. Drinks, clothes, jewelry. He'd grab your waist and take you all around the place and oh! Into that one clear glass elevator. He wouldn’t care if everyone who's looking can see him fiddle around with your thighs with his knee all while he runs his hand under your shirt and up your back. He'd start kissing your neck and you'd be all giggly! Just like you are when Sollux touches you in naughty ways. Then after the mall, Dave would drive you both back home and you'd come right back here, into Dave's bed. He'd guide you down to the bed with his hands so that you'd lay down flat while he crawls on top of you. He'd stare down at you with those lustful red eyes. He'd lick his front teeth as his shades started falling off his nose. You'd see the gaze of those red hot eyes while you felt his thingy press into your thigh. He'd rub down every inch of your body with his hands. Lick you all over, bite you, claim you as his own. He'd say really nasty things to you and confess how bad he wants to piss down your throat. Hmm. He'd say something like "-John... uhh... you okay?" and "what was that just now about your throat?"</p><p>You sip in some air as you mutter, "yeah... ime fine...  you can do anything you want to me, Dave, you know that."</p><p>"Uh..." You feel Dave's breath on your neck. Suddenly, it all feels too real. You turn your head around and face Dave. He looks so stiff and ridged. </p><p>Sollux pokes your arm and asks, "dude..." You turn to look at him, "dude. You okay?"</p><p>"Oh..." You mutter, "sorry. I was just thinking about Dave." </p><p>"WE KNOW." Karkat's brutally honest with you, "YOU MUTTERED OUT LIKE A WHOLE SCRIPT FOR A PORNO."</p><p>"How long is the mall scene?" Sollux asks. "Follow up question: are we featured in this film?" Sollux gestures to Karkat and then himself. “When do we come in?”</p><p>You smack him on the arm. Shit! That was way harder than you meant it to be!</p><p>You gasp and cover up your gapping mouth, "I'm so sorry!"</p><p>Karkat smacks Sollux across the face and then states, "I'M NOT."</p><p>. . . </p><p>Sollux and Karkat officially called it, they decided it was time to go back to their work and offered to stream with you and Dave tonight. You decided that you’d rather cuddle Dave than play Jackbox so they’re streaming something without you. Probably more GTA. Plus, after your embarrassed yourself by confessing one of your fucked up daydreams out loud, you made the decision to clear the air with Dave again. You told him some line about how this is a whole ordeal for you and you're getting used to the fact Dave is the most handsome man who will ever talk to you, and on top of that you apologized that he'll never be able to find a man cuter. Eventually, you put on that one Ladybug show and you're really disappointed that the guitar boy hardly talks to the blonde guy. That's okay though, they can get married in your dreams. Speaking of dreams, you're hardly watching the show you put on. You've been thinking about different scenarios you could end up in. Hm... what if Karkat is your little lover boy. He does think a lot about romance and that's probably for a reason and he wouldn't be above yelling at everyone that he just had a sexy dream about peeing on your face. Sounds about right. Hm... if Karkat is your darling, then maybe your other two roomies could... maybe... think about giving each other a try. There's something so hot about picturing a guy like Dave getting all twisted up from a nerd like Captor. Sollux better not just feel Dave up though, he needs to really romance the guy and bring him lots of apple juice and kisses. Hm... picturing Dave getting all snuggly on the couch and Sollux kissing the top of his head while he hands him a drink... makes you... kinda... angry. </p><p>At first it was hot picturing Dave and you both laying down in bed and looking up at Sollux while he feels your booties, now it's making you mad. You don't understand why this little black seed in your stomach is punching your heart. Sollux is nice and good, he'd treat Dave well. And Dave is so sweet, maybe a guy like that is what Sollux was always looking for. Still... Sollux probably only really likes chicks, he just munches on your neck for the fun of it. Yeah... Sollux only likes girls. </p><p>Then, all of a sudden, the demon in your gut is gone. You don't feel it's darkness inside you any longer.</p><p>Sollux wouldn’t like Dave, he wouldn’t take him from you.</p><p>Dave’s muttering something in his sleep.</p><p>For a moment you forgot you weren't alone. You've been so focused on your thoughts you forgot Dave was clinging to you while you rest your back against the wall. Dave's head is in your lap. Right now, he's yours.</p><p>You stare blankly ahead. You try not to think about your own feelings. You know you're going to have to confess how you feel later, but for right now, you don't understand your own heart. You can keep this to yourself. Dave's muttering something and rubbing his head into your leg. You keep petting the top of his head as the French show plays on the screen. The girl, Mari, seems so transfixed by this guy she goes to school with, Marinette doesn’t even notice that he’s the same guy that she fights along side of. And that blond haired boy loves the superhero version of her. It’s like what they always wanted was right there in front of them this whole time. They could never see it.</p><p>Whoever this secret admirer of yours is, he’s not gonna keep his identity hidden forever. But to be honest. You’d rather it be a big reveal rather than just an accidental slip. If Nepeta pulled a big whoops and just said “when you and Dave finally get together-“ you’re still sure that your heart would soar, but your IM lover would be devastated and he deserves to tell you himself who he is.</p><p>You take in a deep breath as you pet the top of Dave's head. You feel the silence in the room. Even with Dave in your arms, somehow you feel alone.</p><p>You don't know who your lover is. You don't even want to know right now. All you know is that you really want to talk to him. You want to hear what he has to say himself and not just from Vantas or Captor. God. Thinking about those two. You... you feel alone without them here. It's like your missing half of your being. You love being with Dave, but those moments where you four are together, it's like you're surrounded with warmth. You miss them. Dave churns a little bit and grumbles out a low moan. You look down at him. Half of your lip pulls into a smile. You can never feel upset when Daves around. He always makes your whole world brighter. It makes you happy knowing that you... you make someone else's world brighter too.</p><p>You pull out your phone. It's about time that you messaged him again. You know he probably won't get right back to you, but you should at least confess to him that...</p>
<hr/><p class="john">i had a really hard day...</p><p class="john">but it's okay now cause i remembered how much you love me.</p><p class="john">you and my friends always make me feel happy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. PATIENCE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You hardly got any fucking work done before John decided that you and Sollux need to get into bed, particularly Dave’s bed. John made all three of you sleep under his fuck-ton of sheets and you’d hate to say it, even though you're sweating your balls off, you secretly love every moment of this. Recently, John pointed out -in a passing comment- that you secretly love cuddling and that you just <em>pretend</em> to hate it. God, you hope that’s something Sollux never catches onto. If he ever did, then he’d never stop trying your patience, and then where would you be?</p><p>You toss a little bit to adjust the sheets that are suffocating you. Shuffling around until you turn to face Sollux. He’s muttering something and half his body is sticking out from under the sheets. You can feel how sweaty he is. His skin is sticking to your palm, as well as the sheets. One of his arms is wrapped around your waist. He’s lucky that this is all for John or you’d kick his ass for holding you like this. </p><p>Shit, you forgot that you’re drenched too. God, it’s too hot under these sheets, for you and for Sollux. You're tired as fuck, but still, you muster up the energy to toss every blanket off of your side or the bed and onto John’s side. If he wants to roast, he can roast. You and Sollux are both sweating up a storm and you think your sweater is enough to keep you warm. You two don't need sheets. You can make do.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Sollux is shivering. You forgot that the ac is always blasting in this household. You’re not gonna be able to sleep so long as Sollux's teeth are chattering. You grab a single blanket and pull it off John and Dave, slowly sliding it so as not to wake the two of them up. You cover Sollux with it and then straighten the sheet out so it's covering you as well. You usually move around as you sleep, so you make the decision to tuck yourself in so it stays in place. Once the sheet is secure around you, you lift up one arm out from under the sheets so you can tuck Sollux in too. Unbeknownst to you, the fucker is actually awake.</p><p>Sollux opens his eyes and looks you up and down. You keep on a straight face as he sighs out of his nose and then smiles. He tells you softly, “thanks.” His lisp echoes through the room. John takes in a breath, he lets a hot gust of air out of his mouth and onto the back of your neck. He starts slowly pushing himself up.</p><p>“Hmm…" Egbert groggily mumbles, "what time is it?”</p><p>Dave starts shifting around in bed too. Oh God, you started a chain. You just want to sleep.</p><p>You turn your whole body around and grab John. You pull him back down to the bed and force him to lay down.</p><p>John pauses for a moment processing what’s going on. He gleefully squeaks and grabs onto you. He giggles like mad and then snuggles the top of his head into your neck. Soft ebony strands of hair brush against your chin. He mutters into your shirt, “whatever, I have the day off today." Egbert just caves in the moment you started cuddling with him. John cheers, "let’s all sleep in."</p><p>Egbert smacks his mouth together and yawns, "I wanna rest up anyway!”</p><p>. . .</p><p>It’s only been an hour since you convinced John to sleep in, but he just got a call from his manager’s manager that he needs to come into work. John's sitting up in bed, muttering to the guy, “I don’t think I can, I already made plans.” You can hear his store manager on the other line. It almost sounds like he’s guilting John into coming into work, “come on, John. You’re one of the only one I can<em> actually</em> rely on. If you don’t come in then no one will.” John fully sits up, Egbert's rubbing his arm, “I don’t know, I think I might go overtime if I come in.”</p><p>“You’re only gonna work five hours, so you won’t." The fucker tells him, "I did the math already.”</p><p>John looks down at his sheets, “I don’t <em>knooow.”</em> He starts rubbing a finger along the end of one of his blankets. You can see Dave slowly sit up. His brows are lowered and his mouth is curled into a frown. This dude on the other line better watch his back.</p><p>John mumbles, "I'm no sure that I<em> should..." </em>That tone of his always means he’s about to crack.</p><p>Dave hears it to he shuffles under the sheets and fully sits up, “John, come on.” John turns to him. He looks at Dave with this sort of dreadful look that screams please save me. Dave rubs one of his red eyes and tells John, “you said you were actually going to rest for once.”</p><p>“I know.” John loosely covers up his mic with his finger tips, “but I already put in my two weeks, so I won't be working that much long-'”</p><p>“What?” His manager seemed like he wasn’t informed of this. “You were serious about that?” Huh, maybe he does know. He starts talking about what John's asshole manager told him when he came in.- Apparently they both thought it was an empty threat. You know Egbert he doesn’t say something like that unless he means it. </p><p>John meekly mutters, “Well… I… he made a um... <em>disrespectful comment</em>… and… um... well, I guess that um... I’ve already made plans, so I financially don’t need to keep this job anymore.”</p><p>The man on the other line speaks up again, “you’re saying you found another job? Already?” Sounds almost like he’s amazed John found the time to do that since he works him to death.</p><p>John starts muttering, “uh… well no, kinda… but um…”</p><p>Dave speaks up, he seems furious with the guy on the other line. Apparently John looks nervous enough that it triggered one of Dave’s rage fits. He asks John for the phone with a single gesture.</p><p>John pulls the phone away and towards your side of the bed. He leans away from Dave and shakes his head no. Dave takes and deep breath through his nose and releases it, “fine. Then<strong> You</strong> <em>Tell Him</em> that we’re getting married. Tell him that’s why you’re quitting your job because you’re going to staying at home with people who actually respect you and value your time.”</p><p>John looks at Dave. There’s almost a blankness to John’s confused look, like he’s processing what Dave just said. Dave leans closer to John and basically repeats himself, “I’m paying for your rent so you can be a homemaker, and John, I don’t want you going back to that place if you can avoid it.”</p><p>John turns his gaze towards his phone, he hears the man on the other line take a breath. “You’re getting engaged. Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?”</p><p>“Because you don’t ask about my personal life.” John puffs out one of his cheeks, “and my fiancé is always riding my b-u-t-t about working less. I don’t think I can come in today, even if I want to.”</p><p>“It’s your choice,” the man on the other line says, “but if I can’t get you to come in, I doubt that they can get anyone else to.”</p><p>"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do." John lets out a shaky sigh.</p><p>His store manger on the other line is speaking to someone else, "I've got to go, John."</p><p>John sighs and closes up the conversation with, "oka- and... he hung up."</p><p>John puts down the phone and mutters out, "nice." You don't know why he sounds annoyed, he still gets to sleep in today. John moves closer to Dave. He mutters, "at least I got a fiancé out of this."</p><p>. . . </p><p>You shuffle a bit when John try’s to crawl over you. Sollux fully wakes up and John starts shushing you.</p><p>Sollux doesn’t say anything, you do, “JOHN. YOU'RE NOT GETTING DRESSED SO YOU CAN GO TO WORK. ARE YOU?”</p><p>You just awoke a sleeping bear. Dave sits up and stares at the back of John’s head with an anger almost always reserved for wives catching their husbands cheating.</p><p>John is slow to turn around. His head is slowly, Nope. He’s not even gonna look. He’s just gonna run. “I’m sorry!” John jumps up, crawls over you, and then  knees Sollux, just to fall off the bed. He hits the ground and picks himself up and starts rushing around the bed and towards the door. “I said I’d go!”</p><p>Dave gets up and follows him. “You said you’d rest up.”</p><p>“But Dave, I’m only working two more weeks. I-”</p><p>Dave stands in the hall way. He must be staring John down because there’s complete silence. “You leave for work today, I won’t be fuckin happy with you.”</p><p>“Bu… Dave.” John sounds hurt, then he sound angry, “it’s only five hours, And it’s my call. I can work-”</p><p>Dave slightly raises his monotone voice, “I don’t want you going back there at all. Not after that man’s ‘disrespectful comment’.” Dave got John to turn and huff with that.</p><p>John starts stammering, he sounds stressed but Dave ignores him. Strider turns around and grabs John’s phone. “You’re not going back in. Not today.”</p><p>“Dave!” John rushes over, “don’t grab my phone.”</p><p>“What the fuck?" Dave looks down at John's iPhone with his brows pressed together. "They called you like fifteen times.”</p><p>“Yeah..." John mutters, "they need me that badly today...”</p><p>Dave shifts his body weight as he turns to look at John, “and do they always spam you like this?” </p><p>“No…” John shakes his head. His tone is bold and certain, but only because he is sure that he wants to lie.</p><p>“John.” Dave calls his bluff, he can see through John’s confident act. As does everyone else in the room. </p><p>“Okay.” John gives up, “maybe they do some days but not… all the time.”</p><p><em>“John.”</em> Dave crosses his arms. </p><p>John turns his head over to the door again, he’s looking at the floor trying to ignore the fact that Dave is right. </p><p>“I…” John starts pinching his eyebrows together. He stops even attempting to speak now in favor for pacing around the room. </p><p>Dave looks down at his phone and he moves closer to John. He points down at the phone and tells him, “I bet they could have spent the time they spent spamming you asking other people to come in.”</p><p>John stops pacing around. He looks off at the wall, focusing his eyes on nothing but his mind is still dwelling on everything. </p><p>“John.” Dave says the name of his best friend as delicately as he can, like the words are glass that might shatter if he speaks them. You shuffle up in bed and Sollux follows. Something about Dave’s tone just reveals all the love he holds in his heart, sadly Egbert seems oblivious to the hidden meaning in Dave's words. “I don’t want anyone harassing you or… guilting you to do anything.” </p><p>“I know. I… I know.” John breaths in a shaky breath.</p><p>“Do you even <strong>want</strong> to go?” Dave takes up a harsher tone, one John’s not in anyway shaken by.</p><p>“What? Haha… who in their right mind wants to go to work?” John jests with a hint of a tear on his eye. </p><p>“John.” Dave’s had enough. </p><p>“Dave.” John sounds dejected, “I get it.” He also sounds like he doesn’t want to hear it. “But I know my limits, and the shift I’m covering is for a pregnant woman so-“</p><p>“-So.” Dave interrupts, “If you go in, I’m going with you.”</p><p>“No, Dave.” John smacks his hands onto his cheeks, he rubs a trail of anguish down his face as he begs Dave, “don’t start this shit.”</p><p>“I’m not starting shit and I won’t start shit.” Dave goes over his plan, “I’m just gonna find a table, sit down and… wait there for if you need me.”</p><p>“Huh?” John’s tone screams ‘really bitch?’ “You sure you’re not gonna get into a fight?”</p><p>“I won’t, I know that won’t really help you… just… John. I’m really not comfortable with you constantly working in a place that you hate, a place where the managers spam your phone even after you already said no and, I get it, I know that I might sound controlling or possessive or some shit, but whatever. I don’t care how I sound right now. I’m fuckin’ pissed that you always give your all for people who don’t deserve it.”</p><p>“I…”</p><p>“John. Why waste your time on people who just want to take advantage of your kindness...” Dave reassesses his thoughts and adds in, “of you?”</p><p>You slowly takes in a heavy breath, he sighs it out and mumbles, “God... You are such a butt.”</p><p>John grabs his phone back from Dave’s hand and points at the guy, </p><p>“You honestly made it so I can’t say no to you.”</p><p>John lifts up his phone and starts calling a number from his contacts. He puts the phone up to his face and talks to the person on the other line once he hears a "hello?"</p><p>“Hey.” John sounds so tense right now, with that clenched asshole tone, “My fiancé reminded me that we were gonna video chat my dad at that time, see he works constantly and I can’t cancel on him again. Not with his schedule. I can’t come in.”</p><p>“I really wish you’d honor your commitments when you make them, John.” His store manager sounds disappointed, you feel like fucking slugging him. </p><p>“I… I know, I’m sorry. Uh… bye.” John instantly hangs up with a face that if you didn't know any better, You'd assume that he just got done cutting a wire to defuse a fucking bomb. </p><p>John signs again and slouches forward. His arms are hanging low, just like his head. He mutters in a guttural tone, </p><p>“I really didn’t want to cover that shift... I just felt like... I don’t know." John shakes his head. He slowly straightens out his back and picks himself back up, he looks at the general direction of where Dave is standing. "I... I really don’t know what I feel in general anymore.”</p><p>You all say nothing.</p><p>A silence passes between Dave and John, you all just listen. Listen and wait. </p><p>“The shift manager for today was the guy that called me yesterday, I think if I went in… I might have yelled at the guy." John laughs and hands the phone over to Dave. Dave lifts a hand to grab the phone, both of them hold it, neither of them move. "I kept thinking over his comment... I can't believe he thought he was being funny. He always talks like he's just trying to entertain himself, he doesn't care what anyone else thinks... not our peers, not his boss... I keep forgetting there are people like that in the world. People who just hate everything expect for themselves."</p><p>Dave says nothing. </p><p>"Going back there now, you know... the thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, like something got caught in my throat... I just can’t see myself being happy there... and you’re right, I shouldn’t go back. I shouldn't waste my time and my energy on people who did nothing to even earn my <em>respect.</em> But... I feel like... I don’t know, I’m still responsible to work the rest of the shifts that I’m scheduled to work, that's not completely stupid, right?”</p><p>Dave opens his mouth. John shuts his eyes.</p><p>Egbert mutters, more to himself than to any of you, "I just can't help it, it's the way I've always been. I wish I could just shut it off sometimes and be selfish... I think that's why... I need someone like you in my life."</p><p>John opens his eyes and looks down at Dave's feet, "I'm happy that you and I are so close, Dave. I don't know where I'd be without you sticking up for me against... well me."</p><p>Dave lowers his head a bit more as he turns away, you can see a small hint of a smile cross his lips.</p><p>Strider finally speaks, "you're always the person who cleans up other peoples messes, and that place is such a shit show.”</p><p>John laughs. He's still clutching onto the phone that Daves holding onto as well.</p><p>“Just think of it the way I see it, it’s high stress, low pay... too low for what they put you through daily, so it’s really not worth it.”</p><p>John shakes his head no but his lips mouth, “yeah.” He whispers, “it’s really not.”</p><p><em>”-but..."</em> Dave offers, "if you want to work the rests of the shifts, just think of it as the final stretch, if not... <em>then</em> suddenly you got a fever.”</p><p>“Well I’ve already caught a bad case of loving you.” John leans his head forward towards Dave's chest, he's got that dopey ass smile on your face that makes you want to punch him and hug him all at the same time. Dave let’s out a single laugh, it sounded more like a tsk when he heard John's joke. John leans forward a bit more and hums, as if to ask <em>"well."  </em>Dave's stoic demeaner just melts away, he smiles and chuckles. John's smug face turns into an open mouth smile, he always seems so happy when he gets Dave to actually emote. They look so fucking happy just because the two of them are together. </p><p>This is your final stretch, once the two of them get together you'll be able to finally rest. </p><p>The two of them are still clinging onto John's iPhone, Dave never loosened his grip. John’s about to let go of the phone, when it all of a sudden rings. Dave instantly moves the phone out of John’s hand. He wastes no time answering, “hello?”</p><p>“Dave!” John sounds shocked that Dave would pick up. Egbert changes his expression so he looks insulted. He puts his hand on his hip and extends a hand as he says, “Give me that back!”</p><p>Dave lifts up his hand. The same kind of gesture that would send you in a rage if Strider pulled that shit on you. You'd beat his ass if he put his palm in your face, John just sticks out his tongue and huffs. Dave doesn't even look at John, he just focuses his attention onto the call,</p><p>“Who is this?”</p><p>“This is John’s shift… uh his shift manager.” This is the same fucker that always fucks John over, if you picked up the call instead of Dave, you'd fucking threaten his life, Jesus... you can only imagine what Daves about to do.</p><p>"Dave." John whispers. Dave lifts up his hand again and speaks into the phone, “John called and told your manager that he’s not coming in.” Dave turns fully away from John and takes a step closer towards the door. </p><p>“Okay, but I wanted to let John know there’s only three people on the schedule for-"</p><p>"And." Dave cuts the fucker off as he walks towards the door. "How exactly is that <em>our </em>problem?"</p><p>"Dave!" John whispers. Dave keeps walking as John pleads for his attention back by whisper/shouting "Baby!" </p><p>Dave opens the door and slips out of the room. John wants to follow but Dave turns around and gives him a look. The kind of stare that radiates <em>‘let me take care of this or you're next in line.’</em></p><p>Dave shuts the door behind him. John waits about five seconds before he tosses his head back and groans, </p><p>“Ugh! He’s such a fucking prick right now!”</p><p>“No, John.” Sollux argues, “he made the right call and if he didn’t do that shit I would have.”</p><p>“What? Really?” John turns to you both. He's looking at you now, as if to ask for your two cents. </p><p>“I WOULD HAVE SMASHED YOUR PHONE.”</p><p>John makes a sour face and then pinches his brow together with two fingers, well if he didn't like your honest answer, then he shouldn't have asked.</p><p>“God. You three.”</p><p>John stumbles blindly over towards Dave's bed and sits down on the end of it. Sollux shuffles a bit, forcing you to move with him. He's still got his hand on your hip and guiding you to fully sit up and to turn towards John. Usually you'd scream at him for manhandling you, but right now you need to focus on what really matters.</p><p>“John." Sollux speaks up, "Dave is doing you a favor and… you looked like you were about to cry when the phone rang.”</p><p>“I did?” John sighs.</p><p>“Yeah, man." Sollux sounds as disappointed with the world as you always feel, "you look like you want to die.” </p><p>“I… work is just stressful, but it’s almost over, so I don’t know why Dave’s-"</p><p>You speak over Egbert, “I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WANT TO GO BACK AT ALL."</p><p>“I don’t.” John rubs his fingers under his glasses and over his eyes.</p><p>“THEN DON'T."</p><p>All three of you linger in silence, waiting for Dave to come back. Moments pass without even the sound of the bed creaking or bird's chirping to disrupt it. You just watch the back of John's head and Sollux holds you in place. You couldn't move even if you wanted to. Everything is so still.</p><p>Then finally, Dave comes back. </p><p>You hear the sounds of feet stomping before the door swings open. Dave holds up the phone. He must have put in on speaker, “tell him yourself.”</p><p>You're surprised at Dave's words, even more surprised that It’s his manger on the line now, “John. I understand that you've been having some difficulties with your coworkers and some of the shifts. I completely understand your side of things, and I can see how you're frustrated with all of us. I wish that you would have informed me sooner that you felt the way you did about your workload. I can also understand that you did not want us to call you that many times in one day, but you weren’t picking up." Dave opens his mouth. Then the guy speaks up again, "Even still. You already gave us your answer and we shouldn't have questioned it. So John, If you want to continue working your shifts you can, if you don’t want to come in at all, that’s an option too. Either way, I’m saddened to see you go.”</p><p>You didn't even notice that John stood up somewhere during all of that, he's walking towards Dave, you bet that his eyes are focused on the phone right now. John is holding both his hands up to his chest and he sounds like he's struggling to find the words. John stammers out, “I think… I… I actually would prefer not… Um… I would rather not coming in if… that’s alright with you.”</p><p>“I gave you the option.” His store manager says that like it’s a yes, John's allowed.<em> 'FUCKER.'</em></p><p>"John.” His dickweed store manager starts up again, “you are free to do whatever you want. If you change your mind, call me at any time and I’ll answer the phone, I promise we won’t give you another call. Everything else will be done on my end and you may still receive letters from our company as well as letter about your change in employment, those things I have no hand in and no chance of changing... Other than that, we won’t continue to contact you.”</p><p>“I… alright." John mutters, "thank you.”</p><p>“Thank you, John. It was great working with you, you’re a hard worker and I’m honestly sad to see you go.”</p><p>“That’s alright, I… um… goodbye.”</p><p>“Goodbye.”</p><p>Dave hung up the phone and left his hand hovering in the air. Ending the call between John, and his piece of shit manager. John stood there for a moment, looking at Dave, waiting to know what to think or what to feel. Dave slowly put down his arm and as he did, a small smile slowly grew bigger on his face. John took off running and jumped into Dave's chest, wrapping his arms around Strider's neck and pulling him down so Egbert could kiss the fucker all over. </p><p>"Dave!" John cheers and cries. "What did you say?!”</p><p>“What do you think I said?” Dave smiles, still with John's arms wrapped around him.</p><p>Egbert gives Dave a small pout and puffs out his cheeks, “a threat?”</p><p>“Haha…" Dave glances away from John for a moment. He takes in a long breath, "I didn’t resort to violence though.”</p><p>John pauses completely. He lets go of Dave and backs away. He starts slowly bending his knees up and down till he starts bouncing off the ground. He shouts, “I love you.”</p><p>John grabs onto Dave and starts pulling him. Dave's still laughing, “dude, I just did what you should have done.”</p><p>“I just- ugh!” John drags Dave over to the bed and tosses him down. Oh shit. You're all in serious danger here. Dave's face is completely red, lucky for him John hasn't noticed that Dave's probably got a fucking semi too, once he gets erect John’s gonna notice that. You’ve gotta get John away from him. </p><p>John's eyes are closed and he's shouting, “I’m free! I’m finally free!”</p><p>John keeps bouncing up and down. “I love you! I love you! I love you! I’m gonna make the whole Strider special today! You’re gonna get all your favorite foods for dinner! You're gonna get a nice big lunch too!”</p><p>You jump on the chance to say, “IT’S ALREADY 1:00.”</p><p>John looks panicked. “Oh god- I better start now!”</p><p>"Or..." Dave speaks up. </p><p>You and Sollux both slowly turn your necks to get a look at Strider. Dave clears his throat and mutters, “I can call up Dirk and tell him you had a shit day, he’ll probably drop what he’s doing and order us up something from that vegan place you love.”</p><p>"Oh, I don't know, Dave." John has the same tone as a teenage girl getting lured by her friends out into the woods in a horror flick. “That place is expensive.” </p><p>“I know, that’s why I’m asking Dirk."</p><p>Sollux and you keep staring at Dave. Sollux shoots his head around to look at you, his judgmental smile screams,<em> ‘check out the balls on that guy.’</em> You guess that handling that situation for John got him feeling confident. Yeah, sure. He probably feels big right now, but the moment that John starts petting the top of his head and dining his praises comes around Daves just gonna melt like putty. </p><p>You fully expect John to crawl over Dave and just go to town, kissing his cheek and running his fingers through his hair, instead John sits up from the bed, heads towards the door and tells you all in a happy, singsong voice, "I still wanna make you all some yummies!"</p><p>Dave chuckles and tells him, "you don't have to make us anything, man."</p><p>"Oh no. I want to." John looks at Dave with certainty, "I'm starting to get all sore from sitting around all day, I gotta get up and move!"</p><p>"Heard." Dave nods. "I wanna head to the gym later today."</p><p>"Aw! Well you can wait till after we eat some nice munchies." John smiles and more or less demands that Dave stay put, "for now, I wanna bake you something with the applesauce I made a while back! I better start clearing out some room in the fridge now if cooking for you is gonna be my new full time  gig! And Dave! I’m so excited to be your little homemaking husband! It’s gonna be so much fun spending all day with my guys! And Dave since you’re funding this you get special treatment! Gonna go make them appley cookies for you, my sweetiepie, apple of my eye! I loooove you!”</p><p>John giggles and then slips out of the room, forgetting to close the door behind him. You can hear him skipping over to the staircase. </p><p>Dave smacks his palms to his face. He sounds so weak as he mutters, "he... tossed me down on..." Strider’s hands are turning red now, “he said he...” you can’t hear him as he mutters to himself. You can just hear a tiny whimpering cry. You lean in to listen, “my... homemaking hus...”</p><p>Dave sits up and sighs. He heads over to the bathroom and doesn't say a word to you two.</p><p>Sollux finally speaks up, "wow." You turn to look at Captor. He shrugs, "I guess he needs a moment."</p><p>You narrow your eyes at him and look down at his hand, still firmly placed on your hip. Sollux smiles and let’s go. “Looks like things are going well.”</p><p>You nod, and you’re just happy that Sollux isn’t holding you any longer. <br/>
Sollux lays back down and yawns, “soon they’re just gonna get together, and we’ll be all by our lonesome... watching the two of them date, fall in love, probably listen to them fuck late at night.”</p><p>“GOD.” You growl out the word. You hate the thought of hearing John cry out Dave’s name on repeat every night across from your room.</p><p>Sollux offers, his signature lisp echoing in the room, “you can sleep in my bed. So when that day <em>cums, </em>I'll make you."</p><p>You grit your teeth and let out a low hum. You get it, you told him that jokes are okay when he told you he wants to improve himself, should have told him that Strider’s massive bed is not the stage for him to use for his shit jokes. Suddenly, Captor grabs your waist and pulls you back down to bed, “till then, let’s just cuddle.”</p><p>You’re on your back now, and you turn to face him. You’re fucking ready to kill him for holding you this close to his chest. You look up, Sollux takes it as an opportunity to get another bad joke in, "maybe in the future, we can like... double date?"</p><p>. . .</p><p>Sollux is still rubbing his cheek from how hard you struck him. If he didn't want you to bring down the hammer then he shouldn't make those kind of jokes while you two are in bed together, specially not when Dave's having a fucking crisis. Strider took a fucking cold shower and by the time John got back with a plate of apple sauce cookies he was out and dressed. Must have been like what, forty minuets? Damn, it's kind of amazing how the two of them are synched up. By the time Dave is done with an internal crisis caused by John, John's ready to fuck him up all over again.</p><p>All four of you just got done devouring all the shit Dirk had sent to your place. Vegan cheesy potatoes and pickled onions are actually godly, you wrote them off as dogshit before you tried them, now you’re hooked. But they’re too expensive to eat. Yeah, so the tip must be fucking huge too. That’s why you sent Sollux down to grab it all, at the time you were lying down next to John as Dave massaged his feet. John's been sipping on sangria the whole time, getting <em>mom </em>drunk. Sollux came back up and the moment he did, you told him to go backdown stairs and grab you a glass of iced tea. You expect that while John gets pampered today, you get that treatment too. It's only fair because you're constantly dealing with Sollux's stupid comments and dumb bullshit. </p><p>Jesus, the shit that Sollux keeps trying to pull with you. Apparently since Dave's off limits and he's trying to keep his distance from John and his gay awakening, you're the only one he can pick on and torment. If he fucks with you again you're gonna do worse than slap him.</p><p>Sollux comes back with a glass and he put a bright pink straw in it. He hands you the glass and you keep eying the straw. Sollux laughs and you look up at him. He shrugs as he starts to crawl into bed, "sorry it was the only one left. Plus..." Sollux fully crawls into bed and grabs the straw. He takes in a quick sip and then tells you, "it's cute, it suits you."</p><p>. . .</p><p>You're keeping your distance from Sollux now. He keeps trying to get to you in these stupid little ways. You don't want to fight him, not today. Not when John's finally starting to sing and laugh again... although that could be because he's still <em>mom </em>wasted. </p><p>Right now, Johns lying face down on Dave’s chest. You’re on their right side, Sollux is on their left. Dave's square in the middle of all of you, trapped completely. There's no way out of this. You sure as hell aren't moving to let him out, you're tired and you're tired of Strider constantly complaining how badly he's in love with John and never making a move to do anything about it. It's honestly too bad, Johns starting to fall in love with Dave and Dave is gonna have to learn to fucking deal. Oh no, He’s gonna have to cope with the stress of sucking on John’s balls. You don’t pity him at all, he got exactly what he’s always wanted lined up for his future, all of it. He just has to pounce on the chance to take John and he’s got em. </p><p>John mutters into Dave's neck, “this is the life.” Egbert starts moving down a bit so his ear is right next to Dave's heart, actually, it’s more like he wants to use Dave's boobs like they are pillows again.</p><p>“Uh… this day can’t get any better." John's eyes are closed shut and his glasses are off his face. "I have three handsome guys, I don’t have to work, Dave said he’d marry me, and Dirk got me some yummyness!”</p><p>Dave awkwardly laughs. You narrow your eyes. John sings happily and cheers, </p><p>“<em>I have fridays off now!</em> Everyone has fridays off, we can celebrate my engagement with Dave now! <em>Yay!”</em></p><p>“Heh, I just said that cause it’s the first thing that came to my head.” Dave lifts his shoulders up to shrug, “I thought since you already woke up in bed with me in it, they’d already assume were more than friends anyway.”</p><p>“Yeah and you’re paying my rent too.” John nods and sighs into Dave’s pecs, “makes sense, I get it.”</p><p>Well you don’t. Dave’s honestly acting like that was a nessicary part of his fool proof plan. Yeah no, he didn’t need to add that in. Plus, he probably just said he’d report them both to HR for harassment and John’s managers both got cold feet. That and now that you think of it, Dave <em>is</em> Dirk’s brother... he probably went full crazy and didn’t even notice. Yeah, no one can mess with John while Dave is around, that alone makes you jealous, you want a love like theirs. </p><p>Dave is rubbing circles into John’s back. You’ve got one of his sides. You think he might not notice if you just…</p><p>“Hmmmhmm!” John whines, “<em>Kaaarkaaaat,</em> <em>put your hand back on me!”</em></p><p>“UGH.” You roll your eyes. </p><p>“Actually,” you’re hoping John let’s you off the hook, “I want another group hug.” Of course not. </p><p>All three of you wrap your arms around John. Sollux runs his hand down to his waist. You smack his hand and Captor brings his hand back up to we’re yours and Dave’s are resting. </p><p>“I feel so spoiled,” John giggles. “I get everything I want and then some.”</p><p>“You deserve it, man.” Dave nods. </p><p>“You deserve this kind of treatment too, Dave." John smiles, "we got to find you a lover who can be your mattress.”</p><p>“Eh, I think I'm fine with being <em>your</em> mattress.” Dave should not have said that shit.</p><p>“Ohhh, sounds like someone <em>like-likes</em> me.” John sounds more than happy with that.</p><p>“Ha.” Dave laughs and then kisses the top of John’s head. “It’s cause your my best friend, man.”</p><p>“But... I’m cute enough to fall in love with right?!” John asks Dave like he’s more than hopeful. He’s downright desperate for Dave to say yes. “Like, I know you could get any guy... but what about <em>me?! </em>Am I you know... loveable?”</p><p>Dave gives John a blank stare, Strider won’t be able to respond. You need to intrupt, God damn it, Sollux beat you to the punch. </p><p>“John, basically every guy that you come across wants to pile drive your ass like a Jack hammer. Any guy could fall for you, why do you think the guy that’s hitting you up at three am is so nervous about you being into him? It’s cause You’ve got options man and he knows it. Damn right, you’re cute enough to fucking die for. And any guy would puncture that tight butthole of yours, specially after they taste your cooking. John, you’re like out of my league, Karkat’s and yes- Dave’s too. </p><p>John opens his mouth. No words come out. You lift up a hand and smack Sollux’s. </p><p>. . . </p><p>Great now cause of one of Sollux’s stupid fucking bullshit comments John keeps talking about how handsome he feels and Dave keeps fueling the fire. “Yeah, you’re like beautiful inside and out… bro.” Yeah add in a no homo too, then he definitely won’t pick up you’re the one behind the messages. </p><p>“I love you three... but... I’m like more than sexy, right?” John whimpers, “I’m like dreamy too... like in my old age I’d still be like loveable?”</p><p>“JOHN. YOU’RE PERFECT.” You’re honestly getting annoyed with this, but you know it’s less John finish for complements and more of John figuring out where he is on the gay Totem pole. </p><p>“I am...?” John lifts his head up to get a better look at you after you said he’s flawless, “like... a guy wouldn’t just love me and leave, he’d stay forever?”</p><p>“GOD. DIDN’T YOU ALREADY HEAR FROM A GUY HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU?" You roll your eyes. </p><p>"Yeah! But I mean like... in general! I’m loveable in more than one way!” John whines.</p><p>You’re done, “WHAT IS IT EXACTLY THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, EGBERT?”</p><p>“Um... that... I’m more than just a pretty face. That I’m nice and sweet and every boy loves me.”</p><p>Sollux nods, “oh yeah, that’s a fact alright.”</p><p>"Really?” John asks to confirm, “all boys love me? Even the other um... tiny... guys?” You think he means bottoms... which probably means he’s thinking of someone specific. </p><p>Dave mutters out, “yeah... if any guy got to know you, even just for a day... they’d start to fall in love.”</p><p>You point right at Dave, gesturing for John to look at that and shut the fuck up. </p><p>“IF STRIDER SAID IT THEN IT’S TRUE, SO GET OVER IT.” You toss up both your hands and then turn to your side, away from the sight of John laying on Dave. </p><p>John let’s a tiny sigh out his nose, </p><p>"I really do love you three with all my heart."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. drip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You thought you’d only rest your eyes for a moment but you ended up falling asleep. You felt groggy when you woke up because you spent all day sleeping, but you couldn't drag yourself out of bed... not with John in your arms. </p><p>Shortly after you woke up, John did as well and he actually got up. He gave all three of you a kiss and ran downstairs to get dinner started. Sollux and Karkat dragged themselves out of your bed and you gave them permission to fuck up your laptop. They wanted to go through some of Dirk's old streams as well as Nepeta’s. You just let them have at it. You already told them everything you know a while ago seeing that you have to take sides in this turf war. You don't really want to take part in any of this, but you got to admit that Dirk's got his head in his ass. As his bro, it's your job to take him down a notch, make him more humble. He used to be more humble when he was a kid... probably because he'd run into John every week day at school and Egbert just has that affect on people. Everyone he’s around wants to better themselves. </p><p>You roll your eyes as you push yourself up. You sit up and then grab your phone. You should probably tell John what you just thought. He could use the pick me up... also you just want to talk to him. </p><hr/><p class="honey">hey,</p><p class="honey">i know that you want me to talk to you more often.</p><p class="honey">so i thought i'd just send you a message the moment i got a chance,</p><p class="honey">wanted to tell you that i just thought of you, </p><p class="honey">you're like such a chill, cool, calm guy...</p><p class="honey">and everyone that we know tries to emulate that, so uh...</p><p class="honey">just thought i'd let you know that.</p><p class="honey">um... and that i love you.</p><p class="honey">yeah.</p><p class="honey">uhh...</p><p class="honey">so...</p><hr/><p>You're drawing a blank on what to say.<br/>You scroll up, in desperate hopes that something will come to mind.</p><hr/><p class="honey">i just read your last message.</p><p class="honey">i'm glad that um... thinking of me made your day better.</p><p class="honey">you don't know how much that means to me...</p><p class="honey">but i'm still sorry you had a shit day.</p><p class="honey">if you wanna talk about it let me know.</p><hr/><p>takes a while but you can see that John's typing a message.</p><hr/><p class="john">oh i had a day filled with ups and downs.</p><p class="john">and you know me, i focus on the ups.</p><p class="john">so... i officially quit my job this morning! </p><p class="john">which meaaaaans...</p><p class="john">that i got the time to have a little get together with the whole freaking gang!!!!</p><p class="john">i've got like sooo many ideas in my head, but like i managed to settle on two just for right now,</p><p class="john">i'm thinking of asking dirky and rox what’s a good day where we can all hangout at their place!</p><p class="john">cause yay, pool party!</p><p class="john">and i'm also thinking about hosting a little party this upcoming friday!</p><p class="john">i haven't told anyone about it yet though, so keep it under your hat.</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="honey">promise this'll stay between us,</p><p class="john">:D</p><p class="honey">but you legit haven't told anyone yet?</p><p class="honey">not even your "roomies?"</p><p class="john">not even my roomies!</p><p class="john">but that's just cause got the idea recently to have a party in our garage again,</p><p class="john">and i mean like ten minutes ago kind of recent.</p><p class="john">you know that i'm already super duper pumped!</p><p class="honey">course you're pumped, man.</p><p class="honey">that all sounds cool</p><p class="john">yeah!?</p><p class="honey">and i'm really down to see you...</p><p class="john">yeah!!</p><p class="honey">i'd really love to get together with everyone again...</p><p class="john">but especially me?!?</p><p class="honey">ha. yeah... </p><p class="john">aww!</p><p class="honey">i just really want to see you smiling...</p><p class="honey">and laughing,</p><p class="honey">with everyone there...</p><p class="john">and you wanna eat my cooking!?</p><p class="john">right?!</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><p class="honey">i was literally just about to type that.</p><p class="john">yeah, i noticed that you've been a little hesitant there, buddy.</p><p class="john">is there a reason for why you’re typing so slow?</p><p class="honey">well you know... i'm just trying to be a good listener...</p><p class="honey">let you talk...</p><p class="honey">also my hands are really sweaty.</p><hr/><p>God.</p><hr/><p class="honey">that's um... just what you do to me.</p><hr/><p>Did you really just say that? You need to fucking stop making a fool of yourself!</p><hr/><p class="john">AWWWWWWWWWWEEEEE!</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><p class="honey">sorry...</p><p class="john">what are you sorry for?!?!!?</p><p class="honey">for being really lame.</p><p class="john">you're not lame!</p><p class="john">you're cute!!!!</p><p class="john">i'm so so so excited to bake up that cake you wanted to try again.</p><p class="john">i'm going to make everyone eat a slice!</p><p class="john">even dirk.</p><p class="john">mr. healthy is gonna have to reschedule his cheat day!</p><p class="john">i’m not gonna even give him a chance to think twice cause i'm gonna make all the classics! </p><p class="john">i'm talking stuffed mushrooms, i'm talking cheesy breadsticks far as the eye can see!</p><p class="john">I’m making chicken and rice, takoyaki, chocolate chip cookies, all the yummness you could ever want!</p><p class="john">and i'm making my famous meatloaf too cause i know that's a hit!</p><p class="honey">everything you make is a hit.</p><p class="john">awww, you sweet baby angel cake.</p><p class="john">that's not completely true,</p><p class="john">i've had a few flops, i just don't serve them.</p><p class="john">like one time i made this squash sauce for spaghetti cause i saw a recipe on pintrest,</p><p class="john">i was skeptical but i thought i'd try it out.</p><p class="john">BIG SUPRISE!</p><p class="john">it was shit.</p><p class="john">but nothing ventured nothing gained.</p><p class="honey">you really didn't let your roommates try it?</p><p class="john">nope.</p><p class="john">it was awful. </p><p class="john">I didn’t even let them know I made it.</p><p class="honey">maybe they would have liked it.</p><p class="john">no.</p><p class="john">it was bad.</p><p class="john">mister "i'm quiet cause i wanna listen (and also i'm super cute and adorable)"</p><p class="john">&gt;:p</p><p class="honey">i'm just saying,</p><p class="honey">you do have ridiculously high standards when it comes to serving food, john.</p><p class="john">i know i do!</p><p class="john">and because i have like a benchmark standard that food has to pass to get on my table, i inadvertently made my babyboys picky!</p><p class="john">now karkat keeps saying that every chicken that i didn't make is dry!</p><p class="john">and every time sollux gets sushi at a place he says the rice is shit.</p><p class="john">ugh... and dave has always been a picky picky booty butt!</p><p class="john">growing up the only place he ever wanted to eat was at my dad's joint.</p><p class="john">and then my dad would always end up *politely* arguing with Dave so he could pay for the whole dindin.</p><p class="honey">you sure that dave wasn't just going to your dad’s place just to like... mooch? Knowing that your dad would pay?</p><hr/><p>You’re curious to see how John honestly feels about all of that.</p><hr/><p class="john">oh, i know my dave.</p><p class="john">he always would fight my dad about paying for his meal ever since we were like twelve. </p><p class="john">god.</p><p class="john">he used to sneak money into my dad's tip jar too, and if my dad would catch him do it, he'd pluck the money right out and give it back to him.</p><p class="john">oh my god! wait wait!!!</p><p class="john">you know that dave lived in my place for like a month and a half before we moved to the east coast, right?</p><p class="honey">yeah, i know</p><p class="john">i was so happy to have like a roomie back then,</p><p class="john">and that was like the start of when I learned to love cooking for company!</p><p class="john">Having Dave move in with me was the greatest decision of my life!</p><p class="john">Lead me to become the man I am today! The guy you love.</p><hr/><p>That was right after you graduated, you made such a big deal about wanting to move out that John spread word to his dad. He jumped on the chance to invite you to stay at his place while you got yourself situated. Said something about how you and John should live together for a little bit before you knew if moving in together was what you really wanted or if it would cause a bit of a rift in your relationship. You didn't want to think in those terms, but John seemed so invested in his dad's advice you couldn't say no.<br/>You're glad that things worked out so well, there was nothing that John ever did that got on your nerves or vise-versa. Only thing was that your first day there John's dad made up the couch for you to sleep on it, you were totally ready to spend the night on the couch, but John told both of you off. John told you if you two couldn't share his bed, then he'd sleep on the couch and you couldn't have that, it would have hurt his back. But John was so damn stubborn that his dad gave in after a few seconds into the argument. You guess back then, you'd come over every weekend to study together for tests. You used to take naps at John's place, right in his bed. You knew that you could already handle sleeping in John's bed, you were prepped for it, but John's dad didn't seem happy with the whole, <em>dude sleeping in his son's</em> bed kind of thing at first, he seemed to think it was like improper. That and John already told him that you liked boys so that might have factored in.</p><p>Mr. Egbert got used to every so quick though. He saw how happy John was to wake up with you, he got over it just as quick as he asked you to live with him. Oh shit, John's been typing this whole time.</p><hr/><p class="john">dave used to actually buy stuff for my dad to cook too back then.</p><p class="john">he ate a lot everyday...</p><p class="john">(which is something i'm looking for in a man btw ;B )</p><p class="john">i loved that dave was always so munchy and hungry!</p><p class="john">cooking is like my number one hobby, and cooking for dave was like my super hero origin story.</p><p class="john">i learned how much i can cook in one day from cooking for that hungry, hungry hunk.</p><p class="john">awww and dave used to just sit down at the table,</p><p class="john">and he used to watch my dad and i work in the kitchen together.</p><p class="john">i'd make him little things to snack on and give him kisses for being so patient for his feast. </p><hr/><p>That's another thing that papa Egbert was already used to, John would kiss you every chance he got and that included when you two sat down at the bar in John's dad's restaurant every other day. Even back when you two were in high school. You used to turn red at a drop of a pen too. Good thing that you could always just joke that you were sunburnt and since you're albino, you always were. </p><hr/><p class="john">i'd just walk up to dave and put plate after plate of snacks in his hand, which was no big deal-</p><p class="john">but then i’d always have to fight my dad on who got to plate the main course dishes for Dave.</p><p class="honey">damn, what a lucky guy.</p><p class="john">oh you don't even know, i'm sure my dad's cooking is just a legend to you.</p><p class="honey">yeah, haha.</p><p class="john">his cooking is really good... buuuut....</p><p class="john">my dad is so lame and picky and choosey!</p><p class="john">he'd always like touch up my dishes when i was done with them.</p><p class="john">i made every single plate with love for my best pal and he had to touch em up cause they weren't good enough or something!</p><p class="john">&gt;:T</p><p class="honey">ha. i can imagine how perfect all those plates must have been, i totally get it.</p><p class="john">yeah! i even made something shaped like a smiley face and my dad told me to fix it cause it looked like a kids meal!</p><p class="honey">i would have loved that shit.</p><p class="john">aw!</p><p class="john">yeah well, i didn't let him touch that plate.</p><p class="john">i told him he'd get free reign on the next one, i distinctly remember that cause i hated making that deal, but it was nessicary to give dave like maximum cuteness to match his whole deal.</p><hr/><p>Oh God. He's going to give you a fuckin' heart attack.</p><hr/><p class="john">but like ugh!!!</p><p class="john">cooking with my dad was such a pain!</p><p class="john">it like feels the same as when you write something good and a teacher fills your paper with ugly red marks even though you hardly had any errors!</p><p class="honey">well you always did good in school</p><p class="john">sure did! i always got A's!</p><p class="honey">yeah. uh... didn't you take like ap classes too?</p><p class="john">yep! and dave was there too!!!</p><p class="john">when we were like in our third year of high school, dave really busted his booty studying like every other day.</p><hr/><p>You look away from the messages for a moment. Back during your freshman year, John was so excited for this program that he heard about from a teacher. You loved the idea of spending more time with him and having like a synched up schedule, so you busted your ass to get good grades. You actually studied for exams so you would qualify for the program and then after that, you had to study for those horrible fucking AP classes. But John was so happy that you two spent like almost every moment of every day together. You be staring at him as he sat down at his desk next to yours, he'd be sticking his tongue out, writing down notes and then he'd catch you staring at him... he'd always just break out into a huge grin, just cause he saw you. You. The nobody: Dave Strider was like visible, for once. That scraggly, lanky teenage version of yourself was so hung up over John. You'd sigh whenever you two would part so he could go off to woodshop, you'd just watch him go as you lingered in the hallway. Yeah, well once you started actually keeping on muscle, chicks that would usually pass you by started clinging to you. You couldn't just watch Egbert go by in peace without some ponytail flying in your face. Ha, half the girls that tried to get to know you you legit pointed out that they used to pick on Egbert, then you told them to fuck right off cause you're not making friends with someone who dissed your best friend. You legit lived the "be careful who you call ugly in middle school meme" that or the story of the ugly duckling. Ha, yeah. But like,<em> ugly middle school</em> you is pretty much no different from you now. You'd do anything to spend more time with him and make him happy. FUCK! Egbert is talking again. Stay focused!</p><hr/><p class="john">we were like in this whole engineering program together!</p><p class="john">and i'd get to sit next to my dave for like half my classes for like most of our high school lives!</p><p class="john">we'd work on projects together, except for when we got assigned groups, then we were apart.</p><p class="john">and i'd like get all mopey and i wouldn't be able to focus...</p><p class="john">that or i'd just go up and start helping dave's group instead.</p><p class="john">oh my god! yeah!!!</p><p class="john">that was like the most rule breaking thing i think i ever did in high school lol.</p><p class="honey">bros before assigned hoes.</p><p class="john">*GACK!*</p><p class="john">I mean...</p><p class="john">hahaha... you're so funny!</p><hr/><p><em>'Holy Fuck.' </em>He's trying to flirt with you. How are you going to survive this?</p><hr/><p class="john">but like...</p><p class="john">i was leading up to say something...</p><p class="john">what was i gonna say...?</p><p class="john">:Y</p><p class="john">oh dang, you distracted me with you're charm!</p><p class="john">i lost it.</p><hr/><p><em>'God, he's so cute when he gets all lost like this.'</em> You can't help it, you're shivering.</p><hr/><p class="john">OH WAIT!</p><p class="john">YEAH!</p><p class="john">haha! back on track!</p><hr/><p>He's killing you right now. How is one person pack with this much cute?</p><hr/><p class="john">i was gonna say that doing all that engineering homework every single day made me realize that i'd hate doing that and coding as a career! i just wanted to cook all the time!</p><p class="john">but like working in a kitchen with people who suck sucks!</p><p class="john">glad i'm out of the work force in general.</p><hr/><p><em>'Oh God.'</em> This is a moment where you should say something, you should just say 'that's good' or some shit. Why is this so hard?! Why is talking to your best friend for years this fucking hard!?!</p><hr/><p class="honey">uh yeah, i'm happy to hear that...</p><p class="honey">i know that you hated your job.</p><p class="john">ugh... i don't even want to think about that anymore.</p><hr/><p>Did you mess up? No no, he brought it up right? But still, did you push it too far. You should have left it at one comment, instead you messaged him with like two. God, you're so fucking stupid. You should just like... say something that you know that John would appreciate, something that he would say.</p><hr/><p class="honey">okay, just know that you can always talk to me if you ever need to vent about anything.</p><p class="john">oh! you are so cute!</p><p class="john">when you finally confess to me who you are, you are in for one hell of a snuggle, mister!</p><hr/><p><em>"Fuck..."</em> You whisper to yourself. "<em>nice."</em></p><hr/><p class="john">but anyway, anyway!</p><p class="john">there was something i wanted to say about dave...?</p><p class="john">maybe about school?</p><p class="john">oh yeah!</p><p class="john">lol</p><p class="john">i don't know why i'm so forgetful today.</p><p class="john">maybe because i have a cutey on the other line???</p><p class="john">ANYWAY!</p><p class="john">dave and i had like every class together! cause we were in the same program!</p><p class="john">so i got to know him like really really well, and i know that he's a sweetie and that he's not cheep!</p><p class="john">dave used to buy me little gifts and give them to me in class and sometimes he'd wanna take me to a pizza joint, and one time we went to a fair together and he spent like ten bucks trying to get me a big stay puft marshmallow man!</p><p class="john">i know that he wasn't just suggesting we go eat at my dad's just cause everything was free!</p><p class="john">yeah awww and i forgot dave used to make me these funny little doodles as gifts too! i still have them in my old high school binder somewhere, i threw out like nearly everything from high school but i kept all that stuff cause like...</p><p class="john">i don't know...</p><p class="john">it always made me feel all gitty, and looking at them made</p><p class="john">um...</p><hr/><p>Your brow is pinched together, you lean in closer to your phone... Johns fallen silent for a moment. He keeps typing in something and then deleting it. You feel like you're on the verge of understanding something, then it dawns on you. John is probably too nervous to admit it to you... but he probably... always had a bit of a...<br/>You're face is completely red again. You cover your mouth with your palm. Fuck, your hand is clammy and your face is drenched. How are you supposed to even talk to John in person about any of this? 'Specially when you keep fucking sweating up a storm wherever he even says anything adorable. Which is fucking consistent in this conversation. <br/>Shit shit shit! John just posted something. You lower your hand from your chin and then shake your head just to fix your bangs, they are starting to stick to your face.</p><hr/><p class="john">where was i?</p><p class="john">lol </p><p class="john">oh right!</p><p class="john">dirk would have been in ap classes with us,</p><p class="john">but he always skipped school cause he was a...</p><p class="john">baaaad kid!</p><p class="john">really makes me *almost* regret introducing my cousin to him,</p><p class="john">don't get me wrong, i'm glad jake is a part of our friend group and moved over here with us so he could stick with dirk...</p><p class="john">but jezz dirky is such a meanie to him!</p><p class="john">even back then</p><p class="john">when dirk couldn't get any nookie out of him, he'd just be such a butt to jake.</p><p class="john">ugh, i sometimes don't get how dave and dirk are even related.</p><p class="john">dave is the sweetiest pee and dirk is a jerk.</p><p class="john">love them both to death, but god.</p><p class="john">even nepeta is starting to feud with dirky the jerky!</p><p class="john">granted she picks fights a lot, but those are always like playful.</p><p class="john">she's actually angry with him.</p><p class="john">i need to spend some more time over at roxy's and like lure dirk to come join us for some boba tea or a walk.</p><p class="john">he needs to get out more and get his head out of his own ass.</p><p class="honey">ha! i really wasn't expecting you to say that.</p><p class="john">tell me i'm wrong!!! dirk has an attitude problem and it's only getting worse!</p><p class="john">thankfully, this friday i'm gonna make everyone come over and aww tav can bring his puppy baby!</p><p class="honey">that dog has to be like five years old now.</p><p class="john">still a puppy!</p><p class="john">all dogs are my babies.</p><p class="honey">ha, i know.</p><p class="john">oh! add this to your list of egbert fun facts:</p><p class="john">i pet every dog i see!</p><p class="john">it's gotten me in trouble more than once.</p><p class="john">apparently the beagles that they have sniffing bags in airports aren't supposed to get belly rubs.</p><p class="honey">they're on the job.</p><p class="john">but they are doing a good job!</p><p class="john">AND THEY NEED TO KNOW!</p><p class="john">they deserve treats and scrittches!</p><p class="honey">wait? do you carry dog treats on you to airports?</p><p class="john">dang, i should.</p><p class="john">nah. I just carry some on me when i go out to certain dog heavy places.</p><p class="john">people think it's so weird that i just have the treats on me,</p><p class="john">but it's not like i stuff my pants with apple treats for them... it's for the dogs.</p><p class="honey">you know...</p><p class="honey">there is a whole lists of reasons for why i fell in love with you and stayed stuck in that limbo for years.</p><p class="john">yeaaaaaah?</p><p class="honey">and you just bumped "aimlessly carrying around dog treats" to like a top 50-ish spot.</p><p class="john">oh! that sounds high teir.</p><p class="honey">that's like the S teir level.</p><p class="john">50 DIFFERENT THINGS IS LIKE S TEIR!!?</p><p class="honey">yeah, man.</p><p class="john">HOW BIG IS THIS LIST?!</p><p class="honey">it's pretty long...</p><p class="honey">but that's just like...</p><p class="honey">how much i love you??</p><p class="honey">i guess???</p><p class="honey">you're like... that amazing.</p><p class="honey">and interesting and like... cool and stuff...</p><p class="honey">i don't know...</p><p class="john">so you've got a million reasons for loving me?</p><p class="honey">yeah.</p><p class="john">but you hardly tell me anything about how you feel.</p><p class="honey">okay okay...</p><p class="honey">i'll try to message you more often.</p><p class="john">damn right you will!</p><p class="john">&gt;:V</p><p class="john">every time you get a "dang, i really love this about john" moment,</p><p class="john">hit me up.</p><p class="honey">ha... well maybe i can read something off the mental list i keep to makeup for my silence.</p><p class="john">aw! yeah!</p><p class="john">what's on there!!!!???!??!!?</p><p class="honey">well, for starters</p><p class="honey">i like how easily excited you get over everything that makes you happy.</p><p class="john">well, i don't get pumped for just anything,</p><p class="john">just the stuff that really matters.</p><p class="honey">name one thing in this conversation that you're not pumped about.</p><p class="john">okay!</p><p class="john">there's a lot going on in my life!</p><p class="john">everything is like really exciting and new and fun and stuff!</p><p class="john">and i'm really excited to have my schedule clear so i can bake and cook and hang out with my friends!</p><p class="john">working all the time is so miserable...</p><p class="john">i just wanna be able to chill out and have a bit ol' pot luck with my friendsies!</p><p class="john">i think i've earned it and i've earned the right to be PUMPED!</p><p class="honey">ha, i'm not like calling you out or anything...</p><p class="honey">i'm saying that's a part of why i love you</p><p class="honey">i love when you're excited so like... happy.</p><p class="john">awww</p><p class="john">and i love that my happiness is your happiness</p><p class="john">it's really romantic.</p><p class="honey">ha</p><p class="honey">ha haha...</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="john">sorry, but let's call a spade a spade.</p><p class="john">you're over here, giving me all these tiny little love notes.</p><p class="john">i'm gonna call you out for being romantic.</p><p class="john">even if you start losing your freaking mind over it.</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><p class="honey">you're right...</p><p class="honey">i am having a meltdown.</p><p class="honey">i just never thought about</p><p class="honey">uh...</p><p class="honey">really having a chance with you...</p><p class="honey">and now that i might have one...</p><p class="honey">i'm like kind of freaked out</p><p class="honey">and i'm like hot as fuck over here.</p><p class="honey">shit!</p><p class="honey">i didn't like mean it like that!</p><p class="honey">i mean't like i'm sweating my balls off thinking about you gets me all like tense sometimes and i just...</p><p class="honey">god.</p><p class="john">awwwwww you're such a little sweetie!</p><p class="john">and don't worry,</p><p class="john">dave already told me you get really extra clammy thinking about me.</p><p class="john">It's okay.</p><p class="john">You should see my roomies! All three of them get all sweaty and i'll like randomly find sollux hunched at his desk shirtless!</p><p class="john">you boys are all really funny!</p><p class="john">bonus fun fact: i'm already used to the boys getting all sweaty under all my sheets.</p><p class="john">I just want hugs and cuddles, i don't care about anything else.</p><p class="honey">ha... i just...</p><p class="honey">you know...</p><p class="john">wanna make a good impression?</p><p class="honey">yeah.</p><p class="honey">uh... it's just hard sometimes cause you're like...</p><p class="honey">you know...</p><p class="honey">you.</p><p class="john">i am me, yes.</p><p class="john">:B</p><p class="honey">i mean you're like the kindest guy i've ever met.</p><p class="honey">you're always working hard and taking care of others.</p><p class="honey">you get so excited to cook for everyone else because you're happy to make other people a nice, hot meal.</p><p class="honey">that and make them smile.</p><p class="honey">you're whole life is like dedicated to making every single thing you touch as bright and as beautiful as you are.</p><p class="honey">like i know people use that corny ass line "you're the light of my life"</p><p class="honey">but it's so true...</p><p class="honey">you're like the sun.</p><p class="honey">i'm not the only person that sees how amazing you are.</p><p class="honey">hell, everyone understands exactly why i love you.</p><p class="honey">i just don't think they know how much.</p><p class="honey">but they have like a general understanding, like a ballpark guestament.</p><p class="honey">i'm just over here praying that no one slips and gives out too much info on how, why and when i fell for you when we all get together...</p><p class="honey">i really don't want you knowing who i am just yet...</p><p class="honey">i don't think i can like... emotionally handle it.</p><p class="john">i completely understand.</p><p class="john">i've actually been thinking about that in like the back of my mind recently...</p><p class="john">i have some shy guys in my life and like... pushing you to confess who you are by trying to guess who you are isn't going to make you happy.</p><p class="john">i know you're like a little shy turtle,</p><p class="john">and this is like you're little shell.</p><p class="john">you're just peaking your little head out,</p><p class="john">giving me glimpses of how cute you are.</p><p class="john">one day i'll see how adorable you are and i'll recognize all these little moments that we spent together as friends as something deeper, and more beautiful than that.</p><p class="john">oh god... jesus reading that last part back i sound as corny as you just did!!!</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><hr/><p>Your hands are shaking so much. On top of that you're so fucking sweaty. It's only a matter of time before your phone slips out of your hands like a wet bar of soap.</p><hr/><p class="honey">i loved it...</p><p class="john">well i'm not done, give me a moment to collect myself.</p><p class="john">lol</p><p class="honey">ha...</p><p class="john">okay, okay!!</p><p class="john">what i was saying was that we're both gonna have a better time with this if i just let you talk and listen like you're a blank slate of a person.</p><p class="john">i don't put any faces to your messages and then when i finally see your face, i'll be all shocked and surprised.</p><p class="john">so don't worry about if anyone gets close to telling me who you are.</p><p class="john">it's supposed to be a secret and i'll remind everyone of that constantly!</p><p class="john">i don't want to know, because we're friends.</p><p class="john">and if you wanna tell me all of your feelings like this cause it's easier on you, than i'll listen and play by your rules.</p><p class="john">i promise i'll do my best to not be a butt anymore...</p><p class="john">i feel a bit guilty about the way i've been constantly pointing out how you sound like dave or that you maybe could be dirk</p><p class="john">at this point i'm just referencing random boys in my mental catalogue for no reason and it's not helping you get your feelings out properly.</p><p class="john">i wanna hear everything you've gotta say and if you feel pressured to walk back statements cause you might sounds like X or Y or Z than we're not gonna get anywhere.</p><p class="john">starting right now, i'm just gonna look at you like you're an entirely new person.</p><p class="john">it's easier for me to look at you like i don't even know you yet and i'm trying to learn everything about you from scratch.</p><p class="honey">yeah, that makes sense</p><p class="john">i just wish i had a better way to explain it...</p><p class="john">i don't want you to think that I'm just gonna 100% act like we aren't close or good friends</p><p class="john">i mean... i made it sound that way...</p><p class="honey">john, it's okay. you don't have to second guess yourself.</p><p class="john">yeah.</p><p class="john">just like... it's hard to put a good label on this relationship we're gonna have between us, but we don't need one.</p><p class="john">but lol</p><p class="john">it would be a nice start if i had a better term for you than "the guy sending me anon messages online."</p><p class="john">maybe we can give you a little nickname??</p><p class="honey">sure.</p><p class="honey">but that's not gonna be easy.</p><p class="honey">you kinda call everyone you know sweetie and darling already.</p><p class="john">i guess i can reserve baby or honey for you, tater tot.</p><p class="honey">uh... we can workshop it.</p><p class="honey">i think you already call a lot of people by those names.</p><p class="john">i do?</p><p class="honey">yeah, you call sollux honey a lot.</p><p class="john">cause he eats it a lot.</p><p class="john">and who do i call baby?</p><p class="honey">everyone?</p><p class="john">i mean exclusively???</p><p class="honey">uh... i guess you don't use the term for anyone specific, but you use it a lot... so no one's gonna get that you mean like... me.</p><p class="john">good point...</p><p class="john">maybe if i say "my baby."</p><p class="honey">i...</p><p class="john">awww! that one got you!</p><p class="john">you're my baby now!</p><p class="john">my cutiebaby!</p><p class="john">my little love muffin</p><p class="john">my sugypugy!!!</p><p class="honey">oh... you uh... never call anyone that.</p><p class="john">oh? i don't?</p><p class="john">do you wanna be my sugypugy?</p><p class="john">cause i like cutiebaby!</p><p class="john">or just baby...</p><p class="john">maybe if i just put "my" in front of everything people will get what i mean.</p><p class="john">or lol "my internet babyboy" would probably do the trick.</p><p class="john">shoot, but it still feels wrong. like i need to really think on this.</p><p class="john">i better ask my guys about it.</p><p class="john">SHIT.</p><p class="john">i fucking use "my" to describe like everything!</p><p class="john">ughhh!</p><p class="john">I JUST USED IT!</p><p class="john">how am i supposed to like tell everyone how cute you are over chat if i don't have a little name to call you.</p><p class="john">i'm failing you!!!!</p><p class="honey">you're not failing me.</p><p class="honey">i can't think of anything either.</p><p class="john">why would you make up your own nickname?</p><p class="john">a nickname is bestowed upon you, it's not like a username or a handle.</p><p class="john">you can't just choose to be called something cute.</p><p class="john">shit. i've got to figure this out.</p><p class="john">i'll get back to you, you get to work writing that list.</p><p class="honey">will do.</p><p class="john">wait wasn't there something else you were supposed to be working on...</p><p class="john">oh shit!</p><p class="john">i nearly forgot.</p><p class="john">sollux spoiled your first date plan, but DO NOT worry.</p><p class="john">i am like so in love with that idea, it's totally me.</p><p class="john">and i even told my little honeybunny that i don't care about spoilers for the future.</p><p class="john">i just want to know what thoughts you hold in your heart.</p><p class="honey">i was hoping it would be a surprise...</p><p class="john">it will be! i don't know who the fuck you are.</p><p class="john">and like, i probably don't even remember the first place we ate together too.</p><p class="john">you're golden.</p><p class="john">actually, you're more than golden!</p><p class="john">you're my little star!</p><p class="john">no that sounds too childish.</p><p class="john">gotta think of something more manly for you sugarroll.</p><p class="john">like jake used to call dirk his flame...</p><p class="john">spark!</p><p class="john">no that's stupid.</p><p class="honey">nothing that you ever say to me is stupid, john. i'd love anything you'd settle on.</p><p class="john">awwwww!</p><p class="john">thank you, my little butternut squash babybun!</p><p class="honey">i'll leave you to it.</p><p class="john">see you soon, honey cake!</p><hr/><p>You put down your phone and look up at the ceiling. You're sure that if you get up from bed and then back under the sheets you'd have a reason for why you look so fucking sweaty for when John finally comes back. Then again, you're used to being under that many sheets by now and you weren't sweating your balls off when three dudes were snuggling up to you. Ugh. You don't want to get up. You guess you could lie and say that you've been doing squats, but basic shit like that doesn't get you this drenched. Fuck... you guess it's time for another shower. </p><p>. . .</p><p>When you're out and done you blow dry your hair. You bet John could hear the sounds of rushing water from the pipes, but he doesn't know who that was. Plus, Sollux already took a shower before you. Both Karkat and Sollux are still in your room, watching either Dirk's stream or a snuff film, you can't tell they both sound fucking disgusted and pissed with whatever is on screen.</p><p>You walk out, a towel around your waist. Sollux still has his on too. You feel like pushing Karkat to take one. Mostly cause he reeks but if you all take a shower then you're gonna look less suspicious. Karkat scowls at your laptop screen. He grabs you by your wrist and drags you over to look at what your shit brother did. You get it, Dirk makes some real shit moves when he roleplays a fuckin drug tycoon. What really worries you is if his fans start to realize that Dirk really is this fucking cunning and<em> -potentially-</em> dangerous. </p><p>You listen for about half a minute before you roll your eyes and walk over to your wardrobe. You start stripping off your towel and right away you hear Karkat shout, "WHY ARE YOU GETTING DRESSED OUT HERE?"</p><p>You don't even turn around, you just let your towel drop to the floor as you state, "It's my room."</p><p>You hear Sollux give you a small wolf whistle. Karkat shouts at him, "DON'T EVEN MAKE THAT NOISE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN LOOKING AT HIM!" You let a sigh escape your lungs. Sollux mutters, "do you want me to check him out?" You hear Karkat slap him and hard behind you over by your desk. You start searching through your drawer for something good enough for today. You want to find a shirt that's tight, but not too tight. Maybe something that John might like to see you in. Some days he tells you that you look nice, you're really hoping you can get a complement out of him toda-</p><p>Karkat groans and complains, "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET CHANGED IN YOUR FUCKING BATHROOM SO I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR PALE ASS!?"</p><p>"Ouch." Sollux mutters and it sounds like he's talking to you now, "as a bro, Dave, I think you have a nice looking ass. Got that fit look and that fat look, best of both worlds."</p><p>"SHUT UP. DON'T WANT TO HEAR<strong> IT.</strong> I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT<strong> IT.</strong>" Karkat tells Sollux to sush.</p><p>"We're all men here. Ka-" You just roll your eyes again when Karkat cuts you off,</p><p>"DOESN'T MATTER. I STILL DON'T WANT TO SEE.<strong> IT!"</strong> Karkat argues. </p><p>You turn your head around to tell Vantas, "then don't look."</p><p>Karkat rolls his eyes and then his whole head. You don't know why he's so pissed off about you being naked, whatever, his hang ups are his own. You just carry on while and turn back around while you search through your wrinkled up shirts. Vantas throws in the towel and gets into your bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower. </p><p>
  <em>'Nice. Two birds, one stone.'</em>
</p><p>You whistle to yourself as Captor searches through your bro's stream for more info on what shit he's pulling in game. You feel content, that is until you hear footsteps outside the room. Sounds like John's running up to your door, you pray to whatever god there is that John just knocks and doesn't barge in-</p><p>"Hey boys!" John slams open the door. His eyes are shut closed from his huge grin. "I wanted to know if you'd like some chicken and rice today." John opens his eyes and searches around the room as he speaks, "I'm gonna make it friday so I wanna practice making it... a certain... wa..."</p><p>John's staring right down at your body.</p><p>You're lucky he's not looking at your face. It's contorted in pain and shock. You fix yourself so your back is facing him and not your front.</p><p>John's face is completely red. He looks over at Sollux and then back at you, this time at your face. </p><p>"I- w- th-" John's trembling now. His hand slips off of the door handle and he grabs it again. He shouts, "I'll just make whatever! Kay? Thanks! Bye!"</p><p>You just stand there, feeling like a tornado just passed through, tearing up your whole fuckin' world.</p><p>Your eyes glaze over with a blank look. You turn towards your shirts and you can't even bring yourself to move a hand up. How the fuck are you ever going to finish getting dressed?</p><p>"God. Damn it."</p><p>You hear Sollux lean back in your desk chair just to laugh at you and ask, "Ha... what happened to <em>'we're all men here?'" </em></p><p>You narrow your eyes.</p><p>"Shut up, Captor."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Nakey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“He...” You whisper the word to yourself. </p><p>You struggle for a moment to speak, without enough courage to continue your words, you place a hand over your mouth just as an excuse to hold it shut. You don’t want to, but you finish the words in your mind,<em> ‘he was naked.’</em> Your fingertips loosely grip onto your face. You can feel sweat trickle down from your forehead onto your fingers. You feel that your pants are already tight and getting tighter. Your eyes glance down and focus on your growing erection. You rest your back against Dave’s wooden door to steady yourself. There’s nothing that can save you from this reality. You’re gay and your best friend -for years and years- is capital H-O-T! Hot! ARUGH! Dave already knows you like him on top of all of that shit! God. You dug your own freaking grave! Dave knows that, you told him! So he knows the exact reason for why you got all sweaty. Dave knows you want a guy to tickle your pickle! Dave knows you’re into his muscles and he saw just how nervous you were to get a peak at his bod. </p><p>Ugh! You didn’t even put on a face. You just let Dave know that you were all red cause you saw every square inch of his perfect... side? Yeah. That's right. You didn’t see <em>everything</em>. No. Just a tiny bit. So it’s not <em>that bad.</em> And it’s not bad if you just... slip into your own room and... just fiddle around a tiny bit with your noodle....</p><p>. . .</p><p>THIS IS BAD. THIS IS SO, SO <strong>BAD!</strong></p><p>Dave’s sitting right next to you, leaning against the railing. His muscular arm resting against the metal rail. He’s munching on <em>your </em>cooking and complimenting the dish! He's flipping his bangs and AHH! You can’t get your mind off of him! He’s so seductive! You wanna just lift up your hands and squish Dave’s boobies and kiss that smug, stoic face till it’s covered in smoochies and tinted pink! You want him so so so bad!!!! You’re so freaking horny! That and you fucking feel so fucking guilty for wanting him! Aaaaahhhh!!! Your mind is so divided right now between loving Dave’s looks and hating yourself for loving Dave’s looks!</p><p>You should <strong>not </strong>have jingled your dingle to the memory of seeing Dave’s perfect booty and pecs and abs and that happy trail of his! Even if it makes you happy! And even though Dave’s your bestie, that doesn’t give you permission to just <em><strong>'UGH!'</strong></em> Do this to Dave!</p><p>YOU JUMPED RIGHT TO JACKING OFF THE MOMENT AFTER YOU SAW HIS HOT BOD! You are such a jerk!!!</p><p>You freaking left things on the stove too! You stopped cooking completely so you could take care of your Strider induced hard-on. Not... that it was that bad though. It only took you like three minutes to finish... um... <em>everything</em> up, that and you still managed to make chicken and rice for your boys. Here's fucking hoping that it’s good, even though you couldn’t fucking focus on anything you were doing cause you were to busy drooling over the thought of Dave specless, shirtless and pantless. Fuck, his eyes are so sexy. And those thighs of his, what a sight to see. </p><p>Jesus Goodness. When you were behind the stove, you couldn’t stop thinking about how he could just wrap his legs around you and force you up against his body into a full on hug. You were newly drooling into the food as you thought about Dave cuddling up to you and letting you place your hands on his chest. ‘<em>Yum</em>.’ You bet he really will let you feel up his pecs and his big, strong arms. Yeah... let you feel him ip with your hands you used to touch your...</p><p><em>'GOD! He was NAKEY!'</em> You scream in your head,<em> 'HE WAS FUCKING NAKEY!!!'</em></p><p>You saw some of Dave’s ding-a-ling!!!! You saw his cock and then choked yours and AHHH! Then you went back to cooking like nothing happened! You’re so fucking horrible and disgusting! You just jacked off to thoughts of your friend naked and now you just expect yo have a normal dinner with him!? You saw his peepee and he can’t even bring himself to say one word to you about it! Sollux and Karkat straight up aren’t talking to you, probably because you’re sweaty as fuck. But... they don’t know that you went into your room and jingled your thingy. No one knows. And even if they did know, everyone knows that Dave is like the perfect guy. No one could resist Dave’s charms, no one can blame you for being worked up over him. </p><p>Right... yeah... it’s honestly no big deal, you need to stop acting like this is the end of the fucking world. You’ve seen him naked before! You all went down to the lake and he forgot his swimsuit! He skinny dipped and yeah… you didn’t really see his thingy then… but you must have seen it in a bathroom before. Maybe... you don’t recall. You were never, like, keeping an eye out for a gander at his dingy. But... you probably will be now. God. You hate your own stupid brain for making you think about these things. Dave’s thingy is private, it’s for him and his future perfect lover to gander at. </p><p>Ugh. And you totally gandered at some of it. Yeah, you just totally peeped on your best friend when he was changing and then jerked off to it and you feel FUCKING terrible! But you didn’t see that Much. Just some. His thigh was covering up most of his dingle. But you looked! But you could only see like a tiny bit under his white pubes. Shit... fuuuck... You swear you spotted a thick vein. You only saw so much but he looked thick. You bite your bottom lip. </p><p>“John? John… you okay?”</p><p>You snap out of your head. Dave’s the one calling for you. Dave brushes some of your bangs out of your face. You feel your checks heat up even more as his red eyes peer into yours. Dave calmly tells you, </p><p>“You’re like, sweating.” </p><p>“Yeah.” Sollux adds in, “and like... drooling?” </p><p>“Uh! I’m fine!” You straighten out your back and then hunch over again, “Just… I feel kind of guilty for just walking into your room when the door was closed. I should really knock.”</p><p>Sollux tells you from across the table, “It’s okay, don’t feel bad.”</p><p>“I’m not apologizing to you!” You shout at him.</p><p>“Hey! I was naked too.” Captor defends himself still with a silly smile on his dumb cute face. </p><p>”Yeah! But I didn’t see your peepee!” You stick out your tongue. </p><p>“First of all peepees, plural. Second…” Sollux smiles, “You saw Dave’s cock? Massive right? Like damn.”</p><p>“I, I hardly saw anything…” you feel your cheek with your hand just to check how hot your face is. You turn away from the three of them and blankly stare at nothing as you wonder out loud, “is it really massive?”</p><p>Right away, you can hear Sollux laugh. Your face heats up and you’re quick to shake your head and your hands, “no! never mind don’t answer!!! I don’t need to know. Just... um...” you’re gonna need to talk to Dave about this later, apologize to him properly and confess that you’re really uncomfortable with... what exactly you’ve done. For now just saying sorry with a sufficient, “I’m really really sorry, Dave.”</p><p>”it’s okay, John.” Dave gives you a tiny smile to calm you down, it only makes you more stressed! “Whoa... John, really. Don’t stress about it. It was unintentional... that and we’re all guys.”</p><p>“But...” You stop yourself from talking. You don’t want to finish that.</p><p>“What?” Dave tilts his head.</p><p>“Dude...” Sollux laughs, “were you gonna say that you’re gay or something, so it’s different?”</p><p>You puff up your cheeks and give Sollux a big, awful pouty face. Captor laughs, knowing you’re only puffing up like a blowfish cause he’s right on the money.</p><p>You look at Dave, he seems a bit stunned that you’re this worked up over him. He almost looks stressed... oh God, Dave is stressed cause you’re stressed. How could you forget he’s that much of a sweetie baby muffin pie?!</p><p>You brush a strand of hair out of your face. As you push your bangs away, you bump up against your glasses with the back of your wrist. You have to fix them by rocking them back and forth, ugh. You bet you look like such a dweeb when you correct your vision. You wish you were cool like Dave. When he fixes his shades he looks so sexy. But he always looks sexy. Aw... but wait, he’s stressed so he doesn’t look sexy-hot right now, he just looks sad and kinda panicked... more like sexy-cute. You just wanna take care of him and kiss him all over for having such a sad frown. You mutter under your breath, “pwoor baby.”</p><p>You sigh and adress your stressed bestie. </p><p>“Dave. I’m fine. Don’t worry so much about me...” You try to explain, “it’s just... okay, well I’m starting to see my whole world in a different light and maybe seeing your abs or booty or smile in the past would have made me go ‘oh that’s normal’ now I’m like - you know.” You use your hands to gesture something akin to what you’re feeling.</p><p>Sollux lifted up a brow, “you just mimed and explosion?”</p><p>You nod one slow, resigned nod. “Yeah. And I feel like... I guess... I feel bad!”</p><p>Sollux laughs, “why? You shouldn’t feel bad about wanting Dave’s body, like ninety percent of the men we meet check out Dave. I mean, have you seen that ass?”</p><p>You whine, “yes!” You lift up your hands and shout, “that’s the problem!!!”</p><p>Sollux sighs and puts down his fork. He stopped eating <em>your </em>cooking, whatever he’s gonna say next is gonna be serious. “John, it’s okay to feel something for Dave, even if he’s your best friend. Don’t beat yourself up about finding him attractive. You think Jade or Nepeta would control themselves if they saw Dave shirtless. Jade would be bragging to everyone and didn’t you say Natalie asked you for that pic you took of Dave’s happy-ass-trail?”</p><p>“uh... yeah.” You look away from the table and down at nothing, “I see your point... but still...”</p><p>“But nothing!” Sollux smiles, laughing as he lifts his hand up in the air like he’s throwing confetti. “You’re fine, John. Honestly. Dave’s hot, you’re going through some kind of gay-awakening. It’s perfectly natural. So calm down, you’re fine. You’re totally fine.”</p><p>You pout. You don’t feel fine. You can’t just check out your friend and use the memory of him NAKEY! as spanking material and then turn around and act like that’s fair to Dave. You puff up your checks completely and look around the table. Dave’s staring at you, he still looks stressed, probably cause you’re about to implode in on yourself. Karkat rolls his eyes the moment you look at him and Sollux is laughing like he doesn’t get why you’re upset. You can’t help it anymore, “I can’t stop thinking about Dave’s body and it’s making me upset!” You look at Sollux and give him a fake-mean pout to mimic you and then he laughs. You're starting to feel mad cause he’s not listening to you. “Dave is my closest friend, and I don’t want to like... ruin my relationship with him. Or with any of you... just cause I’m...” you mutter out the final word as quietly as you can, <em>“horny.”</em></p><p>You hear Dave drop his fork. You look over at him. Dave looks stressed but then he gives you a little smile, “dude... it’s okay. I honestly don’t mind.”</p><p>“See?” Sollux gestures over to Dave. His hand wave steals away your attention and your eyes fall back on Captor's dumb stupid kissable face. Sollux gives you a big, happy smile and tells you, “nothing wrong with getting it up for any of us, man. Actually, I'd be damn proud if you were checking me out... shit. Now I'm jealous of Strider." </p><p>You puff out your checks again to hide how red your face is. You wonder if your little internet lover would feel the same. Would the cutie behind the screen wanna to hear that you’re horny for all your guy friends, with an little extra horny on the side for Dave? Just cause Sollux thinks it’s okay doesn’t mean that it is for everyone. Karkat might not like this kinda checking-him-out-like-a-slice-of-meat thing, and wow! Sollux isn’t even giving his besties thoughts the time of day right now! That’s it. You’re gonna let Sollux know how you feel about him and see how he likes it!</p><p>“But, Sollux?" You pout. "Isn’t it<em> wrong</em> that when I look over at <em>you</em> I get all disappointed that your shirt is so baggy?”</p><p>“Why?” Sollux laughs like what you said is unbelievably strange, “what’s there to see?”</p><p>“Your cute tummy.” You mumble. </p><p>”Ha... well if I could find any skin tight shirts that are like extra, extra long, I’d be all over that shit.” Sollux smiles and shrugs his shoulders as he laughs, “or I could just get a normal shirt and it would probably be like a crop top on me.”</p><p>Okay. So the plan kinda back fired. Now you keep picturing Sollux and Dave shirtless. <em>'Awesome. Great. Fabulous.' </em></p><p>And fantastic, Sollux is having a grand ol’ time, just making jokes about how no shirts fit his extra long, <em>extra sexy,</em> torso, but you... you're not having fun at all. You’re in hell. You’re in sexy roommate hell. You grab your temples with your hands and rub. </p><p>“Sollux, I’m telling you I feel bad for like...” You trail off, you don't wanna say it. </p><p>“What?” Sollux finishes the thought. “Objectifying me?”</p><p>You make a sour face. Dave crosses his arms and leans back in his seat, “Captor deserves it at this point.” Sollux is laughing at that comment but you’re not having it!</p><p>“Dave!” You shout and smack his arm with the back of your hand. He’s being so sour! And oh that tone! He better stop being a bad boy or you're gonna give him heck... or a kiss... </p><p>Once Sollux gets done with his giggle fit he says, “Oh, agreed.” Captor nods at Dave, “and you can give me a taste of my own medicine anyway, Strider.”</p><p>Your eyes widen. You pout and then narrow your gaze, honing in on Captor. “You better watch your butt, don’t do that playful sexy thing that turns into the grabby thing with Dave or I’ll get the spatula again.”</p><p>Sollux puts up his hands defense, “Okay! Okay! You staked your claim. But hey, at least leave Karkat for me, will yeah? You can get any guy you want, but for the rest of us, it ain’t that easy.”</p><p>Karkat rolls his eyes, leans over the table and grabs your glass of water, before lifting it up he asks you, “CAN I USE THIS?”</p><p>“Baby.” Captor laughs, “spilling that on my lap isn’t gonna cool me <em>down</em>, but if that’s what you’re into, I’ll do whatever it takes to get you <em>up</em>.”</p><p>Karkat narrows his eyes and reluctantly lets go of the glass. You awkwardly laugh, still feeling tense from picturing Sollux without a shirt. Karkat is still hunched over the table, slowly backing away from the glass. Sollux is still chuckling. You puff up your cheeks and before Karkat backs away, you offer him this, “if you want... I can still grab that spatula.”</p><p>Sollux’s eyes widen as he pushes his chair a bit away from you. Karkat gifts you with a micivious, playful half-smile. Damn it, now you can’t stop picturing smooching him too!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. The clouds look like paper cut outs and the sky feels like a void.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The suns beaming down on you, but it’s a lot less humid than the other day so it doesn’t feel as hot. You’re leaning your arm against the railing. Sitting at your balcony and eating some bomb ass chicken and rice made by your best friend as the cool breeze whips around your town house an through your snow colored bangs. All the while, you’re freaking shit.</p><p>Sollux and Karkat are basically teaming up at the moment to distract John away from you. That's something you're thankful for, you don't need Egbert's eyes on you right now. You probably look like you're on the verge of screaming and jumping off of the balcony. Well! Looks like you can't hide how you feel. You’re right on the edge. You're so fucking ready to just climb up the rail and jump down to the Earth, let’s just hope this fall is able to knock you unconscious.</p><p>You got tense the moment that John muttered under his breath that he was admittedly horny over you. Your heart is pounding and pulsating, it’s mimicking some old rusted machine, one that’s about to break down from over use. You're probably breathing heavy and you can feel sweat pooling on your back and on your palms.</p><p>Karkat and Sollux are aggressively play fighting by bringing up a past argument that’s already been settled between the two of them. The way the fight is going, it's almost like watching two actors on stage reenacting a play. John is threatening to get his spatula for like the fifth time this conversation. Karkat huffs accepting that he really should stop fighting Sollux. Course, not a moment goes by before Sollux decides to bring up an arrangement they made to avoid fighting outside of their sexts, of course, that starts Karkat back up again. John glances at you for a moment, probably just to see how you're reacting to Karkat and Sollux’s screaming match. <em>‘Aww, fuck.’</em> It's so rare that you see John's face tint red, but this past week he's been flaring up constantly, and right now is no exception. </p><p>Your best friend is sweating and shaking, and it's progressively getting worse and worse the longer this meal goes on. You won’t deny it, Johns looking pretty fuckin cute, his cheeks are puffed out while he’s holding in a breath. You’re tempted to kiss his lips just to see if that will knock the wind out of him so he can breathe again. Poor John looks so fucking stressed, and it's making you bug out. John isn’t even looking at you, he’s looking over at the lake behind you. John hurries and turns back to look at Sollux and Karkat, it’s obvious he’s trying to ignore you. </p><p>John listens to the rest of the play your other two roommates are putting on. Sollux is asking if Karkat’s getting as worked up as he is and if Vantas wants to take it upstairs and into his bed. Once Karkat threatens Sollux with a fork, John just shakes his head and sighs. John turns to you, ready to ask you something, then he notices that you're still freaking shit. "Oh, sweetheart." John presses his hand up to his heart, like it's aching. You're in so much pain right now, you’ve never wanted anything more than his happiness, now that he’s looking at you with those sad, sorrowful eyes... you feel like dying. John lifts up his other hand, he reaches over towards you, he hesitates for a moment, but he does it anyway. John places a steady hand onto your shoulder. You can feel his palm sticking to the fabric of your shirt. John plants a kiss on the side of your head, "don't worry about me. It's just... I need a moment to figure everything out."</p><p>You look at John, lifting up your head a bit. Just because he's looking at you, on instinct you flip up your bangs and then, as an apology for being weird, you smile down at him. John quickly rips his hand off of your shoulder he catches it in his other hand. He’s turning to face Karkat again, he tries to join in their play, but his heart clearly isn’t in it. He’s stressed to hell over you. </p><p>John sighs and looks at you again. Just as quick as he turned towards you, he turned away. Egbert slowly turns his head towards you and then squeaks when his eyes meet yours. John smacks his hands onto his face, he's hiding behind his fingers now. His digits are blocking his view through those big chunky glasses of his. John whines out a groan. “Hmm<em>MHHH</em>mm!” </p><p>John tries to mutter out something, but he struggles to get out the words so he gives up. He is clearly flustered and now he’s struggling to express how stressed he’s feeling. You expect he’s going to say something, anything. He just groans again from behind his hands.</p><p>John stands up, his chair screeching against the cement ground as he does. He doesn’t even bother grabbing his half-empty plate, Johns too busy covering his face with his hands. He just runs over to the door and rushes to slide it open, only uncovering his face for a split second. As he steps inside Sollux laughs, “okay, bud. Well take care of the dishes and put away the left overs.” He said that like theirs gonna be left overs. </p><p>John slams the door shut without saying one word. </p><p>You look down at your plate. You don’t want to let John leave your side when he’s this stressed, but it’s clear he needs some time to himself. Right now, things must be difficult on him.</p><p>He can’t really turn to you for comfort cause you’re the source of his troubles. </p><p>. . . </p><p>Once dinner was over you took care of everything, you let Karkat and Sollux go downstairs and work on their characters some more and took care of their plates for them. They need to stream, and you should really start editing their videos again soon. You should make more music or clip compilations of memes or <em>another</em> self-insert fanfic. You need to start doing something other than freakin' shit over John. Maybe you should find another hobby to obsess over for about a week. You need a distraction right now. That’s for sure. </p><p>You finish up with every dish in the sink. Now you’re just standing in the kitchen with pruny hands, wondering if John is in as bad shape as you are at the moment. You sigh. You hear footsteps. You can imagine it’s been an hour since you all finished up at the table, Sollux probably wants another snack or water or something. You roll your eyes and listen to the footsteps that are coming from the staircase. </p><p>You feel a twinge of fear in your chest when you notice they are coming from the staircase by the living room. Johns coming downstairs.</p><p>You try to make yourself seem cool or chill or anything other than freaked out. John doesn’t need to see panic in your eyes just because he came downstairs. He’s gonna get it in his head that you don’t wanna see him so long as he’s twisted up about you. You wouldn’t care if he was disgusted by you or turned on by you, you <em>always</em> wanna see him, no matter what. You put on a stone face and then a small grin as John walks up to the kitchen. When he spots you he stares at you with wild eyes. You can tell he has half a mind to run out. You smile at him anyway with your top four teeth showing. “Yo.” John smiles back, a misshapen, awkward smile. This is so brutal. The kindest thing you can do is just walk away. You smile and tell John you're going upstairs so you can take a nap, "food coma." John let out a weak little laugh, he doesn’t even say goodbye to you. <br/>
<br/>
John was right, this is coming between your relationship, and your heart has never been so broken.</p><p>. . . </p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont even think he wants to look at me anymore</p><p class="jade">Jade: oh come on</p><p class="jade">Jade: dont exaggerate</p><p class="dave">Dave: im not</p><p class="dave">Dave: today at dinner john was avoidin even looking in my direction</p><p class="dave">Dave: and when he finally looked at me</p><p class="dave">Dave: he looked like a panicked animal</p><p class="dave">Dave: and when we talked in the kitchen he looked so scared</p><p class="dave">Dave: like he was a wounded soldier struggling to hold in his intestines</p>
<hr/><p>You're in your room, laying down on your bed and trying to keep everything all together. You decided that you wanted to spill your soul to all your friends. Well, not all of them are here, but the ones that are here are in a good mood. You gain a bit of comfort in knowing that they are happy, even if you're not. </p>
<hr/><p class="jade">Jade: wait... </p><p class="jade">Jade: you mean like he was looking at you in a “he’s so hot I can’t look directly at him” kind of way</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: just like the sun.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; whhhhhaaaaaat?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; fur real!?!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yep.</p><p class="rose">Rose: Is that true, Dave?</p><p class="dave">Dave: uugh</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know</p><p class="dave">Dave: johns just adjusting to liking guys still</p><p class="jade">Jade: and he cant help but stare...</p><p class="jade">Jade: cause youre like the hottest guy we know...</p><p class="jade">Jade: OH YOUVE GOT THIS IN THE BAG!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; just kiss em and youre golden!</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know if johns really like</p><p class="dave">Dave: even ready for anything yet</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dude, he ran away from the table at dinner because you flipped your hair and smiled.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he's smitten.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ahhhhhhh!</p><p class="dave">Dave: god</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: no waaaai!</p>
<hr/><p>They all keep bombarding you at once. </p>
<hr/><p class="rose">Rose: Smooth, Strider.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: thats that shit!!!</p><p class="jade">Jade: SEE</p><p class="jade">Jade: i told you you could do it!!!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: thats waht im saying!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: you flirted with john</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: congrats!!!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: nahhh, he flips his hair all the time.</p>
<hr/><p>Nepeta is just straight up ignoring Sollux now. She's been typing this whole time, she was working on like a whole script.</p>
<hr/><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; step 1: anonymously cause johns gay awaking through IMs</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; step 2: swoop in as yourself and sweep him off his feet!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; step 3: profit??? </p><p class="rose">Rose: I don’t think it’s quite that easy for Dave, Natalie.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: aw yeah, Rosey is rought </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: he’s sensitive :&lt;</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND HE'S SHIT AT HANDLEING SITUATIONS WHERE JOHNS INVOLVED.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: JOHN MUTTERS ONE THING ABOUT BEING HARD FOR DAVE, AND DAVE SHITS THE BED. </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: John really said that!!!!??!</p><p class="jade">Jade: gasp </p><p class="terezi">Terezi: D4MN.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HEY. FOCUS GUYS. KEY POINT HERE:</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: DAVE CAN NOT FUNCTION AROUND JOHN.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: thats not exactly breaking newws</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh, but you should have seen it, man.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave was inches away from passing out.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: karkat and i had to stage a fake fight to cover up how dave looked</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and strider looked like he was about to piss his pants and cry.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta : :33 &lt; shit and cum you mean???</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i wasn't even trying to invite you to meme, but yeah??</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YEAH, EVEN I THOUGHT HE MIGHT HAVE FINISHED IN HIS PANTS FROM HOW SWAMPY HIS PITS LOOKED. </p><p class="eridan">Eridan: jesus</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: it wwas that bad</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh it was hellish.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: like crushin?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: soul crushing </p>
<hr/><p>You let out a groan.</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: like on the scale of 0 to 100 for second hand embarrassment</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i was passing the class with an A plus, i can tell you that.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: thinkin back to that party wwe had for April fools day ages ago, i recall John bendin over in shorts wway too tight for him</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh. that was a bad fuckin day for dave.</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: yeah</p><p class="eridan">Eridan: wwas dave at that level of uncomfortable to look at?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: infinitely worse </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: damn</p><p class="rose">Rose: Sounds serious. </p><p class="aradia">Aradia: 0h if th0se tw0 are talking like friends</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: its seri0us</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: aww</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i love that daves love for john brings all of us together</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: THE G1FT TH4T K33PS ON G1V1NG</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ii already told john thiis iis liike my favorite soap opera</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: it rlly is</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: OKAY, I NEED YOU ALL TO NOT TYPE LIKE YOU'RE BRAINDEAD FOR A FUCKING MOMENT.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: u first</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh shit. hahaha</p><p class="dave">Dave: can we not fight right now</p><p class="dave">Dave: im kind of going through some things</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: right, we should all be focused on dave rn guys.</p><p class="jade">Jade: ummmm are you kidding me</p><p class="jade">Jade: its hard not to</p><p class="jade">Jade: i see red text and my heart rate just goes up</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; heart just go like brrrrrrrrrrr?</p><p class="jade">Jade: exactly</p><p class="rose">Rose: Well, I think that Captor means that we should focus on the situation at hand.</p><p class="rose">Rose: And in all honesty, Dave, I believe that we have no advice we can really give to you that will be helpful in any way, shape or form.</p><p class="dave">Dave: im not looking for advice</p><p class="dave">Dave: not this time at least</p><p class="dave">Dave: i just want you guys to listen to me</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: go on go on</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: we'll listen to your pliet</p><p class="jane">Jane: Plight.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: gazoontight</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Gesundheit.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: stop comboing up on me!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: dave! everyone is cyber bullying me in your chat!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; where are the mods?!?</p><p class="jade">Jade: WHAT GAME ARE THE REFS WATCHING!?!</p><p class="rose">Rose: Dave, just carry on, ignore them.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont remember where i left off</p><p class="dave">Dave: i guess i was thinkin about how fucked up john is over me</p><p class="dave">Dave: and its making me even more fucked up over him</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; and then it becomes even more perpetuating</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; cawght into an infurnte loop</p><p class="dave">Dave: yeah</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; the hornieness keeps increasing!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: HORNY^2</p><p class="dave">Dave: well its not just like that</p><p class="dave">Dave: its more like</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know the word for it</p><p class="rose">Rose: Desire?</p><p class="dave">Dave: i guess???</p><p class="dave">Dave: i just care so much about john and what he thinks</p><p class="dave">Dave: and if he has a crush on me</p><p class="dave">Dave: it makes me even more fucked up in the head</p><p class="jade">Jade: aww we know</p><p class="jade">Jade: and to be real john is probably all twisted up cause he likelikes you and youre his best friend</p><p class="jade">Jade: he probably feels like its a betrayal</p><p class="dave">Dave: i get that</p><p class="dave">Dave: thats how i felt when i first started to fall for him</p><p class="dave">Dave: i felt so bad i liked him cause we were so close</p><p class="dave">Dave: then we got even closer</p><p class="dave">Dave: and i felt even more fucked up over it</p><p class="dave">Dave: and then even more fucked up over him</p><p class="dave">Dave: if</p><p class="dave">Dave: that makes any sense</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ah</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: so thats how it begins</p><p class="rose">Rose: With soul crushing pain.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: and then it continues on</p><p class="rose">Rose: With soul crushing pain.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: and dave my guy</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: its not bad that you wuv egbert</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: im over here feeling that burn too</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: hes mad cute</p><p class="dave">Dave: thanks rox</p><p class="dave">Dave: but im more concerned about john rn</p><p class="dave">Dave: im over my pliet</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; well, next time we all talk with john and we'll let him know it's nawt a betrayal to lust over dave!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; its the natural order of the world!</p><p class="jade">Jade: damn straight</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: second that.</p><p class="dave">Dave: uh</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: goodness</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: its such a good thing you are so handsome dave</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: it really gives us all a crutch to lean on here in our explanation to egbert on why having affection for you is fine</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: but how are we going to explain to john its not a crime to lust over someone like sollux?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: she's right. It’s gonna be a challenge.</p><p class="rose">Rose: Oh. How are we going to manage?</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: uh,,, you are really nice?</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: we could um,,, you know, work with that???</p><p class="jane">Jane: And how do you expect to explain to John it's not a betrayal to like Vantas?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: UM</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: have you SEEN him?!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; HE'S SUPER CUTE!</p><p class="jade">Jade: YEAH!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; JOHN JUST OPENED UP HIS THIRD EYE AND NOTICED!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: blitz his chakras.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; IT'S RWEALLY NOT THAT SUPRISING GUYS!</p>
<hr/><p>A few moments pass between the chat where everyone is typing and then nothing is said. Jade finally breaks the silence.</p>
<hr/><p class="jade">Jade: looks like by the show of hands were out voted here</p><p class="rose">Rose: It really is simpler to convince john that sexually desiring Dave is par the course.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: damn, yeah.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave, if you didn’t look like a model in a perfume ad about to get fucked senseless all the time then where would we be?</p><p class="jade">Jade: truth</p><p class="jane">Jane: Well.</p><p class="jane">Jane: One does have to admit, Dave is very good to John.</p><p class="jane">Jane: And I do mean as a friend.</p><p class="jane">Jane: This isn't an invitation to make some kind of "blow job" joke.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well, dave would do *anything* for egbert.</p><p class="jane">Jane: Yes. He IS a good friend to him.</p><p class="jane">Jane: And yes, that was not an invitation to make a blow job joke.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm not saying it was.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm not saying it wasn't.</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha</p><p class="dave">Dave: guys</p><p class="dave">Dave: thanks</p><p class="dave">Dave: but like</p><p class="dave">Dave: all three of us are</p><p class="dave">Dave: i mean</p><p class="dave">Dave: karkat and sollux are like on top of shit right now</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: for real.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: all four of us together are like the dream team.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and let me tell you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: if dave wasnt so fuckin bombshell hot, john would probably be all over me instead.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but i'm such a good friend too, i would only think about getting together with john for a night of passion...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: not tap that.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU'RE NOT HELPING RIGHT NOW.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: god, I’m so sorry, baby.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you’re right, john would be all over that ripe ass of yours if dave wasn't in the way. </p><p class="karkat">Karkat: GOD.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: lol</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: but for rael </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: everyone chill for a sec</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: what’s up dave?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: why you bugging out so much about john getting a big crush on you?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: isnt that what you want honeybunch?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Roxy is on the right track. We are not getting the full story here.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: yeah</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: and we were just kinda talking over you, baby boy</p><p class="rose">Rose: Exactly, you all seemed to have tainted the story by painting it as if John was so "horny" that he left the table. I doubt that is exactly what happened.</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: yeah how did we get on that track in the first place???</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: actually you know what</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: im looking at you sollux</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: hey no,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm trying to improve myself.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i only get started when someone rubs me the right way.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and that's usually vantas.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Lord.</p><p class="rose">Rose: I'd hate to say this...</p><p class="rose">Rose: But I believe that this all started when Karkat said something about John getting, and I quote, "hard" over Dave?</p><p class="dave">Dave: god</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay</p><p class="dave">Dave: so let me start over</p><p class="dave">Dave: john confessed to me that he liked me not all to long ago</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: raight</p><p class="rose">Rose: Roxy, sush.</p><p class="rose">Rose: Just let the man speak.</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay</p><p class="dave">Dave: um</p><p class="dave">Dave: and when john confessed he got all panicked about how now that he sees hes into guys that his uh</p><p class="dave">Dave: attraction to me</p><p class="dave">Dave: might create a rift in our relationship</p><p class="dave">Dave: so now im worried that he might be right</p><p class="dave">Dave: he had a hard time looking at me when we were sitting down together</p><p class="dave">Dave: and it was kinda cause</p><p class="dave">Dave: something happened between us</p><p class="jade">Jade: gasp!</p><p class="jade">Jade: what happened?</p><p class="dave">Dave: uhhhhh</p><p class="dave">Dave: he might have walked in on me</p><p class="dave">Dave: when i was changing</p><p class="dave">Dave: and saw me</p><p class="dave">Dave: naked</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: OOOOOOOOO OOoooOOOooOoOooOoOo</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; ASDFGHLKJKSLJLKJSU</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: GREAT. THIS SHIT HAS TO HAPPEN RIGHT AFTER I ASKED EVERYONE TO STOP BEING FUCKING BRAIN DEAD.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: HOW MUCH DID HE SEE?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like everything, dave JUST got out of the shower when john walked in.</p><p class="jade">Jade: LUCKY</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he was all soaking wet and standing in front of his dresser, about to get changed.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and he wasn't shy in front of me or karkat at all.</p><p class="jade">Jade: oh i would kill to be you</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and get smacked by karkat everyday?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; stop bragging!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta::33 &lt; ( •̀ω•́ )</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: how is that bragging?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; i want that trashkat smack</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: GOD, SHUT UP.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: ALL OF YOU.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: THIS IS ABOUT DAVE.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND JOHN SAID HE DIDN'T SEE MUCH.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yeah, i guess you're right.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he did ask us if his dick was really as big as we lead on.</p><p class="jade">Jade: IS IT?!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: there's pitching a tent and then there is the shit i've seen coming from dave's sweat pants.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like erecting the tower of babel to touch the heavens.</p><p class="jane">Jane: Can we please shift the conversation back to... whatever it was before?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: okay but, we were talking about dave getting caught with his pants down and then sitting across from a massively turned-on john for dinner less than an hour later.</p><p class="jane">Jane: And then we were also talking about how we all wanted to hear Dave's perspective on the matter.</p><p class="karkat">KARKAT: RIGHT. GOD. SHIT.</p><p class="karkat">KARKAT: SOLLUX, DON'T MAKE ME SIDE WITH CROCKER.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: alright, dave. Tell everyone in the chat that is exactly what went down.</p><p class="dave">Dave: uh</p><p class="dave">Dave: i guess</p><p class="dave">Dave: thats just not the way i would have phrased it</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: whoa,,</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: reallly!?!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh, there was so much sexual tension radiating off of john, he was like a bomb ready to be set off.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he just needs dave to touch the right buttons.</p><p class="dave">Dave: god</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: REALLY!?!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: john had to advert his eyes away from dave when we were sitting at the table,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave was just too handsome.</p><p class="nepeta">nepeta: :33&lt; OH</p><p class="dave">Dave: its more like</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know</p><p class="dave">Dave: john just isnt used to viewing me in that kind of light </p><p class="dave">Dave: and its too much for him</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yeah, and he only got a sneak peak of your cock.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: imagine if john saw it all.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: CAN DAVE TELL HIS OWN FUCKING STORY OR DO YOU WANT TO NARRATE IT ALL!?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh np</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: I’ve got you, dave. I’ll make sure you get a good ending.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: Maybe i'll change it up a bit, instead of you getting out of the shower, i can make it so john gets in with you.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: wait wait wait hold up!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHICH MEANS "SOLLUX, SHUT UP."</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: did john catch you coming out of the shoeower, daveybaby? </p><p class="dave">Dave: uh no</p><p class="dave">Dave: he caught me when i was getting dressed after i dried off.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i was standing at my dresser trying to pick out a shirt i think john would like</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: so he didn't get a full glimpse of your package?</p><p class="dave">Dave: no</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: thats all i wanted to know</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: its good to give him like a sneak peak</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: a trailer to the featured film coming out in theatures</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: i assumer later this year</p><p class="dave">Dave: rox</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: whhhahhutt?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: its okay if youre naut ready for anything!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: john probably needs time for that too</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: so its a good thing that john didnt see anything major</p><p class="dave">Dave: he still saw like pretty much everything</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: just like the important parts???</p><p class="dave">Dave: no i said like everything *but* my dick</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Good lord. We're all talking in circles.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Let me be the one to end this. John caught Dave undressed, their dinner was awkward, and Dave is stressed about it, trying to tell us about his emotions and all of you are insensitive to that.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ohhh we've awoken the 'dave strider protection mode' in him.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: everyone be on your toes!</p>
<hr/><p>Roxy really means everyone except for herself. She's always exempt from his wrath.</p>
<hr/><p class="rose">Rose: Right, then we should do as he says and walk away.</p><p class="rose">Rose: Dave, if you want to continue expressing your emotions on this matter, go post in the channel that no one can reply to and then I will privately message you about everything later.</p><p class="dave">Dave: honestly that sounds more than perfect</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: And you can speak with me over the phone about this.</p><p class="dave">Dave: oh no im going through a tunnel</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Dave, earlier, Karkat had a good point.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You can not function properly around Egbert.</p><p class="dave">Dave: well right now i cant type properly</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You need to learn to deal with your emotions for him.</p><p class="dave">Dave: cant talk bro</p><p class="dave">Dave: im uh driving</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Dave, I expect you make a plan about how you're going to get together with John.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i cant</p><p class="dave">Dave: im dead</p><p class="dave">Dave: a car crashed into me</p><p class="dave">Dave: cause i was driving while i was on my phone</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; okay cool! then i'm gonna go!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33&lt; see you!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: same!</p><p class="dave">Dave: ill see yall at my funeral</p>
<hr/><p>You shut your phone off as quick as you could before Dirk tried to facetime you or call you or whatever. You don't want to be pressured into flirting with, seducing or even talking to John right now. Your heart and mind can't deal with that mental image, even on the best of days. You're still trying to cope with how awkward dinner was and you didn't even say anything about how bad it was to see John when you were doing the dishes. You just want to lay down and rest for a bit, but your mind won't stop racing.</p><p>What are you supposed to fucking do? You can’t even talk to your best friend now with out it being some... some <strong>thing!</strong> You need to steady yourself. Your usual way of coping with stress though might not help you today. Still, might be wise to get all this pent out frustration out somehow. But, you’ll probably just lay awake with shame after fucking yourself hard on your bed.</p><p>Still... it’s kind of tempting to just maybe sit on a vibrator for a while, go over to your desk and get some work done like that. Shit... kinda gets you hot just thinking about acting like a slut... course you can only do that kind of thing in private. You fuckin hate the fact that Karkat overheard you fuck yourself once when he came upstairs to shit. God, and Sollux guessed that you shake uncontrollably when you’re on the edge. You’re just sensitive, anyone looking at you or your personality could see that! Is it really such a stretch that when you get pleasured in the right way you get fidgety from the... um... extra stimulation. Ugh... you hate that Captor thought that was funny.</p><p>Sollux thinks the fact you’re a bottom in theory is funny. You the tall, muscular, John-obsessed gymnut. Probably seems hilarious to him that you want that forty year old guy who owns the gym you frequent to pile drive you. And he grunts whenever he uses that one leg press machine. He definitely sounds like that when he fucks. Ugh. You can just picture him taking dick pics too and posting them online, thinking some chicks gonna eyeball it instead of thirsty wannabe twinks like you.</p><p>"Fuck." Okay. Okay... you're horny enough to get yourself off now, and you don't have to add in the guilt of jacking off to the mental image of your best friend again. But you’re not fucking yourself in here! You’re just gonna jack off in the shower.</p><p>You walk into your bathroom, strip yourself and turn the handle to get the water running. Before you even step in, you start teasing your tip. You’re biting your lip. Damn. That guy from the gym, always taking off his shirt and showing off his huge fucking biceps. You want him to bench-press your thighs while he makes you suck his cock.</p><p>That guy that lives across from you is fucking hot too. You bet if he knew you were gonna touch yourself to the thought of him riding you in the back of that car he’s always working on... he’d consider doing it.</p><p>Waters warm enough now for you to use the shower. You step in and start stroking yourself. You think of all the buff men you know in your life, even English pops into your head... shit, you bet Jake would let you try out anything in bed too and be a gentleman about it. The thought makes you groan, even though you’re too shy to ever consider doing anything with any guy let alone the dude your bro is kinda-sorta after... “hmm...” Jake is fuckin thick though. Jake sent your chat group -the one you use to vent about John- a pic of him holding up his cock once and grinning like he was proud of how fucking big he is and he should be, he's probably as big as you are. Ha, right after he sent that Sollux jokingly thanked him for the spanking material. Jake panicked and said it was for another group he was in. You still wanna know which one and join, you'd love to see more. Hmm... damn, you’re not above the fact you’ve got that pic saved on your phone and you ogle it from time to time. Shit, maybe you should head out and grab your phone. Nah, too much work. You focus instead on the pleasure. Course, like always, your mind goes to its default. John would probably look just as dorkish in a pic like that if he ever took one. </p><p>You can just imagine John, in his bathroom, with a confident pout, puffing up his chest, holding his shoulders back in front of the sink. Standing in front of the mirror gazing at his own reflection. Proudly showing off his meat to whoever he likes enough to share the photo with. That or he’d look so timid and shy, hiding his face behind a faded blue cotton shirt by pulling its collar up and over his nose. John would blush and focus his eyes away from his reflection and his phone. He'd just stare at the wall as he held out his erect cock. Probably stroking it, gearing himself up to send it... to you.</p><p><em>'Fuck.'</em> The thought of John getting <strong>that</strong> fucking hard over you... "shit."</p><p>Then it hits you. </p><p>John saw you fully naked. He did say that he didn’t see much, but he saw enough. He knows what you’d look like if he undressed you, if you two would ever crawl into bed together. He knows exactly what your bare ass looks like. John knows. </p><p>He knows and that’s why he’s been avoiding you, he drooled over seeing you wet and shirtless and even... took a photo of your abs.</p><p>"Fuck. Fuck... shit." You start pulling on yourself even faster.</p><p>You love the thought of sending him a pic back, smiling all smug. Confidently standing in front of your mirror holding up your hard cock and snapping a pic for John to know how fucking hard you <em>always</em> are for him.</p><p>A thought comes into your mind, one of John stating he’d wanna top if he’d ever experiment with a guy.</p><p>John could just walk in here right now, find you with cock in hand and you’d straight up let him demolish your hole. You never considered that John would ever honestly want to use up your body but now, it feels so real. It’s a tangible idea that John would just grab your hips and helplessly moan into your neck while he grinds into your ass. He’d cry out those sweet fucking dorky ass cries as he tells you <em>“Dave... it’s so tight...”</em> He’d struggle to not instantly cum and fuck fuck fuck. He seems so fucking inexperienced and that fucking turns you on. He could moan out anything on accident too. He could cry into your back <em>“Dave... Dave... I love you...” </em></p><p>"Fuuuck." That’s got you good. Your cock is twitching in your hand. You’re moaning out for John to fuck you. “Joaahhhon...” </p><p>You want him to be balls deep inside of you. You want him to literally cry into your back that it’s <em>"too good"</em> while he hugs you. You wanna cum first and have him panic and say that he can’t stop even though you’re finished, he just can’t stop himself from using you. He can fucking take you. <em>“Ah, Dave... I can’t...! Ah! I can’t stop! I’m sorry! It’s too good. It’s too good. Dave. Dave...”</em></p><p>You finish into your hand with a loud grunt.<strong> "Fuck. That’s fucking it."</strong> That’s so fucking good. You pant as you calm down from your John induced high. You sigh and blow air up at your wet bangs as the hot water rushes over you. You pant a bit longer, holding yourself up by resting your arms on the tile wall. You think to yourself... is that fantasy... actually close to being a reality? </p><p>. . . </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: why not tell the entire group this and not just us, dave?</p><p class="dave">Dave: cause i got this feeling earilier that Roxy had been showing my bro all of my messages in the nsfw chat and i honestly dont want him knowing about this</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dude, i’m sure your bro knows how often you beat your meat to John just from how sad you always look.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: SOLLUX.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: okay okay.</p>
<hr/><p>You're laying down with your back flat against your bed. You got dressed and everything after that shower, but you still feel ashamed.</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: i get it.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you're feeling like shit because you know you have a shot with egbert now and it's hard to really imagine it because you felt like it was imposible for years?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: is that it?</p><p class="dave">Dave: kind of</p><p class="dave">Dave: i think thats part of it</p><p class="dave">Dave: another part of it is that im too shy to ever have sex with like anyone</p><p class="dave">Dave: its like i have all these thoughts in my head</p><p class="dave">Dave: telling me im not good enough</p><p class="dave">Dave: im not confident enough</p><p class="dave">Dave: and i dont want to ever ruin my relationship with john</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i get that.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it probably feels really hard to accept that john thinks of you highly enough to want to be not just your boyfriend, but your lover.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: from your perspective, this all probably feels so unreal.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like a dream, but you're so stressed to hell about fucking everything up its more like a nightmare.</p><p class="dave">Dave: yeah</p><p class="dave">Dave: actually</p><p class="dave">Dave: its exactly like that</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i figured.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you're sensitive.</p>
<hr/><p>Finally he gets it.</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: but dude...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: in truth,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and this is not me being a dick and being flirty just cause.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: this shit i'm about to say is me being real with you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'd say make that like your new life goal...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: try to key yourself up to eventually be physical with John.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: if you don’t mentally prepare yourself now, it’s gonna be harder down the line.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i cant just do that</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dude, you can.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i can not assume that john wants me enough to fuck me someday</p><p class="dave">Dave: if i let myself fuckin think that way then its going to break me if he tells me hed never want me</p><p class="dave">Dave: or if he finds someone else or</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dude. john is all over you like youre all that and a bag of chips</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: just practice imagining yourself with john in whatever way you want and then go talk to him like a normal human being after.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you'll start to see that john is thisty over you too.</p><p class="dave">Dave: no fuckin way in hell am i doing that</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: IF YOU DIDNT WANT US TO ENCOURAGE YOU, THEN WHY DID YOU CONTACT US ABOUT YOUR SHOWER THOUGHTS?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: just to brag?</p><p class="dave">Dave: no</p><p class="dave">Dave: i was just thinkin that you guys would</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WERE YOU THINKING THAT YOU WANTED US TO TELL YOU IT'S NOT LIKELY THAT JOHN WOULD WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU?</p><p class="dave">Dave: shit</p>
<hr/><p>That's probably it. That's probably what you are looking for.</p>
<hr/><p class="karkat">Karkat: AS YOUR FREIND.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO YOU.</p><p class="dave">Dave: damn it</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: okay</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: okay</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: neither of us want any of this to be hard on you, dave.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: no one actually wants to make fun of you either, man.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we all love you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we all want you to end up with john because we know how compatable you two are.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you're like the couple to end all couples, and i'm actaully bitter about it...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: BUT not bitter enough that i would stand in the way of you two slowly and steadly coming together.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and about all those comments in our group chat eariler...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: everyone was just excited for you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like i said before, everyone wants you to end up with egbert.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and i just want you to gain enough courage to eventually tell him that you love him.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and enough confidence to say that you're the one behind the messages</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i want you to become more confident in general, at least confident enough to hold john’s hand without passing out.</p><p class="dave">Dave: unlikely </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm saying all this because i love you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i think you need to work on seeing yourself in a better light</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and i know that seeing yourself in a "john worthy" light is really fucking hard.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but you can get there eventually, you need to just listen to when john compliments you and take all those little messages to heart.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: SOLLUX IS RIGHT.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTHY OF JOHN'S HEART.</p><p class="dave">Dave: and im saying that its really hard for me to imagine being with him</p><p class="dave">Dave: having his heart</p><p class="dave">Dave: or letting him use my body</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: don't think in terms like that.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it's like so binary. so one or the other.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you can be with john in little ways first.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it's a gradual process of building up your realtionship.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and you already have a strong foundation.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: everytime you walk into a room, his head just goes up and john has on this big smile.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: like "it's my best friend! it's dave!"</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and he tells you how handsome you are when you smile.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he tells you that one day you're going to make a man very happy.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he always says that he wants you to have the whole world and he's going to be watching over you to make sure that happens.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he say all of that.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and i know its hard for you to really take all that in and process it the way that karkat and i are over here.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but the two of us are putting one and one together.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and john has always been so protective...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: to the point he smoothers you...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: because he cares for you more than any of us.</p>
<hr/><p>You shut your eyes for a moment. Trying hard to not look at your screen.</p>
<hr/><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT SOLLUX IS SAYING IS THAT JOHN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SINGING YOUR PRAISES BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS FELT SOME KIND OF ATTRACTION TO YOU.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: right</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND WE ARE BOTH SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD NOT IN ANYWAY FEEL PRESURED TO JUST COME OUT TO JOHN AND TELL HIM STRAIGHT UP THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM OR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU CAN JUST START TO PAY HIM EVEN MORE COMPLIMENTS.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU CAN ACTIVELY DO MORE, IN YOUR OWN MIND, AND TAKE STEPS TOWARDS VEIWING YOUR BOND TO JOHN AS SOMETHING THAT IS UNBREAKABLE.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and accept that john finds you hot.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND ACCEPT THAT JOHN FINDS YOU HOT.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: the end game goal shouldn't be your main focus.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: don't stress about the final strech.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: focus on what you can do today.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: EXACTLY.</p><p class="dave">Dave: fuck</p><p class="dave">Dave: guys</p><p class="dave">Dave: listen</p><p class="dave">Dave: i can talk to john like a normal fuckin human being</p><p class="dave">Dave: i can hang out with him and cover up all of my emotions for him while i listen to him go on about shiny hunting</p><p class="dave">Dave: and i can secretly send him love notes through an anon fuckin account</p><p class="dave">Dave: thats all shit i can already do</p><p class="dave">Dave: but i just cant see him and me</p><p class="dave">Dave: ever being a real thing</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: AND WHY NOT?</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"You're pathetic, as stupid as you are weak."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: hes</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"Can't see why anyone would want to spend time with you."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: hes him</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"You're still so fuckin' sick looking."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: and you are you.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"You should be more grateful anyone's even taking the time to tutor you, I would have thought they'd just give up on you by now."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: you know how many times you pulled me out of my own head?</p>
<hr/><p>"huh?"</p>
<hr/><p class="sollux">Sollux: forget about john for a moment.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you're one of the chilliest dudes i've ever had the pleasure of meeting.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and you're one of my best friends.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i feel hashtag blessed.</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha dude</p><p class="dave">Dave: dont make shit jokes like that</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and i can just picture you smiling behind your screen.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: can't belive you don't see what everyone else does.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and this isn’t *captor making a stupid fucking joke just to amuse himself* </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: this is me saying this as like another hot blooded man who’s spent a lot of nights alone</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you are hot so fucking hot you make like any straight guy that walks across your path consider playing for another team.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT CAPTOR MEANS, AND HE BETTER FUCKING MEAN THIS, YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH THAT ANYONE CAN SEE HOW HANDSOME YOU ARE.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: ESPECIALLY JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm not trying to score with dave.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: GOOD. YOU TAKE HIM AWAY FROM JOHN, I'LL GUT YOU.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: I'm not trying to date dave either.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: THEN STAY FOCUSED.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: what im saying is</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave, you're so hot that any guy would wanna be the penut butter to your jelly.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: even if that dude had a severe life-threatening allergy to peanuts.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and you know, john wouldn't pick you as his "closest buddy" for no reason.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you out rank me and karkat as much as he likes to say otherwise.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: cause you're always helping him around the house.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and offering up your body as a heating pad.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and as a bed...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and it's not fair that you don't offer that up to all of us if it's just a "friend" thing.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: maybe some guys just want to snuggle up to a homie.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and john tucks you in goodnight sometimes.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: that's brutal.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: DON'T MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it's hard not to.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: LIFE'S UNFAIR. SUCK IT UP.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: can i AT LEAST get a bro cuddle from you or dave from time to time!? I mean... i’d kill to cuddle all three of you again!

</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave, come on, think about all the times i made you laugh.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: or or, how one time i was gonna do the laundry but i found a prime ghostbuster's shirt for you to sniff.</p><p class="dave">Dave: if you want something than just do it</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: it's been so hard to just like... confess i want something like that from all you guys.</p><p class="dave">Dave: why</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: cause it... seems...</p><p class="dave">Dave: gay?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ha</p><p class="dave">Dave: i never thought that stopped you before</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: this is different</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: this isn't like a joke thing</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i really want to get into a snuggle pile with my homies.</p><p class="dave">Dave: how about this</p><p class="dave">Dave: ill make it seem like i want that tomorrow and we can all cuddle up on my bed and watch dirk's stream together so it feels like we're getting work done</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'd love that.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M GOING TO AGREE TO THAT, ONLY BECAUSE IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE US GETTING WORK DONE.</p><p class="dave">Dave: you keep tellin yourself that</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and you keep daydreaming about kissing john on the lips.</p><p class="dave">Dave: dude</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: no, you need to picture it in your mind's eye.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: visualize it until it becomes reality.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and remind me to remind you in like an hour that you're like in the top 5 group of friends i've ever had.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i have got to keep reminding you how fucking cool you are because your shit brain isn't registering how amazing you are.</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha</p><p class="dave">Dave: ill make sure to talk to you later</p><p class="dave">Dave: you guys always pick me back up</p><p class="dave">Dave: but</p><p class="dave">Dave: you know</p><p class="dave">Dave: its kinda hard to see myself as</p><p class="dave">Dave: you know</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: I know it’s hard to see yourself as worthy but by sending john those messages, you just pulled that sword out of the rock and you are now England’s true king.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: once you tell john that you love him, that bitch is going to crawl out of that lake and grant you excalibur</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: Dave is worthy of like a stature many men would kill to be at.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he's arthur and john is the throne of England</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: or maybe john should be excalibur in this metaphor?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: then again excalibur in soul eater really fucking sucked.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: that's not really a prize.</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha</p><p class="dave">Dave: john isnt a “prize” to be won either you know</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: OH, SHUT UP.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: who the fuck are you kidding?</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HE BAKES FOR *YOU* EVERY OTHER DAY.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and he has an ass that makes angles weep.</p><p class="dave">Dave: hes not like a trophy</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: DON’T EVEN PRETEND.</p><p class="dave">Dave: what</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: being with someone like john is like the fucking fairy tale ending we all fucking wish we could have</p><p class="dave">Dave: what is wrong with you two</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: JOHN EVEN TOLD THE ANONYMOUS VERSION IF YOU THAT HE THOUGHT IT WAS HOT NO ONE ELSE CAN THINK ABOUT HAVING HIM CAUSE HE’S ALREADY YOURS. HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE YOUR TROPHY</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay but john is just going through some things</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: LEARN TO TAKE A FUCKING COMPLIEMENT, STRIDER.</p><p class="dave">Dave: umm</p><p class="dave">Dave: you two seem tired</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: OH WHAT GAVE THAT AWAY, JACKASS?</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha</p><p class="dave">Dave: well I dont know if you two helped me or not</p><p class="dave">Dave: but thats usually how these things go</p><p class="dave">Dave: thanks anyway for the effort</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ugh.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: sorry we just bullied you, man.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i'm mostly just pissed that you're that fucking hot and you don't even notice it.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you need to put in the extra effort to try to view yourself in a better light, and we'll actually help you with that when we all aren't sleep deprived.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: THAT AND WE SHOULD WORK ON YOUR CHARACTER SOON.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh yeah,</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: nepeta is on board with karkat's secret plan to fuck over dirk now and she said she’d be willing to meet up with you some time in game so you have more contentions</p><p class="dave">Dave: word</p><p class="dave">Dave: but maybe you two should give streaming a break for the rest of the night</p><p class="dave">Dave: you two seem out of it</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WE AREN'T STREAMING.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WE'RE EDITING OUR STREAMS.</p><p class="dave">Dave: shit</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay</p><p class="dave">Dave: ill make sure i fucking get back on that in the morning after breakfast</p><p class="dave">Dave: ill just</p><p class="dave">Dave: try to ignore the fact that john isnt speaking to me</p><p class="dave">Dave: or looking at me</p><p class="dave">Dave: and if he runs away ill just try to keep focused on my work</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WOW. YOU MAKE EVERYTHING SOUND SO SAD.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: DUDE! WTF!?</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M SAYING THAT JOHN IS TIMID AROUND DAVE BECAUSE HE HAS A CRUSH ON HIM AND HE'S MAKING IT SOUND LIKE JOHN IS AVOIDING HIM BECAUSE HE'S DISCUSTED.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: ALSO I WILL NEVER LIE TO DAVE.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well you don't have to tell dave he sounds depressing like THAT.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: I'M NOT ABOUT TO START TELLING WHITE LIES.</p><p class="dave">Dave: okay guys</p><p class="dave">Dave: im gonna log off now</p><p class="dave">Dave: im just gonna chill for a bit and try to sleep</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: fuck you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: karkat is really about to let you go to bed and he's over here working my ass all night!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: you really are living the dream.</p><p class="dave">Dave: sorry man</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: thems the breaks i guess</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well at least even if i'm forced to stay up it's cause my boyfriend working me hard all night long</p><p class="dave">Dave: youre only brave enough to say that cause hes probably distracted right now</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yeah</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: by my ass</p><p class="dave">Dave: ha i love you</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i love you more</p><p class="dave">Dave: nah i love you more</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i love you most</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: suck on that</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: ARE YOU TWO DONE SUCKING EACH OTHER OFF?</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: OR ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP GOING FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT LIKE THIS?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we're done.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i got the last word in so we're good here.</p><p class="dave">Dave: i love you both</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: SAVE THAT SHIT FOR JOHN.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh yeah!</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: say that when he's around, he'll love it!</p><p class="dave">Dave: good night sollux</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: and make sure you send john another anon love note before you nod off</p><p class="dave">Dave: sure</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: night, man.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: NIGHT.</p><p class="dave">Dave: love you</p><p class="dave">Dave: night</p>
<hr/><p>You put your phone down and lock your screen.</p><p>Okay. You promised you'd message John something, but first you have to think of that something. It's hard to picture what is the right thing to say to him. Now you're messages really feel like they hold weight. If this whole thing really is going to be about <em>you </em>Dave Elisabeth Strider, getting together with John, you can't keep embarrassing yourself. You have to get John to see the softer side of you. The side of you that wants to hold him and brush his hair, but in a romantic way, not in a <em>this is fine cause we're bros and we're just that close </em>kinda way.</p><p>You guess John was trying to think of a nickname for you when you're a mystery to him. You don't know if giving him any suggestions will help though, a nickname <em>should </em>come about naturally. Maybe you can tell him how badly you want to impress him, maybe he'll read that as sweet and not... desperate.</p><p>You sit up on your bed and sigh. "What am I going to do?" You shake your head and ask yourself a question you can't possibly think of the answer to. You don't know where to start or what is the right thing to do. Your closest friends seem to think that John wants to be with you and that you're worthy of him. They want to protect John too, not as badly as you do, but they always have his back. If you weren't worthy of him... they would let you know... and Karkat is too blunt, he'd tell you up front if you weren't worth Egbert's time. Or rather, you're worthy of <em>the Egbert award.</em> Why do they honestly think that John is just a prize to be won? Sure, he's the best guy anyone could ever hope to meet, but he's a person. Not an object.</p><p>Then again... if John ever thought of you in terms like that... like a trophy he can just use whenever he wants... damn. Ha. Well you're not telling John you get off to thoughts like that. You're sure he wouldn't wanna hear you think of yourself in such terms anyway. It's a strange kinda low to reach, but you like the thought of being Egbert's plaything. Hmm... it's terrifying though that now the thought feels real. And since the thought feels real, you have to think in different terms now. Like your fantasies about John have to be realistic now. Sollux even wants your fantasies about John to serve a purpose and prep you for actually being with him. Do you have to write like entire plays in your head now about John coming up to you on the couch and you kissing his cheek and progressively trying to get closer and closer to his lips till he makes the first real move and kisses you? That image feels wrong now, you can't just kiss John like that. You guess he kisses your lips all the time, but it's like friendly to him. Sollux said you should pay John more compliments, you could do that. You could say that his shirt looks good on him, or that his glasses frame his face in a way that makes him look like a sexy librarian. Yeah, you could play that off as a joke. Course... John isn't responding well to your presence right now, using the word 'sexy' might set him off and make him run back into hiding. </p><p>You groan,. Smacking your palms over both of your eyes. You hear someone's footsteps outside your hall. You know who it is, just by the sound. It's followed by a light, gentle knock that you know all too well. </p><p>"Hey... Dave?" John's outside. He sounds so upset and disheartened right now. “Are you up?”</p><p>You suck up everything you have brewing up inside you and brace yourself, “come in, man.” </p><p>John slowly opens the door. He peaks his head in and looks down at the floor with sad eyes, “hey...” </p><p>"Hey. Everything okay?" He doesn't respond to your question. John seems out of it.</p><p>John shuts the door behind him and drags himself over to your bed. You drag yourself across your bed and settle down so then you're sitting right besides him. You ask him, "how are you holding up?"</p><p>"I.. I just... um...” John is tracing his finger tip along the folds in your bed sheet. You know he doesn’t mean anything with that gesture, but it looks so seductive. John looks up at you with these sad, blue eyes. "I have to confess something to you."</p><p>It looks like something is eating him. You nod your head slowly, signaling that you are more than ready to listen. John looks away from you. "I um... god... this is so hard to talk about..."</p><p>"It's okay, man. Just take your time." You gently pat your hand onto his back. John tenses up a bit at your touch. You take your hand off of him, you guess he doesn't want to be touched right now... at least... not by you.</p><p>John looks down at the floor. He avoids looking at you as he prepares to speak. "Okay." John takes in a long breath and then breathes it out. He takes a moment before he resets his thoughts. "So... right after I caught you getting dressed. I... went to my room and... um..." </p><p>Your eyes widen. Staring at him with wild eyes, you realize what it is he's trying to confess. By the tone of his voice, with that much stress tinting his tone, there is no way that he's not talking about... </p><p>"I..." John smacks his hands over his face and over his glasses. He peaks through his fingers to look into your eyes. "I jacked off to the thought of you naked!"</p><p>"Oh." You try your best not to let your joy show on the surface. You simply just nod your head, your eyes are still wide, you hope they don't give away how tremendously fuckin blissful you feel in this moment. It's like God just struck every inner demon that you have out of your body and back down into hell where they belong. You take in a deep breath through your nose and then state, "that's all?"</p><p>"Ha... that's all?" John removes his fingers from his face. He asks you, "isn't that... kind of a big deal?!"</p><p>"Nah, nah." You brush everything off like you aren't screaming on the inside. "I think coming to terms with your sexuality is different for everyone, and like... jacking off to guys is like part of it." You confess, "I've done some pretty strange shit in my time, Egbert."</p><p>"Anything <em>that bad?" </em>John sounds stressed. He's devastated with himself. You feel pain just because he's feeling pain. "Like... anything that soul crushingly bad?" His voice gets higher in pitch as he asks.</p><p>"Oh. Waaay worse." You turn your head away from him and stare blankly ahead. How many times have you sniffed John's shirts while you were jacking off? How many times have you looked at a photo of him simply smiling to beat your meat till it turned sore? How many times have you gotten hard from seeing him bend over? Yeah, John is fine. Honestly, this is more like you getting a taste of your own medicine and you'd fucking be down for another doze. "Infinitely worse, John."</p><p>"...really?" John looks at you like a bunny getting coaxed out of a bush because you've got a handful of treats for him. </p><p>"Ha... yeah." You nod your head and look back at him. "I've been like there and back and I keep making return trips."</p><p>"Like, honestly? You're not telling me that to make me feel better?" John sounds a bit more relieved now. </p><p>"Dude." You give him a look and laugh through your nose. "Do you know who you are talking to?"</p><p>"My best friend..." John smacks his hands over his face again, bumping his palms against his glasses. "Who I freaking jacked off to after<em> I</em> invaded <em>his</em> personal space! ARUGH!" John groans. "I feel like such a icky, sticky pervert! I mean what kinda guy does that!? I've been feeling like shit all day and I wanna tear my hair out and I can't even look at you cause I feel so guilty and- and now it's coming in-between the two of us and our relationship! This is exactly what I didn't want!" </p><p>You get it. You don't want your feelings for him ruining your friendship either... but you can't tell him that. Instead, you simply smile and laugh it off like it's no big deal.</p><p>"Hahaha, dude. Don't feel bad, honestly, I'm way less clean than you think. You would not believe the shit I have under my bed. Let me tell you."</p><p>"then..." John slowly reveals his face from his hands and mutters, "...tell me."</p><p>"Ha... I mean, if it'll make you feel better... I'll show you." Shit. You should not have suggested that. </p><p>John slowly sits up, "huh? Like... you really have some... sexy stuff under there?"</p><p>"Dude. Don't make me say it." You look away from John, you're starting to feel nervous.</p><p>"What?" John looks at you, a hint of curiosity and anxiety in his eyes, "don't make you say what?"</p><p>"You know who my twin is. It's like in my fucking genes or something to be fucked up."</p><p>"Haha!" John laughs. "Fucked up!? Then what is under there!" John looks down at your bed.</p><p>You sit up and sigh like you're about to work on your bike. You get on the ground and drag up your box of things. If this doesn't prove that you're lonely, nothing will.</p><p>John tilts his head, curiously trying to figure out exactly what is in that box. You just rip off the band-aid and lift up the top. John instantly gasps, his eyes are outlining each corner of the box. Looking at the red, bubblegum pink, baby blue, teal and cobalt vibrators, anal beads and dildos. There's a few different types of lubes in there too, along with a fleshlight. A fucking fleshlight.</p><p>"Oh my gosh..." Johns slightly panting. He looks like he's shaken down to his core from taking in the sight of what you do when John is gone from the place and your other two roommates are busy fighting downstairs. You shut the box and laugh. "So... yeah, I think this proves I'm a bigger pervert than you are, man."</p><p>"Wow." John's eyes haven't moved from your sheets. He's zoned out completely. "I uh... I'm getting a lot of... mental images..."</p><p>"And I don't blame you." You shut your mouth. You meant that as a <em>'it's okay you feel that way, John'</em> instead it sounds more like <em>'I'm so fuckin hot, I don't blame you, Egbert.'</em></p><p>John lets out a quiet laugh. "Okay, but it's still like... wrong to me... I don't wanna like..."</p><p>"Objectify me?" You actually let out a laugh at that. "John, you do realize that my user name is yourdadscock for a reason, right?"</p><p>John looks up at you.</p><p>"I'm like... super into almost every guy I met, I'm like keyed up to fuck cartoon characters and I eye guys at the gym, come on, John." You keep awkwardly letting out laughs, you're trying to cover up your panting. You cross your legs too, you think you're starting to get hard even though you just fucking came not all too long ago. John just does this shit to you, he can play a man's libido like he can play the fucking piano.</p><p>"So..." John sheepishly says, "it’s really okay if I... have naughty thoughts about you?"</p><p><em>'Fuck yeah...' </em>Oh that is going in the fucking spankbank for the rest of your life. You want like someone to carve that shit into your coffin so your ghost can always remember those words. You didn't even notice that you were nodding until John started lightly bobbing his head up and down with you, "it's okay?" He asks again.</p><p>"Yeah... it's cool if you think anything about me." </p><p>"Yeah." John looks inward into his thoughts as he hums. "Hmm... even if they’re like... about you..." John looks back at you, a gleam of sadness in his eyes, "kissing me?"</p><p>"I don’t mind it none." In fact you want to know everything John is picturing in his head about you. You can't ask him though, you can't bring yourself to go that far. All you can do is comfort him. "John, you can think anything about me, and I'll never think any less of you."</p><p>"Um... even if..." John slowly buries his head into his shoulders, "even if..."</p><p>"What?" You smile him, tilting your head a bit to get a better look at him.</p><p>"Even if... I picture... umm..."</p><p>"What is it...?" You lean in a bit more. You wait for him to respond before pressing him further.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Just a moment ago...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting down at that table next to Dave was just <strong>painful! </strong>He looked so cute, flipping up his bangs, flaunting off his looks, gazing at you with that dumb, adorable, perfect smile! UGH! Why the boy doesn't see that he's to most beautiful man on planet Earth is beyond you! He's got like the prettiest smile ever and such a gentle soul. UGH! Why does he lack confidence!?!?! He's so smoochable!!!</p><p>Your heart was pounding like a bomb was about to go off! Dave set this fuse in your heart with that captivating smile of his! You covered your face so you didn't have to look at him, but you could still picture the wind blowing through his hair. That sweet, smiling face. The sun kissing his outline. He looked like he was shimmering. Everything felt so intense, but still like your mind was fuzzy. Reality was blurring into a new, strange image. An image where your best friend becoming irresistibly attractive. Jesus. It's like you just woke up from a peaceful dream, one where Dave was your best friend and you could talk to him without drool dripping out of the corner of your mouth. You attempted to ask Dave, <em>"why do you have to be so handsome?" </em>You couldn't even hope to get the words out! Your lips were failing you and instead you started grunting and humming out your frustrations. </p><p>Every time you looked at Dave, you just wanted to cry, kiss him and cry!</p><p>Even with your fingers blocking your vision from his face, you could hear the echo of his laugh bounce around in your mind. He's not speaking, but you can hear his voice, so sultry and dreamy. <em>"Haha, John. You're so funny." "What? John, you're like the greatest guy I've ever met." "Oh, John... you're cute. You know that?" "I don't know... I think I'm too shy to even hold a guy’s hand, but maybe... if I met the right guy. I'd do something like that...”</em></p><p>You get this sick twisted image of your head of you and Dave... You started sweating, shaking, trembling! From Dave's perspective you must have looked so pathetic, he seemed so worried about you being nervous over him and the fact he was so protective and caring instantly made you even more sticky and sweaty! </p><p>You had to get out of there! No time to grab anything! You just freaking ran!</p><p>Good lord. The way that the breeze blew through his bangs, it got you all twisted up inside and the feeling lingered on, it still lingers on. Your heart was all bumping and jumping because he just looked too cute! You wanted to smooch him and touch him and AUGH! You needed to get away from him! You're certain that was the right move too! If you would have stayed, then you would have smooched him all over! You wouldn't have been able to stop yourself from showering every inch of his face with kisses! UGH! The thought of endlessly kissing Dave at the table is pulling your mind into two different places. One that's thinking how sweet it would be and the other half was thinking how horrible ruining your friendship with Dave over him being super, duper cute would be!</p><p>AUGH! It's not fair! Why does your <em>best freaking friend</em> have to look like a hot model!? You two knew each other since you were still practically kids! You and Dave would study together and Dave would stick freaking straws up his nose to get you to laugh! UGH! You can imagine the way things were just a few days ago. You could kiss Dave anywhere and it felt fun and friendly. Now picturing kissing Dave seems so tainted, so... naughty. You could get spooned by him without feeling fear of feeling up his enormous package. You could eyeball his biceps and grab onto his arms. You could complement how fit he is and then tell him how happy you were he was working out so hard at the gym. Yeah. Thinking about feeling up Dave's arms now and booping his nose, telling him that cause he's been so good he gets more cookies than your other boys feels so... so...</p><p>You always meant everything in a friendly way! Everything between you and Dave has always been friendly! And besides! He's way way <strong><em>WAY</em> </strong>out of your league! Right, right! What you have between you and Dave was just fun friendly playful conversations about video games and cartoons, and about how Dave is going to find like the perfect man someday! Right! And everything between you and your other boys is just friendly stuff too! Between you and Sollux, you always played the<em> bad boyfriend</em> game cause it made you laugh! Between you and Karkat, you could have deep conversations about your life and you would feel like it was a door into soul, not into his heart! AUGH! You're going to tear apart all of your friendships if you stay on this path! Dave is only the first casualty in the wake of your coming out! </p><p>Right after you ran away from the table, you lad down onto your bed and kept your hands pressed tightly over your face. You left your glasses on the top of your head and tried your best not to just break down and scream.</p><p>You're still laying down in bed on top of all of your sheets. You can't bring yourself to move, you know if you take your hands off your face, all of your emotions are going to come pouring out. Maybe you can contain it... if you just... scream into your pillow instead.</p><p>You slowly turn your head, and let loose. </p><p>
  <em>"John?" Dave's knocking on your door. You lift your head up and out of the pillow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have to put on a brave face, you know he's here because he's worried about you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come in." You meekly say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave slowly opens the door. "Are you okay?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You mutter into the pillow, "hmhmmmpmpm."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's not an answer." Dave shuts the door and walks over to the foot of your bed. He sits down and places his hand onto your leg. "Bud, if you're feeling bad, we can talk. I mean... if that would make you feel better."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You look down at you pillow, your mutter, "I don't really wanna talk right now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh." Dave lets out a sigh, "I get that... I'm the same way sometimes... but you know what always cheers me up?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You shift your eyes over to his face. That damn, perfect, cute, kissable face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave shuffles a bit and adjusts himself on your bed. He grabs a blanket as he makes his way to lay down besides you. He covers the two of you with the blanket and tucks you in. He wraps his arm around you and mutters, "you just need a good bro cuddle, man."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You shut your eyes tight and hum a low groan until it gradually grows into a scream.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"hmmmmmmmmmMMMMAUUUGHHH!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave shoots up, alert and confused. You grab your pillow and scream into it again. You toss your pillow up into the air and it lands on your chest. <strong>"Bro cuddles are ruined!"</strong> You turn to Dave and yell at him, "why are you so cute!?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I... I'm sorry?" Dave gives you a confused cute look.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Stop being a dream boat!" You point at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ha." Dave smiles at you softly and tells you, "I'll try."</em>
</p><p><em>You puff out your cheeks and pout at him. Dave keeps staring at you, giving you that look that makes your heart do backflips and summersaults and... and... you're kissing him. You just smacked your lips against his. You gently hold his cheek in your hand and run your fingers down to his chin before you let go of your grip completely. You feel like your melting until you feel like you just got burnt. You instantly pull away from Dave. You cover your gasping mouth with your hands. "Oh... Oh. Dave! I'm so-sorry! I- I..." Dave grabs your entire body and forces you close to him. From the sudden shock, you let go of your face. Dave grips you tighter as he wraps his lips around your mouth. You hum into his mouth and wrap your arms around him tighter. For some reason, your kiss is so dry. Your mouth feels like it's full of cotton and Dave's spine is bending like... like...</em> how a pillow would.</p><p>You open your eyes. You instantly glare ahead at nothing as you spit your pillow out of your mouth. </p><p>. . .</p><p>What fresh hell did you just get pushed into. Crushing on all three of your best friend and now waking up after making out with your pillow in your dreams? Where does it end? When you really start sucking on Dave's cute pouty lips?!</p><p>You just got up to grab some water from the kitchen. You're hoping that everyone is downstairs and working on their silly little plan to take down Dirk. When you step down the stairs you take in a deep breath and yawn. Maybe you should try to down those gummy’s Sollux is always snacking on and go back to sleep- “ah.” Dave is at the sink, doing dishes. He never does them unless you ask... he’s doing house chores cause... he knows you’re not feeling like yourself today... he can see that and he’s helping you out, doing you favors... you... you wanna run! You can hear Dave shuffle around and shut off the running water. He heard you coming down stairs! No no no! You can’t turn back now. You have to stay.</p><p>You walk over to the kitchen. You stare at Dave, he's talking to you but you can barely hear what he's saying. Your ears are ringing and your heart is in your throat. You smile at him to try to cover up that you're unable to register anything going on around you, well everything expect for Dave's good freaking looks. He's got his sleeves rolled up and he's leaning one of his arms onto the sink. He looks like he's proud that he's doing the dishes on your behalf. Wait... is... is this a dream too? Dave's got on that shirt that is tight enough to outline his muscles and he's doing something so... <em>domestic. </em>You blankly stare at him before he decides to leave, he simply says, "food coma" and walks away. You lightly snicker, he's always such a sweetheart.  </p><p>You just keep standing in the kitchen, blankly staring at the sink. You can't even be in the same room as him now without freaking shit...</p><p>What are you gonna do?</p><p>. . .</p><p>
  <em>You walk out into kitchen, you're still thirsty after laying down in bed for like an hour. You couldn't get any more sleep in. You might as well just stay up until everyone else decides to go to bed. You come downstairs and find that Dave's back at the sink again. "Oh, sorry." Dave smiles at you and confesses, "I forgot to wash all the pots on the stove. I'm sorry if I was too noisy." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You stare at him with your lips parted open, "it... it's alright. You didn't wake me up."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good." Dave dries off his hands with a rag, he lifts up a arm and gestures for you to come in for a hug. You can never refuse a good hug. Wrapping your arms around him, you rest your cheek onto Dave's pecs. You instantly sigh. This makes you feel a lot better. You thought it would give you a heart attack to cling to Dave and he's sweet, sweet bod. But you feel so soothed. You start rubbing your cheek around in a circle and soak up all that sweet, sweet Dave. Your best friend chuckles, "I guess you're really happy I did the dishes."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah..." You sigh and act like that's it. It's cause he did the dishes. "You're so sweet, Dave."<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well... since you cooked all of that for me, I thought I'd sneak away and finish doing the rest of the dishes for you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wait? Sneak away?" You ask, "from where?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"From bed." Dave shrugs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"From..." You look down at the floor and then back up at your sweet, perfect Dave. "You were... cuddling with me? In bed?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, after that amazing dinner you made for us, I started doing the dishes and then we took a nap together in your bed, remember, I said food coma, you laughed and started kissing me? Any of this ring a bell?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah. An alarm bell. Are you losing your mind or something?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave kisses the side of your head and laughs, "okay... I get it... you want me to get back to bed so you can sleep. I'm done. We can get back to where we left off... or we can make tonight special.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You still feel confused. Dave wraps his hands around your waist and then traces his palms down to your hips. He bites his bottom lip as he smiles down at you. He's not wearing those shades he's so fond of, so there is nothing to protect you from those eyes of his. Dave places a kiss on your lips and whisper onto your lips, "anything you want, I just want to do right by you, babe." You shutter as Dave confesses, "for you, I wanna be the best boyfriend I can be."</em>
</p><p>You gasp and fling yourself up. Your heart is pounding, but it was only just a dream.</p><p>UGH! You grab your pillow and attempt to smother yourself. </p><p>. . .</p><p>It's late so you're trying to actually sleep, not just nap, sleep! But you can't! Not after having<strong> that</strong> dream. You've been trying to sleep for about two hours now, but how are you supposed to get in some z's when you had a nightmare about Dave being your... your... your sexy boyfriend!?</p><p>You feel so horrible because that dream felt <em>sooo</em> good. Dave gripping onto your waist, doing the dishes for you and calling you... you sigh... <em>"babe." </em>You can imagine Dave calling you that more often than your actual name. "Ahahahaha." You shutter as you sigh. Ugh, thinking of Dave calling you pet names makes you get butterflies in your tummy. </p><p>You cover your lips and laugh out an airy, shaky laugh. Just the thought alone of Dave saying the word <em>babe </em>is making you feel all giddy. You're starting to feel a bit hot again. You shut your eyes and you can still see his smiling face, his tantalizing eyes... those solid, hard abs. "Oh my gosh..." When you walked into Dave's room and caught him all nakey, he looked so good. His whole body is tone and his tushie is super cute. You can picture that moment you walked in and Dave turning around to say, <em>"hey, babe." </em></p><p>You start giggling and kicking up your feet. You lift up some of your sheets off of your body in the process. You keep your eyes shut tight and picture yourself apologizing and blushing, "<em>oh! Sorry! Sorry!" you cover your face and hide your eyes from seeing anything more. "I should have knocked!"</em></p><p>
  <em>Dave chuckles and tells you, "it's alright, John. We're in your room anyway."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You uncover your face and ask, "really?"  You look around, yeah, this<strong> is</strong> your room. You don't have to knock when it's your room. And if Dave is getting dressed in your room, then he's nakey on purpose... he wanted to get caught. You bite down on your bottom lip and try to hold back from smiling. "You're nice and clean. You took a shower just now?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, yeah..." Dave keeps going through your wardrobe. He gets that you're calling him out on getting changed in here instead of in his room. "I wanted to wear that Ghostbuster's tee that doesn't fit you." Dave digs it out from the bottom of your drawer. "I mean... you always steal my shirts, it's only fair." <br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You giggle, "you little shirt thief..." You walk up to Dave and hug him from behind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave chuckles, you're hugging him so he can't put on his shirt. Dave shuffles around and put on some sweat pants anyway. That's okay, you just wanna see him shirtless, you don't wanna get a gander at his peepee. Dave keeps laughing, he sweetly asks you, "hey, man... you wanna get in bed and cuddle?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joy fills your chest and you let go of him just to get into bed. You stare at him with glee as he rushes to follow you into bed. You force Dave's arms to wrap around you, he doesn't resist. He rests his head down onto the top of your head and takes in a deep breath. He sighs. You two snuggle and buggle for a tiny bit before Dave asks, "do you wanna make this into a special cuddle?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You hum into his bare pecs, "what makes it special?"<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave whispers into your hair, "you can do anything you want to me..."</em>
</p><p><em>Humming out something akin to a sigh... </em>you trace your hands down to your waist... <em>"Anything...?" You giggle.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Anything, babe." After he gives you the green light, you sink under the sheets and start rubbing your cheek all over his abs. The tip of your tongue traces the outline of the very top row of his abs. This is more than you could ever ask for. Dave seems more amused than anything else. He sounds cool as a cucumber as he laughs, "you like my abs, don't you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I like your everything." You respond and then start to gently kiss his abs. </em>
</p><p>Oh, that was so smooth! You're so smooth! Dave would be so smitten! You giggle as you trace the outline of your length with the tips of your fingers. You know this is naughty, but you're never going to be able to sleep unless you get this out of your system. Maybe if you rub one out, you'll be able to just let this all go. You sit up, lower your sweat pants and turn to your night stand to get some lotion onto your hands. You turn back to your fantasy. </p><p>
  <em>You keep snuggling up to your sweetheart. Now you're just resting your head down onto Dave's pecs and kissing his boobies. Dave chuckles, knowing full well you love his pecs. He even told you that they double as pillows once, and that's just what you wanna use em for. You gently circle your finger around Dave's chest as you lay your head down on one of his pecs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave's breathing gets a bit heavier. Gently touching your hips, Dave softly asks you, "would it be alright if I paid you back for the chocolate cake you made me?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You never have to pay me back, I love baking for you."  You hum. Dave begins moving his hands down from your hips and onto your -"oh! heheh, Dave." You let him wrap his hand around your length. You bite down on the corner of your mouth as you feel Dave pumping his hand slowly up and down around you. You let out a gentle moan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave's slow pace starts to pick up in rhythm you think that he just wants to hear you moan. You shutter as Dave works his wrist faster, and faster around you. You groan as you start to get close. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dave's touching himself too now, he can't resist. You're too fucking sexy. You gasp as Dave picks up the pace even more. He's asking if, "you like it?" You nod to respond as you let out a airy moan. "John... hm... you wanna finish on my abs." </em>
</p><p><em>"Fuu...ck...." You feel heat rise from your gut to your chest. This burning feeling is taking over your whole body. You want to finish, you need to, but you... you... </em>you're having trouble picturing exactly how Dave's abs look. You need reference! </p><p>Seeing that you need a bit of extra assistance, you lift up your hand and start slapping your nightstand until you find, "ah ha!" You quickly select your photos and instantly you find the photo you took of Dave, all shirtless and wet. You keep working yourself with dull looking eyes, <em>"ah... that's it..." </em>You trace the outline of his abs with your eyes. He looks so fucking hot here, posing... just for you. You shut your eyes and imagine Dave, grunting and desperately grunting as he finishes you off. <em>"Cum... John... please... fuckin' cum."</em></p><p>You shutter, letting out one low final moan. You feel your whole body shake. As you ride your high you imagine Dave working you dry. He's asking you if you love his fucking abs and fuck you do. You shiver as you come down from your high. "God..." That felt so fucking good. You've never once felt like that from cuming to... to anything. The last time you jacked off you thought that nothing would ever top that! Jesus. You're starting to think that Dave is like the key to unlocking like the best climaxs of your life. </p><p>Oh... oh no... now the feeling is even worse. That feeling of guilt and shame. It's soul crushing. You shut your eyes tight... maybe... maybe you'll work through this.</p><p>. . .</p><p>You can't work through this. It's only been ten minuets but you're so anxious and stressed the agony felt it lasted a million years. You feel so ashamed that you would just objectify Dave. You pictured him in your head, pleasing you! You made him out to be some kind of sex object. You used a photo of him he let you take as a memento as spanking fuel! What kind of friend would do that!?</p><p>You need to set this right. There's only one thing you can do. </p><p>Confess your sins. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. guilt and shame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John is sitting next to you, stuttering out the beginning of a question. He pauses to reflect on his thoughts. You don’t say anything, you just wait for him to find the words. You can’t rush this, you wait till he is ready to speak. It's hurting your heart that John looks so nervous. Your best friend parts open his lips, attempting to confess what's on his mind. </p><p>“I had this dream and...” John stops himself from going on. “I... it’s just difficult for me to... confess this to... <em>you...</em><span class="sans">or at all.</span>" John laughs and awkwardly rubs his arm. </p><p>"John... It's alright.” You nod. “Whatever it is... I’m sure it’s not <em>that </em>bad.”</p><p>John flinches at the word <em>bad, </em>he seems to be convinced it is.</p><p>You let him know that, "whatever you wanna confess, I promise I won’t be offended. I’m certain I won’t.”</p><p>“I... I imagined that... the two of us were...” John shuts his eyes and takes a breath. “I had this <em>fantasy </em>that we were together! And dating and you- you- AUGH!” John grabs his head with his hands and groans.</p><p>“Oh.” Doing your best to cover up the fucking joy that's washing over your soul. You simply nod your head. "That's fine." The way he said <em>fantasy,</em> it was clearly sexual! And, <strong>And </strong>he was talking about <strong>dating </strong>you! How you're not the stuttering from the stress of this conversation is beyond you.</p><p>John tilts his head as he looks you in the eyes. “you really... aren’t like offended...? Or... weireded out?”</p><p>You whisper, "no.” You shake your head and force yourself to smile, “I’m just surprised, is all.” You grunt out.</p><p>"Really... because you sound like you're in pain or... something." John seems concerned for you. As he should, you're dying right now. Still, if you don't say anything, John is going to think you actually are offended instead of feeling blessed.</p><p>“John." You are slow to confess this, hopefully if you pace yourself, you won’t sound like a dying squeaky toy this time, “I’m actually... really flattered that you thought of me this way...”</p><p>"o.” John didn’t even speak for a second before he cut himself off. He seems... excited by your response. He seems like he wants you to go on and say that... that fantasy of his is exactly what you want out of life. And it’s not like it isn’t. You want John more than you want to breathe, and it’s so fucking hard to take in air right now. </p><p>You don't want this to be the way you confess. This isn’t how you want any of this to go down. That and... you’re not ready for this. You have to readjust. </p><p>"Of course I’m flattered. You’re amazing, John. I can’t imagine what life would be like without you... or Sollux and Karkat... you guys are all amazing, you’re like my whole life...”</p><p>John looks shocked at how you added in your other two roommates to the conversation. Shit! You don’t wanna make it sound like you’re rejecting him! You need to course correct. </p><p>"But you, John... You’re always cooking and smiling. You warm up every room you’re in.”</p><p>"oh... god." John covers his entire face with both his hands.</p><p>"Ah... um..." You don't know what to say to fix this. You need to do something. You gently place your hand on his back as he starts to cave into himself. John is hunching over and grunting out a low, mostly silent, hum. He suddenly tosses his hands off his face and shouts,</p><p>"Fucking Sollux and Karkat!" John turns his hands into claws, he looks at you and yells, "how long before I start to fantasize about Karkat trying to make me breakfast in bed and getting all smoochy with me- or- or Sollux taking me to the movies and getting all handsie with my booty!?”</p><p>"oh.” Suddenly you don’t feel so special.</p><p>John starts to pull at locks of his hair, "I don't want to break apart all of my relationships because I've got like three different, aggressive crushes!"</p><p>"You won't." You keep patting John's back. "It's okay.”</p><p>“No, it’s not okay! I had this whole dream about you doing the dishes for me and being my boyfriend and then I woke up and... AURGH!” John falls back onto the bed he angerly huffs. </p><p>As much as your heart is aching, you can’t let yourself focus on your pain. The world stops for John Egbert, at least your world does.</p><p>You swallow down your pain and set your sights on comforting him. You let a gentle sigh escape out of your lips and then smile. You feel bad that this whole <em>thing </em>is so hard on him, but he's so irresistibly cute. You lean over John and gently lift up his bangs with your hand. You notice your body is shaking, but John’s is too.</p><p>You slowly brush John’s hair out of his face with one upward motion and kiss his forehead. John lets out a few fake cries as he scrunches up his nose as he closes his eyes tight. "Why me?" John asks. You simply laugh in response. </p><p>"You're alright, John." You gently kiss John's forehead again and then lay next to him. You place your hand onto John's chest. To which he responds,</p><p>"even cuddles now feel tainted..." John pouts and pretends to cry again.</p><p>You bear a small, timid smile on your face. Holding John in this moment feels so intimidating to you, having John actually desire being with you is too much for your soul to bear, but you'll fight through any pain to comfort John when he's upset.</p><p>You think the best course to steer this conversation in is that you need to say something to take both your minds off of...<em> 'uh...'</em> whatever is between the two of you in this moment.</p><p>You decide to focus on everyone in the house, not just you and John. "I don't see anything wrong in wanting the guys you’re crushing’ on taking care of you and taking you out on dates. Actually, John, that's a nice fantasy."</p><p>"You think?" John opens his eyes, he looks up at you with a pout on his face. He slowly moves his hands over his face again. He looks like the weight of the world is crushing in on him. "Oh... I can't look at you right now, not when you're being like this..."</p><p>"Being like what?" You say without thinking.</p><p>"Being like the sweetest cutie patootie ever." John drags his finger tips off his glasses to get a look at you again. "It just feels so wrong to view you in this light..."</p><p>You don't know what to say, so you just stare. </p><p>John looks down at nothing and quietly says, "I guess that's how <em>my new baby </em>feels. After all the years of being my friend, it feels wrong to speak up now and confess to me, even anonymously. And well, I think that I'd <em>like to </em>date him, but I don't want to get his hopes up if it turns out that our relationship won't work. And... in truth, I'm not sure what I want yet... I'm so like... out of sorts and mad at myself and frustrated with my own thoughts... I just want to feel sane again."</p><p>"Yeah." You nod. "I get there's a lot going on right now in your mind, but you shouldn't feel any pressure to be with anyone, John. Just know that fantasizeing about me, or Karkat or even Sollux-" The <em>even </em>part prompts a laugh out of John. "-it's not wrong, John. Anything you could dream up about Sollux, he'd be flattered, and anything romantic you think about Karkat, he'd probably brag about how <em>it's only natural that you think that cause he's the most 'romantic' out of all of us</em>."</p><p>John lets out a dry laugh and looks back down at nothing again. He looks up at you and nods, "yeah. I guess that's how the two of would feel and me thinking about <em>dating </em>them, but what if I start thinking... <em>sexy</em> things about all three of you?"</p><p>"Then, I'd say it's fine. No one would be upset with you, John. I can guarantee that." You pat the top of John's belly and then rub shaky circles into his stomach. Your palms are so sweaty, they’re sticking to John’s shirt. You shut your eyes and try your best to focus on the thought of helping your best friend through a difficult time and not John practically begging to be allowed to picture fucking not just men, but you. Shit. You're not going to make it through the night. You're going to die of a heart attack. You bite your lips together to hold back a scream.</p><p>"But... like... even if <em>you're </em>okay with everything, Dave..." John frowns, "I'm worried that like everyone else would be... uncomfortable..."</p><p>“With what? Your sexual fantasies?" You cough out a laugh and nearly wheeze. You flip up your bangs in hopes that will help you recoporate. You smile and mumble, “You know how Sollux is, he even asked that you feature him in your fantasy about being with <em>me</em> in the mall, remember?”</p><p>“Yeah but that was a joke! All those comments of his are jokes!” John quickly cuts in. “I don’t know how he really feels about sexy stuff?!”</p><p>"Sollux wants you to check him out, John.” you try to explain. “He just said that at the table, dude.”</p><p>“You don’t know that, Sollux-”</p><p>“Sollux literally dated a girl whose job is <em>Bikini Babe</em> <strong>and</strong> a goth twitch-streamer. He’s not pure in anyway, he’s filthy.”</p><p>"bu-"</p><p>You cut in, "And Karkat reads erotica like he's studying to become a middle aged mom.”</p><p>John closes his mouth shut.</p><p>You tell John, "they’ve been in your shoes. Like I said, man... You're golden."</p><p>"I... okay, okay.” John slowly sips in a breath and then rubs his forehead with one of his palms. “So, you're saying that you would all <em>okay</em> with me picturing any one of you guys dating me, and it would be cool if I imagined <em>one of you </em>naked and in my room, stealing one of my shirts. And then inviting me into my own bed and..." John covers his face again and lets out something like an <em>'eep' </em>or a <em>'meep.'</em></p><p>"Jo...John... Everything is-"</p><p>"I Actually <strong>jacked</strong> off to the Thought of <strong>YOU</strong> Touching <strong>ME</strong> and then I looked at that picture of you shirtless that you let me take! And- I feel so- so! AURGH!" John punches himself in the forehead.</p><p>"Whoa." You stare blankly at John as he mentally and physically beats himself up. John keeps grunting and whining that he betrayed your trust, as well as your friendship. Looks like he thinks that jacking off to you is completely unforgivable. He must have jacked off to this fantasy of dating you and licking your abs. He used that photo you let him take for spanking fuel and everything. </p><p>No. No. This has got to be a dream or... or... you died in your sleep and you went to heaven. You're sure this is what heaven would be like. Your cock instantly getting fucking hard as a rock while John begs you to both comfort him and give him premission to jack off to your picture. But if this was heaven, John wouldn’t ever look like he’s on the verge of tears. </p><p>Johns now ranting about how when you were all laying down on your bed not too long ago, he was just <em>joking around </em>about marrying this stranger and pretending that the anonymous suitor of his was you, Dave Elizabeth Fucking Strider. To John, it was a nice thought, a pleasant one, simply because of how close you two always were, and now it’s too real. It’s all too real in John’s mind all because he started jacking off. </p><p>Now that John is honestly horny for you and ‘acting on his urges,’ he feels dirty, like he violated your trust and ruined his friendship. You can’t say anything to respond to him. You’re paralyzed. John is mumbling out a few incoherent things and groaning. Everything thought he has gets cut off instantly by the next, “-and Sollux keeps joking about how he wants me to pick him out of the cute-boy line up- God. Kakart said all those nice things about me being romantic- Dave, you were so cute when you pulled that sheet over your face- AUGH!- I can’t stop thinking about kissing you! And I want to grab Karkat’s tushie all the time and I know he doesn’t like it! I can’t let myself do that any more cause now it’s not funny, it’s like naughty... And It’s wrong! I can’t do that to my friends! -And And Sollux! oh god. I swear, if he starts kissing my neck I’m going to...” John bites down on his thumb’s nail. “I always used to just laugh whenever he would touch me, I’d get these butterflies in my tummy and Sollux would joke about me being so good to him... now it’s like so... so...” John is breathing heavy he’s like red in the face, “and... I thought about all three of you... touching me once, fighting over me... I’m like...” </p><p>John sounds like he’s about to tear up, “I’m...”</p><p>You can’t take how upset he looks. You take in a breath and reach out to him, </p><p>“You’re no worse than any of us.”</p><p>John slowly turns to you, with a sad, horrible frown on his face, “I just feel horrible though... I want the feeling to just go away...”</p><p>You don’t care how much pain your heart is in, John looks like he’s hurting and that instantly makes you bold enough to ask, </p><p>“John, what’s the worst thing you actually jacked off to?”</p><p>“Um... the... the photo you trusted me with.”</p><p>“Was that it?” You smile at him with kindness, already showing that there’s nothing to forgive because he’s done nothing wrong. John starts up again,</p><p>“No, I... okay... so when I caught you doing the dishes I thought it was like a really nice thing to do, something a boyfriend would do. Then I guess I wanted to make up this scenario in my mind where you would have invited me to... umm... view you in a sexy light. So, in like full... I pictured that you took a shower, and went in my room. You were nakey and you wanted to get caught by me, so you made up something about wanting to wear my clothes. I walked in on you, and then you invited me to cuddle with me on my bed just so you could offer that I could touch you anywhere I wanted. So I um... kisses you all over your abs and then you started... touching me... and...” John hides his face behind his hands. “I- I think it... it feels so horrible because... I...”</p><p>you can imagine what he want to say next, he doesn’t have to you’ll say it for him, </p><p>“It’s okay, John. You didn’t betray my trust.”</p><p>“No, it’s... it’s cause... I... I kind of...”</p><p>John pauses for a moment. Each second that passes between you weights more and more down onto your soul. John looks up at you. Twinkling pearls in his bluebell eyes. He frowns, his face filled with both awe amd dread. He finally breaks the silence with words that cut into you like a knife. </p><p>“I kinda want that.”</p><p>You look at him, everything bubbles to the surface you’re red hot, panting and you’re sure your face looks like you just got punched in the gut- and you’re turned on by it! </p><p>“B-bu-but!” John waves his hands frantically. “I- I... I’m just trying to figure out what it is I like and what it is I want! I’m not implying that I want us to... to actually do anything to each other- but I... okay! So maybe I like the idea of dating you! And maybe I keep thinking about being in bed with you! But- but... oh god... I’m making everything worse.”</p><p>You try to keep it all together, for John’s sake.</p><p>“John... you’re alright...”</p><p>“No... you’re freaked out by me. And you have every right to be.” John keeps frowning, with his sad eyes, framed by his black lenses.</p><p>“I’m not freaked out” -you lie- “it’s just...” you’re about to confess something truthful. You need to say this without giving away too much, “no guy has ever said he wanted to... like... ‘get with me’ to my face before. I’m just like... stunned by that is all.”</p><p>John looks up at you with the same kind of vibe that a deer being coaxed out of the bushes would. You go on, </p><p>“And... I’m kind of... flattered.”</p><p>“You... are?” John lifts up his chin and looks up at you, “But you looked like I smacked you across the face.”</p><p>“You just threw me for a loop is all.” You say.</p><p>John looks at you like he’s not buying everything you’re trying to sell him, “you sure I’m not stressing you out?”</p><p>“John. I am kinda bugging out, but only cause a guy -that I know for a fact could get anyone he wants- just came into my room and told me he’s fantizing about me.” You stop yourself there before you give away too much. Shit. You’re so ready to rant.</p><p>“And... you’re fine with me... picturing you doing... anything?” John tilts his head. </p><p>“I am. And I’m sure all the guys are too...” you think back on how Sollux told you to picture John and you as a couple to prep yourself for that reality. “and if this is your way of coming to terms with being with a guy, I think it’s a good thing.”</p><p>“It’s just hard for me to see it that way. Maybe it’s because I never fantized about wanting anything like <em>that </em>at all. When I had ‘private time’ I never really thought about anything, but thinking about you... it made me feel... really... nice at the time, but then after... I felt like a freaking jerk.”</p><p>“Hey, once again, if this is how you come to terms with being gay and wanting men. It’s not a bad thing, and you’re not hurting anyone.” You want to say more but John continues on with his own train of thought,</p><p>“Dave, I am okay with liking boys. I’m fine with being gay! I just don’t know what I really want yet! And by that I mean, I don’t know who I should date, or who is a right fit for me. I know I’d be able trust you to be a good boyfriend, though. I recently thought about when we were just kids, I always felt like I could trust you with anything, even back then. And when I found out you liked boys... I kind of wondered for a bit if... you liked me... and I guess it was just my selfish-teenage brain taking over, and I thought back then that I wanted you to want me. Just cause you were always so cool and I looked up to you, you were what I always wanted to be. If I got your attention, then it would have meant that I was as cool as you were.”</p><p>“Dude... I always thought you were like... the coolest fucking guy.” You try not to crumble into yourself as you talk, you start ranting instead, “I thought that cause like, you were unashamed of showing how much you unironicly loved shiny hunting and you’d always say ‘I love you’ to your dad when you hung up the phone, no matter who we were around... and I thought it was so unbelievable that someone was so kind, and really like... meant it. Growing up, I kinda thought people who were friendly were trying to get something out of me, but you honestly love helping people. Becoming your friend was like, the highlight of my life... and I’m never gonna give that shit up. No matter what happens, John, even if you picture like... sucking my toes or something weird like that.”</p><p>John chokes on a laugh and then screams, “HAAAAHAAA!”</p><p>“We’re always gonna be bros.” You smile.</p><p>“Okay, you convinced me...” John wipes a tear out of his eye. “I... people really do that? People honestly suck on toes? For like... <em>sexy </em>reasons.”</p><p>“Do you like not go on PornHub at all?” You laugh. Your face is red hot, your body is red hot, your soul is red hot. Are you really asking John about his experiences with porn? Hell must have frozen over. </p><p>“No. I never really got turned on by stuff like that... uh... even the dudes in it...” John tilts his head a bit, “maybe... maybe Dirk was right, I need to be good friends with someone to learn to love ‘em.”</p><p>“Well, don’t take all of my bro’s advice.” You shrug, “his relationships last about a week for a reason.”</p><p>“Don’t be mean!” John giggles. He punches your arm and then looks away from you. “Um... I’m sorry that I’m being weird right now. I’m really not used to having a crush or um having... naughty thoughts.”</p><p>Your dick instantly twitches at hearing John mutter out ‘naughty’ but your mind stays firm about helping John thought this time of gay crisis. </p><p>“Hey, it just takes time. You’ll get used to having a...” -you cough- “crush.”</p><p>“Hope so.” John tries to keep on a happier face, “But even if I don’t, I’m gonna make up for it! I’m gonna cook for you whatever you want every week day now! And I guess that will take my mind off of things, oh and, I want to start streaming so I can be a part of the group!”</p><p>“Ha, Maybe you can help take down Dirk.” You suggest.</p><p>“I don’t know, I’ll play with you all in your little   GTA city, but you know I’m more of a Lego city kind of guy.” </p><p>You laugh. How is it that you can love one man so fucking much? “Whatever your plan is, I’ll be right here if you need to talk.”</p><p>"Thank you, Dave. You always know what to say to cheer me right up... I don't know what I would do with out you." John looks away from you, his face is still tinted red. He places a gentle kiss onto your cheek and says, "um... ha, I wish that I would be able to snuggle with you, like we usually do after our <em>bro </em>talks. But... right now, I don't think my heart can bear it. I need more time to adjust, I hope you can forgive me. I love you, more than anything.”</p><p>. . .</p><p>John was quick to leave after he said that. The words keep ringing in your mind. He's actually starting to feel messed up over you. If he feels a fraction of what you feel for him, it's amazing he even got up out of bed. Your love for John knocks the wind out of you. You're often parazlied by it, but you would push through anything to make sure that he's okay. You know that he will be, he's stronger than he even knows... and confessing that he's starting to feel seomthing for you proves it.</p><p>Still, you're pretty weak If you're going to make it through this, you're going to need extra help.</p><p>When you start typing, you notice that you’re still shaking. </p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: hey guys</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT?</p><p class="dave">Dave: are yuo like</p><p class="dave">Dave: busyy</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we were just about to start streaming again.</p><p class="dave">Dave: oh</p><p class="dave">Dave: ok</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: we can spare a moment.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: what's up?</p><p class="dave">Dave: so john juts came into my room</p><p class="dave">Dave: and we were talkign about how he feels bad that he has a crush on all thrree of us</p><p class="dave">Dave: and he just confessed something in confidanec </p><p class="dave">Dave: but i still need to like</p><p class="dave">Dave: talk abuot it</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: was it that he jacked off to the thought of you naked or like wanted to cum on your abs or something? </p><p class="dave">Dave: uh</p><p class="dave">Dave: i cant say</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: HE TOOK A PHOTO OF YOU SHIRTLESS AND DROOLED OVER YOU. </p><p class="karkat">Karkat: WHAT ELSE COULD HE HAVE “CONFESSED?”</p><p class="dave">Dave: damn</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dave, you don't have to tell us the exacts of what john said.

</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: but you can talk about how you feel about it.

</p><p class="dave">Dave: thnajs</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: he fucked you right up again, didn’t he?</p><p class="dave">Dave: he fjuked my mind and my heart right up</p><p class="dave">Dave: i mean</p><p class="dave">Dave: he fucked me so badly up </p><p class="dave">Dave: so </p><p class="dave">Dave: horribly</p><p class="dave">Dave: up</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: well, dude</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i've got some shit news for you.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: look at the group chat.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: the one where your brother decided to offer tavros money for a dick pic.</p><p class="dave">Dave: you know that doesnt narrow it down</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: the one that everyone is in</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: john just started messaging it rn</p>
<hr/><p>You scroll through your phone to find the regular chat group. You start the conversation where the app claims the newest messages start.</p>
<hr/><p class="john">Ecto: soooo...</p><p class="john">Ecto: i wanna have a get together with everyone this friday!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; we can celebrate you gay awakening</p><p class="john">Ecto: sure! we can do that! I just wanna have a big happy potluck with my best buddies!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and no one has to bring anything unless you want to. i know how you all love to bring little trinkets and gifts for each other.</p><p class="john">Ecto: so if you want to bring something,</p><p class="john">Ecto: please make sure to bring something nice for dave!</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: Why dave?</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: isn't this *yoooooooour* coming out party?</p><p class="john">Ecto: not nessicarly! you can look at it that way if you want...</p><p class="john">Ecto: but i just want to have everyone get together at our place and eat stuff.</p><p class="jade">Jade: but... john... why are you asking everyone to give dave stuff?</p><p class="john">Ecto: he's been super sweet and he's been very understanding!</p><p class="jade">Jade: yeah... but serket is right... this is kinda for you</p><p class="jade">Jade: its a big milestone in your life and we should focus on you not on the worlds like cutest boy </p><p class="john">Ecto: but i wanna do something nice for the worlds cutest boy! i cook for him all the time and bake him cookies like every other day, so i thought you guys could all help me show dave some extra love cause he’s such a good sport. </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: nah nah, this party is for you. i'm not gonna let you spoil your own party, Egbert.</p><p class="john">Ecto: but all i could ever ask for is my friends coming over </p><p class="john">Ecto: getting together and have a nice time.</p><p class="john">Ecto: where everyone gets along.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; looking at you, dirk.</p><p class="john">Ecto: Natalie...</p><p class="john">Ecto: be nice</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: yo, dirk this is where you make a sny comment and john puts you in your place??</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; what the fuck where is everyone?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; jawn! do i always have to be the one to @everyone every time!?</p><p class="dave">Dave: john</p><p class="dave">Dave: you dont have to make everyone bring me stuff</p><p class="john">Ecto: but you deserve extra love</p><p class="john">Ecto: no! All the love! </p><p class="dave">Dave: i just want everyone to hang out and maybe we just play jackbox or someshit </p><p class="john">Ecto: yes! Oh! We can at least let Dave pick all the games we play in jackbox!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: he’s just gonna keep making us play that one drawing game over and over and over again :/</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: GOD. AND DAVE AND SOLLUX ARE JUST GOING TO KEEP DRAWING DICKS.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: I can’t help it, it’s always funny!</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: i just read your posts John, i can come friday</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: um,,, but are we doing to give dave gifts or...</p><p class="dave">Dave: no</p><p class="john">Ecto: YES</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: yes.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ummm excuse me this is the “Dave (ft: John coimg out) party” now </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: were like all gonna buy them BOTH gofts </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: *gifts</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: but dave doesn’t seem to uh,,, want that though</p><p class="dave">Dave: just maybe you guys can consider bringing candy or something for everyone to share</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: why not juice boxes while we’e 8t it. that’s some grade school shit, Strider. </p><p class="john">Ecto: no being mean to dave!!!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and no one is allowed to be mean to dave at the party or I FREAKING SWEAR i’ll go ape shit.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; so bully Dave??? that’s the plan right</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: 1M DOWN</p><p class="vriska">Vriska: okay, if we don’t do that now as a group I’m going to be veeeeeeeery disappointed. </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: yo, i'll bring flowers to ur funeral guys hahaha </p><p class="vriska">Vriska: wh8t?</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ya'll r gonna set off john and dirk, ill make sure to give a touching ulegy.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: I’ve seen John’s rage a few times when he mentally broke down back in high school, there’s no stopping his fury.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: If you mess with Dave, I’m certain I’ll be the least of your problems, Vriska.</p><p class="john">Ecto: DAMN</p><p class="john">Ecto: RIGHT!</p><p class="john">Ecto: CLICK! SEND!</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: so</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: i got confused reading this</p><p class="aradia">Aradia: im just going to by snacks for everyone to try cause that is what Dave requested

</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; and i'm gonna bully dave</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; so i’m gonna buy him a gift as an apawowgy </p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; spoilers, i bought like a whole ass bottle of that blue syrup for like the meme</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt;</p><p class="nepeta"> </p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; it sucks and my roomie won’t eat anything that has corn syrup in it cause he’s dumb </p><p class="dave">Dave: jesus</p><p class="dave">Dave: no one ever has to buy me a gift ever again</p><p class="dave">Dave: nothing could ever top this</p><p class="dave">Dave: fucking look it at</p><p class="john">Ecto: c:</p><p class="john">Ecto: you’re so cute</p><p class="john">Ecto: and...</p><p class="john">Ecto: if you dont want me to make this whole thing about you being the bestest best friend a pal could ask for, then I at least want everyone to give Dave a big kiss and a nice huggie</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh, I’m so fucking on that shit.</p><p class="jade">Jade: bitch get in line</p><p class="jade">Jade: &gt;:T</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: lol</p><p class="rose">Rose: Well, I am glad this all settled itself out.</p><p class="rose">Rose: So, what time should we all meet on Friday?</p><p class="john">Ecto: like 6:30, so traffic isn’t as bad?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; and we’ll all be up</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; just ho my god no one walk near my roomies car when he drops me off, if he knows that boys are at this party he will freaking </p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; FLIP</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; SHIT</p><p class="john">Ecto: will do </p><p class="john">Ecto: oh and! i got to thinking and since I have too much time on my hands...</p><p class="john">Ecto: and cause I need something to keep my mind busy...

</p><p class="john">Ecto: I wanna try my hand at streaming!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: omg you have to send lnk when cuz will swim thiugh river of broken glass to see"&gt;</p><p class="john">Ecto: aw jezz, now you guys are all hyping me up. </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: dude! Did you forget how intense you get about games?</p><p class="john">Ecto: yeah! But I grew out of it! I’m mature now</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: JOHN. YOU FREAK SHIT WHEN WE PLAY THAT ONE TRIVIA GAME.</p><p class="john">Ecto: THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S A HORROR GAME TOO!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and the scream at the title screen always scares me...</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: oh shit, guys. its like when he jumps cause the toast in the toaster is done. </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: prime cute.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: oh my god! </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: we so have to play jackbox again!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: jake needs to bring his projector thingy so we can put it on the driveway or something</p><p class="john">Ecto: yes! </p><p class="john">Ecto: that sounds really fun!</p><p class="john">Ecto: i wanna play maybe cards against humanity too! </p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; why don’t we play truth or dare and we all just keep daring all the boys to kiss you John?</p><p class="john">Ecto: I don’t want anyone to be forced to do anything, that doesn’t sound fun :/</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: i guarantee you that all the guys here want that, egbert.</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: uh I don’t think you’re speaking for me or gamzee right now,,,</p><p class="john">Ecto: but... tav, are you saying all the other guys do?</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: uh,,, no</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: Tav, name one other guy here that doesn’t want John? </p><p class="tavros">Tavros: jake </p><p class="terezi">Terezi: who isn’t related to him :?</p><p class="tavros">Tavros: dirk </p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Actually. John, my door is open.</p><p class="dave">Dave: DIRK! </p><p class="john">Ecto: AH!</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh my god!!!</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; oh shit both of de strider brothers are gonna fight over you, John! </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: ooooh tension</p><p class="dave">Dave: hes messin around</p><p class="dave">Dave: dirks just being a dick and i think we dont need any more sarcasm from this group </p><p class="dave">Dave: sollux brings enough to the table</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: In truth, I find John to be quiet the catch. He’s not my type, but he’s a catch.</p><p class="john">Ecto: haha! You aren’t my type either Dirk.</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: And why’s that?</p>
<hr/><p>you can just picture your own brother, with a smug smile on his face, looking at his screen and making plans to fuck around with John just to get to you. You don’t know exactly what his plan is by trying to flirt with John but you do know this, </p><p>YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!</p>
<hr/><p class="john">Ecto: Because you’re rude! &gt;:T</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: John, as you continue down the path you’re on, you’re going to realize that the best kind of men to fuck around with are the bad ones.</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: dirk, not everyone goes for the men that treat them like shit </p><p class="roxy">Roxy: we’ve been over this</p><p class="john">Ecto: Yeah! Why would anyone want to be with a jerk!?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: John, that answer is gonna come with time.</p><p class="john">Ecto: :0 </p><p class="john">Ecto: &gt;:T</p><p class="john">Ecto: I don’t think it will. I wouldn’t want to date anyone whose mean or nasty! </p><p class="dirk">Dirk: So, you are not interested in anyone that is rude?</p><p class="john">Ecto: Yeah! Hard pass!</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: So, what about Vantas?</p><p class="john">Ecto: oh.</p><p class="jade">Jade: dirk just shut you down didnt he?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: shit. Yeah. He got us both there.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: i was all “balls in egbert’s court” </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: then that shit escalated quicker than Dirk’s dick</p><p class="john">Ecto: no no no! my grumpy guy is just grouchy,  he's not nasty, he just gets... I don’t know grumpy &gt;:c</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Egbert, you get this feeling like you can make him behave better if you’re able to guide him? </p><p class="dirk">Dirk: Maybe even ‘fix’ him?</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; I’m personally being attacked right now. And I don’t like it.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: CAN EVERYONE JUST GO FUCK THEMSELVES FOR A MOMENT?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: baby, for you anything.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT</p><p class="john">Ecto: you two, stop fighting.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: YEAH, I’LL STOP WHEN SOLLUX STOPS BEING SUCH A FUCKER. </p><p class="dirk">Dirk: You see what I am talking about, right?</p><p class="john">Ecto:...no.</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: don’t kid yourself, Ecto. We’ve been had. </p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; oh! ALL of the boys are all starting to releaze a love of Karkat that we all should share! </p><p class="jade">Jade: at least anyone with taste that is</p><p class="terezi">Terezi: right. taste.</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: can you all stop being idiots?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: baby, you’re so hot you’re making everyone braindead </p><p class="vriska">Vriska: how is it that strider got everyone talking about vantas this time and not you?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: ass so fat makes everyone heads wobble</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: SNORT</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: I knew that would make you laugh</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: jesus this is why I have a micro crush on you</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT JOHN AND HIS FUCKING COMING OUT POTLUCK?</p><p class="dirk">Dirk: And you’re so egar to get us to change the conversation away from you, or Roxy flirting with Captor?</p><p class="sollux">Sollux: baby! I’m yours! no womans ever gonna come between us!</p><p class="karkat">Karkat: THAT’S IT. I CANT DEAL WITH ANY OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE ALL THIS FUCKING BRAINDEAD.

</p>
<p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; is this where stuff gets spicy! I can sense the climax coming up ahead! </p><p class="sollux">Sollux: speaking of climax and cumming and heads, ive gotta peace.</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; haha ew</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: nice</p><p class="rose">Rose: Real nice, Captor.</p><p class="john">Ecto: I don’t know what I’m going to do with you boys</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; KISS EM</p><p class="dave">Dave: i guess now is a better time then ever to leave</p><p class="john">Ecto: right, uh... I’m gonna just make another post about the important stuff and pin it to the chat so everyone who isn’t here knows what’s up</p><p class="nepeta">Nepeta: :33 &lt; important stuff like bring Dave snacks and extra love</p><p class="john">Ecto: yes</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: haha</p><p class="jade">Jade: love you</p><p class="john">Ecto: love you too</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: love you!</p><p class="john">Ecto: love you more</p><p class="dave">Dave: i love you john</p><p class="john">Ecto: HMMMMMM!</p><p class="john">Ecto: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY STUFF LIKE THAT, DAVE!
</p><p class="dave">Dave: i cant
</p>
<hr/><p>You frown down at your phone, maybe John just isn't ready to hear that coming from you right now. Makes sense, with everything he's going through, but you just meant it in a friendly 'you light up everyone's lives' kind of way. Not a 'you're my whole world' kinda way.
</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Dave: im sorry john
</p><p class="john">Ecto: YOU'RE SO CUTE TO ME RIGHT NOW!</p><p class="roxy">Roxy: AH! </p><p class="terezi">Terezi: whoa. </p><p class="dave">Dave: ha uh</p><p class="dave">Dave: i dont know what to say to that</p><p class="john">Ecto: SEE THIS! DAVE IS TOO ADORABLE!</p><p class="dave">Dave:um</p><p class="dave">Dave: im sorry</p><p class="john">Ecto: THATS IT! IM COMING OVER TO SMOOCH YOU MISTER</p>
<hr/><p>You hear footsteps running up the stairs and in the hall. John swings open your door and jumps onto your bed. He wraps his arms around you and shouts,</p><p>"I have to get this all out of my system!" John kisses the side of your head in rapid succession. "I’m smooching you till my lips are sore!"</p><p>You were right before. You did die and go to heaven. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. On a scale of 1 to 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You already fixed John’s streaming set up with Karkat's 'help' awhile ago, you’ve been thinking about the comment he made about how he wants to start streaming, you hope he doesn’t dive head first into roleplay, it might turn him off from streaming completely.</p><p>When John woke up today, he made breakfast, blushed at every one of Dave's comments, and then asked you to help with the dishes. You ended up hardly helping John, he mostly just wanted to have a chat with you and refused to even let you dry the dishes.</p><p>John wanted to get you alone so he could get your input on how to start streaming, he didn't want to say anything in front of Karkat cause Ecto didn't want Vantas to get ‘overexcited.’ Yeah, Vantas would start trying to force John into your GTA server. John even commented he more of a ‘cooking mama kinda guy.’ Yeah, Ecto made the right call keeping it just between the two of you, but you are still gonna link Dave John’s twitch stream. He needs to see this. The moment you told John that you would be with him when he first started streaming, he cheered and held onto both your hands. He’s so adorable, you get the  urge to kiss his cheek, so you do.</p><p>. . .</p><p>John is all smiles. He’s cheerfully waiting on you to start up the stream and help him get his main Stardew Valley game up. He tells you that he just wants to play on his main account but he’s got like ten, you have no idea which one is his main. “I’ll find it!” John tells you as he takes over. “I have so many cause I have a bunch of different farm set ups! I haven’t played in what feels like forever though, I hope I can remember what’s going on in Coolsville-oh wait! That’s what I named my village in wild world, I think my main farm is called Ectoplasm.”</p><p>“Haha.” You snicker.</p><p>“Hey, don’t judge!" John whines. "I thought it was cool at the time.”</p><p>“Nah, I’m laughing cause I like it. It’s perfect.” You nod. </p><p>“You think so!?” John's eyes light up.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s like ghost jizz or som-“</p><p>John smacked your arm, “Sollux!”</p><p>“Haha, okay." You brush off the hit. "Let’s just get this up and running and I’ll be out of your hair.”</p><p>“Noooo, stay.” John pouts, “I wanna show you my farm.”</p><p>“I can watch your stream.” You tell him.</p><p>“But I don’t want you to go...” John's giving you those sad eyes, he's pouting and now he's looking down at the floor. He knows what he's doing. He's a master manipulator. </p><p>“Okay.” You finish setting up John's Stardew Valley account and... yep, you're already streaming. You back away from John's monotor and say, “I’ll stay.”</p><p>“Yay!” John cheers.</p><p>“But just for a little bit.” You set the record straight. </p><p>“Booo!”</p><p>“Oh fuck.” You forgot about sending Dave a link. “Hold up, I just wanna do one more thing.”</p><p>You open up John’s discord. You send a link directly to Dave. John notices, “oh, you’re only telling Dave? Why not Roxy and Nepeta too?”</p><p>“Cause I can do this.” You start reading outloud what you’re typing, “hey there, daddy. Dorky winky face. Send me some cash and maybe I’ll-“</p><p>“SOLLUX!” John hits you repeatedly. “STOP IT!”</p><p>“John, I know you’re nervous about talking to Dave, but you have to make a move before someone else does!”</p><p>“Shut up! Don’t make fun of me because I’ve got a Dave thing! It’s mean!”</p><p>“I’m not making fun of you, I’m trying to help you.” You smile, “now do you have any nudes or dick pics we could send?”</p><p>John cries out. “Stop being a freaking a-hole, you jerk! And stop trying to send Dave werid messages!”</p><p>“Then <em>you</em> type something.” You gesture that he has the floor, and the key board. </p><p>“Type for me.” John crosses his arms. </p><p>”okay.” You just accept that he wants to be spoiled.</p><p>“Hey, Dave!” John is trying to sound so cheerful, you can hear his voice shake, he’s nervous to even send Dave a message. “Please check out my stream! I wanna show off my super cool farm!”</p><p>You type in everything as he goes. You roll your eyes at super cool, not because John said something so sickenly cute, but because you know that’s going to send Dave's heart racing.</p><p>“Okay, super cool farm annnnd... ihopeyoudontmindificheckyououttoo winky face, send!”</p><p>“NOOO!”</p>
<hr/><p class="john">Ecto: hey, dave! please check out my stream! i wanna show off my super cool farm!</p><p class="john">Ecto: and I hope you don’t mind if I check you out too!</p><p class="john">Ecto: ;B</p><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: shut it sollux </p><p class="john">Ecto: whoa John has your username switched to cutiebaby on here</p>
<hr/><p>"STOP IT! THATS FROM BEFORE I KNEW I LIKE LIKED HIM!” John smacks you out of the way and starts typing himself. </p>
<hr/><p class="john">Ecto: i’m sorry, dave! i had it like that from before i knew i was um... you know... the g word.</p>
<hr/><p>You gasp, “a gamer?”<br/>
"shut up.”</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: its okay</p><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: dont worry about it</p><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: its a lot more flattering than what karkat has me listed as in his contacts</p>
<hr/><p>“He’s so cute. AAAhhhugh! I just wanna kiss him all over! Why’d you have to make me look like an idiot in front of him, huh? You wanna date with my magazine?”</p><p>“No!” You instantly flinch.</p><p>"Thought not!" John huffs. "Now think of something really cool to say to break the silence.”</p><p>"You want him to walk away from the conversation thinking, 'damn he's so cool and so smart, wanna marry him and foster some kids."</p><p>"God no!" John cries out in pain. "Don't say stuff like that to me right now! You know I'm not thinking straight!"</p><p>“Well, tell me where Dave falls then, on a scale on indifference to soulmate.”</p><p>“So like 1 to 10... nine.” John nods confidently. </p><p>“Whoa, that high?” You’re shocked.</p><p>“Yeah?” John’s shrugging and looking at you like you’re an idiot. It’s the kind of look Vantas gives you everyday.</p><p>You aruge. "I'm sure some married couples wouldn't even rate their spouses that high on the soulmate scale."</p><p>“Yeah well, that's how much I love 'em.” John shrugs and pouts. </p><p>“Dude, that’s like legit really high though... like you’re making it sound like you’re <em>in love </em>with him.” You can’t believe this. </p><p>“If a five on this scale is ‘would date’ than it’s not unreasonable to say that a nine is a ‘would spend the rest of my life with’.”</p><p>“Then how would you discribe a ten on your scale!?”</p><p>“Hmm ‘would die if couldn’t spend rest of life with.’”</p><p>You guess that’s a fair discription that’s probably what Dave would rate him. Still, a nine is high for John to rate his best friend, makes you wonder.</p><p>“How high am I?” You question.</p><p>“8.5.”</p><p>“8.5!?” You cough.</p><p>“Yes.” John pouts, “and before you ask, Dave is higher cause he's been my bestest bud for so long and he gives me the most love and cuddles... also he’s the prettiest. He’s got such a beautiful smile. And whenever he flips his bangs up it makes me feel like my heart is buggieboarding in a hurricane! Over a wave of love.” John looks up at nothing. “So, I wouldn’t mind being John Strider. But it’s not like John Captor isn’t bad either, or awww John Vantas, I like that. John Egbert-Vantas. Oo. Sounds cool.”</p><p>“Yeah? I mean, get line.” You laugh. “Captor-Vantas is like sprawled all over my high school notebooks.”</p><p>John laughs at your comment. You hear a notif go off and instinctively check out the nearest screen. “Oh look. Dave messaged you.”</p>
<hr/><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: uh</p><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: you know youre streaming rn</p><p class="dave">Cutie Baby: right? </p>
<hr/><p>“Oh my god! He heard that!? You heard that!?</p><p>John grabs onto his hoodie and pulls it over his head until it reaches the tip of his nose. John bunches over and let’s put a long painful groan.</p><p>You look at the screen and give Dave a smile, he must be eating this all up. You might have to check on him to make sure he doesn’t get a heart attack. </p><p>“John, look. Let’s just get your farm set up."</p><p>"Okay... yeah... let’s do that."</p><p>You hope that John doesn’t notice the viewer count, several people have been watching. You can imagine them all being your friends, all egar to see John stream and all pumped to see John confess he’d married Dave and he’s proud enough to tell you. </p><p>“Everything’s ready to go, just start whenever you’re ready, Ecto. No rush.” You comfort him.</p><p>John lifts his head up and plants a kiss on your cheek. "Thank you so much, honey. You always are so good to me."</p><p>"Ha. Thanks, babe." You joke. Shit. You should kid around like that, at least not anymore. </p><p>John looks at you, you can feel the heat radiating off of his body like a kitten in Chernobyl. You feel the burn too, Dave’s probably going to chew you out for this and you can’t say you don’t deserve it.</p><p>John’s characters wakes up and gets out of bed. He passes his kitchen and point out his wife as he walks by, “I recently got divorced in this game, I married Haley because she is my favorite girl.”</p><p>“She looks like a bitch.” You mutter.</p><p>John snorts and sighs, “yeah.”</p><p>John’s avatar walks out of his pixelated house, you lean closer to the screen to get a better view of all the details, he has so much shit in his home. How many hours did he play on this one account alone?</p><p>“So let’s start with my coop, it’s right next to my house.” John enters the coop and wow-</p><p>“you’ve got blue chickens? I didn’t know that was a thing in this game.”</p><p>“Yeah! You’ve gotta get close to sean to get them! I started dating them around the time I unlocked begin able to get them.”</p><p>“You’re dating a guy in this game?” You sound as inquestive as you feel.</p><p>“Yeah! I’m dating everyone!” John smiles. “But it’s okay, I have a lucky rabbit foot in my inventory so I’m safe!”</p><p>“Safe?” You ask.</p><p>“I mean that I won’t get the event where they all find out I’ve been cheating, which is still kinda dumb cause I’ve been married to Sebastian for as long as I’ve been dating all of them and they all know that! —and! Oh my god! when I got to Seb’s best friend’s 10 heart event the dude slept with me! And I was like- SAM! I’m your best friend’s husband! He was at our wedding! He knows what’s up! What a douche bag!?”</p><p>“Yeah, for real.”</p><p>“I think I’m gonna marry Sebastian again, I like his room the best.”</p><p>“Sounds like a good reason to marry someone.” You are only somewhat following what John’s saying, but it’s alright, it’s fun to watch him riff. “Now what’s up with these black chickens?” You point at the screen.</p><p>“Oh! They’re void chickens!” John goes on to explain all about how to get them and how he got dinosaurs before the game updated to make getting Dino eggs easier. It’s hilarious watching him go off about a game. You didn’t think he cared so much about anything like this, but then again, he goes off about Ghostbusters like every other week.</p><p>As John shows you his rabbit coop, someone donates twenty dollars just to have the text to speech read, “Once Captor gets out of here, I’m going to recommend this stream to my followers.”</p><p>That’s Dirk’s account. Shit, John could make some real dough today. </p><p>Nepeta sends in five bucks to say, “SOLLUX! GET OFF THE STAGE!"</p><p>“I think she’s right, this is your show.” You softly tell John. </p><p>“Aww, but then who am I supposed to riff with?”</p><p>“your audience.” You answer.</p><p>“Okay, fine... I’ll try to read all the comments... Aww! Look! That’s Roxy! Hi, Roxy! Everyone is calling me cute! Awww now everyone is telling you to leave. Hey, guys! don’t be mean! Sollux is helping me out a ton!”</p><p>“And it looks like you’re all set up.” You smile at John. “I’m gonna head out.”</p><p>“Bye!” John keeps reading the comments, he squints at the stream like an old grandma trying to read the paper. “Yeah! I have my entire library’s museum filled up on this account! I still wanna try to get to the bottom of the spooky mines. I don’t remember what it’s called.”</p><p>John giggles at the comments as he happily says, “Yeah! Let’s go to the mines! Let’s do it! But I gotta cook a lot of lucky meals first!”</p><p>You gently turn John’s door handle, you try hard to make no noise as you leave and shut the door behind you. As soon as you’re out, Dave peaks his head out of his room and whispers, “Sollux, come here for a sec.”</p><p>“Yo.” You whisper back.</p><p>Dave’s covered in sweat, no doubt from hearing Ecto say Egbert-Strider with no humor or ‘bro-Lance’ bullshit implied. Dave’s probably a mess right now, but you’re proud he’s building up an immunity. You’re surprised he can even stand, let alone talk. Dave asks you,</p><p>“You think you could be me a favor and tell Karkat to fuckin chill, if he pushes John into playing GTA John’s just gonna stress about it and-“</p><p>“I’m already on it.” You nod. </p><p>“Thanks.” Dave sounds grateful. He gives you a half-smile. His bangs are sticking to his face and he’s shaking.</p><p>You slap his arm and tell him, “get back to the stream, you should record this an-“</p><p>“Already on it.” Dave gives you a smile. </p><p>“Haha.” You get this feeling like you should apologize for getting so... close with John, but you know a simple fist bump will do. You lift up your fist and tell Dave, “love you, man.”</p><p>He bumps your fist and says, “ditto.”</p><p>Dave backs away from his door as he tells you, “now I’m gonna go pass out.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. PREP</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, SOLLUX?! JESUS! I’M NOT GONNA FORCE THIS LIFE ON EGBERT! I DON’T WANT HIM TO JOIN OUR SERVER OR EVEN GET INVOLVED WITH DIRK WHEN HE’S CLOWNING AROUND.”</p><p>“Oh.” Sollux sounds surprised and impressed, “that’s actually pretty cool of you.”</p><p>You turn around in your computer chair and focus your attention back onto your screen. </p><p>“PLUS, IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO GET HIM UP TO SPEED."</p><p>"aaaand there it is." Sollux mutters to himself.</p><p>"GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME PLAN SOME SHIT OUT, WILL YEAH? WHEN JOHN’S STREAM IS OVER, NEPETA IS GONNA GET BACK ON AND SHE’S ONLY GOT SO MUCH TIME BEFORE SHE HAS TO TRAIN WITH HER TEAM AGAIN.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah... and you know, if you’re gonna plan shit, can we at least watch John’s stream as white noise, I wanna see how much money he rakes in from that Dirk rec cause I swear, if the moneys good, I’d get <em>on my knees</em> for one.” Sollux is being a moron again. "Begging, pleading, sucking. I'd do it all."</p><p>You roll your eyes and let out a huff.</p><p>“Come on, Vantas.” Sollux argues. “Don’t tell me you’re not above that. It’s a good strat, Dave does it all the time, said he doesn't even need to edit our streams for coin, he only does it cause he loves us."</p><p>“I’VE GOT MY OWN STRAT AND IT DOESN’T INVOLVE MOUCHING OFF OF MY FAMILY AND JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF MY BEST FRIEND AND CUMMING ON THE IMAGE OF HIS FACE.”</p><p>“Okay... is that diss directed towards me or Dave? Because you got us both there, but still, it doesn’t make Dirk’s endorsement any less valuable. We could make rent in like one stream I beat.”</p><p>“IS IT WORTH SELLING YOUR SOUL?” You mutter as you turn back around.</p><p>Sollux is more focused on his laptop than you at the moment. He’s starring at the screen and limply pointing at it. </p><p>“Yo, look... John doesn’t know the lickma joke. He’s so pure.”</p><p>If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s starting to develop a crush on John from the way he’s lethargically hunched over he’s desk, you know he’s just tired out of his mind cause you’ve been streaming practically none stop and he’s sleeping about ten hours a day instead of the usual twelve. </p><p>“Hehehe! Is lickma like a cream or something? Hehehe! Why else would you put it down there!?” John asks. Sollux loses his mind laughing. </p><p>You grumble as you struggle to focus on your sheet.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You’ve been trying to get some sleep in, but Sollux isn’t making it easy. You have a horrible habit of clinging onto things in your sleep and Sollux sites that as the reason for why he keeps trying to sleep in your bed. You’d be fine with it if it was just you hugging him, but lately he’s been hugging you back. You’ll wake up because he’ll start kissing the top of your head  and today was no exception. You smacked him the moment he woke you up. He just laughed it off and said you were like a cat, “you snuggled up to me and then you smack me cause I cuddled back.” Sollux’s lisp filled the room, his breath smelt like shit, he’s cocky as all fuck. Yeah, you don’t understand why you love cuddling with him. </p><p>You wanted to sleep in more but John was making food, you know it’s for the party today but he can’t go five minutes now without making something for his ugh... ‘baby boys.’</p><p>“Hello! You’re all up early.” John’s standing at his stove, happy to see you both. </p><p>“Smelt cake, came running.” Sollux confessed.</p><p>You smelt ham cooking in a pan with some onions and that’s why <em>you</em> came down. John’s really in max overdrive right now. You hope he doesn’t get over worked. </p><p>“I’m glad you both are up! Dave’s outside on the balcony and guess what!? You three are gonna have the privilege of being my special little taste testers!” John bubbles over with joy and laughter. You haven’t seen him so happy in a long while. </p><p>“There has got to be a catch.” Sollux smiles.</p><p>“Well, I am a catch.” John flicks his wrist, dragging up a battered covered spoon. </p><p>Sollux sarcastically asks, “what did we ever do to be so lucky?” You agree with him, but you don’t like how Captor is trying to make it sound like you three are all dating Egbert. “Baby, you’re so good to us.”</p><p>“Heheheh... okay, there is maybe one catch.” John mumbles.</p><p>“HAD TO BE SOMETHING.” You grumble. </p><p>“You boys have to all go down to the store and buy me some frosting, I can’t make it myself cause it smells like death to me and I’m gonna need a fuck ton, it would stink up the place.” John points over at the balcony, “and... you boys have to kiss Dave, you have to do it for me cause I can’t right now! Also tell him you three are going on a shopping trip, I still have trouble talking to him. But! I’m getting better!”</p><p>“SO, YOU CAN’T TALK TO HIM, FINE. BUT WHY CAN’T YOU KISS HIM. I THOUGHT THAT WAS LIKE SECOND NATURE TO YOU.”</p><p>“I am always happy to kiss Dave, but I have to cook and if I get started than I won’t be able to stop!” </p><p>Before you could say anything to that, John shouts, “Sweetheart! come here!!!” John calls out for Dave. </p><p>“Yeah, man.” Dave’s pink in the face. He’s probably just going to start claiming it’s sunburn, but you know he always keeps in the shade, that and he lathers himself up with SPF 100 everyday, his brother sends him jars of the stuff. Dave’s shades are on the top of his head and even though he’s sweating, he looks like a model in a Sephora commercial or some shit. </p><p>“Stop it! Stop it! Put those things away!” John shields his eyes. </p><p>“huh?” Dave looks around the room, “what’s wrong, John?”</p><p>“You took off your shades. You know I love your eyes on the best of days but right now I <em>really</em> love em.” John is still covering his eyes, frowning and gritting his teeth.</p><p>“Oh.” Dave puts his shades back on. “Better?” He asks John to look.</p><p>John peaks and squeaks. He covers his face until something behind him beeps. John turns around and tends to his favorite hobby. Sollux sees it as the perfect time to tell Dave the plan. “We’re gonna head down to Publix and buy John some more things he needs before we can start taste testing.”</p><p>“No, no no.” John mutters, he’s still facing the stove. He points towards the counter that’s closest to you. Behind you is a plastic container. You pick it up as John says, “if you promise not to get my car all crumby, I’ll let you break my rule and you can eat in my car.”</p><p>“Sweet.” Sollux speaks, practically whistling cause of his lisp.</p><p>“Thanks, John.” Dave chuckles, “that’s really sweet of you.”</p><p>John turns around, looking right at you with his cheeks puffed up and his brows lowered in faux-anger, “And do as I told you!” </p><p>You furl your brows. You know what he’s asking of you. Sollux does as well, “I’ll do it.”</p><p>Captor pulls Strider into a hug and starts kissing his cheek. “Man.” Sollux kisses Dave again. “I can see why John is addicted to this.” Sollux kisses Dave again. “You really are nice to just hold, bro.” Oh that does it. You can’t stand this ‘bro’ shit.</p><p>You smack Captor away from Dave. Strider clearly doesn’t care about who kisses him, he cares more about if John is demanding he gets love. Dave keeps looking at John as Strider hovers in the doorway. You pull Dave in and shut the door. John turns his head around to look at you, you roll your eyes as you force Strider to bend over to match your height. You make a sour face as you kiss his cheek.</p><p>John claps his hands together and cheers, “oh,  my three favorite people are getting along today! Giving each other smooches and listening to me! I’m so happy! If you guys ask me nicely on the weekend for anything special I’ll make it for you!” John goes back to his stove, happily humming and occasionally giggling.</p><p>You are the first one heading down the stairs. Sollux says something about offering to pay. Dave argues that he’s got it. You don’t say shit, if they wanna pay, they can pay.</p><p>. . .</p><p>“I don’t know.” Dave scratches the back of his neck, “isn’t it a bit too... early?”</p><p>“You said you’re in love with him and that you wanna marry him.” Sollux is holding up two different rose bouquets in his hands, one red and one white, “just pick one and I’ll sneak it in, you can keep your hands clean.”</p><p>“Still..." Dave hesitates, he's clearly leaning towards the red ones. "What if John thinks it’s-"</p><p>You talk over him, “DAVE. IT’S PERFECT. JOHN WILL THINK IT’S ROMANTIC AND HE WILL PROBABLY START DROOLING OVER THE ANONYMOUS YOU MORE THAN THE REAL YOU.”</p><p>“Well.” Sollux combats that, “we can’t make those kinds of promises. Still, John is going to be all over internet you and isn’t that more like the real you than you?”</p><p>“I don’t... I don’t fucking know.” Dave groans. The three of you stop talking, you’re just standing in the spot between the flower cases and the balloons looking like the fools. </p><p>“Well, how about this.” Sollux breaks the silence, thank god, “why don’t I just buy him a red rose, sneak it in and place it on John’s plate when everyone is over and he isn’t looking.”</p><p>“Just one...” Dave thinks about it. “Yeah, I guess that would work.”</p><p>“GREAT. NOW PUT THOSE DOWN AND WE’LL COME BACK HERE ONCE WE’RE DONE SHOPPING. THOSE THINGS ARE MORE FRAGILE THAN YOU’D THINK.”</p><p>“Aw, like your heart.” Sollux holds up the flowers close to his chest, “maybe I should be the one to buy one of these. Give it to you as a token of my affection.”</p><p>“SHUT IT OR I’LL CUT OFF YOUR NUTS.” You threaten him.</p><p>“Baby, if you’d even touch me there, even if it’s to castrate me, I’d die a happy man.”</p><p>You roll your eyes as you head over to the bakery.</p><p>. . . </p><p>You parked on the street, Dave brought all the groceries up to John. You two stayed down below. Sollux ended up hiding the rose somewhere in the garage as you started pulling out the foldable tables and chairs. You don’t have enough chairs for everyone but usually people bring their own. Sollux left a spot open for Tavros and pointed it out, Captor states his plan is to sit next to him, “to keep Vriska at least somewhat away from him.”</p><p>You laugh at that. Captor gives you a large smile. You cross your arms and tell him, “I CAN SIT NEXT TO YOU, MAKE SURE THERE’S ANOTHER SPOT SHE CAN’T TAKE.”</p><p>Sollux smiles, lifting up his brows as he sings, “OooOoo, maybe she’ll sit next to you.” </p><p>“THE FUCK IS THAT TONE FOR?"</p><p>“Don’t you have like a crush on her?” Captor asks.</p><p>“NO. IS THIS BECAUSE I TOLD YOU I THINK SHE HAS IT OUT FOR ME?”</p><p>“Kinda.” Captor shrugs. “But I thought you phrased it more like ‘we have something between us’.”</p><p>“I ONLY SAID THAT BECAUSE I WAS WASTED AT THE TIME.” You roll your eyes. “I’D RATHER EAT GLASS THAN EVEN <strong>FLIRT</strong> WITH HER.”</p><p>“But uh... what about...” Sollux scratches his chin. He looks away from you and tries to change the subject, “you know what, let’s drop it. Let’s drop it.”</p><p>“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT VIRSKA.” You tell him firmly.</p><p>“Kay.” Sollux nods. He awkwardly places his hands in his pockets. “Hey, uh... why don’t we go upstairs and see if we can steal some samples from Ecto, huh?”</p><p>“SURE.” You uncross your arms.</p><p>“And thanks for offering to sit next to me, if you wouldn’t have I’d debating moving over to you like all night.”</p><p>You narrow your eyes. You can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. Still you say, “NO PROBLEM.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Bundled together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John’s been cramming food down you and your roommate's throats, asking you if things are sweet enough or too citrusy. You’re about to head back downstairs to finish setting up the table but John stops you.<br/><br/>"Oh wait, wait!" John hands you a piece of chicken, "Sollux, honey. You have a good palate for these kinds of things! Too salty, not enough salt?"</p><p>You gladly wrap your mouth around the stick as John holds it up for you. You chew it and nod, "this is on point, John."</p><p>"Oh good! It's probably gonna need more salt when I add the sauce though."</p><p>"Sauce?" You ask. "Isn't this for the chicken and rice that you wanted to make?"</p><p>"No, that idea was terrible." John keeps talking as he starts folding bacon around some cut onions, you think he's making onion rings. "I need more finger foods on the table, and I know you all well enough to know rice is gonna fly everywhere once Vriksa breaks out the Bacardi. If anyone wants chicken and rice they are gonna have to visit us! I'll treat them to rice, and they will treat me to their presence!" John breaks away from his onion rings to tend to something on the stove, he calls Dave over and then drags out a regular spoon to have TG try a sip, for some reason he rushes to close the lid. John puts the spoon down and looks up at him with a breathless anticipation. Dave lets out a burst of air from his gut, "that's good." </p><p>"Is it spicy?" John leans in a bit.</p><p>"Yeah." Dave nods.</p><p>John bends his knees down as he clasps his hands together and grunts out through clenched teeth, <strong>"yeah!"</strong></p><p>John readjusts back into his regular cheerful, cute, adorable self, "I wanted to make something that was just for you!"</p><p>"EVERYONE IS STILL GOING TO TRY WHATEVER YOU MADE ANYWAY, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?" </p><p>John gasps, "no! this is waaaay too spicy! I had to wear goggles and gloves when I was gutting open those peppers!"</p><p>You get a sick idea and tell Vantas, "you know what we should do, we should mix some of whatever that is into hummus." </p><p>"AND PUT IT INFRONT OF DIRK? I'M GAME."</p><p>You laugh. You just wanted to prank everyone, but that's way better.</p><p>"No one is bullying anyone at my party!" John pouts and huffs.</p><p>"EVEN IF THE GUY IS A GRADE-A ASSHOLE?"</p><p>Everyone pauses for a moment. All of you collectively think up some comeback to that all at once. Vantas puts up his hand and glares at everyone in the room as he states, "PRESENT COMPANY NOT INCLUDED."'</p><p>"No one deserves to be made fun of today." John gives kk a solemn look, "I want you boys to treat everyone at our party like they're a part of our little fun four-man family, just without the flirting. You all do that play-fighting thing you do and You Better hug everyone." John looks over at his stove, "and... convince everyone that the spicy nachos I'm making for Dave are for him and him alone. I don't want anyone pooping it up under my roof. They get the family 'treatment'" -he says that with air quotes- "but that doesn't mean they get to stink up the guest bathroom."</p><p>You chuckle as John heads back to his onion rings. Dave lingers by the stove. He lets out a languid sigh. You've never seen someone so wrapped up in the shackles of love. You hope this party goes well for him, still, you're expecting everyone to try to nudge him more towards confessing. Dave doesn't need that right now, he needs patience and patience and more patience.</p><p>Dave makes a move to leave. You watch as he hovers right next to John. It looks like he's hesitant to make a move. Strider is pulling himself back and forth, he keeps turning away from John and trying to head over towards you, it's like his mind is playing tug-o-war with his body. Eventually, Dave makes up his mind. TG steps right next to Ecto and places a gentle kiss on the side of his head. John looks up at Dave, Egbert seems like he's enthralled by the gesture. Dave lightly chuckles, not knowing what to do, he flips his hair.</p><p>John instantly grabs onto both of Dave's shoulders and pulls him down to his level. He's completely spellbound by Strider already! Ha, you hope that Dave eventually sees that he's got nothing to worry about, Egbert is already Dave's.</p><p>. . .</p><p>By the time you and Vantas managed to pry John away from Dave, someone was knocking on your door downstairs. It wasn't coming from your front door, but the door to your garage.</p><p>When you opened up the door you spotted Natalie, gleefully squealing and holding onto her backpack's spaghetti thin straps. "Hello!" She gave you three a cheerful wave. "Hope you don't mind I dropped in a bit early! My ugh... <em>body guard </em>wanted to hit the gym."</p><p>"Oh it's no prob." You nod at your ex and then look at your apple watch. "Oh damn, you're only like twenty minutes early. You're solid."</p><p>"Really!?" Natalie backs up out of the way so you three could pour through the door. "I had no idea what time it was, Equius was acting like it was supes ahead of schedule."</p><p>"Nah, you're good. And I had no idea I got up so early either. I guess we all smelt John's cooking and it woke us right up." You turn to Dave and then bump him with your fist. "And since you're so early, Dave can brag to you about how he got a <em>'kissy attack' </em>from Egbert."</p><p>Nepeta gasps, "No way!" She claps her hands together. "Oh my gosh! That's probably why he's having such a hard time looking at you right now, he can't help himself! He just has ta kiss you!"</p><p>"YEAH. THAT'S WHAT EGBERT SAID." Karkat rolls his eyes, his arms are crossed and he seems like he's expecting that any minute now, </p><p>"-well hewo dere, Vantas." Nepeta speaks in a cutesie, playful -yet somewhat deep- voice.</p><p>“I’M GOING BACK UPSTAIRS TO GRAB ICE.” kk walks over to the door. </p><p>Natalie pouts, “daw, you don’t even wanna say hello to me, karkitty?” </p><p>“NO.” Vantas slams the door behind him.</p><p>You chuckle in response, “hey, Nat? How are you doing?”</p><p>“Good! I’ve gotten a lot of stuff done since our break up.”</p><p>“Glad to hear it.” You laugh.</p><p>You both look over at Dave, who is fiddling around with the tablecloth, looking like some lovebird fixing up a nest. “He’s always got to make sure everything is perfect for Ecto.” You tell Natalie as you both watch Dave adjust where the paper plates are placed for the fifth time this conversation.</p><p>“Yo! Strider!” You hear a familiar voice, another one of your exes, only this time you didn’t break up with ‘em cause you needed more time to yourself, you broke up with Roxy because she’s impossible to keep up with. “Hand me back my keys, ho.” </p><p>Ugh. She’s talking to Dirk. You’re not looking forward to playing the suck up game, but it is better than sucking his dick.<em> 'Fuck. I want that rec.'</em></p><p>Dave lifts up his head once he spots Roxy walking up. Instantly, everyone’s favorite blonde is hugging the better of the two Striders. Roxy kisses every inch of Dave’s face, holding his chin in place with her hot pink nails. Her bangles are clinking together and her dress is tight. Is she here for a real party? “Oh, Davey! How’s our favorite nerd? Is he still shiny hunting, cause I just got a shiny legendary in a giveaway and I have ta, have ta- I repeat, have ta trade him! Make him grab his switch!”</p><p>Natalie cheers that she wants to play animal crossing with everyone, she’s gonna give out some stuff she got from her online friends. You try to pay more attention to Roxy than to the demon walking into your garage. "Hey, Rox."</p><p>"Hey, sexy." Roxy smiles at you and then turns her head to Dirk. He's looking at her, Roxy shakes her head and says, "no, I was talking to Captor, hun."</p><p>Dirk’s got on dress pants and a button up. His hair is always gelled up and spiked. Never once does he just let loose, even on his off days. Roxy told you how anal he is about staying on point, and damn, if that diamond watch doesn’t make him look like a douche bag. Right as Dirk walks up, he looks at his brother. Not even a smile. He can’t let himself emote for anything, course you fake a grin as you welcome him in, "Hey, Dirk. It’s good to have you.”</p><p>“Likewise.” Dirk’s voice is low right now and deep like the hum from a bass guitar, when his balls dropped, the Earth's gravity must have taken a hit. “Dave, have you considered wearing something more... appropriate for such an occasion?”</p><p>“I’m wearing jeans and a tee in my own <em>garage,</em> bro.” Dave points out, “and Johns still in his PJ’s, I bet you ten bucks he won’t change.”</p><p>“Dave.” Dirk stares right at Dave with a hint of annoyance in his tone. Right as he takes a breath to speak, the door behind you and Nepeta slams open. </p><p>“Nepetas here!?” John huffs and pants, looks like he just ran down the stairs.</p><p>“John!” Nepeta and Roxy both say in perfect tandem.</p><p>“Oh!” John is surprised that they both rushed him. "Aw! I haven't seen you guys in forever!" This is the most adorable hug you’ve seen since that puppy cuddling with a bunny your feed recommended you. The three of them are all pretty short and absolutely adorable. On top of that, they are very snuggly people, this could go on for all day, that is, if Dirk would let it.</p><p>“Dirk!” John cheers as he spots him. “Dirk! Hi!”</p><p>“Hello, John.” Dirk’s on a first name basis with John. You’re kind of jealous, almost Every time Dirk talks to you he says Captor through his teeth like he wants to gut you.</p><p>John rushes up to hug Dirk and Strider let’s him. John lifts up a hand to mess around with one strand of Dirk’s perfectly sculpted hair, a death sentence for most. Dirk just let’s it happen. </p><p>“Oh good, you’re not mad at me.” John sighs. John pecks Dirk on the cheek and pulls away from him.</p><p>“Why would I be mad at you?” Dirk sounds like he’s amused with what Ecto said.</p><p>“I thought you’d be mad that I have a crush on your bro.” John pouts. </p><p>“I understand why you would think that.” Dirk nods.</p><p>Strider comes close to smiling as John points at him and states, "and I wanna make something clear, mister! You’ve gotta be on your best behavior today! I don’t wanna see any fighting-"</p><p>“I-"</p><p>John interrupts Dirk, “Or flirting!”</p><p>"Even if it’s with you?”</p><p>. . .</p><p>Best thing that’s come out of John realizing that he’s gay, is that Dirk decided to flirt with him. Namely because Dave fucking smacked his bro for that last comment he made. John giggled and waved goodbye to everyone and then as soon as the door shut, Dave just started wailing on Dirk. Slapping him and saying, “the fuck, man?! The fuck!?” </p><p>Dirk only got away from Dave’s rage when you asked for help setting up the fans. Your were surprised that TT jumped on the chance to help, but not that surprised. Dirk needed and out, and on top of that he's anal. Dirk fixed the fan's placement about five times. There’s only three fans. Apparently, you don’t have good enough 'air flow.' You just let the hotter, angrier Strider eff around with 'em as you got everyone some soda bottles from the kitchen. </p><p>By the time you get back downstairs, a few more people showed up. Roxy's arms are wrapped around her baby sister. Rose brought her roommate with her, and picked up Terezi. Oh good, Teresa brought her seeing-eye dog Lemonsnout with her. Teresa is looking over in your direction. She smiles when she makes out your blur. Terezi has slowly been losing her sight over the years, she usually doesn't rely off of her sight, she's got her shades off. You walk right up to her and give her a hug. Her golden retriever sticks his head right between the two of you, he wants your love and attention. He doesn't have his usual harness on so he's allowed to just be a dog. </p><p>Dave is quick to step over, he's playing it all cool, but you know he just wants to pet the pup. You step back and Dave let's Lemonsnout smell the back of his hand. Lemonsnout pushes it to the side and demands that he gets a scratch behind the ears. Dave gets down on one knee and starts scratching him all over the place, "oh, man. John's just gonna love seeing you, bud."</p><p>"Heh heh heh." Rezi cackles, she smiles with a wide grin and states, "Lemon's not going to leave his side."</p><p>"Why should he?" Roxy joins the conversation, "all that love, all that attention? From a high quality source? Why leave that? Right, Dave?"  </p><p>Dave slowly takes in a breath and stands back up, "guys, I don't want you all saying anything that could give me away, kay?"</p><p>"We won't!" Roxy sings.</p><p>Dave states, "I mean I don't want you guys talking about <em>'me' </em>when you all start drinking." </p><p>"I'll moderate everything." Dirk stands at your side with crossed arms. </p><p>Vantas hobbles over towards your group. Nepeta's arm is wrapped around kk's. He breaks up your conversation by nearly-shouting, "CAN <em>SOMEONE </em><strong>PLEASE</strong> GET HER OFF OF ME?"</p><p>. . .</p><p>Thank God John hasn't come down yet, between Terezi's dog and Tav's labrador, he'd get nothing done. Dave is sitting on the floor petting the golden retriever and scratching the back of the ears of the chocolate lab. TG keeps talking to them, quietly telling them, "John's mind is going to turn to mush once he sees you two, you're both so cute." He's only talking like that because he doesn't think anyone is listening in. </p><p>You're sitting down right next to Tav, he smiled when he saw that you and Vantas are gonna stay parked right next to his chair. Gamzee is sitting right next to him on the other side, and he's checked out right now. You're down for those brownies he brought in that silver tin for the group to share, it's going to be so cute to see John tell everyone no and make everyone care packages in plastic baggies to go.</p><p>You're still waiting on half the group to come, in the meantime, you've been watching Roxy gleefully complement Rose's roommate on her outfit and Kanaya damn near flirting with her. It's all going over Roxy's head, but not over Rose's. Rose keeps giving the two of them side eyes as she talks to Dirk about Taoism. Terezi keeps cutting in with her own comments, just to annoy Dirk. Nepeta has been doodling on her tablet and then you hear some thick heels stomping on the pavement. You turn around, recognizing the sound. "aa" </p><p>Aradia rushes into the garage and before you're able to get up, her arms are already wrapped around you.</p><p>“I picked up a shift and I had such a horrible day, this kid just poured his Fiji water all over my leg and his mom just watched and I just want to go home a cry about how shit my day was.” She works as a waitress in a bar, she usually works only a few days a week. She's still dressed up in her work attire, full blown goth makeup, a short black dress and bulky shoes, "my feet are killing me, I'm so dumb, I should have put in those gel soles John got me."</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry you aren't feeling good, aa." You give her sad eyes as she holds you. "If you want, I can get John to make you a bundle to take home with you-"</p><p>“Hell no! I wouldn’t miss this for the world, are you kidding me?” Aradia backs away from you just to smack your arm. Aradia is talking like you're the only other person in the room. She's super nice to everyone she meets and usually so calm, she really must love you if you're the only person she ever raises her voice at or slaps. You chuckle and get up. You wrap your arms around her and she burrows her face into your shirt. She mutters, "don't worry, I have sealer on." </p><p>"Even if you leave a smudge, I don't care. I just wanna hold you cause you're feeling down, aa."</p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. puppy love</h2></a>
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    <p>These two are so cute, John is gonna love seeing Tav and Terezi’s dogs. John always loves seeing the two of them. He gets so excited whenever he sees any dog. When he's driving he just shouts, "dog!" or "cow!" or "horse!" at any animal he sees by the road that he thinks is cute. You tell the two dogs licking your face, "Johns got treats for you, and I'm sure that he's going to be so happy to see that you're both here. I hope Eridan brings his dog too." You keep scratching them behind the ear, the two of them don't seem to want to go anywhere else, even as more people come in, they stay attached to you. You don't know what it is about animals, but dogs and cats have always been entranced by you. </p><p>Aradia's here now, hanging out with Roxy and talking to Kanaya about Megido’s goth get-up. Rose made one too many comments about how good Aradia looks, you wouldn't be surprised if she still has a thing for Megido. Shit, your friend’s love lifes are too complex for you to keep up with. Rose was with Kanaya but she isn't now but they still fuck or maybe they called it off again, and Rose likes half the girls in your friend group, Megido especially, but Aradia likes Sollux and they don't stay commited to eachother cause they say they work better as friends and you're already over it. You guess you're simple, sitting over here with your one-track mind. John and that's it. You're good. Sure, you've fallen in love with a few comicbook characters over your teenage years, but that's not the same as whatever the fuck kind of love life your bro has going on right now. He actively is flirting with Tavros again, you think it's just to make Nitram uncomfortable. If Dirk pushes it, you're gonna get involved. John said everyone gets treated well today, so <strong>no one </strong>is starting shit today, even if you are blood.</p><p>You look up at Nitram again, a familiar pair of red converse slowly struts towards where he's sitting.</p><p>"Hey, wheels." Virska wraps her fingers around one of his shoulders in a slow, creeping motion. Like a spider crawling up to prey. </p><p>"Uh..." Tavros looks away from her and down at the floor, "I'd prefer if you... didn't call me that... Uh. At least not today."</p><p>You start heading over towards the two of them.</p><p>"Fine." Serket flicks up her wrist and sighs. "I wouldn't want to start any trouble on a day as big as this." She fakes a pout. Virska sounds like she's plotting something, but she always sounds that way. </p><p>"Yeah... sure." Sollux buts in, asserting himself between the two of them by walking right up to Vriska. </p><p>"I really mean it." Virska smiles and lifts up her hands, "I brought balloons and everything. They're in my trunk, I want someone to help me bring them in... how about you Sollux, seeing that you're already up. "Oh, and you too, Dave. I brought some chips. I thought it would be a nice gesture." </p><p>You narrow your eyes behind your shades. You don't trust her, but she's probably not up to shit. She actually cares about John and what he thinks, if she starts shit today, he'll know, you'll make sure of it.</p><p>. . .</p><p>Maybe this was her way of getting back at you. She bought about ten bags of family sized lays chips in different flavors and tossed away all the bags, plus she cut off the weights from the balloons so Sollux had to jump around and catch them all before they flew away. She laughed, claiming she had no idea that would happen, but it was funny to watch. Oh you fucking wish that John's gonna prank the bitch. It'll hurt even more if he smacks a pie in her face than if you deck her right now. She's laughing, wiping a tear from her eye. She looks over at you as you scuttle with a pile of bags in your arms. Virska stares at you for a moment. Looking at your face with a blank stare. For some reason, when you shrug at her. She smiles.</p><p>The moment between the two of you ends when some asshole comes down the road blasting music in his black Camaro. Course it's Danny. When Eridan steps out, he's got a black Pomeranian in his hand and a gold watch on his wrist. His jeans are skin tight and he has a sweater tied around his neck. He could rival your brother with such bad taste. His dog yips once it sees other people. Virska heads over and right away gets to work poking fun of how Eridan is dressed and how no one needed to hear his shit playlist but he blasted it anyway. You're gonna overlook this, just this once. If anyone deserves to get knocked down a peg, it's Ampora.</p><p>. . .</p><p>By the time you sorted out all of the chips, just about everyone who said they were gonna show, showed. Thank God the conversation has mostly been on what everyone has been doing and how good it is to finally meet up in real life again. Jade just messaged you that she’s nearby, she told you something about Jake maybe not showing. It's for the best, your bro would probably keep giving him eyes, good eyes or bad ones, you don't know. Probably because both of those options are bad to you. You don’t want Dirk flirting or starting shit with anyone right now.</p><p>Everyone is starting to get roudy, looks like a game of musical chairs with how many times Nepeta and Roxy have jumped from place to place. Dirk shoos them both away from the seats he’s claimed for both you and John. He didn’t have to, you don’t know how John is gonna take sitting besides you right now. But uh, looking at Dan sitting in the beach chair he brought in, you don’t want to be the one sitting next to him. Eridan is probably going to go off about how we could all ride on his boat, which is probably just an excuse to see everyone in swimsuits.</p><p>You hear barking and crying from somewhere outside. Your heart nearly stops, ‘oh my god.’</p><p>“heeey, Daaaave.” Jade calls for you. “Someone special is here to visit!”</p><p>The large white Samoyed is panting and crying. You rush outside over to him. You wrap your arms around him and speak to him like he’s an old friend, “Bec! It’s been so long!”</p><p>Jade laughs as she walks up, “he got to play at the puppy park today before I took him to the groomers. I had to make him tired so he’d let them cut his nails. But Becs always got energy for his favorite guy! The moment that he Recognized the road, he started crying and howling! He knew that we were going to the place with the best treats and the best people!”</p><p>You scratch behind his ears and kiss him, ignoring all the sny comments coming from Virksa and laughs coming from the table. You know that all eyes are on you, and you don’t care. Bec’s opinion is the only one that matters right now.</p><p>When you first met him, you didn’t like dogs, but Jade adopted this sad abused puppy that was afraid of everyone and everything, John needed to see him so you came along. You never saw any thing so helpless. He’d hide under the table and never come out for anything. Jade would clean up after him and he’d relieve himself out of fear every time someone came near him. It broke John’s heart. He wanted to visit everyday but got caught up with work. Jade found herself working more hours than she anticipated and you promised yourself you’d take care of him, even if at the time you had a fear of dogs.</p><p>Nothing that helpless could be terrifying to you. When you looked at him, you saw yourself in him. </p><p>One day, when you were placing food down besides him, Bec poked his head out to look at you. You knew that lifting your hand would only scare him, so instead of trying to pet him, you just talked to him. You told him everything about your life whenever you came by and he’d listen, tilting his tiny puppy head like he was trying to understand the words, all he knew was that you were addressing him and that’s all that mattered. That you wanted to be his friend.</p><p>He’d only run around and play when you two were alone. Bec eventually let you bathe him too without much trouble. That was the first time you saw him in all his glory, not a dusty, smelly dog with urine staining his belly, but a beautiful snow colored dog. </p><p>You still remember the first time Jade came back home without him running to hide from her. She cried. John sobbed into your arms when you told him that Bec let you take him on a walk. You never told anyonethis, but Karkat broke down onto tears when you told him that Bec let a stranger pet him and how proud you were of Bec. That was years ago, still feels like just a month ago you were helping Jade get him to the vet to take his shots, he wouldn’t leave your lap for anything after those vet visits. </p><p>You kiss him on every inch of his face. Bec’s crying and whining. </p><p>“Who’s the best puppy in the whole world? You know that you are. You are!” You start scratching his belly when he rolls over. “You wanna belly rub? Yeah!?”</p><p>You hear laughing coming from all angles, you were able to ignore every noise not coming from Bec, that is until the door slammed open and you hear John shout, “I heard barking!” He ignored everyone in the room in favor for the dogs. Dirk remarks, “I bet your neighbors did too.” You ignore that and focus instead on how every dog got up to say hello to the guy that always has treats and, oh man, does he have treats. “I knew I’d get at least one furry visitor today, but all of my babies are here!?” John gives them all, one-by-one, an special apple cookie. “I know, I know! It’s so good! Bec, you can go back to your Dave, give him extra kisses for me, okay?” Bec rushes back to you and smacks his paws into your shoulders, he’s crawling into your lap and demanding you hold him, “oof, you’re lucky I love you with my whole heart of else I’d say you’re too heavy for this.”</p><p>Once John is satisfied with feeding all of the dogs, he cheers, “hello, everyone!”</p><p>Everyone applauds, “whohooo!” “Yeah!” “John!” “Whhhooo!”</p><p>“He’s out in more ways than one.” Terezi cheers. You wipe a tear out of your eye as you laugh, Bec takes it as a Golden opportunity to lick under your shades. </p><p>“I just finished cooking! I need some volunteers to help me bring everything down.” Right as think about trying to get Bec to get off you John points at you, “you stay right where you are! That dog deserves your attention more than me or anyone in this room combined.” John points at your bro and says, “come on, Dirk I made some takoyaki and if you wanna be the first one to try, you gotta grab it yourself. </p><p>You smile as you watch half the room disappear upstairs. All the other dogs took the mass exodus of humans as a sign to get up and move too, even Eridan’s lap dog comes over to greet you. You welcome everyone into your already filled arms.</p>
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